Please need help. 😭

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I’ve been tapering for almost 3 years. 
the 2nd cut of xan something snapped in brain. I’ve been unable to cope and have felt totally insane the whole way. Have lost my whole life. Severe insanity feeling. Inner aka mental aka. Just really really bad every second of the day. 
I was at 3.5 mg xan.  Now at .18mg. The benzo wrapped working completely. And to unstable to switch. 
Have  lost my whole family. I’ve hit a Al time idk what to even call it. I can’t distract. I feel totally insane and am pacing in circles and can’t get a grip ever wandering around not knowing what’s going on. Scared to talk to even my own kids. Peeking around corners and tiptoeing around.  😭😭😭😭. I’m awaken when I do sleep with the most horrific feeling in stomach like going down an hill real fast)  all the way to throat of this unbearable severe insanity feeling. That forces  me to get up. (What is this ) Force myself up after haveing the most awful and non making sence thoughts. Get up and  am so so severe. I’m a really bad way. I need help so so so bad if I’m gonna make it.  I feel different than anyone else on the planet. Sowmthing is not right with this taper.  Idk what to do. I’ve held for months before with no change. I have lots more symptoms. But this inssanity feeling and can’t distract Sowmthing has to give.  I really need some advice on what to do. The feeling I have upon waking has to have soomekind of help. Cause I can’t handle it.  I tried vitamin c. Don’t help. I find myself more and more taking a tad bit more to combat this. But it’s only a temp patch.  And really don’t help.  Please please anyone like this?? . I can’t take this please help me and please don’t scare  me. I’m like this evry second of everyday. I have so so much trauma from family abandoning me.  I’m in a state of idk. But Sowmthing has to give.  Please advise.  Sorry so long post.  

Edited May 9 by [Ad...]
Took out me saying I didn’t want to be here.

[[Ma...]]

It sounds like you were stable before this last cut, is that right? Can you updose, stabilize and then think about resuming your taper later?

Do you have a doctor you are working with? Can you call and get an appointment for tomorrow to assist you?

I’m sure others will respond soon, so hold on. Breathe, just breathe in, hold and slowly breathe out; repeat.

You’re not alone and collectively people will be here to support you.

Breathe…

[[Co...]]

Hello @[Ad...]. Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

It seems that you are having a rough time of it. Is there anything different about the most recent reductions to your dose? What size reductions to dose do you make, how frequently, and how do you achieve these reductions?

If you feel that you might be danger to yourself or this is too much for you to handle, please contact your doctor or even go to the hospital. Your safety must come first.

It is very late for me and I need to log off now. But I expect other members will be along to help. And I will return tomorrow. We understand what you are going through. You are not alone.

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2 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

It sounds like you were stable before this last cut, is that right? Can you updose, stabilize and then think about resuming your taper later?

Do you have a doctor you are working with? Can you call and get an appointment for tomorrow to assist you?

I’m sure others will respond soon, so hold on. Breathe, just breathe in, hold and slowly breathe out; repeat.

You’re not alone and collectively people will be here to support you.

Breathe…

Actually no. I haven’t been stable the whole way. But it’s gotten so much worse. I’ve tried to hold for a few months. No help. I’ve tried updose. No help. Idk what to do. This isn’t normal is it ?  

[[Ma...]]

There is no ‘normal’ as everyone is different but I have read many stories similar-very similar-to yours.

Xanax has a short 1/2 life so many transition over to Disazepam for their taper as it last much longer in your system.

The important thing right now is for you to get some help. Can you make a Dr appointment for tomorrow? As Collin said, go to the ER if you need to, without hesitation, to get help.

If you can, google The Ashton Manual and read it and/or have your dr definitely read it to aid you going forward.

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2 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

There is no ‘normal’ as everyone is different but I have read many stories similar-very similar-to yours.

Xanax has a short 1/2 life so many transition over to Disazepam for their taper as it last much longer in your system.

The important thing right now is for you to get some help. Can you make a Dr appointment for tomorrow? As Collin said, go to the ER if you need to, without hesitation, to get help.

If you can, google The Ashton Manual and read it and/or have your dr definitely read it to aid you going forward.

Dr don’t know I’m tapering. He would cut me off. And er will put me on anti psychotic 😭😭😭😭.  I’m screwed.  

[[Ja...]]

Hay bud you sound like your going through a really hard time,I do know this withdrawal can really mess with your head,keep that in mind and try see it like your looking in on it,.3 month ago I came of to quick and seen the mental health team a few times,.I was diagnosing myself with a disorder not really putting 2 and 2 toegether,.I also reinstated to find it was making me feel really worse after a dose,.it’s took me untill a just recently to feel more stable and start again properly ,.but the experience still rattled me,.that’s a long time to struggle,if your mental pain is that bad daily I’d really think about getting a bit of help bud,you can only take so mutch : )

[[Ma...]]

Okay. You can go to the ER, explain what is happening. Bring the Ashton Manual with you (on phone) to show you are serious, that this is a valid situation and you’re NOT drug seeking. That happens a lot (including to me), so be prepared.

If they disrespect you ask/demand a Patient Advocate.

Refuse any antipsychotic. Tell them you need to stabilize on another benzo, either Valium of Clonazapam. Then tell them you need a referral for a doctor to assist you with tapering.

If the try to put you in the psych ward, well, I can’t tell you what to do, but explain this isn’t a psychiatric issue as much as it’s your nervous system, brain being completely disregulated and your intent is to STABILIZE so you can do a proper taper without throwing more neurotoxins into your already fragile system.

