6-12 month thread....

[[wh...]]

Hi everyone;

A few of you guys sound so good.  Hooray This is awesome

Satch; I think we are around the same time frame and its been rough the last 4 weeks for me...intrusive thoughts; head, chest pressure; sore achy body; horrible health fears and just plain fear.....of nothing in particular.  I hate this the most. I also need reassurance or hope that it will pass soon.  Mrslaw I will hold to that 6 month getting better scenario.

I notice I definitely think better; so much better but fear and dread/anxiety body stuff really bad :'(

This group of amazing people have gotten me through hell.

Thanks Minnie for that poem and all your uplifting posts....

 

[[mi...]]

You are welcome whoot......your time is coming.....hang on.... ..m..

[[pe...]]

Just want to report that I'm doing better. My dr is all but gone, my energy is up and my mood is better. I still have that empty/pit in my stomach feeling 24/7. But it's ok as long as I'm busy. Thank you for holding my hand through the weekend. 

 

Peace2

[[dr...]]

Fantastic news peace!

[[sa...]]

Survived another day.  I can't believe my life has become this pathetic.  I am so pissed that I didn't learn my lesson and never touch another benzo ever again.  Should have treated it life an allergy.  I destroyed my life taking 16 total mgs of klonopin over two months.  Got dependent again, got updosed by an idiot doctor and then cold turkeyed which  annihilated me.  Please give me hope that there is a point to this suffering. 

[[Co...]]

Peace ...that is wonderful wonderful news!. I am so happy for you...You are healing Peace...coop

[[li...]]

Peace I am still reading the thread allot.... I can tell by your posts how much you are healing.... welcome to windows...

 

You are healing!

 

Life

[[Mo...]]

Just want to report that I'm doing better. My dr is all but gone, my energy is up and my mood is better. I still have that empty/pit in my stomach feeling 24/7. But it's ok as long as I'm busy. Thank you for holding my hand through the weekend. 

 

Peace2

 

Really great to hear!!

[[pe...]]

Thanks, friends. I was in touch with a benzo survivor and writer over the weekend. He advised me to try to keep my job and to consider Remeron if I'm not managing my depression. His advice was to stay away from SSRIs and Snris, for what it's worth. I think it's interesting how often Remeron is suggested and prescribed during withdrawal. He also said better days could be right around the corner.

 

Hope.

Peace2

[[je...]]

Hi guys,

 

Iam not caught up on all the posts, but I just want to let you all know I'm feeling a shift in my healing-- for the better. I'm still having some sx , but iam dealing with stress better and more functional. My weeks are jam packed busy, and I'm doing it, and I'm able to get do much accomplished lately. My mood is much better and even though I'm still dealing with some sx  I feel so much better over all-- its very hard to put into words. I can feel that I truly am healing. The difference between 2 months ago and now is night and day. I also have no mental sx  at all. You are all in my thoughts everyday, I just want to encourage all of you that it does get better. Month 10 I was bed ridden for an entire week and now I'm busy from the time I wake up until bedtime and I'm doing it!! I know I still have a way to go, and that I might get stuck in another wave, but I know that in 2 months I'm feeling big improvements so don't give up guys! Jenny

[[Co...]]

Jenny.. that is so great.  So very encouraging. You are only in month 13 and living your life from morning to night...I am holding on to all of the positive posts on here tonight. .My window dimmed ( depression and d/r all day today), but it is manageable and I know it will pass in a day or so which makes it easier to accept and roll with it. My baseline is holding at an improved 80-85%.  sometimes 90%. ...I can manage anything except the head pressure. I am just so relieved to not have the torture of head s/x ...everything else seems doable.

  Jenny this sounds like a turn around for you...you so deserve it.  Coop

[[pe...]]

Hi guys,

 

Iam not caught up on all the posts, but I just want to let you all know I'm feeling a shift in my healing-- for the better. I'm still having some sx , but iam dealing with stress better and more functional. My weeks are jam packed busy, and I'm doing it, and I'm able to get do much accomplished lately. My mood is much better and even though I'm still dealing with some sx  I feel so much better over all-- its very hard to put into words. I can feel that I truly am healing. The difference between 2 months ago and now is night and day. I also have no mental sx  at all. You are all in my thoughts everyday, I just want to encourage all of you that it does get better. Month 10 I was bed ridden for an entire week and now I'm busy from the time I wake up until bedtime and I'm doing it!! I know I still have a way to go, and that I might get stuck in another wave, but I know that in 2 months I'm feeling big improvements so don't give up guys! Jenny

 

Jenny,

I'm so happy for you and your sweet family. This is a much deserved victory after every tough day you faced. I'm so glad you are finding your way back into your life. Keep us updated on your continued healing ….when you can pull yourself away from your beautiful life!

