12-24 months and up support group

[[Ga...]]

Good morning all😍.  Checking in on everyone and it seems from reading your posts that there are still lots of waves out there darkening our doorsteps!  Oh, if we only had an end date stamped on our recovery papers:  Tell me it will only be two more weeks/months/won’t go there,years, and let me count the days until the final window opens up🙏🙏🙏.  I am a mixed bag this morning and trying to figure whether I am feeling wavy from my first thin application of a steroid ointment I have to use for a flare up of my lichen schlerous (sp?).  This is a chronic skin inflammation in the genital area of mostly women, but it can also affect men.  I think I am having a flare because of added stress lately.  Generally the affected area can heal pretty quickly from the steroid cream and a non-steroidal cream.  The OBGYN decided to take a culture to make sure I don’t have vulva cancer, which I doubt as only about 4% of women with this condition go on to get cancer.  I feel pretty ill this morning, but my husband is sick too, and after talking to my internist, he think hubby and I are having a bad reaction to the tilapia we had for dinner last night.  Tilapia is very high in histamine and also has vitamin b12 in it.  So, I don’t know whether I am ill because of the tilapia or the steroid ointment, or both?  I have been having a wonderful window until last night after the tilapia and one thin application of the steroid. 

 

Well, that’s my story and I am sticking to it!  Oh, my neighbor just told me that she ended up in the ER with an awful rash from eating tilapia......NO more tilapia for moi!!!!

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING DEAR BENZO BUDDIES🦃🦃🦃🦃😍😍😍😍

[[La...]]

Wow GG it sounds like both are the culprit to me. I don’t blame you. No more of that. Hope you and hubby get to feeling better soon. Happy thanksgiving to you as well. Have any plans for thanksgiving?

I’m going to be supervising my soon to be DIL because I can’t stand long enough to cook the whole meal as I normally do each year. Just a few of us will be here. 4 of us. So at least I won’t be totally alone.

Feel better soon my dear 🌹

I’m hanging in there too. This morning dread and wave wasn’t so bad. I’m so grateful but normally that means one not so good is lurking. We will see. Right now just increased ear ringing ( which signals a wave coming), my usual boatiness increasing and head pressure. All of that is at bearable levels right now. 

[[Be...]]

When I called the psychic I didn't say one thing to him.  Just my name and birth date maybe.  He predicted that I'd spend much of my life writing and that's what happened.  How did he know I wasn't illiterate? I asked if I would have kids and he didn't want to say no but said that I had maternal instincts.  Had no kids and I do have maternal instincts.  He was spot on.

[[Be...]]

When I called the psychic I didn't say one thing to him.  Just my name and birth date maybe.  He predicted that I'd spend much of my life writing and that's what happened.  How did he know I wasn't illiterate? I asked if I would have kids and he didn't want to say no but said that I had maternal instincts.  Had no kids and I do have maternal instincts.  He was spot on.

 

Ohhhh Becks you’re a writer - how wonderful )

[[Be...]]

Bess today I woke up on that planet you mentioned. Ohhhh my my my goodness. As well as feeling a bit down about being like this for soooooo long and going through a divorce to top it off. It hasn’t bothered me much but today it is! Sweet Bess your description of your doctor visit and phone call was sad. But unfortunately not a surprise. If it was up to me, I’d make them all tolerant to the meds they prescribe to others and let them ALL see for themselves. But that would happen only in a perfect world. The fact that there’s billions being made off these drugs in itself speaks volumes. An admittance of long term damage would hurt those pockets way too much. It would cause doctors and pharmaceuticals to take responsibility.

As far as your frightingly frivolous psychic session, there’s no way he or she can tell you exactly when you will be healed. If they say 3-5 more years and it causes you a breakdown….be careful with what they tell you. My suggestion is to take it with a grain of salt. You don’t know for sure if they’re a fake or what. Only God himself knows that answer to your question. Almost all so called psychics are for entertainment purposes. If you pay close attention when they give you “ predictions “ for the most part, you could predict what they said yourself. It’s always so generic and can apply to anyone. For example, they say oh I see you’ve lost someone very close to you and you miss them. LOL really!!?? Who hasn’t? They say it’s a female or male. Well really!!?? It can’t be but one or the other anyway. And we ALL have lost male and female loved ones. Then they say yes they’re around you all the time. Really!!?? Anyone who knows how spirit works knows that all spirits are eternal. They don’t go anywhere but only have taken off their physical body. They say, you haven’t been well or you’re having much stress or you will meet someone special soon, etc. EVERYONE applies to that stuff too. Well anyway, you get my point. I hope you didn’t mind my insight. I’d like to know what he or she told you. If you don’t mind sharing it. I’m not saying that all are fakes. But there are very very very few that have that gift. The odds of one of them being near you is slim to none. But, it’s your money, your choice and your life. I’m not judging you.

