[...] Posted October 29, 2012 Share Posted October 29, 2012 pj,iagree its crazy they should create jobs batter than spent all this money on bs, iam heading to 10 months off ,iam not feeling great today but iam still waiting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 PJ - Thanks so much for responding and for your kind words. For sure, that's what dp/dr makes me feel like; disconnected in a foreign dream-like world. It's the most bizarre thing, but I'm going to just do my best to cope with it because I definitely know I never experienced this symptom prior to taking Lunesta. And, you, along with Bliss Johns and many others, have said that even this symptom fades in time. How I long for that day. I have always had control issues, ever since I was a young kid. And now, through this withdrawal, I'm finding that I have to try and let go throughout this process or I will just make it even harder for myself. It's so hard to just let go and trust that everything will be ok. I am encouraged because you are the 3rd person who has suggested to me to just try and live life as normally as I can, and try to just not dwell on the symptoms. One of the other people who told me that was my therapist and dear friend. He said that I can take control of my recovery by not trying to control it, kind of like what you just said. Sage advice, indeed. Just hard to put into practice. However, I have nothing but time to try. I hope all is well with you, my friend. Thanks SO much for giving me hope that all will be well someday. Redeemed You're welcome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted October 30, 2012 Author Share Posted October 30, 2012 pj,iagree its crazy they should create jobs batter than spent all this money on bs, iam heading to 10 months off ,iam not feeling great today but iam still waiting Sorry you weren't feeling so good, hoda. Wow! 10 months off already ... It won't be too much longer and you will feel like a new man, bench pressing 300 pounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted October 31, 2012 Author Share Posted October 31, 2012 Hey, Sarafina, Here is the party thread. PJ was in and out with his raps. They were wonderful. Maybe he will do another one? http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=47708.1490 Okay sarafina; here's a rap for you. I hope it doesn't make your withdrawals worse. For all the folks from the party thread ... who made us laugh, and for awhile, helped us forget about withdrawals, I will do my very LAST RAP ... Why are you applauding? Eminem; from one fool to another, you have nothing to fear from this pretend rapper. He got no money not so funny gave it to his honey she cute as a bunny she give him back a dime he don't want no lime It's too sour got no power make him wilt like a hot house flower gonna climb the Eifel tower gonna rap for Sarafina not for Serena cause she say he can't rap cause he got no cap she call him a sap she call him a dip cause he listen to Flip when she say one more rap he say gotta go to the gap gotta get him a a new shirt with da pretty clerk in da blue skirt he wanna flirt She slap his face call him a disgrace say he not belong to the human race His face turn red like a cherry just like it did when he kissed Mary That's it there ain't no more Serena say show him da door She Say he got no class he greener than grass she meaner than a snake can't cook can't bake she take da cake Serena give him a nickel he spend it on a pickle make her mad she call her dad he say she too fickle better get a motor sikle make it a Harley call it farley give it to her brother charley gotta quit while a head this rap is dead and so is my reputation! ... happy halloween everybody Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Oh my heavens! I am laughing so hard there are tears falling down my cheeks and I may have even snorted I read through your raps on the party thread and although they were great this one was awesome! PJ u da man! Thank you Thank you! Laughter is the best medicine! Happy Halloween Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Come rejoin the party thread. You can dress up as a rapper forthe Halloween party! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Fl...] Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: BRAVO, PJ!!! You haven't lost it! Thanks for the laugh and the rhythm in my head! Flip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[ma...] Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 PJ you is still da man http://i1193.photobucket.com/albums/aa351/margarita1959/vil-rappeur5.gif Thank you my friend Margo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Flip, and magrita, I'm not da man ... but you two are definitely da ladies. Thanks for all the fun, and the laughs we shared the past few months. Some people we remember, and think about forever. You two are right up there on my list of unforgetables. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 2, 2012 Author Share Posted November 2, 2012 Oh my heavens! I am laughing so hard there are tears falling down my cheeks and I may have even snorted I read through your raps on the party thread and although they were great this one was awesome! PJ u da man! Thank you Thank you! Laughter is the best medicine! Happy Halloween Hi sarafina, I'm glad my silliness made you laugh. You're right. Laughter really is the best medicine; it doesn't cost anything, has no side-effects, except when our sides may start to ache when we laugh too hard. Studies have shown that laughter can reduce stress, relieve pain, lower blood pressure, and even boost the immune system. I hope you enjoy a happy, 'laughable' weekend. Take care. