Polydrugging support group

[[Do...]]

Glad to hear you're feeling better. I'm off in the bitter cold today to see friends in upstate NY for a V Day party. Mostly women artists. Wave & Windows galore. Okay though mostly.

[[Li...]]

Just a quick message because I'm super tired, but I saw the benzo/AD/AP wise psychiatrist today!

Feeling very hopefull and less alone now. This is great. It does make a difference if a pdoc is educated about the matter

 

Corsair,

 

I'm glad to hear you finally have a pdoc who can help you.  Have you been able to work out a reasonable plan with the pdoc to get you off the Seroquel while helping you sleep.

 

And to all the rest of the polydrugged people here, how have you been doing lately?

[[sh...]]

Hi all

 

sorry to come onto your thread... I feel poly drugged even though Im not.

 

But I feel like I have layers of healing that needs to happen in different parts of my brain.

 

I was around 90 percent recovered at 8 years out.

 

Had to take stool softners, recotgesic, diflucan and protein powder......each one of these has caused new side effects and symptoms...it feels like each thing has caused different symptoms and brain gut damage to different parts of the brain.

 

Is this how it feels when polydrugged?

 

Have all the meds affected your gut in this process?

 

Sorry to ask but I feel the same as you guys and understand that with people who are just off benzos only have a chance to heal...those who have had to take other things is a longer journey.

 

How to you guys react to antibiotics and other meds?

 

Are you able to function in life through all this?

 

sorry again

 

Shania

[[Co...]]

I have taken most of the drugs you are talking about. And yes I am supersensitive to everything so I try not to take anything anymore.

I think our CNS gets more sensitive the more things we take.

 

Hi LIC!

 

Yes we are going to go superslow 1mg every 2 months, I am happy with this, the pdoc really understands how sensitive I am to change and is not questioning it like my previous doc (which made me freak out about running out of meds, I do not have that problem anymore luckily)

I also asked if he would monitor me in case things go south. I mean, I was also always scared something would happen which would make me have to be admitted to the hospital or something and ppl would not understand so this is also good, if something happens that doc will not make rash decisions like putting me on more pills.

 

Also I have been having problems with my uterus, bladder, vagina which is started to fall down. I am a bit scared. Not sure if it's withdrawal or real prolapse.

So when I will be going back in a month I will ask him if he heared about this and how do I treat this while taking care of my cns. (this is why I can't go to a normal doctor, how would I explain that I cannot take any meds and cannot go under anaesthesia? I know some of the ppl on here had no problems, but if it is anything like how I react to a normal painmed or anything related I think it is safe to say I need to be carefull.

 

He said it is obvious I am super super sensitive. (as when I took the cymbalta I was immediately suicidal for example)

 

How are you?

[[sh...]]

I have taken most of the drugs you are talking about. And yes I am supersensitive to everything so I try not to take anything anymore.

I think our CNS gets more sensitive the more things we take.

 

Hi LIC!

 

Yes we are going to go superslow 1mg every 2 months, I am happy with this, the pdoc really understands how sensitive I am to change and is not questioning it like my previous doc (which made me freak out about running out of meds, I do not have that problem anymore luckily)

I also asked if he would monitor me in case things go south. I mean, I was also always scared something would happen which would make me have to be admitted to the hospital or something and ppl would not understand so this is also good, if something happens that doc will not make rash decisions like putting me on more pills.

 

Also I have been having problems with my uterus, bladder, vagina which is started to fall down. I am a bit scared. Not sure if it's withdrawal or real prolapse.

So when I will be going back in a month I will ask him if he heared about this and how do I treat this while taking care of my cns. (this is why I can't go to a normal doctor, how would I explain that I cannot take any meds and cannot go under anaesthesia? I know some of the ppl on here had no problems, but if it is anything like how I react to a normal painmed or anything related I think it is safe to say I need to be carefull.

 

He said it is obvious I am super super sensitive. (as when I took the cymbalta I was immediately suicidal for example)

 

How are you?

 

 

 

 

Thanks for your reply. I just noticed you said you felt like your were prolapsing. I had this symptom for absolutely ages and was convinced I was having a prolapse of all these things because I had and still have some of those symptoms of anal and vaginal and bladder prolapse-I went on about it to my doctor for years. My doctor checked for me and said that I wasn't having a prolapse. But had all the symptoms of it like a feeling of sitting on tennis balls and loads more..A few others on here have had this symptom too.I also had a feeling of my vagina being fully open and everything is about to drop out. Thought this may help.

