50 and over club- withdrawal and recovery issues for the aged :-)

[[GH...]]

Hey Verti,

 

30 years ago this year, I spent about 6 months in Desert Hot springs. I worked in Cat City, Palm Springs, and DHS.

[[Re...]]

OK, I belong to this elite group of oldies but goodies, 55 in March.  Where did the time go?  I remember going to Disneyland and taking the Mark Twain ferry across to Treasure Island and we would bury money there and when we would come back months later we would still find it in the same spot. Those were the days.  I lived in Huntington Beach, Ca. only 15 min. away so when I was young we went all the time.

 

Ya, Mr. Toad's wild ride is still in Anaheim, feels like I am on it right now with this damn withdrawal.

 

My husband and I love to go to Mendocino, Ca for some romantic fun now and again, not lately though, not feelin to sexy these days, but hopefully will be going again soon in the future.  It's insanely beautiful there, like Big Sur on steriods.  We have thought of moving there many times.

 

Renny

[[ve...]]

OK, I belong to this elite group of oldies but goodies, 55 in March.  Where did the time go?  I remember going to Disneyland and taking the Mark Twain ferry across to Treasure Island and we would bury money there and when we would come back months later we would still find it in the same spot. Those were the days.  I lived in Huntington Beach, Ca. only 15 min. away so when I was young we went all the time.

Ya, Mr. Toad's wild ride is still in Anaheim, feels like I am on it right now with this damn withdrawal.

My husband and I love to go to Mendocino, Ca for some romantic fun now and again, not lately though, not feelin to sexy these days, but hopefully will be going again soon in the future.  It's insanely beautiful there, like Big Sur on steriods.  We have thought of moving there many times.

Renny

 

Hi Renny.    Sounds like you had some fun times at Disneyland when you were younger.  They also  have the Materhorn at Disneyland which they don't have at Disneyworld in Florida.  I prefer Northern CA to Southern California. Big Sur, Carmel, Mendocino, Napa, San Francisco... better than smoggy LA in my mind.  The foothills near Sacramento and Auburn can be pretty as well as Lake  Tahoe.  Well, not sure where the time went but I do know it's going too quickly!

 

Vertigo

[[Ch...]]

Mendocino, Ca

[move] :smitten: :smitten: :smitten: :smitten:[/move]

[[ve...]]

Hey Verti,30 years ago this year, I spent about 6 months in Desert Hot springs. I worked in Cat City, Palm Springs, and DHS.

 

Hi GS.  Did you spend the summer months? Did the dryness of the desert bother you at all?  Would you consider retiring there?

 

Verti

[Guest [th...]]

You get the drift.... here is my current status:

 

Xanax user for 15+ years - 1mg - 4x/day.  04/10/12 - began crossover taper per Dr. instructions.  Moved to Librium - 25mg - 3x/day.  Librium taper expected to last 2 months.  Geez, sounds too fast ....... already feeling anxiety and unsure crossover dose from Xanax to Librium amount is accurate.  Comments are welcomed and appreciated!

 

Many thanks!

StevieInTexas

 

Hi Stevie,

 

I'm similar to you in that I have been taking Xanax 4mg per day for 29 years. Yesterday, I started my crossover from Xanax to Valium per the Ashton Manual. According to the Ashton Manual (http://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/bzsched.htm ) here are the equivalencies of the 3 benzos:

 

Since 25mg of Librium is approximately equal to 10mg of Valium it would calculate out like this:

 

4mg per day Xanax = 80mg per day Valium = 200mg per day Librium (10mg Valium = 25mg Librium)

 

You started the crossover 12 days ago and you've already been reduced to 75mg per day of Librium? That would be a taper of 125mg of Librium in 12 days which is an approx. 62% drop which is less than half of your daily Xanax dose in less than 2 weeks. I am no expert but I understand from what I've read that that would be seriously brutal to your system and definitely NOT recommended.

 

I know some doctors offer a fast taper plan that include taking anti-seizure meds ... did you and your doctor agree to a fast taper schedule? If not then you would be right: you're going way, way too fast and you and your doctor need to re-visit your tapering schedule ASAP (actually, if it were me, sooner than that even!).