 

Peace2

[[mr...]]

Survived another day.  I can't believe my life has become this pathetic.  I am so pissed that I didn't learn my lesson and never touch another benzo ever again.  Should have treated it life an allergy.  I destroyed my life taking 16 total mgs of klonopin over two months.  Got dependent again, got updosed by an idiot doctor and then cold turkeyed which  annihilated me.  Please give me hope that there is a point to this suffering.

 

Hang tight, Satch

 

Your perspective is "shaded" with blue-colored benzo shades This is why things seem so bleak & dismal. I promise you, its not! Your life is not pathetic, I assure you

 

I would encourage you to PM another buddy on here, Northofhere They tapered klonopin three different times, and finally stuck with it the third time. Your histories align quite a bit! They're now over three years off, healed, and doing very well. My favorite thing about Northofhere is that they didn't change their lifestyle one iota during withdrawal -- kept working, with a one hour commute each way, did grad school & art residency, didn't change their diet, no extra meds, no additional medical screening, traveled far places, etc -- all with three different withdrawals & the "kindling" that comes from it all. Whoa! And in reading their posts from their first year off the drug, man oh man! -- they had it something ROUGH!! Now -- let me clarify -- I have definitely gone easier on myself than them. I changed my work schedule, diet, vitamin regime, one extra med, minimized travel for a while, etc. But I tell ya, I am INSPIRED by butt-kickers like that. Whenever I'm tempted to think "I can't..." I call it out for what it is -- BULLSH** (parden the "French" implication, please -- I get feisty with LIES ).

 

You're doing awesome, Satch. You're not going to be "the one" who doesn't heal. You're getting better every day, in every way. You just keep on plugging along, takin' it one day at a time. Pretty soon here, it'll be 3-6 months from now, and you won't believe how far from the "wreckage" you've truly came! One step, one day at a time. That's all you need to focus on -- today. My husband ("Mr." we call him here) tells me often, "You have grace enough for today." He is right. Grace enough for today. So today I will do!

 

Take care Satch. You rest well tonight, buddy.

 

Mrs.

[[Gr...]]

THanks mommy.  I have read her story.  Still on two other meds unfortunately which I fear I'll never get off of.

That's why I asked about the Seroquel.  I think it helps.  If I knew when I jumped what I know now, I would have taken it.  (took it before.)

 

I think you were spared the worst of the nightmare on it.  I've heard of people coming off without too much trouble.

 

Green I didn't realize you CT'd.  I'm trying to help mo2 find a doctor to not ct her from 100mg Librium which is 40mg Valium.  She has tried 4 times to quit but it's really hard.  To see how 'great' haha you are doing is incredible.

 

I started at 30mg Valium.

 

I wouldn't recommend a CT, not from 40 mg V equivalent.  It's hard to find a doctor to get involved at this stage

[[Gr...]]

I've read a decent amount of posts from people who had major depressive episodes on seroquel.  Just an fyi.

 

You're right, it's an awful drug.  But it does give some relief with sleep.

[[Gr...]]

The divergent opinions on seroquel is what u grapple with. On one hand I know it's helping me sleep. On the other hand I fear it's making me worse. I know it's a terrible med. Very dangerous and can be hard to get off of. What have you guys heard about it in benzo withdrawal.

 

Satch, I went to an outpatient detox in 2009 to get off Xanax.  I was benzo clueless, and apparently so was the detox.

they put me on 200 mg. Seroquel, which I took before bed.  I used to just become unconscious.  It wasn't sleep, it was like being drugged.

 

I'm just saying, it took the edge off the benzo withdrawal.  I was able to work then.

 

This time around was very, very intense.  I don't know if I had kindling, and maybe Seroquel wouldn't have helped.  Who knows.

 

So if you think you're ready to come off, start a taper.  It can't possibly be any worse than coming off benzos.

[[Gr...]]

Satch - I would not recommend Seroquel, which a powerful antipsychotic. I have a friend who was on the and it took him months to get off. He had horrible withdrawals.

 

I don't think we want to add another pill to this benzo w/d.  It will only complicate things and bring additional withdrawals.

