Long-Term Users group - w/d and recovery after longterm use

[[Mo...]]

MTfan

You are right and wise as usual.

 

I have been ill for a few weeks with low grade getting higher fevers, freezing even though it's hot, sneezing, stuffy, awful other stuff. So sick. I finally went to Urgent Care today. Got antibiotics which I suspect I have needed for a couple of weeks. She said my lungs sound good luckily (big fear being asthmatic), but saw a probable sinus infection as it looked awful in my nose.

 

I have not just fear of antibiotics but terror. Although I have terror about every fu**ing thing. I loathe that. I opted for an antibiotic I have tolerated before (I have this fear because years ago I had anaphylaxis from an antibiotic I had used twice before). It is hard on my gut and praying it won't turn on me allergy-wise. But I NEED it. So sick of this living in extreme fear. Just shoot me someone. I wish I could just take one of my Xanax. I have some, but I don't touch them. I am on Ashton 10 mg Valium twice a day. Holding to that amount longer than the recommended two weeks. All it does is give me agitation. Benzo rage. I know a Xanax would quell some of this terror of my infection and antibiotics.

But I have to LEARN to deal with this! I have only popped a pill for this fear all my life..39 years of benzos.

 

No one's forcing me off of them.  It's a choice I made.

UGH.

[[MT...]]

Mo, you're being brave. I'm glad you got some antibiotics and are facing your fears. Do you find eating yogurt or taking probiotics helps? It does for most of us when we take antibiotics. If the craving gets bad do you have someone you can call? That can be helpful. You're working hard to get better so staying on course is a huge thing.

[[Mo...]]

Hi BB friends. I have missed you all. I have been very sick with both sinus and bronchitis infection. I am in withdrawal Hell on top of it. On antibiotic. I have had a fever anywhere from 99.5 to 100.8 for a month which won't go away. Not only should the doctor have ordered a Ct of my sinuses but she should lengthen the 10 day course of my Doxycycline. She did a lung fray and bloodwork but that's it. She actually had her assistant call me to tell me she thinks my thermometer must be wrong. But I had a fever in her office!!! And I have 2 thermometers. They're not wrong.  I am very upset. If I call her again they will think I am neurotic and I will lose her. I AM incredibly neurotic. Worse now because I sm in so much severe terror and sx from the Valium taper. I am in Hell all over again. Very scared I will die. I cannot calm down at all. I am completely bedridden. Was supposed to go with stepson and hubby to a Father's Day restaurant meal tonight.  Couldn't go. I need you guys I am TRULY inconsolable like the little girl who just list her mom that I was at eleven. I cannot calm down. My biggest fear is not only the fever that recurs daily but that I am freezing on 90 degree days.One time I had something like this and my tooth was infected.  Doctors couldn't figure it out then either.  I got hooked on oxycodone then. Now it could be another tooth that is tender.  I cannot take opiates if another tooth has to try to be saved. I may have to get it pulled like my other MAIN tooth was on the other side. And my upper airways sound like the possessed girl wheezing in the exorcist.  I would be grateful for your help.  Inconsolable.

Mozart

[[no...]]

Hi everyone how are you all? I am not too good and its not helped by the fact we have a problem with arse holes that have been using the area where I live as a off road bike race track for 8 months everyday and now its worse than ever persistently revving of engines for 8 hours or more at an intolerable noise level. I am hyper sensitive and itys driving me mental, a few of us keep calling the Police but FA happens and the bastards  are still at it come rain or shine.

 

I have to sit with ear plugs in and my windows shut and can't sit outside for fresh air thats when I'm able to get out and the stress of the constant noise has pushed my bad wave in to even worse than it was and I'm finding it hard to cope.

 

I'm now completely mentally and physically 100% stressed about them showing up at any time all the time and its now become part of the obsessive loop thinking I've had for ages along with a lot of painful and mental and emotional sxs, now I'm never sure if its my awful tinnitus ever worsening or the bloody noise from the bikes.

 

Theres a railway track about 200 yards away I used to find the passing train sound relaxing but not anymore its too loud as are passing aircraft and running a tap can be painful on the ears too. And quite often I feel as if some evil dark side has created all this havoc on purpose to keep me down and prevent healing or worse?

 

I know it sounds nuts and its seriously bad coincidence but the bike problem started at the beginning of my taper and got increasingly worse to the point its unbearable and things were hard enough to deal with before. WTF are you supposed to do when the main cause of your stress isn't inside you but outside and beyond your control and  there's no hope or sight of it stopping? Others are pissed off and angry about it but I'm the only one in Benzo WD.

 

I did ask others if they were on or coming off medication without saying why or telling them about what I was going through. Ten year's tolerance  WD and now this crap when I'm trying to help myself heal and gathering more and worsening sxs along the way?

 

Just need to talk/vent about it as I live alone with no support and no one I can discuss anything thats troubling me never mind talk about Benzo WD, no one gives a shit anyway even my siblings don't bother ringing or texting to ask how I am. 

 

And today I have to go to the dentist and the machine that powers the dental equipment is in a cupboard next to the waiting room and WC and the noise from that rattles the building fkN NIGHTMARE!!!  And I have to try and walk there as I can't bear to get in  cab all the noise and vibration and the dreaded air fresheners plus the traffic noise on the way there.

 

Despite the 'ME' post I hope at least some of you ae making progress and even if you feel you aren't keep hanging on things have got to change your all in my thoughts.

