The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[an...]]

I bet it’s close to going away!

[[pe...]]

hey ang, I don't know that it's going away.  It's worse right now.  But, you're right, it's changing and that's probably for the good.  How are you doing?  Are you hanging in there with the school stuff.

 

and bjeste, how are you and things in Norway.

 

Best to all on this Sunday.

[[bj...]]

Hey all.

 

And Pensi,

 

Thanks for asking. I still feel like living on another planet. Depressed.

Don't know how to get back to life again.

Hope you are feeling better today!

 

[[pe...]]

hey, bjeste...

 

Thanks for responding.  I know that's hard to do sometimes when all you have to report is that you feel miserable.  But me too.  I am also miserable.  I was writing an email to an old friend I had not written in a while, and just gave up half way through because it seemed like all I could do was complain... But of course I wasn't complaining exactly.  This is a horrible experience very hard to explain to people who have not experienced it....

 

I hope you and all have a good day.  I woke up absolutely terrified.  I am a bit better right now.  So that's good....

[[pe...]]

Hey ho ho ho to All

 

Well, I am now 22 months out, and since I don't have anything happy to report, I will content myself with saying hello to all and hoping all are doing better day by day.

 

 

[[bj...]]

Pensi, and all.

 

Same here. Almost hopeless. And now I will be abroad for sixteen days. Crazy, but no choice.

We bought a long trip in February. I was 100 % secure of being well again in the autumn...

May be something will happen in my brain while doing other things???

I'll tell you in November.

Hope all of you are better then!!!

 

 

 

 

[[pe...]]

hey bjeste:

 

I hope you have a wonderful trip.  Maybe the change of place will produce a change of mind.  That would be wonderful, and you return home with a lighter heart....  Look forward to hearing from you in November....

[[an...]]

Still trucking here. School is a LOT OF STRESS which seems to make me worse 3 days a week. And then I come home and collapse and rest every second I can and then get up and do it all again. I’m halfway through the semester and doing as good as possible. My cognitive is not 100% but I think I’m lucky because I was considered gifted as a child so this gives me an edge even when impaired.

 

I do think it helps me too because it forces me to have social interaction and to use my brain on stuff I wouldn’t if I was at home and in bed. My other symptoms are such that I shouldn’t be home alone for days so School isn’t really something I can quit at this point. I’m pretty sure I’d go totally nuts without something to distract me constantly.

[[pe...]]

Hey ang!

 

You are halfway through the semester already!  That's wonderful.  And I think you are absolutely right; if you were not in school and just alone with this withdrawal, well, that would be rough.  School is a really good distraction from this misery, and it must help your sense of self to be able to do it and succeed at it.  And you are building for your future.  So the stress, overall, is worth it.  Also, and finally, even with cog fog, you strike me as a really sharp (intellectually) person...

 

Me, I am slogging along.  Another restless night of fitful sleep,  another morning of dread and anxiety spikes.  But, as I have said before, things tend to lighten up a bit as the day moves on.

 

Best to all.

 

 

 

 

[[an...]]

thank you pens

 

Bjesti- it will help October go by faster. Tell us how you are when you come back. Safe travels.

[[pe...]]

Hey ang;

 

I saw elsewhere that you recently had a real night's sleep for the first time in a very long time.  I hope that continues.

 

I too look forward to bjesti's report on his travels.

 

Hey hockey, kris, reba, bennie--how are you doing.  I think I saw somewhere that Shamo is in Spain now.  Is that correct.

 

As for me, well, as one ages things just happy.  My favorite aunt, the last of my father's generation, died earlier this week.  She was 88.  Loss and suffering come in the door whether you want them or not.  And one would be less than human if one did not feel these things...

 

Best to all....

[[an...]]

Yes!!!! I slept almost 9 hours straight without waking up once! I haven’t been able to do that in 14 years! I hope I get more nights like that soon! I usually wake up 1-3 times now down from 3-6 times per night.

[[pe...]]

Hey all:

 

I thought I would post so our thread doesn't drop completely off the page...

 

Also today I am officially 23 months out, one month short of two years, and sadly I am still struggling.  I guess I need to face it.  I am protracted: terrible morning anxiety, intrusive and obsessive thoughts,  muscle aches, and exhaustion.  It just won't quit.

 

So I bought some CBD oil and  tried it for the first time yesterday.  Too early for any report, positive or negative.  But that's where I am at.  I need to experiment, to do something to try to break up this terrible daily pattern.  When I have a clearer picture, I will report out.

 

ang  I see from another thread that you continue to struggle.  I hope your sleep has continued better.

 

bjeste, I assume you are back in Norway.  I hope your travels went well and were, if not restorative, at least distracting.

 

How are the rest of you folks doing?

 

Best to all.

 

 

[[bj...]]

Hey all,

 

and Pensi,

 

I have been back for a while.

I just had to cope during the travel. We saw Machu Picchu, the Titicaca lake in Peru, and the world's biggest salt area in the world in Bolivia. La Paz and Lima. It kept my mind busy at times, but I struggled.

I'm sorry, but my mental state is not better.

I don't find anything in life enjoyable, so I don't know how I can stand this any longer.

But I have to stay here and hope that something will turn in my head.

I have to do several concerts in the next weeks, including rehearsals...

This is very hard to do when in depression, but it is the only medicine I have left...

I hope I can write later and tell you all that I am getting better.

 

[[pe...]]

Thanks bjeste for checking in.