 

Shania

[[Gi...]]

OMG you guys I thought I was the only one, I was just searching this in the archives on the forum and found your reply, Shania213, to Corsair12 regarding the "prolapse" symptom. I'm sorry you've been suffering, too *hug* it is horrific indeed  :'(

Mine doesn't seem to be very bad but I've been having this feeling of my vagina being fully open, it's especially worse during periods (using tampons etc). I never had it before and I'm not sure when exactly it's started, I mean in comparison with other symptoms like hallucinations and difficulties breathing one wouldn't really notice anything else.

 

Shania, you said some other buddies had it, too. Are they back to normal now, were it muscles (spasms?) related? I'm lost ... Thank you all for sharing, everything helps when you feel so sick and alone during this ordeal 

[[Co...]]

Creepy isn't it! I'm hoping it will go away.

 

I've passed the one year mark with being benzo free. Strange feeling! And still have a long way to go with the seroquel -_- urgh.

[[Co...]]

day five since seroquel cut and feeling horrible. why do I always forget how horrible it feels? A lot of sx seem typical for the seroquel withdrawal: the shaking, twitching, trembling, feeling hypomanic, insomnia, GI issues, not being able to make decisions, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, muscle coordination problems

 

The things that remained from benzo withdrawal are: muscle problems, feeling of current through my body, dryness and insomnia.

 

I think so at least. Now wondering if the muscle problems and dryness could also be a side effect from the seroquel. I mean, I'm not sure anymore about the benzo withdrawal. I feel like the seroquel is horrible to my body.

I do a cut every 45 days. So that would mean that I get off it in about one year and a half. That seems so long and patience is a quality that does not come naturally for me.

How are others doing here?

[[Li...]]

day five since seroquel cut and feeling horrible. why do I always forget how horrible it feels? A lot of sx seem typical for the seroquel withdrawal: the shaking, twitching, trembling, feeling hypomanic, insomnia, GI issues, not being able to make decisions, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, muscle coordination problems

 

The things that remained from benzo withdrawal are: muscle problems, feeling of current through my body, dryness and insomnia.

 

I think so at least. Now wondering if the muscle problems and dryness could also be a side effect from the seroquel. I mean, I'm not sure anymore about the benzo withdrawal. I feel like the seroquel is horrible to my body.

I do a cut every 45 days. So that would mean that I get off it in about one year and a half. That seems so long and patience is a quality that does not come naturally for me.

How are others doing here?

 

Corsair, I'm incredibly impatient as well with this whole process.  I made a withdrawal spreadsheet in Excel and under perfect conditions I won't get off Depakote Sprinkles until June 20, 2016 and I won't get off Klonopin until April 30, 2017.

[[Co...]]

day five since seroquel cut and feeling horrible. why do I always forget how horrible it feels? A lot of sx seem typical for the seroquel withdrawal: the shaking, twitching, trembling, feeling hypomanic, insomnia, GI issues, not being able to make decisions, obsessive thoughts, anxiety, muscle coordination problems

 

The things that remained from benzo withdrawal are: muscle problems, feeling of current through my body, dryness and insomnia.

 

I think so at least. Now wondering if the muscle problems and dryness could also be a side effect from the seroquel. I mean, I'm not sure anymore about the benzo withdrawal. I feel like the seroquel is horrible to my body.

I do a cut every 45 days. So that would mean that I get off it in about one year and a half. That seems so long and patience is a quality that does not come naturally for me.

How are others doing here?

 

Corsair, I'm incredibly impatient as well with this whole process.  I made a withdrawal spreadsheet in Excel and under perfect conditions I won't get off Depakote Sprinkles until June 20, 2016 and I won't get off Klonopin until April 30, 2017.

 

It's hard isn't it? Yes I would be off of seroquel in april 2017 too. That or the summer of 2017. I'm sad that the seroquel is so much harder to taper than the benzo. I should have quit the seroquel first and then tapered the benzo.

[[Co...]]

How is everyone? I'm probably coming down with the flu which makes everything, again, 1000 times worse. I wonder if I will ever be functional again. It's so hard , my dh has the flu, I have a very active toddler and a house that is a mess. I can't even stand on my legs for too long. I feel very hopeless right now. i just want to give up.

It's so hard My baby is crying but I just want to go run away from everything. It's like I'm so mad at my husband that he brought in the flu. I know rationally he cannot help it. But for me getting ill is so much worse because of the withdrawal. Last year I had to stay in bed for a month, I thought I would never recover. And I'm so sick from withdrawal already. I hate my life right now.

