Polydrugging support group

[[Le...]]

Corsair, my heart goes out to you and the suffering you are experiencing. 

 

The anger, agitation, feeling like everything is ruined, and no-one likes you are emotions I am very familiar with.  Simply put it is a living hell. 

 

I frequently feel lost, alone and "dead" inside. But I refuse to believe the defect is part of our personality. It's these God awful drugs that have been pumped into our brains for years by ignorant doctors.

 

You're in my thoughts...

[[Li...]]

So it is very obvious now what the sx from seroquel are. It sucks because I only tapered 1 mg, which is less than 10%

I have no control over muscle, I am very dizzy and cannot walk properly. I am very agitated, angry, very absolute in my thinking: "everything is ruined" "I should kill myself because noone likes me" (i'm not going to but i do think this way)

I question if it's my personality emerging, or if it is withdrawal. This sucks.

 

I'm sorry you are going through that.  Seroquel was hell for me.  I was "lucky" that I couldn't stay on Seroquel more than a day or two because it made my blood pressure drop and was discontinued.  But I know what it is like to be going through withdrawal from many other antipsychotics like Zyprexa.  Your thoughts are a result of your withdrawal and lack of sleep.  It is great that you are able to taper the Seroquel 1 mg at a time.  That means you will eventually reach the finish line and be med-free.

[[Co...]]

So it is very obvious now what the sx from seroquel are. It sucks because I only tapered 1 mg, which is less than 10%

I have no control over muscle, I am very dizzy and cannot walk properly. I am very agitated, angry, very absolute in my thinking: "everything is ruined" "I should kill myself because noone likes me" (i'm not going to but i do think this way)

I question if it's my personality emerging, or if it is withdrawal. This sucks.

 

I'm sorry you are going through that.  Seroquel was hell for me.  I was "lucky" that I couldn't stay on Seroquel more than a day or two because it made my blood pressure drop and was discontinued.  But I know what it is like to be going through withdrawal from many other antipsychotics like Zyprexa.  Your thoughts are a result of your withdrawal and lack of sleep.  It is great that you are able to taper the Seroquel 1 mg at a time.  That means you will eventually reach the finish line and be med-free.

 

I'm planning on refilling this prescription and not continue tapering. It's way too hard. Thank you for your comment.

Pff I feel so sad these holidays. People look at me in a way as if I'm crazy, but I always did everything anyone wanted from me, I mean I started on these meds when I was just a teenager and I listened to the grown ups.

And now people judge me for something doctors do to me. I'm scared. I hope I can heal one day. But I don't feel confident today, I've been in antidepressant withdrawal for almost a decade. But did not know and kept taking meds they prescribed me.

I wonder if I will ever have a life again. Or if my life is just over.

[[Co...]]

Corsair, my heart goes out to you and the suffering you are experiencing. 

 

The anger, agitation, feeling like everything is ruined, and no-one likes you are emotions I am very familiar with.  Simply put it is a living hell. 

 

I frequently feel lost, alone and "dead" inside. But I refuse to believe the defect is part of our personality. It's these God awful drugs that have been pumped into our brains for years by ignorant doctors.

 

You're in my thoughts...

 

thank you.

You are the only people who really understand me.

[[Li...]]

So it is very obvious now what the sx from seroquel are. It sucks because I only tapered 1 mg, which is less than 10%

I have no control over muscle, I am very dizzy and cannot walk properly. I am very agitated, angry, very absolute in my thinking: "everything is ruined" "I should kill myself because noone likes me" (i'm not going to but i do think this way)

I question if it's my personality emerging, or if it is withdrawal. This sucks.

 

I'm sorry you are going through that.  Seroquel was hell for me.  I was "lucky" that I couldn't stay on Seroquel more than a day or two because it made my blood pressure drop and was discontinued.  But I know what it is like to be going through withdrawal from many other antipsychotics like Zyprexa.  Your thoughts are a result of your withdrawal and lack of sleep.  It is great that you are able to taper the Seroquel 1 mg at a time.  That means you will eventually reach the finish line and be med-free.

 

I'm planning on refilling this prescription and not continue tapering. It's way too hard. Thank you for your comment.

