New 6-12 month buddy group

[[co...]]

You can check out Don Killian, Jennifer Leigh, Matt Samet ...just google their names. They have websites and Matt has a book. Raining33 on YouTube (chronicling his journey)... I also posted a link to a younger guy earlier in this thread. I'm sure some of the healed people who drop in now and again may reach out or one of the admins.

[[Kl...]]

Been in a wave now for a week, though I've had some windows in there too. My sleep got crappier again except yesterday when it was best I've slept. I've had nerve pain come back that was gone for approx 6-7 weeks. The windows I'm feeling close to 100%, sometimes most of the day other times a few hours. I've read that most setbacks happen in the first 10 months and that it's fairly common to get hit with a wave around this time period. I really hope this is the last big one, actually hours wise it's been up an uptick for close to 3 weeks, just especially so this past week.

 

The roller coaster is getting very tiring and I want to.get off and have just some time without sx. 3 days til 10th month... At times it feels like I'm about done then a 4 hour wave of nerve pain makes think it will never end..

 

I think approaching a new month makes it go slower, be glad to be past one more.

[[Pe...]]

Teegirl, thank you so much for your kind words. We're not alone we've got each other - right? I really appreciate the warm welcome from all of you guys. . It means the world. I'm going to try and figure out how to do a signature. I saw something about how to construct one, but it felt overwhelming because I don't remember how this all started. When my doctor responds, I'll be getting more thorough records, but records that fail to go back to the beginning for this has been going on longer than I was under her treatment. I especially appreciate the suggestions on testimonials. I'm going to check those out ASAP. Try and get some good sleep tonight all.

 

Much love and God bless!

 

 

[[Pe...]]

Colley, checked out those testimonies with my husband. Really appreciated Don Killian's testimony. I feel blessed in that I think I am doing a lot better than many folks I've heard about who were bedridden for a long time. Though, I know making comparisons isn't really fair, that some people suffer severely physically, while others more so mentally. I have those struggles too, but mostly it's the mental aspects that are so disarming to me. We can never truly know what's going on in someone else's skin, can we? I keep pushing forward I don't know if how hard I push myself does more harm than good. I really appreciate this forum. And to anyone out there that's struggling. I pray we're all able to lean into God's strength, knowing that He is a miracle working God. What scares me is why should I be so blessed, when I see others completely torn apart by life. I know that's not my business, and I don't want to be grateful by comparison, so I try to just find contentment when I can. With all the medicines I've been on for all these years, I just want to one day be able to encourage others with my testimony of restoration.

[[co...]]

Good on you for checking those out! They are helpful. And Don does Video updates of questions that are sent to him on a weekly basis. So, if you have questions, you can send them to him on his website and he will try to answer them in his video updates which he does once a week.

 

I'm struggling too. I'm not necessarily bed bound at this poiint but there are days when I just want to give up and I go lay in bed. All I want to do is get back to work but my mental symptoms are bad; specifically really bad depression and the anxiety that is ever present from not feeling well mentally. Of course the morning's are the worst and that just seems to carry on through the day until it's time for bed. The head pain that flares is just a reminder. And excruciating boredom is slowly killing me... if I don't start getting functional / productive soon, it certainly will.

 

I'm not looking forward to the next couple of days of rain that is coming where I live. It means that I will be stuck inside without the option to get out. I'll probably hit the gym but it's not enough anymore. I need to re-engage in life... as you were (possibly not as long), I was poly-drugged for about a year and a half before I figured out that the Benzo's were likely the culprit. In and out of withdrawal causing a whole bunch of mental challenges. Anyway, I'm trying some different supplements and seeing where that goes... many will not use supplements but I'm trying to do whatever I can to achieve some level of stability....

 

My stack as of today:

 

Vitamin C

B6 - P5P

B12

Fish Oil

Multi-Vitamin - Every couple of days

Lion's Mane (just started)

Gotu Kola (just started - don't care if it effects GABA)

Gingko (cycling this 2-3 weeks at a time)

Niacin and Lithium Orotate (whenever I think of it)

Going to try some Tryptophan again

...and I'm going to add Phosphatidylserine when I get it next week.

