6-12 month thread....

[[ga...]]

HH, Coop, Green...I can very much relate to what you are dealing with.  Especially, HH.  I have to have some sort of a routine to my life.  If I am sitting around, as I often do early in the morning it gives my mind time to wonder to not so good places.  During the day, between work, exercise of some sort, getting on the computer etc.  I have some distraction.  If we give our minds to much idle time it is easy to go to places that make us depressed.  For me lately it is thinking about all the missed opportunities to live my life and enjoy time with my wife and family.  What good does thinking this stuff do other than to make me depressed.  By the way this is situational and not clinical...NO MEDS for this way of thinking. 

 

On a different note I am happy to say my sleeping has improved the last week and that is OFF all OTC meds.  That is huge for me.  It is in no way perfect but I am generally getting enough sleep to be functional and feel connected during most days.  Still up to early and would like and additional hour or two...maybe that will come in time.  I actually took a day trip to Park City, Utah  to see the autumn leaves and do some hiking with my wife.  I can say it is the most enjoyable time we've had in years.  I was awake and felt connected and truly there enjoying time with my wife.  I completely forgot about the health issues and test results we are both waiting on.  It was one heck of a great day and I will hope for more.

 

This morning I am laying in bed with some of those nasty negative thoughts...trying to push them away.  Actually, that's why I am here this morning.  This board truly does help.  I am hopeful in the next few weeks to have some of these medical issues behind my wife and I so we can go on living and enjoying life.

 

Glad to hear others are doing better. 

[[No...]]

Garton ... good to hear you had a good day ... and the sleep thing is moving in a positive way for you ... and well, thoughts are thoughts, can't eat them, can't compost them, and can't erase them ... so, I suppose we just let them come and go ... keep the ones we like for a while, let the others float away ...

[[No...]]

WORD FOR THE DAY

 

Sunday, Oct. 5

 

Trust yourself; you know more than you think you do.

 

Benjamin Spock

 

[[No...]]

Hi Folks ... sitting here feeling pretty droopy today ... my three week wave is moving into a four week one ... not harsh, not making me crazy ... just blah, blah, blah ... the "doldrums" I suppose ...

 

To those of you posting about a good day that is so good to read ... thank you ... these posts bring a smile to an old guy ...

 

"Re-entry" is its own struggle ... and we need to treat it like we have all the other "phases" ... time, patience and kindness ...

 

Have a good Sunday ...

 

[[ga...]]

Nova....sorry to hear your still not feeling all that great.  You have that stick-to-it-ness and I am sure you will pull through this.  We're all here for each other and it really helps having that support.  Your encouragement is always appreciated.  Regarding on how you  deal with "thoughts"/...you are spot on.  Let them come and then let those you don't care for pass.  I just wish I could be more accomplished at doing just that.  A work in progress.  Try and enjoy the rest of your weekend.

[[Co...]]

Garton...you are sounding so good...I am so happy for you. Most of us nearing or at and beyond a little seem to be writing the same post. That is a good indication I think....to me it is a reassuring sign that our s/x are w/d and will disappear ..eventually without meds etc. I could have written your post myself. Better sleep is such a huge deal for you Garton...huge that you are sleeping without meds. I am sleeping better too..but like you waking up early with mildly looping thoughts. I just get up...no sense in lying there ruminating. Once I am up and take the dog out and have some decaf things are better.

...Your trip to see the Fall show sounds so healing to the spirit and so good for you and your wife ad you wait for medical tests. I thought about your upcoming cardiac tests...the fact that cardiac physician was willing to wait an entire month for the tests says ( Imo) that he is not immediately worried about you.  I am also wishing you the best with your wife 's tests.

.....With all that you have on your mind Garton you are hugely improving....sending you love and wishes for big sunbreaks and windows.....keep us posted.. you are inspiring us...coop

[[Co...]]