Pff I feel so sad these holidays. People look at me in a way as if I'm crazy, but I always did everything anyone wanted from me, I mean I started on these meds when I was just a teenager and I listened to the grown ups.

And now people judge me for something doctors do to me. I'm scared. I hope I can heal one day. But I don't feel confident today, I've been in antidepressant withdrawal for almost a decade. But did not know and kept taking meds they prescribed me.

I wonder if I will ever have a life again. Or if my life is just over.

 

I understand everything you are going through.  Our stories are very similar.  We got tricked by doctors into taking these poisons as teenagers and now decades later we've run through a gauntlet of almost all the psych meds every made.  I certainly don't feel alive.  People definitely look at me like I'm crazy and they continue to refuse that the meds did any damage.  They always insist that this was a genetic condition.

 

I am not confident in my tapering anymore either.  I get frustrated when people tell me that they fully recovered and I can do the same but they only took something like .5 mg of Klonopin for a month and not 40+ different medications for almost 20 years.  The insomnia from the withdrawals is just too brutal.  I'm barely getting 4 hours of low-quality sleep on medication that should knock someone out instantly for 14 hours straight.  The way I have my tapering schedule planned now, I won't be off everything until December 2018.  I think about what you said all the time...if I ever will have a life again or if my life is just over.

[[Co...]]

So it is very obvious now what the sx from seroquel are. It sucks because I only tapered 1 mg, which is less than 10%

I have no control over muscle, I am very dizzy and cannot walk properly. I am very agitated, angry, very absolute in my thinking: "everything is ruined" "I should kill myself because noone likes me" (i'm not going to but i do think this way)

I question if it's my personality emerging, or if it is withdrawal. This sucks.

 

I'm sorry you are going through that.  Seroquel was hell for me.  I was "lucky" that I couldn't stay on Seroquel more than a day or two because it made my blood pressure drop and was discontinued.  But I know what it is like to be going through withdrawal from many other antipsychotics like Zyprexa.  Your thoughts are a result of your withdrawal and lack of sleep.  It is great that you are able to taper the Seroquel 1 mg at a time.  That means you will eventually reach the finish line and be med-free.

 

I'm planning on refilling this prescription and not continue tapering. It's way too hard. Thank you for your comment.

Pff I feel so sad these holidays. People look at me in a way as if I'm crazy, but I always did everything anyone wanted from me, I mean I started on these meds when I was just a teenager and I listened to the grown ups.

And now people judge me for something doctors do to me. I'm scared. I hope I can heal one day. But I don't feel confident today, I've been in antidepressant withdrawal for almost a decade. But did not know and kept taking meds they prescribed me.

I wonder if I will ever have a life again. Or if my life is just over.

 

I understand everything you are going through.  Our stories are very similar.  We got tricked by doctors into taking these poisons as teenagers and now decades later we've run through a gauntlet of almost all the psych meds every made.  I certainly don't feel alive.  People definitely look at me like I'm crazy and they continue to refuse that the meds did any damage.  They always insist that this was a genetic condition.

 

I am not confident in my tapering anymore either.  I get frustrated when people tell me that they fully recovered and I can do the same but they only took something like .5 mg of Klonopin for a month and not 40+ different medications for almost 20 years.  The insomnia from the withdrawals is just too brutal.  I'm barely getting 4 hours of low-quality sleep on medication that should knock someone out instantly for 14 hours straight.  The way I have my tapering schedule planned now, I won't be off everything until December 2018.  I think about what you said all the time...if I ever will have a life again or if my life is just over.

 

Thank you for relating, sorry you're suffering too. I try not to think too much about it, but can't help it. I used to have a high IQ, they tell me it is still there, but for me that is bulls**t, I cannot even remember what someone told me 5 minutes ago. Probably if I did not  go on pills I would have attended university and attained a high degree, build a nice carreer, go abroad,...

Now I'm in my late twenties and disabled, being moody all the time, no concentration, no memory, feeling awful all the time. Almost no friends (some sticked around but ony see/hear them once every three months, it's better than none though I guess) Sitting at home and not being able to even do my chores. Don't have a driving license (when I tried to go for it my eyes stopped working, so there you have it, doctors did not know why...) If I'm able to cook , it has been a succesful day.

