18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

What’s Facebook got to do with anything?  Let’s all jump on and attack. Nice. Didn’t realise it’s personsl, I did wonder though.

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

Listen, hon.  Nobody is attacking you.  Nobody is betraying your trust.  Nobody is revealing confidences contained in PMs.

 

Information people have regarding your situation, as Ang, Lockie and I have pointed out, is public knowledge on FB, not from private conversations we’ve had with you.  We read and write so many posts on these forums, it’s easy to forget what we’ve said publicly. 

 

You and I have discussed none of this in PMs back and forth, until this shitstorm erupted yesterday.  We are friends and we vent with each other our fears and frustrations.  That’s what friends do.

 

Please, sweetheart, accept the love we have for you.  There is no attack, no betrayal.  This is all in your head.  If you reread my post to you about Ian and Don, for instance, I’m saying they are kind and compassionate souls, just saying they are human.  See how you are skewing things? 

 

Come on friend.  You are safe here.  You always have been.

 

Sofa

[Guest [Le...]]

OK, it’s getting pretty hot in here, let’s all take a step back and calm down a little.

 

We all have numerous complexities that affect our individual trajectories of benzo recovery, and signatures aren’t always detailed. Some of us have been polydrugged and/or got smacked during withdrawal and recovery with new and infernal prescriptions for other issues.

 

I know I did during my seventeen month struggle, post-jump. I was handed Lyrica, amitriptyline and Vicoprofen for extreme lumbar spine deterioration and the agonizing neuropathic and bone pain that accompany it.

 

Did I jump at this chance to alleviate it? You bet I did! And guess what, none of it helped at all, but I’m pretty sure the brief use of those powerful drugs pulverized other neurotransmitters, because as soon as I stopped taking anything at all, the pain surged with new fury.

 

How is this going to affect my long term benzo recovery? I have no idea. All I can do is lay it out there for everybody to see. In fact, this is a good reminder for me to add all that crap to my extended signature, after I take a long, late-morning nap with my new-found post-insomnia skills.

 

It would probably be good if we all updated our sigs to reflect the latest info – the signatures are there for a good reason, after all. 

[[so...]]

Thanks, Leslie. 

 

You are right.  We throw up a signature initially.  Then all kinds of things change along the journey.  We don’t bother to update the sig.  Maybe a few people do, but most of us don’t.  I have nothing to add to mine, but I’m probably not the norm.  I took magnesium for the first six months in acute and didn’t mention it.  Should I have?  These sigs could get rather long and convoluted after awhile.

 

I guess we each decide what is poignant.  Once again, this forum is completely subjective—what we decide to disclose, to omit, or just plain forget to mention.  It makes it all SUBJECTIVE.  We need to keep this in mind when reading posts and reacting to them.

 

Sofa

[[...]]

I’m so sorry, I’m just a mess over this and then someone jumping in and saying something like “thanks for bringing the truth to light etc”. What benefit is that to anyone? This person has never interacted with me in this group. If someone doesn’t like me, fine, but don’t kick me when I’m down. Why would anyone do that? I wouldn’t.

 

I’ve had good friends here for years and I do feel betrayed, I really do, I can’t deny it. I’m shaking, crying, just like anyone would in this mess and this happen. I never deliberately tried to hide anything, it was never about the ad. Then I got triggered time and time again, here and elsewhere and have to stick with the advice I’ve been given and the evidence they hold, rather than being scared by ill informed people in WD. That’s  why I stayed here in this group. I’m under a lot of stress right now too and it’s adding. I don’t know what to say anymore. I just think this shouldn’t have happened. No one really knows or knows what’s going on with me but me. All I do know, is this hasn’t helped me anyway.

 

I apologise for suggesting Sofa would divulge private stuff, I’m not thinking straight, however the ad stuff was private as many others keep stuff private and are entitled to. Maybe I could have been persuaded to talk about it, but not like this. I really don’t think it’s doing this to me, yes making a cut will affect, however I know so very many who are bad regardless. I will take the opinions of 4 people who advise, I have to.

 

 

 

 

[[ne...]]

I`m calm Leslie ...for now, until the next damn wave breaks!

