The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[an...]]

I’m still doing rough. I’ve basically been sick since dec 19 and the last few days I caught something else. I’m hoping it’s just a cold but I woke up a little achy in my lower ribs and I’m praying it’s not pneumonia or something . Ugh I hate it. Just cleared my schedule for the day so I can stay home.

[[pe...]]

ang..so sorry to hear this.  As I remember you got the flu back in December.  I guess your system is down a bit and, as we know, illness, changes in the body, have a power negative effect on withdrawal. I hope it clears up soon.  I am sensing more and more how changes in sleep and diet and stressful events in the environment impact the experience of withdrawal... If you can, rest as much as possible today.  I am planning a nap.  I slept really poorly.  The naps are OK now.  I don't wake up feeling depressed and drugged, as long as I limit the nap to about 20 minutes...

 

Hey, hey, hey...things will get better....

[[Ho...]]

Hey guys, just checking in. Iron issues still have me out of wack but it seems to be better. Going to stop taking the supplement and see how I do. It makes me feel like poo. Went to hip doc a few days ago and will be having reconstructive surgery in a few months. Hockey has taken it's toll on my hip joints. I'll be happy to get it over with so I can play again but am of course a bit nervous about it. Other than that, just waiting two be a dad and finishing up some schooling. I hope you all are doing your best.

 

Ang- Take some vitamin c every day and a apple as well. I never get

sick. . . . Well physically anyways. Ha.

 

Pens- I was wondering how your community was recovering from those fires still? Also was wondering about Deplin you take. I hope your doing ok.

[[an...]]

I’ve beem taking vitam c every day for about a month now.

[[pe...]]

Wow, Hockey, waiting to be a dad.  You have a lot going on.  I sure hope the surgery goes well.  I would be nervous about that too.  My psychiatrist prescribed Deplin years ago to help with the production of serotonin.  As I understand it Deplin is a super-charged vitamin.  Whether it helps or not, I couldn't say.  I plan to get off of it, but right now is not the time to do it.  Wish I could be clearer.  But overall I favor taking as little as that kind of stuff as possible.... Oh, yes, people have forgotten the fires; they have not forgotten the flood that followed.  Huge boulders, the size of cars, came crashing down the mountain, crushing homes and killing people.  It was a real disaster, and will leave scars on the landscape and in the minds of people for years to come....  And we are in a drought.  So we really want rain, but we don't want rain because of the flood it caused....

 

Best to you...and hope you can get back on the ice soon...

[[tr...]]

Do you also feel that your nerves are outside the skin? They rub, and make me restless. I can`t  sit still, and get a feeling of crazy. Feeling very nervous, and being stressed by the very smallest. The muscles hurt, and feel tingling.

[[pe...]]

Hey, translator, I have strange sensations, more like tingling electric sensations, in my legs and feet all the time.  Lately my face feels like it could fall off.  That could be allergies.  And I have had burning sensations around my hips that wake me at night.  But that could be muscle strain.  Who knows...  This stuff just seems to come with the territory...

 

BJESTE: how are you???  Norway is doing great in the Olympics.  I hope that provides some distraction and satisfaction.

 

I went in for my yearly physical yesterday.  I hate doing that and I had a new doctor since my old one retired.  I was anxious even more than usual because I didn't know how he would react to this benzo stuff.  But he seemed pretty hip and said doctors are giving this stuff out like candy and they shouldn't be.  He had no advice or suggestions to help with withdrawal except ECT and I don't want to do that right now.  He said I looked great for my age and am doing all the right stuff to take care of myself.  I guess so.  Now I have to go in for the blood work, and the place I go always seems really depressing...If it's not one thing, it's something else....

 

I think it's hard to go into see a complete stranger and talk about such personal stuff.  Like, he asked me, if I was a happy person.  I had to say "no."  What else could I say. And he asked if I had a purpose in life.  And I had to say "no."  None at all, except to go day by day through this withdrawal. That was my purpose, I said.  "Fair enough," he said. And he asked, what was my reason for getting out of bed.  And I said, "Force of habit."  Which was true, though I could have said "to move my bowels."  I mean, I guess it was better for him to ask these questions than to just sit there inputting stuff into the computer.  But with the computer stuff I didn't have answer such complicated questions in 25 words or less...

 

Best to all..

[[tr...]]

Pensioner, your story recalls how it was during my first months of withdrawal. My husband died, and his family didn`t  accept the will, so they bothered me a lot. The lawyer and I went through a lot of paper, and he asked a thousand questions, but all I could answer was yes or no. It was completely empty in the head. During the withdrawal it can be very difficult to think clearly, or answer complex questions. I think he thought I was crazy.