 

Love to everyone Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[pr...]]

Nova,

 

i have a railroad track less than 100 yards by my home and i have two trains that come by sometimes every 20 mintues. it's maddening and it's lilke Grand fkN Central Station. the worst part is the anticipitory anxiety/obsession of when the next train is coming. and when 2-3 come in a row, i want to shoot them down. 

 

there are times when the obsession about the trains lift and there are times when i am not even aware of it. i know that my brain is more balanced during those times but is ever so rare. i also have highway noise and motorcycles that makes me feel nauseated. hyperacusis has been by far one of the worst symptoms for me and is ever so physical along with feelings of rage (misphonia symptom) and then there are the leaf blowers that come by a few times per week and when they work close to my house the fumes literally come in here, that really enrages me. i use the mack's earplugs a long with some pretty heavy duty ear muffs.

 

 

[[Be...]]

Nova 1, boy can I relate to your sound sensitivity problems.  I live in a mobile home park and the noise will erupt without notice at any time.  Monster truck revving, cycles revving, kids screaming, nabe across the street lets her dogs bolt out the door and then she screams at them.  Pitbull across the creek barks nonstop, highway outside droning all the time.  Even a nabe has a ring on a flagpole that bangs constantly when the wind blows.  I wrote him a note and asked him to move it since he doesn't use the flagpole.  He thought I was nuts and I'm sure tore the note up. 

[[Ma...]]

Hello! I'm new to this thread. I was hoping to find something like this. I don't know if people are very active on here anymore. I have been on klonopin for 12+ years and I was mostly on 6mg, but at points I was on 8mg. I was in tolerance withdrawal for years and I didn't know it. I was so tired, depressed etc. my Drs never knew what it was. It's so hard when you have been on a benzo for so long. My p/doc says your body doesn't know how long you've been on it, but I don't believe that for a second. I hope to get to talk to some long term members!

[[pr...]]

Hello! I'm new to this thread. I was hoping to find something like this. I don't know if people are very active on here anymore. I have been on klonopin for 12+ years and I was mostly on 6mg, but at points I was on 8mg. I was in tolerance withdrawal for years and I didn't know it. I was so tired, depressed etc. my Drs never knew what it was. It's so hard when you have been on a benzo for so long. My p/doc says your body doesn't know how long you've been on it, but I don't believe that for a second. I hope to get to talk to some long term members!

 

Maya,

nice to meet you. i was on klonopin for over ten years. and i had been on it once before for many years but somehow got off it and had 7 years being totally benzo free before i picked it up again. i wish that were true that the body doesn't know how long you've been on the drug. maybe as far as brain plascisicty is concerned i could possibly think that maybe true but i don't think so unfortunately. it does seem that even some of the short time users can get pretty crushed by this -- maybe it's dependent upon genetics or methylation (the bodies detoxifying system)...?

[[no...]]

Hello! I'm new to this thread. I was hoping to find something like this. I don't know if people are very active on here anymore. I have been on klonopin for 12+ years and I was mostly on 6mg, but at points I was on 8mg. I was in tolerance withdrawal for years and I didn't know it. I was so tired, depressed etc. my Drs never knew what it was. It's so hard when you have been on a benzo for so long. My p/doc says your body doesn't know how long you've been on it, but I don't believe that for a second. I hope to get to talk to some long term members!

 

Maya,

nice to meet you. i was on klonopin for over ten years. and i had been on it once before for many years but somehow got off it and had 7 years being totally benzo free before i picked it up again. i wish that were true that the body doesn't know how long you've been on the drug. maybe as far as brain plascisicty is concerned i could possibly think that maybe true but i don't think so unfortunately. it does seem that even some of the short time users can get pretty crushed by this -- maybe it's dependent upon genetics or methylation (the bodies detoxifying system)...?

 

 

Hail fellow  warriors  I wish it was true to but we're all living proof ''oh yes your body knows more than you or you know it does!! My symptoms have worsened the longer I was on the drug. What started with one 'Misdiagnosis'' due to the actual problem being Benzo related and nothing else, worsened and escalated into a gang of misdiagnosis's and seriously poly drugged by every drug family. 

 

Then more misdiagnoses are the benzo problems were escalating plus the other drugs were adding their own side effects and causing even worse Benzo WD as certain drugs were stopping the benzos clinging  by using the same receptors.

 

I now have problems with physiological, psychological , emotional, spiritual functions inside and out which I know had I been aware the 'illnesses'' I was mysteriously collecting after being a supreme athlete and turning in to a supreme wreak with no apparent causes as far as I was concerned. Even when I was getting 'Diagnosed''  no matter what the Doctors said to be getting so many ''illnesses'' for no good reason still made no sense to me. After being declared dying a few times for GOOD reason, I really was, and I knew that I  was, I could feel it apart form the time I was in a coma. 

 

And I also nearly died from Anaphylaxis  shock after being an antibiotic while in tolerance WD after the Doctor mistook what I kept insisting was wrong  WD symptoms for a kidney infection. I am also getting worsening symptoms as I taper of my so called ''illnesses'' that never were, and more fkn !"£^@!!.</'!! ganging up on me as I get lower so I hold, and my taper is super slow since I got down to 4mg.