I don't want to feel sorry for myself. But with the persistent memory thing, I constantly flash back to my teenage years full of dreams. Then enter a real depression (you know what I mean, not this kind we are experiencing since the pills) with a real reason. And horrible doctors who put me on an SSRI AND an antipsychotic. When I did not have sleeping problems or bipolar or anything. Why the f... did they give a young teenager such heavy pills? I'm planning on picking up my medical history this week (if I'm succesful)

I want to start working out the details about my past.

 

Sometimes I can understand how every single one person on this forum is a hero for going through this. And a second later I think: god, I can't do this. I'm too weak.

My husband sometimes tells me when I'm apologizing all the time for freaking out/yelling, "you don't sleep, how do you think anyone would react?" Probably the same way but that does not make me any more functional. Hopefully my gp will prescribe me this dosage again. I'm also always scared one day they will just cut me off and I will be lost then.

[[Co...]]

Life in chaos how are you now?

[[Li...]]

I relate to pretty much everything you said in your last post here from December.  We have very similar stories.  I'm just a little bit older than you.  However, I'm not married but I couldn't imagine a wife being patient enough to deal with me in this condition.

 

I feel a bit trapped right now.  My sleep is still poor but it's somewhat manageable.  I have to see if I can continue tapering off of Depakote by switching over to the liquid form called Depakene because I've hit a wall at 500 mg and the Depakote Sprinkles capsules are too difficult to deal with and I am not able to get accurate measurements.  Have your symptoms improved at all recently?

[[Co...]]

I relate to pretty much everything you said in your last post here from December.  We have very similar stories.  I'm just a little bit older than you.  However, I'm not married but I couldn't imagine a wife being patient enough to deal with me in this condition.

 

I feel a bit trapped right now.  My sleep is still poor but it's somewhat manageable.  I have to see if I can continue tapering off of Depakote by switching over to the liquid form called Depakene because I've hit a wall at 500 mg and the Depakote Sprinkles capsules are too difficult to deal with and I am not able to get accurate measurements.  Have your symptoms improved at all recently?

 

I know, I relate to you. I feel like us poly druggers are in a much unstabler situation.  I hope it will go well for you with the depakene. I'm awake with akathesia again but I decided I will only taper to 15 mgs and ask (beg?) to stay on this dosage for a half year. I feel like tapering is not in my best interest right now. It brings me so much stress. And I'm already in a severe disabling withdrawal from the other pills. I've been up googling all kinds of stuff. Not the best calming method though.

Some stuff got a little better (dryness is still very severe but not unbearable anymore for example) but insomnia urgh and akathesia and muscle cramps.

It's a new year , I hope this year will be better than the last one. But tapering my seroquel is not possible now. I hope I will recover It has to. I hear Frantastic talk about that book "spark" all the time, maybe I should buy it. I feel like I would try anything that is remotely helpful.

I've been together with my dh for 3 years now, so not a long time and already in withdrawal. (but did not know at the time) I have had a lot of bad relationships before. It makes sense now. Don't date when you don't feel good about yourself. Got abused by two exes. (you know what's funny, all my 'real' problems are nothing in compared to this withdrawal thing, there is nothing that is as bad as this)

 

[[Li...]]

I relate to pretty much everything you said in your last post here from December.  We have very similar stories.  I'm just a little bit older than you.  However, I'm not married but I couldn't imagine a wife being patient enough to deal with me in this condition.

 

I feel a bit trapped right now.  My sleep is still poor but it's somewhat manageable.  I have to see if I can continue tapering off of Depakote by switching over to the liquid form called Depakene because I've hit a wall at 500 mg and the Depakote Sprinkles capsules are too difficult to deal with and I am not able to get accurate measurements.  Have your symptoms improved at all recently?

 

I know, I relate to you. I feel like us poly druggers are in a much unstabler situation.  I hope it will go well for you with the depakene. I'm awake with akathesia again but I decided I will only taper to 15 mgs and ask (beg?) to stay on this dosage for a half year. I feel like tapering is not in my best interest right now. It brings me so much stress. And I'm already in a severe disabling withdrawal from the other pills. I've been up googling all kinds of stuff. Not the best calming method though.