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 5, 2012 Author Share Posted November 5, 2012 Long after the leaves have all fallen from the trees, and they stand there, looking so forlorn and cold in their nakedness. When the days are getting longer, and an unexplainable, lonely, melancholy feeling begins to descend upon us. When the campaign ads have all been replaced by Christmas ads. When you go into a Walmart store to purchase batteries for your smoke alarms, and standing there before you, like soldiers at attention, are row upon row of brightly lit Christmas trees ... it must portend that the holidays are almost here. During Thanksgiving and Christmas, more than any other time of the year, people can more easily become annoyed or hurt by meddling relatives, or lose patience with the ones they love. If you and certain family members bicker all year long, you can be sure there will be tensions at family gatherings. As much as we would like them to, things do not always go as we had planned. The family will bicker, the gifts may disappoint you, the dog or the cat will knock the tree down, and the turkey will be drier than shoe leather. It's inevitable that some troubles will arise during the holiday season. When you accept the imperfections, you will hopefully reduce holiday anxiety, because you'll have realistic goals and expectations. During the holidays, the greatest challenge facing some folks involve family, and unresolved childhood issues. Having to interact with parents and siblings who may have failed to recognize or acknowledge our accomplishments, competed with us for attention or made us grow up much too fast, can resurrect long-forgotten feelings we thought had been put behind us. Add withdrawals into the mix, and Christmas can be anything but merry. Christmas has a way of grabbing from us, all those memories from when we were kids, and hanging them, like breakable ornaments, on the Christmas tree ... a constant reminder to us, of how fleeting childhood is, and how quickly things in our lives can change. Being in withdrawals, when emotions are already all over the place; dealing with relatives, parents, siblings, and remembrances of childhood, can indeed be overwhelming. To survive the stress of the holidays when you're already feeling so miserable because of withdrawals ... take the time to acknowledge what you are feeling. If you are overwhelmed by memories of someone close to you who has died or you can not be with loved ones, realize that it is normal to feel sadness, and grief. It is okay to cry or express your feelings. Just because its the holiday season you don't have to force yourself to be happy. Of course, for many reasons, Christmas is the best time of the year for lots of folks. Don't be too critical of yourself. If someome can not accept you for who you are ... they can lump it, go fly a kite or take a long walk off a short pier. You are who you are; why would you want to be somebody else? Take time for yourself. If you can, take a walk around your neighborhood to see the Christmas lights, or watch your favorite Christmas movie in the comfort of your home ... If you live where there is snow, force yourself to venture outdoors and make a snowman or take your kids sledding ... throw your inhibitions to the wind, and be a kid again. If you can tolerate the bright lights, the noisy crowds, and the long lines, visit your local mall. Observing the reactions of the little kids, who for the first time, are being introduced to Santa, is priceless and bound to elicit a smile or two. Spending a couple of hours helping out at a shelter on Christmas Eve; serving food, and handing out toys to the kids who have known only hardship, and heartache all their young life ... can light up your life, just as it does theirs. To see the sparkle in their eyes, and the priceless smile on their innocent little faces, is a sight not soon forgotten, and, for a little while anyway, all your troubles will be disappear. If, because of withdrawals, you don't have the motivation or are in too much pain to do anything strenuous ... listen to soothing music. Do something you enjoy that reduces stress and clears your mind, slows your breathing, and gives to you, an inner calm, and peaceful feeling. By this time next year, I hope you all are healed and living your life to the fullest. Happy Holidays to the nicest, the kindest, and the most decent and loving folks on the planet! pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[re...] Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Long after the leaves have all fallen from the trees, and they stand there, looking so forlorn and cold in their nakedness. When the days are getting longer, and an unexplainable, lonely, melancholy feeling begins to descend upon us. When the campaign ads have all been replaced by Christmas ads. When you go into a Walmart store to purchase batteries for your smoke alarms, and standing there before you, like soldiers at attention, are row upon row of brightly lit Christmas trees ... it must portend that the holidays are almost here. During Thanksgiving and Christmas, more than any other time of the year, people can more easily become annoyed or hurt by meddling relatives, or lose patience with the ones they love. If you and certain family members bicker all year long, you can be sure there will be tensions at family gatherings. As much as we would like them to, things do not always go as we had planned. The family will bicker, the gifts may disappoint