Green...hi buddy girl...thanks for the encouraging post. You are such a source of strength and support to me. You are do right...slow slow slow....keep reminding myself of the 2 year time frame. I am only about half way...but so much better. My only real remaining s/x is the dreaded head s/x ...which has a real grip on me. This morning I font have it but have some blood streaked clear nasal flow...( sorry for the tmi) ...and it has stolen my focus and engaged some of my irrational health fears. I am distracting pretty well and am going to my son 's BD dinner this evening. Other than that ..this morning my s/x are very mild and quiet. ....Yes I have met with my life coach twice and it has been very helpful in encouraging my mind to focus away from s/x ( when possible...I still have plenty of times when my mind is just a run away train wreck). It gives me some small concrete goals some accountability and some face to face support. I really like her and she is ' all there for me '...she is even willing to meet me at the end of a destination practice. I am going to our gorgeous Japanese park this week to meet her. This is not very stressful for me.. just enough stress that it is not overwhelming but enough that it is a good starting place. I have some residual agoraphobia but the real wall is going back to volunteering in my grandsons ' classrooms. I understand that I might not get there until Spring but I really want to be there...and I am really afraid to be there...wimpy girl that I am. ...The first step was to think about just going to the classroom as a visitor rather than a volunteer and consider only going around the 3 holidays coming up..mHalloween...TG ...and Christmas...do the next step was calling the teacher and offering that ...then picking a date for October and committing to it and taking dome treats in tor the kids and staying for one hour....wow! How did my life become reduced to this?! ....

...HH and Peace...I just don't know how you show up each day to your classrooms every day...Absolute Wonder Women to me

...Green...you are moving forward so consistently every day...you are lighting my path....I follow you every single day. Thank you so much for all the individual meaningful encouraging and informative responses to all of us..we love you....coop

[[ga...]]

Coop...Slowly but surely moving in the right direction.  The sleep certainly makes the difference for me.  It allows me to enjoy and be in the moment rather than getting caught up in past and future thoughts.  Distraction has been the key even with these nagging medical issues hanging over me.  If I start thinking too much I find I get caught in that gerbil wheel.  Round and round with thoughts spiraling out of control.  Sometimes it's easy to let those thoughts just pass as Nova suggests.  Other times, especially, early in the morning not so much.  I hope the sleep keeps on it's current track and things will be okay.  No pressure now!! 

[[Co...]]

Garton...the " geribel wheel "...exactly..<3

[[Sk...]]

Hello everybody, I have been missing for a few days and I am totally out of the loop with the thread.

 

I can't hope to catch up with the thread !

 

So, I am starting a clean slate from here. I had a few busy days in which I had symptoms but at least my brain, was not haunted by that black cloud that seems to follow me everywhere.

And that makes such a difference, let me tell you. You can have palps and vibrations but if the mind is alright it is bearable.

 

Unfortunately, my brain is the most affected part so working with my brain, requires careful planning, because it shuts  down after very little effort.

In order to get my lessons done, get the preparation done, I had to avoid any other brain activity, which included BB. It got me very tired but that was ok.

I had some back to back lessons, and mr Sky would bring me something warm to drink, or a quick bite, to keep my brain slightly connected and I managed somehow.

 

At nights I have been sleeping like a log even though, falling asleep is something that triggers all of my symptoms. I stick to my two naps during the day, because otherwise I am a zombie !

I hope that this will get easier on me in time. Seems yesterday that a one hour lesson made me sick for two days in a row !

 

I hope to find it easier to be on BB and do my things but that might take time.

 

I met up with a friend, she is the only one who  knows I have a brain injury. We hadn't met in ages, so we had a lot of catching up to do.  It was nice but I am glad to isolate for some more time, I just worry too much after. " have i said the right thing ?"  all the self editing that I hate.

 

When it comes to writing here on BB, about our wd, my writing gets bad again. It had got slightly better in these days and I  was so happy but it depends on what I write. If I have to talk of wd I  have a very hard time.

 

Ok,this is enough for now. I hope you have been doing better. 

 

[[Co...]]

Nova....nice to see you this morning. I wish you had greater relief. You are such a study in ppatience and acceptance.  You are just a little past one year. I am thinking that in the next 3 months our posts are going to be reflecting more 're-entry'. I think you are so right to frame re-entry as another phase of w/d....s process unto itself...I am trying to practice more patience and acceptance around pre- entry. I seem to do the best with " I will accept whatever the day brings and do my best with it ". ...better at it on some days than others.

........Thank you Nova for supporting and inspiring us every day...we love you....coop

[[No...]]

Coop ... in many ways that's all we have left to do ... we have learned most everything else ... "accept what shows up and make the best of it" ...

