New 6-12 month buddy group

[[Kl...]]

I did remote for a while then attempted to work in office from month 4 - 7.5 but it was so rough and constantly had to leave because I felt so bad. Currently off work again on leave and feeling a lot better already. I'm hoping in one more month I will be well enough to go back. I want to be able to do a.proper work day and be relied on.

[[te...]]

T - Too early to tell. Still having bad days. I don't want to be on the lamictal for a long time but if it helps me to function then that will be enough. Seeing an Endocrinologist today... first appointment so I don't expect much except an order for a bunch of blood work. I just really want to make sure that there isn't any hormonal or thyroid challenges. I'm sure I have adrenal fatigue and I've been on Testosterone therapy since January as my levels were super low. I'd rather have a specialist check up on these things rather than my GP. I'm sure everything will come back fine... which will suck.

 

Colley,

 

If everything comes back fine, that's good news!!  You WILL HEAL from using benzos. There are many disorders that could be permanent!

 

i had exactly the same thought. if everything comes back fine, that will be great news and a huge blessing... the last thing you want is to have other health issues... withdrawal is hard enough without having other health issues to deal with...

[[te...]]

klungo and locutus, so glad you guys are able to work remotely and/or take time off. i'm so glad you have that kind of flexibility, that's amazing.

[[Kl...]]

My work.has been amazing. The insurance company not so much. They denied my 2nd month because they claimed the info was observation by my therapist and not clinical. I have to appeal now. Fortunately I have a month of PTO so it will get me to 10+ months anyway and if the appeal is good I will get it back. Worst case I take a month or two unpaid after if I find it necessary. Hopefully not!

[[co...]]

Yes I agree... I thought about that a little more. I just wish I had something else that didn't have to do with my brain. Because I'm still not absolutely sure it's all related to Benzo withdrawal at this point. And I so desperately want / need to get back to work. I guess more so, I'm just desperate to not feel the despair of depression.

[[Co...]]

Hey guys - MY SIXTH MONTH UPDATE

 

 

I'm finally at the six month mark - or was at some point this past week.  I've been meaning to write a six month update, but haven't had the energy to get my thoughts together.  I was also waiting and hoping I'd feel well enough one day this week to write something a little more positive for the Celebrations thread, but couldn't really muster up a celebration, so I'll just stick it here on our cozy little thread. 

 

I'm seeing a very gradual improvement in my baseline.  My sleep is good - that's huge - I use l-tryptophan and melatonin.  DP/DR getting better - hard to define, just less nightmarish. 

 

I don't get real windows... mostly now I'm noticing waves when things are worse, but no real windows.  Physical sxs come and go and vary in intensity from day to day.  Things that were gone pop back up, some things are improving, and some things are just trucking along with no change. 

 

I'm noticing specific food sensitivities - ate a lot of sunflower seeds today and had massive anxiety attack.  Googled it, and found that sunflower seeds are loaded with glutamate.  Having enough improvement to notice a reaction (instead of solid rock-bottom misery all the time) is a good sign, I think. 

 

Depression and anxiety, colored by DP/DR are still the most challenging symptoms.  It's definitely becoming a mental battle for me. 

 

Brain fog is still significant - I really have trouble functioning at work some days, and make unbelievably stupid mistakes.  Some days it will lift a bit, and I'll try to cram in a couple projects.  This sx is frightening, or would be if I didn't know that it gets better. 

 

Overall, I'd say I'm seeing improvement, but nothing close to where I thought I'd be by now, so I'm sort of hunkering down to wait this out.  It's just slow and exhausting right now, and the depression has taken the stuffing outta me. 

[[Kl...]]

I don't know that anything I can tell you will help, but a routine does help. It's boring but if the days go quicker you focus a little less on how bad things are. I get up, have a bath, meditate, get breakfast, go for a walk / run and listen to podcasts, then it's almost lunch time, get lunch, go for a ride on my bike, try to find an excuse to get out and go drive somewhere. I spend a lot of time in the bath or hot tub.. but before you know it the day is almost done, spend time with my fiance and when I do that I rarely think about this.

