Polydrugging support group

[[Co...]]

I feel you corsair is your akathisia like chemical torment in your mind like you need to get emerency help or is it like you cant sit still have to pace

 

Luckily it went away again. But yes, this one thing that helps a bit is when my dh pins me to the floor or bed and I can struggle as much as I can until I get tired so I can sleep. Of course you are probably stronger than your gf so that's probably not an option for you

[[Co...]]

I need advise

 

My teeth/jaw have been making weird movements and on the surviving ad website, they told me this could very well be TD. So I would need to rapid taper;

What do I do  I was looking forward to going abroad this summer, that's why I was holding. Now I would risk everything by rapid tapering? But I could also risk everything by not tapering?

My pdoc is on holiday so I will only see him in 3-4 weeks. I am so scared. What do I do?

And if I taper , do I make a bigger cut?

[[Hi...]]

You are on asll those meds? Im scared of tardive akathisia that the meds are causing the akathisia im not on antipsychotics so none belies me its much worse than antipsychotic induced akathisia where you need to shuffle its full blown psychotic breakdown terror brain flipping to death i think my many benzo cts sensitized my nerves system so badly but im so kindled i need off but i am in psychological torment and my liver and i can feel my body under attack like all my cells are being deconstructed my lymphnodes are so swollen my skin is on fire everything hurts i have psychological and emotional breakdown after breakdown

 

Pd corsair my gf is way way stronger than me shes 6foot 2 and im so week from all iof this for two years.

 

The first year and the first 6months i was off was horrible but after i went back on now im getting sick. I wasnt really sick before it was all mental and neurological but everything would lift from time to time now it lifts slightly like the terror lifts some and the cycling but i am in an impossible situation i crying out to the lord who is my god. And he hears me.

 

But here on earth i dont know what to do it feels like im being attacked by demons i cant lay down but cant walk cant breath i cant take csre of myself tapering small amounts causes irreparable suffering and i dont k ow which med to taper off first. I cant do it at home and my doctor is helping look for as long term facility. I fear that ive damaged myself beyond repair

 

See i feel the gabapentin is playing a huge place in this far below but noone believes that it could be causing thst much its sll the benzos because they sre addictive and ya i did massive detoxes and going back on didnt help i think it was the methadone that diauised it more but thats now a huge altercation in this trying to tsper is exposing more trauma and damage.

 

My therapist has a client that did a detox off benzos 7 years ago and shes still in agony im not sure what her symptoms are but i see why they say dont reinstate kindling is so gnarly. But once your nervous system is hypersensitized it can take years to go back and thats not really just from gaba receptors

 

I think the last time i posted here was last week and i had a fairly more stsble week didnt breakdown for a whole weekmy mind was calm i was still sick but now im in eemergency crisis again intusive obbsessive web thst im caught in the psychotic torment from the akathisia and probably no gaba receptors and very probable lyme is destroying me

[[Co...]]

I need advise

 

My teeth/jaw have been making weird movements and on the surviving ad website, they told me this could very well be TD. So I would need to rapid taper;

What do I do  I was looking forward to going abroad this summer, that's why I was holding. Now I would risk everything by rapid tapering? But I could also risk everything by not tapering?

My pdoc is on holiday so I will only see him in 3-4 weeks. I am so scared. What do I do?

And if I taper , do I make a bigger cut?

                                                                                                                                                    hi Corsair.  I left you another message on SA. Try not to be afraid.  I understand your fear.  We will get through this. I am coping.  What can I do for you?

[[Co...]]

You are on asll those meds? Im scared of tardive akathisia that the meds are causing the akathisia im not on antipsychotics so none belies me its much worse than antipsychotic induced akathisia where you need to shuffle its full blown psychotic breakdown terror brain flipping to death i think my many benzo cts sensitized my nerves system so badly but im so kindled i need off but i am in psychological torment and my liver and i can feel my body under attack like all my cells are being deconstructed my lymphnodes are so swollen my skin is on fire everything hurts i have psychological and emotional breakdown after breakdown

 

Pd corsair my gf is way way stronger than me shes 6foot 2 and im so week from all iof this for two years.

