6-12 month thread....

[[Gr...]]

Hi guys,

 

Iam not caught up on all the posts, but I just want to let you all know I'm feeling a shift in my healing-- for the better. I'm still having some sx , but iam dealing with stress better and more functional. My weeks are jam packed busy, and I'm doing it, and I'm able to get do much accomplished lately. My mood is much better and even though I'm still dealing with some sx  I feel so much better over all-- its very hard to put into words. I can feel that I truly am healing. The difference between 2 months ago and now is night and day. I also have no mental sx  at all. You are all in my thoughts everyday, I just want to encourage all of you that it does get better. Month 10 I was bed ridden for an entire week and now I'm busy from the time I wake up until bedtime and I'm doing it!! I know I still have a way to go, and that I might get stuck in another wave, but I know that in 2 months I'm feeling big improvements so don't give up guys! Jenny

 

Jenny, this is wonderful, wonderful news.  I'm so happy for you. 

[[Gr...]]

THanks mommy.  I have read her story.  Still on two other meds unfortunately which I fear I'll never get off of.

That's why I asked about the Seroquel.  I think it helps.  If I knew when I jumped what I know now, I would have taken it.  (took it before.)

 

I think you were spared the worst of the nightmare on it.  I've heard of people coming off without too much trouble.

 

Green I didn't realize you CT'd.  I'm trying to help mo2 find a doctor to not ct her from 100mg Librium which is 40mg Valium.  She has tried 4 times to quit but it's really hard.  To see how 'great' haha you are doing is incredible.

 

I started at 30mg Valium.

 

I wouldn't recommend a CT, not from 40 mg V equivalent.  It's hard to find a doctor to get involved at this stage

 

Its a terrible situation and irresponsible of her dr.  I'm hoping my dr will work with her.  She also has developed allergies to most other meds we mention.  I'm hoping she can use pheno which I know the dr will consider.

 

Her name is mommyof2.  She also has no insurance and a 1 and 3 year old.  Very difficult situation.

 

M, that is a very bad situation.  Is she out of meds yet?  I guess if she pays him he might take her on.  Your guy is an addiction specialist?

[[No...]]

Wow ... so much going on here ...

 

So encouraging to hear from those doing better ...

 

For those having a rough time ... you are doing a wonderful thing for yourself ... this will get better ... nobody gets left behind ... and the mantra ... one day at a time ... healing happens each and every day ...

 

I am still bouncing along on this wave ... and it will pass soon like they always do ...

 

Keep going, folks, keep adding those stones to your healing cairn ... time and patience and being kind to ourselves will see us through this ...

 

Take Care ...

 

[[pe...]]

Green- Not Matt, a different guy. I'm sorry about your stressor. It's such a bugger that life goes on despite benzo withdrawal. Ever feel like yelling, "Stop the ride, I want to get off!"

I hope things settle soon.

 

 

My sleep was poor last night. I have some revving going on (supplements, I think so) but I'm also still struggling with my mood a fair bit. Please don't let me be left with persistent depression! My dr has lifted for a few days now. Please let the depression be next to burn off.

I am do for my period (sorry guys) in two weeks. This could be ramping up because of ovulation. But it started a week ago which would give me three weeks of PMS in my 7 week cycle, that's 21 days of PMS! Seems to long to attribute to hormones, two weeks of PMS is typical for me. Always trying to find the answers, make the connections….

 

Off to work. I will do my best to welcome the children's light into my day.

 

Peace2

 

 

[[He...]]

Friends,

I am in desperate need of encouragement again.  I posted just yesterday about how good I was feeling and that I was out of my rough wave, but my anxiety started creeping up in the early evening until I was getting slammed.  I had to abruptly leave my daughter's volleyball game and I came home and climbed into bed.  I have so much fear coursing through my body, and it has been all night.  My sleep was terrible and I just dozed off and on all night long, waking many times to a cortisol rush.  I feel right back into acute AGAIN.  :'( I don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

I am shaking, afraid, full of anxiety, have internal vibrations, have a uncomfortable current zipping under my skin...the works.

I almost feel like these bad waves this far out are harder to deal with than they were earlier.  Earlier I was mostly miserable, so the variation of miserable didn't matter much....but not when I get thrown back into a brutal wave it seems so much worse because I often feel good.