 

Its taken me from 20/4/2015 at 4mg  to now to get down to 3.70ml but thats okay and I'm holding for as long as I need to until these sxs ease off enough and long enough for me to continue. And I am not going to rush it and jump off as much as I want this over steaming ahead and listening to every one else as to what's best for you because it's worked great for them is lethal. 

 

I've been told that I'm not doing it right, or water alone is no good ( I'm doing micro titration using plain spring water and nothing else  ), blah, blah, yadda, yadda, there is no right way or wrong way nothing is set in stone and we may need  help with the plan of how to taper. But we also need to plan our own route our own way once we got any needed instructions, and don't judge our experience during our tapers up against other peoples, we may be similar but we really are unique and so are our tapers as in whats right for us personally.

 

Reassurance is what people need not reprimanding for listening to our own bodies after all we're in them, others dwell in theirs, and one size doesn't fit all so don't think your getting it wrong by not following the crowd. You will know when you've found your own niche' and if it works for you stick to it don't let the bad day's throw you in to a panic nor others opinions.

 

Its more common to hit a bump during WD than not and we're going to get bad day's, good day's and WTF day's, times we need to hold and times we may be able to go right on with not too much trouble. Its easy to buy in to ''It was working but now I need to change my taper method'' when we hit a wall, it happens slow down

 

Its no good ignoring sxs and plowing ahead regardless even with a micro taper you may need to hold the same as dry cutting tablets, if you feel your sxs are suddenly getting out of control or unmanageable then hold until YOU feel whats right for you personally. 

 

I'm posting a link from B.A.T battle against tranquilizers here in UK which I didn't know existed until a few months after joining BB when another Brit bought it up. The FAQ'S page has some useful information on it which I hope some of you will find helpful http://www.bataid.org/faqs.aspx.

 

As you can see I survived the walk to the dentist how the crap I got there I don't know, and the appointment went okay, getting there wasn't easy but the walk home was much more pleasant and after being stuck indoors on the floor AGAIN!!  was pleasantly enjoyable.

 

So everything that was freaking me out turned out to be more manageable then I expected with a LOT of self talk , some courage and a big kick up my own butt, and so far I'm functioning and getting through the day and am super grateful for that

 

Love to everyone new or established  here Nova xxx :smitten:

[[Ma...]]

Hello! I'm new to this thread. I was hoping to find something like this. I don't know if people are very active on here anymore. I have been on klonopin for 12+ years and I was mostly on 6mg, but at points I was on 8mg. I was in tolerance withdrawal for years and I didn't know it. I was so tired, depressed etc. my Drs never knew what it was. It's so hard when you have been on a benzo for so long. My p/doc says your body doesn't know how long you've been on it, but I don't believe that for a second. I hope to get to talk to some long term members!

 

Maya,

nice to meet you. i was on klonopin for over ten years. and i had been on it once before for many years but somehow got off it and had 7 years being totally benzo free before i picked it up again. i wish that were true that the body doesn't know how long you've been on the drug. maybe as far as brain plascisicty is concerned i could possibly think that maybe true but i don't think so unfortunately. it does seem that even some of the short time users can get pretty crushed by this -- maybe it's dependent upon genetics or methylation (the bodies detoxifying system)...?

 

Pretty,

It's so nice to meet you! Congrats on being benzo free for so long. My p/doc has no idea what he's talking about. He also thinks that once the klonopin is out of your system you are fine. He suggested I do a one week phenobarbital detox. Luckily, he lets me taper at my own pace. I definitely think it's hard when you have been on it so long. It is different for each person. I see short term and short dose users come off so quickly. Sometimes you will see some one who has been on it a shorter time have a more difficult time. Also being on it such a long time has greatly affected my life. I have been on it over a third of my life. I was put on it at 18. I think genetics and methylation have something to do with it. I also metabolize medicine it quickly. I don't know if that has an effect. I'm just trying to do a slower taper so life is bearable and my body has time to heal. I think that seems to be what's best.

[[Ma...]]

Hello! I'm new to this thread. I was hoping to find something like this. I don't know if people are very active on here anymore. I have been on klonopin for 12+ years and I was mostly on 6mg, but at points I was on 8mg. I was in tolerance withdrawal for years and I didn't know it. I was so tired, depressed etc. my Drs never knew what it was. It's so hard when you have been on a benzo for so long. My p/doc says your body doesn't know how long you've been on it, but I don't believe that for a second. I hope to get to talk to some long term members!

 

Maya,

nice to meet you. i was on klonopin for over ten years. and i had been on it once before for many years but somehow got off it and had 7 years being totally benzo free before i picked it up again. i wish that were true that the body doesn't know how long you've been on the drug. maybe as far as brain plascisicty is concerned i could possibly think that maybe true but i don't think so unfortunately. it does seem that even some of the short time users can get pretty crushed by this -- maybe it's dependent upon genetics or methylation (the bodies detoxifying system)...?

 

 

Hail fellow  warriors  I wish it was true to but we're all living proof ''oh yes your body knows more than you or you know it does!! My symptoms have worsened the longer I was on the drug. What started with one 'Misdiagnosis'' due to the actual problem being Benzo related and nothing else, worsened and escalated into a gang of misdiagnosis's and seriously poly drugged by every drug family. 

 

Then more misdiagnoses are the benzo problems were escalating plus the other drugs were adding their own side effects and causing even worse Benzo WD as certain drugs were stopping the benzos clinging  by using the same receptors.