 

[[pe...]]

Trying to take the advice to accept what shows up. Today's cast of characters includes intrusive thoughts, mild anxiety and head pressure. I don't like it, I'm well aware that it could be worse and I accept there's little to be done. I went on a 40 minute run today and 'tried' a little meditation. I do feel like I'm at the point where exercise, meditation and art could do me some good. I'm pretty disciplined with the first one, but haven't managed the later two. Today I'll prep for the work week, spend at least a few moments with my water colors and then it's evening candle lit yoga with my best friend. Come on lil brain, we can do this!!!

 

Nova, I hope your wave breaks soon. You are such an example of patience and determination. It takes both in this process. 'You' were in a dream of mine the other night, sitting in a recliner in a cabin, letting the days pass. In my dream you were smiling. I really appreciate 'the word of the day'. All of the days, but especially today.

 

Coop,

I hope you have a great dinner with your son. You are getting there and your coach sounds amazing, an angel to help you through this part of the journey.

 

Garton,

So glad you're getting sleep. We find so much healing in that place just beyond our comfort zone. For you it's trusting that sleep will come if you stay away from the medications long enough. A person with less grit might have thrown in the towel after a few nights.

 

I hope everyone is being kind to themselves, gentle and loving to the person fighting through this.

 

Peace2

 

[[pe...]]

New success story by Vertigo. He felt 90% at 18 months and 100% between 2-2.5 years.

We've come along way, but we mustn't forget that it's 'normal' for this to persist for many.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=118050.0;topicseen

 

[[Co...]]

Peace....thanks for the link to Vertigo 's story...I needed that reminder today...My anxiety is ramped a little mo4e today..  more chemical today ...but definitely has a mental component.

...Peace your exercise ..meditation and art are strong strategies...and you are so darn strong and determined.  an inspiration to me today..  thank you Peace for supporting and encouraging us when you yourself are 'toughing ' it through today... wishing you another 90% ...no, 100% day.  Coop

[[Co...]]

Sky.  Don't worry about 'catching up '....this is a busy thread...just hop on wherever you join us at. ....I get the brain 'damage '..  you are putting pieces of your life back in place ...while still suffering s/x.  that takes such huge effort...daeserving of 2 naps. You are taking care of yourself...that is so important. One day at a time...day after day...eventually we have strung together a strand that becomes our pearls of healing....we are all so close..  coop

[[Co...]]

Hey 6-12 buddies.....we are at page 500 of our thread.. .I can not wait to see what we are all posting in the next 500....more and more healing I am sure.

.  ....Wishing all of us healing and happiness.....love to each one of you....coop

[[Sk...]]

Sky.  Don't worry about 'catching up '....this is a busy thread...just hop on wherever you join us at. ....I get the brain 'damage '..  you are putting pieces of your life back in place ...while still suffering s/x.  that takes such huge effort...daeserving of 2 naps. You are taking care of yourself...that is so important. One day at a time...day after day...eventually we have strung together a strand that becomes our pearls of healing....we are all so close..  coop

 

Thanks Coop, you are right of course. The biggest lesson of wd, sadly,  is the hardest, to be kind to ourselves. If I take nothing else from this, I  want it to be the capacity to be kind to myself.

 

How and when did we forget something so important?

 

It is the least selfish thing in this world and yet, we feel bad about it ! Go figure.

 

Hey 6-12 buddies.....we are at page 500 of our thread.. .I can not wait to see what we are all posting in the next 500....more and more healing I am sure.

.  ....Wishing all of us healing and happiness.....love to each one of you....coop

 

I am eager to find out !  Here's to our future !

 

Peace, watercolours and meditation sound good. Art is surely the best way to find some peace, no pun intended !

 

I have my sketchbook of wd. I started it in January and I have almost finished it.  I can look at those drawings and each, tells me more about my suffering than a million pictures, I can touch my suffering.

If I hadn't started drawing I don't know how  I would have handled wd, it was the only art that helped me without upsetting me. I remember watercolours got me too excited and I had to stop !

 

See? we're already speaking about these things as if it were all  in the past ! It is a good sign, I think.

 

Good night everybody, take care of yourselves.

 

[[He...]]

