An experience like no other

[[...]]

hii pj ,stopped to say hi

[[...]]

Hi there, hoda.  Are you able to get out and enjoy the beautiful fall weather in Ohio?  I imagine the leaves are starting to change colors.  I hope you are doing better, and your anxiety is not as bad as it was.  Try to live your life one day at a time...don't think too much about the past, and try not to worry too much about the future.  Just enjoy the moment, and be as  kind to yourself as you are to others. 

 

pj

[[...]]

THX PJ, IAM doing good this couple days feel 98% normal today i went fishing yesteryear and ihad some fun alwayes when iget busy iget batter lol idont get it

[[...]]

THX PJ, IAM doing good this couple days feel 98% normal today i went fishing yesteryear and ihad some fun alwayes when iget busy iget batter lol idont get it

 

Hi hoda,

 

Did you catch anything?  What kind of fish were they?  I went fishing once and caught nothing but a cold!  But a bad day of fishing is better than a good day at work      

 

I'm glad that you are feeling almost 100%.  I think when we are busy doing something, especially something that is enjoyable for us, it takes our mind off of what is bothering us so we tend to feel a lot better about life in general.  It has been interesting following your progress. 

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

hii pj , yup ihad cat fish lol thats all what igot , ithink iwill take 2 weeks of work and go to egypt have some fun try to get life back

[[...]]

hii pj , yup ihad cat fish lol thats all what igot , ithink iwill take 2 weeks of work and go to egypt have some fun try to get life back

 

Hoda,

 

If you ever get down South to Mississippi, you will find that Catfish is a real southern treat.  It is served with hush puppies...deep-fried little cornmeal breads.

 

If you do take a trip to Egypt, when you get back, please let me know how it went for you. 

 

The best to you

 

pj

[[...]]

I became a member of BenzoBuddies in February of 2011.  Like a person hiding behind a curtain, afraid to show themself , I lurked around the various boards for quite a spell before I deemed it safe to make my presence known.  Suffering from cog fog, and Benzo induced paranoa as I did when I initialy joined the membership here, I found it extremely difficult to navigate this site, and to communicate with anyone ... I would post something ... I would get responses ... but was too reticent, and too confused to respond back ... so different from what I was like before the devil's demonic, and ,oh so harmless looking little pills ... Ativan and Ambien entered my life.  If you are new here, don't worry, before too long you will be navigating this site like a seasoned seafarer.

 

Some folks may be wondering, if you are healed, why do you still hang around here?  The answer is simple.  My way of thinking is that, if a person has benefited from BenzoBuddies, once they have recovered, they should come back and help out whenever they can, to insure that others also benefit from this unique site.  You gotta' love Colin, and the moderators.  They are such very special, unselfish people, who give of themselves day after day, ensuring that BenzoBuddies is free from intruders with nefarious intentions.     

 

I have great respect, and humility for folks, who through no fault of their own, find themselves in the confusing, cruel, harsh, and painfully strange new world of Benzodiazepine withdrawal and yet, have the gumption and the will power to persevere no matter how badly they are hurting.  I want to keep reassuring them that we do survive this madness, and that we can have an inner-peace, and a genuine happiness in our lives, like we may have never had before, because I truly believe that our adverse experience with benzos does make us a stronger, a more forgiving, and a more loving person.

 

 

[[mi...]]

Very well written PJ.  It is posts like your last one that help us who are still struggling take a deeper breath and relax a little.  Did you ever feel this fragility that you couldn't shake.  If so, do you recall when it ended.  I think it is the organic fear but it is a feeling that I have had since acute wds.  It has gotten better but this feeling is very hard to explain.  It isn't panic or anxiety just a feeling that your whole body just isn't strong. Like something isn't right. It almost feels like the pressure of being deep under water.  Anyway, as I question my symptoms psychological, joint pains, obsessive thoughts, irrational fear, it is this feeling that somehow tells me that I am still healing.  If I didn't have this feeling, I might start really questioning whether I was still in wds.  Thoughts and thank you.

 

M

[[Tr...]]