 

The first year and the first 6months i was off was horrible but after i went back on now im getting sick. I wasnt really sick before it was all mental and neurological but everything would lift from time to time now it lifts slightly like the terror lifts some and the cycling but i am in an impossible situation i crying out to the lord who is my god. And he hears me.

 

But here on earth i dont know what to do it feels like im being attacked by demons i cant lay down but cant walk cant breath i cant take csre of myself tapering small amounts causes irreparable suffering and i dont k ow which med to taper off first. I cant do it at home and my doctor is helping look for as long term facility. I fear that ive damaged myself beyond repair

 

See i feel the gabapentin is playing a huge place in this far below but noone believes that it could be causing thst much its sll the benzos because they sre addictive and ya i did massive detoxes and going back on didnt help i think it was the methadone that diauised it more but thats now a huge altercation in this trying to tsper is exposing more trauma and damage.

 

My therapist has a client that did a detox off benzos 7 years ago and shes still in agony im not sure what her symptoms are but i see why they say dont reinstate kindling is so gnarly. But once your nervous system is hypersensitized it can take years to go back and thats not really just from gaba receptors

 

I think the last time i posted here was last week and i had a fairly more stsble week didnt breakdown for a whole weekmy mind was calm i was still sick but now im in eemergency crisis again intusive obbsessive web thst im caught in the psychotic torment from the akathisia and probably no gaba receptors and very probable lyme is destroying me

 

Hi Chris it took me a while to be able to read this message , because I have a lot of brain fog. But I didn't want to ignore it. 7

I agree with you that kindling is horrible. 7 years... I can't even let my mind go there. I think when ppl are in a very long protracted withrawal they tend to get there first window after a few years and then the healing starts. So I'm really hoping I will get some windows in the future.

Did you consider a microtaper?

 

 

[[Co...]]

I need advise

 

My teeth/jaw have been making weird movements and on the surviving ad website, they told me this could very well be TD. So I would need to rapid taper;

What do I do  I was looking forward to going abroad this summer, that's why I was holding. Now I would risk everything by rapid tapering? But I could also risk everything by not tapering?

My pdoc is on holiday so I will only see him in 3-4 weeks. I am so scared. What do I do?

And if I taper , do I make a bigger cut?

                                                                                                                                                    hi Corsair.  I left you another message on SA. Try not to be afraid.  I understand your fear.  We will get through this. I am coping.  What can I do for you?

 

I'm truelly terrified. I can't calm down. I thought for a second that it was getting better because it was ony the teeth, but today there are other places in my face that twitch (next to my nose and mouth)

And i'm really obsessed.

Panicky. Hopeless. I'm trying to wait and see if this isn't just a wave, because maybe it is. I really hope so  :'( I'm writing my sx down so I can bring it to my pdoc. in a few weeks.

Thank you for caring I feel very alone and scared, as noone irl here understands my fears.

[[Hi...]]

I understand your fears. Corsair. Im having different problems but i get twitching too eyes and also when i try to drink a glass of watter my face muscles spaz uncontrollable. All of my symptomshappen in waves but the waves are getting worse snd more psychotic from the akathisia but idk what the akathisia is from its deffinattely tardive more benzos make it worse more gabapentin makes it worse more methadone helps the akathisia to some degree but my mind is just flipping in psychotic terror obsession my symptoms are too severe to tsper thats what im stuck. Even microtapering thats what i was doing and managed to drop about .25mg and i been holding for a month and its just getting worse

 

Untill a couple weeks ago it would always lift at night. Like the mental torment would flip off like a switch but its not lifting anymore im caught in a vice

[[ga...]]

I need advise

 

My teeth/jaw have been making weird movements and on the surviving ad website, they told me this could very well be TD. So I would need to rapid taper;

What do I do  I was looking forward to going abroad this summer, that's why I was holding. Now I would risk everything by rapid tapering? But I could also risk everything by not tapering?