 

I now have problems with physiological, psychological , emotional, spiritual functions inside and out which I know had I been aware the 'illnesses'' I was mysteriously collecting after being a supreme athlete and turning in to a supreme wreak with no apparent causes as far as I was concerned. Even when I was getting 'Diagnosed''  no matter what the Doctors said to be getting so many ''illnesses'' for no good reason still made no sense to me. After being declared dying a few times for GOOD reason, I really was, and I knew that I  was, I could feel it apart form the time I was in a coma. 

 

And I also nearly died from Anaphylaxis  shock after being an antibiotic while in tolerance WD after the Doctor mistook what I kept insisting was wrong  WD symptoms for a kidney infection. I am also getting worsening symptoms as I taper of my so called ''illnesses'' that never were, and more fkn !"£^@!!.</'!! ganging up on me as I get lower so I hold, and my taper is super slow since I got down to 4mg.

 

Its taken me from 20/4/2015 at 4mg  to now to get down to 3.70ml but thats okay and I'm holding for as long as I need to until these sxs ease off enough and long enough for me to continue. And I am not going to rush it and jump off as much as I want this over steaming ahead and listening to every one else as to what's best for you because it's worked great for them is lethal. 

 

I've been told that I'm not doing it right, or water alone is no good ( I'm doing micro titration using plain spring water and nothing else  ), blah, blah, yadda, yadda, there is no right way or wrong way nothing is set in stone and we may need  help with the plan of how to taper. But we also need to plan our own route our own way once we got any needed instructions, and don't judge our experience during our tapers up against other peoples, we may be similar but we really are unique and so are our tapers as in whats right for us personally.

 

Reassurance is what people need not reprimanding for listening to our own bodies after all we're in them, others dwell in theirs, and one size doesn't fit all so don't think your getting it wrong by not following the crowd. You will know when you've found your own niche' and if it works for you stick to it don't let the bad day's throw you in to a panic nor others opinions.

 

Its more common to hit a bump during WD than not and we're going to get bad day's, good day's and WTF day's, times we need to hold and times we may be able to go right on with not too much trouble. Its easy to buy in to ''It was working but now I need to change my taper method'' when we hit a wall, it happens slow down

 

Its no good ignoring sxs and plowing ahead regardless even with a micro taper you may need to hold the same as dry cutting tablets, if you feel your sxs are suddenly getting out of control or unmanageable then hold until YOU feel whats right for you personally. 

 

I'm posting a link from B.A.T battle against tranquilizers here in UK which I didn't know existed until a few months after joining BB when another Brit bought it up. The FAQ'S page has some useful information on it which I hope some of you will find helpful http://www.bataid.org/faqs.aspx.

 

As you can see I survived the walk to the dentist how the crap I got there I don't know, and the appointment went okay, getting there wasn't easy but the walk home was much more pleasant and after being stuck indoors on the floor AGAIN!!  was pleasantly enjoyable.

 

So everything that was freaking me out turned out to be more manageable then I expected with a LOT of self talk , some courage and a big kick up my own butt, and so far I'm functioning and getting through the day and am super grateful for that

 

Love to everyone new or established  here Nova xxx :smitten:

Hello Nova!

 

After I had been on klonopin 6+ years it really started to harm me. I was in tolerance wd and had no idea. I never knew all my problems could be explained my klonopin wd. Drs have no clue. I also had no idea how hard it would be to get off. I was only ever told I would have to wean off like I've done with antidepressants easily many times. I have tried every drug for depression and/or anxiety and none of them worked.

 

That is so awful that you went through all that! I'm glad you are on a low dose now. Thanks for all the advice. I agree that people need reassurance and to find the way that works best for them. Thank you for posting that link.

 

XO Maya

[[NY...]]

Hi all

 

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.  Have been on klonopin good fifteen plus years, twelve of them above 6mg! So, yes, I experienced hell tolerance withdrawal, and took me awhile to connect the dots, but when I did,  no turning back!!!!

 

Wondering if others in tol withdrawal have exp similar pattern to me, bc may impact my reduction rate as I finish my taper.  In the beginning, I felt crappy days 2-5 after cut, then things mellowed out, and I'd cut again day ten. When I hit 4mg, this rhythm started to change, and has been more pronounced the past four or five cuts.  Now, I feel good when I cut, but fall into waves of fatigue, depression, brain fog, yuck, days 6-10, then cut,  feel relief and repeat.  I am wondering now if perhaps brain is healing somewhat but responding to side effects of k, as it seems body/brain give me a big sigh and THANK YOU after each cut now. 

 

I understand for a long timer high doser my taper already seems a bit rapid, but bc of this pattern, have wondered about experimenting with 7 day holds versus ten, or even perhaps larger cuts as I near the end.  Maybe .125 reductions until jump time. 

 

Any similar experiences, thoughts?

 

In solidarity,

WR

[[pr...]]

Its taken me from 20/4/2015 at 4mg  to now to get down to 3.70ml but thats okay and I'm holding for as long as I need to until these sxs ease off enough and long enough for me to continue. And I am not going to rush it and jump off as much as I want this over steaming ahead and listening to every one else as to what's best for you because it's worked great for them is lethal. 

