Deep thought on Sobriety & life

[[Ja...]]

Anybody been in a position when you’ve been literally on some sort of drug your whole life,.you know the story,.starts with weed,drink,party drugs at weekends,.downers introduced,.bad life events# anti ds/Valium,.smoking weed again on top,I had breaks here and there when I discovered the gym,.that lead to gym juice abuse while still on anti ds,.Valium for sleep,.a short stat at hmp ripped me of it all apart from an anti d,.came out and hit the weed for the crap feeling on anti ds,.hit by another life avent,.mood stabilisers introduced with anti ds,still smoking weed,.got fed up feeling zombified,.had a horrid taper and inviting in benzos again,.start of this year I decided I wanted to see who was underneath the years of substance abuse,.and honestly the closer I get to sobriety even without the tapper,.the thoughts of it is a big hurdle itself,.I self medicating most my life for reasons that I don’t know I want to face,,add this crap tapper and invited more suffering in,..man today I’m just thinking why am I really doing this to myself,is life no hard enough without more suffering,.I feel I’ve had my fill allready,.I’ve come a long way as well but yea I could go back or forward right now.

[[Le...]]

I can say that the things that are so troubling and you have extreme reactions to while using are often easy to deal with after thinking right. it maybe not so hard once you get there 

[[Ma...]]

I’m sure you are absolutely not alone and this self reflection is very important. Not alone in any fashion. Please don’t beat yourself up-you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

A lot of people, coaches say healing from benzos is like a re-birth, a coming out of an abyss and into a world of brilliant color and joy. A resurrection of sorts. I choose to believe them.

You might want to read Matt Samet’s story on Mad in America, or you can probably Google it.

Have you considered finding a therapist to help you sort out your feelings/thoughts and support you moving forward? Mine has become invaluable.

[[Ja...]]

Sorry if I come across negative there, for for other folk going through the tapper,its just been a day of deep thought about my situation : )

[[jo...]]

I can relate, self medicating has been a big part of my life. I am determined to find other ways. This is not the answer! This is all a huge lesson learned thats for sure.

[[Le...]]

we are here to help pull ya out of these ruts. all been there. dont worry about it. the effect is a drop in the bucket for most people here. 

Edited May 5 by [Le...]
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[[Ja...]]

9 minutes ago, [[M...] said:

I’m sure you are absolutely not alone and this self reflection is very important. Not alone in any fashion. Please don’t beat yourself up-you did the best you could with the information you had at the time.

A lot of people, coaches say healing from benzos is like a re-birth, a coming out of an abyss and into a world of brilliant color and joy. A resurrection of sorts. I choose to believe them.

You might want to read Matt Samet’s story on Mad in America, or you can probably Google it.

Have you considered finding a therapist to help you sort out your feelings/thoughts and support you moving forward? Mine has become invaluable.

Yea I totally get that Mary, and in many ways,especially over the last few year the change allready started,.reason being I stripped everything away,.as drugs don’t sit well with your soul,this is the last 1 I don’t even take pain killers,.just a bit of reality testing me I think pal

[[Ma...]]

Keep going and see where it leads you…

I would suspect to a pretty amazing place with clarity, humility and unknown authentic joy!

I think few are offered such a rewarding journey ❤️‍🩹

[[Ja...]]

8 minutes ago, [[j...] said:

I can relate, self medicating has been a big part of my life. I am determined to find other ways. This is not the answer! This is all a huge lesson learned thats for sure.

That’s how I’ve been pushing on to pal,I’m a big reader on self healing,healthy living and practice it to an extent,.just the crap of this carry on giving me a wobble.

[[jo...]]

1 minute ago, [[J...] said:

That’s how I’ve been pushing on to pal,I’m a big reader on self healing,healthy living and practice it to an extent,.just the crap of this carry on giving me a wobble.

Dont worry were all having a wobble on here 

[[PE...]]

Been there done it. I had some fun on drugs but the hangover isn't worth it. Alcohol included.

I think reflecting about all that is moving forward from it. 

There are no real quick path ways for learning and  living a truthful life imo. May it be gym juice or mdma. 

 

Edited May 5 by [PE...]

[[PE...]]

1 minute ago, [[P...] said:

Been there done it. I had some fun on drugs but the hangover isn't worth it. Alcohol included.

I think reflecting about all that is moving forward from it. 

There are no real quick path ways for learning and  living a truthful life imo. May it be gym juice or mdma. 

 

I mean it's healthy to reflect as you do

 

 

[[Ja...]]

