New 6-12 month buddy group

[[Co...]]

hey everyone,

I'm in a pretty bad wave today.  It started with nightmares and auditory hallucinations last night, worsening depression this morning, and now waves of panic with nausea, hot flashes, blurred vision.  My head feels like it's imploding, and I keep drifting out of consciousness... something between passing out feeling and sleep, with jolts of cortisol/adrenaline every few minutes. 

 

Of course, it's awful, but my little analytical, rational brain is feeling relief - if it's a wave, then I'm definitely still in withdrawal... that means the depression isn't permanent, but will get better.  Crazy logic, I know... this wave is a doozy and I hope it passes soon.

 

I had sushi for dinner last night - I'm wondering if that could have set this off..?  msg maybe?  :sick:   On the other hand, the muscle/joint pain is better - I can walk more easily and can move my neck a little more today.  dear God, how I wish I could get a break from this. 

[[wa...]]

Ooops - got into some gin and tonic  - trying to be normal.  I feel like s**t but not sure if it has anything to do with recovering.  There are plenty of mornings I am hungover and I have no idea why.  I'm in emotional strain, too -  constantly due to a teenager who is in so much trouble we are waiting for a detective to come to our door.

 

I have all sorts of pains, too.  I do believe Lunesta and years of other drugs accelerated my osteo arthritis and I may be headed for a hip replacement.  Fun stuff.

 

I really thought I'd be happier by now.  I must not be realistic about life at all.  WBB

[[Bu...]]

ComingHome:  I'm sorry you are in a bad wave today and hope it passes quickly.  Maybe some ingredient in the sushi did affect you-stuff like; too much sugar/chocolate, caffeine, and artificial ingredients can trigger wd symptoms for me.  I totally agree with your logic that waves mean withdrawal and it can get better-gives me hope for sure.

 

WBB:  So sorry you are going through such a rtough time.  I have a much harder time dealing with big life stressors while going through benzo withdrawal-I don't seem to have a lot of resilience lately to deal with everything.  Some days are better than others.

 

Hoping for some relief for all of us today.

[[Kl...]]

After a rough couple of weeks and a bad day yesterday I had my first close to 100% day today! I felt good, no sickly, no pain, calm and able to just relax and not feel like I had to be doing something. Socializing with friends tonight at at their house and felt normal and able to joke around and enjoy myself 

 

Hopefully this is the start of something good, I've never had a whole day like this before.. at the very least I know I'm getting there!

[[Me...]]

Is anyone else dealing with nasty DP/DR that just lingers around ?

[[te...]]

So glad to see this thread-I totally forgot about it.  I'm 9 months off and have some really good days but, still get hammered with big waves at times-seemingly out of the blue.  However, I couldn't sleep last night, and I think it was probably from being revved up from overdoing things for a couple of days.  Today the anxiety, fear, physical pains, exhaustion are all back in force...ugh   Does anyone else find their withdrawal symptoms get a lot worse after overdoing things? 

 

teegirl:  I hope your daughter feels better soon.  My oldest son is going through a very rough time and we are doing our best to help him.

 

ComingHome:  Here's to hoping we see some good improvements around the year mark-it would be so welcome.

 

Thanks again for this thread.

 

Thanks BurnedOut. Sorry to hear your son is having a hard time. Sometimes when it rains, it pours...

My sleep is sensitive too. If something gets me nervous or excited or stressed in the evening, it definitely hurts my sleep. So, I have been trying to keep things as routine and boring as possible.

 

 

[[Co...]]

Burned Out, my kids are each going through difficult seasons in their lives.  I'll be so glad to be well again, so I can be a solid source of support for them.  Worrying about them ratchets my anxiety up into terror/despair.  I know things surely can't be that bleak, but I can't see anything clearly right now.  Best wishes for your son. 

 

Meech,

Yes - I still have DP/DR pretty bad.  I read some of your posts - physical sxs are getting better for me too, but mental/emotional ones are about the same.  Hopefully we'll see improvements soon. 

[[Me...]]

Hey ComingHome, well I'm glad our physical symptoms are ending that's a plus. BUT I hate these mental symptoms so much it's just a slow crawl with these symptoms.

[[Co...]]

After a rough couple of weeks and a bad day yesterday I had my first close to 100% day today! I felt good, no sickly, no pain, calm and able to just relax and not feel like I had to be doing something. Socializing with friends tonight at at their house and felt normal and able to joke around and enjoy myself 

 

Hopefully this is the start of something good, I've never had a whole day like this before.. at the very least I know I'm getting there!

:thumbsup:

 

 

[[Kl...]]

Well it lasted almost 2 days and now a wave of nerve pain again. It was nice while it lasted, hopefully another window is on the way soon!

[[Bu...]]

Thank-you teegirl and ComingHome-I really want to be better to help support my son, too.  And yes, routine and boring at bedtime is very helpful-I try to listen to a relaxing CD of ocean waves or nature sounds of birds, wind, streams-sooo peaceful.

 

Glad you had a good 2 day window Klungo but, sorry you have nerve pain again.  This non-linear healing is really rough, even though our overall baselines may be improving. 

 

Hope we all get some breaks today.

[[te...]]

hi guys, i watched a movie with my family -- La La Land -- and this morning I ran 3.6 miles!!

 

thankful for the things i am able to do...

 

if i think about the future, i feel sad and uncertain so i am trying to keep right here, right now, in the PRESENT.

 

love to you all...

[[Kl...]]

That's great Tee! It's hard to stay present and working hard on that myself. We'll get there!

 

 

[[te...]]

thanks klungo! are you finding it hard to re-enter back into life now that you're doing a bit better? i feel like it's hard for me... i'm scared to diverge from my routine... but if i stick to my routine, i don't see anyone except my husband and kids...

