The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

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I have wondered whether there is depression that causes the healing to take so long. I live a life on the sofa,, have very bad appetite and I know I'm breathing in the wrong way. It just does not make me feel better. If I could get away from this destructive life, maybe I might feel better?

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It's good with a group where we have reached the same level of healing, then we understand each other so much better.

Sometimes I wonder if I may actually be healed. 90% of my problems have passed. What remains  I`m very weak with shaking, inner vibration and anxiety.

 

I took benzo for pain and anxiety. I had also diagnosed fibromyalgia.

I can`t  count on feeling better than I did then, these 2 hell's years don`t mean healing all my inconveniences. Then I was mostly bedside, and felt very bad. I'm almost 63 years old, so there are of course some aging.

But I don`t  know if my trouble really was tolerance and withdrawal without knowing it - and that's my big hope.

 

So I may go and wait for the healing, but that condition is actually normal for me with fibromyalgia and anxiety? Or was it tolerance after so many years?

After 2 years on the sofa my condition is zero and I have eaten very badly. So I'm in a pretty bad condition. I also know that I breathe wrong, and often hold the breath, and it can give symptoms like withdrawal. But I try to breathe properly.

But when I had windows 5 x 3-4 hours during these 2 years, then I feel really good.

 

Do you recognize the symptoms I have now? As I said, I don`t know what's what. What do you think?

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Hello, translator:

 

I don't have fibromyalgia, but I didn't start taking benzo for no reason.  I had panic attacks and a bad case of social anxiety.  Also I was depressed.  I have worked on those things for years in different ways, but I don't think they are completely gone.  So like you, I have many questions and no answers.  I don't know if the anxiety I feel is just the old anxiety I have had for years, or is it an anxiety produced by withdrawal.  Also I am older.  I am 72.  And I don't know if the fatigue I feel is the result of withdrawal.  Or just part of the aging process?  Isn't being anxious about health and so on naturally part of the aging process.  I don't know.  I don't know the answer to any of these questions.  I think it is OK to ask them, but only if not knowing the answers does not make you anxious.

 

I hope you have a good day!

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Pensioner1, Thanks for your reply!

Still, I wonder what's what. But I try to be positive, and think it's getting better. If the symptoms were not before then they should go over. And I don`t  know about the trouble before the escalation was actually tolerance. It is said after 6-8 weeks you can become addicted, and I got it printed for 20 years. It was not all the time, but in periods. And then there will be tolerance and withdrawal without knowing about it.

 

So you also feel of this extreme weakness as it's hard to just get to the bathroom?

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I get so tired of one of my remaining complaints, stress and nervousness. I try to be calm, but it's so hard. Are you also in trouble with this?

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translator, I don't believe I am as weak as you are.  I exercise daily for an hour, and I can get around pretty well.  As for nervousness and stress, I have plenty of that.  Maybe not stress so much as plain old anxiety.  Also I have traces of depersonalization and derealization.  Stuff that makes the world seem spooky and you feel detached and isolated from just about everything.  Are you able to sleep regularly and consistently?  I hope you have a good day...

 

Best to all.

[[an...]]

translator, I don't believe I am as weak as you are.  I exercise daily for an hour, and I can get around pretty well.  As for nervousness and stress, I have plenty of that.  Maybe not stress so much as plain old anxiety.  Also I have traces of depersonalization and derealization.  Stuff that makes the world seem spooky and you feel detached and isolated from just about everything.  Are you able to sleep regularly and consistently?  I hope you have a good day...

 

Best to all.

 

I feel like this too Pens.

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Pensioner1, Sometimes what you read can be left because you think it's so good:  "I exercise daily for an hour, and I can get around pretty well." (I don`t know how to paste text). It was like a kick, and I felt like I should do it too. So thanks, that was great to read it!

 

The nervousness is difficult, can it be because the nervous system is so sensitive? It worries me a bit, I took benso for this. But I hope my basic problems will disappear just by the speed.

I will now try with mindfulness and see if it can calm me down. Trying to meditate too, but only getting anxiety. What do you do when nervousness takes over?

 

Best to all!

[[pe...]]

Hello, All.

