Long-Term Users group - w/d and recovery after longterm use

[[MT...]]

Mozart, I think this is very, very, very hard but ultimately worth it to get our brains back from the drugs. It sounds like you'll be safe from seizure and that the misery is unavoidable. It's scary to take more steps when your now is so lousy but you can pat yourself on the back with every bit of progress.

[[Mo...]]

MT

Thanks. I got this thing. Feeling better today than I have in a very long time...so far.

I just have to figure out how to cope with the deep regrets of not having lived my life's purpose. That hurts terribly. I missed out on so much in life.

I hope you are doing well today. Thank you so much for your friendship and support.

 

Love

M

[[MT...]]

Mozart, it's easy to drown in regrets. We all make choices and we all also did, and are doing, the best we can. I've missed a lot but focusing on that is like tying cement blocks on your feet and trying to swim. I try to focus instead on what small items have been accomplished. It's not all a loss. There's a great line from an Indigo Girls song that I often reflect on: "You can stand there and agonize 'til your agony's your heaviest load." It's simpler to deal with the losses rather than getting bogged down in my agony about what I've missed, done wrong, etc.

 

I'm glad you're feeling better today. I'm super tired today and longing for rest and sleep that doesn't happen. Probably won't happen for a long time.

[[Mo...]]

Yeah...true dat

Love the Indigo Girls

Thanks MT

[[pr...]]

You can stand there and agonize 'til your agony's your heaviest load."

 

what a great line! i love The Indigo Girls!

[[MT...]]

One bit of progress I've noticed in the past two months is the ability to feel music (for lack of a better word). The Indigo Girls are one group I listen to and can feel something--joy, sadness, loss, love, even just the beauty of a harmony and they harmonize so well. Harmony seems to hit me more powerfully than anything so that's the kind of music I've been going for. Crosby, Stills and Nash are good for that too. After feeling so emotionally flat, this seems like a privilege to feel. But of course, with wd, everything goes to extremes so I also tend to cry now during moving commercials.  Anyone else have this?

[[pr...]]

One bit of progress I've noticed in the past two months is the ability to feel music (for lack of a better word). The Indigo Girls are one group I listen to and can feel something--joy, sadness, loss, love, even just the beauty of a harmony and they harmonize so well. Harmony seems to hit me more powerfully than anything so that's the kind of music I've been going for. Crosby, Stills and Nash are good for that too. After feeling so emotionally flat, this seems like a privilege to feel. But of course, with wd, everything goes to extremes so I also tend to cry now during moving commercials.  Anyone else have this?

 

this does come up for me in glimpses but doesn't stay. i can't wait for it to totally come back again. i can cry at certain touching things in a movie and/or TV show/sitcom even but i haven't been able to truly cry despondently since the c/t.

[[Mo...]]

You guys...I am overly sedated from the valium

Almost fully crossed6 over but not quite. Head woozy...way too sedated. Following ashton schedule. Is this dangerous?

[[NY...]]

I'm having such a problem cutting down that one doc suggested that I continue taking my current dose even for many more years - until I get myself back together.  I feel like if I don't get off now, I'll never get off.  But it's so hard to keep going on this path.

 

I feel the same  but whats the alternative going backwards? I went in to tolerance withdrawal, was CTd's, and being put on and taken off many different benzos as well as lots of other drugs, life on them was awful and coming off benzos is super hell.

 

Compared to coming off Oxycontin high strengths, oxycodone, dihydrocodine, codine, lyrica, morphine, z drugs, anti seizures drugs, ssri's, AD's, you name it I was prescribed it for all my ''Illnesses'' I never had until I was prescribed 30 to 40 Ativan ( Lorazepam) per day which is + to 600 to 800mg of Diazepam( Valium). And got pulled off CT by a Doctor 

 

I took myself off everyone with no help support or back up at all and I live alone.Getting off this last 4mg of Diazepam I now got myself down to is the least of two evils as I was having many of the bad symptoms I have now while I was on them.

 

Obviously as the withdrawal intensifies things are getting worse, although this won't happen to everyone. BUT I remember another time when i came off benzos I felt great in a few short weeks which consisted of just feeling down over those few weeks. For about 3 months maybe longer I felt amazing, only for 4 year's of hell to break out with no warning plus even more misdiagnoses.

 

 

And many people said they regretted not sticking it out as each time they became ill again after going back to square one only to become worse then go through WD all over again, and each time it gets worse. I've gone through to much for too many year's to throw the towel in now because its bad and worsening I remember laying on the bed howling like an animal in agony when I was on the prescribed dose and not getting well just worse for nothing?

