6-12 month thread....

[[He...]]

Hi Friends,

I've had a paradigm shift in my thinking today regarding this "re-entry" phase.  I know we have been bantering around the word for a while now, but I guess I never really thought much about it.  It was Nova's words of ""Re-entry" is its own struggle ... and we need to treat it like we have all the other "phases" ... time, patience and kindness ..." this morning that caused me to really GET it.  This is the phase that I am in.  Things are profoundly better, but I have been in a wave that keeps coming up for a couple of weeks now, very up and down.  I realized yesterday that it has been making me quite depressed, like I wasn't healing properly and that oh-so-common question of "is this ME?" would not leave me alone.  Re-entry DOES have it's own struggle, and it must be treated like the other stages of healing.  I was trying to, I don't know, maybe force my way through to the finish line?  In not accepting my re-entry for what it IS, a normal part of the process that will have its ups and downs, I was causing depression and also an increase of anxiety....which, in turn, made my waves worse. 

 

For me, I believe that re-entry really started about month 11.  I had a tough month 10, but then things shifted.  I would still get slammed on occasion (and still do), but things were getting better.  I believe that re-entry can last for a year, which would put me at the 2 year mark, but I believe that things continue to improve significantly.  I'm actually wondering if this re-entry phase doesn't turn out to be one of the most challenging.  Not because of the severity of the symptoms, but because of the weariness of the process.  I think this is why the mental reframing of this phase for me has been so significant.  I can wrap my mind around this process again and the layer of fear that was starting to build up around my doubts has been shed. 

 

Today I have been pretty productive, and it makes me feel good.  I have made big strides on my house, done several loads of laundry, I have the menu and calendar planned for the week, I helped my niece with her homework, I'll be cooking dinner shortly, and I will be going into my classroom to get things ready for tomorrow.  I am not feeling 100%, I have that chemical nervy anxiety that floats around my chest and back, but I'm able to accept it for what it is....part of the process.  My depression is much improved, though I am quite tired. 

 

This is quite the process, but I am excited for who I will be at the end of it all.  I have already found much joy in life that I had been missing for several of the benzo-years. 

 

Love to you all,

HH

 

[[He...]]

Garton...you are sounding so good...I am so happy for you. Most of us nearing or at and beyond a little seem to be writing the same post. That is a good indication I think....to me it is a reassuring sign that our s/x are w/d and will disappear ..eventually without meds etc. I could have written your post myself. Better sleep is such a huge deal for you Garton...huge that you are sleeping without meds. I am sleeping better too..but like you waking up early with mildly looping thoughts. I just get up...no sense in lying there ruminating. Once I am up and take the dog out and have some decaf things are better.

...Your trip to see the Fall show sounds so healing to the spirit and so good for you and your wife ad you wait for medical tests. I thought about your upcoming cardiac tests...the fact that cardiac physician was willing to wait an entire month for the tests says ( Imo) that he is not immediately worried about you.  I am also wishing you the best with your wife 's tests.

.....With all that you have on your mind Garton you are hugely improving....sending you love and wishes for big sunbreaks and windows.....keep us posted.. you are inspiring us...coop

 

Coop,

I think you are right about this.  It brought me comfort to have you point it out.  We ARE all going through very similar patterns, and I think this is normal at this stage.  The ups and downs, the feelings of doubt, the depression that came arise from it all.  Just knowing that this is, indeed, normal has helped me so much.  It has reframed this stage that I am in, once again, taking away the layer of fear that was starting to be laid down, and I am better able to continue on.

Thank you for your kind words, my friend.  I am keeping you in my prayers! 

 

HH, what kind of symptoms and how does your depression feel like when it comes? Just wondering. I pray that you have continued windows and ultimate healing soon.

Life

 

Hi Life,

I get a lot of chest anxiety.  It feels "zingy", like an electrical current that is zipping around my rib cage.  I rarely get a fast heartbeat or palpitations along with it, but it can feel sort of heavy in the center of my chest which freaks me out.  It will also sometimes be in my back or the side of my rib cage, but it doesn't worry me as much when it's there.  I realize that I sometimes get pretty tight throughout my rib cage, like I'm holding my breath in.  That, of course, makes it worse.  I am trying to work on deep breathing and relaxing when I notice it.