 

How are you doing? Feeling? Would you consider yourself in severe withdrawal right now?

 

Please let us know how you're doing....

 

T

[[Ho...]]

I am 53 right now.  I was almost 50 when I was given prescribed the benzos and then the other guessing game cocktails.

 

I am still struggling horrifically and having a hard time to keep going and I am two years and 3 weeks free.  Hope4us

[[GH...]]

Hey Verti,30 years ago this year, I spent about 6 months in Desert Hot springs. I worked in Cat City, Palm Springs, and DHS.

 

Hi GS.  Did you spend the summer months? Did the dryness of the desert bother you at all?  Would you consider retiring there?

 

Verti

 

Hi Verti,

 

I was there in the winter. I am from NY, and grew up on the water, the ocean. So the dessert was a big change, Interesting for a few months.

 

I would never live there for a long time. Not my thing at all. I live in Florida now. It is too damn hot here, but at least i have the water.

 

Mostly I think  that people like what they are accustomed to. I knew people there that loved the dessert.

 

The dryness was very interesting. I worked construction then, and got quite heated. I could hose myself down, and be dry in a few minutes.  I t was a great time, being 21 and free. Oh the good old days!!!!

 

gh, fw

[[el...]]

Already got the vacuuming and mowing done for the weekend so now it’s time for the good stuff. Filtered about a half gallon of iced coffee concentrate this morning and even tested it - very tasty. So glad I can drink coffee again after over two years.

 

Amazing Eli.  I can only handle decaf coffee once in a while.  Iced Tea is ok for me for some reason and I'm also about two years off.  I cheat on the java once in a while though.

 

After going to see a friend in the hospital, the plan is to work on making a hiking pole. (Something constructive to obsess over for now.) So far it’s just a little less than 7 feet - kind of like the one Charlton Heston carried in The Ten Commandments. I don’t think this one will do the snake thing though. Maybe after I sand, stain, and finish it. Never thought I’d feel human again after the first two years of this mess, so who knows.

 

Hope your friend in the hospital is well

 

Then some rest with a cup of iced tea or glass of iced coffee - probably some nice smooth jazz too. Maybe a nap? Maybe I’ll wake up and feel 58 instead of 98 - aches and pains like my whole body has arthritis...

 

Hope you'll get back down to 58 soon

 

eli

 

Gonna have to hold off on drinking the iced coffee for awhile. Our beautiful 80-degree weather has turned cold for the next week or so. Right now we’re having a Nor’easter (on April 22 - Earth Day). This is almost as bizarre as the blizzard conditions last fall (day before Halloween).

 

My friend is having a go of it in the hospital but his spirits are pretty good.

 

Had a decent nap this afternoon (nearly 2 hours). Still woke up feeling like I’m 98 but I’ll take any sleep I can get. I will rejuvenate at some point.

 

Did more work on the hiking pole. Had a great idea - use the pole as a bo as well. I looked up some martial arts exercises and strikes. Practiced with a dowel rod here in the house. Can’t wait to get outside and try the pole. It will be awesome. Hope the neighbors don’t have me committed (already been there). Cowabunga!   

 

Overall a pretty good weekend. Looking forward to a new day.   

 

eli

 

[[ve...]]

Hey GH.

I hear ya about the heat in FL.  Humidity can be rough along with the tropical storms and hurricanes, but it is nice to have the water, as you said.  I'm landlocked in GA at the moment but would like to move at some point, probably in a Western direction .

Vertigo

[[ve...]]

I am 53 right now.  I was almost 50 when I was given prescribed the benzos and then the other guessing game cocktails.  I am still struggling horrifically and having a hard time to keep going and I am two years and 3 weeks free.  Hope4us

 

Hi Hope4us.  As a fellow 2 year veteren, I feel your pain.  I still have a few lingering symptoms but fortunately, most have gone by the wayside.  It may take a little longer based on the cocktails as you described but even protracted symtoms can often dissipate if not disappear in the third year off. 

 

Vertigo

[[Wh...]]

I am not joining any club that says "for the aged" not even when I'm 80.   

[[pr...]]