So I`d like to add my thoughts and I dearly hope you take them as a friend Marj!

 

To believe the whole world is against us while we`re going through this I think, i hope, is another one of the surprises that this crap throws as us, because believe me I`ve even thought my kids were plotting against me at one time!

 

So please dont leave the forum but stay, and see if the collective brains on here can help you,perhaps one of us may come up with something!  idk!

I`ll not speak against Ian as I know he would do anything to help me get out of pain. He`s a kind and compassionate man and the benzo community would be lost without him ....but he`s just that, a man who like us all doesn`t know exactly what these drugs can do to our brains!  He does his utmost to help us but just sometimes he could be wrong!

EVERYONE here could be wrong and Ian is right ...we simply dont know, but stay here with your friends Marj and lets all get through this together! 

 

Leslie...I`m so sorry the Lyrica worked against you. I have been so close to taking some but how do we know just how much these bloody drugs pulverize our poor lil brains!

OK said my bit, but also want to add that you`re all a great bunch, we can discuss CBD oil and have an honest discussion. We can discuss Lyrica and likewise ..an honest account! So lets keep discussing and help each other the best we can.

[[so...]]

NCT,

 

Well said, my dear friend.  Your post was full of pearls of wisdom.  Thank you.

 

One thing about this process is we ALL know how each other is feeling, even if things come out the wrong way sometimes.  This group has one joint beating heart.  A little fast, a bit uncomfortable at times, but one big compassionate muscle.

 

I love you all.  “The beat goes on.” — Sonny and Cher

 

Sofa

[[pr...]]

This was never about another med and I’ve never been not truthful, yet since joining here I found there is judgement and people say stuff that is often not true and misinformed, makes it worse and feeds the fear,  so that’s why I never said anything as I found it safer for me. I was never scared of the ad, until other people scared me. Now I feel ‘outed’ that everyone thinks it’s because of that when this is my journey and like Ian says it can and is certainly like this for so many. I don’t know what to say anymore, I’m so upset that at this and now people will think I’m dishonest.

 

 

i have had this exact same thing happen to me on here and on this very thread. remember?

 

and for the record -- at the 44 month mark for me (which is quite a long time) and i hadn't done anything different, i felt worse than ever and so worse that i was getting my affairs in order. to ever implicate that someone is doing something else at a certain length of time in benzo recovery is misinformation and quite frankly very detrimental to anyone's recovery. it's just impossible to know anyone's true symptomology and recovery.

 

 

[Guest [Le...]]

OK everybody, we all have setbacks, and it’s hard to ever know what triggers them – and even harder to know what we should and should not include in our sigs. Supplements? Other therapies? Who really knows.

 

The key info is the benzo history, and certainly members are free to share whatever of their other drug history they feel comfortable about – but we’re not holding inquisitions here, and the point is to offer support as best we can.

 

If members reveal information in the course of PM exchanges that creates discomfort or in some ways seems deceptive, the way to handle it is to report the PM(s) or start a ticket at the Helpdesk rather than to toss a problem directly into a thread.

 

It’s also important to remember that PM-img carries risk with it, and it’s best to be careful what you share. Each time the BenzoBuddies PM window opens up, there is a warning about the risks of privately communicating with others, and it’s good to reread it before posting, just to give yourself a chance to stop and think: whether it’s about what you’re sharing yourself or what you might be tempted to share about others, especially if it might break confidences.

 

Let’s try to leave this latest dust-up behind and move on with the topic at hand. The current issue is being handled by the team, and there’s no need to litigate it further in the open forum.

 

Thanks

 

 

Edit: Typo

[[ne...]]

Buddies. My usual stinging, pulling muscle pains have changed today to a deep,deep ache! 

It still hurts like hell but I`m hoping the change means something good is happening.

 

Anyone notice their muscle pain has changed like this? 

[Guest [Le...]]

Buddies. My usual stinging, pulling muscle pains have changed today to a deep,deep ache! 

It still hurts like hell but I`m hoping the change means something good is happening.

 

Anyone notice their muscle pain has changed like this?

 

Omg, yes.