 

Anyway, lot's of supp's I know but again, been sitting around a long time (9 months) without a lot of success. So I started back up on the supplements a couple of weeks ago. Also trying to push through on a GAP / Candida diet.

 

Something has to give...

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

[[Pe...]]

Colley, I understand. I was a teacher, and a very successful one despite all of the medications I was on. I defined my life in large part by the work that I did. When I went off the benzos, I did so blindly. I was still teaching. If I couldn't do that, I just wanted to die, and I attempted to do just that. If I couldn't be successful in the world's eyes, I thought I was an absolute failure. He reminded me of a different truth, and reminds me often, sounds like you need some reminding. You are worth way more than the work that you do, and the bravery that you're showing in fighting this demon of an addiction is going to serve you in accomplishing whatever you set your mind to, but you've got to give your self a chance to heal. Believe me, I know how painful it is, but there will be windows and plenty of light will shine in. The supplements, I understand. I've been desperate with regards to my diet. I started Paleo and that helped, but now I'm on a candida cleanse, removing toxins from my body, making bone broth, trying to heal my gut. It's just anything to hold onto in believing for healing. And the gym sounds like a good option in the next couple of days. I do resistance bands at home and try to get out for hikes. Though some days that's excruciating. But we'll make it. I'm so grateful for this site.

 

I'll definitely check out his website. Being able to ask questions of someone who's been through, and been a part of others healing in that way is invaluable. Just seeing his testimony gives me something to hold on to. Mind you, I very well might need you to remind me of the same words I'm writing you in the near future. Until then, have a blessed evening.

[[co...]]

Thank you for the kind words.

 

This site is a mixed blessing. Yes, it can validate some of the symptoms you are having however, there are many threads I wish I had never read. That being said, it is a good resource for those trying to find some hope in recovery. And that's what I try to use it for. Plus I have very little to do most days and I come here... which is not really something I want to keep doing. I haven't been able to latch on to a hobby during all of this but I certainly need to do something.

 

On this site, I mostly stick to the success stories, alternative therapies, and this particular thread which is tough as well because most people on this thread are pretty functional and are working. I can still go out and do stuff so I'm functional in that regard but I'm having a hard time coping with stress or having a consistent amount of stable days where I can launch myself into life / job again... which is crazy because I used to thrive in a very stressful corporate environment managing an account portfolio of $50M+. Career is all I have except for my wife. All my friends work and most of them have families. Which my wife and I were working on until all this happened. So this whole thing is just the hardest thing in the world for me to accept at this point... I know everyone is struggling in their own way - I tend to vent a little more than I probably should. Anyway, enjoy your evening.

 

[[Re...]]

Thank you for the kind words.

 

This site is a mixed blessing. Yes, it can validate some of the symptoms you are having however, there are many threads I wish I had never read. That being said, it is a good resource for those trying to find some hope in recovery. And that's what I try to use it for. Plus I have very little to do most days and I come here... which is not really something I want to keep doing. I haven't been able to latch on to a hobby during all of this but I certainly need to do something.

 

On this site, I mostly stick to the success stories, alternative therapies, and this particular thread which is tough as well because most people on this thread are pretty functional and are working. I can still go out and do stuff so I'm functional in that regard but I'm having a hard time coping with stress or having a consistent amount of stable days where I can launch myself into life / job again... which is crazy because I used to thrive in a very stressful corporate environment managing an account portfolio of $50M+. Career is all I have except for my wife. All my friends work and most of them have families. Which my wife and I were working on until all this happened. So this whole thing is just the hardest thing in the world for me to accept at this point... I know everyone is struggling in their own way - I tend to vent a little more than I probably should. Anyway, enjoy your evening.

 

Yeah i have always avoided the negative stories on here. Wise words colley

[[Pe...]]

Morning Colley, I know mornings are hard. My husband tells me every morning how proud he is of me. Most days I feel pretty worthless, and can't fathom why he'd be proud of me. But it always makes me feel a little better. But it's true and going through all of this it's something I think we all need a daily reminder of, and that's that what we're doing is admirable, it's brave, beyond brave, it's courageous, it's the stuff of super heroes, and every day is a day to be proud of surviving. We can do this. We will do it, and eventually we will be fierce. I lean it to that. It's easier to be encouraging to others than it is to ourselves. And it's easier to hear encouragement from strangers than the ones that we love the most sometimes. So I hope that means something.

