Extremely high dosage of Xanax for 20 years

[[Th...]]

Hi , 

I don’t know how this works exactly so I will tell my brief history with Xanax with some hope their might be someone close to the dosage I was on. 
 

Im 36 now and married 2years to my wife together longer, with 3 boys age 8,4 and 2.

I am sober from alcohol and all class A illegal drugs(mainly cocaine(powder form) but I took every upper extasy,mdma etc. it’s been 8 and 1/2 years , Christmas 2015 since I touched alcohol or class A drugs after a lifetime since age 12 , court rooms, treatment centres, prison, hospital visits, my first was alcohol overdose at age 13 etc.

I mention this because I have fought huge battles since I was a child but nothing prepared me for what happened because I first took a Xanax at the age of about 15 to sleep after party night. Straight away it became a drug I used daily to help function with everything and back then nobody knew the risks, over the years my tolerance built up and up and up and especially after Christmas 2015 it started to really go up, my doctor was prescribing me small amount but I got to a stage where I was taking 45-50mg of Xanax daily. I used to have to buy from the dark web , 1000-5000 tablets at a time that came in the post and I was married at this stage.

A normal day used be 2mg Xanax bar when I woke and then 8-9 2mg Xanax bars after breakfast and then that evening another 8-9 2mg bars all in one go 16-18mg twice a day in one go and then I would take extra throughout the day and night so roughly about minimum 45mg- 50mg Xanax a day. 
 

in July 2022 I went to a detox centre and I went straight down to 10mg Valium 3 times a day, I went to the treatment centre Tuesday morning and by Thursday evening I was rushed to hospital with seizures and kept in hospital for a week on 160mg Valium lowered to 0 over 7 days. To say it was horrific is an understatement I went through psychosis, multiple seizures, couldn’t walk. 
 

When I left hospital on 5mg a day and I got home i was uncontrollable, I visited my family GP and straight away he was terrified, I had not told him the amount when he signed my papers for the treatment centre and he did say he would not have signed them had he known. 
 

He explained to me I needed to go back on a small amount of Xanax or I could die because dropping from 50mg a day was unheard off. 

So since end July 22 I have been off the massive dose and abuse off 50mg and my doctor prescribes me 1mg 4 times a day and 15mg Valium 4 times a day to keep away seizures.

I have been suffering severely now for 2 years while on my prescription from the doctor, full withdrawal to the stage that I am still so sick opening my eyes to light can be too painful for a whole day or sound, I am a shell off myself and i can’t even do things like the washing up because the movement and noise off plates hitting off each other is like bullets into my brain. But I am happy that i survived and 2 years later i did not go back.
 

My reason for this post is obviously it is very hard to find anyone including doctors and psychiatrists that have heard of someone taking 50mg a day and genuinely don’t know how i survived it.

I thought I’d reach out in here because 2 years later I am still so sick and my doctor is very worried to take me off the 4mg a day because he doesn’t think my body will cope on 0 benzos after taking such a large amount daily over 20 years. 
 

If anyone out there has any advice or any medical personnel it would be great to get some comments. 
 

It’s the same as everyone else in PAWS after long term benzo use which is horrific and the fact I’m stuck on 4mg a day and still not getting anyway better.

I spend my days not leaving the house so I don’t set off my body to and brain to triggers that lead to serious episodes, I am very glad to still be here and I’m around my kids and wife every day but I am no good to them. 
 

Im very lucky my wife and kids stood by me and if anyone can relate please feel free or direct me in the way off a specialist mainly because off the huge dosage daily. 
 

Thanks 
 

[[Re...]]

Hello @[Th...], Welcome to BenzoBuddies,

Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your story! 

I approved your first post to get your account going, but it is getting pretty late where I am, I hope I will be around tomorrow. 

I am certain our Buddies will soon comment and share their insights. 

Take care, 

RR

[[PE...]]

Hi! 

I thought I was alone coming off these crazy doses!

Im like you quit "hard drugs" (though  nothing is as hard as benzos!) Years ago. I tried to balance my dose and make a taper the whole last year. I was on 150mg diazepam most days but took full blisters of all sort of benzos. But got no effect from it. So it was impossible to make a taper, so I ct 7 months ago.

I had every wd symptom there is i think. No real seizure. Just my arms and legs kicking and twitching and hallucinations. I was a mess for 3 months with vomiting every 4 hour and bad anakthasia 14 hours a day.

But I came through! I think you need to come off before you start getting better. At least that was the case for me.

Someone else might chime in with something. But it seems to me from reading lots of people's stories, that it's not really the dose that decide how long and awful the withdrawal will be. I read many just been taking doctor's order small doses that suffer longer and harder. So I don't worry and think your brain is destroyed. I thought that but I was wrong 

[[Ma...]]