you, the dog or the cat will knock the tree down, and the turkey will be drier than shoe leather. It's inevitable that some troubles will arise during the holiday season. When you accept the imperfections, you will hopefully reduce holiday anxiety, because you'll have realistic goals and expectations. During the holidays, the greatest challenge facing some folks involve family, and unresolved childhood issues. Having to interact with parents and siblings who may have failed to recognize or acknowledge our accomplishments, competed with us for attention or made us grow up much too fast, can resurrect long-forgotten feelings we thought had been put behind us. Add withdrawals into the mix, and Christmas can be anything but merry. Christmas has a way of grabbing from us, all those memories from when we were kids, and hanging them, like breakable ornaments, on the Christmas tree ... a constant reminder to us, of how fleeting childhood is, and how quickly things in our lives can change. Being in withdrawals, when emotions are already all over the place; dealing with relatives, parents, siblings, and remembrances of childhood, can indeed be overwhelming. To survive the stress of the holidays when you're already feeling so miserable because of withdrawals ... take the time to acknowledge what you are feeling. If you are overwhelmed by memories of someone close to you who has died or you can not be with loved ones, realize that it is normal to feel sadness, and grief. It is okay to cry or express your feelings. Just because its the holiday season you don't have to force yourself to be happy. Of course, for many reasons, Christmas is the best time of the year for lots of folks. Don't be too critical of yourself. If someome can not accept you for who you are ... they can lump it, go fly a kite or take a long walk off a short pier. You are who you are; why would you want to be somebody else? Take time for yourself. If you can, take a walk around your neighborhood to see the Christmas lights, or watch your favorite Christmas movie in the comfort of your home ... If you live where there is snow, force yourself to venture outdoors and make a snowman or take your kids sledding ... throw your inhibitions to the wind, and be a kid again. If you can tolerate the bright lights, the noisy crowds, and the long lines, visit your local mall. Observing the reactions of the little kids, who for the first time, are being introduced to Santa, is priceless and bound to elicit a smile or two. Spending a couple of hours helping out at a shelter on Christmas Eve; serving food, and handing out toys to the kids who have known only hardship, and heartache all their young life ... can light up your life, just as it does theirs. To see the sparkle in their eyes, and the priceless smile on their innocent little faces, is a sight not soon forgotten, and, for a little while anyway, all your troubles will be disappear. If, because of withdrawals, you don't have the motivation or are in too much pain to do anything strenuous ... listen to soothing music. Do something you enjoy that reduces stress and clears your mind, slows your breathing, and gives to you, an inner calm, and peaceful feeling. By this time next year, I hope you all are healed and living your life to the fullest. Happy Holidays to the nicest, the kindest, and the most decent and loving folks on the planet! pj PJ - Good stuff, my friend. I have to admit that I'm a little apprehensive about how the holidays are going to go. It has been hard for me to be around family. Not entirely sure why. I get anxious about it, and almost like a sense of shame. Also, the dp/dr can make everything seem strange, and so I think it's almost a fear of feeling out of place around those closest to me. Not sure. But, I guess I just have to soldier on, march forward. By the way, I have terrible forum etiquette, I'm finding out. I never even introduced myself on your thread here, and kind of just started bombarding you with reassurance-seeking questions. My fault. Hope you don't mind if I pop in here now and then. Thanks again for reaching out to those of us in need of help, hope, reassurance. Have a good day, PJ. Redeemed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[sa...] Posted November 5, 2012 Share Posted November 5, 2012 Beautiful post pj I am very apprehensive about certain family members I must encounter over the holidays. I can not control their actions. I can only control my reactions. And during withdrawal controlling my feelings is almost impossible. Words are no longer hurtful but seem to hurt to the core. I love what you said about being yourself. I have been working on accepting and loving myself for who I am and who I aspire to be and not others expectations or judgements based on who they perceive or expect me to be. We will always fall short in the eyes of certain people. But that is ok. This withdrawal has really taught me to love others for their good qualities. We are all imperfect humans who need to accept and embrace eachother. Life would certainly be boring if we all had no faults. Happy Holidays my friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 PJ - Good stuff, my friend. I have to admit that I'm a little apprehensive about how the holidays are going to go. It has been hard for me to be around family. Not entirely sure why. I get anxious about it, and almost like a sense of shame. Also, the dp/dr can make everything seem strange, and so I think it's almost a fear of feeling out of place around those closest to me. Not sure. But, I guess I just have to soldier on, march forward. By