 

 

[[Kl...]]

Hey buddies,

my 9 month update:

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=183285.0

 

Cheers

[[Fa...]]

Hi Klungo,

Thanks a lot for the updates. It is great news that the baseline improves over time. Very happy to hear that! 

 

Did any sx diappear completely over the last 3 months?

Did you experience new sxs? 

 

Warm regards,

FS

 

[[co...]]

Good to hear Klungo... hope everything gets better for you from here.

[[Kl...]]

Hi Klungo,

Thanks a lot for the updates. It is great news that the baseline improves over time. Very happy to hear that! 

 

Did any sx diappear completely over the last 3 months?

Did you experience new sxs? 

 

Warm regards,

FS

 

 

DR completely gone I think

Body tingles, vibrations

Hyperacousis 99% gone

Tinnitus a lot better

Head pressure

Nausea

 

Maybe something else, I'd have to look back

Other stuff slowly declining

 

I think the malaise sickly.stuff started in this time period unfortunately.. the most problematic sz I have at the moment. Stops me from feeling good consistently. Also the fatigue really started around 6 - 7 months. I was riding 10-15 miles a day before that and was fine.

 

[[co...]]

PeCv: Just wondering if you had any success with Lamictal? I'm trying at a low dosage 25 mg for a period of time. I'm pretty desperate at this point so as a last ditch effort to stabilize my depression. Last thing I want to do... don't have a choice at this point.

[[Pe...]]

Colley, I honestly can't say. I'd been on a whole slew of medicines for so long to no avail. And I was never on Lamictal alone. So that makes it difficult to gauge and give an objective opinion. I was on it in conjunction with Seroquel, Trazedone, and Klonopin. For me in all the years taking medications, I didn't experience any relief. I just got really lost. lost. Have you ever checked out Mad In America's YouTube Channel? Personally, I don't trust psychiatric drugs. I can empathize with how difficult and desperate this process is, you can see my signature line and know that's true. I'm looking for a fix and, and I'm impatient for one. Where that's led me is looking into candida and leaky gut. It might be worth checking out. For me, knowing my medical history and having talked with folks who have struggled with similar insults to their system as myself, it seems to make sense. Nowadays, I tend to think about holistic approaches to treatment, a systematic approach, rather than throwing quick fixes, though I know for some, as was true for myself for a long time, a quick fix seemed necessary. Have you ever heard of PointofReturn? I didn't buy their supplements, but I spoke with their founder, and she was the one who pointed me in the direction of healing my gut. I think it was a divine in nature, but she was the conduit. After speaking with her, I've spoken extensively with various integrative and functional medicine practices, who suggest healing starting with healing the gut. If you look at the gut-brain connection, maybe you'll find something that would prove helpful to you. I hope so, but I know we're all different. Do you have access to a functional medicine or integrative medicine practitioner? Search for them in your area online. And just talk with them, I've called and asked throughout the US, never paid a penny, and now I'm doing the cleanse and leaky gut healing at home with my kitchen serving as a science laboratory. I'll keep you posted on my progress, I pray you can find some meaningful relief. Just check out PointofReturn, candida, leaky gut, and let me know what you think. I'm so sorry your suffering, know you're not alone, and that your courage in fighting is inspiring to so many including myself.

 

Take care.

[[Kl...]]

How is everyone doing?

[[co...]]

Depression really struck home for me today...I knew as soon as I woke up that today was going to be brutal. In fact as soon as I realized it was going to rain last night... I thought oh sh*t here we go... nothing to do and it's going to rain. I'm f*cked. And f*cked I have been since my morning internal benzo alarm clock time which is between 5-6am. A mixture of boredom and my lack of progression forwards mentally.

 

I started Lamictal 5 days ago... had a couple of good days. But today is just absolutely terrible. I'm going to titrate up until I either get better or completely implode. Have to move forward or die trying at this point.... today I didn't try at all. Tomorrow will hopefully be different.

 

Hope everyone had / has a much better day than I did....

 

 

[[Co...]]

Hey there, Buddies! 