Yep, I'm part of this group.  Lost the middle section of my life due to psych drugs, so I'm grieving that a lot.  But glad I found out before I lost the rest of it too.  Gradually getting myself back--it's a weird feeling to remember who I was and find out who I still am and what's changed. 

 

 

[[ga...]]

I was shocked to look in the mirror once I was post benzos. I lost over 20 years. one day, I did not recognize myself. no one around me noticed anything different to look at me but I was freaking out. the next 2 years were torture emotionally and mentally. I lost a lot. but it was myself I missed the most. I had to go back and remember me 20 years earlier. freaky because in 1988, I had up and left a bad situation. changed country, changed friends and moved away from family, so NO ONE noticed that I was not myself while on xanax. 1988, I was DXed with PTSD from that bad situation I escaped and given the "non addictive xanax" . the couple of panic attacks I had from PTSD was nothing compared to benzo WD...nothing. so I am surprized to be in the 50 plus club. lol

[[el...]]

I was shocked to look in the mirror once I was post benzos. I lost over 20 years. one day, I did not recognize myself. no one around me noticed anything different to look at me but I was freaking out. the next 2 years were torture emotionally and mentally. I lost a lot. but it was myself I missed the most. I had to go back and remember me 20 years earlier. freaky because in 1988, I had up and left a bad situation. changed country, changed friends and moved away from family, so NO ONE noticed that I was not myself while on xanax. 1988, I was DXed with PTSD from that bad situation I escaped and given the "non addictive xanax" . the couple of panic attacks I had from PTSD was nothing compared to benzo WD...nothing. so I am surprized to be in the 50 plus club. lol

 

Wow. I have done the “mirror trip” too. Throughout most of my w/d, I would stand there and wonder who I was seeing in the mirror and where I went. Now as I am getting further along on the “good side” of w/d, I am realizing that I haven’t really seen myself in the mirror for something like 40 years - before I started boozing. Of course, the 13 years of Klonopin made things a WHOLE lot worse. I am seeing and remembering someone from my mid-teens. It’s very weird but extremely cool.

 

I feel like I was in the wilderness for 40 years and am now entering the promised land - a land better than anything that I ever knew because now my brain can cope with anything without freaking. It’s a good place.

 

eli

 

[[ve...]]

I feel like I was in the wilderness for 40 years and am now entering the promised land - a land better than anything that I ever knew because now my brain can cope with anything without freaking. It’s a good place. eli

 

Funny you mention the 40 year wilderness metaphor, Eli. I recently posted over the weekend on the "post benzo freedom withdrawal support group" thread that I feel like I've completed about 35 out of a 40 year desert trek through benzoland. In real time, it's been about 3 1/2 years since I took the first benzo til now. I'm not a big math guy but I think that might mean in 3-4 months, my 40 year metaphorical trek through the desert might be over at least I hope! Vertigo

[[Fl...]]

I'm with you on the 40 year wandering through the wilderness.  It is not over yet for me as I just started my taper in Jan. of this year and I have some underlying health issues and need to go "stupid" slow for now.  It could take years to get off this small amount safely for me.  I wish I could just stop or go more quickly but last time I tried that naively it was very bad.  One day at a time right now.  No other choice.

fb

[[Fl...]]

Hey FB,

 

I'm glad you have no end date in mind. In fact, I think there are very valuable lessons to be learned during this taper (and suspect you also feel that way). We learn better when we aren't shaking with anxiety or incapacitated with nausea. 

 

This journey is valuable. We are valuable. In fact, we just might be the group of people who quietly or not so quietly influence the way benzos are prescribed in the future. 

 

You are doing very well and I appreciate your insights. 

Flip

[[De...]]

As others, I am shocked at the mirror check!  Last Friday and Saturday I felt the best I have felt in years and I looked in the mirror and said..Yes Yess!  THERE you are,OMG I missed you!  Then I started another taper Sunday and bam, the ick is back!  BUT, now I know I am in there, and I can't wait to get me back! 

 

It is strange how all those around you look at you and don't see anything different, while we are in there going through these mind and body weirdness things!  You feel soooo disconnected. And then I get a window and wow, what a great feeling!

[[In...]]

