Polydrugging support group

[[ga...]]

Ah, the waiting game! You are so strong. …. But we just have to keep going! Like Winston Churchill said... "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really admire you all for sticking to your resolve to get through this polydrugging hell. 

 

Also, I ordered a milligram scale to help me taper down slowly from Effexor and I think it should arrive today. I'm excited to keep going down... trying to shut the fears out.

 

100% agree! 

[[Li...]]

How many of us polydrugged people here have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?  I'm back at the point where I'm not sleeping at all and feeling a bit hypomanic after slowly tapering from 3 mg of Klonopin down to 2 mg of Klonopin.  I'm becoming increasingly discouraged and I think I may have iatrogenic bipolar disorder from taking so many medications.  This is all very discouraging and I don't know what my next action steps should be to help myself.

[[dp...]]

I'll join the poly drug club. Don't want to but it is what it is!

 

Curious, is anyone else suffering severe physical effects from being drugged for years? I very much have symptoms of CFS... can't exercise, always exhausted, depressed, anxious, and I have trouble functioning .. ever since I was c/t off Lexapro a few years ago.

 

Now I have the 4 drugs to taper. somehow.

[[ga...]]

How many of us polydrugged people here have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?  I'm back at the point where I'm not sleeping at all and feeling a bit hypomanic after slowly tapering from 3 mg of Klonopin down to 2 mg of Klonopin.  I'm becoming increasingly discouraged and I think I may have iatrogenic bipolar disorder from taking so many medications.  This is all very discouraging and I don't know what my next action steps should be to help myself.

 

I became hypomanic for the first time in my life when I got near the end of my trazodone taper, but when I was finally off of it, the hypomania went away completely.

[[ra...]]

Thanks gardener!

 

I definitely feel like the drugs have made my anxiety and depression much worse over time. Before I found out about benzo dependence and long-term effects of antidepressants, I thought I might have CFS because I feel exhausted all the time too. I'm definitely having a lot of trouble exercising and being motivated to do anything right now. I think I'm still having a lot of issues from withdrawal and just need to join the rest of you in a waiting game.

 

I found the name of a doctor on the SurvivingAntidepressants forum who is pretty close to me. I am really hoping that they can give me more informed guidance on dealing with benzo withdrawal and trying to taper slowly down off Effexor. I just sent in my intake forms so I guess we'll see.

 

Good luck to all of you. 

[[ga...]]

Thanks gardener!

 

I definitely feel like the drugs have made my anxiety and depression much worse over time. Before I found out about benzo dependence and long-term effects of antidepressants, I thought I might have CFS because I feel exhausted all the time too. I'm definitely having a lot of trouble exercising and being motivated to do anything right now. I think I'm still having a lot of issues from withdrawal and just need to join the rest of you in a waiting game.

 

I found the name of a doctor on the SurvivingAntidepressants forum who is pretty close to me. I am really hoping that they can give me more informed guidance on dealing with benzo withdrawal and trying to taper slowly down off Effexor. I just sent in my intake forms so I guess we'll see.

 

Good luck to all of you. 

 

So glad to hear you found potential helpful doctor!  I have been tripped up by many, many really bad healthcare providers, but I kept plugging away and think I have a good team now. It's worth the effort!

[[Li...]]

How many of us polydrugged people here have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?  I'm back at the point where I'm not sleeping at all and feeling a bit hypomanic after slowly tapering from 3 mg of Klonopin down to 2 mg of Klonopin.  I'm becoming increasingly discouraged and I think I may have iatrogenic bipolar disorder from taking so many medications.  This is all very discouraging and I don't know what my next action steps should be to help myself.

 

I became hypomanic for the first time in my life when I got near the end of my trazodone taper, but when I was finally off of it, the hypomania went away completely.

 

This is good news to hear gardener.  I'm hoping I can fight through this latest batch of insomnia/hypomania/whatever it is and not throw in the towel.

[[ga...]]

How many of us polydrugged people here have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder?  I'm back at the point where I'm not sleeping at all and feeling a bit hypomanic after slowly tapering from 3 mg of Klonopin down to 2 mg of Klonopin.  I'm becoming increasingly discouraged and I think I may have iatrogenic bipolar disorder from taking so many medications.  This is all very discouraging and I don't know what my next action steps should be to help myself.