This could be normal, right?  :'(

I want to just curl up in my bed and hibernate.

Feeling much hurting, fear, and discouragement...

HH

 

[[pa...]]

Hi Healinghope.  How about an epsom salt bath to calm the nerves and relax you a little bit?

[[Co...]]

HH.. oh man...so sorry you are getting hit like this. Yes I think this is unfortunately normal for w/d. Seems like most of us in the late months of year one and beyond are getting great baselines interrupted by killer waves after significant improvements. Green and I were both feeling improvement at month 10 and got slammed with weeks of feeling like acute had rolled in.

. .HH.  I hope this passes quickly...at 15 months you Java more than paid your dues. I hope this is your last wave that puts you in bed. I know how intense it must have been to send you home from your daughterw 's game. .  We are supporting you HH.  Take good care.  This one will pass to...as Nova says, " they all do ".  Thinking of you today.  Coop...

[[He...]]

PaperBoat, I sure wish I could take a bath to relax, but I have to be in my classroom in 30 minutes.  UGH!!  I'll be taking one tonight, for sure.

 

Coop,

Oh my goodness, this is awful.  :'( I kind of think this may be hormonal because I feel like I am about ready to start my period.  Cramps, face is broken out, the works....even though it has only been 2 1/2 weeks since my last period.  I almost hope I do because it gives some sort of a reason.  Always looking for the "why"....

Thank you for the support.  I keep trying to remind myself what the Canadian dr said about 2 years.

[[mr...]]

HH,

 

I originally wrote this for you, buddy   Go in and read his posts and where he was at, at 15 months off! The quite below was his PM a coupe days ago

 

YOU ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE!! Keep seeing anxiety through, don't run girl You can do this!!

 

Love to you

 

Mrs.

 

Hooray!! One of the buddies I PM'ed got back to me and said to go ahead and share his reply!!

 

His buddy name is Sir William. HealingHope, and all you other 12-16 monthers, I would strongly encourage you to read his final remaining posts, which happen to spell out where he was at when he stopped posting at 15-16 months off: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;area=showposts;u=3747

 

This was his response to me, which I received a couple days ago:

Hey there! Thank you for dropping a line. I have very few issues these days from benzos. I was in great doubt about my future health but by God's good grace and mercy and my proactive steps (eating healthy, exercise, etc) I have overcome. Occasionally, I do have some "fogginess" but it mainly happens when I have a lot of stress. I haven't had any panic or anxiety attacks for a cpl yrs now! Praise the Lord!  All the best to you in your journey; don't turn back to these medicines; stay focused and positive--AND, you must be consistently proactive in the recovery of your health. Be blessed!

Sir William

 

How cool this is. The dream is real, and healing is fo' sho'!!

 

Mrs.

[[Mo...]]

Friends,

I am in desperate need of encouragement again.  I posted just yesterday about how good I was feeling and that I was out of my rough wave, but my anxiety started creeping up in the early evening until I was getting slammed.  I had to abruptly leave my daughter's volleyball game and I came home and climbed into bed.  I have so much fear coursing through my body, and it has been all night.  My sleep was terrible and I just dozed off and on all night long, waking many times to a cortisol rush.  I feel right back into acute AGAIN.  :'( I don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

I am shaking, afraid, full of anxiety, have internal vibrations, have a uncomfortable current zipping under my skin...the works.

I almost feel like these bad waves this far out are harder to deal with than they were earlier.  Earlier I was mostly miserable, so the variation of miserable didn't matter much....but not when I get thrown back into a brutal wave it seems so much worse because I often feel good.

This could be normal, right?  :'(

I want to just curl up in my bed and hibernate.

Feeling much hurting, fear, and discouragement...

HH

 

HH, yes, I guarantee you it's normal.  More of the same. 

 

Yes, the more taste of normal we have, the harder a wave seems.  Even now, for me, my days are mostly normal so it's shocking to not sleep and have the crazy train pull in.  It's what has thrown me for a loop.

 

For me, depending on the size of the wave, I can have an effect on it.  Divide the day up.  Who and what can you use to distract?  If you are too rev'd up to rest or are at work try to use the Phillipians 4:8 principle and lean into everything 'of good report', think about what you know to be lovely and true etc. 