 

 

from the hell i've experienced with benzo's (mostly klonopin) since i was 15 years old and about 15 cold turkey's in my life and majorly kindling, i would say that pretty much the only right way to taper from benzo's and also psyche drugs is to dramatically listen to your own body and all it is telling you -- if you need to hold for a year, then hold. there isn't any rush when coming off this drug. it changes the brain too much. (for some people), my mother actully told me of a man who had been on klonopin for over a decade who didn't have any problems coming off it but i would say that is getting more rare than not these days.

 

i would hope that soon you can answer to someone who asks what our problem is" "oh i am in PAWS" and we should be getting a gasp of shock or dismay and sincere admiration for all we have gone through and for some of us still are going through. i am shocked and dismayed that the medical profession still thinks that all should be done and over with after 2 weeks of getting off this drug -- how can they not understand that a drug makes severe changes within the brain that takes some of us a long time ro reverse back to it's (hopefully) original state without too much alteration of the receptor.

 

it's not too much of a stretch to believe that the brain adapts and makes these changes that takes some time to reverse. i feel like some of us lack basic intelligence. just a skeletal of intelligence would be nice.

 

[[pr...]]

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.

 

 

congrats NYCWave,

 

i get jealous that i didn't do it this way sometimes. i still hurt so much.

 

 

Pretty,

It's so nice to meet you! Congrats on being benzo free for so long. My p/doc has no idea what he's talking about. He also thinks that once the klonopin is out of your system you are fine. He suggested I do a one week phenobarbital detox. Luckily, he lets me taper at my own pace. I definitely think it's hard when you have been on it so long. It is different for each person. I see short term and short dose users come off so quickly. Sometimes you will see some one who has been on it a shorter time have a more difficult time. Also being on it such a long time has greatly affected my life. I have been on it over a third of my life. I was put on it at 18. I think genetics and methylation have something to do with it. I also metabolize medicine it quickly. I don't know if that has an effect. I'm just trying to do a slower taper so life is bearable and my body has time to heal. I think that seems to be what's best.

 

 

Maya,

 

i was sent home from the detox with pheno. i couldn't stay on it because everything was making me so sick and i really didn't understand what was happening to me. i hadn't found BB yet -- 2 months later was when i found this forum so i stopped the pheno cold turkey as well as very large dose's of benzos and soma. do all you need to do to taper the way your body needs to. listen to your body and try to stay away from the benzo lies. you will learn what the benzo lies are in time or maybe you already know. anything that is over the top fearful and obsessive and not balanced perspective.

 

[[NY...]]

listen to your body and try to stay away from the benzo lies. you will learn what the benzo lies are in time or maybe you already know. anything that is over the top fearful and obsessive and not balanced perspective.

 

So sorry you are still hurting PD.  You must be healing, bc the advice you gave Maya is wonderfully insightful.  Oh the benzo lies!!!

 

I learned long ago in CBT that the first sign of healing was being able to recognize and catch ourselves when engaging in harmful or negative self talk, habits.  You are doing this, evident by your post, so healing in many ways it seems.

 

Take good care,

WR

[[Ma...]]

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.

 

 

congrats NYCWave,

 

i get jealous that i didn't do it this way sometimes. i still hurt so much.

 

 

Pretty,

It's so nice to meet you! Congrats on being benzo free for so long. My p/doc has no idea what he's talking about. He also thinks that once the klonopin is out of your system you are fine. He suggested I do a one week phenobarbital detox. Luckily, he lets me taper at my own pace. I definitely think it's hard when you have been on it so long. It is different for each person. I see short term and short dose users come off so quickly. Sometimes you will see some one who has been on it a shorter time have a more difficult time. Also being on it such a long time has greatly affected my life. I have been on it over a third of my life. I was put on it at 18. I think genetics and methylation have something to do with it. I also metabolize medicine it quickly. I don't know if that has an effect. I'm just trying to do a slower taper so life is bearable and my body has time to heal. I think that seems to be what's best.

 

 

Maya,

 

i was sent home from the detox with pheno. i couldn't stay on it because everything was making me so sick and i really didn't understand what was happening to me. i hadn't found BB yet -- 2 months later was when i found this forum so i stopped the pheno cold turkey as well as very large dose's of benzos and soma. do all you need to do to taper the way your body needs to. listen to your body and try to stay away from the benzo lies. you will learn what the benzo lies are in time or maybe you already know. anything that is over the top fearful and obsessive and not balanced perspective.

 

I would never detox. It just an example of how little my p/doc knows and he knows more than most of the others. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am learning you are completely right the only "right" way to taper is to listen to your body. I cut today and I am not having the best day. I understand that I need to go as slowly as I need to, but it is frustrating knowing I'll be tapering over a year. I just need to remind myself I have been on this drug 12 years and it will take time. I have never heard the term benzo lies. I get what you are referring to. I did a lot of DBT therapy. I try to use my wise mind as it is called in DBT. I can tell when I am being fearful, obsessive, irrational etc. Also I try to change negative thinking patterns etc. Its not always easy!

 

I hope a day comes when people react with admiration and compassion. I'm also shocked by the medical field. I was surprised when my p/doc told me last month that once the medicine is out of my system there is no chance that I will still be affected. I didn't even respond. I just got to him to get my rxs. He just lets me taper as I want. He would be fine if I didn't taper.

 

You certainly went through a lot! I thought they put me on it young. At least you finally are done with the poison. Thank you for your advice! It was very helpful! I hope you are having a good night!