 

I think it was strong for you to get away, I still think it's  difficult.

[[bj...]]

Hey Pensi.

Thanks for asking me! Again and again.

I am here. Breathing. Suffering like being in hell x ten. Nothing helps. Playing music and sing, walking the dog, be with family, go to the quiz with my dear wife etc. Don't care about the Norwegian success in the Olympic games. Nothing on the planet interests me. I am scared almost to death of this endless shit.

 

This week we spend at our country place in Telemark. Winter Wonderland everyone says, but I don't care. I only see problems with loads of snow, having to get us more wood to keep warm and so on. My son and his family lives downstairs, and my other son and his wife live upstairs. I used to love go skiing. My pair of ski(s?) are standing there waiting for me.

 

I am so scared about this state. Will it be like this for ever? NO!!! We shall recover. I just don't know how. Some volunteer things might be something to try. I have, some days ago, contacted someone who are starting an interesting project. More about this later...

 

And Translator:  Hei! Vi er jo nesten naboer

 

[[tr...]]

Hej Bjesti, trevligt att du också är från Norden!

 

I know exactly what you mean, I feel very indifferent too. I neither want, or can, anything. I'm sitting here in my couch watching the mess in my home. Everything feels so unpleasant, both reading and watching TV.

I get help once a week to shop, and I`m  of course very grateful for that. But I can`t hold a conversation, just waiting to be alone again. Even though I try to keep a happy facade, everything inside is felt like dead.

 

It's the same with TV, can only see knowledge- and nature programs. Faded movies just feel flat and uninteresting with spoiled actors. I've lost my imagination, and just want to see what's real.

 

Do you also experience a sense of discomfort? When I try to read it doesn`t  feel good, it only gives unpleasant vibrations. And that's all about it. I'm really trying to get out of the dark, but it's hard.

[[pe...]]

Hey bjeste...so good to hear from you.  So sorry to say that I know how you feel.  Things that used to excite me, things I used to look forward to, just don't anymore.  I used to love to read, but, now, like "translator," reading just seems to hurt.  There is so much in this world to hurt about.  Still, I keep trying.  This morning I pried myself out of bed and went early to have my blood drawn for those yearly blood tests.  That was hard and the traffic was bad.  Seems like all I see is the negative, and that's hard too when I know I am so much better off (I have food, shelter, a loving wife) than many people.

 

I keep thinking about volunteer work too...but right now I just don't have the energy to do it.  I keep hoping the energy will come back....

 

So let's just keep on keeping on...and hope we catch a break.  Soon!

 

Best to you both, and hello ang.

[[tr...]]

Pensioner, this is truly a strange world. Feel like a robot with a low battery. I live, and the heart beats, but so much more is not. As I read, or sitting in front of the computer, I get mouth dry and it's hard to breathe. That's because I hold the breath for as long as it goes. I don`t know why I do this, it only happens then.

 

What I don`t like is that the healing of all symptoms takes so long. In the beginning I thought that one morning I would wake up fully, but it will not work. And that has to mean that I have a lot left if the symptoms over time will disappear very slowly.

 

[[pe...]]

translator yes, I have been at this for over two years.  At first I kept hoping I would wake up and my mind would be clear and my heart would be light.  But it hasn't happened, and I don't think it is going to. Withdrawal moves very, very slowly, and I can feel less disappointed, each morning, if I don't expect too much.  Lowering expectations just seems realistic in this situation.  And, yes, I know what it feels like to be running on a low battery....

 

Oh, I got the results back from my yearly blood work, and my doctor said, "The tests look good."  Made me feel a bit better for two seconds...

 

Best to all and hope you have the best day possible!

[[tr...]]

Sorry, but now is the time for complaining again, but I'm so tired of this. This constant feeling of flu and fatigue makes everything feel so hopeless. I try to clean a little, but I can`t  cope. It will only be TV, and I'm tired of everything.

 

The only fun is rock music, but now it just makes me stressed. I have to try to breathe, and get through every minute, hour and day. Why is healing so slow?

[[pe...]]

hey, translator..yes, there's a lot to complain about.  This stuff just goes on and on.  For a while I had a little more fatigue and a little less anxiety.  The last few days have been the other way around.  Don't know which is worse really.  You hang in there. Take deep breaths....  Have you tried meditation for temporary relief? 

 

Best to you, and ang how is school going?  Are you finally recovered from the flu?