[[Kl...]]

Yes for sure.. I am still having waves that are uncomfortable enough to make me hesitant to do a lot. I do go out and do things I need to do though. My days are getting fairly good for the most part (minimal issues, slight uneasiness, muscle aches etc). It's my evenings that have given me the nerve pain stuff lately and then early morning muscle pains. Started waking at 4am and having a hard time getting back to sleep again. Another thing that was gone for a long time and had surges again sleeping in today, have barely had those in a while too. Hopefully this is the last shake out of things coming back before they go away completely.

 

Once I get up and out of bed and get on with the day it's not bad. I still spend a lot of time at home and with the fiance. Hopefully things get better and better like last weekend and then I'll feel a bit more confident in making plans. We are supposed to go to a cabin with friends in 3 weeks in the middle of nowhere. I'm a little nervous since I won't have any of my coping tools there (like my bath / hot tub etc). no internet access. Last year I loved it before this happened, so keeping my fingers crossed that these 3 weeks are good to me

[[te...]]

you are doing so well klungo, you are going to make it and we're all going to celebrate with you. like ComingHome said, the waves are evidence that you're healing... that your body is working on it night and day... that's great that you have plans to go away with friends! i'm sure that will be very relaxing and healing to be out in nature. you are very brave. i am still too scared to go away, but my daughter can't travel right now because of her health issues so i feel less guilty that i'm not the only one holding the family back from going somewhere.

[[Fa...]]

So glad to hear that you are making good progress, Klungo. Getting more confident in making plans sounds excellent.

I wish you an enjoyable vacation with your fiance & friends...and please return completely healed or at least very very closed to that.

 

I wish you all just a NORMAL day....and many more... :smitten:

[[Pe...]]

Evening all, I had a few quick questions. I went to see a functional medicine practitioner today. So, my first question is have any of you suffered from really low blood pressure as a part of your withdrawal? Mine was 92/73, and I wonder what in the world that might mean. I got a lot of lab work done, so hopefully that'll shed some light on the situation. She put me on an elimination diet. She also set me up for an appointment with a woman who does Havening Therapy which I understand is something like EMDR. Does anyone have any experience with either, and did they prove successful, or what was the outcome? Also she suggested that I sign up for Tai Chi classes, saying yoga is good but Tai Chi is better for where I'm at right now. Anybody have any experience with Tai Chi. I'm moving forward on all fronts, but if anyone has any experience with any of these therapies and could offer up some insight, I'd really appreciate it.

 

Thanks!

[[Kl...]]

you are doing so well klungo, you are going to make it and we're all going to celebrate with you. like ComingHome said, the waves are evidence that you're healing... that your body is working on it night and day... that's great that you have plans to go away with friends! i'm sure that will be very relaxing and healing to be out in nature. you are very brave. i am still too scared to go away, but my daughter can't travel right now because of her health issues so i feel less guilty that i'm not the only one holding the family back from going somewhere.

 

Thanks Tee, as you know, one min everything is amazing the next you feel hopeless. Roller coaster from hell!

 

So glad to hear that you are making good progress, Klungo. Getting more confident in making plans sounds excellent.

I wish you an enjoyable vacation with your fiance & friends...and please return completely healed or at least very very closed to that.

 

I wish you all just a NORMAL day....and many more... :smitten:

 

It feels like a good idea when I'm doing well, then a wave hits and I think it sounds awful :/ I'll keep pushing though, we'll win this fight!

 

PS. I decided to make a video for YouTube of my story and progress. I felt like watching others has really helped me so I'd like to pay it forward.

 

 

Cheers

[[co...]]

Good video K... interestingly, I had my first 100% window on Saturday as well. Did all kinds of stuff and started making plans for the week. Then I spent Monday and today in bed with mental anguish and dark depression. Currently my two closest friends in this mess. Hopeful to desperate in two days. I hope better days come soon... sounds like you're past most of the mental stuff. I wish...

 

 

[[Kl...]]

Thanks.Colley! Awesome you had a window too. Back to the bullshit though. Nerve pain again this evening. Hoping it's going to start fizzling out soon.

[[so...]]

Hi everyone,

 

I just wanted to tell you all that you are in the roughest of waters right now and it gets so much better with time.  I never had windows.  No respite whatsoever.  Just gradual, barely noticeable improvements.  I lived to tell the tale and so will you. 

 

Your nerves are just sensitized right now.  That's all this is.  Our bodies, from the day we are born, are always healing from something.  Repairing what needs fixing....fighting viruses, mending cuts, producing gastric juices to digest something that didn't sit well....always in a healing mode.  During this process you get front row seats on what's going on inside your bodies while the reconstruction is in full swing.  You feel everything!  Ugh.  The good news is you are healthy.  Your bodies are working just fine.  This is what they were built to do--FIX YOU.  Is it painful sometimes?  Yup.  Will it harm you?  Nope.  Are you healing every minute of every day?  Yup.  Does it feel like you are healing?  Nope.

 

Hang in there, warriors.  You are going to feel healthier than you have ever felt in your lives.  You are being completely recycled.  You get a huge prize at the end of this war.  A beautiful life.  I've been where you are right now.  I'm not there anymore.  Healing happens. 

 

Sofa

[[Co...]]

Thank you, Sofa.  I really needed this.  :smitten:

[[Bu...]]

Thank-you sofa-your encouraging words are very much needed today-glad you are feeling so much better.

[[Fa...]]

Thanks a lot, sofa! You are our beloved Pithia...Your voice is reinssuring: yeah, healing happens!