 

Today I officially hit 18 months (yay), and I get to celebrate it by being awakened at almost 3 am to deep, burning muscle pain in my stupid shoulder. Which is obviously unrelated to the same pain that I’m always complaining about from my lumbar spine fun fair.

 

The overall pain levels are like nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and they shift from place to place, day to day.

 

One of the wisest Buddies I know reminded me that it’s part of the post-benzo lousy-dopamine adventure, and I do believe that is spot on.

 

Sorry you’re having this too, Nevercantell – another crazy thing to overcome, right?

[[pr...]]

Buddies. My usual stinging, pulling muscle pains have changed today to a deep,deep ache! 

It still hurts like hell but I`m hoping the change means something good is happening.

 

Anyone notice their muscle pain has changed like this?

 

 

i absolutely love it when the usual pains change up. i definitely think that is a good healing sign. and to change from pulling, stinging to a deep ache is a really good sign too.

[[ne...]]

Thank you Leslie and PD...

 

This pain has certainly changed up today with deep, deep aching all down my left side, so as we do, I began to think of fibromyalgia!

 

Dont you just hate it when that benzo voice decides a little sleeping pill couldn`t have given you such painful symptoms and it must be something else?

Tomorrow the pain will probably move and I can diagnose myself with another new disease.....oh well onward and waiting.

 

Congrats on your 18 months Leslie and so sorry you`re in pain too.

 

 

[[Te...]]

Marj......I'm really struggling with nerve and muscle pains....I'm guilty of not always eating 100%  clean ...and last night my throat or esphogus was squeezing so bad I thought I was dying so I sneaked a cigerette ...and it didn't help....I'm farther out then most of you and I'm struggling with pain...and some days I really feel like I'm dying...then when the anxiety kicks in I'm toast....I feel what happened to me this summer set me back huge...and I'm going in for a colonoscopy on Friday....

 

PD....your so helpful...and it's so nice to hear that you had worse times...did you feel at around four years you were worse or it was terrible.....?

 

Marj....I understand how you feel....I do.....and you also help me survive during each day....because I know that I'm not the only one struggling ...I'm crawling along at times....I suck at saying the right things and my mind isn't clear today but  I understand your struggles and I feel we need to just say how we feel....hugs

 

TM

 

Does anyone else feel that the holidays are loading us down?

 

 

 

[[Er...]]

I'm about to hit 24 months off in two weeks.  I generally consider myself to be about 90%-95% healed except for the occasional 1-2 day wave I seem to get every 3 months or so. I've been in a wave these last few days and it's been a bad one!  Is it normal to feel almost healed most of the time but then crash for a few days this far out?? Thanks all.

[[pr...]]

Dont you just hate it when that benzo voice decides a little sleeping pill couldn`t have given you such painful symptoms and it must be something else?

 

 

i go through this quite often and when the symptoms ease up i am always kinda shocked and have an all knowing that this is all from benzo damage/injury and will one day all lift. but there are times when i really do feel like it's something else or MS or something else really bad. it can feel that bad sometimes. i am always shocked when it lifts and not surprised.

 

PD....your so helpful...and it's so nice to hear that you had worse times...did you feel at around four years you were worse or it was terrible.....?

 

there was just that one time at the 44 month mark where all of a sudden i had like 11 new symptoms and i felt like i was in a severe setback but it lasted about 3 weeks and then i slowly got better and returned to baseline. i guess it just was a wave and all part of how this healing takes place. but it got so bad that for a few days there, i was really frightened and getting my affairs in order, i could not walk at all and i had to use a cane to even walk around the house for those 3 weeks. so yeah, it can get really bad later on -- but maybe that's just a bad wave for some people. doesn't necessarily mean that people are getting worse. i've heard other's on here who have said that all of a sudden they felt like they were in a totally new withdrawal.

 

[[Vi...]]

Hi everyone,

I'm so afraid this pain in my head/ scalp is never going to go away. I'm  19 months benzo free now and only 0.7 mg remeron ( coming off slowly) but my pain is not getting better.

I wonder many times is my pain is same like other people have or I have some permanent brain damage what never going to heal.

