An experience like no other

[[...]]

pj. oh yea my friend ohio was the big turky for them every body was fighting over it , and th for u my friend ur great guy u did stay to help me  every time i needed u , thats the real friend iam proud igot to know u guys in this forum. now ifeel so much me even my family said iam alot batter and different than before sound like iwas in other planet and in my way back.

[[...]]

Thank you hoda.  It has been a pleasure knowing you.  The best of luck to you in your business, and in all that you do.  I'm glad your parents are seeing the real you again.

 

pj

[[...]]

th pj , iwill keep bother u loool about whats going on with me .so ican help other people here to know what iwent through and what will happen so they have good info for them

[[mi...]]

Thanks PJ.  If we don't chat through the boards prior, then I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving and holiday season as well.   

 

Turtlegirl,

Congratulations on your volunteer success.  You should be very proud of yourself. 

 

Thanks much,

M

[[tu...]]

Miffed:

 

So kind.  While my symptoms (while out in the world volunteering) weren't "perfect" it was manageable.  Thanks for the well wishes.  Hope you are doing ok.

 

Hoda:

 

You are about one month ahead of me.  So glad you are feeling 99% better.  That is wonderful.  Good luck to you!

 

PJ:

 

Still hoping you will respond about the holidays part of my post to you (hope I am not bugging you).

 

 

So many nice and caring people on this thread/forum.  Can't even imagine how much harder this experience would be without friends who understand this journey.

 

 

[[re...]]

Hey Hoda -

 

Congrats on your new found progress!  Good luck to you.   

 

 

 

Redeemed

[[...]]

PJ:

 

Thought you might want to know.  Just finished my first volunteer shift.  Got through the immunizations, TB test etc just fine. Have had some symptomatic moments while doing all of this(visual overload stuff mostly where I just feel weird and it is hard to focus visually), but I really enjoy interacting with other people and feeling like I am helping others.  It is helping to repair my battered self confidence which was badly damaged this last year.  Also, realizing that the "bottom" is not going to fall out if I feel some symptoms is helping me trust my body a bit more and not be in automatic fear mode.  I think I am going to have to push through the weird stuff when it pops up, but hopefully it will stay manageable.  I appreciate your encouragement on this issue so very much!

 

PJ, you mentioned that the holidays are difficult for you.  Do you still get symptoms when you get stressed?  Is it less than when you were in recovery/wd?  You mentioned DR & DP in that conversation - is this something you still struggle with?  Just curious as you are kind of the face for recovery for me and I want to honestly know what (if any) symptoms you still contend with so I have a realistic view of healing.  No judgement if you do, just want to know if you don't mind sharing.

 

Thanks as always for your support and friendship,

TG

 

Hi turtlegirl,

 

I was wondering how you were doing.  I think interacting with people in a work environment will really help build your confidence, and self esteem.

 

Good for you!  Before you know it, the one and only, original turtlegirl will be back with all the confidence of a skydiver. 

 

When I was talking about the holidays, I was referring to people, in general, and how the holidays may be a difficult time for them.  Many people struggle with the holidays even if they are not burdened with withdrawals.  Since I am completely healed now, I am looking forward to the holidays with great anticipation regarding how much fun they can be. 

 

All my symptoms have been gone for nine months, and thankfully, none have returned.  This late in the game, I cannot imagine that they would ever come back.  Most people have healed and have not had any symptoms return.  I can most definitely imagine the same scenario for you. 

 

I hope the upcoming holidays are not too stressful for you.  The best of luck to you on your volunteer position at the hospital, and on your continuing recovery. 

 

Being your friend, and helping you has been, and will continue to be an honor.  I just want you to get your life back, and be happy.  And no, you are not bugging me.   It takes an awful lot for me to get bugged.

 

pj

 

 

[[...]]

turtlegirl, thx how r u feeling now?

[[...]]

 

redeemed2012,th my friend

 

[[ge...]]