 

I have been discouraged lately because in the past I was able to throw a scripture at a wave and the thing would disapate.  Now I am finding it's a faith issue.  We are doing this over and over.  I want to lay in bed sipping coffee and pretend everything is normal with me and the world.  I am bucking this process. 

 

We must go back to what we know.  What did you used to do during a wave?  I called friends, family.. Do a mental rally and tell this wave it has no authority over you.  Nova is good at riding these.  If you can couch it then hang tough and throw on some Joyce Meyers.

 

This will pass because it always does.  Yes, this is normal for us.  Unfortunate, but normal.  Check your baseline.  Is it still solid? Probably. 

 

Remember the success stories.  Lost Dog said 18 months.  I believe having to work can extend things.  The reason I say that is because I'm pretty good while I have no stressors in my day.  The moment anything changes, good or bad, I am affected. 

 

My brain instantly feels spongy and I feel like I need to cough.  Then I wait for the mental shuffle. 

 

I am so sorry this keeps popping it's head up, but it's less and less.  One day it will be gone forever.

 

I read this at 3am when I couldn't sleep.  It said:  O enemies of mine, you are doomed forever.  The Lord will destroy your cities .. Even the memory of them will disappear.

 

I thought to myself how this drug and it's reaction in my body is the enemy and all the cities of my brain and body it's camped out.  Then I remember the first success story I ever read.  The lady wrote about how she currently felt and put in capital letters... THERE IS NOTHING TO REMIND ME.  That is what ran thru my head when I read the 2nd part of the verse...

 

EVEN THE MEMORY OF THEM WILL DISSAPPEAR FOREVER.

 

This day will come for us because I've tasted it.  I've actually been unable to console because a wave was that far behind me.  I would read how well you came back and comforted our group and worried I wouldn't be able to do the same thing because I was on the other side.

 

You will return to the paper clipping, over achieving, loving mommy and wife I admire.  This is a blip.  Nothing more.  Just a ripple.  Hang in there and know we still take comfort from the path to forge ahead of us.

 

Hugs MommyR

[[sa...]]

Have you guys ever heard of using supplements to quickly get off psych meds. In talking to a place that says they can comfortably have me off both my detox meds in a month without using any other meds. Only use supplements to support my cns. Does this sound too good to be true. Thanks.

[[mr...]]

HH,  also check out the new success story by Maggie6117, "Im Loving My Life Again'", and then read her past posts: http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?action=profile;area=showposts;u=27104

 

I telling ya, you are not alone!! This is NORMAL, and you CAN do it

 

Love to you

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

Friends,

I am in desperate need of encouragement again.  I posted just yesterday about how good I was feeling and that I was out of my rough wave, but my anxiety started creeping up in the early evening until I was getting slammed.  I had to abruptly leave my daughter's volleyball game and I came home and climbed into bed.  I have so much fear coursing through my body, and it has been all night.  My sleep was terrible and I just dozed off and on all night long, waking many times to a cortisol rush.  I feel right back into acute AGAIN.  :'( I don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

I am shaking, afraid, full of anxiety, have internal vibrations, have a uncomfortable current zipping under my skin...the works.

I almost feel like these bad waves this far out are harder to deal with than they were earlier.  Earlier I was mostly miserable, so the variation of miserable didn't matter much....but not when I get thrown back into a brutal wave it seems so much worse because I often feel good.

This could be normal, right?  :'(

I want to just curl up in my bed and hibernate.

Feeling much hurting, fear, and discouragement...

HH

 

HH, I am so, so sorry you're dealing with this.  I think it's the same wave you've been dealing with.  Coop and I have a similar experience, where sx ebb and flow, stop a whole day, and come back hard.

 

Yes, I think it's harder when you've had a break for a while, think you've got your life back a little, and then it gets ripped away again so far out.  (That goes through my mind as I take small reentry steps, will I be able to honor the commitments I make now, later?)  Those waves when they hit are ferocious in intensity, and we always forget how bad they are until we get them again.

 

Good news is, I believe with every fiber of my being this is normal withdrawal, that it takes probably two years, with mostly good days as far out as you are.  And it's okay to baby yourself a little. 

 

I want to search for something you wrote a long time ago that helped me, that helped everybody.

 

Be well.  And don't worry.  The fear really kills us.  It creates doubt and unnecessary suffering over and above our waves.