 

I became hypomanic for the first time in my life when I got near the end of my trazodone taper, but when I was finally off of it, the hypomania went away completely.

 

This is good news to hear gardener.  I'm hoping I can fight through this latest batch of insomnia/hypomania/whatever it is and not throw in the towel.

 

[[Co...]]

Ah, the waiting game! You are so strong. I think thoughts like yours are what we need to keep going. Being able to keep breathing from second to second, knowing that at least it's not the worst it's ever been. That's absolutely what's kept me going for the past few months. And I think I am so much better than I have been. It is just such a long road and sometimes I go back down. But we just have to keep going! Like Winston Churchill said... "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really admire you all for sticking to your resolve to get through this polydrugging hell. 

 

I'm filling out intake papers to see a psychiatrist who might have more experience with the dangers of polydrugging and who I'm hoping will be able to help me more than my current one. Wishing and hoping!

 

Also, I ordered a milligram scale to help me taper down slowly from Effexor and I think it should arrive today. I'm excited to keep going down... trying to shut the fears out.

 

Thank you, very sweet of you!

 

So i'm 12 days since my cut. I have some new sx that I read about before (electric zaps, and jerks before falling to sleep) Which I really do not like. And did not sleep much tonight (4 hours, so still better than acute) But I had a fight with my husband last night (I actually think because of withdrawal, I suddenly felt as if he did not love me, which is stupid because obviously he does, i just felt really scared suddenly) So probably contributed to the less sleep.

Wondering when I'll get a window again. Maybe in a week i hope.

I'm happy though I'm already at 25 mgs of trazodone, because I do not like the side effects.

[[Li...]]

Ah, the waiting game! You are so strong. I think thoughts like yours are what we need to keep going. Being able to keep breathing from second to second, knowing that at least it's not the worst it's ever been. That's absolutely what's kept me going for the past few months. And I think I am so much better than I have been. It is just such a long road and sometimes I go back down. But we just have to keep going! Like Winston Churchill said... "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really admire you all for sticking to your resolve to get through this polydrugging hell. 

 

I'm filling out intake papers to see a psychiatrist who might have more experience with the dangers of polydrugging and who I'm hoping will be able to help me more than my current one. Wishing and hoping!

 

Also, I ordered a milligram scale to help me taper down slowly from Effexor and I think it should arrive today. I'm excited to keep going down... trying to shut the fears out.

 

Thank you, very sweet of you!

 

So i'm 12 days since my cut. I have some new sx that I read about before (electric zaps, and jerks before falling to sleep) Which I really do not like. And did not sleep much tonight (4 hours, so still better than acute) But I had a fight with my husband last night (I actually think because of withdrawal, I suddenly felt as if he did not love me, which is stupid because obviously he does, i just felt really scared suddenly) So probably contributed to the less sleep.

Wondering when I'll get a window again. Maybe in a week i hope.

I'm happy though I'm already at 25 mgs of trazodone, because I do not like the side effects.

 

Corsair12, glad to hear you got at least 4 hours instead of zero.  Were the electric zaps and jerks always the cause of your insomnia or did you just lay there and you just simply do not fall asleep?

[[Co...]]

Ah, the waiting game! You are so strong. I think thoughts like yours are what we need to keep going. Being able to keep breathing from second to second, knowing that at least it's not the worst it's ever been. That's absolutely what's kept me going for the past few months. And I think I am so much better than I have been. It is just such a long road and sometimes I go back down. But we just have to keep going! Like Winston Churchill said... "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really admire you all for sticking to your resolve to get through this polydrugging hell. 

 

I'm filling out intake papers to see a psychiatrist who might have more experience with the dangers of polydrugging and who I'm hoping will be able to help me more than my current one. Wishing and hoping!

 

Also, I ordered a milligram scale to help me taper down slowly from Effexor and I think it should arrive today. I'm excited to keep going down... trying to shut the fears out.

 

Thank you, very sweet of you!

 

So i'm 12 days since my cut. I have some new sx that I read about before (electric zaps, and jerks before falling to sleep) Which I really do not like. And did not sleep much tonight (4 hours, so still better than acute) But I had a fight with my husband last night (I actually think because of withdrawal, I suddenly felt as if he did not love me, which is stupid because obviously he does, i just felt really scared suddenly) So probably contributed to the less sleep.

