An experience like no other

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PJ:

 

What do you know about flu shots or other immunizations while in w/d?  Is it okay to get them?

 

Have an opportunity to volunteer at a hospital, but need to get quite a few immunizations in order to work there.  I think this would be a great first step for me.  Help me build my confidence back up.  Help other people.  I just don't want to cause myself a problem with the shots. 

 

Any thoughts?

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Hi turtlegirl,

 

I had flu shots and a tetanus shot during withdrawals without any negative results, but you should probably consult your doctor, or ask a nurse.  Not knowing your medical history, I would be hesitant to say to you with 100% certainty, that you would not have any adverse reaction to vaccinations.

 

That is great news!  Helping others is such a noble way to build your confidence and self-esteem.  Good luck to you.  Please let me know, if you do volunteer at the hospital, how you are doing.

 

pj 

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Redeemed, thx my friend iam fighting this weird monster had been in my brain 9 months ago ihope its end soon

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the red rash so red tonight in my face and ihave anexity , iam trying to get busy watching tv or do any thing to get away from that

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Hoda -

 

I hear ya, my friend.  I don't have the rash, but I do have the anxiety, dp/dr, and irrational thoughts.  Hang in there.  We'll both get there.  Have a good night.  See you around. 

 

 

Redeemed

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Hoda -

 

I hear ya, my friend.  I don't have the rash, but I do have the anxiety, dp/dr, and irrational thoughts.  Hang in there.  We'll both get there.  Have a good night.  See you around. 

 

 

Redeemed

the red rash so red tonight in my face and ihave anexity , iam trying to get busy watching tv or do any thing to get away from that

 

hoda and Redeemed,

 

You guys hang in there.  I know how discouraging it can be when it seems like your withdrawal symptoms will never end.  But they will, and one day all that you have been through ... will be over.  The anxiety will be gone ... those weird, confusing thoughts will be gone ... and you will be living your lives with a calm, more peaceful sort of feeling surrounding you.

 

I hope you have an enjoyable weekend.

 

pj

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Thanks for your encouragement, PJ.  Everyday I look forward to that day.  Gotta keep truckin'.  I hope you have a great weekend as well, my friend.  Adios for now.

 

 

 

Redeemed

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redeemed2012, pj, thx guys iam in my way to 10 months off , ihave problem with heat always when it  get hot or humid icant breath this part really bother me

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Hoda:  I too get symptoms when it gets too warm (like an overheated room or car).  It is just benzo w/d.  10 months off is great.  You are almost there.  Hang tough!

 

PJ:  Another question for you.  . .  The last week has been a little wild and wooley emotionally for me.  This is weird because I really haven't had any real strong anxiety or depression since last spring.  But, this last week I keep getting a random hour or two or these feelings and then they evaporate and go away.  Nothing is really triggering it.  They just pop up, hang out with me for a miserable hour or so and then go and then return maybe the next day.  Is this normal for recovery or is something else happening.  I hate feeling this way.  I am telling myself it is recovery, but would love to know if others have experienced it.  At this point everything is recovery for me (or so I tell and hope for myself), if it isn't I am forced to wonder what is wrong and that is scary.  Could this mean that recovery (100%) is near?  Hope so.  Ready to feeling like a healthy and emotionally stable person again.

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Hi Hoda -

 

I have had sypmtoms aggravated by hot humid weather as well.  I've had it happen with vigorous exercise as well.  I stay away from the vigorous exercise now.  Thankfully, the weather here has now cooled off.  Hope you feel better, Hoda.

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Hoda:  I too get symptoms when it gets too warm (like an overheated room or car).  It is just benzo w/d.  10 months off is great.  You are almost there.  Hang tough!

 

PJ:  Another question for you.  . .  The last week has been a little wild and wooley emotionally for me.  This is weird because I really haven't had any real strong anxiety or depression since last spring.  But, this last week I keep getting a random hour or two or these feelings and then they evaporate and go away.  Nothing is really triggering it.  They just pop up, hang out with me for a miserable hour or so and then go and then return maybe the next day.  Is this normal for recovery or is something else happening.  I hate feeling this way.  I am telling myself it is recovery, but would love to know if others have experienced it.  At this point everything is recovery for me (or so I tell and hope for myself), if it isn't I am forced to wonder what is wrong and that is scary.  Could this mean that recovery (100%) is near?  Hope so.  Ready to feeling like a healthy and emotionally stable person again.

 

 

Turtlegirl ... what you are experiencing could very well be the last vestige before you are completely recovered.  It's the benzos way of saying to you: "I'm going to get one last lick in before I set you free."  Benzos are like a Puppeteer ... a master of elusion and manipulation.  If your depression was 24/7 for a week or two, then you would have cause for concern. 

 

It sounds like you are getting very close to writing your success story ... I look forward to reading it.  I remember reading one of your very first posts.  You have made such great strides towards your recovery since that long ago posting.