 

Hey lovely LadyD

 

Ohhhh I’m sorry you woke up on that wretched planet - that’s just nasty.  How are you going now? I hope today is a better day for you. You are healing lovrky - I know full well the frustration in the moments when you let yourself think about the length of time it’s taking - I know you’re gonna heal though - like 250,0000000% tidally heal - I know it doesn’t help now though with what you’re going through. You are strong - super super strong & sometimes the most wretched things happen to the super strong. Again thus doesn’t make it any easier right now with what you’re going through.  Please be good to yourself.  Think hood thoughts about yourself to yourself - if you’re feeling wretched sometimes it helps me to kid my brain & repeat “I’m healed” or “I’m healing” you are getting there - you are on the road lovely lady.  Well on the way.

 

I cancelled the psychic.  Found a new therapist instead. Spoke to her today. She isn’t BWD savvy but is gentle & kind & patient so this is good enough for me.  It’s getting late here - it’s raining outside & my lil dog is snoring away after a big day at the park (tough life!). Big love to you - look after yourself - you gonna heal & this won’t last forever - not even close xxx

[[La...]]

What a wonderful post Bess. Thank you for that encouragement. Those things you said are what I do and say to myself each day. If I wasn’t going to heal then I wouldn’t have windows  even though it’s so hard in my life right now, I wasn’t built to break! I think the power of positive thinking carries a person a long way. It does have great benefits. This is scientifically proven. I’ve lost nearly everything but I’ve got that! And I know I’ll get everything back…well except my was-band. Thank God because honestly I don’t want him back and definitely don’t need that in my life. I’m looking at this as a blessing regardless of how it feels. 

 

Good morning to everyone here in the 12-24 group. I’d like to take this time to express my love and support for each of you. And to thank you for so unselfishly giving yours. Honestly I’ve learned a lot from this and you all. For example I don’t know if Becks realize this but she gave me the courage to just let my guard down a little to get me to my new apartment. I looked at her current situation reading how she drives or do whatever she needs to do in spite of by pushing through. She simple said to me “ Lady, it’s ok. Just get in that car and go. You will be ok.” I was terrified during that time. Forever grateful for Becks that day! She was right. I just got in that car boaty as hell with pulling magnet sensation and touched it out. My fears did not become reality….I didn’t need an ambulance or get stuck half way there nor did I pass out. Was it hard? Yes but once I was going, it became easier. The hardest part ended up being walking up the walkway to my new home. It made me realize that these symptoms are truly lying cruel things that make us have ridiculous fears sometimes. It’s because the symptoms are real and they’re intense. But we are warriors that can push through some of that. Sometimes like in my case, having tense physical symptoms can make it impossible to do anything even though you want to. But we still must do what we can when we can to let our brain know that we can and if we can’t now then we will soon. Having said all that I’m so grateful for this discovery. Thanks to all of you. Our posts are powerful. At any given time, someone needs to hear one of our brave tales. This is why sharing is important. So let’s continue to share the brave juice!

I’m drinking some brave juice and I WILL take a bath today!

Btw, using Becks as an example of how she helped me is in NO WAY intended to say that I’ve not received help from anybody else. Yes I have from you all.And I hope I’ve been a help to you all too. I hope you didn’t mind me shining a spotlight on that occurrence. Again, it was not intended to leave anyone out. Love you all ❤️

May your thanksgiving be filled with all the joy you can hold.

[[Be...]]

Yesterday, I had to get my rent bill paid.  I just kept telling myself when I got the rent bill in the mail, "I have one goal today and that is to get this rent bill paid and I will get it done!"  And I did.

[[Ga...]]

Sending Happy Thanksgiving wishes to each of you!  No matter where we are in our benzo withdrawal journey, we need to find and hold on to the blessings we have, be it just a roof over our head, a meal on the table, time spent with family and friends, or a window type day which will reassure us that healing is happening.  Hope springs eternal🙏

 

 

Hugs,

 

GG

[[La...]]

Thank you Becks for sharing that. And that’s exactly what I was saying. Sometimes we’ve just got to push through to do what we need to do. I’m very proud of you!

