The December 2015-February 2016 Jump Club

[[an...]]

Oh no are you ok Pensioner?

[[pe...]]

ang, sorry.  Yes, I am OK.  I just irritated my nose and it ran a lot.  But this feeling of being poisoned is pretty frequent.  Just a feeling though.  Not a fact.  I saw on another thread that you are feeling sort of tense, angry, and introverted, I think it was.  I know what you mean by that and hope it clears up for you.  Actually--knock on wood--I have been feeling a bit better the last week or so.  Not good, mind you.  But better.  The morning anxiety has not been quite as intense. I will settle for that....and, in the meantime, this change suggests things may get better still...best...

[[an...]]

We are getting better everyday whether we know it or not. I am sure of that.

[[pe...]]

hey, ang, Knock on wood, but I have the last week or so felt better.  I didn't think that was possible.  But it is.  Note: I said "better," not good. But better can feel good, because maybe it means more "better."  Most particularly, I am sleeping a bit better--still restless--and the morning anxiety is less "crushing."  And at one point yesterday, my brain felt clear. 

 

Darn, now that I just said that, I think I have jinxed myself.  Hey, I know things could go back to where they were, but at least I have had a taste of difference. That's good for now.

 

hey, bjeste, are the clouds lifting at all?

 

hockey, have you had that surgery.

 

translator, I hope your day goes better.

[[tr...]]

Being depressed by this situation, I have hardly been able to take care of myself for over 2 years. Thank goodness, I've been helped to shop for food, but otherwise I've taken care of myself. I've always been very careful about my home, but now it's a bit different ..... But it's coming a day when I get order everything. but feel quite stressed by this situation. I have to try to take a small step at a time, but can only be up 10-15 minutes. But it is still positive, during these 2 years, I have "been unable to turn on the couch". I don`t want to let anyone in my home because it's so messy, I'm ashamed! So now I have to try to take a bit, I have to. Had to talk of me a bit, thank you!

[[bj...]]

Hey all,

 

and Pensi.

 

No.

 

To feel dead is much worse than being dead, they say. Still lonely and passive. But I know life will come back. Some day.

I really hope that all of you are better than me!

[[tr...]]

Hi Bjesti, sometimes it's almost so i wish .... But it would be nice if you could have the same life as the bear, and sleep for a few months. But then I would probably be pretty skinny.

The sadness is strange, nothing is interesting. The days go on nothing. Since I'm still too weak to stand upright, I've been laying on all four and drying the floors. Dragged me to the couch, and could hardly breathe. Am I 100 years old? And how can we be so ill for so long? Today, it's The Freak-Loss-Hair-Day.

 

How is it going for you?

[[pe...]]

hey, bjeste...good to hear from you though sorry that you still have that sense of inward deadness.  I know what that is and it's terrible.  I guess when I say I am feeling better what I mean is  I feel a little more interested in things.  I talk with my wife more about silly things.  Lately I have been messing with a blog I have kept for years.  I couldn't have done that six months ago.  Web stuff takes a lot of concentration.  So things feel a little up.  Though today I feel a little more down....  Life stresses maybe..temperature change perhaps.  It heated up all of a sudden.  A friend has to go in for stem cell therapy.  Who knows...  Lots of things can kick the CNS out of whack...

 

translator, yes, it can feel crummy when your place gets to be a mess.  Right now, my mess seems to be piling up.  It's amazing the junk a person can collect.  Just do what you can do...to clean up.  A little bit at a time.  That's what I am trying to do....

 

Best to all, and Spring is here....

[[tr...]]

Another happy day in paradise! Wondering if this misery ever ends? Day after day, nothing goes on. Want to come out among people, go shopping and do something fun, but it seems to take time. I'm no youth anymore, and sometimes wonder if this may be my reality? Perhaps I feel like this, and it will be forever? But when I've had windows, for a total of 20 hours over these 27 months, I've been fine. Is that my reality? Sometimes I think I'll never be fine. But, but, I must be positive, and believe in the best. Today, the body feels dumb, but at the same time hurts. How do you explain this to others? And that it feels like mold in the whole body?

 

Thank goodness, I have a fantastic family, who does everything to help me. We talk in the summer, with garden and house car, but it feels as far away as another world. They call a few times a day, and ask how I feel, and that makes me very happy. But I have no patience, and can`t engage in what they say. Just waiting for the call to end, and I'll be alone. Do you feel the same, in contact with other people? Do you also think it's hard to engage, and keep a conversation?

[[pe...]]

Yes, translator, it's a sad thing to be talking with a loved one and just want to be done with it.  I had never felt a fatigue like this.  I was a teacher.  I made my living reading, writing, and talking.  And now I sometimes don't speak because I feel too tired.  Amazing.  But that, like all of this, comes and goes....  I hope you have a better day and you are lucky to have such a supportive family...

 

Best...

[[tr...]]

It has become much better, but still has a little trouble with anxiety and palpitation when I'm going to sleep. That makes me stay up for as long as possible, so I'm really tired. But now I can turn the light off, and it's quiet. Is it alike for you?

[[pe...]]

translator, I am married and my wife would object if I didn't turn out the light when we go to bed.  So, no, in that respect it is not the same.  When I wake up in the middle of the night--and that is frequently--I don't turn on the light (until I get out of the room) and I am quiet as a mouse.  In fact I mostly try to not turn the light on because that makes me more awake.  Also now I try not to look at any computer or phone screens after an hour or so before bed.  Some research suggests the light from those screens might stimulate "awake" enzymes.

