An experience like no other

[[...]]

thx pj ,its usually happen when ihave stressful day and then it came to me in my sleep

 

You're welcome, hoda.  Stress can definitely cause anxiety, I imagine it was kind of scary when it happened while you were sleeping, and woke you up.  You will get better.

 

pj

[[...]]

thx pj , ihope this end soon

[[...]]

thx pj , ihope this end soon

 

Hi hoda,

 

I have given you a link to Pamster's success story.  I think if you read it, you will get lots of encouragement from doing so.  Pamster is a very kind, and understanding person, who has helped, and encouraged many people when she was active at benzobuddies as a moderator, and as an administrator.

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=17642.0

 

 

[[...]]

hii pj, thx for the link i tried to write but igot masseg said no body talk in this topic since 120 days so i think shes not there any more?

[[...]]

 

 

hii pj, thx for the link i tried to write but igot masseg said no body talk in this topic since 120 days so i think shes not there any more?

 

You're welcome hoda. 

 

Pamster is out there living, and enjoying her life.  She's not around here much anymore.  When we are healed, we tend to drift away, and continue on with our live's.  The people that we have met along our journey here; we think of quite often after they have left, because they were so supportive, and kind.  They understood what we were going through when no one else would or could.

 

Take care.

 

pj 

[[Iw...]]

  Hey PJ,

 

Great story! Mine is sort of similiar as well. I got diagnosed with h pylori also but i was getting anxiety from the pain and everything so they gave me Xanax. Xanax took the pain away n i was relieved. But of course wd happened. Cant wait till im healed like you. Thanks for sharing your story. Very well written. Enjoy your life, you deserve it.

[[...]]

thx pj, i stopped to say hi

[[...]]

  Hey PJ,

 

Great story! Mine is sort of similiar as well. I got diagnosed with h pylori also but i was getting anxiety from the pain and everything so they gave me Xanax. Xanax took the pain away n i was relieved. But of course wd happened. Cant wait till im healed like you. Thanks for sharing your story. Very well written. Enjoy your life, you deserve it.

 

 

Hi Iwill,

 

Thanks.  That H.pylori is really something, isn't it?  The Ativan took the pain away for me, and allowed me to get some sleep.  But, being ignorant about Benzos, and their recommended time of use, the Ativan came back to bite me, big time. 

 

Benzodiazepines have their place in the medical realm of our society, but doctors, and patients alike, must be educated regarding all aspects of taking, and discontinuing their use.  More so doctors, because they are entrusted to do us no harm.

 

You will be healed, it happens to all of us, and you will be writing your success story.

 

I wish you the very best.

 

pj

[[...]]

thx pj, i stopped to say hi

 

Hi hoda,

 

Thanks for stopping by, I hope you are doing better with your symptoms, and are tolerating the heat wave that is affecting a large part of the country..  Have a nice fourth of July.

 

pj

[[St...]]

Hi pj,

 

I hope you are having continued healing and feeling better from your H. Pylori condition.

 

Thank you pj for coming back and encouraging others.

 

I am 10 months out from a c/t.  Do you remember how you were at that time period?  I know you can't compare one person to another, I don't even know why I'm asking how you were at my stage. I guess I am just at a bad day and wanting to know this will be ok - that I will get well.

Guess that is why I have re read your success story, needing to believe this will end.

 

Hope you are enjoying your summer,

Sally

[[...]]

 

 

 

Hi pj,

 

I hope you are having continued healing and feeling better from your H. Pylori condition.

 

Thank you pj for coming back and encouraging others.

 

I am 10 months out from a c/t.  Do you remember how you were at that time period?  I know you can't compare one person to another, I don't even know why I'm asking how you were at my stage. I guess I am just at a bad day and wanting to know this will be ok - that I will get well.

Guess that is why I have re read your success story, needing to believe this will end.

 

Hope you are enjoying your summer,

Sally

Hi Sally,

 

At ten months off I was still in pretty bad shape.  I was cold all the time, my body temp. hovered around 96.7 degrees.  My neck was stiff, my right shoulder hurt so bad that I had to sleep on my left side only, and the electrical shocks, itching, and burning skin were enough to drive me nuts.  At seven months off those crazy thoughts of death and dying finally left, and never came back.