 

Garden thank you for that thanksgiving wishes. You are so right. It’s so easy to overlook the blessings we do have. It would be a good idea if we give thanks for those things on a regular basis and not just once a year on thanksgiving. In this recovery we feel awful most of us most of the time. We lose a lot but also gain so much. But the gaining part we don’t see until later ( when we’re healed). I’m meaning as far as appreciating it. There’s a saying “ you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”. Boy do we know that’s so true. 

 

Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May today we have nice windows to enjoy our family and friends. 🦃🦃🦃😊🍁🍁

[[De...]]

Happy Thanksgiving All, sorry for being a day late but was busy hosting a group of 7 and it definitely challenged me.  Have not slept well over last few nights because of the increased socialization and activity.  I am finally able to find some peace and quiet and minimal activity again to try to recalibrate.

 

Sometimes I just don't think I'm getting there.  Feel very sad today.  Probably the disrupted sleep.

[[Be...]]

Happy Thanksgiving All, sorry for being a day late but was busy hosting a group of 7 and it definitely challenged me.  Have not slept well over last few nights because of the increased socialization and activity.  I am finally able to find some peace and quiet and minimal activity again to try to recalibrate.

 

Sometimes I just don't think I'm getting there.  Feel very sad today.  Probably the disrupted sleep.

 

It’s gonna be ok Dee. Give yourself space to feel what your are feeling.  Be good to yourself.  I’m super impressed you hosted 7 people - go you! I know you don’t feel like it but you are healing & doing so so well.  Xx

[[La...]]

Feel better Deana. Wishing you some Zs

[[Ga...]]

I am 74 and definitely not with child, but to look at me you would gasp and say.....she is with child and ready to deliver!  I have had some mild GI issues during my withdrawal journey, but never have I looked nine months pregnant😱😱😱😱.  It began a few days ago with a flat stomach in the morning, and gradually throughout the day my stomach under my breast and down to and under my belly button inflated like a balloon.....a super size balloon.  It is a soft belly and I have no pain.  I was checked by my internist early last week and he said he felt nothing unusual, and my GI doctor said she could hear bloating.....I didn’t know you could hear bloating?!  We decided to wait until after the holiday, so in January I will take an in-home Sibo test to determine if I have it.  If I do, the doctor said it can be controlled with diet.  I was diagnosed with IBS many years ago, so I am thinking I might be in a flare up after eating some spicy, sodium laden Mediterranean food.  Today my stomach was flat until I had a piece of gluten free bread with peanut butter about an hour ago.  Now I am distended again.  Also, I am fluctuating between diarrhea and constipation, which is unusual for me as I am normally regular and normal.

 

Enough about me....how is everyone?  Any bad repercussions from yesterday’s festivities?  Anyone started decorating for the really big holiday only about a month away?  I would like to, but would find it difficult with this bloated belly of mine!  I am finally seeing a decrease in my awful headaches, and now this?  It is improvement, though, and I am grateful for that. 

 

Would love to hear back from you, my 12-24 month benzo buddies😍😍😍😍

 

Hugs,

 

GG

[[La...]]

Oh my GG that sounds like the way my belly was back in acute and a few months afterwards. I looked about 6-7 months pregnant too. Same thing as you, I’d wake up flat in the morning then gradual bloat. This is common in WD. That’s why I didn’t let it freak me out. I didn’t know doctors can hear bloat either! Wow I know they can hear tummy rumblings. These WDs are the gift that keeps on giving until we heal. 

Hopefully everything will go ok with your test. 

I’m not having too much butt kicking from yesterday’s celebration. Just notice it is a slight uptick today. I expected terrible waves today from making myself sit at the table with my family to eat but I tolerated it decently. No terrible waves today…so far. It’s late evening now so it’s just my normal evening wave starting. I haven’t started decorating yet but will tomorrow. I normally do this thanksgiving evening but because of my symptoms I’ll have to wait until I get a window tomorrow. Good to hear your headaches are decreasing. I think if you had to pick between the two…you’d rather have the pregnant looking belly than a bad headache. Always happy to read your posts dear sweetheart

:smitten:

[[De...]]

Thanks Bess - that was very sweet and made me tear up....

 

Well aren't we a group to behold LOL!!  GG, if it isn't one thing it's another isn't it?  I hope this goes away for you as quickly as it came.  I'm sure it will and maybe it's a good sign that things are shifting for you. 

 

Yay LadyDen that you have gotten through the festivities with minimal impact. 