Hey PJ,

I am currently 3 months off a rapid taper, and I am struggling greatly. I am wondering whether you had a 'let up' in mental symptoms, which are intruding into every second of my day right now. The mental symptoms seem to have been heightening the past couple weeks or so, and it scares me. Thank you 

[[...]]

 

 

 

Hey PJ,

I am currently 3 months off a rapid taper, and I am struggling greatly. I am wondering whether you had a 'let up' in mental symptoms, which are intruding into every second of my day right now. The mental symptoms seem to have been heightening the past couple weeks or so, and it scares me. Thank you 

Hi gettingthere,

 

I'm sorry that you are struggling so hard.  Although I had dp/dr and depression, the intrusive thoughts about death and dying bothered me the most, and lasted perhaps a month to six weeks.  All my symptoms, mental and physical, would come and go at random, and would be all over the place in their intensity, and in how long they stuck around ... Up and down, like a yoyo.  To answer your question, yes, the mental symptoms, before they were completely gone, did occasionaly let up.   

 

I will say that the intrusive thoughts bothered me more than the dp/dr or the depression did.  They scared the heck out of me, because they were just plain scary, and would pop into my head, without warning, whenever they felt like it, day or night.  I found that by walking for a half-hour or so every day would lessen my mental symptoms.

 

When your mind plays tricks on you, you bet, it's scary.  If you didn't have the mental symptoms that are messing with you now, before the benzos, you can perhaps take some solice in knowing that they will most definitely disappear, and like mine, they will not come back.

 

Try to keep occupied the best you can.  I would write silly stories, do crossword puzzles or whatever, just to try and direct my thoughts away from how miserable I was.  Hang a note on your fridge reminding you that this is all temporary, tell yourself that you will be healed by Christmas.  Positive thinking really does help.

 

I hope you get some relief soon.  It's such a darn shame that any of us had to deal with these ridiculous, and confusing withdrawals.

 

You take good care of yourself, because when this is all over, you want to jump right back into living again with all the gusto that you can muster. 

 

pj           

[[...]]

stopped by to say hii to the great friend pj and all my friends here

[[re...]]

Hey Hoda!  How are you, my friend? Hope all is well with you. 

 

 

 

 

Redeemed

[[...]]

stopped by to say hii to the great friend pj and all my friends here

 

Hi to my great friend, hoda.  I am happy that you are 99% healed, that's almost as good as 100%

 

Do you plan on visiting your homeland in Egypt sometime in the future?  I've never been there, but I have seen enough pictures to know that Egypt is a beautiful place that is so rich in historical culture and artifacts.

[[...]]

For the good folks from all around the world who continue to struggle and want so badly to get your life back; My Christmas wish is that you all are healed by New Year's Eve, so you can sing Auld Lang Syne as you bid a fond farewell to your withdrawal symptoms.

 

I wish that those who are close to you would or could understand what you are going through.  But, because your hurt is invisible ... is hidden, and not out in the open like an injury that is wrapped in a bandage ... some people find it extremely difficult to comprehend or understand what they cannot see. 

 

If they did, they would realize, that more than anything, you want your life back ... but, because of the way in which benzos have temporarily taken away the person that you used to be, and left only the shadow ... no matter how hard you try to be that complete person again, it takes time and a lot of understanding from your loved ones.     

 

I wish they would say to you: "We understand.  We will be there for you until that day when you are you again ... no matter how long it may  take."   

 

 

"Always remember, even when the memories pinch your heart, the pain of all your experiences is what makes you the person you are now.  And without your experience---you are an empty page, a blank notebook, a missing lyric.  What makes you brave is your willingness to live through your terrible life and hold your head up high the next day.  So don't live in fear.  Because you are stronger now, after all the crap has happened, than you ever were back before it started.”

 

    Alysha Speer

 

 

 

 

   

 

                 

 

[[sa...]]

:'(

[[li...]]