 

I think he's already on 100 mg.  It's in his signature

[[Gr...]]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to add my thoughts to the discussion about Seroquel. I went to my doc in June (2014)- I was in a very bad state - he put me on Serouel 100 mg IR 3x/day - after weeks of no sleep, I started sleeping and I felt better for a little while. Then things changed. In the next phase, I think Seroquel made my bad thoughts highly exaggerated - I had to go to the ER to get help - I committed myself to the psych unit in August - I was there 4 days. The doc cut me off the Seroquel and put me on Celexa - I hate meds as much as anyone but during my worst day in August, I decided that I want to live and try to go on - thus the Celexa - I need it to keep my motivation to go on. Because I had never had bad thoughts pre-benzo, I wondered if the Seroquel sent me down that road. I have been on the Celexa since mid August - the bad thoughts seem to be a lot less. I would never suggest taking a med to anyone - but, in my case it was necessary. I hate all this, and I may be stuck with a med for a long time - these days, I am unable to eat at all. I keep having a vision of a better life than this - I would like to get there and I did what I had to do to keep crawling toward it.

Satch, God bless you dear, keep reaching out. You are not alone.

 

~Allie

 

Allie,

 

You've had a terrible time.  I'm so sorry.  Seroquel is an antipsychotic.  And they gave you 300 mg per day.  Which is an insane dose.

 

They say if you didn't have depression before benzos, you shouldn't have it after.  I think you're going to see some better days soon.

 

[[Gr...]]

To my wonderful friend for which I have so much love. All of you have been my strength through all of this. I just want to say that I am attempting to stay away from the boards for a bit because I just feel that the issues I have are basically exterior stressors and less the side affects -- although I know that what I am going through is made worst if it were not for the benzos. I believe that I am under it all just at a 80% baseline but I can not judge it because I have so much stress in my life. I will come back but for now just taking off a couple of days. I cant wait until my stresses subside a bit in my life so I can breath easier. I know that we are all going to make it. I am reading posts every day but I just am not posting that much. I love you al for what you have done for me in my life and now I must figure out what to do if it where not for these stresses. God bless you.

 

Life

 

Life, I had a real life stressor today, too, that was about money, probably a lot.  And I got insane.  Threw myself into a wave place. Better now, though.  I was thinking of you and your stressors.  I guess they call that situational anxiety.  It goes off the charts when the CNS is not yet fully healed.

Anyway, take your time, hope all goes well, and remember how much we all support you.

[[Gr...]]

Yep ... I am in month 12 ... part of me wants to reply "whoopy-ding", "so what" ... and another part says smartin' up buster ... this is significant ... this "means" something ... stop putting that bushel over your light ... you don't "need" to be afraid anymore ....

 

And this is one of the blessings of this journey ... along with all the drug stuff we deal with, I get to do some more tidying up from the leftovers of my pre-drug days ... this journey off the drug is the longest running workshop I have ever attended ...

 

An "official" welcome to Chris and Drew ... this group does not pay much attention to numbers (okay, folks, stop rolling in the aisles, it wasn't that funny) ... we have folks here from all over the timeline spectrum ... pre-6 and post-12 ... take what you need, give what you can ... that's the way our "pot-luck" sustains itself ...

 

Have a good Wednesday ...

Yep, I just entered 15 months out and it's just another number. I just won't put the pressure on myself to heal at a certain mark or timeframe.

I'm healing and having much better days.

I woke up this morning wanting to drive somewhere, anywhere. While I know I'm not ready to drive yet I can also feel that it's not far away.

I still have the sweet sensitivities and it's killing me. I put just a little honey in my oatmeal this morning and I leaped tall buildings....lol.

I can read on here that you all are healing, you might not notice it and sometimes we don't recognize the healing while others around us do.

We are all healing!! Hugs.

 

Beulah,

 

I'm so happy to hear you are doing well.  I'm cautious, too, even though Coop things I'm brave and daring, lol.  And, yes, you're right, we're all getting so much better.  I remember this time last year, trying to get through the minutes was a nightmare.  Things are much better now.

[[Gr...]]