 

I'm very tired and emotional this evening, which is unusual as I rarely feel much emotion.  I think it is just the lack of sleep and fatigue.  I took it really easy today so I'm sure I'll feel a bit more like baseline in a few days, but gosh I'm just getting weary of this constant battle.  Sometimes I wonder how we are supposed to get through this.  But I guess we just will, day by day.

 

Be well my friends.

[[Ga...]]

Hello sweet Deanna.  Yes, I think we are all worn down and so very tired of this emotional and physical hamster wheel existence.  But, we just marked another day off the calendar, so one less to go!  We are always healing even on the most awful days....this I believe to be true.

 

I am actually curious as to what my benzo belly will look like tomorrow, and marvel that this is what I am focused on right now.  Sort of mind boggling and something I could never have imagined three years ago!  I am becoming more confident each day as my windows are proof that I am healing.  And you are, too, so keep hanging on.  We will support each other to the end.

 

Rest well!

 

Hugs,

 

GG

[[le...]]

Haven't been on here much. I'm doing an online therapy course, involves positive talking and some meditation. Never been able to do it before, but finding can do this one. It does seem to be revving up symptoms a bit, but think it's because got bring thoughts to the surface first for them to dissapate. Now developed insomnia which is a real bummer. Only getting about 3 hours sleep, hoping will improve. Pretty gutted getting more symptoms this far out. Don't have thanksgiving here but hope you all had good time.

[[Be...]]

Hey everyone,

 

Dee: oh honey be good to yourself. It’s ok to feel emotional & teary. BWD is a wild roller coaster & you’re riding it so so well. 

 

LadyD: wahooo I’m super impressed you had dinner With  your family - go you! I love how you talk about windows & that you will have one tomorrow. Inspirational woman you.

 

GG: yep I get this.  I often go from runny tummy to constipation & round & round & back again. The other day my dr. Listened to my tummy & waa like “how can you have suppressed bowel sounds when you’re eating so much fibre?” I was like Benzo withdrawal that’s how.  Can you Tolerate acidophilus? I can sometimes tolerate the diary free one - sometimes not though.  This helps me with bloating.  Super impressed you downed spicy food - go you!

 

Leann: Wahoooo! Good on you for doing the course - well done.  Sleep will come again. The ups & downs of BWD will even out - you are healing.  Yep you are & doing well!

 

Today I was in a brutal ghastly wave.  I had to work so had to put one foot in front of the other.  I honestly felt like I was being flattened by a bulldozer.  But I told myself I’ve had worst waves & I’d get through this one & I did.  . I think BWD would be so much more tolerable without stress. Just imagine.

 

Big love to you all.  You are all strong, stronger than strong. Stronger than the strongest metal. Remember that. Xx

[[De...]]

Haven't been on here much. I'm doing an online therapy course, involves positive talking and some meditation. Never been able to do it before, but finding can do this one. It does seem to be revving up symptoms a bit, but think it's because got bring thoughts to the surface first for them to dissapate. Now developed insomnia which is a real bummer. Only getting about 3 hours sleep, hoping will improve. Pretty gutted getting more symptoms this far out. Don't have thanksgiving here but hope you all had good time.

 

Leann this is fantastic news!  Not only have you found that you are able to do the course (a positive improvement) but bringing the emotions to the surface and dealing with them is so psychologically healthy!  And I want to give you a thought about the insomnia.  Personally I think  it is a GOOD sign that you have developed the insomnia right now...Let me put this in perspective: Of all my symptoms I consider my occasional bouts with insomnia to be a lower level symptom, one that is less severe than my others consisting of pain flares, fatigue, and physical inabilities.  This is because throughout this whole recovery I obviously have multiple bouts with stresses.  Each stress brings on some sort of symptom, and I have charted them.  I will have middle of the night awakenings with 1) plain old insomnia, 2) brief and fleeting pain flares/insomnia, 3) terrible pain flares, etc.  So when I experience plain old insomnia with no pain and just lie there (comfortably), I consider it a win! I know this sounds a bit crazy, but I think insomnia and tinnitus as remaining Sx are the kinds of symptoms that mean we are almost healed physically.  Just my crazy theory...I hope you (and others) don't take it the wrong way.  I am certainly not minimizing your distress...it is real and uncomfortable.  Just that you could look at it with a perspective of movement in healing 

[[La...]]

Haven't been on here much. I'm doing an online therapy course, involves positive talking and some meditation. Never been able to do it before, but finding can do this one. It does seem to be revving up symptoms a bit, but think it's because got bring thoughts to the surface first for them to dissapate. Now developed insomnia which is a real bummer. Only getting about 3 hours sleep, hoping will improve. Pretty gutted getting more symptoms this far out. Don't have thanksgiving here but hope you all had good time.