[[tr...]]

Pensioner, thanks for the warm words! It's always nice to know that someone understands, and we have each other!

 

A little question about strange symptoms, and it is worst in the morning. It is very crowded in the throat, over the chest and in the abdominal fat. Although I'm very careful with dental hygiene (have not been to dentists in 3 years, disaster!) It feels like "mold".

I know that I will avoid pain relievers, but for some reason it will be better for acetylsalic acid, and it is anti-inflammatory. So I don`t really understand what it is.

 

It also feels like this takes all the power, but I also notice that I'm breathing in the wrong way. I suspect I have breathing dyspnoea.

I didn`t  have this before the withdrawal, and it is a very stubborn symptom.

 

I have always enjoyed meditating (preferably christian deep meditation) and trying to live with mindfulness. But as soon as I settle down I get heartache and anxiety, and have to rush up. Have tried to sit up, but that's the same.

 

Do you recognize this again, is it the same for you?

[[pe...]]

hello, translator.  I go to the dentist yearly.  I  don't want to go, but I make myself because I don't want to lose my teeth.  That can happen.

 

I don't think I have the same issues breathing that you do.  I do have a tension in my chest.  I think that's anxiety, but I am not aware of breathing much differently than I always have.  Maybe that's the result of good exercise all these years.  And my resting pulse, because of that, is usually low....in the 60's.

 

I am sorry you have a problem with breathing.  I expect it is withdrawal because I have seen others on this site talk about this problem....

 

Have the best day possible!

[[tr...]]

Today it's really bad, feeling so restless. It burns and sticks in the skin, and has a lot of muscle ache. Having trouble sitting still, but at the same time very weak. It feels like some symptoms have come back, I thought they were over. But the withdrawal is so treacherous as it's not linear, but it's sad when you back in the healing. Is that the same for you?

[[pe...]]

translator, yes, this is not a straight forward progress.  Back and forth it seems. And things can happen in the world that set you back, and it seems you almost have to start all over again. Very frustrating and kind of scary....  Though what I am feeling now is different than what I felt at the start.  Not better, though. Just different... I hope that means healing is taking place...  Best to you...

[[tr...]]

So it's for me too, had earlier 30-40 symptoms. Now "just" remains 4-5, and I`m very grateful for that. Compared to that time I feel much better.

 

Sometimes I have my better moments, and I decide not to think about this. I use positive affirmations, and think of everything that makes me grateful. Now I will read a good book and try to imagine how it will be when I'm healthy. I'll do this, yes!

 

Pensioner, is there anything that makes you feel better for a little while?

[[pe...]]

hi, translator:  My exercise does it for me--makes me feel better for a little while.  I  look forward to doing it each day as the one thing I sort of have control over.  And, generally, too the exercise puts different and more tranquil chemicals in my brain. So yes, I have something that makes me feel better, and I don't know what I would do without it.  Also, I take an occasional nap. 

Those used to be horrible.  I would wake up feeling drugged.  But now, occasionally, I wake up and feel more clear in the head.... And when I start feeling really, really terrible, I remind myself that feelings change from moment to moment, and this will go away...

 

Best to you and have a good day....

[[tr...]]

I don`t understand why it's so unpleasant to shower. I'm having difficulty breathing, anxiety and all the symptoms go on high. Is it alike for you?

[[pe...]]

Hi, translator.  I don't have that particular problem.  I shower after my daily exercise, so I need it and I like the feel of the warm water.  Maybe it's a temperature change that sets off your anxiety spasm. Does the shower feel cold to your feet.  I have found that tiny things can set off an anxiety spasm.  What about a warm bath instead?  Boy, this is a hard road.  Best to you...

 

 

[[pe...]]

Hey ho ho ho all...

 

Well, I find myself replying to myself.  All I have to say really, is what the heck I am now 27 months out.  That's a long time.  While I am not the same as I was when I started, I am still very anxious and fatigued.  Also I am 27 months older, and, well, at my age, that makes a difference.  One just slows down.  Still I am hanging in there and hoping you all (ang, bjeste, hockey and others) are doing well and getting better.  I really do hope so...Best to all....

[[tr...]]

For me it has now been 26 months. It's the same with me, tired and worried. Being stressed and indifferent at the same time, has difficulty focusing. I live, but so much more is not. Is quite tired of this life, time goes on nothing.

Have been waiting for my pension for so many years, but this was not what I had imagined. The house car gets well roasted, and my dog is getting old. But I may be happy anyway ......