Wondering when I'll get a window again. Maybe in a week i hope.

I'm happy though I'm already at 25 mgs of trazodone, because I do not like the side effects.

 

Corsair12, glad to hear you got at least 4 hours instead of zero.  Were the electric zaps and jerks always the cause of your insomnia or did you just lay there and you just simply do not fall asleep?

 

I just used to lay there and not sleep. So those are new, hopefully they will not last long. I have this thing were my eyes get extremely dry (like sandpaper) and when this happens i cannot sleep. I feel like my eyes are open while they are actually closed. I use creams and eyedrops but that only gives temporarily some relieve.

 

How are you?

[Guest [yo...]]

Hey Corsair,

 

At one point I was taking 17 chemicals at once out of a possible 37.  I took me about two years of slowly stopping one or two at a time to get clear, so it is possible.

 

I can understand your feelings about people only withdrawing from benzos, because I often felt if only they knew what it was like withdrawing from benzos and 16 other substances at the same time!

 

In fairness, though, benzo wd on its own is awesomly bad so I still empathise with the uni-withdrawers, and in my experience it's the worst drug on the planet next to alcohol.

 

You will get there in time.  Right now it seems an uclimable mountain, but by small steps you'll reach the peak.  If I can offer any advice or experiences to help please feel free to ask.

 

For me, I found a can-do atttitude was the single-most impotant tool to have in my arsenal.

 

Take it easy,

 

 

J

 

[[Li...]]

Ah, the waiting game! You are so strong. I think thoughts like yours are what we need to keep going. Being able to keep breathing from second to second, knowing that at least it's not the worst it's ever been. That's absolutely what's kept me going for the past few months. And I think I am so much better than I have been. It is just such a long road and sometimes I go back down. But we just have to keep going! Like Winston Churchill said... "if you're going through hell, keep going." I really admire you all for sticking to your resolve to get through this polydrugging hell. 

 

I'm filling out intake papers to see a psychiatrist who might have more experience with the dangers of polydrugging and who I'm hoping will be able to help me more than my current one. Wishing and hoping!

 

Also, I ordered a milligram scale to help me taper down slowly from Effexor and I think it should arrive today. I'm excited to keep going down... trying to shut the fears out.

 

Thank you, very sweet of you!

 

So i'm 12 days since my cut. I have some new sx that I read about before (electric zaps, and jerks before falling to sleep) Which I really do not like. And did not sleep much tonight (4 hours, so still better than acute) But I had a fight with my husband last night (I actually think because of withdrawal, I suddenly felt as if he did not love me, which is stupid because obviously he does, i just felt really scared suddenly) So probably contributed to the less sleep.

Wondering when I'll get a window again. Maybe in a week i hope.

I'm happy though I'm already at 25 mgs of trazodone, because I do not like the side effects.

 

Corsair12, glad to hear you got at least 4 hours instead of zero.  Were the electric zaps and jerks always the cause of your insomnia or did you just lay there and you just simply do not fall asleep?

 

I just used to lay there and not sleep. So those are new, hopefully they will not last long. I have this thing were my eyes get extremely dry (like sandpaper) and when this happens i cannot sleep. I feel like my eyes are open while they are actually closed. I use creams and eyedrops but that only gives temporarily some relieve.

 

How are you?

 

I'm not doing too well.  I tried laying down earlier to sleep but I just lay there and sleep does not come.  Surprisingly there are no brain zaps but I suppose being on Depakote ER might have something to do with that.  I can also relate to the dry eyes too.    These days just keep blending together.  I cannot believe it is already Friday here.  I'm going to attempt to be as productive as possible today.  I won't touch the reclining chair so I don't nap even for 15 minutes.  If I cannot sleep by the end of the night, I'm going to take a rescue dose.  I am also trying to find a way to come to terms that I may not be able to withdraw from medications.  This will be very difficult.  Feel better.

[[Li...]]

Hey Corsair,

 

At one point I was taking 17 chemicals at once out of a possible 37.  I took me about two years of slowly stopping one or two at a time to get clear, so it is possible.

 

I can understand your feelings about people only withdrawing from benzos, because I often felt if only they knew what it was like withdrawing from benzos and 16 other substances at the same time!