Most night are getting better but as soon I'm up my scalp start to thingling and is not a good thingling feeling. Is like when you hit your elbow and you feel all your nerves painful thingling after. That's what I feel in my scalp all the time. By afternoon is become more painful and is squeezing burning all painful feeling all over in my head/ scalp.  Is give me so bad anxiety afternoon and the anxiety triggering even more pain. Crushing weakness, crying, inner shaking just feel like I'm dying. Is like this for over 2 years now.

I'm wondering if is still withral? Or something else?

Maybe hormonal?

Anybody experiencing something similar?

Love and healing

Vica

[[Te...]]

Vica......I've got nerve pains in mouth that squeezes and tightens my jaw and face....I know it's not the scalp but between nerve pain and burning mouth....it's aweful....all I  can say is I've been to so many dental specialist and burning mouth specialist and know one seems to know what it is...oh I've also done tons of tests with a neurologist .....I shake at times specially when it makes my throat tight...the pain effects my every move and though most of the time....wish you well...

 

TM

 

[Guest [Le...]]

Hi everybody, today’s my 18-month milestone. I guess we’re all on this crazy zigzagging path together – some party, huh? 

 

The ‘funny-bone’ nerve pain used to be just in my weak area, which is the formerly-mild neuropathy in my feet, from a degenerative lumber spine issue.

 

First it spread to my knees, and now it’s surging through my hands and forearms, in the classic glove-and-stocking pattern described by Ashton and Breggin. These surges spread recently, after beautiful natural sleep, and my cheerful disposition and clear mind all returned. It’s always something – these drugs leave no stone unturned.

 

I’m hopeful though, because everyone says the burning goes away. Since my insomnia magically vanished after I didn’t sleep for two years, I’m going with the hope that the rest of this hell is gonna dissipate too. 

[[an...]]

Congratulations LeslieAsh!

 

Vica- no doubt that scary pain is either from benzos or tapering. Either way, you will heal. Keep your eyes focused on healing 

[[ne...]]

Vica. I`d bet that your pain is from the drug/s, we all seem to get hit with one king symptom and that and that`s the one that follows us all the way through.  Keep going, we`re told that we all heal!

[[ci...]]

TRUTH: The burning goes away, been there, It completely goes away. I promise.

[Guest [Le...]]

TRUTH: The burning goes away, been there, It completely goes away. I promise.

 

Thank you so much, Cindy I’m on fire from my toes to my hips. Posts like yours help keep the rest of us alive.

 

[[Vi...]]

Thank you with all my heart to Cindy, nevercantell,ang,Tm, for your encouraging words.

I feel blessed to belong to group like this. I would give up a long time ago if I would not have this support. Probably I would be on all kind of different drugs just to ease my pain, anxiety and depression. I still don't know my body will survive this hell but I hope it will.

Thank you again.

Love and healing to you all🙏💕

Vica

 

[[Mi...]]

Hi All,

 

SO SORRY, Just caught up on all the posts here...  So much suffering!

 

I wish I could spread some joy but I write this with a heavy heart and tears a flying....

I was reading my posts from last time this year...  I was running errands in town getting Christmas gifts and well I seemed to be much much better than I am at the moment...

I will be 4 years February and am just down the rabbit hole.  I am supposed to be going to the inlaws this wknd 3 hour drive and I am just frantic about it.  You al know how well I do leaving town, crazy!

This anxiety is swallowing me whole...  I truly don't know what to do anymore...  Daily panics it just doesn't feel right this far out.  I am really starting to doubt the whole timeframe...  I am worried this is just now what I'm left with after enduring this process...  I worry I will be stuck with this fear forever... 

My stress response is so bad.  I just truly don't know anymore. 

I have started to make myself drive again...  The past two weeks I have made myself drive to my Moms everyday.  Its only about a 5 minute drive but OMG, I swear its pure torture...  I had the mother of all panic attacks in October while driving and I hadn't drove since....

I feel I am losing myself completely...

I know they say it can get worse before it gets better but really after almost 4 years it just doesn't make sense... 

Am I the only one having this anxiety issues still?

 

Lockie, I tried the CBD hemp for a few days and idk I had to stop...  Maybe I will try again when whatever is going on lets up a bit...

 

Marj, I love you Dear Friend...

 

Merry Christmas Ya All...

Much Love MJ