 

Don't get me wrong I'm so sick of this and counting days but it works. I'm just a few days from 9 1/2 months now and 2 weeks ago I was stressing thinking how far off 10 months is and I'm.close to halfway now. Starting to gets a bit more motivated to do things now. I know the depression makes it worse and hard to move yourself. This is the biggest challenge we will face for sure but we made it this far, it's got to be over soon!

[[Kl...]]

Hey guys - MY SIXTH MONTH UPDATE

 

 

I'm finally at the six month mark - or was at some point this past week.  I've been meaning to write a six month update, but haven't had the energy to get my thoughts together.  I was also waiting and hoping I'd feel well enough one day this week to write something a little more positive for the Celebrations thread, but couldn't really muster up a celebration, so I'll just stick it here on our cozy little thread. 

 

I'm seeing a very gradual improvement in my baseline.  My sleep is good - that's huge - I use l-tryptophan and melatonin.  DP/DR getting better - hard to define, just less nightmarish. 

 

I don't get real windows... mostly now I'm noticing waves when things are worse, but no real windows.  Physical sxs come and go and vary in intensity from day to day.  Things that were gone pop back up, some things are improving, and some things are just trucking along with no change. 

 

I'm noticing specific food sensitivities - ate a lot of sunflower seeds today and had massive anxiety attack.  Googled it, and found that sunflower seeds are loaded with glutamate.  Having enough improvement to notice a reaction (instead of solid rock-bottom misery all the time) is a good sign, I think. 

 

Depression and anxiety, colored by DP/DR are still the most challenging symptoms.  It's definitely becoming a mental battle for me. 

 

Brain fog is still significant - I really have trouble functioning at work some days, and make unbelievably stupid mistakes.  Some days it will lift a bit, and I'll try to cram in a couple projects.  This sx is frightening, or would be if I didn't know that it gets better. 

 

Overall, I'd say I'm seeing improvement, but nothing close to where I thought I'd be by now, so I'm sort of hunkering down to wait this out.  It's just slow and exhausting right now, and the depression has taken the stuffing outta me.

 

Congrats on 6 months! The fact you can manage at work is huge however hard it is. Keep on fighting!

[[wa...]]

congrats klungo on 6 months -- this is hard and unbelievable - W

[[Kl...]]

congrats klungo on 6 months -- this is hard and unbelievable - W

 

It's actually ComingHome's 6 month 

 

You and I and close to the same jump date.

[[co...]]

Congratulations coming home! Such a journey this is... soldier on as we must do. I wonder if pumpkin seeds are just as bad?

[[wa...]]

congrats klungo on 6 months -- this is hard and unbelievable - W

 

It's actually ComingHome's 6 month 

 

You and I and close to the same jump date.

Hah - my benzo brain is really showing.  Congrats all around then.  We're here, aren't we? 

My ticker was stuck for weeks and I didn't even notice.  WBB

[[Kl...]]

So you are 9 months not 6 then?

 

How are things for you? What sx do you have and how close do you feel you are to being healed?

[[wa...]]

Yeah, I am almost 9.  I was 6 for a long time.  I think I wasn't paying attention to the ticker -- I was just struggling day to day.  Finally coming out of the gin and tonic wave.  Cannot believe the damage from the "benign" z drug.  WBB

[[Re...]]

Yeah, I am almost 9.  I was 6 for a long time.  I think I wasn't paying attention to the ticker -- I was just struggling day to day.  Finally coming out of the gin and tonic wave.  Cannot believe the damage from the "benign" z drug.  WBB

 

Sorry to hear about your setback wannabebetter, at least your finally coming out of it though. Keep your head up pup

[[Kl...]]

Me neither, Ambien for me. Thanking my Dr every day..

[[te...]]

Hey guys - MY SIXTH MONTH UPDATE

 

 

I'm finally at the six month mark - or was at some point this past week.  I've been meaning to write a six month update, but haven't had the energy to get my thoughts together.  I was also waiting and hoping I'd feel well enough one day this week to write something a little more positive for the Celebrations thread, but couldn't really muster up a celebration, so I'll just stick it here on our cozy little thread. 