 

XO Maya

[[pr...]]

listen to your body and try to stay away from the benzo lies. you will learn what the benzo lies are in time or maybe you already know. anything that is over the top fearful and obsessive and not balanced perspective.

 

So sorry you are still hurting PD.  You must be healing, bc the advice you gave Maya is wonderfully insightful.  Oh the benzo lies!!!

 

I learned long ago in CBT that the first sign of healing was being able to recognize and catch ourselves when engaging in harmful or negative self talk, habits.  You are doing this, evident by your post, so healing in many ways it seems.

 

Take good care,

WR

 

 

thank you WR! i needed to hear what you said tonight. very very hard day and night. even i couldn't get away from some of the benzo lies today. was getting really discouraged because of the head symptoms that are still happening when i think they should be done by now. i just can't believe it sometimes. i have to remind myself that the "withdrawal" is still happening and i am just not quite released from it yet. i pray and pray that it be done at some point. i do hope deeper healings are still happening when i have days like today.  but thank you! even i still need to be on here to get the good feedback from all of you even though i am probably further out than most on here.

 

 

Maya,

 

i know about being on this drug long term and trying to taper. i tried to taper for 9 year every single day and i just couldn't do it. if i had known about The Ashton Manual and this forum and all i know now about benzo withdrawal i may have done a nice slow taper but i always was doing these rapid tapers and then reinstating not knowing what "reinstating" was... i even tried to taper from The Ashton Manual not knowing really what Ashton Manual was and even that was too fast for me i guess or i just couldn't stick with it. so i had to do the next best thing even if it meant that my life was in the balance. i just wanted so deperately to get off the drug so i understand when you say your frustrated in that you maybe still tapering over a year. my mother took 2 years to taper from xanax by doing a cross over to valium and she was left with minimal symptoms and fully functional so keep that in mind. i am still not functional.

 

 

Pretty

[[no...]]

Hi all

 

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.  Have been on klonopin good fifteen plus years, twelve of them above 6mg! So, yes, I experienced hell tolerance withdrawal, and took me awhile to connect the dots, but when I did,  no turning back!!!!

 

Wondering if others in tol withdrawal have exp similar pattern to me, bc may impact my reduction rate as I finish my taper.  In the beginning, I felt crappy days 2-5 after cut, then things mellowed out, and I'd cut again day ten. When I hit 4mg, this rhythm started to change, and has been more pronounced the past four or five cuts.  Now, I feel good when I cut, but fall into waves of fatigue, depression, brain fog, yuck, days 6-10, then cut,  feel relief and repeat.  I am wondering now if perhaps brain is healing somewhat but responding to side effects of k, as it seems body/brain give me a big sigh and THANK YOU after each cut now. 

 

I understand for a long timer high doser my taper already seems a bit rapid, but bc of this pattern, have wondered about experimenting with 7 day holds versus ten, or even perhaps larger cuts as I near the end.  Maybe .125 reductions until jump time. 

 

Any similar experiences, thoughts?

 

In solidarity,

WR

 

Hi NYWR  I find waves and symptoms have and are getting worse and longer since I've got down to 4mg, I am hoping in time this will level out but for now I have to take it as it comes, it seems the lower I get the worse things are. But I have seen many on BB say the same thing and quite a few say once the hit 1mg they felt better, I have slowed my taper down as I was doing 1mg cuts at the start after being forcibly CT'd yet again ( I was taken CT off Ativan) from 20mg of Diazepam to 10mg . 

 

I also stayed at 6mg for 5 year's then last November dropped another 1mg then found BB and learned about slow tapering with smaller cuts then Micro tapering. I have also learned that even with Micro liquid tapering we may still need to hold for how ever long it takes until we feel able to take another cut no matter how small the next cut its still less benzo than before the cut. 

 

And don't stress over how long you hold for one cut can take up to 7 week's before you actually feel it this is why people go merrily cutting daily then feel like hell and think its the very last cut thats the problem? It may have been the one week's ago and the others caused a  domino effect. I would hold two weeks or longer if I were in  your position to see if its easier for you, I myself plan to do this right now with this hold even a few week's if I have too. 

 

I had to do that when I first cut 00.1ml, it took 3 or 4 week's before I felt able to do another cut and I was fine for a few cuts of 00.1ml then had to hold again, this seems to be my set pattern for now and my sxs are getting worse especially sensitivity to noise, smell, touch burning pain is always present brain squeezes anxiety and dpr comes and goes along with other sxs. 

 

But I am able to function enough just about , to look after myself although pain etc continues and to me that's the whole point, its being able to be able even with sxs not laid flat out or symptom free but of course no sx would be a gift but I'm just keeping it  as real as I possibly can, its just the way it is for now. I am also going to take smaller cuts again if I have to I did go down to 00.05, but still got hit again after a few cuts.

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

[[no...]]

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.

 

 

congrats NYCWave,

 

i get jealous that i didn't do it this way sometimes. i still hurt so much.

 

 

Pretty,

It's so nice to meet you! Congrats on being benzo free for so long. My p/doc has no idea what he's talking about. He also thinks that once the klonopin is out of your system you are fine. He suggested I do a one week phenobarbital detox. Luckily, he lets me taper at my own pace. I definitely think it's hard when you have been on it so long. It is different for each person. I see short term and short dose users come off so quickly. Sometimes you will see some one who has been on it a shorter time have a more difficult time. Also being on it such a long time has greatly affected my life. I have been on it over a third of my life. I was put on it at 18. I think genetics and methylation have something to do with it. I also metabolize medicine it quickly. I don't know if that has an effect. I'm just trying to do a slower taper so life is bearable and my body has time to heal. I think that seems to be what's best.