My pdoc is on holiday so I will only see him in 3-4 weeks. I am so scared. What do I do?

And if I taper , do I make a bigger cut?

                                                                                                                                                    hi Corsair.  I left you another message on SA. Try not to be afraid.  I understand your fear.  We will get through this. I am coping.  What can I do for you?

 

I'm truelly terrified. I can't calm down. I thought for a second that it was getting better because it was ony the teeth, but today there are other places in my face that twitch (next to my nose and mouth)

And i'm really obsessed.

Panicky. Hopeless. I'm trying to wait and see if this isn't just a wave, because maybe it is. I really hope so  :'( I'm writing my sx down so I can bring it to my pdoc. in a few weeks.

Thank you for caring I feel very alone and scared, as noone irl here understands my fears.

 

Corsair, This could be myoclonus. I get twitches, too, even facial twitches, and have been from various meds ever since I had a toxic reaction to one many years ago. They are myoclonus. Myoclonus is not as serious as TD and will generally go away when the med is discontinued. TD is very distinct. A doctor should be able to tell the difference. I do think you should try to get in with somebody and get this evaluated by a physician. This sounds like the sort of thing that would sound urgent enough to get you a quick appointment with whoever is covering for your doctor while he is gone. Or do you have an Urgent Care clinic? I'm not sure where you are, but we have Urgent Care walk-in clinics here. There can be a long wait like in an ER, but you eventually get to see a doctor. You need a proper diagnosis in order to decide the best course of action.

 

Gard

[[Li...]]

I need advise

 

My teeth/jaw have been making weird movements and on the surviving ad website, they told me this could very well be TD. So I would need to rapid taper;

What do I do  I was looking forward to going abroad this summer, that's why I was holding. Now I would risk everything by rapid tapering? But I could also risk everything by not tapering?

My pdoc is on holiday so I will only see him in 3-4 weeks. I am so scared. What do I do?

And if I taper , do I make a bigger cut?

                                                                                                                                                    hi Corsair.  I left you another message on SA. Try not to be afraid.  I understand your fear.  We will get through this. I am coping.  What can I do for you?

 

I'm truelly terrified. I can't calm down. I thought for a second that it was getting better because it was ony the teeth, but today there are other places in my face that twitch (next to my nose and mouth)

And i'm really obsessed.

Panicky. Hopeless. I'm trying to wait and see if this isn't just a wave, because maybe it is. I really hope so  :'( I'm writing my sx down so I can bring it to my pdoc. in a few weeks.

Thank you for caring I feel very alone and scared, as noone irl here understands my fears.

 

I hope you are ok Corsair.

[[Co...]]

I'm not doing well I'm getting all my sx that I ever experienced plus new ones and it's relentless. I don't know what is real and what isn't anymore. I just know that I'm terrified, and I'm already holding for 3 months right now. And I'm in need of some kind of window or proof that I will get better because this is horrible. I'm sorry I'm so MIA, it's just very hard to write or say coherent stuff.

[[Sh...]]

Corsair...sorry to hear you are doing badly. This whole thing sucks a lot. Im getting towards the end of my taper and im seriously over this whole thing. Feeling quite depressed atm. What benzo are you on atm?

[[ne...]]

Dear Corsair,

 

I just want to let you know I know exactly how you feel. I was heavily polydrugged for two years (19 different drugs at one time or the other). I am now off of Seroquel for 20 months and off of Ativan for almost 18 months but I am still on another drug.

Every single day I am scared to death because of the thought that the hell I am experiencing now is from the drug I am still on.

I try to forbid myself again and again to think about that too much because I just could not handle it (even if it was the case).

I, too, have very strange body movements from time to time....shakes, trembling, etc. but they always go away after a while...until they come back with the next wave.

 

I know so well how horribly hard it is to still being on another drug when all you want to do is heal and get away as far as you can from that poison. Just...please...do not let yourself being even more despaired and crazy by obsessing about other peoples "online diagnosis"!!!!!!! Everybody wants to help but sometimes these "it could be this...it could be that" posts do more harm than good.