 

My sleep has been much better, but these past couple of wavy weeks have caused the cortisol morning wake-ups to return.  BLAH!! I can usually calm back down quickly though and fall back asleep.

 

My depression has been very much intertwined with my anxiety, but mostly consisted of dark thoughts (like I am dying right now, I will not get better, I am getting worse) and it triggers more anxiety.  Yesterday I felt like I couldn't hardly get out of bed, just very anxious and tired at the same time.  Yesterday was the first time I actually had "I don't want to live like this" thoughts, and they scared me.

 

The wave pattern for me has been very up and down, even from one day to the next or even within a day.  Must mean active healing?  I hope so! 

 

Praying for you too, my friend.

 

[[Co...]]

Well buddioes I had a complete set back tonight..I went to my son 's BD dinner tonight....and couldn't stay.  ughhhh...I started getting head pressure before it was time to go and had been having scary health fears all day.  I can not align myself with this head pressure.  I have weird images that don't don't seem to belong to me of my brain bleeding. Believe me I know how whackadoodle that is.  When I don't have head pressure or headaches I am at 80-85%  Sometimes I can manage to be ok even with the head s/x.  Tonight I knew I was doomed as soon as we got there. I got dizzy.  my head started pulsing and feeling pressured and my anxiety just took off. There were a lit of people there and a lot of motion...I just wanted to be home. I told my son I was having. pa if and he was great.. I came home and felt better right away but I still have some head pressure and full ears with low grade tinnitus.

. ..I am disscouraged scared and so mad. ..

......HH.  your generous description of your ups and downs at months 10 and after helped me out so much. This head pressure thing is going to be my undoing...I can't take it. It was reassuring to hear someone else say, " I feel like I am dying and have thoughts of death ". I don't want anybody to be tortured with that kind of awfulness but if we are both having moments like that...no doubt it is w/d

  ....I want to give up...I know I wont ...but I want to.  ..Well tomorrow is another day for all of us. Hoping for big healing and bright windows for all of us. Thank you .. every one of you for being on this thread.  ......cool

 

[[dr...]]

Awwww coop....it happens to all of us.  I had to leave a Broadway show at intermission three weeks ago. Last night I saw another show and did okay.  I get it...it's so frustrating but we will make it through to the other see.

 

Btw-that is by no means a complete set back...just another bump in the road.

[[mr...]]

Hello gang,

 

Well, I'm completely tired, but in a great way   I had a major victory this weekend!

 

This past weekend, my husband and I traveled to a business conference over 7 hours away from our hometown!  Traveling has been, in the past, a stretch for me during the low doses of withdrawal.  I've been stretching myself and traveling more in the recent months, driving 1-1.5 hours away from town, but nothing like this trip.  I made the decision about three weeks ago and committed to going.  From that point in time until we left on Friday morning at 6am, I had many periods of attack of the mind.  I had many thoughts, such as "God doesn't want you to go" or "Since God doesn't want you to go, you're not protected" or "You're not listening to what God wants/says, therefore you're being disobedient" and others similar to it.  For me personally, my faith and walk with God is very important to me, so thoughts like these were very tempting to be disturbing.  They felt very real, and sounded very convincing in "argument".  The dividing line in all these thoughts?  Two things that didn't align -- one was that these thoughts/feelings were based on fear.  Which, I believe, is not a voice of God.  And the second was that these thoughts/feelings did not really align with anything in the Word of God.  So, in the face of all these thoughts and feelings, I decided to go. 

 

We left at 6am on Friday morning.  Thursday during the day, I finished packing and got organized with what I needed to bring.  I slept just fine on Thursday evening, and awoke in peace.  The entire drive was pretty uneventful.  It was rainy and cloudy on the way there, on-again off-again.  In the past, rain had become an "irrational fear" developed.  It is annoying to me, as there is NOTHING "scary" about storms, and I have never had any fears of storms in the past.  So I am completely revamping my way of thinking toward them, even during withdrawal.  Long story short, there were some moments where I found myself tempted to feel "fear" about the rain, but I refused/rebuked those thoughts and we moved on.  Mr was wonderful and drove the entire way there and back, and provided good distraction with fun, off-beat conversation   All went well, and we arrived at the hotel by 3:30pm or so in the afternoon.  It felt sorta "surreal" upon arrival, as I was feeling a little bit of almost a "disbelief" that I was actually there, mixed with some anticipation over the unknown of what sort of experiences would come from the weekend.