[[Gr...]]

Friends,

I am in desperate need of encouragement again.  I posted just yesterday about how good I was feeling and that I was out of my rough wave, but my anxiety started creeping up in the early evening until I was getting slammed.  I had to abruptly leave my daughter's volleyball game and I came home and climbed into bed.  I have so much fear coursing through my body, and it has been all night.  My sleep was terrible and I just dozed off and on all night long, waking many times to a cortisol rush.  I feel right back into acute AGAIN.  :'( I don't know how I'm going to make it through today.

I am shaking, afraid, full of anxiety, have internal vibrations, have a uncomfortable current zipping under my skin...the works.

I almost feel like these bad waves this far out are harder to deal with than they were earlier.  Earlier I was mostly miserable, so the variation of miserable didn't matter much....but not when I get thrown back into a brutal wave it seems so much worse because I often feel good.

This could be normal, right?  :'(

I want to just curl up in my bed and hibernate.

Feeling much hurting, fear, and discouragement...

HH

 

HH, I am so, so sorry you're dealing with this.  I think it's the same wave you've been dealing with.  Coop and I have a similar experience, where sx ebb and flow, stop a whole day, and come back hard.

 

Yes, I think it's harder when you've had a break for a while, think you've got your life back a little, and then it gets ripped away again so far out.  (That goes through my mind as I take small reentry steps, will I be able to honor the commitments I make now, later?)  Those waves when they hit are ferocious in intensity, and we always forget how bad they are until we get them again.

 

Good news is, I believe with every fiber of my being this is normal withdrawal, that it takes probably two years, with mostly good days as far out as you are.  And it's okay to baby yourself a little. 

 

I want to search for something you wrote a long time ago that helped me, that helped everybody.

 

Be well.  And don't worry.  The fear really kills us.  It creates doubt and unnecessary suffering over and above our waves.

 

Just wanted to add this.  You wrote it.

 

Quote from: HealingHope on June 11, 2014, 05:23:17 pm

 

Here is what I just wrote on my progress log:

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

6/11 - OK, here's the deal.  I AM healing.  I am just having a tough wave, but here is what I know about waves:

              I have always come out of them before.

                They suck, but are temporary.

                They usually have lead to a better baseline.

                Other people get them too, and they also come out of them.

 

You will feel better.  This is temporary.

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Checking in..

 

Still sweating.. broken sleep.  I have a fast gain going on.  Rapid.. Like 4 pounds this week.  Not sure what this is.  In May I gained 7 pounds in one day.  Then it fell off.  I assumed a month ago that was what was happening but it isn't easing up.  Still don't have a menstrual cycle.  It's bad enough to have my hair be brittle and dry.  I pretty much feel like this had put me into benzo menopause.  It's definitely affecting my hormones.  Small meals, big meals, high protein... shakes.. nothing stops the hunger.  I'm ready to padlock the fridge.  Mrs and I talked about starting weight training to help things burn off.  I haven't been able to get the gym because I have had a house guest.  I'm also tired.  Just tired tired. 

 

I feel unsatiated with food.  Constantly hungry.  I"m sure the lack of sleep doesn't help. 

 

So there you have it.  Another day in the life.  I have to keep fighting.  Every inch and cell of my body has been and continues to be attacked.  The good news is I am healthy.  I really look forward to this being over.

 

MommyR

[[Gr...]]

 

 

Yes, the more taste of normal we have, the harder a wave seems.  Even now, for me, my days are mostly normal so it's shocking to not sleep and have the crazy train pull in.  It's what has thrown me for a loop.

 

Hugs MommyR

 

M, when people here wonder, is this me or withdrawal, it's usually about anxiety or depression.  I worry about the crazy train, lol -- seriously.  Have the crazy train pull in.  I love that.  And, no, crazy might be a stop for me on this wild and wooly and bizarre journey, but it's not a destination!

[[wh...]]

Thanks Jenny; so encouraging. Glad you are better today Peace.

Satch just hang on and come here to vent and get reassurance and give what you can.  We all know your struggle...it is hell and it will get better.

[[Mo...]]

Have you guys ever heard of using supplements to quickly get off psych meds. In talking to a place that says they can comfortably have me off both my detox meds in a month without using any other meds. Only use supplements to support my cns. Does this sound too good to be true. Thanks.

