The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[pe...]]

hey, translator, yes retirement and getting the pension has not been what I had anticipated.  It's turned out to be a really rough road; still I would rather be doing this withdrawal thing than become more and more heavily sedated.  That's the road I was heading down when I decided to get off this stuff.  I don't regret that decision.  I hope your day goes as well as can be and that tomorrow brings a lighter heart...best...

[[tr...]]

Thanks pensioner for always nice answers!   

In all this difficult I still have hope that there may be a new start here in life. I have been ill a lot, and very bedridden for the last 20 years. No one understood my symptoms, so there was nothing to do. But now I strongly suspect it was due to tolerance and withdrawal. Therefore it will be exciting to see how I really feel when these toxins are out of the body.

 

I dare hardly write it, because then it will be backlash; today I feel really good! Perhaps that depends on the nice weather? When it's a snowstorm I just want to hide under a black blanket and go to sleep like a bear.

When I had been in the bathroom this morning something was strange. I found myself going pretty fast, without complaining or saying ugly words. I felt as usual!

 

Right now I have inner vibration and is weak, but after 2 years on the couch it's not strange. I can also control nervousness if I really try. If I focus on something I can forget everything that feels difficult. I know it's not long, so I'll enjoy every little moment. Even though I know that I have to keep calm with my sensitive nervous system. I'll vacuum and clean - it's probably never been so fun!

Hope that you will soon get such a day too!

[[pe...]]

hello, translator, glad you are having a better day.  Sorry to hear you have struggled with health issues for so long.  I have been lucky that way.  I have no chronic problems and have not been in the hospital a day in my life.  I have, though, been depressed.  That's for sure.  Mostly, though, lately I have had to struggle, as you have too, with this withdrawal stuff.  I am glad there is no snow storm.  Is the sun out?  Is spring on its way?  Best....

[[tr...]]

Today it's as usual again, stress destroyed all the time. They would come with my food, and I tried to clean a little. But it didn`t work at all, it's so crowded over my chest and hard to breathe. Bah!

[[pe...]]

Hey...so sorry, translator, but things can change from moment to moment.  I count on that.  I associate the heavy chest feeling with anxiety...I think that's what it is, for me. Best...

[[an...]]

Our thread is dead and I think that’s a good sign. We are all back to living as best as we can and not symptom focused 24/7 like we were when this thread was started. Hard to believe it has 151 pages!

[[pe...]]

hey, ang, I don't think our thread is completely dead.  It still has a little pulse.  You're right, of course.  It's probably a good sign people don't visit here as much as before.  But I daily check the BB site for about 20 minutes.  Checking up on people and things.  I would hate to lose contact with you, bejeste, hockey completely.  Maybe we could stop by the thread now and then to update each other.  Because, while things are better than they were, for me at least they still have a way to go....Best...

[[bj...]]

Hey, Pensi and Ang.

and all,

 

I'm here, checking now and then, but I have nothing to report. My life is still totally miserable. It don't seem to work for me. I try and I try being active. That should help me. But it doesn't. Meeting friends once a week playing quiz, playing another concert, being with my grandchildren, walk the dog, go to the grocery store etc.

I still am totally uninterested in all aspects of life. There are hundreds of small things in my house and my life that is waiting for me to be done. But it is impossible for me to do them. This is cruel.

Every night I say: Tomorrow I will be better. I hope this soon will be true.

Pensi: You and I are a bit the same, I think? And it is good to keep contact, even if it takes it time.

We shall survive!!!

 

 

 

[[tr...]]

I really hope this thread will continue, it means so much to me. I have a lot of personal contacts here with absolutely wonderful members, and they are not good at all. Then you have no power to write, just to breathe. I wish with all my heart that the thread is calm because everyone is feeling better.

 

Having contact with others you have confidence in, and where we can ease our hearts to others, means very much.     

[[pe...]]

Hey, bjeste, yes, I think we have a sameness.  Like yourself, I am able to do quite a bit.  I can force myself.  But there's a big disparity between what I do and how I feel.  I feel just horrible: anhedonia, derealization, depersonalization--whatever you want to call it, is always there, never completely gone away.  In any case, keep hoping that tomorrow will be better.  Keep getting out of bed and doing every day. Best to you and thanks for your post.

 

translator, Hi.  I intend to keep checking this thread.  It is important to communicate with others who are going through this withdrawal thing.  It's hard for people who are not going through it.  To Understand.  Best to you and I hope you have a good day.

 

Yes, we will survive.

[[Ho...]]