 

A short time after I reached the one year mark, things began to get much better, and better until at fifteen months I was completely healed.

 

You are going to completely heal, I believe that with all my heart, and soul.  One day when you least expect it, all your symptoms will have left you, and you will enjoy life with a new found joy, and compassion that will lift your spirits to new heights.

 

Thank you, Sally...please have a fun summer, and try not to worry too much.  When you are healed, and look back, all that you went through will be just a distant memory in the rear view mirror of life.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

pj   

 

 

[[mp...]]

Hello my wordsmith friend,

 

Just wanted to peek in to give you a little buddie cheer. 

 

M.

[[tu...]]

PJ: You mentioned shoulder pain.  I have had this for a few months.  It really hurts to do certain things (like pull a shirt over my head - ouch!).  At first I thought I slept on it wrong, but it has just persisted.  I have wondered if it could be w/d related, but it seemed far fetched and I couldn't imagine how it could be.  Curious what you experienced with your shoulder pain.

 

Also, did the heat rev up your symptoms?  I am finding if I get too warm for too long I get anxious/dizzy.

 

Thanks!

[[...]]

Hello my wordsmith friend,

 

Just wanted to peek in to give you a little buddie cheer. 

 

M.

 

Thanks M,

 

You are really a sweet lady, who is so very smart, and so kind.  You have stolen our hearts.

 

Your friend,

 

pj

[[...]]

PJ: You mentioned shoulder pain.  I have had this for a few months.  It really hurts to do certain things (like pull a shirt over my head - ouch!).  At first I thought I slept on it wrong, but it has just persisted.  I have wondered if it could be w/d related, but it seemed far fetched and I couldn't imagine how it could be.  Curious what you experienced with your shoulder pain.

 

Also, did the heat rev up your symptoms?  I am finding if I get too warm for too long I get anxious/dizzy.

 

Thanks!

 

Hi turtlegirl,

 

My shoulder pain was definitely related to withdrawals.  I never had it before withdrawals, and the pain is gone now.  When I drove, I had to steer with my left arm, because of the pain in my right shoulder.

I hear you.  Pulling a shirt over my head was sheer torture, too.  I cold turkied Ambien, and Ativan.  I really believe that Ambien is as nasty or nastier than a true benzo.

 

Heat could rev up your symptoms, because I think our bodies must work harder to overcome the consequences of dealing with heat, and humidity.

 

You take care now, and the best to you.

 

pj

 

 

 

 

[[St...]]

 

 

 

Hi pj,

 

I hope you are having continued healing and feeling better from your H. Pylori condition.

 

Thank you pj for coming back and encouraging others.

 

I am 10 months out from a c/t.  Do you remember how you were at that time period?  I know you can't compare one person to another, I don't even know why I'm asking how you were at my stage. I guess I am just at a bad day and wanting to know this will be ok - that I will get well.

Guess that is why I have re read your success story, needing to believe this will end.

 

Hope you are enjoying your summer,

Sally

Hi Sally,

 

At ten months off I was still in pretty bad shape.  I was cold all the time, my body temp. hovered around 96.7 degrees.  My neck was stiff, my right shoulder hurt so bad that I had to sleep on my left side only, and the electrical shocks, itching, and burning skin were enough to drive me nuts.  At seven months off those crazy thoughts of death and dying finally left, and never came back.

 

A short time after I reached the one year mark, things began to get much better, and better until at fifteen months I was completely healed.

 

You are going to completely heal, I believe that with all my heart, and soul.  One day when you least expect it, all your symptoms will have left you, and you will enjoy life with a new found joy, and compassion that will lift your spirits to new heights.

 

Thank you, Sally...please have a fun summer, and try not to worry too much.  When you are healed, and look back, all that you went through will be just a distant memory in the rear view mirror of life.

 

Take good care of yourself.