 

In fairness, though, benzo wd on its own is awesomly bad so I still empathise with the uni-withdrawers, and in my experience it's the worst drug on the planet next to alcohol.

 

You will get there in time.  Right now it seems an uclimable mountain, but by small steps you'll reach the peak.  If I can offer any advice or experiences to help please feel free to ask.

 

For me, I found a can-do atttitude was the single-most impotant tool to have in my arsenal.

 

Take it easy,

 

 

J

 

Did you do a blog/journal/progress log to document this?  That is very impressive!

[Guest [yo...]]

Did you do a blog/journal/progress log to document this?  That is very impressive!

Technically, yes & no, Life.  I used to post as a different member last year while this was all going on and the most I kept was a plog, and posted in threads and the moderator's area a lot.  It was no picnic, I can tell you, and without doubt was the worst period of my life and that's saying something!!  I screwed up a lot of stuff including myself and some other people along the way so there's much to atone for now.

 

I once went to a drug-counselling meeting with my list of drugs that I'd taken in my life, and when he saw 37 on the list he sort of looked a bit shocked.. and said.. I'm surprised to be talking to you today!

 

Suffice to say I'm over that stage of it but it was hell on Earth.  I truly empathise with any poly-users having to deal with poly-withdrawal.

 

 

J

[[Co...]]

Did you do a blog/journal/progress log to document this?  That is very impressive!

Technically, yes & no, Life.  I used to post as a different member last year while this was all going on and the most I kept was a plog, and posted in threads and the moderator's area a lot.  It was no picnic, I can tell you, and without doubt was the worst period of my life and that's saying something!!  I screwed up a lot of stuff including myself and some other people along the way so there's much to atone for now.

 

I once went to a drug-counselling meeting with my list of drugs that I'd taken in my life, and when he saw 37 on the list he sort of looked a bit shocked.. and said.. I'm surprised to be talking to you today!

 

Suffice to say I'm over that stage of it but it was hell on Earth.  I truly empathise with any poly-users having to deal with poly-withdrawal.

 

 

J

 

Well, i wonder if you feel healed now? And if it's possible to get stable at a dose. I hear that sometimes you cannot get stable and you should keep on withdrawing. And some say you should wait. What are your thoughts on this?

[Guest [yo...]]

Did you do a blog/journal/progress log to document this?  That is very impressive!

Technically, yes & no, Life.  I used to post as a different member last year while this was all going on and the most I kept was a plog, and posted in threads and the moderator's area a lot.  It was no picnic, I can tell you, and without doubt was the worst period of my life and that's saying something!!  I screwed up a lot of stuff including myself and some other people along the way so there's much to atone for now.

 

I once went to a drug-counselling meeting with my list of drugs that I'd taken in my life, and when he saw 37 on the list he sort of looked a bit shocked.. and said.. I'm surprised to be talking to you today!

 

Suffice to say I'm over that stage of it but it was hell on Earth.  I truly empathise with any poly-users having to deal with poly-withdrawal.

 

 

J

 

Well, i wonder if you feel healed now? And if it's possible to get stable at a dose. I hear that sometimes you cannot get stable and you should keep on withdrawing. And some say you should wait. What are your thoughts on this?

 

I did until I had to take a course of valium recently, where it all went wrong again.  But after 3 months clear of everything, I felt better than I had in my whole adult life.  I know that's only the beginning, too.  After a few more months from here I'll be back to normal I think, if not better than ever.

 

That's my hope, anyway.

 

My opinion on how to approach withdrawing is this:  to each their own.  I know what method I chose, but that was complicated among a poly-withdrawal and from a range of different benzos, so would my method be any good for you?  Probably not.  I say go with what your body tells you is ok for you and not do what someone else says to do because they don't live in your skin, because we really all do respond differently to withdrawal and not everyone has a really harsh time, only the minority, and the range of effects can vary so much between us.

 

Of course, lots of us gathering together in one place such as this forum makes it appear, sometimes, that everyone has a really tough time.  Some don't, though, which is always worth remembering.

 

You'll make it.

 

J

[[ra...]]

So glad to hear you found potential helpful doctor!  I have been tripped up by many, many really bad healthcare providers, but I kept plugging away and think I have a good team now. It's worth the effort!