 

This time I'm getting worse because I'm on the way to getting well and having myself and my life back, thats the big difference in suffering this time, no way do I want to go back to end up here again but even worse?? This is already hell city and I'm planning to move out not back in.

 

Nova xxxx  :smitten:

 

Yes yes yes. Very happy to have found this thread..I have been looking for you guys!

 

I am so sleepy, but only check new replies these days, ad didn't want to lose you all.  Will add more after some rest.

 

Cheers

Wr

 

 

[[Mo...]]

DOES ANYONE KNOW IF THIS ALL-OVER, PAINFUL HEADACHE WILL GO AWAY? I KNOW IT'S FROM VALIUM BECAUSE I AM ALMOST CROSSED OVER AND I AM NOT A HEADACHE PERSON. THANK YOU.

 

Mo

[[MT...]]

Mozart, the headache passes. It can be pretty rough until then.

 

Nova, I so agree with the sentiment that while going through this wd for periods of time we're worse but at least we're on our way to getting our lives back and getting well. That's what helps me fight on. I see no progress with my sleep (among other things but sleeping so little is brutal) but I have to be closer to health than I've been in a couple of decades.

 

Today I've been super emotional. Probably made worse by zero sleep last night but my kid graduated with his PhD today. On one hand it was hard to tolerate all of the activity the way I feel but it also was great to be able to be here for this passage. I kept getting choked up and starting to cry, over and over. A happy kind of cry but embarrassing. It doesn't seem to take much these days to turn me into a blithering idiot. 

[[Mo...]]

MTfan

Congratulations. what is he a doctor of?

Thanks for the tip on the headache

No sleep is brutal. I am sorry. Lie there and rest.

Love,

M

[[MT...]]

He got his PhD in math. I'm a psychology type and don't even know all of my times tables. Don't even get me started on fractions. Fortunately his dad is a physicist (lots of math). I was pulling for one (or both) of the kids to have some poet in them or a love of the mind but this is pretty cool too. Both are ending up doing computer stuff. We all love science and learning though. I can feel dumb in this family but I try to remember that the world needs some people who can work with mental health too At least I can always get help with my computer!

[[Mo...]]

MTfan, wow, brilliance abounds with you guys. My stepson just got his bachelor's in math. He has Asberger's, so this is great.

Congrats to you.

 

Since I have crossed over to Valium, my body, especially my legs, is in a world of excruciating,  diffuse pain. Almost as bad as when I tried statins. Although only one dose caused incredible pain in my legs. I thought Valium is USED to HELP pain? Please tell me if you can make heads or tails of this.I still think of suicide daily. 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Can someone please tell me how to get back on Klonopin from this Valium c/o? Klonopin turned on me but Valium is making my mind bad and lots of pain. I am almost all the way crossed over.

[[MT...]]

Mozart, from my understanding, Valium acts slightly differently (slower onset with longer action and addresses anxiety, sleep, muscle tension with different levels of strength than other benzos). So I think what happens is that there is a kind of wd from the action of the drug you c/o from until your body adjusts, but then the stages of wd you have ahead of you on just valium go more smoothly than a direct taper. Might it be worth seeing if this gets better soon?

[[...]]

To Those c/o to Valium/Diazepam or thinking about it : I was on 2 mg of Ativan/Lorazepam (also Restoril 30 mg , c/t after 6-7 weeks freaked out , reinstated after 7 weeks) after reinstating Restoril/Temazepam and getting stabile , I started tapering the A , VERY TOUGH , inter-dose wd sxs , got to 1.5 mg A , c/o to V 15 mg , direct c/o comatose almost I was sedated so much , plus still having wd sxs , took about 60 days or so I think to totally get the wd sxs from the A knocked out , and began tapering the V , still hurt , tinnitus , other things , but much better . It takes time for the V to build up and the A to subside . Get stabile then start tapering , being a heart patient I am going slow , staying at 5% on my cuts . sxs from taper take me about 4 weeks to hit more or less (everyones different) , but I cut again during increased sxs and it never affects the current sxs . But I'm still on 30 mg Restoril , saving that Booger for last (Drs say I can't stop , but they say that about the other , too) . No inter-dose wd sxs once you stabilize on V , the A relief only lasted about a hour to a hour and a half , taken in three doses . sxs were pretty severe , but I was knocking .25 mg A at a time . Shaking , DR , DP , Vision , Head(still with increased sxs) , Joints(still) , Skin (still) , but the Really Severe sxs are gone . During the (accidental) c/t (had no idea) started as a virus/flu , then panic , anxiety , to voices , suicidal inclinations , you name it , I had it , everything except seizures . I've been taking this junk for 11 years and counting had defibrillator going off during both Restoril c/t and tapering A , ran out of juice , replaced in Oct. 2014 , Atrial Ablation Nov. 2014 , resumed taper 1/1/2015 going slow at 5% or less V You still have sxs , just not the really BAD ones and they increase whenever the cut hits. I would Highly Recommend c/o to V !