Some stuff got a little better (dryness is still very severe but not unbearable anymore for example) but insomnia urgh and akathesia and muscle cramps.

It's a new year , I hope this year will be better than the last one. But tapering my seroquel is not possible now. I hope I will recover It has to. I hear Frantastic talk about that book "spark" all the time, maybe I should buy it. I feel like I would try anything that is remotely helpful.

I've been together with my dh for 3 years now, so not a long time and already in withdrawal. (but did not know at the time) I have had a lot of bad relationships before. It makes sense now. Don't date when you don't feel good about yourself. Got abused by two exes. (you know what's funny, all my 'real' problems are nothing in compared to this withdrawal thing, there is nothing that is as bad as this)

 

I wish I could go back in time to the mid 1990s and slap myself in the face and say that those "real problems" I were facing are nothing compared to enduring a life of torture in the mental health system.

 

Spark is a pretty good book.  It's a decent distraction and a confidence booster.  However, the main action steps from that book are simply to exercise so you can help rebalance your neurotransmitter levels.  Following the steps in the book let me to exercise way past my limitations for my age and that is why I damaged my foot though.  Relationships are completely out the window for me until I can get off the meds.

 

You say you have akathisia as a symptom.  I had this symptom / "side effect" only when taking antipsychotics.  Abilify was by far the worst offender and I had to cold turkey the Abilify as a result.  Fortunately, the akathisia went away quickly after discontinuation.  What medication(s) do you think are causing akathisia?  I'm guessing that it is the Seroquel that you are on instead of withdrawal symptoms from other medications.  You have to eliminate the akathisia any way possible because that is definitely in the top 5 of worst "side effects" that any of the psychiatric medications cause.

 

What exactly are you doing to produce 15 mg of Seroquel?  I know there is a 25 mg pill but I'm not sure if that particular medication can be reduced without a compound pharmacy.  I think there are only tablets available instead of capsules.  The reason I say this is I remember when during one of my many inpatient hospital stays, there was a 19 year old guy who faked having schizophrenia so he could get a script for Seroquel.  He said that he would just crush up a 300 mg pill of Seroquel and snort it to get high. 

[[Co...]]

I relate to pretty much everything you said in your last post here from December.  We have very similar stories.  I'm just a little bit older than you.  However, I'm not married but I couldn't imagine a wife being patient enough to deal with me in this condition.

 

I feel a bit trapped right now.  My sleep is still poor but it's somewhat manageable.  I have to see if I can continue tapering off of Depakote by switching over to the liquid form called Depakene because I've hit a wall at 500 mg and the Depakote Sprinkles capsules are too difficult to deal with and I am not able to get accurate measurements.  Have your symptoms improved at all recently?

 

I know, I relate to you. I feel like us poly druggers are in a much unstabler situation.  I hope it will go well for you with the depakene. I'm awake with akathesia again but I decided I will only taper to 15 mgs and ask (beg?) to stay on this dosage for a half year. I feel like tapering is not in my best interest right now. It brings me so much stress. And I'm already in a severe disabling withdrawal from the other pills. I've been up googling all kinds of stuff. Not the best calming method though.

Some stuff got a little better (dryness is still very severe but not unbearable anymore for example) but insomnia urgh and akathesia and muscle cramps.

It's a new year , I hope this year will be better than the last one. But tapering my seroquel is not possible now. I hope I will recover It has to. I hear Frantastic talk about that book "spark" all the time, maybe I should buy it. I feel like I would try anything that is remotely helpful.

I've been together with my dh for 3 years now, so not a long time and already in withdrawal. (but did not know at the time) I have had a lot of bad relationships before. It makes sense now. Don't date when you don't feel good about yourself. Got abused by two exes. (you know what's funny, all my 'real' problems are nothing in compared to this withdrawal thing, there is nothing that is as bad as this)

 

I wish I could go back in time to the mid 1990s and slap myself in the face and say that those "real problems" I were facing are nothing compared to enduring a life of torture in the mental health system.