 

I packed many things to help maintain my comfort, and to help me establish comfort zones at a distance.  A concern of mine was, How do I establish a "comfort zone" if I experience a panic attack at a distance?  So, I worked to make sure that I was taken care of in this regard.  I worked hard all weekend to REMEMBER that I am SAFE in ANY place and ANY circumstance -- a "panic" at home is no more or less "safe" than a "panic" out of town.

 

The entire weekend went well.  I honestly didn't feel anxiety or panic any "worse" or "more" than I did at home -- which tells me that all these "fears" and "anxiety" experienced at times aren't truly about the "things" they attach themselves to -- they are just what they attach to during the times I happen to experience them.  If that makes sense?  For instance, we were sitting in the coliseum on Saturday night.  There is a baseball stadium across the street, and they began to set off fireworks in the evening in celebration of a game win.  Well, we were sitting in the coliseum when they started going off.  For whatever reason, this presented as a "trigger" to me.  My thoughts asked "What if it is thunder?  What if it is 'bombs' from an attack?"  I worked very hard to stave off panic.  I got up from my seat and excused myself to the restroom, and on the way to the restroom I peaked my head out the door and saw a couple fireworks.  I told myself, "See?  Now SHUT. UP." and went back inside the coliseum and returned to my seat.  Things and thoughts like that to work at fighting off.  But, these types of DUMB things have happened in my hometown also, so it was no different of an experience.  If that makes sense? 

 

We only got about 4-5 hours sleep on Friday night, and about 6 hours sleep on Saturday night.  The function that was going on in the coliseum was loud, and full of stimulation -- good, motivational emotions, loud music and applause, etc.  There were also about 10,000 people in attendance.  The coliseum was located in the downtown of a large and major city, so the drive to it from the hotel included intercity traffic and noises.  Many things were unfamiliar and spontaneous in happenings!  So, needless to say, there was a LOT going on!  Things that I've never recognized as "stimuli" before benzodiazepines   These things were, and are, not "bad" of course -- I am glad they were there, and that I experienced them this weekend.  I learned that I CAN, even in times that I feel like I cannot. I learned a LOT about faith and capability, as well as UNlearned many things that my healing brain had accepted as "truth" while they were NOT.  We are all more capable than we give ourselves credit for!

 

Mr and I arrived back home about an hour ago, and I am left feeling grateful for this entire experience.  Grateful for going.  I am tired, yes.  I felt the effects of the extra "stimuli" this weekend, and it was more work to keep my "cool" through it all.  But by the grace of God (IMO), I DID IT!!!  I remained panic-attack-FREE the entire weekend, which I am grateful for   While I felt lots of panicky times, fearful times, temptations to withdraw into semi-"agoraphobic" feelings, I made it through and I feel I am better for the experience   Most importantly, I am realizing that, even if I experienced a panic attack, it would've been NO BIG DEAL.   But I am grateful that I didn't have one

 

Anyways, that was my weekend in a nutshell, buddies!  My little but amazing (to me) victory   I hope you all had a great weekend yourselves, and I look forward to seeing how y'all are doing soon   Take care for now, I'm off to bed!

 

Mrs.

[[dr...]]

Yay mrs!!!!   

 

It is a complete mind game how we can give ourselves more panic attacks outside the home.  It's a comfort thing of being home and if we have the mindset of not worrying about them they won't control us. I go on vacations and my mindset is I can have the same symptoms in a nice place.  So glad you made a huge leap in healing.

[[No...]]

Peace ... " 'You' were in a dream of mine the other night, sitting in a recliner in a cabin, letting the days pass. In my dream you were smiling." ...

 

Fascinating ... for the past three or four months, "strangers" have been in my dreams from time to time ... I cannot remember "dreaming" for a very long time before I started to remember dream fragments a few months ago ... I accepted this as one more sign of change towards healing ...

 

These "strangers" were always "helpful" in some manner ... the image of these strangers was varied ... male and female, young and mature ... and the settings are calm and engaging ...