 

 

Maya,

 

i was sent home from the detox with pheno. i couldn't stay on it because everything was making me so sick and i really didn't understand what was happening to me. i hadn't found BB yet -- 2 months later was when i found this forum so i stopped the pheno cold turkey as well as very large dose's of benzos and soma. do all you need to do to taper the way your body needs to. listen to your body and try to stay away from the benzo lies. you will learn what the benzo lies are in time or maybe you already know. anything that is over the top fearful and obsessive and not balanced perspective.

 

I would never detox. It just an example of how little my p/doc knows and he knows more than most of the others. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I am learning you are completely right the only "right" way to taper is to listen to your body. I cut today and I am not having the best day. I understand that I need to go as slowly as I need to, but it is frustrating knowing I'll be tapering over a year. I just need to remind myself I have been on this drug 12 years and it will take time. I have never heard the term benzo lies. I get what you are referring to. I did a lot of DBT therapy. I try to use my wise mind as it is called in DBT. I can tell when I am being fearful, obsessive, irrational etc. Also I try to change negative thinking patterns etc. Its not always easy!

 

I hope a day comes when people react with admiration and compassion. I'm also shocked by the medical field. I was surprised when my p/doc told me last month that once the medicine is out of my system there is no chance that I will still be affected. I didn't even respond. I just got to him to get my rxs. He just lets me taper as I want. He would be fine if I didn't taper.

 

You certainly went through a lot! I thought they put me on it young. At least you finally are done with the poison. Thank you for your advice! It was very helpful! I hope you are having a good night!

 

XO Maya

 

 

 

Hi Maya  here is an excellent thread about Benzos lies that Pretty mentioned, its what the chemical control on our brains by the Benzos  and withdrawal have us believing when our thoughts and perception is messed up right now. There's lots of them and they can chop and change all the time, its a great thread and helpful when your head's all over the place and your not sure what is or isn't real or right anymore  which is a classic and one of the worse WD symptoms Benzo Lies That Have Been Busted http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=87594.0.

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[no...]]

Hi BB friends. I have missed you all. I have been very sick with both sinus and bronchitis infection. I am in withdrawal Hell on top of it. On antibiotic. I have had a fever anywhere from 99.5 to 100.8 for a month which won't go away. Not only should the doctor have ordered a Ct of my sinuses but she should lengthen the 10 day course of my Doxycycline. She did a lung fray and bloodwork but that's it. She actually had her assistant call me to tell me she thinks my thermometer must be wrong. But I had a fever in her office!!! And I have 2 thermometers. They're not wrong.  I am very upset. If I call her again they will think I am neurotic and I will lose her. I AM incredibly neurotic. Worse now because I sm in so much severe terror and sx from the Valium taper. I am in Hell all over again. Very scared I will die. I cannot calm down at all. I am completely bedridden. Was supposed to go with stepson and hubby to a Father's Day restaurant meal tonight.  Couldn't go. I need you guys I am TRULY inconsolable like the little girl who just list her mom that I was at eleven. I cannot calm down. My biggest fear is not only the fever that recurs daily but that I am freezing on 90 degree days.One time I had something like this and my tooth was infected.  Doctors couldn't figure it out then either.  I got hooked on oxycodone then. Now it could be another tooth that is tender.  I cannot take opiates if another tooth has to try to be saved. I may have to get it pulled like my other MAIN tooth was on the other side. And my upper airways sound like the possessed girl wheezing in the exorcist.  I would be grateful for your help.  Inconsolable.

Mozart

 

 

Hi Mim  I hope your recovering okay 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

[[NY...]]

Hi all

 

I am now at 1.80mg, down from 8.  Have been on klonopin good fifteen plus years, twelve of them above 6mg! So, yes, I experienced hell tolerance withdrawal, and took me awhile to connect the dots, but when I did,  no turning back!!!!

 

Wondering if others in tol withdrawal have exp similar pattern to me, bc may impact my reduction rate as I finish my taper.  In the beginning, I felt crappy days 2-5 after cut, then things mellowed out, and I'd cut again day ten. When I hit 4mg, this rhythm started to change, and has been more pronounced the past four or five cuts.  Now, I feel good when I cut, but fall into waves of fatigue, depression, brain fog, yuck, days 6-10, then cut,  feel relief and repeat.  I am wondering now if perhaps brain is healing somewhat but responding to side effects of k, as it seems body/brain give me a big sigh and THANK YOU after each cut now. 

 

I understand for a long timer high doser my taper already seems a bit rapid, but bc of this pattern, have wondered about experimenting with 7 day holds versus ten, or even perhaps larger cuts as I near the end.  Maybe .125 reductions until jump time. 

 

Any similar experiences, thoughts?

 

In solidarity,

WR

 

Hi NYWR  I find waves and symptoms have and are getting worse and longer since I've got down to 4mg, I am hoping in time this will level out but for now I have to take it as it comes, it seems the lower I get the worse things are. But I have seen many on BB say the same thing and quite a few say once the hit 1mg they felt better, I have slowed my taper down as I was doing 1mg cuts at the start after being forcibly CT'd yet again ( I was taken CT off Ativan) from 20mg of Diazepam to 10mg . 