 

translator I have been nervous or anxious a long, long time.  Looking back I see I controlled it with smoking, coffee, and exercise.  Later, I used drugs that the doctors gave me.  Mostly now to deal with the anxiety I am back to exercise.  I just spent two hours vacuuming and cleaning our little condo.  This afternoon I will do my exercise.  So it helps me I guess to do physical things.  At times, this is hard to do.  I don't want to do it.  But I do it anyway.  Keep moving!  Also distract yourself as much as possible.... I hope you have an OK day.  And oh yes I meditate daily.

 

Ang  The psychological stuff can be really hard.  But I think you said, a while back, that you are sleeping better.  Me too, overall.  And that has to be for the good.

 

Best to all...

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How do you explain this to the family? All I can say is that I'm suffering. It feels like the nervous system constantly pours out a lot of discomfort. The body is retarded in the same way as in the case of flu. It sticks, burns and I can`t  do anything. Do you experience the same thing?

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translator: trying to explain benzo withdrawal can be very difficult. It may be most difficult with family.  I mean you can look alright on the outside, but in the inside there is just darkness and misery.  I am fortunate.  My wife and I have both been interested in psychology for years.  She has seen a therapist, so have I.  So I explain what's happening, the best I can, and she listens and understands.  Mostly.  At one point I didn't think she was getting it. So I ran off a few entries by other people from this site and showed them to her.  Just so she would know that I wasn't making all of this up.  I don't know if that made much difference.  And, yes, it can feel like the flu.

 

I had a pretty bad night's sleep.  That sort of thing can set you back.

 

Have a good day and best to all.

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Pensioner, thank you for your reply!

I`m also very interested in psychology, and ethical that deals with other dimensions of life. I read a lot about it, and it keeps me up.

 

Do you think it's still hard to go out? Today I have to, and feel totally terrified. But this fear is after these 2 years, and I feel mentally rather weak. But I have to, so just take a deep breath.

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translator:

 

Yes, going out can be hard.  I worried for a while that I might become agoraphobic.  But that didn't happen.  My chest still tightens up when I have to drive somewhere.  That's anxiety.  But, thankfully, the anger I was feeling about the traffic and all those discourteous drivers has cleared up.  I am more patient and that's good.  I see, from another thread, that you experimented with CDB oil.  So did I.  At first I thought, "This might help with anxiety."  But then I began to feel sedated.  No good for me.  I get super gloomy when sedated.

 

Have a good day...

 

And best to all (ang, bjeste, hockey)

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It is so good with a group in the same period because the symptoms may vary in the healing.

I have symptoms that are difficult to explain to others, it's not like usual diseases. The body feels dumb, vibrates, shakes and feels "empty". I feel very nervous, and prefer to sit on the sofa. It's glaring in the face, and would like to smack the tongue.

I feel sick, and can`t  do anything. If I describe with one word it will be "discomfort that makes me weak".

 

Sorry if I let negative.Do you recognize these strange symptoms again?

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translator...You don't sound negative.  You sound like you are going through benzo withdrawal.  I have felt "sick" for years, and I have become extremely sensitive to noise and sudden movements. It's a terribly odd experience.

 

Best to you and all....

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Pensioner,thank you for your reply!

It's sad to hear that you have problems with your hearing and sensitivity, that's the same here. Even though my tinnitus goes to the highest level I hear ALL. Even though I'm in the furthest of the apartment, and the TV is turned on, I hear everything in the stairwell. The sound bouncing between the walls, and it feels uncomfortable.

 

For up to 20 months  I was bothered by music that was not available. It was over and over again, it lasted for several hours. If I heard loud music I could still hear that day after but it did not exist. It was just in my mind. Could also hear completely new tunes that I have never heard before.

Is it alike for you?

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When I wake up in the morning it feels very crowded in my throat and over the chest. It feels like "mold" and the food tastes strange. It's really the trouble you get at anxiety, but in the morning I'm pretty calm.

I know that I will avoid pain relievers, it retards the nervous system. But it helps with this problem, so I don`t really understand what it is.

 

I think I breathe wrong, and stop breathing, but I don`t  know. Is this trouble you recognize as withdrawal?

[[an...]]

I’ve been having weird feelings in my throat too. I can feel my swallowing too much or it feels like there’s something in my throat or pain back there. I think my nerves are just very sensitive and that I am anxious.

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Hey all...