the way, I have terrible forum etiquette, I'm finding out. I never even introduced myself on your thread here, and kind of just started bombarding you with reassurance-seeking questions. My fault. Hope you don't mind if I pop in here now and then. Thanks again for reaching out to those of us in need of help, hope, reassurance. Have a good day, PJ. Redeemed No invitation needed, Redeemed. You can pop in unannounced whenever you feel like it; the door is always open. If you can glean anything from my sometimes long- winded 'speeches' that are helpful to you, I appreciate it. I'm sure that you will get through the holidays just fine. It's okay if you feel anxious, and somewhat 'out of place' around your family, because in withdrawals, when all your senses are working overtime, and the dp/dr prevents you from being the real you, it's hard when interacting with folks to process what they may be trying to convey to you. No reason to feel any sense of shame. You sound like a kind, sensitive guy who has his act together, so just be yourself, and enjoy the upcoming holidays. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 6, 2012 Author Share Posted November 6, 2012 Beautiful post pj I am very apprehensive about certain family members I must encounter over the holidays. I can not control their actions. I can only control my reactions. And during withdrawal controlling my feelings is almost impossible. Words are no longer hurtful but seem to hurt to the core. I love what you said about being yourself. I have been working on accepting and loving myself for who I am and who I aspire to be and not others expectations or judgements based on who they perceive or expect me to be. We will always fall short in the eyes of certain people. But that is ok. This withdrawal has really taught me to love others for their good qualities. We are all imperfect humans who need to accept and embrace eachother. Life would certainly be boring if we all had no faults. Happy Holidays my friend! Thanks sarafina, Your wise words ring so true, my friend. Your positive attitude is wonderful! You are absolutely correct; controlling our feelings when in withdrawals is indeed, almost impossible. Because of our heightened sensitivities to just about everything we see or hear; the actions, and words of others, especially from those we love, can hurt us deep down, to the core of our very being. Hurtful words, it seems, are always more powerful, and longer lasting, than kind ones. You're right ... how boring life would be if we had no faults or if we all, heaven help us, viewed the world with the same pair of eyes. What I am is how I came out. No one's perfect and you just have to accept your flaws and learn to love yourself ... Kelly Brook. Take good care of yourself. Love yourself. You know ... unlike anyone else does ... who you are, and what's in your heart. Happy Holidays to you too, sarafina ... pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[mi...] Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 Nice post PJ. I thought I was one of those people that didn't have windows but I think I am experiencing them now. Though moderate, I think that is what they are. I felt a little better yesterday and felt like if this was the new foundation to build on, it wouldn't be that bad. Then boom today, I feel like I did a few months back. Oh it makes it hard. Thank you for continuing to post positive messages and experiences. Take care. M Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 6, 2012 Share Posted November 6, 2012 hii pj, 10 months off nowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[re...] Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 PJ - Good stuff, my friend. I have to admit that I'm a little apprehensive about how the holidays are going to go. It has been hard for me to be around family. Not entirely sure why. I get anxious about it, and almost like a sense of shame. Also, the dp/dr can make everything seem strange, and so I think it's almost a fear of feeling out of place around those closest to me. Not sure. But, I guess I just have to soldier on, march forward. By the way, I have terrible forum etiquette, I'm finding out. I never even introduced myself on your thread here, and kind of just started bombarding you with reassurance-seeking questions. My fault. Hope you don't mind if I pop in here now and then. Thanks again for reaching out to those of us in need of help, hope, reassurance. Have a good day, PJ. Redeemed No invitation needed, Redeemed. You can pop in unannounced whenever you feel like it; the door is always open. If you can glean anything from my sometimes long- winded 'speeches' that are helpful to you, I appreciate it. I'm sure that you will get through the holidays just fine. It's okay if you feel anxious, and somewhat 'out of place' around your family, because in withdrawals, when all your senses are working overtime, and the dp/dr prevents you from being the real you, it's hard when interacting with folks to process what they may be trying to convey to you. No reason to feel any sense of shame. You sound like a kind, sensitive guy who has his act together, so just be yourself, and enjoy the upcoming holidays. pj PJ - Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. It's nice to hear from someone who actually understands, and has been there. It can be a challenge to find face-to-face support for this kind of thing, so your support is appreciated. I actually thought I had come upon a Benzo support group, but apparently it was cancelled due to not enough people signing up for it. I'm thinkin' "Man, I know MANY people that would have been all over a face-to-face benzo support group" That's ok. Maybe something else will pop up. If I don't "chat" with you before then, have a great thanksgiving! Adios, for now. Redeemed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[Su...] Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 Pj, I just wanted you to know that I think you are incredibly nice...for taking the time to encourage others who are still going through withdrawal. You always come across so genuine and positive about situations in life that trouble all of us. It warms my heart to come here and read.....laugh....cry....and feel all human. Sunny girl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Nice post PJ. I thought I was one of those people that didn't have windows but I think I am experiencing them now. Though moderate, I think that is what they are. I felt a little better yesterday and felt like if this was the new foundation to build on, it wouldn't be that bad. Then boom today, I feel like I did a few months back. Oh it makes it hard. Thank you for continuing to post positive messages and experiences. Take care. M That's good news, M. Having windows is a definite sign that you are healing. Eventually they will become more frequent, and longer in duration. When that inevitable wave hits, don't get too discouraged, another window will follow. When you feel pretty decent one day, and then the next day or two, it seems like you are back to square one again; ya it's a real downer. Regardless of whether you are in a window or a wave, you are still healing. I remember when I would wake up some mornings and my neck and shoulder pain would be completely gone. I would get excited, thinking the pain was gone for good, only to have it return, worse than ever. Accepting the fact that I had no control over the healing process, and that there weren't many visible signs that healing was happening, was maddening. If we have a cut, and can see a scab forming over the injured area, we have constant, reassuring proof that we are healing. Not so with benzos. I guess they like to keep us guessing. It was good to hear from you again. Take care, and enjoy the holidays. You never know, by New Year's Eve you could be completely healed. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[tu...] Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 PJ: Thought you might want to know. Just finished my first volunteer shift. Got through the immunizations, TB test etc just fine. Have had some symptomatic moments while doing all of this(visual overload stuff mostly where I just feel weird and it is hard to focus visually), but I really enjoy interacting with other people and feeling like I am helping others. It is helping to repair my battered self confidence which was badly damaged this last year. Also, realizing that the "bottom" is not going to fall out if I feel some symptoms is helping me trust my body a bit more and not be in automatic fear mode. I think I am going to have to push through the weird stuff when it pops up, but hopefully it will stay manageable. I appreciate your encouragement on this issue so very much! PJ, you mentioned that the holidays are difficult for you. Do you still get symptoms when you get stressed? Is it less than when you were in recovery/wd? You mentioned DR & DP in that conversation - is this something you still struggle with? Just curious as you are kind of the face for recovery for me and I want to honestly know what (if any) symptoms you still contend with so I have a realistic view of healing. No judgement if you do, just want to know if you don't mind sharing. Thanks as always for your support and friendship, TG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 7, 2012 Share Posted November 7, 2012 99% normal now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 99% normal now Hooray for you, my friend You made it! All the best to you. I bet you're glad that the elections are over so they will quit talking about Ohio. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Thank you Redeemed, you have a nice Thanksgiving also. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
[...] Posted November 7, 2012 Author Share Posted November 7, 2012 Pj, I just wanted you to know that I think you are incredibly nice...for taking the time to encourage others who are still going through withdrawal. You always come across so genuine and positive about situations in life that trouble all of us. It warms my heart to come here and read.....laugh....cry....and feel all human. Sunny girl Hi sunnygirl, Gee whiz! Your overly kind words have made my head swell; now my Notre Dame Fightin' Irish cap, no longer fits. Actually it was a bit large, now it fits perfectly, thanks. Seriously, thank you so much for such kind, encouraging words. You, like so many others, add credence to my heartfelt belief, that the folks, who, since it's inception, who are now or ever have been associated with benzobuddies, are indeed, some of mankind's most loving, caring, and decent people. We were all brought together, not by design, but by a drug that we had no inclination of how it could harm us in so many, unbelievable ways. The one redeeming factor in our journey, is the privilege of having met so many wonderful, kind, and gentle souls along the way. There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness ... Han Suyin Take good care of yourself, and celebrate your uniqueness, and your gentleness. pj Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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