What do you do when you are the horror story

[[Bu...]]

Hello,

everyone always says not to read the horror stories, but what do you do when you are one? My history is detailed in past posts but I’ve made about every mistake one can make in this. Up and down on dose, adding meds etc. I’ve lost all my hope. I was super human before this, I was kind and treated everyone well. I don’t know what I did to deserve the level of suffering I am currently experiencing. It’s beyond anything. I still have 3.7 mg of Valium to taper and that seems nearly impossible. What do you do when you are the worst case scenario? 

[[Bo...]]

I’m the same and I am so so sorry. I almost posted this exact thing last night.

sending you love and please know there are others in the same boat and you’re nkt alone. 

I hope others will chime in bc I don’t know anymore. It is beyond what I can cope with none of the coping tools I used for four years can help.

lots of love , please keep talking to people. 

[[Bu...]]

@[Bo...] thank you, it’s so hard being in this place. It’s just seeming never ending for me. I am sorry that you are here to 😔

[[Bo...]]

Hugs and love and Hope some people who’ve been around here for a while and experienced with lots of the harder stories can chime  in.

 

[[Bo...]]

Bump 

[[Bu...]]

5 hours ago, [[B...] said:

Hugs and love and Hope some people who’ve been around here for a while and experienced with lots of the harder stories can chime  in.

Thank you. It’s just hard to know what to do when it gets SO bad and you aren’t the norm. Everyone says it will heal but it’s hard to believe that when my story is SO messy 

[[Pi...]]

I've had a pretty substandard withdrawal myself. I spent several years in tolerance with no one knowing what the heck was wrong with me and no one suspecting benzos were the problem. To me, THAT is the definition of hopeless. When you don't even know what the problem is, it's very hard to have hope for improvement.

So for me, coming from that reality, I'm pretty happy. Sure, I did think I'd be better waaaay sooner than this and instead I'm at 5 years and counting and people are horrified by that and think it's the worst thing they can imagine. But it's not the worst thing I can imagine because I had 7 years of getting sicker and sicker with no answer at all! Way worse. At least now I know what happened and that I will improve.

I guess my point is, this process is whatever you judge it to be in your mind. A lot of people wouldn't want to be me, but I'm mostly happy and enjoying myself. It's all relative, all a judgment of the mind. That doesn't mean I don't have my moments. I would love to be done with this tomorrow, but I've also found a way to live as well as I possibly can in the state that I'm in. That way it's not so all-consumingly important that I heal quickly and I'm not so resistant to the symptoms. Resistance increases stress and that's the last thing I need.

I get it, though. You want to be a best-case scenario or at least in the middle of the pack. No one wants to be an outlier. I think grieving our losses is part of this process for sure, but we don't want to get stuck there either. That's my take for what it's worth.

Cheers,

Pickl

[[De...]]

Dude trust me I made every single mistake in the book with regards to my meds. Give yourself grace. You’re human and strong and you can do this. 

[[Le...]]

I made the mistake of listening to doctors too. I feel like these pseudoscientists take advantage of people at their most vulnerable.  When you are a mess and will try anything with a sliver of hope they try something and make the mistakes for you. You are tapering and going to be much better than many at the end. It does end. You arent the worst case scenario. 

[[Bu...]]

@[Pi...] @[De...] @[Le...]

thank you all so much for your responses. I guess it’s just hard to believe I will heal because off all the ups and downs (kindling?) other meds etc. Thank you for a little

bit of hope 🩷

[[An...]]

On 28/04/2024 at 11:46, [[B...] said:

Hello,

everyone always says not to read the horror stories, but what do you do when you are one? My history is detailed in past posts but I’ve made about every mistake one can make in this. Up and down on dose, adding meds etc. I’ve lost all my hope. I was super human before this, I was kind and treated everyone well. I don’t know what I did to deserve the level of suffering I am currently experiencing. It’s beyond anything. I still have 3.7 mg of Valium to taper and that seems nearly impossible. What do you do when you are the worst case scenario? 

Your history says>>>

Quote

 tapered 5mg of Valium without issue (was about to jump at 0.25mg Valium when I imploded to due vaccine

Looks like you were doing pretty good prior to the COVID scare. Did the possibility of getting COVID cause your anxiety to spike, thus the 15 mg updose?

COVID had a huge psychological impact on many ppl who have never gotten the virus due to health anxiety.

[[Bu...]]

@[An...] I actually got pericarditis and went into what felt like acute WD (lots of mental symptoms). I hope I can one day get back to feeling that good 

Edited May 5 by [Bu...]
Extra info

[[Bo...]]

Take as much time as you like coming off. I did a cold turkey off 6 mgs of valium and it was a nightmare. Take as much time as you like. Make tiny cuts in reduction. Go back to the level you were on for a bit if the cut/reduction makes you feel so bad. Slow and steady wins the race. Be well.

[[Bu...]]

@[Bo...] I’m sorry you had to experience a CT. No level really gets back to feeling ok so just tapering from here on out. I hope you’re feeling better day by day 

[[An...]]

2 hours ago, [[B...] said:

@[An...] I actually got pericarditis and went into what felt like acute WD (lots of mental symptoms). I hope I can one day get back to feeling that good 

What caused the pericarditis?

[[Bu...]]

@[An...] the vaccine 

[[jo...]]

Is the covid vaccine known to cause problems?

Thanks

[[Le...]]

no   we are prone to lots of autoimmune problems though. could even be a rare reaction or maybe coincidence and something else. 

[[Bu...]]

@[jo...] it was for me. I know it’s heated subject so I won’t say too much but it caused pericarditis for me. 

[[An...]]

Ok, thanks Bunnie? Have you ever had COVID?

[[Bu...]]

@[An...] yes I had it 3 times post vaccine but recovered well each time