 

If YOU  think this could be really more than your "normal" wd symptoms, of course you should see a doctor.

Just, please, try not to obsess too much about the TD now, "only" because someone from SA wrote that it MIGHT be that. For sure, the direct result will be a rise of your symptoms.

 

God, it is so horrible and I think about you a lot, since our cases are very similar.

 

Please, no matter how impossible it seems, hang in there. I had a HUGE crash in September last year. I am holding my taper since then and I am still not stabilized. So I think 3 months of no-stabilization is not unusual. 

 

What a disgusting game this is.

 

All the best for you!!!!!!!!!!

[[Hi...]]

I read that gabapentin  stops new connections  from neurons being formed. So wouldn't  that stop any sort of healing ?

[[Hi...]]

I feel you im in the same kinda position corsair i updosed couple mg on methadone  and it like glued my brain  together temporary  for a few days and now im so sick and shaky i dont know  whsts real either im being  tormented  in my own body everything  is shaking an collapsing  im freaked out things are so so bad i go through  these waves but they arent just waves the akathisia  tears everything  apart i watch myself  in horror and when im in it i sink further asnd further and then  it lifts temporarily  but it is so bad from kindling  and side effects its impossible  to make it through  now my waves are so bad its like everything  is ending  and going away changing  and i cant taper because  im already so so bad i trying to get into a long-term  psych facility  so they can taper me off and watch me cuz i cant be at home anymore my loved ones are being  tormented  too.  Badly. Im at the point where i jump out of bed and run headfirst  into wall and i cant control it. People dont understand  they say you need to taper more slowly......but im not even  tapering  this has just gotten worse. But even  if i can get into the facility  they still going to taper me i still going to gett worse and worse. I feel  like im already done. Theres noway off the meds but i need to stabilize  but i cant

i need help i need to be hospitalized  but if i just say i want to hurt myself  so they take me in its only for a week  tops and they wont listen to my story. Im at the building  psrt of wave again  this is horrible  im burning  all over i want to lay down  watch a movie  but i need a way out of this but my symptoms  are so bad they arent liveable anymore  ive been  through everything  and ive gotten  throigh days that should be reserved for the worst tormented  souls like hittler and other people but its happening.  Its gotten  worse and worse the last couple  months im clinging  to life by a thread.  And when  i up the methadone  and take it it makes  me feel  better for a few days then i have to go down cuz i cant stay awake but everything  is still happening  but the akathisia  is not like anything  ive seen others with its the mental part of it. I am wrecked. I found out i have MTHFR  gene mutation  and people with this should never be on medication it messes wth the entire detox system.  God please help me why does my brain flip. Nervous  breakdows psychotic terror running through every cell poosioned

[[Co...]]

thank you all so much for the kind words! It really makes me feel less alone. I'm in a lot of physical pain today. Really every single symptom I ever had is coming back. Trying to hold on as best as I can. I want to say so much more, but I will do it at a later point when I feel a bit better. But know you are awesome, everyone of you.

[[Co...]]

In one month I want to do a bigger cut. From 15mg to 12.5. As a sort of test. If it's as hard as a 1 mg cut, there is no use for me to go so slow. I need to know if I can handle it, if I can't well then at least I know I can't and then I should stop doubting all of this.

I can't wait, but I need to wait a month after my holiday.

Superscared, but I hate this med.

I so want to get off it.

[[Ao...]]

I have been polydrugged.

From 1990-2013 , I think I had about 8- 10 antidepressants. ( Prothiaden , Seroxat ( on it twice in this period) , Cipramil , Prozac , Anafranil , Zispin , Efexor , Lexapro , Cymbalta)

From 2013 - I was on Lithium Abilify Ambien Seroquel Cymbalta (2nd time) Xanax and Valium.

Since 2015 on Seroquel ( from 25mgs ) and tapering it now. I had previously been on Seroquel for 2 weeks in 2013.

 

 

[[Co...]]

I have been polydrugged.