Hi Folks ... sitting here feeling pretty droopy today ... my three week wave is moving into a four week one ... not harsh, not making me crazy ... just blah, blah, blah ... the "doldrums" I suppose ...

 

To those of you posting about a good day that is so good to read ... thank you ... these posts bring a smile to an old guy ...

 

"Re-entry" is its own struggle ... and we need to treat it like we have all the other "phases" ... time, patience and kindness ...

 

Have a good Sunday ...

 

 

Nova,

This is so very true and I found much comfort in these words today!  Re-entry IS its own struggle.  It is a phase in and of itself, it is exactly where I am now, and it must be worked through just as the other phases were. 

Thank you, as always, for your words of wisdom! 

[[He...]]

HH, Coop, Green...I can very much relate to what you are dealing with.  Especially, HH.  I have to have some sort of a routine to my life.  If I am sitting around, as I often do early in the morning it gives my mind time to wonder to not so good places.   During the day, between work, exercise of some sort, getting on the computer etc.  I have some distraction.  If we give our minds to much idle time it is easy to go to places that make us depressed.  For me lately it is thinking about all the missed opportunities to live my life and enjoy time with my wife and family.  What good does thinking this stuff do other than to make me depressed.  By the way this is situational and not clinical...NO MEDS for this way of thinking. 

 

On a different note I am happy to say my sleeping has improved the last week and that is OFF all OTC meds.  That is huge for me.  It is in no way perfect but I am generally getting enough sleep to be functional and feel connected during most days.  Still up to early and would like and additional hour or two...maybe that will come in time.  I actually took a day trip to Park City, Utah  to see the autumn leaves and do some hiking with my wife.  I can say it is the most enjoyable time we've had in years.  I was awake and felt connected and truly there enjoying time with my wife.  I completely forgot about the health issues and test results we are both waiting on.  It was one heck of a great day and I will hope for more.

 

This morning I am laying in bed with some of those nasty negative thoughts...trying to push them away.  Actually, that's why I am here this morning.  This board truly does help.  I am hopeful in the next few weeks to have some of these medical issues behind my wife and I so we can go on living and enjoying life.

 

Glad to hear others are doing better.

 

I have had a much better day today than I did yesterday because I made myself get up and start getting things done, rather than lounge around in bed.  It has helped tremendously!  I still have some symptoms nipping at my heels, but that's OK.  I think that we are in a specific section of this recovery, the "re-entry", and it comes with its own challenges.  The good news is that we are on the HOME STRETCH!! 

Keeping you and your wife lifted in prayer.  I am glad to read about your wonderful day yesterday. 

HH

 

[[He...]]

Garton...you are sounding so good...I am so happy for you. Most of us nearing or at and beyond a little seem to be writing the same post. That is a good indication I think....to me it is a reassuring sign that our s/x are w/d and will disappear ..eventually without meds etc. I could have written your post myself. Better sleep is such a huge deal for you Garton...huge that you are sleeping without meds. I am sleeping better too..but like you waking up early with mildly looping thoughts. I just get up...no sense in lying there ruminating. Once I am up and take the dog out and have some decaf things are better.

...Your trip to see the Fall show sounds so healing to the spirit and so good for you and your wife ad you wait for medical tests. I thought about your upcoming cardiac tests...the fact that cardiac physician was willing to wait an entire month for the tests says ( Imo) that he is not immediately worried about you.  I am also wishing you the best with your wife 's tests.

.....With all that you have on your mind Garton you are hugely improving....sending you love and wishes for big sunbreaks and windows.....keep us posted.. you are inspiring us...coop

 

Coop,

I think you are right about this.  It brought me comfort to have you point it out.  We ARE all going through very similar patterns, and I think this is normal at this stage.  The ups and downs, the feelings of doubt, the depression that came arise from it all.  Just knowing that this is, indeed, normal has helped me so much.  It has reframed this stage that I am in, once again, taking away the layer of fear that was starting to be laid down, and I am better able to continue on.

Thank you for your kind words, my friend.  I am keeping you in my prayers!   

[[He...]]