 

Spark is a pretty good book.  It's a decent distraction and a confidence booster.  However, the main action steps from that book are simply to exercise so you can help rebalance your neurotransmitter levels.  Following the steps in the book let me to exercise way past my limitations for my age and that is why I damaged my foot though.  Relationships are completely out the window for me until I can get off the meds.

 

You say you have akathisia as a symptom.  I had this symptom / "side effect" only when taking antipsychotics.  Abilify was by far the worst offender and I had to cold turkey the Abilify as a result.  Fortunately, the akathisia went away quickly after discontinuation.  What medication(s) do you think are causing akathisia?  I'm guessing that it is the Seroquel that you are on instead of withdrawal symptoms from other medications.  You have to eliminate the akathisia any way possible because that is definitely in the top 5 of worst "side effects" that any of the psychiatric medications cause.

 

What exactly are you doing to produce 15 mg of Seroquel?  I know there is a 25 mg pill but I'm not sure if that particular medication can be reduced without a compound pharmacy.  I think there are only tablets available instead of capsules.  The reason I say this is I remember when during one of my many inpatient hospital stays, there was a 19 year old guy who faked having schizophrenia so he could get a script for Seroquel.  He said that he would just crush up a 300 mg pill of Seroquel and snort it to get high. 

 

A gp is prescribing me compounded pills. But only monthly. So I'm in constant fear of running out. I hope he will prescribe it for a half year when I tell him I want to stop tapering.

Yes I know it's a possible side effect of seroquel, but the problem is, I do not sleep without it neither. So best to go slow. Also very scared for rebound psychosis. I already feel a bit out of touch with reality after every cut. And I'm going super slow. I think it's the kindling factor. i already cold turkeyed/rapid tapered two last year.

So I have no choice but to go very slow. I try to encourage myself by telling myself you are only on 1 med anymore and not on the full dosage. So I should be proud and not obsess constantly over it. But yeah. Of course I want to stop taking dangerous drugs 

I think the end of the year/next year will be a better bet to taper for me. You know how hard it is with multiple drugs. I'm already glad I survived the previous tapers. I was on so many drugs. it's ridiculous.

I had akathesia a few years back too, but I was on risperdal for ten years, so I could have been a side effect too. God. That's just terrible.

[[Do...]]

Cosair and others, when I see the high dosages you are battling with I feel so sad. I can't imagine the intensity of symptoms. I have my own array of drugs I took and am taking but it was the heroin that I took huge amounts of. I'm sure that rewired my brain permanantly. Decades later I'm still trying to mop up this mess. I don't know what I'll find when I finish. I does put your life on hold and limit success, although I have achieved much, it never lasts.

 

Our relationships are poor especially if we had poor models and/or started medicating when young. Our perceptions are rattled. I think we begin to believe we below in an outcast group. I still feel that way at times. Despite all that the courage it takes to persevere, to stop the madness, to get past the indifferent families etc, makes us part of the human race, which at times can seem like we are not. It's the antipsychotics, the benzos and such. Luckily I could never stomach antidepressants. They made me hallucinate. I was taking a handful of pills like Respirdol, Busbar and other useless stuff. How could anyone prescribe such things without doing any blood work? I saved myself the deep depression these drugs gave me by finding a natural healing book and taking everything they mentioned for lethargy. We must find what works for ourself since everyone is different. Our body chemistry varies, our life eperiences, our mental conditions.

 

Keep believing you can get better and do all you can to make that a reality. I remained sludgy for years. PTSD is still with me. Reaching out is so important. Glad to see you continue to talk about what is going on with you. This time writing has given me relief, coming out of morning palpitations and distrust of a living situation that makes things worse more often than not.

 

Persevere dear people. The end to misery is near, it just may take a long difficult road. Such is life though.

[[Co...]]

Thank you dog tag for your message! I wish you lot's of healing. It's a tough road isn't it.

So after a lot of thinking (read: worrying) I decided to stay on 17mgs of seroquel. I hope the doctor understands.

I still sleep poorly after that 7% cut. So I am way too unstable. I hope this way it will be easier when I taper in the fall.