 

How sad and how terrible to visit such wonderful places and still be struggling.

 

It's a miracle to me that you can go to rehearsals and perform too.  You must love music at some level.  It affords you a connection to the larger world.  Keep at that, the best you can.

 

I too am no better.  But lately I have been trying to shake things up a bit.  As noted, I have been trying CBD oil.  I have cooked up a couple of new dishes.  Some jambalaya that almost burned a hole in my stomach (at least it  tasted like something).  Also I continue to read.  Right now a strange and depressing novel, Blindness, by Jose Saramago.

 

Next month at almost exactly this time, I will be 72 years old.  I can't mess around; there's not that much time to go.  So I really do need to shake things up if I don't want to go to my deathbed in this terrible state.

 

Best to you.

 

Best to all.

[[an...]]

Good to hear from you both! I’m still in a wave from stress but I’m ok. Sleep is still improving. All things really. This healing is sooooooo slow.

[[Ho...]]

Hey guys. Just wanted to drop in and say hi. Hope your all doing your best. In short, I'm doing ok for the most part. I'm currently trying to get off the lamictal they put me on in the beginning of withdrawl. I have to go very slow or the OCD gets bad. Looking at a couple more months of that. I'm hoping that the lamictal is causing most of the OCD and it will get better once I'm off. Some days I'm real good and others it's rough. Most of all my problems are OCD related. I hate it. I'm working on getting my real estate licence, which will be a big change and it's early but I think my wife maybe pregnant with our first. I'm pretty excited about that! Hang in there guys and remember to stay busy. Do some cardio too.

[[pe...]]

Hey Hockey:

 

Good to hear from you.  I just googled it; that Lamictal looks like really intense stuff.  I hope the withdrawal goes well and that the OCD subsides with it.  That would be great.  In the meantime, you seem to be moving ahead with your life.  Working towards a real estate licence and a baby on the way.  That's amazing.  Wonderful.  And, oh, I exercise daily; couldn't live without it..

 

Best to all.

[[Sh...]]

Hey guys. Just wanted to drop in and say hi. Hope your all doing your best. In short, I'm doing ok for the most part. I'm currently trying to get off the lamictal they put me on in the beginning of withdrawl. I have to go very slow or the OCD gets bad. Looking at a couple more months of that. I'm hoping that the lamictal is causing most of the OCD and it will get better once I'm off. Some days I'm real good and others it's rough. Most of all my problems are OCD related. I hate it. I'm working on getting my real estate licence, which will be a big change and it's early but I think my wife maybe pregnant with our first. I'm pretty excited about that! Hang in there guys and remember to stay busy. Do some cardio too.

 

It would most likely be benzo withdrawal still...

[[an...]]

I’m happy for you Hockey! Yes go slow. I bet all that stuff subsides once you’re off everything! Happy Healing!

[[Ho...]]

Thanks Ang! How are you doing?

[[an...]]

Thanks Ang! How are you doing?

 

Still hurtin for certain.

 

I am mostly functional but I’m in a weird wave right now where I have apathy and feel brain dead. My health anxiety is back and I’m convinced I have a blood clot in my leg or cancer growing as I have a weird numb that feels like a bulging vein for 2 years now. I also think I must have some horrible disease and that I’m getting worse and this will never end. And yet I’m just crazy enough to keep going to school like this. I’m socially awkward now and have thoughts that everyone thinks I’m crazy when I speak. I don’t know how I am doing this.

 

 

[[Ho...]]

Thanks Ang! How are you doing?

 

Still hurtin for certain.

 

I am mostly functional but I’m in a weird wave right now where I have apathy and feel brain dead. My health anxiety is back and I’m convinced I have a blood clot in my leg or cancer growing as I have a weird numb that feels like a bulging vein for 2 years now. I also think I must have some horrible disease and that I’m getting worse and this will never end. And yet I’m just crazy enough to keep going to school like this. I’m socially awkward now and have thoughts that everyone thinks I’m crazy when I speak. I don’t know how I am doing this.

 

I'm sorry to hear all that. It still amazes me that we are all this far out and still have issues. I don't remember if I told you all or not but the health anxiety is a part of OCD. I can help you with that if you want. I hope you get to feeling better. I've always had a harder time in the winter with things. I need sun and warmth. Hang in there.

[[an...]]

I don’t believe in all those psychiatry terms anymore. It’s all gobbledegook. I get health anxiety as part of my benzo wd waves. It’ll go away. I’m not the least bit concerned. I’ve learned a lot of techniques to deal with it but thanks Hockey!

[[Sh...]]

Thanks Ang! How are you doing?

 

Still hurtin for certain.

 

I am mostly functional but I’m in a weird wave right now where I have apathy and feel brain dead. My health anxiety is back and I’m convinced I have a blood clot in my leg or cancer growing as I have a weird numb that feels like a bulging vein for 2 years now. I also think I must have some horrible disease and that I’m getting worse and this will never end. And yet I’m just crazy enough to keep going to school like this. I’m socially awkward now and have thoughts that everyone thinks I’m crazy when I speak. I don’t know how I am doing this.

 

I'm sorry to hear all that. It still amazes me that we are all this far out and still have issues. I don't remember if I told you all or not but the health anxiety is a part of OCD. I can help you with that if you want. I hope you get to feeling better. I've always had a harder time in the winter with things. I need sun and warmth. Hang in there.

 

Agree with ang and as I tried to explain to you a number of times. Benzo wd waves are causing all this for us.