[[Hi...]]

Does anyone have any tips for me and my situation. Im on 38mg methadone 7.5mg ativan and 900mg gabapentin.

 

I have tried ct from benzos in detox 7 time 6 of them were back to back 2 years ago was in and out hosp for six months.  Had to do a very long phenobarbital taper 3 months and was so so bad managed to stay off benzos for 6 months and things started getting a little better them so so much worse that was before i eas on methadone butanyways i reinstated a year ago at 6mg and now im up to 7.t im in extreme torture torment agony physically and mentally icannot put into words what my life is like its been getting worse and worse and some symptoms so severe so mentally unstable i have not been able to stick to any sort of taper. The pills are making me very very sick and i spend my life honestly trying to stay alive the inner terror not panick attacks its a terror so profound and it doesnt let up except occasionally at not psychosis like terror and thought behavior though it clears sometimes but not sure if this is extreme form of intrusive thoughts though i lose touch with reality but only in my own head if that makes sense massive nerve pain muscle pain heart bursting out of chest but not fast eyes ears so sensitive its like im made of glass my thinking changes so my rationality changes so i try to set up a plan but then i believe its not right and i need to do these other things.

 

I get akathisia so bad but it inner soul splitting akathisia like i need to peel my skin off and my soul need to escape my body. All this and much much more depression so bad it more like repeated nervous breakdown. Also the past couplemonths i been ggetting so weird im in agonizing wd but haven't really started tapering it gets worse and worse as i hold.

 

I am slowly tapering methadone and ive started a taper using my scale for the ativan but i cant live like this being on the pills for 3 years it would take me to taper

 

But i been so sedated i been sleeping 16 hours a day then cant get up and spend the rest od the day nodding so hard icannt move or open my eyes except repeated ooverwhelming terror and emergency feeling. Severe confusion and sickness. Like cancer type sickness. Burning acid skin.

 

Much much more the point is im in worse agony than most people who are in cold turkey acute. But im not. But i am.

 

The inner torment and trauma psychosis is keeping me from progressing everyone says just start tapering slowly youmight as well if your in hell anyways. From an ooutside perspective this makes sense except im already so severe it cant get worse but its that i cant live like this much longer im at point where every wave within wave is so bad i cant live like this much longer its so so bad.

 

I really need to stabilize somehow a bit or ease symptoms anyone have any ideas. Im tapering methadone and ativan right now just till this scary o ersedation lifts a little but im only really trying to taper .25mg of ativan this month

 

Ive started taking nac supplement and it seems to be helping with mood and stuff a bit but im also in period of less suffering right now it happens for a few days every now and then the psychosis lifts and i head feels little clear but this doed not happen often enough used to be wave week window or better week now waves are month and 3 or 4 days of not window but better. I feel like being poisoned

 

Ive tried rescue doses of large amounts when things get really really bad but they dont work anymore. Im almost about to get swollowed alive again so im trying to figure out how to help. My liver isnt good and also my gf cant handle me anymore but shes still jhere fighting its just when i get swolloewed i am so bad i keep ending up in hospital and even they say wow you need help thought i had meningitis

 

I didnt. I had a little suspicious lyme and lupus screen but they say its not but it is. Its my insurance they wont pay for further testing of anything or treat my hep c cuz im not sick enough yet

 

A lot of this message is to let uuou guys no where im at seems like a good thread and i need help. Thank uou guys

[[Hi...]]

I also am having severe bipolar i dont know if the benzos caused this and will go away or if i was always like this. Its scary cuz i was alcoholic for a looong time before this and also a heroin adict im on methadone now and last time i got off the benzos opiated were not involved. At first going on the methadone helped tremendously and i noticed for long time i always felt better after dosing every day bu now akathisia is getting bad again a d itd like the methadone was masking symptoms. But now tolerance to thst also i feel better from the sleepy sedated terror for a week after i drop but i get stuck at 38mg and i try to drop below that and then everything gets eeven worse im so kindled theres no leveling out i cant handle vslium im ganna have to do detox again somehow though its not even an option cuz i cant get into  one or tapering which im doing but its like i never recover from all those cts after reinstating things just getting worse. Thought the gabapentin might have something to do with all thid maybe it does but i ctd it in mental hospital several months ago went through some withdrawals and was off for 2 months durring which time i tried to detox again. Ever since things have just been so much worse.