[[MT...]]

I miss this thread. I know there are a bunch of us long-term users so I wanted to give this a bump.

 

I see signs of progress. In the past three weeks I've had one good (still have symptoms but able to feel good anyway) day each week. That's after NO days of feeling good for 26 months (I thought it was less time but I thought back and noticed I'd left out most of a year). So this gives me more hope. I'll be glad when there's any progress with insomnia but I believe it will come in time. I just need to keep putting these days behind me.

 

How are the rest of you doing?

[[Mo...]]

Hi MTfan  I am glad to be back in this group. We long term users really need this and each other. I am very glad to hear you are getting some progress.  But after so darn long that's very tough.

 

I am doing the Valium c/o. No midday dose. Very hard that part. I used benedryl yesterday to help with the big anxiety piercing through which helped, but my goal In the long run is to learn to cope without that pill-popping transaction that I have done since age 16, 39 years ago.

 

Tough stuff.

 

Hope you stay better.

 

Mo

[[MT...]]

Mozart, I'm really glad to hear that you're making progress with your taper. It's a very difficult thing to do and you're DOING it

 

That pill popping thing is a tough thing to break after so many years. I've been on meds for 27 years and took several as needed meds before that. Now I think before I even take tylenol. I'll be especially happy when I don't have to take anything at all in order to sleep but that's going to take some time it seems. Our recovery might take longer as long-term users but that will make it all the sweeter.

 

Choose hope. That's one of my new mottos. It's so easy to choose despair in the midst of this.

 

Hopefully yours,

 

Katie

[[on...]]

Hey you two.  Hope I can do my share to bump this it up.  I'm in hiding right now and fighting a couple of real tough days.  Not up to writing but I will say that just saying hello has made the rest of my day better 

 

Paul

[[no...]]

Hey you two.  Hope I can do my share to bump this it up.  I'm in hiding right now and fighting a couple of real tough days.  Not up to writing but I will say that just saying hello has made the rest of my day better 

 

Paul

 

Hi everyone  I am also having a tough time right now with some sxs escalating and new ones coming along and anxiety, pain and sensitivity climbing, and am now having to hold my taper once again as each 00.1 daily cut kicks my butt. Its going to take longer but so what?

 

I've been trapped on this shit and poly drugged because of it for 30+ year's now and like others I am doing it all alone with no support or help. But it takes what it takes, and I'm not going to back off only to go through this hell yet again and worse each time? Enough typing for now as its fkn agony but just wanted to do the same as Paul and say hi  show my support and let everyone know we are still here, if I'm able to I will write more later.

 

 

Keep fighting  Together we can do this With love to everyone here    Nova xxx :smitten:

[[MT...]]

Nova and One year, thanks for checking in. I was wondering how you were both doing. I'm so sorry you've hit a rough patch of road. When your on those patches it feels like it's going to last forever. It's so hard to keep perspective. I know I felt pretty bat$#% last weekend and it was hard to feel any hope. All I could do was keep going. Wd, especially for long-termers, takes a particular kind of determination that we sometimes have to borrow from other BB when ours wanes. When we're past this we're going to have massively developed internal resources and may be able to fly...at least figurativly. Hang in there, buddies :smitten:

[[Mo...]]

Hope you're right MTfan. It is so good to hear from you guys.

Keep hanging on tight. It's a bitch.

 

I am still searching for meaning and a reason to wake up Ianthe morning.

 

Love

Mo

[[MT...]]

Mo, there is purpose and meaning to be had in this when we look in it like--creating a better tomorrow/future for ourselves, becoming stronger and benzo free, and the many ways we'll be able to help and serve others when we're in better shape. With all of the internal and external resources we've had to develop we'll be the wise women/wise men that can accompany others in their difficult passages, wd related and otherwise.

 

Those periods of escalated or more intense symptoms are difficult to ride out but there is always an end ahead. It would be great to know when and where that is but until we join the psychic friends network we have to live with the uncertainty and the hope provided by those who are ahead of us. I'm sending thoughts and (((hugs))) your way long-termers.