42 minutes ago, [[L...] said:

I can say that the things that are so troubling and you have extreme reactions to while using are often easy to deal with after thinking right. it maybe not so hard once you get there 

That’s it bud,.as your head gets straighter it’s so easy to run back over stuff,.benzos etc etc are just a getaway,I don’t actually think benzos ever really put you in a good place,and can depress you,or that’s how I starting feeling on it.

[[Ja...]]

6 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Been there done it. I had some fun on drugs but the hangover isn't worth it. Alcohol included.

I think reflecting about all that is moving forward from it. 

There are no real quick path ways for learning and  living a truthful life imo. May it be gym juice or mdma. 

That’s it’s peppe,.if you’ve been there you get sick fed up over and over,I think we all want whatever the Norm life is deep inside,.and there’s no fun in benzos,.The benefit of living a bit care free for a while was the attraction with them,.but yea I think there bad for setting of depressions,as they slow the brain activity,.basically drink in a pill form.

[[PE...]]

Absolutely no fun at all. And I really didn't need them. Doc subscribed and i opened my mouth. Stupid mistake but i have learned alot from it.

[[PE...]]

Just now, [[P...] said:

Absolutely no fun at all. And I really didn't need them. Doc subscribed and i opened my mouth. Stupid mistake but i have learned alot from it.

All this is a test and personal journey. 

[[Ja...]]

1 minute ago, [[P...] said:

All this is a test and personal journey. 

%100 man, in march i tapperd way to quick with inpatience down to 2.5 mg a night,I know mad!,.but was soldiering on even though barley sleeping,I was looking after somebody’s horse daily,.i reinstated but before I did I stared looking and feeling an old version of myself now and again  I hadn’t felt like in years,.like looking into your own eyes again,.it was definitely enlightening to keep going bud

[[PE...]]

5 minutes ago, [[J...] said:

%100 man, in march i tapperd way to quick with inpatience down to 2.5 mg a night,I know mad!,.but was soldiering on even though barley sleeping,I was looking after somebody’s horse daily,.i reinstated but before I did I stared looking and feeling an old version of myself now and again  I hadn’t felt like in years,.like looking into your own eyes again,.it was definitely enlightening to keep going bud

Congratulations! I did a ct so can't really criticisise your fast taper lol. Intense experience. 

i know the feeling by looking in the mirror and seing a old friend looking back. It's nice..

Having animals around when healing must be super. 

keep up the good work buddy :)))

[[Ja...]]

2 minutes ago, [[P...] said:

Congratulations! I did a ct so can't really criticisise your fast taper lol. Intense experience. 

i know the feeling by looking in the mirror and seing a old friend looking back. It's nice..

Having animals around when healing must be super. 

keep up the good work buddy :)))

Yea I’ve 2 dogs to keep me company through the sleepless nights to,apart from when there snoring lol

[[PE...]]

Just now, [[J...] said:

Yea I’ve 2 dogs to keep me company through the sleepless nights to,apart from when there snoring lol

Animals do really enriches life!!

 

[[Le...]]

my dog got so messed up while i was acute she lost all hair on tail patches everywhere else and was puking and making other messes constantly. they are more aware than we think but noone would be unaffected by that. we were alone together for most of a year. 

[[PE...]]

1 minute ago, [[L...] said:

my dog got so messed up while i was acute she lost all hair on tail patches everywhere else and was puking and making other messes constantly. they are more aware than we think but noone would be unaffected by that. we were alone together for most of a year. 

Wow. So she stopped puking when you got better? That dog loves you so much..

[[Le...]]

no bladder control. she lived it with me. 

[[Ja...]]

Yea lee dogs are so in tune with there owner,.there with you all the way,my last dog got me through some rough patches for real,crazy that with your dog feeling you being out of sorts man and being like that,.There bond is special and unmatched 

[[St...]]

Yes, @[...]Jay75. I am from GenX. My childhood was at once middle income, spoilt, abused, and doused in fundamentalist evangelism. I learned no coping mechanisms except prayer which helped not a bit. I turned to anything I found to self-medicate - alcohol, sex, anger, street drugs, prescription drugs of all kinds taken recklessly, and anorexia. Got me nowhere.

When I was 39, I went to rehab for alcohol and met my next drug dealer. A few years later I finally got clean and sober. I learned great coping skills in rehab if nothing else. Once sobriety stuck, I was determined to be honest with all my doctors about my past and I was. It made no difference. I was still prescribed benzos and told they were not strong enough, when taken as prescribed, to become an issue. Wrong.

And here I am, with you and everyone else here, doing my best to get off this stuff.

And this time, I am alone. No pets. No friends. No family. 

We will learn how to cope with life without self-medicating. I am sure of it.

Edited May 5 by [St...]