 

I'm about a week away from my official six month anniversary off K!  I have to say the best thing about that is, well, it's six months I'll never have to go through again.  I have to admit, I thought I'd be recovered or mostly recovered by now, as many of us believe in the early days.  I've been researching recovery times for a variety of brain injuries - from concussions to alcohol damage, and most of what I read (and understand) is that is takes about a year to see measurable improvements in cognitive abilities.  So I guess, it stands to reason that benzo recovery will fall along the same sort of trajectory. 

 

I think it's also reasonable to believe that there are steady improvements all along the way, even those that we can measure.  So I'm very optimistic, and hope to be noticing those improvements here in the 6-12 month stretch. 

 

Here in the trenches though, things are still pretty crappy.  All of the sxs are still there, although many are greatly improved over those early months of acute.  Physical sxs come and go and are mostly just bothersome now.  I thought I'd seen the last of the muscle/joint pain weeks ago, but it's just returned recently, mostly concentrated in my neck and right hip.  I can't turn my head more than a couple inches, and walking is painful.  So things like that still come and go.

 

The emotional/mental sxs are still very bad.  Depression is still crushing - that's the worst.  But anxiety, DP/DR, sense of impending doom/dread...all of that still combines to make life fairly miserable.  I am sleeping well enough most nights though, with the help of l-tryptophan and melatonin - that's wonderful for me. 

 

Overall, I'm optimistic.  Even though much of the time my thoughts and feelings are so mired in fear... I know somewhere deep inside that I'm going to get better.  I just know it.  And I'm so glad I'm six months closer.  I'm also so glad to know all of you on this thread, marking the trail ahead of me. 

 

CH

[[Re...]]

Hey there, Buddies! 

 

I'm about a week away from my official six month anniversary off K!  I have to say the best thing about that is, well, it's six months I'll never have to go through again.  I have to admit, I thought I'd be recovered or mostly recovered by now, as many of us believe in the early days.  I've been researching recovery times for a variety of brain injuries - from concussions to alcohol damage, and most of what I read (and understand) is that is takes about a year to see measurable improvements in cognitive abilities.  So I guess, it stands to reason that benzo recovery will fall along the same sort of trajectory. 

 

I think it's also reasonable to believe that there are steady improvements all along the way, even those that we can measure.  So I'm very optimistic, and hope to be noticing those improvements here in the 6-12 month stretch. 

 

Here in the trenches though, things are still pretty crappy.  All of the sxs are still there, although many are greatly improved over those early months of acute.  Physical sxs come and go and are mostly just bothersome now.  I thought I'd seen the last of the muscle/joint pain weeks ago, but it's just returned recently, mostly concentrated in my neck and right hip.  I can't turn my head more than a couple inches, and walking is painful.  So things like that still come and go.

 

The emotional/mental sxs are still very bad.  Depression is still crushing - that's the worst.  But anxiety, DP/DR, sense of impending doom/dread...all of that still combines to make life fairly miserable.  I am sleeping well enough most nights though, with the help of l-tryptophan and melatonin - that's wonderful for me. 

 

Overall, I'm optimistic.  Even though much of the time my thoughts and feelings are so mired in fear... I know somewhere deep inside that I'm going to get better.  I just know it.  And I'm so glad I'm six months closer.  I'm also so glad to know all of you on this thread, marking the trail ahead of me. 

 

CH

 

I concur with this statement . I didnt have any measurable improvements till month 11. I mean i could finally sleep at month 7 but besides that it was pure hell almost constantly.

[[Kl...]]

It seems that a lot of people seem to start seeing big improvements around 9.5 - 10.5 months. Remy that's at least good to hear. I do get more times feeling better but the waves are still rough, and I'm not far from month 11, well it feels far still, almost 4 weeks.

[[te...]]

hi all, i am 8 months off tomorrow. right this moment, i am feeling a bit blue, but overall i have good news for you because i have been doing so much better. i have noticed little improvements... the pressure and weird sensations in my head have continued to fade so they are even more gentle/faint... when i feel depressed or sad, it is at a more of a normal level... after i go for a walk, i have a lot less of the muscle twitches in my legs... my sleep is still broken but there have been a couple of nights i slept until 6am instead of waking up at 4 or 5am like usual... everything is so gradual, so incremental that it is hard to pinpoint, but those are some of the things i can think of. also, i have been under stress because my daughter is having health issues and i've been taking her to doctor after doctor, but have been managing to get through. i still feel very uncertain about the future and emotionally shaky, but i am getting through the days and know that i'm healing. positive thinking has never been a strength of mine... i've always been a "prepare for the worst" type person... but clearly my body and brain know how to heal anyway and for that i am so thankful. hope this encourages you. one day we WILL be free!