[[Do...]]

Hi all, Glad you got something from my ramble corsair. I'm at the tightening/squeezing in upper torso stage as one detoxer put it. Was worried about heart but so far believing what people say about withdrawal symptoms has helped me keep steady. I didn't get the Fulbright Grant I wanted but I think that's a good thing at this point. I'm making much progress with my artwork/writing and probably would have trouble in India being newly detoxed.

 

Either way, this website helps me keep it real but no overblown. I just have to sludge through it to reach the goal. I was a bit antsy (watched Pawn Sacrifice--Bobby Fischer and related to the magnification of noise but not the paranoia) but am going to let it ride. That's the best I think.

 

Keeping my eye on the prize--med free.

[[Co...]]

Hi all, Glad you got something from my ramble corsair. I'm at the tightening/squeezing in upper torso stage as one detoxer put it. Was worried about heart but so far believing what people say about withdrawal symptoms has helped me keep steady. I didn't get the Fulbright Grant I wanted but I think that's a good thing at this point. I'm making much progress with my artwork/writing and probably would have trouble in India being newly detoxed.

 

Either way, this website helps me keep it real but no overblown. I just have to sludge through it to reach the goal. I was a bit antsy (watched Pawn Sacrifice--Bobby Fischer and related to the magnification of noise but not the paranoia) but am going to let it ride. That's the best I think.

 

Keeping my eye on the prize--med free.

 

Are you from India or did you travel to India? I really wish I could visit India one day. Now it does not seem possible, I cannot even go to another city. I have the squeezing muscles too. But all on the right side (everyone talks about left side, I'm apparently the opposite)

[[Co...]]

I am so scared  :'( I have muscle contractions and I am so scared I have developed tardive dyskinesia which could be permanent. I really want to rapid taper again, I'm so bad at this slow taper thing  :'( Could someone please tell me about their antipsychotic tapers?

[[Do...]]

Corsair, I know the feeling. Sometimes it's hard to separate where these scary symptoms come from. I took cymbalta and my throat kept jerking around. Really messed up. Once it took Haldal and my tongue wouldn't stay on my mouth. I was at a restaurant so it was super embarrassing. Recently I had the twitchy leg thing that would not stop for a good while. I wanted to jump out of my chair.

 

I guess you never know how your body will react to any of these drugs. I'm fairly sensitive in some areas. Could never take antidepressants because I would hallucinate--hear voices as loud as day or see color flashes or hear loud claps. I still get the loud clap once in a while. Also had the electrical buzz in my head a lot.

 

Finally, what I found is getting off every thing is the only way. There comes a point when you have to hang on and ride it out. Try this long meditation specific to psychiatric drugs. It helps me put everything in perspective http://youtu.be/tswCgrK6Jqk.

 

You will get past it all. Best wishes and peace to you.

[[Co...]]

Thank you for your words. I appreciate it! It's good to hear from others with these experiences. I'm going to acupuncture today, I will ask if he will help me with my taper (help with the sx). I'll start a liquid titration from seroquel. I want off so badly. it's obsessive.

[[Do...]]

It will come but it does seem endless and tyrannical. I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule though I sold my soul to the devil to get it. I need that right now to recover. I started out taking huge amounts of everything, hence the long term tale/recovery. I didn't think it would every end or that being right in my head was possible. I function fairly well but I have little lifestyle stability. Can get and keep jobs put have nothing to show for it. Am fortunate to be talented so I create things and that helps. I teach and am compassionate so that's effective. Normal life was laws outside the parameters of my life but that may be another story.

 

I came back from the dead, suffered intensely in decades of recovering from drugs and trauma, often seeing no end insight. I never had the nervous breakdown but felt very close to its edge. Now after looking at the good the bad and ugly methods of exerting better, I developed significant coping skills. I was definitely a long shot. If I can get to this point so can you.

 

Say with it, keep posting, keep searching.

 

Best of wishes to you.

[[Co...]]