 

pj 

 

Thank you pj for responding to me.  It so truly helps hearing from people like you and Jenny who have healed from a c/t.  I hope to someday be able to return here and give others hope to hang on to my example and words for their healing.  I really do want to pass on the encouragement and hope as you all are doing.

 

I don't have the sxs at 10 months that you are, and when I compare my sxs to yours I'm doing good, knock on wood.  There is a chart on Recovery Times that I keep my eyes on, it is the last chart of the page posted below

 

http://www.benzosupport.org/recovery_times.htm

 

I hope I do start feeling better once the 1 year mark happens, and it will happen - I have my eyes set upon it.  Granted this is just a chart and that doesn't guarantee when I will get better but it gives me hope with along your progress.

 

I did make a list of my sxs of the past 10 months today, majority of which are gone or less in intensity or frequency.  I found that a really positive page I could put in front of my eyes.  It is a matter of pushing the negative thoughts aside and believing what is really happening - that I am healing. Slowly but it is happening.

 

Again - thank you pj for your words to me and others.  I hope you are having a nice 4th of July. Mine is the quietest that I have had in years, but I'm thinking of how next year we can have a big cookout and family get together. I'm thinking of how much better I will be by then since I have healed so much thus far out now.

 

I am taking good care of myself, I am so fortunate to have good support from family and my BB friends,

 

my best to you,

Sally

[[...]]

You're welcome Sally,

 

I will be waiting to read your success story.  I'm glad that you want to come back and encourage others after you have healed.  I think it is important that we do so.  Most often it is the words of encouragment that give people the hope, and the determination to fight on, no matter how hard their struggle has become.

 

Take care.

 

pj

[[tu...]]

pj:  Did you get headaches during w/d (I have had terrible headaches lately and I am wondering if they are associated with the shoulder pain I talked to you about).  Also, at what point did the shoulder pain improve?

[[...]]

pj:  Did you get headaches during w/d (I have had terrible headaches lately and I am wondering if they are associated with the shoulder pain I talked to you about).  Also, at what point did the shoulder pain improve?

 

Hi,

 

I never got any headaches, I am very grateful for that.  I really think your headaches are not associated with your shoulder pain, but who knows?  We have so many weird withdrawal symptoms, I guess we cannot rule anything out.  Are you spending a lot of time on the computer, or doing other things where your neck remains in the same position for a long time.  This may cause a tension type of headache.

 

My shoulder pain was the most stubborn symptom, and the last one to leave.  That was about at 13 months off.

 

good luck to you.

 

pj

[[Ba...]]

Greetings, PJ, Fliprain pointed me in your direction as an encouraging resource...so Hello!  We have an Ativan connection.  My blog, something I have never done before, is Babatha's Bloggerings.  Nice to meet you!

Babatha

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http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q540/Skyy52/523981_4302080837235_1560803110_n.jpg

[[...]]

Greetings, PJ, Fliprain pointed me in your direction as an encouraging resource...so Hello!  We have an Ativan connection.  My blog, something I have never done before, is Babatha's Bloggerings.  Nice to meet you!

Babatha

 

Hi,

 

Nice to meet you, too...Babatha.  I read your blog with interest, and am sorry for all that you have gone through.  Like all benzos, that Ativan is one mean drug.  There are so many nice, and decent people on this site, as I am sure you have discovered.  Flip is a wonderful, and caring person, just like you are.

 

Take good care of yourself, and I wish you the very best.

 

pj 

[[...]]

http://i1162.photobucket.com/albums/q540/Skyy52/523981_4302080837235_1560803110_n.jpg

 

I am most definitely ready for the weekend, Skyy.

[[Fr...]]

My stomach felt like it was being squeezed in a vice.  I went on the internet to diagnose what was wrong with me.  "I have either pancreatic cancer or stomach cancer," I thought to myself, as my anxiety began to build, and build to a level that was very disturbing. "You dummy, you know better than to look up diseases on the internet," I yelled at myself.

 

Being a typical guy, not wanting to go to a Doctor, I lived with the stomach pain, and my not sleeping for six days, until I eventually realized that I would not get better without some medical intervention.