 

Connection at a distance ... "keeping you in my thoughts" ... "you are in my prayers" ... "I hope for you" ... "I wish for you" ... "I know what you are going through" ...

 

Peace, I have read about this "phenomenon" ... and have "wondered" about it ... "imagined" I feel it ... your sentence turned on the light for me ...

 

Hi, Strangers ....

 

[[No...]]

Mrs ... wonderful and encouraging to hear of your weekend trip ... I am happy for you that you are taking such pleasure from your progress ... I can hear your smile ...

[[No...]]

Coop ... 

 

And so, once again we pick ourselves up, dust off the disappointment, smile in our efforts ... and move on to Monday ... and ... we never "fail" ... never ... never ...

 

We are reaching out through our healing to engage our piece of the universe ... and in that reaching each time there is a little more of us than there was yesterday ... we are putting on "healing mass" ... maturing in our healing ... and those who love us "know" we are dancing in our chrysalis ... and they will wait patiently, expectantly until we emerge complete and dynamic from this "birthing" ...

 

And, our love has not diminished during this healing ... it is strong and vibrant ... it extends from the place where we love ourselves outwards to envelope everyone, near and far ...

 

We are the Love that loves us ...

 

[[Sk...]]

Mrs, that is so great ! You were so kind to take the time to share the whole interiour monologue going on inside you. These thoughts make up our reality, drive us. It is not bad to have them, and it is great to overcome all of them as you did.

 

It was reassuring to hear someone else say, " I feel like I am dying and have thoughts of death "

 

I thought we were all having these still. Hopefully when they quit we let the other buddies know because they stand for most of the anguish of wd. Mine peak in the evening, when I am worse, but get better in the morning, so I know they are wd related. These thoughts are one of the many things that make wd so hard to get through.

I mean really, how ccan you concentrate on healing when you feel you are doomed anyway ?

 

Re- entry. Let me tell you how I envisioned re-entry. I am running a marathon, I get to the end of this marathon, aka Wd, and  they give me a golden  cup and interview me, asking me how I managed it !!!

Reality check, right ?

 

But we do deserve the cup, don't we ?

 

Ok, I must go now, have a nice awakening everyone. !

[[...]]

Oh HH, you described how I'm feeling so well! This has been the first time I've really asked myself, "is this just me, is this just how I'm going to think from now on?"

 

I'm so thankful to have the massive improvements, and very weary from the waves that bring such negativity! I have always been such a positive person, this is definitely taking its toll and sometimes it's not even like I feel negative about anything specific, it's just a general thing. Distraction really works well, but its difficult to keep yourself distracted all the time!

 

So sad to feel like I'm just "floating" through my life, not actively "swimming" to participate. I do things, working, weekends fishing with my husband, playing with my granddaughter, but it feels so fake! I hear "fake it till you make it" and that's what I'm doing, but when do I not have to "fake it" anymore and it will be "real?"

 

So I'm going into my 8th month since I jumped, it's been a year since my taper began, and I'll continue to "pretend" I'm feeling positive until my next window comes and I don't feel this massive negativity! It feels so bad!

 

Be well all, have a wonderful Monday, and quick relief to all!

 

[[No...]]

Well, its Monday ... and our windy, drippy weekend has passed and the sun is shining on a Fall day ...

 

I could say "wonderful" ... and I don't feel wonderful ... more like "acute warmed-over" ... I go to sleep tired and worn out ... sometimes the vibrations show up, sometimes not ... wake up after a couple of hours and the centre-mass and head stuff are really active ... nod off and wake up again and things have intensified ... perhaps another nod off and wake up really intense ... and settle in for another up and down day ...

 

And this often feels similar to what I experienced doing active tai chi a couple of years ago ... lots of "flow", anxiety, and vibrations ... trying to clear out "blockages" .... I just don't know ....

 

Hmmmm ... oh well ... it is what it is ....

 

Hope you all have a good Monday ...

 

 

[[Sk...]]

Here is a " Is it me or is it wd ?" question for you !

 

I look around and see wonderful fall colours everywhere. Fall used to put me in a state of deep sadness, I could only see time passing, the shorter days and all.

Now, every leaf stands out and it is all exquisitely beautiful and I don't really care about days being shorter, also because I have bigger fish to fry !