Green.  Hooray!!!! For you!!.  You are an inspiration for me..." not feeling 100% but getting out there anyway ".  You are brave to go out and do what you want with and in spite of s/x. I am getting out. little more but usually with my daughter.  Mostly out shopping etc. I am beginning to think about going back to the classroom. My cute says give it a few more months..my head says push through. So I am in limbo. I am comfortable enough with where I am at to be okay withputtering nd doing easy ventures with my daughter, but restless enough to want to move forward to volunteering again. I did feel a boost in confidence when I went to the movie with my grandson. I will be going to my son 's BD this weekend and feel relaxed about that. I get anxious thinking about going out by myself and going back to the classroom. ..I will practice in short ventures. I actually had more bravery about going out in months 4/5 . Month 6. and 9 wrecked my confidence.. so for me I think going slow and steady feels right.

.  ...So.  Green.. move to my city and we will practice 'getting out there ' together.  lol. ..So happy for you Green and think you are brave brave brave..  Here 's to you girl!.  ..coop

 

Coop, I would love to move to your city and practice getting out.  And we would have to hike up the mountain by your house.  (You have one, don't you?)

 

It's good that you're thinking about volunteering again.  I can understand why you're cautious.  We got slammed.  I had that bad 6 month thing with you, and then that crazy mother of all waves we just had.  Coop, figure it this way, if we're going to get hit again, we're going to get hit.  It's that simple.  Nova got hit again, Jenny did.  We heal however we heal.  I don't think it matters if you volunteer.  Just don't break dance or do any marathons. 

[[Gr...]]

Hi Friends,

Today marks 15 months for me and I am almost totally out of that brutal wave that hit at about 14 1/2 months.    I am feeling really good!  I still have some little things, like a feeling of nervousness out of the blue now and then.  But it's nervousness...like butterflies in my stomach, rather than all-consuming-bring-you-to-your-knees anxiety.  You know how NICE "just butterflies" are???    My awful chest anxiety seems to be almost gone, thank God.  I feel good and full of joy and hope again. I had Awards Chapel this morning, where I have to speak in front of a crowd (which I hate), but I felt calm.  Even ON benzos, I would physically shake when I had to present awards...but this morning I felt CALM.  WOW!! 

Prayers to all of you,

It gets better...I'm just a few months ahead of most, and it really gets better.  Keep plunging through and eventually we will be breaking through. 

Love you all,

HH

 

HH,

 

I knew you had a bad one and it threw you for a loop.  But it's over now.  I'm so happy for you.  And 15 months!  Wonderful.  I'm so happy for you.

 

Green

[[Mo...]]

THanks mommy.  I have read her story.  Still on two other meds unfortunately which I fear I'll never get off of.

That's why I asked about the Seroquel.  I think it helps.  If I knew when I jumped what I know now, I would have taken it.  (took it before.)

 

I think you were spared the worst of the nightmare on it.  I've heard of people coming off without too much trouble.

 

Green I didn't realize you CT'd.  I'm trying to help mo2 find a doctor to not ct her from 100mg Librium which is 40mg Valium.  She has tried 4 times to quit but it's really hard.  To see how 'great' haha you are doing is incredible.

 

I started at 30mg Valium.

 

I wouldn't recommend a CT, not from 40 mg V equivalent.  It's hard to find a doctor to get involved at this stage

 

Its a terrible situation and irresponsible of her dr.  I'm hoping my dr will work with her.  She also has developed allergies to most other meds we mention.  I'm hoping she can use pheno which I know the dr will consider.

 

Her name is mommyof2.  She also has no insurance and a 1 and 3 year old.  Very difficult situation.

[[Gr...]]

Hi there

 

I have just come across this 6-12m  thread, what a good idea!

I am coming up to the 12 month point from jumping and two years since being first prescribed benzos for a terrifying psychoneurological medical reaction. Apart from not feeling like the same person as two years ago I am doing well.

My moods are pretty stable and any NS symptoms are lessening by the month.

My withdrawals were vicious so there is hope for everyone! 

Best wishes to fellow BBs,

magga xx

 

Hi Magga

Welcome.  Glad to hear you're doing so well at almost 12 months.  You have an anniversary coming up soon. 

 

The not feeling like the same person, that I relate to.  Sometimes I think it's the DP/DR, and sometimes I think I'm just different now, really a different person.  And in some ways that's good. 

 

[[Gr...]]

Thanks, friends. I was in touch with a benzo survivor and writer over the weekend. He advised me to try to keep my job and to consider Remeron if I'm not managing my depression. His advice was to stay away from SSRIs and Snris, for what it's worth. I think it's interesting how often Remeron is suggested and prescribed during withdrawal. He also said better days could be right around the corner.

Hope.

Peace2

 

Peace, I am very, very happy for you.  You're not talking about Matt, are you?  I read his book.  It helped me a lot.