 

Satch.. slow and steady wins this race.  Quick fixes can cause greater harm later on.  Get a calendar and plot your escape from the seroquel.  We are here for you.

[[sa...]]

This wave just continuing to pound away. I was suppose to go to my sons school for an IEP meeting with his teachers and had to bail because of the nausea. Real bad today. Staying close to the bathroom. I'm trying to stay busy today. I keep a list of things to do every couple of hours otherwise nothing gets done due to the lethargy.

 

As the beating continues, I keep telling myself that this pain will bring a huge improvement in symptoms. Praying for everyone who is suffering.

 

I'm also anxious about my wife. She just had her mamogram. They want her to come back for a diagnostic image. That doesn't sound good. My fear does not need this kind of worry. If anything happens to her we are screwed. Keep us in your prayers.

[[Mo...]]

This wave just continuing to pound away. I was suppose to go to my sons school for an IEP meeting with his teachers and had to bail because of the nausea. Real bad today. Staying close to the bathroom. I'm trying to stay busy today. I keep a list of things to do every couple of hours otherwise nothing gets done due to the lethargy.

 

As the beating continues, I keep telling myself that this pain will bring a huge improvement in symptoms. Praying for everyone who is suffering.

 

I'm also anxious about my wife. She just had her mamogram. They want her to come back for a diagnostic image. That doesn't sound good. My fear does not need this kind of worry. If anything happens to her we are screwed. Keep us in your prayers.

 

You get bumped to the top of my prayer list Sasquach.  Yes, get thru this slowly.  Nausea was a constant companion of mine for months.  I begged to go to emergency after my 3 year olds birthday because it was like a knife of nausea slicing thru me.  Husband said no.. It was wretched.  Your wife will be in my prayers too.  Don't project.  Cast the thoughts away.  Your wife isn't going anywhere until God says so.

[[ga...]]

sas...I understand your concern over your wife's health.  I go through the same thing year after year.  She had breast cancer 10 years ago.. Luckily, caught in the early stages.  Just remember doing these tests gives her a much better chance at beating it by catching it early. Also remember...IT MAY BE NOTHING AT ALL.  You're a worrier just like I am, I see.  Always thinking about the "what if's" and worse case scenarios.  As my wife tells me, I'm wasting so much time and energy by worrying about something that may never happen.  My wife is currently waiting for test results on her ultra sound on an ovary along with some other tests.  I always stress during these waiting games.  Harder on me than her.

[[sa...]]

Thanks - I don't know if I was always such a worrier. I think this fear that I get with benzo withdrawal make even the smallest problem seem catastrophic. So getting something like this on my mine send the benzo brain into overdrive thing of all kinds of crazy bad scenarios. I know we'll get through, just wish I was in better shape to handle it all.

[[be...]]

Hey sas, chronic worry is a withdrawal symptom. I worry over everything from sun up to sundown.

This morning I swept the kitchen floor and noticed a dead spider behind the trash can, immediately I started to worry why the spider was dead. My brain ran with the thought that maybe my kitchen has something toxic in it. Out of withdrawal I would have swept the spider up and not gave it a second thought.

You just can't shrug things off when in withdrawal, it won't let you. The worry does seem to calm down after a while but it will always let you know that you have something to worry about.

I hope things calm down for you.

Hugs.

[[ga...]]

beaulah...I happened to be one of those that was a worrier and somewhat anxious type well before using these drugs.  It was those traits that initiated my insomnia...anxiety at bedtime thinking I won't sleep that got me started on the ssris and benzos.  I kind of expect that I will continue down this path for the foreseeable future.  I am trying to get it under control though.  I find there are days I can get my thoughts and worries under control others it runs rampant.  Lot of it depends on the amount of sleep I had the prior night.

[[sa...]]

This is so brutal.  I fear the other meds are actually making me worse which is so confusing.  I can't tell what is doing what.  Is is withdrawal or is it side effects or a combination of both.  I'm very scared I am not going to get better and even if I do there will be nothing left in my life.  I've been destroyed by this and am really despondent much of the time.  I just fear I'm going to really lose everything and end up homeless.  I'm very scared. 

 

Is 6-8 month period a big period for healing?

 

Thanks again, friends.