It will come but it does seem endless and tyrannical. I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule though I sold my soul to the devil to get it. I need that right now to recover. I started out taking huge amounts of everything, hence the long term tale/recovery. I didn't think it would every end or that being right in my head was possible. I function fairly well but I have little lifestyle stability. Can get and keep jobs put have nothing to show for it. Am fortunate to be talented so I create things and that helps. I teach and am compassionate so that's effective. Normal life was laws outside the parameters of my life but that may be another story.

 

I came back from the dead, suffered intensely in decades of recovering from drugs and trauma, often seeing no end insight. I never had the nervous breakdown but felt very close to its edge. Now after looking at the good the bad and ugly methods of exerting better, I developed significant coping skills. I was definitely a long shot. If I can get to this point so can you.

 

Say with it, keep posting, keep searching.

 

Best of wishes to you.

 

Sounds hopeful to me. I'm in a very very bad place right now. No sleep. Shaking, trembling, vibrating, jerking. I'm hoping I won't have a mental breakdown. i'm hoping I don't have permanent damage from the pills. I'm so f***** scared. I cannot take this. If anyone reads this, when you are withdrawing from benzo's don't complicate things by throwing other drugs in the mix. It's so much worse than you can imagine.

[[Do...]]

Cosair, I have been in the place you describe for a very long time. I wound up using or up dosing so it extended it. You are under a doctors care, yes? If I knew of this website a long time ago, at least I would have know that others were struggling as I was. I can tell you that waiting to detox just takes more from your life. You lose time you could have spent in health. I took all sorts of mixes and I did survive. I'm not sure if I'm lucky or physically resistant. What I do know is it took more than it ever gave and the meds seem far worse on the body and mind than the hard stuff. But who knows really.

 

All you can do is use whatever at your disposal to stay sane and remain unafraid. Both of those things are a challenge. I'm 60 and have nothing but somehow I stay hopeful or enlightened. Execute helps a lot. Just shoveling and walking up the steep hills and having to carry around heavy books and laptop kept me spry.

 

As an aside, friends who have everything are not as happy as I think they should be. They're not really challenged by life like we are. I feel I'm as happy as they are with al those perks of being balanced so in the end, it's all relative. I hope you are feeling better. It's hard to see the light when you're in a dark tunnel but time is everything. Time and health. I'm in very good health considering everything.

 

The lack of sleep magnifies everything. It is painful and makes one very edgy. Sooner or later you will sleep. I had three years of major nightmares every night. I don't know how I got through it.

 

Hang tight. Or as the sailors of old would say, hold fast. (During rough storms so you don't fall into the sea--a good analogy I think.)

 

My very best wishes to you.

[[Li...]]

It will come but it does seem endless and tyrannical. I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule though I sold my soul to the devil to get it. I need that right now to recover. I started out taking huge amounts of everything, hence the long term tale/recovery. I didn't think it would every end or that being right in my head was possible. I function fairly well but I have little lifestyle stability. Can get and keep jobs put have nothing to show for it. Am fortunate to be talented so I create things and that helps. I teach and am compassionate so that's effective. Normal life was laws outside the parameters of my life but that may be another story.

 

I came back from the dead, suffered intensely in decades of recovering from drugs and trauma, often seeing no end insight. I never had the nervous breakdown but felt very close to its edge. Now after looking at the good the bad and ugly methods of exerting better, I developed significant coping skills. I was definitely a long shot. If I can get to this point so can you.

 

Say with it, keep posting, keep searching.

 

Best of wishes to you.

 

Sounds hopeful to me. I'm in a very very bad place right now. No sleep. Shaking, trembling, vibrating, jerking. I'm hoping I won't have a mental breakdown. i'm hoping I don't have permanent damage from the pills. I'm so f***** scared. I cannot take this. If anyone reads this, when you are withdrawing from benzo's don't complicate things by throwing other drugs in the mix. It's so much worse than you can imagine.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly Corsair.  Was there ever a point where you were helped by Seroquel?  I know dosages range from 25 mg to an upper limit of around 800 mg.  I know that on multiple occasions I was given Seroquel to sleep and all it did was drop my blood pressure so low.  It wouldn't put me to sleep at all.  It would cause shaking, trembling, etc. that you describe and then I would just refuse to take it again.  Did you reduce from 17 mg to something lower?  I just don't want you to give up on getting off everything since you are are still young and you are basically in the home stretch to reach 0 mg of Seroquel and be free of the mental health system forever.