Sounds like a living nightmare! Glad to see you're better now! 

[[...]]

Very well written PJ.  It is posts like your last one that help us who are still struggling take a deeper breath and relax a little.  Did you ever feel this fragility that you couldn't shake.  If so, do you recall when it ended.  I think it is the organic fear but it is a feeling that I have had since acute wds.  It has gotten better but this feeling is very hard to explain.  It isn't panic or anxiety just a feeling that your whole body just isn't strong. Like something isn't right. It almost feels like the pressure of being deep under water.  Anyway, as I question my symptoms psychological, joint pains, obsessive thoughts, irrational fear, it is this feeling that somehow tells me that I am still healing.  If I didn't have this feeling, I might start really questioning whether I was still in wds.  Thoughts and thank you.

 

M

 

 

I think I understand what you are saying.  You must remember that withdrawals from benzodiazepines have such a profound physical, and psychological affect on our bodies.  It is no wonder that we feel like we are held together by chicken wire, used baler twine, and paper clips, and feel as if we could fall apart at any moment.  The obsessive thoughts, the irrational fear, and the joint pain  that you mention, in my opinion, are all evidence that you are still healing, because when we are healed, all those symptoms are gone. 

 

Talk about irrational fears; what I experienced absolutely defied logic.  For the first two months after my cold turkey, I wouldn't leave my house, not even to get the mail.  I was literally afraid of everything...including the dark.  I loved riding horses, even rode a Harley until people started texting and driving, and it got too dangerous to be on the road with them ... wasn't afraid of much, and here I was, a grown man, afraid of the dark.  Even as a little kid, I wouldn't dream of sleeping with a nite lite.  I still can't fathom how such a tiny, innocent looking pill can wreak such havoc on us.  My obsessive thoughts were about death and dying.  I really hated that one, because it haunted me day and night for such a long time.  Since I have recovered, those obsessive thoughts have vanished.  The irrational fear of the dark is long gone also.

 

I know that I have said this at nausium...but I will say it again...we do recover...we do get our lives back...this nighmare does turn into a pleasant dream, and one day we wake up and the pain is gone, the fear is gone...we are whole again.

 

The best to you

 

pj

 

 

     

[[ha...]]

Couldn't agree more pj. It just eventually all melts away, doesn't it, in such a good way. I also wonder how one pill, every day, could change my brain so profoundly I don't even like to think about all the chemical changes that happened. Such an unbelievable nightmare to come off of them. Thank you for continuing to support others, while still moving on to enjoy your own life.

[[tu...]]

PJ:  I am so appreciative (like so many here) that healed people like you stay and respond to all of us scared and fragile still finding our way through this experience.  The words from those healed are the closest thing to validation we can get.  Your encouraging words and your story our hope and our diagnosis as the medical community is for the most part not well informed.  It is such a lonely road at times.  The journey to wellness begins with the complete breakdown of your body, mind and soul.  It is the most frightening of experiences.  So hard to believe that a prescribed medicine could mess a person up so completely for such a prolonged period of time.  Hard for friends and family to understand, which is understandable.  This forum and the kind souls that check in to provide support "at naseum" is a lifeline to many of us on a bad day, bad month or bad year.  When no one else gets it, people here do. 

 

I am not 100% healed yet.  Getting there though, bit by bit, week by week.  I hope I can provide comfort in this storm to others when I am well just as you and many others have.  This experience as awful as it is bonds you to others going through it.  It is a special and sad little ragtag group all of us here.  I feel such gratitude and affection for everyone who has both befriended and supported me and those I have helped in my own small way as well.

 

I do believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know the only where out of this dark chapter is through it.  Many lessons have been taught to me and many parts of myself have been outgrown and cast aside as these challenging months (7.5 so far) have gone by.  We just have to strong, hold on and keep working to become who we want to be at the end of this. 

 

 

[[...]]

Sounds like a living nightmare! Glad to see you're better now! 

 

Thank you.

[[...]]