 

I'm seeing a very gradual improvement in my baseline.  My sleep is good - that's huge - I use l-tryptophan and melatonin.  DP/DR getting better - hard to define, just less nightmarish. 

 

I don't get real windows... mostly now I'm noticing waves when things are worse, but no real windows.  Physical sxs come and go and vary in intensity from day to day.  Things that were gone pop back up, some things are improving, and some things are just trucking along with no change. 

 

I'm noticing specific food sensitivities - ate a lot of sunflower seeds today and had massive anxiety attack.  Googled it, and found that sunflower seeds are loaded with glutamate.  Having enough improvement to notice a reaction (instead of solid rock-bottom misery all the time) is a good sign, I think. 

 

Depression and anxiety, colored by DP/DR are still the most challenging symptoms.  It's definitely becoming a mental battle for me. 

 

Brain fog is still significant - I really have trouble functioning at work some days, and make unbelievably stupid mistakes.  Some days it will lift a bit, and I'll try to cram in a couple projects.  This sx is frightening, or would be if I didn't know that it gets better. 

 

Overall, I'd say I'm seeing improvement, but nothing close to where I thought I'd be by now, so I'm sort of hunkering down to wait this out.  It's just slow and exhausting right now, and the depression has taken the stuffing outta me.

 

oh ComingHome, a huge congratulations to you and sending you many many hugs. it's totally okay that you don't feel celebratory... i didn't either at 6 months... at 6 months the terrible depression faded away for me... really hope yours lifts soon... it's a chemical depression that hangs over like a cloud, but i promise you the sun is still there, you just have a cloud at the moment...

 

that is so tremendous that you are noticing that your baseline is improving and that you are coming out of the nightmarish phase... it will continue to get better and better

 

i am feeling discouraged today because i had an eye exam yesterday and i was nervous about letting them dilate my eyes and examine me, but i decided to be brave and do it... last night i had a much harder time falling asleep and my sleep was very light and broken... so i woke up feeling scared and upset and praying to God for the strength to get out of bed and live another day. the healing process is so long, it is easy to get down, but we must keep going. so thankful we all have each other to lean on for support as we slog through.

 

 

[[te...]]

I don't know that anything I can tell you will help, but a routine does help. It's boring but if the days go quicker you focus a little less on how bad things are. I get up, have a bath, meditate, get breakfast, go for a walk / run and listen to podcasts, then it's almost lunch time, get lunch, go for a ride on my bike, try to find an excuse to get out and go drive somewhere. I spend a lot of time in the bath or hot tub.. but before you know it the day is almost done, spend time with my fiance and when I do that I rarely think about this.

 

Don't get me wrong I'm so sick of this and counting days but it works. I'm just a few days from 9 1/2 months now and 2 weeks ago I was stressing thinking how far off 10 months is and I'm.close to halfway now. Starting to gets a bit more motivated to do things now. I know the depression makes it worse and hard to move yourself. This is the biggest challenge we will face for sure but we made it this far, it's got to be over soon!

 

colley, i second this suggestion from klungo... i too have a routine that i follow every day and it really helps me get through the day... please try it... it really helps to keep going when your mind is in distress...

[[Fa...]]

Hello buddies,

I would like to share with you my 6-month update:

 

My story started in 2010 with what I would call a short ‘sleep of the reason’…just for 1 second! I took the wrong decision to start Temazepam (sporadically, at night only) for severe anxiety-induced insomnia.

After 6 years of intermittent use...guess what happened? Kindling and tolerance gradually occurred...and 6 months ago I entered w/d from the most addictive most dangerous substance in the world. I could never ever imagine that such nightmare is possible...let’s not say that it will happen to me. From a healthy person who never used any medication I’ve turned into a living shell. Thanks to this site and the wonderful community, I survived the 24/7 horror of tapering. Here I am stronger, calmer and wiser than ever. There is no way to get out from this horrendous experience other than fighting one day at a time. Benzos w/d is a lonely journey - family and friends can't truly understand that. Patience and perseverance are the only companion...