I'm still riding the roller coaster. Iron got better, so doc told me I could stop taking supplement. After a couple weeks iron went to crap again. Anxiety, OCD, crying, the shakes, foggy, headaches and a bunch of other stuff. So I'm back on the iron supplement and feel much better. Doc thinks maybe I have a bleeding ulcer and I will probably get scoped soon. I have surgery on my hip in about a month. Hockey as taken it's toll. Can't wait to get it fixed so I can play again. In about 3 weeks we will find out the sex of the baby. I'm so excited for that. I think about you all often. I suppose I don't write much cause I feel like I have the same old stuff to report. I'll try to be better about that. Hope your all doing your best!

[[pe...]]

Hey, hockey, you have so much going on!  A surgery ahead, and a child. Good things really, even the surgery.  Sorry about the other stuff: headaches, foggy brain, the shakes.  You're right.  It's hard to write here when all you have to communicate is the same-o, same-o s..t.  That's pretty much my case.  Though things may be lightening up a bit.  Or I am just getting used to withdrawal as my new normal.  Hard to tell at times.  Good to hear from you!

[[an...]]

I feel the same way. Nothing to write when everything is the same. Good to hear from you both. I’m still in grad school. I’m working 20 hours a week and going to school the other days. My grades are pretty good my thinking is still clouded. I just try to take it one day at a time.

[[pe...]]

hey, ang, even if it is the same-o, same-0, still good to hear from you and that you are hanging in there with grad. school.  It's amazing what we can do--by way of getting around and taking care of ourselves--in the middle of this crap.  Yea, me too, my mental capacities are hazy and foggy.  You keep on, keeping on... Best...

[[Ho...]]

Good to hear from you guys. Saw my doctor again the other day for the continued iron issues and they are going to scope me on the 3rd. Can't wait for that, not! Hopefully they figure it out. The weather has been nice here in Colorado last few days. I might try and hit the mountains and go fishing on Sunday. My Avalanche are hopefully going to make the playoffs this year. Pretty excited for that. Love my hockey! Hang in there guys!

[[tr...]]

How is it going for you? Is now in a period of a combination of both restlessness and powerlessness. Feeling so stressed by this situation, and just waiting to get to bed. Having trouble getting interested in something, feeling most apathetic and worried.

[[pe...]]

hey, hockey, what does it mean to be "scoped."  Doesn't sound good, but I hope the outcome is good.  I am glad you have your Avalanche and can be distracted by their winning.  That's a good thing.  And I hope this iron business gets straightened out.  When do you become a father...?

 

translator, not being interested in much seems to be part of withdrawal.  Technically, they call it anhedonia, inability to take pleasure in anything.  And of course if you are not interested in anything or don't want to do anything you tend to be restless.  It's all part of the same ball of misery....  But things do change...You can count on that....

 

I am hanging in there.  You do that too...

[[tr...]]

Pensioner, thank you so much for your answers! You are really familiar with withdrawal, and explain in a very friendly and good way. You also have so much patience, sometimes get bad conscience because I'm just complaining. You're absolutely amazing, God Bless You!

[[pe...]]

translator, Thank you! I am happy to think I can be of some little help.  And, yes, I am familiar with withdrawal, and, yes, one must have great patience.  Don't feel bad about complaining.  We have something to complain about.  Fortunately, my wife doesn't mind me doing it...complaining, I mean.....Best to you today...

[[Ho...]]

Scoped, as in they are going to stick a camera in both ends to try and see if I'm bleeding anywhere in my stomach or intestines. So excited! NOT!

[[pe...]]

hockey,  Both ends!  Darn!  Best of luck...

[[tr...]]

Today is The Desperate Day. Want to pull my hair off, and wonder when this misery ends. But today, I had to experience something strange: thought of something fun, and started laughing at myself. What a luxury, it was so long ago! But I think that's something positive, it seems that my previously feelings have begun to pop up again. What makes you happy?

[[pe...]]

hi, translator; it is odd that in the middle of misery one can find moments of humor.  That's very important to me.  To  try to keep a sense of humor about this whole mess.  I have not been a terribly happy person; life has been a struggle.  But being able occasionally to breath deeply and laugh has been a relief and a release.  Best to you on this Desperate day.

[[tr...]]

Can you also experience a feeling of being poisoned? I really am, but after this time I wish it had passed. It feels like just poison, or salt, in the nervous system. Uses think of broken electrical wires, which crush, and the nerves are on top of the skin. I am now in a period when benzo-flu is on top, and pressure across the nose has returned. Today is The Day Of The Suffering.

[[pe...]]

translator, yes, I am familiar with that feeling.  I think about it every day.  Recently I swam in a pool with too much chlorine and it really irritated my nose.  It ran like crazy.  So I googled chlorine poisoning.  That's not to mention all the other things in the environment that may be poisoning us, and not to mention all the meds I have taken over the years (Prozac, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Effexor) that I now regard as poisons. It's a bad feeling alright.  But for me the feeling is worst in the morning, and better, lighter, as the day goes on.  So I hope for you just a Morning of Suffering (not a whole day)...best...