Couldn't agree more pj. It just eventually all melts away, doesn't it, in such a good way. I also wonder how one pill, every day, could change my brain so profoundly I don't even like to think about all the chemical changes that happened. Such an unbelievable nightmare to come off of them. Thank you for continuing to support others, while still moving on to enjoy your own life.

 

 

 

Hi my friend from Canada,

 

You're right. It does all melt away.  The pain, the anger, the not knowing, the indignity of it all ... the memories, too ... all melt away.

[[...]]

PJ:  I am so appreciative (like so many here) that healed people like you stay and respond to all of us scared and fragile still finding our way through this experience.  The words from those healed are the closest thing to validation we can get.  Your encouraging words and your story our hope and our diagnosis as the medical community is for the most part not well informed.  It is such a lonely road at times.  The journey to wellness begins with the complete breakdown of your body, mind and soul.  It is the most frightening of experiences.  So hard to believe that a prescribed medicine could mess a person up so completely for such a prolonged period of time.  Hard for friends and family to understand, which is understandable.  This forum and the kind souls that check in to provide support "at naseum" is a lifeline to many of us on a bad day, bad month or bad year.  When no one else gets it, people here do. 

 

I am not 100% healed yet.  Getting there though, bit by bit, week by week.  I hope I can provide comfort in this storm to others when I am well just as you and many others have.  This experience as awful as it is bonds you to others going through it.  It is a special and sad little ragtag group all of us here.  I feel such gratitude and affection for everyone who has both befriended and supported me and those I have helped in my own small way as well.

 

I do believe in the light at the end of the tunnel.  I know the only where out of this dark chapter is through it.  Many lessons have been taught to me and many parts of myself have been outgrown and cast aside as these challenging months (7.5 so far) have gone by.  We just have to strong, hold on and keep working to become who we want to be at the end of this. 

 

 

 

Hi there, 

 

Thank you for your profound, heartfelt response.  Your pure, from the heart, unvarnished sincerity, really touched me and certainly many others.  The depth of your emotion shows your compassion for your fellow man, and signifies what a decent, loving, feeling person you are.

 

I have aways maintained that the people on this site are some of the kindest, the most understanding, and the most  compassionate folks around.  By your caring, thoughtful words, you have proven that to be true.

[[mi...]]

Thank you PJ, Hanna and Turtlegirl.  I am very appreciative and I wish you all happiness.  It helps and I appreciate the "nauseum."  I am sure others do as well. 

 

I am so astounded that this little pill could still be having such a profound impact.  Granted, I took it to the extreme but I would have liked to have seen more progression by now.  I have improved enough now that I feel like I should be doing more or capable of doing more but my confidence is low while doubt and fear high.  Oh the "what ifs."  I am doing my hardest to turn them into positive "what ifs" instead though.  On the bright side, I have improved.  Maybe for me it is getting harder because the more I heal, the more frustrated I get because I am not yet there.  Thank you for spending the energy to help. 

 

M

[[...]]

 

For those dealing with withdrawals, life is like a bottle of Benzodiazepines ... you never know what you're gonna get.  "Sorry, Forrest Gump's momma, I know you said that life was like a box of chocolates, but many folks withdrawing from benzos, cannot tolerate chocolate."  Benzodiazepines didn't exist in your world ... lucky you ... a  box of  chocolates are much better medicine, than a bottle of benzodiazepines.

 

Hi, everybody.  I just want to tell all of you good folks to hang in there, keep your spirits up, don't let withdrawals drag you down ... and don't ever give up.  If your body feels like it has had a confrontation with a big ole' Mack truck, if those intrusive thoughts have your mind twisting in the wind like a cyclone gone mad ... don't give up ... because it does end ... you will recover ... you will get your life back. 

 

For most of us, dealing with the aftermath of benzodiazepines, is likely to be the most confusing, the most painful, and the most long, drawn out process we have ever encountered.  I think I will walk down the hall, and sample one of those chocolates that are sitting there on the receptionist's desk ... just waiting to be picked up.

 

I wish everyone a good day, and an even better week.

[[re...]]