 

The next morning I went to the Doctor , and was diagnosed with H. pylori, and given a prescription for the triple cocktail of drugs that would eliminate the bacteria that had invaded my stomach lining. 

 

"Doctor I have had insomnia for a couple of years, and because of the painful stomach, I have not slept in six days.  Can you give me a prescription for a sleep medication," I asked her, as she was about to exit the examining room.  She gave me a prescription for Ativan, and Ambien, and told me to  'take as needed.'

 

That night before going to bed I took a 1 mg Ativan pill.  WOW!  Before I knew what hit me, it was morning.  I had not slept like that since I couldn't remember when. "That Ativan is some good stuff," I exclaimed to myself.

 

During the next two years, I continued to take the Ativan, and the Ambien, intemittently, having no clue that I was having, what I refer to now, as mini-withdrawals. There were many days when I just did not feel good, and had lots of weird things going on with my body.

 

Every time I went to see the Doctor, prior to going cold-turkey, all my test results came back negative. She, unfortunately, did not make a connection between the benzos that I was given to treat insomnia, and all the weird things that were happening to me. I never made the connection either.  My only prior experienceI with drugs was when I had taken Vicoden a few times for a pinched nerve in my back. 

 

One morning I had just gotten out of bed, and I began to shake violently, my body felt like it was encased in ice.  I went to the E. R., where I was told that I had a U TI, and was given a prescription for Levaquin.

 

After reading about the terrible side-effects associated with Levaquin, I contacted the E. R., and told them I would not take it.  "I would give it to my grandmother, it is a safe drug," came a reassuring voice over the phone.  Realizing that I would not bend, I was given a prescription for Keflex.

 

I took the Keflex for two days, when the E.R. called and said the culture they had done was negative.  I did not have an infection. 

 

About a week later, after just having gone to bed, a wave of heat enveloped me from head to toe, my skin was flushed, and red like a lobster.  This caused a mild panic in me, and lasted about an hour.  The next morning I went to see the Doctor for the umpteenth time.

 

I explained to her about the previous nights disturbing episode. "You just had too many covers on," she said to me.  "That is why you were feeling so hot."  Sensing that I was getting irritated with her, she suggested that I should take Zoloft to ease my anxiety.

 

I went home with a prescription for Zoloft, and a refill for the Ativan, and the Ambien.  I was so mad over the ignorance of the Doctor that I shredded the prescriptions, and thus, began my cold-turkey.

 

That night the heat-wave thing hit again.  I spent the night in the recliner, wide awake, my mind racing faster than an Indy 500 car.  So it was for the next thirty nights.  No sleep, and a racing mind, my body going from hot to cold, to cold, and hot.

 

Eventually, I was cognizant enough to research benzo withdrawals on the Internet. While scrolling down a page, the word BenzoBuddies, 'grabbed a hold of me', and on that cold December night, with my ever faithful dog lying at my feet, and a blanket wrapped around me to chase away the cold chills, I was led on a tour of the BenzoBuddies forums, where I quickly realized that, I indeed, was experiencing Benzodiazepine withdrawals.

 

No words can express the relief and sheer joy I felt in knowing , I was not alone in my quest in searching for answers that would validate the reasons for all the weirdness my body was dealing with.  I did write my Doctor a letter, explaining what I was going through.  She apologized to me, I accepted that apology, and moved on, never seeing her again.

 

I had around thirty different symptoms, everyhing from electrical shocks, to burning mouth, to twitching eyelids, to insanly burning, and itching skin. I won't elaborate on the numerous other symptoms, since all of you now have, or have had them at one time. 

 

After a year of dealing with all this crap, I began to wonder if I  would ever fully heal.  But, after fifteen long months, I have completely healed, and am happier, and more content than I have ever been before.

 

All you wonderful, kind, and decent folks, will all completely heal one day, and like I now do, you will enjoy life with a new found appreciation for all the mysterious, and wondrous things life has to offer. 

 

Your sunrise will be so much brighter, the sunset so much more spectacular, the sound of a laughing little child, so much sweeter.  The little things that used to upset you won't anymore.