Well,

 

I am definitely a member of this group because of the age factor. I'm somewhat lost right now, and I'm far away in my mind from thinking about retirement or where to do it.

 

I had great hopes for getting off X last fall as I was in the middle of a dry cut taper down from 2 mgs. To 1.35 mgs. But I really did not understand that all my "strange" sx had anything to do with that taper. I literally "soldiered on" until around the end of Oct 2011 when I finally connected the dots and realized that it was w/d sx. I reasoned that a benzo with a longer half life would make w/d "easier" and requested such from my doc who readily Rxed me Klonopin.

 

I tried mightily to make that cross, but it was so hard. I just could not do it completely, and on Dec 19th, taking 2 mgs. K and still on .5 mgs X, I had a seizure that just immobilized me for many minutes and scared the holy crap out of me. But because I was so determined to cross to K, I just decided to wait it out for awhile before dropping any more X. By the end of Jan 2012, I was in a world of hurt mentally and physically and switched back to X completely over a 2 week period from 1/31/12to 2/13/12.

 

Now I'm still having many moments of K w/d even though I'm fully "dosed" back on X. The pharmacist (very smart and compassionate young woman) says it is the "second pass effect" of benzos (14 weeks total on K) still "clearing my system." But it's real hard. I guess I'm not a "member" of any bunch here on BB now as I can't even begin to go back to tapering X until this K has fully left me. Damn all those little metabolites that are still there causing me so much trouble. But I'm in this group for sure as per age.

 

Intend

[[Fl...]]

Flip. you are so kind to say that.  What you say is true.  When I was young I used to rush my life away I think.  I would say and think I can't wait until this semester is over; I can't wait until this baby is born; I can't wait until the baby can talk; walk you get the idea.  There were scattered in amongst this peaceful; contented times where time stood still.  And even as I would have those thoughts an awareness would come over me and I'd ponder me in the future looking back wistfully.  Much wisdom is hard won for me anyway.  I do not know why I am on the journey I am on and I pray I have the time to use the lessons leaned either in my art or writing or just to help another.  And as you say Flip I would so love to change this benzo mess for future generations.  I appreciate your kind words;

fb

[[Fl...]]

Oh Intend I am so sorry you had such a rough time!  It is so disheartening I know.  You do belong to this group and to BB.  There are many who are not tapering and are holding for whatever reason.  Some even had to be reinstated back to their original dose.  We all are on a journey and it is different for all of us for many reasons.  I wish you wellness and peace Intend.  ,

blessings,

fb

[[In...]]

Thank you, FB.

 

I never really fully appreciated how well I have felt on X (even though it may be heresy to say that), and had no particular reason to even get off of it other than thinking I should be able too handle my anxiety myself after so many years.

 

So off I went on that little adventure, and now I am here, waiting to fully stabilized back on good old X, and literally despising K and how it has affected me. There is another BB, Mairin 33 I think who often mentions how strong K is, and I just always want to say I agree, but we probably don't have the same experience. So I will follow this thread and read.

 

I'm not as cheery as all of you, but maybe I will be at some point. Here's hoping so!

 

Intend

[[...]]

Hu hum.  :oCant believe it , but I belong in this group too.  Shocking for me to admit it but i am 55 years young.   Can I join in.

 

Successfully tapering off Zopiclone then have to tackle fluoxetine  Prozac.  Feeling good though.  This site has made so much difference for me, this and TRAP before it and the good friends I have made on here.  I like the sound of CA where i live its raining even though we are officially in drought conditions and have a hosepipe ban.  I dont want to be a geezer but  I could handle being a golden girl although I would prefer to be a B(londe) B(ombshell)  ha ha :thumbsup:

[[pi...]]

Welcome to all the new members,

 

Whoopsie, come on and join the fun!

 

Flutter, It doesn't matter how long your taper will last, the most important thing is that you are doing it. Theres no prize for the first one finished.

 

Intend, you are welcome here and on the forum always.  Remember this is a tough war and sometimes the battles need to be re-fought.

 

fly, If you can be a blond bombshell can I be tall?? Please??

 

To everyone else, theres a trip to Disney World on the Benzo Bus with the Benzo Band coming up. :thumbsup:

 

PG