 

I not sure whether to hold on the methadone while i taper off the ativan but the methadone is playing into this hardcore cuz i feel better for few hours asfter dosing then start getting severely depressed soooo tired im tired of the daily cycle on top of the benzos symptoms at this point dont know whats what. The methadone keeps me glued together a little bit but only if i keep going up and down but i need off of it. Right now im trying to taper the methadoneover 20 wweeks and cant wait that long to start tapering ativan so im trying to tsper off that just very slowly for now thing is is i cant tell when to cut and hold from anything cuz its do so bad and unstable no matter whati do but i get periods that are so insane so ttormenting i try to rescue dose which doesnt help makes me sicker more tired more fogged but then it helps the next few days after the rescu dose.... whats that sbout?

 

Also anyone try nac supplement. It seems to be helping but dont know if its coincidental. I have massive glutamate stsorms i read that it actually makes more glutamate. I dont even get like cortisol surges anymore its so weird i cant think about this anymore right now i feel things building. I been able to feel and think the last few days and i cant imagine how at anytime i will completely lose myself and any sense that this small period happened will be lost forever lost to ytorment and trauma it happens over and over and every time it lasts longer and get sucked in deeper the intrusive thoughts bordering on psychosis and the terror and chemical fear and sickness feel nervous system failing on me its like my body is giving out.

[[Da...]]

Goodness Hiphop you have been through so much. I would guess we have been members about the same length of time as I can remeber seeing your post when I first started looking around on here. I feel for you and wish the best for you and wish I could give you some great healing gift but my opinion is all I can give. Your poor cns has been through so many changes. It seems your brain and body could benefit from a nice looooooong hooooold. The mother of all holds. Your brain has been in many cold turkeys and boat loads of up and down med changes with no time for recovery. If you were my close friend I would beg you to hold. Hold until you knew for certain that you were starting to feel some stability. Hold for a year or longer. I would hope you would hold until you knew it was time to take the next step of tapering the next med. I just wish you the best Hiphop. If this is all out of line I apologize. I just wish to see you one day on here saying you know what I feel better

Dave

[[Co...]]

I''m with Dave on this one. You will only be able to go slow. No more cold turkeys or detoxes. In my opinion of course. If you could find peace in your heart with this idea maybe it will be easier. I feel for you! It seems like an awful predicament.

 

 

 

[[Hi...]]

The problem is one or more of my meds is causing severe akathisia and making me sicker i get worse the longer i hold....

[[Fo...]]

Bud, look into daily tapering, start with the med causing akasthasia. I did this, went off olanzapine first, then tapered diazepam, and going off the last of the SSRIS. Daily tapering means your system isn't continually being shocked by cuts, so you heal on the way down. PM me bud if it gets tough. I check in every week, I'll help whatever way I can.

[Guest [Jo...]]

I just came across this group.

I've always struggled with drugs.

Without them, my mood is so low, that I daren't go to the shop in case I start crying, which has happened before a few times.

Opiates, benzos, stimulants,

I went off speed, I am too old for it, it knacks my body

Opiates, I have always been scared of these due to having a lot of friends get in trouble, so I stick to the weaker ones. I also have many days without and I absolutely hate these days, but no matter horrible they are, taking an opiate on these days makes me feel worse due to more risk of physical addiction.

I got oxys a few weeks ago, but I was too scared to try a whole one in case I liked it too much, so I cut them into little bits and used them to boost my weaker opiates like DHC and codeine. I like subutex too, but again, I have to put a note in my subutex box to remind me of how they could fuck me up, so if I go in the subutex box too few days after last dose, the note is there to put me off. If Its been a week or more, I don't mind indulginig.

I dont have a strong will but I had really controlling parents, and I think this has extended to oipates cos I have been using for 7 yrs this way, I used to be scared of my Dad and Mum and I am scared of getting a whooping of opiates too.

Benzos, My doctor got me addicted on my first taper, but the second time, For the last couple of months, Ive been taking 9-12 of the 7.5mg zopiclones a day, and when I stopped I felt awful, so I took a month to cross over to valium, but so far, the valium helps for about two hours and then it goes, I thought valium was supposed to be long lasting.

Anway, it's lovely that someone has formed a polydrugging support group, because as well as people being polydrugged by doctors, some of us polydrug ourselves, but not to get high, just to get through life without breaking down or falling apart.

[[Hi...]]

Thank you i just dont know whats causing the akathisia its everything im really unstable im doing tiny cuts um anyone have problems with probiotics

[[Li...]]

