Having very dark thoughts

[[St...]]

Hello everyone.
I'm 1 month and 2 weeks post jump, following a very rough 6 month taper.
I've recently started feeling really depressed and I'm having some dark thoughts that scare me.
I had times where I felt very sad and hopeless during my taper, but I didn't feel like this. 

Is it normal to suddenly start being depressed over a month post jump?
Has this happened to any of you? Is this part of the recovery?
 

[[Re...]]

Hello @[St...], unfortunately, it seems like many people deal with these overly negative thoughts of decay. I am so sorry, I understand what you have been going through as I have had this for quite a while. Everything I saw on a screen, everything that reminded me of the past was followed by a wave of very depressive thoughts. Even conversations with my parents, seeing old photographs. I know it is horrible.

However, around months 4 or 5 I was able to use my computer again, going back to hobbies, now I successful organized a lot of my stuff I have since my graduation which is incredible. Yes, it has been full of many years letters, personal items, gifts, but I could do what I planned without mayor issues. 

This is really temporary @[St...], please try to find anything in the meantime that distracts your attention. Recovery is on the way! 

[[St...]]

9 minutes ago, [[R...] said:

Hello @[St...], unfortunately, it seems like many people deal with these overly negative thoughts of decay. I am so sorry, I understand what you have been going through as I have had this for quite a while. Everything I saw on a screen, everything that reminded me of the past was followed by a wave of very depressive thoughts. Even conversations with my parents, seeing old photographs. I know it is horrible.

However, around months 4 or 5 I was able to use my computer again, going back to hobbies, now I successful organized a lot of my stuff I have since my graduation which is incredible. Yes, it has been full of many years letters, personal items, gifts, but I could do what I planned without mayor issues. 

This is really temporary @[St...], please try to find anything in the meantime that distracts your attention. Recovery is on the way! 

Thank you for the reply.

Iv'e kinda been feeling like you described.
It saddens me to see the past.. It reminds me how different things were and how temporary everything is.
I try to snap out of it, but my mind goes into these damn spirals I can't get out of. Everything just seems like an overwhelming task that I no longer have the fight in me for. It's hard to see the point.

I kinda just want to know that it's still the Benzo's I'm fighting.. That this has happened to others and that it will improve.

[[tb...]]

I too am hoping when I am off the Clonazepam I will be able to function. For over 10 years no one told me of the effects of taking the benzo pill. My psychitrist hasn't a clue of the effects and remains in denial that they can do serious harm. 

[[jo...]]

I have experienced dark deprssion and it IS the withdrawls. I've experienced "normal" depression in my life and it doesn't compare. The intrusive thoughts that pray mercilessly on your insecureities and the feeling that your going mad, your own mind is assaulting you and it will never pass...it passes. Trust me. This is not who you are.

[[Br...]]

7 hours ago, [[S...] said:

Thank you for the reply.

Iv'e kinda been feeling like you described.
It saddens me to see the past.. It reminds me how different things were and how temporary everything is.
I try to snap out of it, but my mind goes into these damn spirals I can't get out of. Everything just seems like an overwhelming task that I no longer have the fight in me for. It's hard to see the point.

I kinda just want to know that it's still the Benzo's I'm fighting.. That this has happened to others and that it will improve.

Hello @[St...] - What you describe is normal during withdrawal I'm sorry to say. I'm guessing most of our members strongly relate to what you're going through. I experienced these symptoms too and it was one of the most miserable, difficult things I've ever gone through.  But over time, I healed and I recovered.  

The pervasive sense of doom and gloom, as well as ruminating on intrusive memories are often at their most intense during the first few months of withdrawal.  It's impossible to snap out of it because your brain keeps sending out these haywire signals as it works to re-establish equilibrium after benzos.  It will ease up with time.  In the meantime, the best tools we know of are Distraction and the best self care you can muster.  Distraction simply means pouring your attention into something that shifts your focus away from your symptoms and from feeling stuck in distressing thought loops.  Distracting activities can be going for a walk outside, watching funny shows on TV, hobbies, arts, crafts, listening to music, puzzles, etc.  It may sound too simple to be effective but it can help make the time pass with less suffering.

I found this piece really helpful in understanding why everything looked so desperately tragic to me when I was in early withdrawal: What is happening in your brain?

Please be sure to read Success Stories when you need encouragement.  

 

[[st...]]

This does happen and it is the drugs not wanting to let go. It does pass when one day it’s just gone. The more things I did, even if they were little, helped to push this feeling aside.