Hi

 

Thanks so much for your encouragement and your story it's really inspiring and so helpful to everyone going through this.

:'(

Lib

[[ge...]]

Thank you. PJ, for everything you do. I know you hear this all the time, but it means so much that you stay around to offer hope and inspiration to those still struggling. It takes a special person to do that 

[[...]]

:'(

 

[[...]]

Hi

 

Thanks so much for your encouragement and your story it's really inspiring and so helpful to everyone going through this.

:'(

Lib

 

Hello Lib,

 

You're welcome.  I've managed, at one time or another, to come across a couple of your posts, and I sympathize with you.  Your pain sounds unbearable. It's so cruel and so unjust what you are going through. 

 

I can relate to the feeling of muscles being shredded.  One of my longest, and most painful symptoms was, when my leg muscles felt like they were being stretched like rubber bands, and at the same time were being zapped by an electrical current.  I can now go jogging with my dog for a long distance without any pain, whatsoever.  I am telling you this, because I want to assure you that your terrible withdrawal symptoms will all vanish one day.

 

When I can, I read the introductions board, and I am utterly amazed at how many folks there are that come here everyday.  They had no idea where to go or what to do to seek refuge from their pain and confusion.  That's why this site is so important.  The majority of them were not told anything about the repercussions of taking or the discontinuing of benzodiazepines.  Consequently, through no fault of their own, Just like you, and the many other decent folks, they are forced to endure a boatload of painful and degrading withdrawals that can mirror a medieval torture chamber. 

 

I sincerely wish you the very best.  Know that one day you will completely heal.  All the pain and indignity you have suffered will be gone, and your life will be enriched by your experience, because the things that hurt us the most, also makes us stronger. 

 

pj   

 

 

 

 

[[...]]

Thank you. PJ, for everything you do. I know you hear this all the time, but it means so much that you stay around to offer hope and inspiration to those still struggling. It takes a special person to do that 

 

You're welcome, gettingthere 

 

I'm really not that special, but thank you for thinking so.  I just love people and I appreciate the fact that life can sometimes be a painful, complicated mess that causes many folks to experience a lot of the bad in life, and not so much of the good.  Everybody deserves a shot at being happy and achieving their goals in life.  We all want to be somebody who is loved and respected for who we are, and also for who we are not. 

 

I consider it an honor and a priviledge to take an hour from my day, to come here, and hopefully help or encourage someone to climb out of the dark abyss that benzos has forced them into.

 

All the best to you.

 

pj

 

 

[[tu...]]

That hour that you take to console all of us here is more far reaching and powerful than you know. Thanks for taking that time each day

[[re...]]

Yes, indeed, Turtlegirl.  Here's another person that appreciates it.    Thanks, PJ! 

[[sa...]]

Hi PJ,

 

Here you are! I love the way you write to people and have wanted to come tell you that for some time now, but I don't see a link in your sig to your blog! Of course everyone is treated like royalty here. You are awesome, PJ!

 

I love your holiday wish for everyone, I wish it back for you, too.

 

It is heartbreaking to see so many new people arrive every day. I know my doctor is wiser because of my journey and the letter I left him with. I believe one day it won't be prescribed like this anymore, or at the very least people will know it is as bad as smoking!

 

Speaking of that, who were those amazing people that managed to strong arm everyplace on America to smoke outside? We should get them on the benzo legal team. 

 

Ok, this was a thank you post, not a soapbox.

 

Stepping off now, and thank you again for being such a wonderful presence here. Isn't it cool how one post can feel so many emotionally?

 

xoxo

Sarah

[[Li...]]

Hi PJ,

 

I recently joined Benzobuddies and I was really uplifted by what you wrote.  Your experience sounds very similar to mine in that I had been going to the doctor constantly due to all these strange and disturbing symptoms I was having.  I have only realized recently that what I am experiencing is withdrawal symptoms.  It is comforting to know that there are so many other people who have succeeded in getting through this.  Thank you for your words.

 

Lilbit