Maybe Hydroxyzine, that many-including Colin-will help you sleep and help with the anxiety.

You’ve got this. First, get some help and stabilize, then you can find a dr and some here (me too) can advise how.

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2 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

Okay. You can go to the ER, explain what is happening. Bring the Ashton Manual with you (on phone) to show you are serious, that this is a valid situation and you’re NOT drug seeking. That happens a lot (including to me), so be prepared.

If they disrespect you ask/demand a Patient Advocate.

Refuse any antipsychotic. Tell them you need to stabilize on another benzo, either Valium of Clonazapam. Then tell them you need a referral for a doctor to assist you with tapering.

If the try to put you in the psych ward, well, I can’t tell you what to do, but explain this isn’t a psychiatric issue as much as it’s your nervous system, brain being completely disregulated and your intent is to STABILIZE so you can do a proper taper without throwing more neurotoxins into your already fragile system.

Maybe Hydroxyzine, that many-including Colin-will help you sleep and help with the anxiety.

You’ve got this. First, get some help and stabilize, then you can find a dr and some here (me too) can advise how.

I’ve been on high dose trazadone for years. 

[[Ma...]]

Okay. There’s that-don’t stop it cold turkey if it isn’t working as it has to be tapered too. You can take up to 300 mg safely (I’m not a doctor), so maybe you need to increase the dose for sleep.

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1 minute ago, [[A...] said:

I’ve been on high dose trazadone for years. 

And I’ve felt this way ever since 2nd cut when I first started tapering. Except now it’s 10000 x worse.  

[[Ma...]]

I get it, I really do. And that happens to a lot of people.

What do you think your next steps should/could be?

Can you talk with your dr tomorrow and try switching to a longer 1/2 life benzo? Ask for help tapering?

Do you feel you need to go to the ER?

Edited May 9 by [Ma...]

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3 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

I get it, I really do. And that happens to a lot of people.

What do you think your next steps should be?

Idk. I can’t think I’m severely confused and disoriented and can’t think. Feel insane and like I’m loosing my mind.  😭😭😭😭😭.  I can’t 

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4 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

I get it, I really do. And that happens to a lot of people.

What do you think your next steps should be?

Trauma trauma trauma stress stress stress from loosing my whole family is main culprit on top of all this.  

[[Ma...]]

Hopefully someone will come in and share their loses of loved ones, as people were talking about the same in another thread today. And that can be temporary. TEMPORARY-so please do not think you have lost your family for good. 

Right now though you need to stabilize, be 100% focused on only YOU! On getting stable.

Edited May 9 by [Ma...]

[[Le...]]

Are you is the usa?

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Just now, [[L...] said:

Are you is the usa?

Yes

[[Le...]]

I lost everyone during this and all are back now. I am together enough to show them the information about this and for them to trust me again. That will come for you too. 

[[Le...]]

Just checking. people are more aware of these issues where you are so you are more likely to be treated well. 

[[Ka...]]

@[Ad...] keep talking to us people here really understand 

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4 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

Just checking. people are more aware of these issues where you are so you are more likely to be treated well. 

No one is like me at all. No one. Man. 

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Just now, [[A...] said:

No one is like me at all. No one. Man. 

 

5 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

Just checking. people are more aware of these issues where you are so you are more likely to be treated well. 

And people say to stabilize. How can you stabilize an already damaged brain. I’ve tried to take more benzo and it makes me worse.  I have no hope man. None. I just want to be able to think logically and rationally and be able to distract.  That’s all.  😭😭😭😭😭

[[Ma...]]

@[Ad...] That’s not only not true, it’s not helpful.

Come back, come back to this moment: are you going to go to the ER? You could always leave, or they could actually help you and you would get immediate support.

The brain is NOT damaged, it’s injured like your leg would be. And you do NOT have a traumatic brain injury.

Your GABA receptors are not getting what they need so you stabilize by upregulating them with a benzodiazepine that it has become dependent on.

 

Edited May 9 by [Ma...]

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9 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

@[Ad...] That’s not only not true, it’s not helpful.

Come back, come back to this moment: are you going to go to the ER? You could always leave, or they could actually help you and you would get immediate support.

The brain is NOT damaged, it’s injured like your leg would be. And you do NOT have a traumatic brain injury.

Your GABA receptors are not getting what they need so you stabilize by upregulating them with a benzodiazepine that it has become dependent on.

But I’ve tried to updose and it does not help. It makes me worse I have Valium. I’ve even tried Valium and it does not help it makes me worse. I don’t know what to do.  And the hospital Sure don’t know what to do. All they will do is  give me antipsychotics, and I’m too unstable to explain how I feel, I feel  absolutely insane. They will send me stright to psyc ward with over seas dr who only prescribe anti psychotics.  I agree. I need some kind of help. But I have no where or no Idea where to turn. I always think maybe tomorrw will be better. But it never is.  I pray so much I know he sees all of us suffering.  I don’t understand why he won’t answer our prayers. But he will heal people of cancer and make blind people see. 😭😭😭😭

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15 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

@[Ad...] That’s not only not true, it’s not helpful.

Come back, come back to this moment: are you going to go to the ER? You could always leave, or they could actually help you and you would get immediate support.

The brain is NOT damaged, it’s injured like your leg would be. And you do NOT have a traumatic brain injury.

Your GABA receptors are not getting what they need so you stabilize by upregulating them with a benzodiazepine that it has become dependent on.

My head is a loud high frequency not from ears. But my brain. It’s always there. Same pitch. Ever since 2nd cut.