[[Co...]]

It will come but it does seem endless and tyrannical. I'm lucky to have a flexible schedule though I sold my soul to the devil to get it. I need that right now to recover. I started out taking huge amounts of everything, hence the long term tale/recovery. I didn't think it would every end or that being right in my head was possible. I function fairly well but I have little lifestyle stability. Can get and keep jobs put have nothing to show for it. Am fortunate to be talented so I create things and that helps. I teach and am compassionate so that's effective. Normal life was laws outside the parameters of my life but that may be another story.

 

I came back from the dead, suffered intensely in decades of recovering from drugs and trauma, often seeing no end insight. I never had the nervous breakdown but felt very close to its edge. Now after looking at the good the bad and ugly methods of exerting better, I developed significant coping skills. I was definitely a long shot. If I can get to this point so can you.

 

Say with it, keep posting, keep searching.

 

Best of wishes to you.

 

Sounds hopeful to me. I'm in a very very bad place right now. No sleep. Shaking, trembling, vibrating, jerking. I'm hoping I won't have a mental breakdown. i'm hoping I don't have permanent damage from the pills. I'm so f***** scared. I cannot take this. If anyone reads this, when you are withdrawing from benzo's don't complicate things by throwing other drugs in the mix. It's so much worse than you can imagine.

 

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly Corsair.  Was there ever a point where you were helped by Seroquel?  I know dosages range from 25 mg to an upper limit of around 800 mg.  I know that on multiple occasions I was given Seroquel to sleep and all it did was drop my blood pressure so low.  It wouldn't put me to sleep at all.  It would cause shaking, trembling, etc. that you describe and then I would just refuse to take it again.  Did you reduce from 17 mg to something lower?  I just don't want you to give up on getting off everything since you are are still young and you are basically in the home stretch to reach 0 mg of Seroquel and be free of the mental health system forever.

 

I don't know because it was inpatient facility, I cold turkeyed my xanax because i was in tolerance withdrawal (very smart move, right? I did not know about benzo's) Ended up in the hospital after 4 days. And there they gave me dalmane and seroquel. So I asked about a taper , they said I would just be fine with a one week taper (again how smart was that? God those doctors) And so I rapid tapered my dalmane and got in trouble, ended up on benzobuddies, and held my seroquel stable, because I thought I would be fine after a few months. Even added trazodone to sleep (again the doctor thought that was a great idea) I have been trying to get off since the beginning.

Just that every 1 mg cut is so hard. (it sound stupid because such a low dosage, but definitely because of kindling) If my dalmane acute was a 10, every 1 mg cut now is a 6. So that is pretty hard.

 

Thank you. I reduced to 16mg 3 days ago, need to adjust my signature.

[[Do...]]

I'm no expert but those are huge cuts Cosair. Between the effects of the drugs themselves and tapering it's no wonder your body is on a rampage. But you are doing it. That's very brave. When I was a junkie I found doctors would give me want I was asking for. When I went to them for assistance when I was at wits end emotionally, I got clononpin and then xanax. My doctor was a kind man. He was a good therapist too. Looked at all my work. His wife had been in Auschwitz. He wanted me to be "comfortable." It did help clear the field once I dosed down but at what price. I remember sleeping on the floor wishing for morning so I could go to work (a very abusive and stressful job but work I liked). This medication is not worth any good it may have provided. You are in a very hard place. I drink lots of water and good green tea. Get a tui na massage when I can. I'm not sure my life will improve but yours can. You have so much time ahead of you. We'd all like you to be free from this hell, for that is what it is and will always be. I hope you listen to your own body and internal wisdom. All good things come with time, I've found. It is amazing what you will see, what facts of your life will be revealed without the medications.

 

Get to the clearing. There is air there.

[[Co...]]

Just a quick message because I'm super tired, but I saw the benzo/AD/AP wise psychiatrist today!

Feeling very hopefull and less alone now. This is great. It does make a difference if a pdoc is educated about the matter