Good hearing from you Leann. Thanks for the update. My thanksgiving was as nice as it could be. Thank you. I’m glad to hear you’re getting therapy. I agree that you’ll be revved up from digging things out. This is a good thing and wil get easier with time. It won’t rev you after each session. Stick with it. Who knows this may be what kicks your healing into gear. I’m proud of you for doing this! Big hugssssss

[[La...]]

Hey everyone,

 

Dee: oh honey be good to yourself. It’s ok to feel emotional & teary. BWD is a wild roller coaster & you’re riding it so so well. 

 

LadyD: wahooo I’m super impressed you had dinner With  your family - go you! I love how you talk about windows & that you will have one tomorrow. Inspirational woman you.

 

GG: yep I get this.  I often go from runny tummy to constipation & round & round & back again. The other day my dr. Listened to my tummy & waa like “how can you have suppressed bowel sounds when you’re eating so much fibre?” I was like Benzo withdrawal that’s how.  Can you Tolerate acidophilus? I can sometimes tolerate the diary free one - sometimes not though.  This helps me with bloating.  Super impressed you downed spicy food - go you!

 

Leann: Wahoooo! Good on you for doing the course - well done.  Sleep will come again. The ups & downs of BWD will even out - you are healing.  Yep you are & doing well!

 

Today I was in a brutal ghastly wave.  I had to work so had to put one foot in front of the other.  I honestly felt like I was being flattened by a bulldozer.  But I told myself I’ve had worst waves & I’d get through this one & I did.  . I think BWD would be so much more tolerable without stress. Just imagine.

 

Big love to you all.  You are all strong, stronger than strong. Stronger than the strongest metal. Remember that. Xx

Hugs Bess. Yes it was nice to do that again. I’m going to start doing it more often to recondition myself like I did the last time. Maybe today I’ll get to go in the sun as well. Daughter and I plan on Xmas decorating the front door. When I get a window lol

You are very strong too. Sorry waves are kicking your butt but one thing about waves….they end! I agree if we didn’t have stress we’d do much better. Rest up sweet lady. Rest up!

[[Ga...]]

Well, my GI issues have settled down a bit, but I awoke with one of those level 10 headaches; this is and has always been my worst symptom, which periodically returns to torture me, but at least it comes less often and does not stay  as long.  I hate these headaches as they present as migraine, sinus, tension, etc, all of which really take me down the deep well of hell!

 

I am planning to deck my halls with boughs of holly as soon as my next window opens up....please be soon!!!

 

Hugs,

 

GG

 

 

[[La...]]

GG I feel bad for you sugar lumps! I get one of those bad headaches about once a week or two. I can tell as soon as I wake up that it’s arrived. Mine are pressured like with it centered around my sinuses but I don’t have a sinus infection, cold, nothing. Those headaches last me all day until I go to sleep. The next morning it’s gone as if it never happened. Crazy WD headaches. Ohhhh I hate them too. Guess you better just stay in the dark until it passes. Wow that sucks. Feel better sweetie.

Me and my daughter just finished the Xmas decor. I’m revved up with boatiness as usual when I do anything. But it was worth it. It’s very cute and cheered us both up. Sad we have have pay for doing the simplest things.

[[le...]]

Haven't been on here much. I'm doing an online therapy course, involves positive talking and some meditation. Never been able to do it before, but finding can do this one. It does seem to be revving up symptoms a bit, but think it's because got bring thoughts to the surface first for them to dissapate. Now developed insomnia which is a real bummer. Only getting about 3 hours sleep, hoping will improve. Pretty gutted getting more symptoms this far out. Don't have thanksgiving here but hope you all had good time.

Good hearing from you Leann. Thanks for the update. My thanksgiving was as nice as it could be. Thank you. I’m glad to hear you’re getting therapy. I agree that you’ll be revved up from digging things out. This is a good thing and wil get easier with time. It won’t rev you after each session. Stick with it. Who knows this may be what kicks your healing into gear. I’m proud of you for doing this! Big hugssssss

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Thanks feeling pretty rough at moment, quite intensive course  but have keep repeating positive things and bring up what the negative thoughts are. As you know positivity not my strong point but will keep trying, only been week so early days. I do like the guided meditation though. Just wish could get a window fir few hours. Thanksgiving sounds good. All we have is Christmas that I'm not big fan so commercial over here.🇬🇧

[[ka...]]

GG thinking of you KB