Have you looked at Inner Compass, The Benzo Alliance for Best Practices or even Mad in America (especially them).

This is a board of people suffering yet healing, and those have people that can help in a different fashion. 

Congratulations for surviving and keeping up the fight these past 2 years. That is just a huge accomplishment!

[[Ca...]]

It's amazing you survived a cold turkey from such high doses. My taper has been so symptomatic that I sometimes wonder if I should not just cold turkey. My fatigue and agoraphobia are very disabling.

 

 

 

[[Th...]]

2 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hi! 

I thought I was alone coming off these crazy doses!

Im like you quit "hard drugs" (though  nothing is as hard as benzos!) Years ago. I tried to balance my dose and make a taper the whole last year. I was on 150mg diazepam most days but took full blisters of all sort of benzos. But got no effect from it. So it was impossible to make a taper, so I ct 7 months ago.

I had every wd symptom there is i think. No real seizure. Just my arms and legs kicking and twitching and hallucinations. I was a mess for 3 months with vomiting every 4 hour and bad anakthasia 14 hours a day.

But I came through! I think you need to come off before you start getting better. At least that was the case for me.

Someone else might chime in with something. But it seems to me from reading lots of people's stories, that it's not really the dose that decide how long and awful the withdrawal will be. I read many just been taking doctor's order small doses that suffer longer and harder. So I don't worry and think your brain is destroyed. I thought that but I was wrong 

 

2 hours ago, [[P...] said:

Hi! 

I thought I was alone coming off these crazy doses!

Im like you quit "hard drugs" (though  nothing is as hard as benzos!) Years ago. I tried to balance my dose and make a taper the whole last year. I was on 150mg diazepam most days but took full blisters of all sort of benzos. But got no effect from it. So it was impossible to make a taper, so I ct 7 months ago.

I had every wd symptom there is i think. No real seizure. Just my arms and legs kicking and twitching and hallucinations. I was a mess for 3 months with vomiting every 4 hour and bad anakthasia 14 hours a day.

But I came through! I think you need to come off before you start getting better. At least that was the case for me.

Someone else might chime in with something. But it seems to me from reading lots of people's stories, that it's not really the dose that decide how long and awful the withdrawal will be. I read many just been taking doctor's order small doses that suffer longer and harder. So I don't worry and think your brain is destroyed. I thought that but I was wrong 

Hi , thanks for sharing , plenty off people high doses I know personally, I have friends who have years in prison for robbery off a bookmakers and spent 2 years in jail and does not remember any off it. It’s crazy, in the prisons here up and down the country heroin addicts come in and lock themselves in their cell for a month and then they are fine but all the benzo addicts arrive in prison, prison doctor doesn’t help and people are dropping on the landings and rushed to hospital it’s crazy how bad they are in so many ways but the main one is any hard drug can be given up and withdrawal is horrendous but it’s 4-6 weeks max really and benzos can be years , over 10 for a small percentage. And it’s no life in withdrawal I don’t blame people who were maybe on a Xanax 3 times a day by their doctor not going through with it. My doctor has never had a patient come off them fully except me,but then I needed a small dose to stay out of hospital. He said some people taper from 3 to 1 and stay there but most usually after a year ask the doctor to just put them back on whatever was their dosage because withdrawals are so sever

[[Th...]]

1 hour ago, [[C...] said:

It's amazing you survived a cold turkey from such high doses. My taper has been so symptomatic that I sometimes wonder if I should not just cold turkey. My fatigue and agoraphobia are very disabling.

I know the odds weren’t looking great when I got to hospital but thankfully I made it but like everyone my withdrawals are so severe I am delighted if I feel ok to watch a full football match

[[Th...]]

2 hours ago, [[M...] said:

Have you looked at Inner Compass, The Benzo Alliance for Best Practices or even Mad in America (especially them).

This is a board of people suffering yet healing, and those have people that can help in a different fashion. 

Congratulations for surviving and keeping up the fight these past 2 years. That is just a huge accomplishment!

Thanks I will have a look at them now 

[[Th...]]

3 hours ago, [[R...] said:

Hello @[Th...], Welcome to BenzoBuddies,

Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your story! 

I approved your first post to get your account going, but it is getting pretty late where I am, I hope I will be around tomorrow. 

I am certain our Buddies will soon comment and share their insights. 

Take care, 

RR

Thanks for approving it, I tryed to keep my story to an article size because it would be pages long if i mentioned everything but it’s great to get some feedback on especially my high dosage I came off and now my doctor has me about 5% off my original dose I went cold turkey to 0 before he put me on a small dose to stop me ending up in hospital