 

For those dealing with withdrawals, life is like a bottle of Benzodiazepines ... you never know what you're gonna get.  "Sorry, Forrest Gump's momma, I know you said that life was like a box of chocolates, but many folks withdrawing from benzos, cannot tolerate chocolate."  Benzodiazepines didn't exist in your world ... lucky you ... a  box of  chocolates are much better medicine, than a bottle of benzodiazepines.

 

Hi, everybody.  I just want to tell all of you good folks to hang in there, keep your spirits up, don't let withdrawals drag you down ... and don't ever give up.  If your body feels like it has had a confrontation with a big ole' Mack truck, if those intrusive thoughts have your mind twisting in the wind like a cyclone gone mad ... don't give up ... because it does end ... you will recover ... you will get your life back. 

 

For most of us, dealing with the aftermath of benzodiazepines, is likely to be the most confusing, the most painful, and the most long, drawn out process we have ever encountered.  I think I will walk down the hall, and sample one of those chocolates that are sitting there on the receptionist's desk ... just waiting to be picked up.

 

I wish everyone a good day, and an even better week.

 

Hi PJ -

 

Thanks for sticking around to encourage those of us still going through withdrawal.  It is much appreciated.  Currently, I'm about 3/5 of the way through my taper.  DP/DR, intrusive irrational thoughts, existential dark thoughts, dizziness, memory issues are what I'm currently struggling with.  It is encouraging to hear you say that all of this goes away.  It sure doesn't feel that way right now, I must say.  But I will hold on to what you and many others I have encountered on this board say. 

[[...]]

You're welcome,

 

Hi, redeemed ... those darn old intrusive, irrational thoughts are the pits, that's for sure. I guess they just reinforce what we already know ... how powerful, and mind-altering benzos can be.  I totally understand, and I sympathize with your wondering if you will completely heal.  If you could have seen what a pitiful, disgusting piece of human wreckage I looked like walking around my house many months ago, appearing like a character from a horror movie ... my red eyes and twitching eyelids peering out from a face showing the affects of not having slept for thirty nights ... my mind consumed with thoughts of death and dying ... compared to the confident, happy, loving life, relaxed  person that I now am ... having completely recovered from the maddening, mind changing, life altering benzodiazepines ...  you will surely say to yourself:  It's true! ... It does happen! ... It will happen to me! ... It happens to everybody! ... We all inevitably do completely heal.

 

Take good care of yourself. 

[[...]]

hii pj , i stopped to say hii , ihope u doing good

[[...]]

hii pj , i stopped to say hii , ihope u doing good

 

Hi hoda,

 

I'm doing real good.  How are you doing?  Do you still have any withdrawal symptoms? 

 

You take care now.

 

pj

[[...]]

hi pj ,today ifeel normall like me exactly before iwas ok but not really me so iwanna ask u t to feel batter when u did heal before that did u start to feel batter every day coming or just one day u woke up u found ur self normal

[[...]]

Hi hoda,

 

Like most folks, my healing was a very slow, gradual process.  For a long time I didn't have any windows, then a window would open and a symptom would be gone; then I would get a wave and that symptom, or a new one would appear.  This was  repeated many, many times until finally, one by one, the symptoms would leave and not return ... this was when I knew that I was completely recovered ... and yes, one day I woke up without any pain, without any anxiety or any fear, and everything in my life was normal again.  It felt kind of like the calm I would experience when waking from a bad dream, and realizing that the nightmare was over ... a serene, and peaceful feeling washed over me.

 

The best to you,

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

pj , thx my friend the reason iam asking  couz ifeel igot alot windows than before and ifeel the symptomes dosent effect stronger like before so ididnt know iam going to the light or its just window

[[ge...]]

pj , thx my friend the reason iam asking  couz ifeel igot alot windows than before and ifeel the symptomes dosent effect stronger like before so ididnt know iam going to the light or its just window

 

Hi Hoda- I am fairly new on the board, but I wanted to say congratulations! It seems like you are nearing the end. Even if it is just a window you will see light soon!!