 

 

I have read hundreds of old postings from the past three and four years, and have often wondered what has become of the kind, understanding people who cried together, laughed together, and shared their deepest thoughts together. To read the back and forth banter between one member and another, is fascinating and inspiring. I have to marvel at the fact, that complete strangers, in the blink of an eye, became kindred spirits. What a befitting testimony to our capacity as humans, to love and appreciate one another.

 

We can become so enamored with certain members that when they leave, we are left with an emptiness and sadness that cannot be easily explained. 

 

While reading those postings from many years ago, I felt like I was treading on sacred territory, and could almost 'feel' the presence of the authors, who wrote all those heartfelt words to each other.

 

It was at that moment when I realized that they had all healed, and were back to living their varied lives again in the way that life was meant to be lived.  All of you will be doing the same one day, because this nightmare does end, and you will be happy, and productive again.

 

It would be awfully hard, maybe even impossible, to find a kinder, or nicer group of people than you do at BenzoBuddies, where People REALLY do want to help one another in the most thoughtful, and caring way, with a sincerity, and decency that is so very real.

 

When someone cries out for help.  There is no hesitation in wanting to help that person.  People respond with heartfelt emotions, and a genuine concern for an individual they have never met, and often become close friends with that person.  Friends unlike no one else in their lives, because they understand how that person is suffering day in, and day out, in a way that no one else can ever understand.

 

I want to leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Ashley Smith:

 

"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces.  Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

 

PJ

 

edit typo

 

 

 

Hi pj,

 

Since I first came to BB's, this past January, I have stayed mainly on the Buddie Blog's.  I was one of the many members of the TRAP forum that shut down, so wanted to keep in touch with my friends.

 

This morning, I decided to read some success stories, as I too, have been free for 14 months, tomorrow.  I was moved to emotion, reading your story, as it is one of victory.  You were able to do something that many could not do.  You did your own research, fought through the w/d symptoms of a cold turkey, and survived.  That is amazing, wonderful, and exciting, as it will give much hope to those who think that they are permanently injured, or never going to recover.

 

Benzos are hell producing pills of destruction, but if they are not taken, they cannot do any more, but scream their last screams, with the symptoms they give, as we wean off of them.

 

Your words;

 

While reading those postings from many years ago, I felt like I was treading on sacred territory, and could almost 'feel' the presence of the authors, who wrote all those heartfelt words to each other.

 

It was at that moment when I realized that they had all healed, and were back to living their varied lives again in the way that life was meant to be lived.  All of you will be doing the same one day, because this nightmare does end, and you will be happy, and productive again.

 

How true those words are.  I have seen and known many, who have healed, recovered, and gone back to living, again.  I have missed them, but isn't that what we all came here for?  To be whole, healthy, and recovered from this poison, and wish the same for everyone that comes here?  May we all find real joy, and the horrors of benzos, be a fading memory, only to be remembered as a lesson, learned.

 

Thank you for sharing your story, pj.  I pray that you will have a happy life, and continue to give others the hope that they too, can beat this benzo demon, and experience freedom.

 

From "Braveheart" the movie of Scotland's freedom fighter, William Wallace;

 

" Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

 

Our enemies are benzos, and all other drugs that take our freedom, and for that reason, I will keep fighting!

 

Frizz

[[...]]

Hi Frizz,

 

I congratulate you on being free from benzos.  It is indeed, not an easy task.  When we are in the throes of withdrawals, and have been so for a very long time, we tend to question if we will ever completely heal.  That is why I think it is so important that those of us who have healed, stay around for awhile to tell, and encourage others, who are still suffering, and doubting if they will ever heal, that they most definitely will.

 

I like to use this analogy regarding benzos:  We are merely the puppet, and the benzo is the  Puppeteer, a master of deception, who is pulling the strings, that manipulates our minds into believing, what he, the Puppeteer wants us to believe, not what we want to believe.

 

It was nice meeting you, Frizz.

 

I wish you the very best that life has to offer.

 

pj