 

ang; good to hear from you.  Sorry you are suffering yet another symptom of this miserable experience.  Funny how it changes.

 

translator; for me, anxiety doesn't necessarily mean I am jumpy or nervous.  I feel it mostly in the morning as a heavy ache in the chest, a sort of suffocating feeling.  Also, in my case, at least anxiety and depression can lap into each other.  Makes sense to me: constant anxiety tires the system out and you grow very, very weary or depressed.  So far, and I am no expert, nothing you have described seems anything other than withdrawal.

 

I think ang might agree with me.

 

Best to all.

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Pensioner, in a way it's good if my symptoms are withdrawal. Sometimes I put the blame on myself: I have been sleeping on the sofa for 2 years, I have tension throughout my body, breathing wrong and so on. I can get angry with myself because I don`t  do any easier exercise and get rid of the tension in my body. But that's because I'm getting so tired of everything, and then blaming myself.

 

Yesterday I massaged the whole body very carefully, and stretched with rubber bands. After 10 minutes I got a pain in my body so I became crazy. Got tingling, burns and couldn`t sit still.

I will try, very very carefully, to get started with some training to see how it goes. Maybe it will only get worse again, but I feel I have to do something ......

 

Are you lying on the sofa a lot, or are you up in the days?

[[an...]]

Yes it’s all related. We feel terrible most days. We are bound to also feel depresssed.

 

Pens- how did your diet hanger go a while back?

 

My symptoms have really morphed lately and I’m having a lot of new ones pop up especially nerve pain. I’m not very happy right now. I thought I was getting better but I’ve been getting worse since Dec 19 when I got sick. I’ve been waking up with anxiety again because of all of this.i can’t tell if anxiety is part of this wave or a product of all the crap I’m dealing with. Chicken or the egg?

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Ang1111, I love your picture! Is it a labrador? I have had two, and three golden retrievers.

 

It`s completely incomprehensible that life became like this. I thought it would be hard for a couple of months, and then it would go over. I didn`t  think to live on the sofa, in a mess, and not dare to go out. There was a lot of talk about addiction, but never ever about healing for several years.

 

I have had windows 5 x 4-5 hours during these years. How are you, can you experience it?

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Hey all!

 

ang, yes, this stuff just keeps changing.  Lately, I seem to feel more depersonalization, derealization, feelings of not being in my body, and--what to call it--self-alienation.  The line between being awake and being asleep gets thinner and thinner.  That might be good for falling asleep, but not so good if it makes being awake feel like a dream.  Oh, I believe the changes in my diet have made a difference, a slight difference, but a help.  Less gluten, less sucrose, no lactose.  And I lost a few pounds.  So at 72 I am back to my high school weight of 152.

 

translator, yes, we must try...I know it is a constant struggle...not to be hard on our selves, not to feel that we are bad or somehow completely messed up because we cannot do what we once did or feel that we should do.  But it is, it really is, the withdrawal.  It hits our nervous system, and saps energy, and produces anxiety.  What we need to do then, because it is all we can do, is try to be kind to ourselves and take care of ourselves, the best we can, till the whole thing passes..

 

Best to all.

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It feels absolutely wonderful when some trouble goes over, even if it's only for a little while. In the past I have had a lot of thought about the stress that I create. I`m also aware that I stop breathing both day and night. And I notice that I get better when I think about this, it hurts more than I have understood.

While doing breathing exercises I work with positive affirmations to get rid of the negative thoughts.

 

When I woke up this morning I felt really bad, was so disappointed. But after my exercises it felt much better. What is also an advantage of this is that I feel much better when I'm going to rest. Earlier I received a lot of palpitations and got anxiety. But now it felt really good! But you never know, at one moment it feels good, and next you'll feel bad again. But I'm so grateful for these moments because I've only had windows for about 20 hours during these 2 years.

 

Is there something that makes you feel better? I hope so with all my heart!

 

 

[[pe...]]

translator, yes.  My exercise makes me feel better.  I do that daily.  Don't know what I would do without it.  As with you, my mornings are just awful.  I too wake up and am disappointed.  Once again, these horrible feelings, and I have to start all over again.  But somehow I make it through the day and have done so now for 26 months.

 

Hey, ang, bjeste, hockey--I am out 26 months today.  That's something.  How are you folks doing?