 

The first 2 months were quite rough though I did not experience a truly acute w/d phase. In the 3rd month I turned a corner having only 4 short waves over the whole month. Since then, I experience an every-other-day pattern of sxs. I enjoy nice day-long windows when I feel 95-100% recovered alternating with wicked waves. In the last 3-4 weeks I noticed that the sxs diminished in number (20 sxs after jumping to 5 sxs), duration (days to hours) and intensity (mostly tolerable now). My main sxs are extreme fatigue, anxiety, tachycardia and incidental burning skin. Because insomnia was really insane...during tapering I was put on Mirtazapine 3.75mg. I know this is no ideal solution but Mirtazapine really saved my life. Sleeping 6-7 hours/ night definitely improved my baseline. The next step will be to taper/ stop it.

 

Thank you all for your thoughtful and compassionate support. Benzos w/d is unfortunately not our choice...but RECOVERY IS.

I wish you a calm and peaceful weekend...and lots of healing!

FS

[[Co...]]

Thanks Teegirl! 

 

Colley, yes, pumpkin seeds are very high in glutamate!  I'm reading about this-apparently much of what I eat is high in glutamate.

 

Do any of you know much about this?  Any recommendations?  I'm hoping I haven't been making WD worse or slowing down my recovery. I eat a lot of nuts... I also think my protein shake is a problem. Yikes

[[Co...]]

Falling star, what a great update!  Slow and steady progress, even though I know the waves are discouraging.

 

Your history is almost identical to mine except that my doctor, in her infinite wisdom, switched me over to Klonopin and quadrupled the dose. 

 

Your calm and positive nature are serving you well in getting through this. 

[[te...]]

Hello buddies,

I would like to share with you my 6-month update:

 

My story started in 2010 with what I would call a short ‘sleep of the reason’…just for 1 second! I took the wrong decision to start Temazepam (sporadically, at night only) for severe anxiety-induced insomnia.

After 6 years of intermittent use...guess what happened? Kindling and tolerance gradually occurred...and 6 months ago I entered w/d from the most addictive most dangerous substance in the world. I could never ever imagine that such nightmare is possible...let’s not say that it will happen to me. From a healthy person who never used any medication I’ve turned into a living shell. Thanks to this site and the wonderful community, I survived the 24/7 horror of tapering. Here I am stronger, calmer and wiser than ever. There is no way to get out from this horrendous experience other than fighting one day at a time. Benzos w/d is a lonely journey - family and friends can't truly understand that. Patience and perseverance are the only companion...

 

The first 2 months were quite rough though I did not experience a truly acute w/d phase. In the 3rd month I turned a corner having only 4 short waves over the whole month. Since then, I experience an every-other-day pattern of sxs. I enjoy nice day-long windows when I feel 95-100% recovered alternating with wicked waves. In the last 3-4 weeks I noticed that the sxs diminished in number (20 sxs after jumping to 5 sxs), duration (days to hours) and intensity (mostly tolerable now). My main sxs are extreme fatigue, anxiety, tachycardia and incidental burning skin. Because insomnia was really insane...during tapering I was put on Mirtazapine 3.75mg. I know this is no ideal solution but Mirtazapine really saved my life. Sleeping 6-7 hours/ night definitely improved my baseline. The next step will be to taper/ stop it.

 

Thank you all for your thoughtful and compassionate support. Benzos w/d is unfortunately not our choice...but RECOVERY IS.

I wish you a calm and peaceful weekend...and lots of healing!

FS

 

huge congrats to you Fallingstar! glad you can look back and see so much improvement. best wishes for continued healing 

[[co...]]

Any of you guys still having head pain / tension in your head? This symptom seems to come and go which triggers a whole bunch of other symptoms for me.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

[[Kl...]]

Haven't really had that at all. I had head pressure a few months back but it's been a while. When the nerve pain stuff hits me my whole body feels crappy though and can't think straight.

[[te...]]

hi colley, i've had head pain/pressure throughout w/d but it has gotten a lot better. i still have it sometimes but it is very mild and tolerable. hope it gets better for you...