 

So, is it me or is it wd ? 

 

This is going to be one amazing fall !

 

 

[[pe...]]

There are so many posts I want to respond to, but I'm literally two minutes from walking out the door.

 

Coop, I'm proud of you. I'm proud that you 'showed up' for your son and then 'showed up' for yourself. How wonderful that you know when to make a graceful exit. This is still ridiculously hard for me, knowing when to say enough is enough. I'm sorry those pesky symptoms continue to visit you, but you are getting there. You are getting better. You will be getting better today and again tomorrow.

 

Sky, You sound so good! I really enjoyed reading your posts over the weekend. Keep em coming!

 

Nova, I believe in dream visits. I really and truly do. Your post touched my heart because we do 'know' each other and 'see' each other in many glorious ways.

 

Mrs. - It sounds like you had quite the adventure. You are brave, brave brave with a hint of tenacious. You know it's coming, that healing is coming around the mountain. I can hear you saying, "Coming?!? It's already here!"

 

To everyone, keep on going. We don't stop in the middle, we go all the way through.

 

A little confession, my meditation happened at yoga class. I'm trying to find the discipline to do it on my own… perhaps today. And the watercolors didn't happen. I napped with my three year old instead. Oh, well. I've got time. Always time.

 

Peace2

[[No...]]

Peace ... have a good day ... 

[[No...]]

satch ... I got my first complete release around seven months out, lasted for over 8 glorious hours ... never really did the window/wave thingie until recently ... for months I just cycled up and down ... some hours or days better than others ...

 

We are all different ... acute is tough ... I know ... we all know ... it does get better ...

 

That first release showed me I was getting better ...

[[mr...]]

Yay mrs!!!! 

 

It is a complete mind game how we can give ourselves more panic attacks outside the home.  It's a comfort thing of being home and if we have the mindset of not worrying about them they won't control us. I go on vacations and my mindset is I can have the same symptoms in a nice place.  So glad you made a huge leap in healing.

 

Thanks Drew!

 

I really do believe that circumstances that arise and present themselves as "fearful" are only a temptation to run down the pathway of fear. At that very second, I -- the Real Me who is living inside my mind and body -- have the choice to make: I can follow the strong feelings and 5 Senses that carry me down the pathway of fear. Or, I can grab hold of the reigns that harness my mind and body (even though they'd like to think they are not controlled by Real Me), and I can decide to PULL BACK and say NO WAY - ABSOLUTELY NOT, and redirect that horse-and-buggy back on the trail that Real Me actually wants to travel on. That is the visual I see when thinking of these moments! I believe that one of the reasons I was so tired after this weekend was for this reason -- the reigning and redirecting my mind and body over and over again. That 'horse-and-buggy' can really tug & pull sometimes, trying to convince me that it is going to do what it wants! It can be a lot of work at this time -- but it is something I desire to do, so it is worth it to me. And it will continue to get easier and easier until it is EASY! Amen!

 

Oh HH, you described how I'm feeling so well! This has been the first time I've really asked myself, "is this just me, is this just how I'm going to think from now on?"

 

I'm so thankful to have the massive improvements, and very weary from the waves that bring such negativity! I have always been such a positive person, this is definitely taking its toll and sometimes it's not even like I feel negative about anything specific, it's just a general thing. Distraction really works well, but its difficult to keep yourself distracted all the time!

 

So sad to feel like I'm just "floating" through my life, not actively "swimming" to participate. I do things, working, weekends fishing with my husband, playing with my granddaughter, but it feels so fake! I hear "fake it till you make it" and that's what I'm doing, but when do I not have to "fake it" anymore and it will be "real?"

 

So I'm going into my 8th month since I jumped, it's been a year since my taper began, and I'll continue to "pretend" I'm feeling positive until my next window comes and I don't feel this massive negativity! It feels so bad!

 

Be well all, have a wonderful Monday, and quick relief to all!