Sky.  Don't worry about 'catching up '....this is a busy thread...just hop on wherever you join us at. ....I get the brain 'damage '..  you are putting pieces of your life back in place ...while still suffering s/x.  that takes such huge effort...daeserving of 2 naps. You are taking care of yourself...that is so important. One day at a time...day after day...eventually we have strung together a strand that becomes our pearls of healing....we are all so close..  coop

 

Thanks Coop, you are right of course. The biggest lesson of wd, sadly,  is the hardest, to be kind to ourselves. If I take nothing else from this, I  want it to be the capacity to be kind to myself.

 

How and when did we forget something so important?

 

It is the least selfish thing in this world and yet, we feel bad about it ! Go figure.

 

Hey 6-12 buddies.....we are at page 500 of our thread.. .I can not wait to see what we are all posting in the next 500....more and more healing I am sure.

.  ....Wishing all of us healing and happiness.....love to each one of you....coop

 

I am eager to find out !  Here's to our future !

 

Peace, watercolours and meditation sound good. Art is surely the best way to find some peace, no pun intended !

 

I have my sketchbook of wd. I started it in January and I have almost finished it.  I can look at those drawings and each, tells me more about my suffering than a million pictures, I can touch my suffering.

If I hadn't started drawing I don't know how  I would have handled wd, it was the only art that helped me without upsetting me. I remember watercolours got me too excited and I had to stop !

 

See? we're already speaking about these things as if it were all  in the past ! It is a good sign, I think.

Good night everybody, take care of yourselves.

 

YES!!  The worst IS in our past.    The next 500 pages are going to be full of healing and life!

[[li...]]

Coop that you so much for your encouragement and continued support on this thread.

 

Nova you are awesome and I like you have been in the longest wave of my journey. Mine is caused by an exterior event. I just pray that God gives me the courage and strength to survive the hurricane.

 

Sky, you have come a long way an dI can tell by your post you are getting better.

 

Peace -- Wow, A window at 90%! I remember you were back a few months wondering what a window was. This is all great progress.

 

Green, thank you so much for your encouragement on this thread. You are awesome.

 

HH, things will get much better for you in the next few months. You are healing all the way.

 

Mommr, you are awesome! Things are turning and those night sweats will be gone some!

 

Garton, I pray for you and your wife and may you heal soon. I know that it is stressful to wait on results but you will be fine and I am sure everything will come out perfect! Why worry about what we cant control. I am really great at giving advice!

To all that I have not mentioned -- continued healing! Today I have been dealing with depression -- get this -- mostly from having a fear of being bipolar because one of my therapist ( for the fist time ever) said I might be bipolar. So what do I do... I start googling. It is so weird this anxiety thing.

 

Love to all,

 

Life

 

 

 

 

[[li...]]

Garton...you are sounding so good...I am so happy for you. Most of us nearing or at and beyond a little seem to be writing the same post. That is a good indication I think....to me it is a reassuring sign that our s/x are w/d and will disappear ..eventually without meds etc. I could have written your post myself. Better sleep is such a huge deal for you Garton...huge that you are sleeping without meds. I am sleeping better too..but like you waking up early with mildly looping thoughts. I just get up...no sense in lying there ruminating. Once I am up and take the dog out and have some decaf things are better.

...Your trip to see the Fall show sounds so healing to the spirit and so good for you and your wife ad you wait for medical tests. I thought about your upcoming cardiac tests...the fact that cardiac physician was willing to wait an entire month for the tests says ( Imo) that he is not immediately worried about you.  I am also wishing you the best with your wife 's tests.

.....With all that you have on your mind Garton you are hugely improving....sending you love and wishes for big sunbreaks and windows.....keep us posted.. you are inspiring us...coop

 

Coop,

I think you are right about this.  It brought me comfort to have you point it out.  We ARE all going through very similar patterns, and I think this is normal at this stage.  The ups and downs, the feelings of doubt, the depression that came arise from it all.  Just knowing that this is, indeed, normal has helped me so much.  It has reframed this stage that I am in, once again, taking away the layer of fear that was starting to be laid down, and I am better able to continue on.

Thank you for your kind words, my friend.  I am keeping you in my prayers! 

 

HH, what kind of symptoms and how does your depression feel like when it comes? Just wondering. I pray that you have continued windows and ultimate healing soon.

 

Life

[[sa...]]

When did everyone start to get breaks. I feel stuck right in the middle if acute still.  Feel I'll never get through this. You guys are great and I appreciate all of the support.