From 1990-2013 , I think I had about 8- 10 antidepressants. ( Prothiaden , Seroxat ( on it twice in this period) , Cipramil , Prozac , Anafranil , Zispin , Efexor , Lexapro , Cymbalta)

From 2013 - I was on Lithium Abilify Ambien Seroquel Cymbalta (2nd time) Xanax and Valium.

Since 2015 on Seroquel ( from 25mgs ) and tapering it now. I had previously been on Seroquel for 2 weeks in 2013.

 

Do you consider yourself kindled and sensitive? I see you are tapering much faster than me and wondering what your experience is?

[[Ao...]]

Corsair

 

Yes I am tapering Seroquel 25mgs since February 2016.  I am on it since March 2015.

 

The first cut to 18.75 mgs , in February went ok. I am in daily pain since January 2014,  so  it did not really spike the pain. I had major headaches and weeping for a few days post cut. My sleeping was not affected. 

 

Second cut to 12.5 mgs I have muscle and nerve pain with left sided paresthesia dailly . Muscle twitching and vibration started badly . In hindsight , I feel I cut too quickly  and could have left it another few weeks. Increase in health anxiety.

 

Third cut to 6.25 mgs.  Headache for few days. Slightly dizzy. Tearful. Muscle twiching and a few hypnic jerks noted . Not pleasant but none of my tapers have been. Attending a Pain Consultant at this point.  Glute injury and lumbar facet arthropathy diagnosed. Query due to the medications that I have been on since 2013/14/15.  It was apparent to this particular doctor that I developed pain due to overwhelming muscle contractions and spasm brought on by certain meds. Query benzodiazepines or the others in my signature. The Consultant was hesitant to say which drugs were the culprits but he completely agreed with me that medications of this nature are a no no. For me.

I am scheduled to have a piriformis injection and nerve branch block in the near future.

 

Fourth cut to 3.125 mgs. Much the same situation as previous. I think I am less stiff..... I am still sleeping ok.

 

Time will tell.

 

Please note that this is me. Don't speed up you're own taper. Listen to your body. I can only tell you that for me , my mental symptoms are much better than this time 6 months ago and that was why I chose to taper Seroquel at that point. My physical pain remains although I think somedays it is just slightly different.  Gosh I don't want to jinx myself.

 

Yes I do consider myself kindled and extremely sensitive to meds.

 

From your posts I can see that you are in an awful lot of pain too. I'm so sorry.  You like me have had a lot of meds. I feel that we will recover but it will take time.

 

Wishing you the very best. 

 

Hugs.

 

 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

Any other polydrugged ppl out here? I sometimes feel weirdly jealous of ppl who are 'only' on benzo's; Which is a stupid thought to have. But I feel it's going to take a long, long time before I can withdraw from all these pills.

 

 

I WAS poly-drugged. I am now free of anything. You all can do that, too.

Just one after the other and slowly.

Its a journey in which you might learn more than in a therapy.

I was in a mess when I started it and if I can do that, you can do it, for sure.

[[Li...]]

I'm bumping this thread because it is an important support group.

[[Co...]]

I'm really shaking again, some of the other sx are better, so i'm scared again that it's a side effect as opposed to a withdrawal effect. Because of my pelvis i can't really taper right now. I'm a bit scared, ireally hope the shaking stops.

[[Li...]]

I'm really shaking again, some of the other sx are better, so i'm scared again that it's a side effect as opposed to a withdrawal effect. Because of my pelvis i can't really taper right now. I'm a bit scared, ireally hope the shaking stops.

 

I'm not sure if you posted this before or after you mentioned you got 9 hours of glorious sleep... 

[[...]]

I was on Ativan an tapering/started crossing over to Valium to taper but didn't fully cross because Vaiulm was a horrible choice for me.  So I'm tapering both. Is that considered polydrugged?  Also, I was concentrating in tapering Ativan but now I'm second guessing myself because I've been a total non functioning mess since I started taking Valium. Should I concentrate on getting rid of the Valium first.  Any direction is greatly appreciated. Thank You.🙏

[[...]]

Anybody?