Thank you i just dont know whats causing the akathisia its everything im really unstable im doing tiny cuts um anyone have problems with probiotics

 

All of the medications that you are taking can cause akathisia while taking them or while withdrawing from them.  However, out of the ones you mentioned you are taking now, methadone has the highest likelyhood that it is causing the akathisia.

[[Li...]]

I'm getting impatient again with the whole length of time it is taking to withdraw from these medications.  I still have a little over a year left under "perfect conditions" to withdraw from both Depakote Sprinkles and Klonopin.  How am I supposed to remain patient during this lengthy withdrawal process?

[[Co...]]

Hi there LIC. I have struggled with that question myself. I decided to spread it over 4 years. But i remember this: it's the idea that you suffer as less as possible during this process. You are healing while tapering. If you would go faster you would suffer more and suffer for a long time as well. With a slower taper you can control your sx as much as possible. I think that it's a lot about this lie: "I can only heal when med free" I don't think that is true, you are healing every day. So slower is better, because you will be more functional than you would with a rapid taper.

So it's good to look at it realistically. I decided on the four years because if I do it that slow, I could maybe finish my school in that time. If I would do it faster I will probably have to stay at home for a few years. So although I will be suffering, I will be able to do other stuff. And that is more important. I am still healing from all those other meds.

[[Hi...]]

I was having akathisia before the methadone but its getting worse its not just akathisia though sometimes it passes but i have the akathisia before tapering i know im a mess but im too far gone to taper anymore im in hell before i started tapering it used to be waves now its waves but no Windows and i feel sick like cancer kind of sick. My stools are becoming very potent i know its gross but my liver is sick too no doctor will help me where to start they want to rip me off of beznzos im mt and its still too much. I have mri tomorrow and they using a dye called giladium and it can cause brain damage and neurological problems and im at dentist right now for impact wisdom teeth infection im so scared oh lord jesus please

[[Da...]]

Hiphop,

You hang in there my friend. This crap is not going to beat us. If we hang on long and hard enough through this junk I do think you will heal. I pray your appointments all go as well as you could hope for and that Jesus does help you in giving you some comfort, some peace and some rest in all you have going on right now. We will be thinking of you.

Dave 86

[[Hi...]]

Has a yone had a mri brain scan with gadolinium dye it says it can cause multiple sclerosis and toxic brain syndrome im already so sick my liver isnt good im already scared i have those things im in psychicsosid almost every day with akathisia so bad i need to rip my soul out of my body om not even tapered but a tiny bit i been getting worse and worse theres no way i can taper off these pills but im so kindled im terrified  whats happening will a detox destroy me if im already trashed i have to come off methadone as well and i already am in the worst hell imaginable tapering tiny amounts sends me even deeper in s hell that i cannot fathom anymore late at night sometimes it lets up but my eyes feel like they have mouths that are screaming. Im so so so physically ill and that feels like its getting worse and worse my body is shutting down i cant lay down im not even in this reality. I was constipated all the time but now its just smelly my stomach hurts i fony want to est i force myself i cant breathe im so so tired i sleep 10 hours a day and cantwake up and then once im up aakathisia and terror psychotic terror burning sweating my body dont work i cant figure this out im trying to get off but the situation im in is hopeless one because i cant handle the torment my mind ssnd reality keep flipping and i dont have the support i need my family wont take me in and i trying to go to detox again. But i not ganna make it after im seriously barely holding on and my poor gf its all on her i try but my torment is too strong all meds make it worse. After i dose on methadone everything changes my mind changes my outlook and reality but then it wears off and changes and makes things worse idk whst to do i keep ending up in hospital and they send me home but i have nothing secure in my life my gf has been my rock shes all i have and god but i cant see god in all this i ams so sick i was sick from mpment i started taking these drugs and im scared the gabapentin is doing something also but when i stop taking the meds the akathisia and psychosis and seizures and delerium i cant lay down but i cant walk i made it through acute before and thats when the akathisia stsrted and now im so kindled i think my gaba receptors are depleted as far down as humanly posssible im worse now on 7.5mg of ativan than i was ct before but i tried to detox again but it was different the methadone has changed things and i cant get off thst either i cant possitive think or self talk because the psychosis and everything is attacking me help lord jesus help me i have nowherr to turn but i cant think straight enought to know if this really is fom meds only cuz its so deep i need natural dopamine to get better after this but methadone is artificial it making everything worse and my situation is so much different if snyone has true akathisia then they know because coping skills dont help you cant stop pacing and screaming  for help its not uou snymore there is no distraction