 

I am now 28 months out, and as I said a while back, I feel a bit better.  Again, as I said then, I feel "better" not good.  Additionally, I am not feeling as "better" as I did a week ago.  Can't say why but I woke up this morning feeling bitter, tired, and at the end of my rope.  Little shocks or spasms of anxiety (or any sort of intense feeling) seem to shake the CNS.  Maybe it's just that yesterday was the birthday of my brother who died of brain cancer three years ago. He would have been 70.

 

In any case, I am hanging in there and plugging away.

 

I hope you all (ang, bjseste, hockey) are doing OK.

 

Best to all..

[[tr...]]

Hello! How is it going for you? Today, I have sat on the couch, with the computer, all day long. Have I done something useful? No. Yes! I have showered! Always something.

[[pe...]]

translator, yes, you did something.  You got up and worked with your computer, and you showered.  That's something.  Today I am going to get a hair cut.  It makes me anxious just to think about it, driving there, and having people see my old balding head.  But I am going to do it, and that will be my activity for the day.  Good for you and good for me.  We are still doing...best to you...

[[Ho...]]

Hey guys. Just dropping by to say hi. I had surgery on my hip last Monday and it went pretty good. My hip was pretty tore up though. More tore up than they thought, had some bone floating around in there. So I have to be on crutches for 6 weeks instead of 2. They give you a pack of pills before they put you out as part of some  Anti-inflammatory and some of the anesthesiologists pills they give you. On my list of allergies I have Benzos on there and there just so happened to be a benzo in that package of pills. She said the name but it was one I had not heard of. There was also gabapentin in there too. I refused both of course and just really makes you think that they put this shit in there and people don't even know and why the heck is it necessary to even have those in there. I have been kinda bored but pretty happy not being at work. I have been getting a lot of studying done for my real estate licence and watching lots and lots of playoff hockey. Got about 4 months left till baby comes and found out it's a BOY. I'm so freaking EXCITED! I hope your all hanging in there. Keep on moving!

[[pe...]]

hey, hockey, glad the surgery went well, and you will be off crutches and on your feet in six weeks.  Hip surgery is much better than it used to be.  And, yes, they seem to put benzos in everything.  I was checking on the meds they give you for a colonoscopy (I have to go in for one of those), and sure enough, they give you a benzo.  So I am going to do it with no meds, or maybe not at all.  Haven't decided yet.  Glad for you that it's a boy.  And, yes, this is the season for hockey.  Me, I watch basketball and there is plenty of that these days too.

 

Best to all!

[[an...]]

Good for you hockey! On all fronts. You sound like a different person.

[[Ho...]]

Good for you hockey! On all fronts. You sound like a different person.

 

Thanks Ang! I think it's mostly cause I'm not around the toxic people at my job. How are you doing?

[[pe...]]

hey, ang, ditto Hockey.  How are you doing these days?  What about an update?

[[tr...]]

How is it going for you? I've gotten a little better (how do you speak in English, knock on wood?). The symptoms are left, but they have started to fade a little. I know it's dangerous to write so, then it hits directly - BAM! But I don`t feel the same despair as I did before, is most nervous and irritated.

 

 

[[pe...]]

translator, yes, that is the right expression.  You "knock on wood" when something positive is happening but you are afraid you might jinx yourself by talking about it.  Me--I am not so hot today.  In fact, I am pretty bad.  Lots of anxiety and lots of fatigue.  When I am in this state, I try to remember I have felt better than this and probably I will again.  So even if your good change goes away, you will be able to remember it did happen once and probably will again.  I hope though the good change continues for you...  It's nice to feel lighter at heart...

 

Best...

[[Ho...]]

translator, yes, that is the right expression.  You "knock on wood" when something positive is happening but you are afraid you might jinx yourself by talking about it.  Me--I am not so hot today.  In fact, I am pretty bad.  Lots of anxiety and lots of fatigue.  When I am in this state, I try to remember I have felt better than this and probably I will again.  So even if your good change goes away, you will be able to remember it did happen once and probably will again.  I hope though the good change continues for you...  It's nice to feel lighter at heart...

 

Best...

 

Hey pens. I've noticed here and there you have mentioned fatigue. Have you ever had your iron checked?

[[pe...]]

hey hockey, yes, I get my blood checked yearly and so far my iron has been ok.  I know low iron can be bad; I have a friend diagnosed with pernicious anemia and right now she is knocked flat.  I have also had my thyroid checked and made adjustments there.  No, I am pretty sure the fatigue is withdrawal related.  I sleep poorly and it could be depression too.  Hope you are well and you are getting prepared for your "new addition."  You made some adjustments with your iron intake? Is that right?  Thanks for asking...

[[Ho...]]

Yea there is still something funky going on with my iron and blood sugar. Regular doc can't figure it out so I will be going to a specialist soon. Thanks. I am very excited about the baby. Can't wait! I went to the doctor today for my post OP on my hip. 4 more weeks on crutches and about 10 more weeks off of work. Hope I don't go stir crazy. Sorry about the tired stuff. I know that can be a real drag. Hopefully it gets better!

[[tr...]]

Hi Hockey! Congratulations to the new family member!

My value for iron has always been low. But getting away, for control, now feels like going to another planet. It is completely incomprehensible how to feel so sick, "flu or electricity in the nervous system". Sitting on the couch with a blanket over me, and getting nothing done. But every time I get up, I try to pick up some things. Tomorrow they come with food, and I want to let them in. But it feels like moving a mountain.

 

Pensioner, how is it going for you?