 

Thanks gardener! That is really helpful to hear because it gives me hope that if I keep plugging away I can find a good team too. It's so important to have medical professionals you can trust, but it seems almost impossible to find. I keep worrying that it's my problem for being overly suspicious post-benzos, but I think a good doctor should be able to understand that.

[[ra...]]

Thank you, very sweet of you!

 

So i'm 12 days since my cut. I have some new sx that I read about before (electric zaps, and jerks before falling to sleep) Which I really do not like. And did not sleep much tonight (4 hours, so still better than acute) But I had a fight with my husband last night (I actually think because of withdrawal, I suddenly felt as if he did not love me, which is stupid because obviously he does, i just felt really scared suddenly) So probably contributed to the less sleep.

Wondering when I'll get a window again. Maybe in a week i hope.

I'm happy though I'm already at 25 mgs of trazodone, because I do not like the side effects.

 

Hey Corsair, sorry to hear you had a fight and some bad symptoms. It's still great that you're getting more sleep than you were in acute! I hope you're able to get much more tonight. It's also good that you read about the symptoms before so you knew what they were when you started to experience them. Maybe that makes it a little less scary. I still hope they go away soon though. My legs jerk around a lot when I'm trying to sleep and it's really annoying. Brain zaps seem really scary to me too and hard to deal with so hugs for that!

 

Good job on surviving the cut and I do hope a window comes soon for you.

[[ga...]]

So glad to hear you found potential helpful doctor!  I have been tripped up by many, many really bad healthcare providers, but I kept plugging away and think I have a good team now. It's worth the effort!

 

Thanks gardener! That is really helpful to hear because it gives me hope that if I keep plugging away I can find a good team too. It's so important to have medical professionals you can trust, but it seems almost impossible to find. I keep worrying that it's my problem for being overly suspicious post-benzos, but I think a good doctor should be able to understand that.

 

It's natural to be suspicious when you've had bad experiences. I'm suspicious, too. But I kept sticking my neck out, butting heads with bad providers, getting discouraged, and trying again until I got where I needed to be. Even in the past several weeks, as I tried to find some supportive group therapy, I ran into some really bad providers and had some dreadful experiences. Then just this morning, I had an intake appointment with a psychiatrist who does mindfulness groups. I liked her. The intake went great, and I'm really looking forward to her group. Finally!

 

You know you and you know what feels right and what doesn't. If you explain how you feel and why, and ask for patience, and the provider bristles at that, I'd say that's a sign you need a different provider. 

 

You would stand up and advocate for another person in a vulnerable situation, so nothing wrong with doing it for you! 

[[ra...]]

So glad to hear you found potential helpful doctor!  I have been tripped up by many, many really bad healthcare providers, but I kept plugging away and think I have a good team now. It's worth the effort!

 

Thanks gardener! That is really helpful to hear because it gives me hope that if I keep plugging away I can find a good team too. It's so important to have medical professionals you can trust, but it seems almost impossible to find. I keep worrying that it's my problem for being overly suspicious post-benzos, but I think a good doctor should be able to understand that.

 

It's natural to be suspicious when you've had bad experiences. I'm suspicious, too. But I kept sticking my neck out, butting heads with bad providers, getting discouraged, and trying again until I got where I needed to be. Even in the past several weeks, as I tried to find some supportive group therapy, I ran into some really bad providers and had some dreadful experiences. Then just this morning, I had an intake appointment with a psychiatrist who does mindfulness groups. I liked her. The intake went great, and I'm really looking forward to her group. Finally!

 

You know you and you know what feels right and what doesn't. If you explain how you feel and why, and ask for patience, and the provider bristles at that, I'd say that's a sign you need a different provider. 

 

You would stand up and advocate for another person in a vulnerable situation, so nothing wrong with doing it for you! 

 

You're right! That's a really good way to think about it... the "what if this situation were reversed" kind of thought experiment.

 

I feel like I've had good initial experiences a few times now, and then the doctors don't end up helping me later. But I just saw a new one today that I'm hoping will be different. It's also hard because I'm kind of looking for a psychiatrist who doesn't want to prescribe medication, which is kind of like looking for a unicorn, I guess. But the person I saw today seemed to have lots of different ideas about what might help and was definitely willing to support a goal of going off meds, so that was encouraging.