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PJ:

 

Was your tetanus shot a Dtap or just a tetanus?

 

I still have so many questions about doing this series of vaccinations (Dtap, TB skin test, flu shot).

 

I want to be smart about it.  Not scared, but educated.  Not sure what to do.  Have gotten some very scary information from folks here and the internet.  Have also had a nurse I called say it is fine (but I don't really trust medical people these days) and others here say they have gotten either a flu shot or a tetanus shot and that they were find.

 

I just don't want to further injure myself, but I want to take advantage of this opportunity.

 

So confused.

 

Thanks!

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turtlegirl, thx my friend yeasyarday igot the crazy one ikeep waking up feel like iheard comething or somebody yeling or scream but iknow nothing happen its symptom but its crazy ididnt sleep yeastarday

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redeemed2012, iam glad its getting cold thats help me before iwasnt like that but iam surre like u said its one of the symptoms ,icant stay around heaters ,ialwayes open the window

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PJ:

 

Was your tetanus shot a Dtap or just a tetanus?

 

I still have so many questions about doing this series of vaccinations (Dtap, TB skin test, flu shot).

 

I want to be smart about it.  Not scared, but educated.  Not sure what to do.  Have gotten some very scary information from folks here and the internet.  Have also had a nurse I called say it is fine (but I don't really trust medical people these days) and others here say they have gotten either a flu shot or a tetanus shot and that they were find.

 

I just don't want to further injure myself, but I want to take advantage of this opportunity.

 

So confused.

 

Thanks!

 

I had a flu shot, and a Tdap vaccination ( tetanus, diptheria, pertussis)  You really should trust your doctor or if not your doctor, another doctor.  They may not be as well versed about benzodiazepines as they should be, but they do possess a wealth of knowledge regarding many other medications, and medical procedures.  I would imagine, as a child, you received many vaccinations without any adverse reaction. 

 

You must be careful about getting medical advice or opinions from folks on the internet because, most often, you are hearing about worst case scenarios from people who are as different from you, as night and day.

 

That volunteer job at the hospital sounds like a golden opportunity for you.  Perhaps you should discuss your concerns with a Pharmacist ... if you are still worried, then please talk to someone in the medical profession about your concern over vaccinations.  Sometimes if we worry or obsess about things for too long it can prevent us from doing what, in our heart, we really want to do. 

 

If you were to talk to a nurse, a nurse practitioner or a doctor about your concerns ... and they assured you that you would be okay in doing whatever the hospital requires you to do in order for you to work there ... a great weight would be lifted from your shoulders ... and you will be doing something that could possibly be a life-changing experience for you.

 

Go for it turtlegirl ...

 

       

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PJ:

 

Thanks so much.  My gut tells me I should do this.  I am just so easily "spooked" these days and it has been an emotionally up and down week for me (more anxious than usual). 

 

It reassures me that you had the TDAP and the flu shot with no problems.

 

I am both so excited to get out there and be ME again and also terrified!

 

I know on the days when I am busy and out of my house I emotionally feel soooo  much better.  I think this is the right next step for me.

 

I appreciate your kindness and support so much.  I know you understand.  This journey is such an emotional rollercoaster.  It is difficult to make good decisions when you are afraid most of the time and not feeling like yourself.

 

Thanks for encouraging and not scaring me.  I needed that push.

 

Here's to moving beyond all of this to better things.

 

TG

 

 

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Hey PJ,

Thanks again for hanging around and answering all of our questions.  Your support as always is greatly appreciated.  I have a question.  How does one know when they are healed/fully recovered?  I know it sounds stupid but it seems to me that this could be very ambiguous for people recovering where most of the physical symptoms are gone but some psychological symptoms (anxiety, fear) persist that may or may not have to do with the aftermath of benzos and our new "life situation."  Work issues, family issues, prolonged period of trauma, isolation etc.  Any thoughts?  How did you know you were fully recovered? 

 

Thanks much,

M

 

 

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Good morning Miffed,

 

You make a very good point regarding being physically recovered, but still having some, as you so abtly put it ... 'life situation' issues.  Being human, endowed with the capacity to love and to hate, and the ability to reason, brings to us all kinds of hurt, misunderstandings, and inner conflicts.

 

Working at a job that is very stressful, raising kids in the Ipad, Iphone, Itunes era, marital conflicts, and money issues are just a few of the things that require us to balance our priorities in life, and be as flexible and limber as a tighrope walker.  Lets face it; living life can be a knock- down, drag-out fight that produces no winners ... only survivors.  This is why it is so important to try and remain strong, because  our lives can, and do get better.

 

Many so called psychological issues, are in reality, 'life situation' issues.  Given the complexities involved in living in, and contributing to a functioning society, I am amazed at the strength and tenacity that we humans possess.  It's a miracle that we are not all reduced to being mind-numbed robots.