[[Co...]]

hi all, i am 8 months off tomorrow. right this moment, i am feeling a bit blue, but overall i have good news for you because i have been doing so much better. i have noticed little improvements... the pressure and weird sensations in my head have continued to fade so they are even more gentle/faint... when i feel depressed or sad, it is at a more of a normal level... after i go for a walk, i have a lot less of the muscle twitches in my legs... my sleep is still broken but there have been a couple of nights i slept until 6am instead of waking up at 4 or 5am like usual... everything is so gradual, so incremental that it is hard to pinpoint, but those are some of the things i can think of. also, i have been under stress because my daughter is having health issues and i've been taking her to doctor after doctor, but have been managing to get through. i still feel very uncertain about the future and emotionally shaky, but i am getting through the days and know that i'm healing. positive thinking has never been a strength of mine... i've always been a "prepare for the worst" type person... but clearly my body and brain know how to heal anyway and for that i am so thankful. hope this encourages you. one day we WILL be free!

 

That's exactly how it goes, I think.  At least for most people - so gradual it's hard to see it right away.  I was saying I don't see improvements in days or weeks, but I see it in months... but now it's more like I can see improvements after about three months.  I believe there's just so very much going on under the surface.  Can you imagine how many millions of synapses have to be healed for even one twitching muscle to stop?  It's really miraculous.  I just wish that healing happened as quickly as the physical dependence and damage does. 

 

Klungo, you're just an overachiever!  9.5 months instead of 11!  woo hoo!  just kidding, my friend - I think your

 

progress is awesome.

 

Colley, I meant to comment earlier on your post.  Good on you for trying the lamictal.  People seem to have fairly good luck with that one.  If it's like most ADs it takes weeks not days to see some results.  I wish you well with it - I know you're doing what's best for you.  Honestly, I'd go back on an AD for this depression, but I'm just too afraid in my case.  I've been on and off them so many times, I'm afraid of kindling again.  I've been off Paxil 18 months and still not recovered from that.  And I was just having really bad side effects from them after so many years - in my case, they really altered my personality over time.  But you've got to do all you can to take care of yourself.  Let us know how it's going for you.   

[[Bu...]]

So glad to see this thread-I totally forgot about it.  I'm 9 months off and have some really good days but, still get hammered with big waves at times-seemingly out of the blue.  However, I couldn't sleep last night, and I think it was probably from being revved up from overdoing things for a couple of days.  Today the anxiety, fear, physical pains, exhaustion are all back in force...ugh   Does anyone else find their withdrawal symptoms get a lot worse after overdoing things? 

 

teegirl:  I hope your daughter feels better soon.  My oldest son is going through a very rough time and we are doing our best to help him.

 

ComingHome:  Here's to hoping we see some good improvements around the year mark-it would be so welcome.

 

Thanks again for this thread.

[[Kl...]]

Burned out, you and I are a week apart. I've also been having some really good days but also horrible waves especially the last 2 1/2 weeks. Mostly pain which had mostly gone away for almost 2 months. Yesterday I had 5 hours of 100% then the rest of the day was awful. I woke up to more pain but once I got up it went away and feel really good again. The up and down is so exhausting mentally and emotionally, I'm in tears one min then laughing and joking the next.

 

How much is too much, I don't even know at this point. I'll go run and feel good, another day I don't do anything and feel crappy. No idea what if anything is causing it or if it's just going to happen anyway. Trying a different approach today on food to see if anything there is affecting me.

 

Wishing you a good day!

[[Bu...]]

Thanks Klungo!  I am feeling a lot like you are and I'm just hanging on to the up and down rollercoaster for sure.  "...tears one min then laughing and joking the next...yes    I know we are all healing but, this non-linear type of healing is challenging to say the least.

 

Wishing you, (and everyone) a good day, too