 

Mindfulness groups sound awesome! I hope that works out well for you. It is really exhausting to have to keep trying out different providers, filling out all the forms, rehashing issues. But I bet it feels great when it works out.

[[ga...]]

So glad to hear you found potential helpful doctor!  I have been tripped up by many, many really bad healthcare providers, but I kept plugging away and think I have a good team now. It's worth the effort!

 

Thanks gardener! That is really helpful to hear because it gives me hope that if I keep plugging away I can find a good team too. It's so important to have medical professionals you can trust, but it seems almost impossible to find. I keep worrying that it's my problem for being overly suspicious post-benzos, but I think a good doctor should be able to understand that.

 

It's natural to be suspicious when you've had bad experiences. I'm suspicious, too. But I kept sticking my neck out, butting heads with bad providers, getting discouraged, and trying again until I got where I needed to be. Even in the past several weeks, as I tried to find some supportive group therapy, I ran into some really bad providers and had some dreadful experiences. Then just this morning, I had an intake appointment with a psychiatrist who does mindfulness groups. I liked her. The intake went great, and I'm really looking forward to her group. Finally!

 

You know you and you know what feels right and what doesn't. If you explain how you feel and why, and ask for patience, and the provider bristles at that, I'd say that's a sign you need a different provider. 

 

You would stand up and advocate for another person in a vulnerable situation, so nothing wrong with doing it for you! 

 

You're right! That's a really good way to think about it... the "what if this situation were reversed" kind of thought experiment.

 

I feel like I've had good initial experiences a few times now, and then the doctors don't end up helping me later. But I just saw a new one today that I'm hoping will be different. It's also hard because I'm kind of looking for a psychiatrist who doesn't want to prescribe medication, which is kind of like looking for a unicorn, I guess. But the person I saw today seemed to have lots of different ideas about what might help and was definitely willing to support a goal of going off meds, so that was encouraging.

 

Mindfulness groups sound awesome! I hope that works out well for you. It is really exhausting to have to keep trying out different providers, filling out all the forms, rehashing issues. But I bet it feels great when it works out.

 

So happy to hear about your new open-minded, flexible provider! Sounds like you're onto a good thing! 

[[Co...]]

Having a rough time today. Only some microsleep, weird nerve pains. I'm still hoping it will pass. Today I am angry , yet again, for the lack of information these last ten years. I feel like I'm in this because of ignorant doctors and nurses and I am paying the price for it. They can all go home and sleep and be happy. And I'm fighting for my life here.

Still holding on though. I'm longing for my acupuncture on tuesday.

[[ga...]]

Having a rough time today. Only some microsleep, weird nerve pains. I'm still hoping it will pass. Today I am angry , yet again, for the lack of information these last ten years. I feel like I'm in this because of ignorant doctors and nurses and I am paying the price for it. They can all go home and sleep and be happy. And I'm fighting for my life here.

Still holding on though. I'm longing for my acupuncture on tuesday.

 

I can so sympathize with what you are saying. Poor sleep. Anger. Nerve pain.  Remember, some of your intense emotions are from withdrawal. Also, poor sleep magnifies all kinds of pain. I try to distract myself when I start to feel too emotional about anything because I can go through the roof so easily. I distract with some easy word game apps. I even sometimes do some coloring, trying to focus on the patterns and colors. Kind of a mindfulness exercise, I guess. I'm actually having nerve pain in my nostrils this morning. Ugh. On the other hand, I've had it in much worse places than that, so I guess this makes it a good day??   

 

Hang in there! We are all in this together and we will make it through! 

[[Li...]]

Having a rough time today. Only some microsleep, weird nerve pains. I'm still hoping it will pass. Today I am angry , yet again, for the lack of information these last ten years. I feel like I'm in this because of ignorant doctors and nurses and I am paying the price for it. They can all go home and sleep and be happy. And I'm fighting for my life here.

Still holding on though. I'm longing for my acupuncture on tuesday.

 

I feel the same way.  I get barely any sleep and I have a constant anger towards these evil ignorant doctors who can sleep and be happy while we are tortured.  I tried acupuncture many years ago but to no avail.  Are you finding that it is helping you?