 

 

GMIT,

 

I can relate to the bolded -- I'd like to think I have always been a positive person as well. To redirect and retrain our thoughts, as well as assess and decide to ignore or react to each emotion and feeling we experience, is a lot of work! I long for, and often probably romanticize, that "mental ease" daily living that I see Mr and so many others around me partaking in. You know, where you just GO and DO -- what you want, how you want, without fear, or doubt, or guilt, or or or. Of course, there is some thought that goes into the things we used to do -- but the amount of mental energy back then compared to recent months seems very different! I can detect improvements that steer towards this 'mental ease' I desire so much, I really can. It feels like it is happening so slowly, if course! But I am certainly grateful for the direction I'm heading.

 

"Reentry". Put so well, and I feel that I can relate very much. Well enough to not be at home in "protective" mode. But still not quite yet at "full capacity" as my other peers around me are, that I see when I am out and about. God is so good (IMO), and we are on our way gang. Just think where we'll be six months from now? Amazing how much LIFE we'll be living at that time Healinghope will be 100% healed at that time, with perhaps the odd teensy symptom (yes, that's singular!) that surfaces every other month or so, for about 1-2 minutes and then it is gone as quickly as it came Coop will be back volunteering at her grandson's school, and pulling the group along just like Healinghope is doing for us now Same with MommyR, Nova, Peace, Life, Gart, and all the others in the 9-12 month range right now! All of the others in the 4/5-9 month range right now will be "reentering" life!!! And helping all of the new 6-month-ers to know that they are not that far away from reentry either

 

Thanks so much again for having me here, gang. I know that, with me still technically 'tapering', I really should not have been able to join you here. But you welcomed me anyways. I felt so lost at that time, as my symptoms no longer related to those tapering. With such a slow taper at such a low dose, my symptoms became more like those who 'jumped' back in February/March of this year. So, all this rambling is to say: THANK YOU, so much, for taking me in here! I am grateful to have this group in my life

 

Well, this is enough for now Time to unpack, do laundry, clean, etc! Lots of stuff to take care of after a weekend of travel Enjoy your day, gang I'll be by later on, I'm sure.

 

Mrs.

[[wh...]]

Hi guys

Me too today.  Body anxiety through the roof and waking in the night afraid ...again.  Still better than before.  I was silly and had a beer at the football game so that probably did not help. My body is so sensitive to everything right now and I have to make sure I listen to it.  Just wanted to have fun with everyone....should have known better.

The fear is so overwhelming when it comes hey?  Is it the same for  you DRew and Sas.....we are around the same time frame on the benzo roller coaster. 

I am trying to get the word out to therapists that I deal with through my line of work but some of them just wont see it.

Frustrating.  I can hardly wait until it is recognized by all professionals for what it is.

After a pretty good weekend I will just be making it today; but I am greatful that things are a bit better.

 

[[dr...]]

woot-I get the a nasty adrenaline rush/fear out of nowhere several times a day.  I cycle though it.  Takes about 40 minutes for my "rush" to pass.  then I feel wonky until I get with extreme exhuastion for about 20 minutes.  Feels like I can't even move.  It sucks...Rinse and repeat...

 

Mrs-It is so tiring to me mentally and physically pushing through every day with the symptoms.  I have to commuste 1 1/2 hours every day, work full time, and then do things some social things each week.  I am already and always have been in Re-entry mode even though I wish I didn't have to be.   

[[wh...]]

Thanks Drew

how do you work?  I was through a interdose withdrawal but have not been working for a year now.  I just can't handle it; I'm a student advisor at a very busy college and I would just end up crying in the bathroom stall throughout the day.....ugh.

I just can't stop the horrible anxiety sometimes; I just want it to stop.  every pain or weird body sensation is over analyzed and I'm sure I'm dying....

Ugh.  I've heard so many buddies talk about this and for me its been worst. Any reassurance that this will stop from everyone would help.  I know I seem to need this constantly when its bad. I want to live and be normal and happy ....... so hard when it's bad.

 

Hey Coop and others with tinnitus.  My sweetie suffers from it as well; not do to benzos; but we got a treatment kit from Biogetica and so far it has helped.  You might want to look into it.

 

I'm just gonna get through this day guys.  So scared; sad etc. :'(.  Hope you are all well.

[[mr...]]

woot-I get the a nasty adrenaline rush/fear out of nowhere several times a day.  I cycle though it.  Takes about 40 minutes for my "rush" to pass.  then I feel wonky until I get with extreme exhuastion for about 20 minutes.  Feels like I can't even move.  It sucks...Rinse and repeat...