 

You asked how did I know that I was fully recovered.  It was when the pain was gone.  It was when I faced every day with an optimistic attitude.  It was when the little, trivial things in life did not bother me like they once did.  It was when I realized that folks all around us are afraid of something, they have all loved someone or something, and they have all, unfortunately, lost something. 

 

Even with all it's ups and downs, heartaches, headaches, and pain in the neck aches, life, and all that it affords us, is still the greatest experience that we will ever encounter. If we lose hold of a dream, and like a piece of fragile glass, it falls to the floor and shatters in a thousand pieces, we can pick up one of those pieces, and begin a new dream.  I don't mean to sound so syrupy ... is that a word?... but i'm livin' and lovin' life like a squirrel with a bushel basket full of hickory nuts.

 

Take care my friend.

 

pj

 

 

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You're welcome turtlegirl,

 

I hope that things go the way you want them to.  Good luck!

 

pj

 

 

 

[[mi...]]

Thanks PJ.  Dealing with some wd symptoms still but I guess the fact that I am asking how one knows if they are fully recovered definitely means I am making progress.  Appreciate your insight always.

 

M

[[ge...]]

Hi PJ-

Did you experience bladder/pelvic pain during your w/d? I have this now and it is haunting me a bit!! thanks!

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Hi gettingthere,

 

Given the way that benzodiazepines can affect the muscles and nerves throughout our entire body, we can literally have pain, twitching, and burning from the top of our head to the bottom of our feet.  One of the strangest symptoms that I had was a twitching or a quivering sensation in my lower intestinal area.  This really freaked me out, but like all the other weird symptoms, it disappeared.  I did have bladder/pelvic pain for a short time.  Fearing that I could possibly have a uninary track infection, which is rare in men, I went to a doctor, and much to my relief, was told I did not have an infection.  I attributed it to withdrawals.

 

If the pain that you are experiencing gets more intense or doesn't go away, please err on the side of caution, and see a doctor.  Take care ... 

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PJ:

 

Thanks so much.  My gut tells me I should do this.  I am just so easily "spooked" these days and it has been an emotionally up and down week for me (more anxious than usual). 

 

It reassures me that you had the TDAP and the flu shot with no problems.

 

I am both so excited to get out there and be ME again and also terrified!

 

I know on the days when I am busy and out of my house I emotionally feel soooo  much better.  I think this is the right next step for me.

 

I appreciate your kindness and support so much.  I know you understand.  This journey is such an emotional rollercoaster.  It is difficult to make good decisions when you are afraid most of the time and not feeling like yourself.

 

Thanks for encouraging and not scaring me.  I needed that push.

 

Here's to moving beyond all of this to better things.

 

TG

 

 

 

Hi turtlegirl,

 

Yesterday, while I was at the clinic waiting to receive a flu shot, I thought of you, and the issues you were grappling with deciding about possibly doing volunteer work at a hospital.  Whatever you decide to do, I wish you good luck. 

 

Making tough decisions, especially when you are not completely healed, can be a daunting task.  Just listen to that little voice within you ... we all have one ... and do what you ... and only you ... feel is the right thing for you to do at this stage of your recovery. 

 

pj     

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PJ:

 

Well I am moving forward with the volunteer position.  I meet with the administrator this morning and will start officially in two weeks.  I am nervous to even go this morning (more than I should be, but that is just a fragile CNS still operating, right?)  But, I know this is in my overall best interest.  I need to take this small step to truly get better and feel like ME again.  Haven't slept good for about 2 weeks (4-5 hours a night).  Some of it is due to anxiousness over this, but mostly I think I have just hit a bad patch with sleeping again.  Was the sleeping spotty for you for a while as well?  Did you feel nervous when you returned to working?  I realize I am not even really working yet, just returning to the "land of the living" as I call it.  I hate feeling so skittish.  But, I am committed to finding my way through.  I know I will handle what ever symptoms come.  I just feel off kilter and weird.  I hope the feeling disipates.  Would love some reassurance.

 

Thanks,

TG

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Hi turtlegirl,

 

To worry and to wonder, and to be apprehensive when about to start a new job is such a normal, and natural feeling to have.  The night before I returned to work, it felt to me, almost like I was starting a new job; I didn't hardly sleep a wink.  I tossed and turned all night worrying about how my fellow employees would receive me after my absence.  Much to my relief, I was welcomed back with open arms, and my desk cleared of all pending assignments.  Most people can be so thoughtful, and reassuring.  And yes, my sleep pattern was out of kilter for a very long time.  I am now sleeping a good solid seven hours a night, and have been for several months now.

 

I know that you are going to do just great!  Your fellow employees will just love you to pieces, when they discover what a nice, sensitive, caring person that you are.

 

I am so happy for you that you made a decision that was so hard for you to make, but you did it, now there is nothing that can get in the way of you getting your life back.  You have proven how strong you really are. 

 

pj