 

Mrs-It is so tiring to me mentally and physically pushing through every day with the symptoms.  I have to commuste 1 1/2 hours every day, work full time, and then do things some social things each week.  I am already and always have been in Re-entry mode even though I wish I didn't have to be.

 

Drew,

 

I think you/we think that right now, but I also believe that, in retrospect, we will be so very grateful we did it anyways. It has been very painful at times to keep going, keep working, keep socializing, keep on...keeping on; but I'm also very grateful for doing so, and I've been amazed at the ability rise up in me all this time -- the 100s of times that I've felt like "I can't" or had the voices & 5 senses screaming "You can't!"...all the while I'm DOING IT. I see this 'supernatural ability' and strength as the power & strength of God, personally -- and He gets all the credit for it, personally. I know others see it differently for themselves, and that is a-okay too I just believe, for me, very little (if any) of the victories I've had along this way could've in no way happened on my strength, thoughts, and ability. Heck, my 'natural man' (or "fleshly" self) "waved the white flag" at my inner man probably sometime back in May/June of this year, haha! And I honestly have absolutely no idea how I made it through August -- there is no logical explanation for it, outside of some supernatural and godly ability. Anyways, lol My point is, we are getting there! And maybe 'reentry' is kept off of a "pedestal" so to speak a little moreso when we carry on with as 'normal' a life as possible during withdrawal. Of course, that is different for everyone, so no worries about whatever level of functionality works well for you Everyone's gotta do what they feel is best for them!

 

Anyhows, gang I'm just unpacking & laundering and putting stuff away now! And resting also This weekend was great Hoping for windows and victories for you all today!! Take care for now,

 

Mrs.

[[No...]]

Whoot ... this stuff does go away ... I just can't forecast when for you ... its a messy, hard slog ... and you are getting there ... a little more time and patience ...

 

You are doing well ... even tho' you may want to bonk me for repeating it ... 

[[dr...]]

Thanks Drew

how do you work?  I was through a interdose withdrawal but have not been working for a year now.  I just can't handle it; I'm a student advisor at a very busy college and I would just end up crying in the bathroom stall throughout the day.....ugh.

I just can't stop the horrible anxiety sometimes; I just want it to stop.  every pain or weird body sensation is over analyzed and I'm sure I'm dying....

Ugh.  I've heard so many buddies talk about this and for me its been worst. Any reassurance that this will stop from everyone would help.  I know I seem to need this constantly when its bad. I want to live and be normal and happy ....... so hard when it's bad.

 

Hey Coop and others with tinnitus.  My sweetie suffers from it as well; not do to benzos; but we got a treatment kit from Biogetica and so far it has helped.  You might want to look into it.

 

I'm just gonna get through this day guys.  So scared; sad etc. :'(.  Hope you are all well.

 

Whoot-I have to work because I have no one to help me through this in real life.  I now live with my GF but that was only as of two months ago.  I am fortunate that I am established in a sales career and can mostly come and go as I please.  Taht is not to say there hasn't been difficulties.  I went to counseling with my business partner because he felt I wasn't holding up my end and my behavior was erratic.  It is obvious in hindsight and I am doing much better now.  I get raised anxiety and adrenaline rushes(I refuse to call them panic attacks and give them power over me) almost every day at work.  Once in a while the day is unbearable and I will cut it short.  I jsut figure it makes no sense I should have more symptoms out of the house so I will overcome them. 

It also all comes down to "we will do what we have to do" to survive and then at a later point we look back and say "how the heck did I do that".  Many people deal with things and are in their own personal hell.  How do people survive in captivity? Concentration camps? etc...Are minds and bodies are way stronger than the benzo brain will allow us to believe.     

[[wh...]]

Hi Nova

I love you for repeating it it is getting easier; not on the floor begging.....close....

How are you?

[[wh...]]

Wise words Drew.  You are very strong; we all are. I know the fear is all benzo lies and it doesn't seem to help that I've been through it a thousand times when I'm in it....so silly.  Reassurance gets me through and you guys.

Sorry you are alone in this but you aren't because we are all here with you. 

I am so thankful for these amazing people and the character strength we will all gain from this hell.

Thank you for talking with me today