 

I also stayed at 6mg for 5 year's then last November dropped another 1mg then found BB and learned about slow tapering with smaller cuts then Micro tapering. I have also learned that even with Micro liquid tapering we may still need to hold for how ever long it takes until we feel able to take another cut no matter how small the next cut its still less benzo than before the cut. 

 

And don't stress over how long you hold for one cut can take up to 7 week's before you actually feel it this is why people go merrily cutting daily then feel like hell and think its the very last cut thats the problem? It may have been the one week's ago and the others caused a  domino effect. I would hold two weeks or longer if I were in  your position to see if its easier for you, I myself plan to do this right now with this hold even a few week's if I have too. 

 

I had to do that when I first cut 00.1ml, it took 3 or 4 week's before I felt able to do another cut and I was fine for a few cuts of 00.1ml then had to hold again, this seems to be my set pattern for now and my sxs are getting worse especially sensitivity to noise, smell, touch burning pain is always present brain squeezes anxiety and dpr comes and goes along with other sxs. 

 

But I am able to function enough just about , to look after myself although pain etc continues and to me that's the whole point, its being able to be able even with sxs not laid flat out or symptom free but of course no sx would be a gift but I'm just keeping it  as real as I possibly can, its just the way it is for now. I am also going to take smaller cuts again if I have to I did go down to 00.05, but still got hit again after a few cuts.

 

Love Nova xxx :smitten:

 

Thank you, Nova!  It seems like you are making great progress!  It is so hard to "listen to body" bc symtoms are never terrible really, I just don't want to jump and have hard time.  Am over-thinking again, so will stick to my plan, continue with cut/hold until .5, then try micro with hopes for a really gentle cns landing.  If it doesn't work, go back to tried and trusted cut/hold.  Take good care Nova.  Big hugs, WR

[[ca...]]

Hi BB friends. I have missed you all. I have been very sick with both sinus and bronchitis infection. I am in withdrawal Hell on top of it. On antibiotic. I have had a fever anywhere from 99.5 to 100.8 for a month which won't go away. Not only should the doctor have ordered a Ct of my sinuses but she should lengthen the 10 day course of my Doxycycline. She did a lung fray and bloodwork but that's it. She actually had her assistant call me to tell me she thinks my thermometer must be wrong. But I had a fever in her office!!! And I have 2 thermometers. They're not wrong.  I am very upset. If I call her again they will think I am neurotic and I will lose her. I AM incredibly neurotic. Worse now because I sm in so much severe terror and sx from the Valium taper. I am in Hell all over again. Very scared I will die. I cannot calm down at all. I am completely bedridden. Was supposed to go with stepson and hubby to a Father's Day restaurant meal tonight.  Couldn't go. I need you guys I am TRULY inconsolable like the little girl who just list her mom that I was at eleven. I cannot calm down. My biggest fear is not only the fever that recurs daily but that I am freezing on 90 degree days.One time I had something like this and my tooth was infected.  Doctors couldn't figure it out then either.  I got hooked on oxycodone then. Now it could be another tooth that is tender.  I cannot take opiates if another tooth has to try to be saved. I may have to get it pulled like my other MAIN tooth was on the other side. And my upper airways sound like the possessed girl wheezing in the exorcist.  I would be grateful for your help.  Inconsolable.

Mozart

 

 

Hi Mim  I hope your recovering okay 

 

 

Love Nova xxx  :smitten:

Nova, i guess i should chime in here also i have been on 4 mg of K for over 20 years and even did a partial C/O to valium and down to about .4 mgs ok k but taking 45 mgs of valium a day i swear the valium is not doing alot or is it? Doing micro cutting now at .001 grams a day cuts off the k and today after 7 days of cuts am i wired out feel like i had 50 cups of coffee so yes for me the lower cuts are crazy hard ! Feel better ~CD

[Guest [Ke...]]

Seems I belong to this group! Just a quick reassuring post from me to all those who've been on benzos for many years. It does end it really does. I had 40 years of Temazepam and other Benzos and cold turkeyed when in bad tolerance over 32 months ago. I started to improve around month 28 and am now pretty much recovered. I know this may seem a long, protracted recovery for many but I did cold turkey in my ignorance and would never advise anyone to do this. Slow and steady wins the race and it's wonderful to be free after so long. 👍

[[pr...]]

so glad to hear that you are almost recovered beth. i sure don't feel like that and i am 4 months ahead of you. but hopefully that's because of the bad wave i was in last night and pretty much all week after having a reasonably good partial window last month around July 7th for those few days. my partial windows only seem to last a few days though. hoping for longer and soon. i was even telling my dad last month that i felt close to healed and then last night it sure didn't feel like that at all. true non linear trend.

 

i noticed that the "benzo lies' really come about strong when i am in a "healing" massive wave. once that lifts it's back to almost normal in my thinking balanced and easy perspective. it's such a night and day difference for me it's unbelievable! it really really seems true when i am in the thick of it in waves like that. coming out of waves like that i can see how much healing is really going on that i can never see while in it.

 

and yes that "lag" time with the benzo's even when micro tapering can be really tricking like Nova mentions. i couldn't believe it myself when i was trying to taper.

[[MT...]]

Thanks for the encouraging words KernowBeth. So often this feels like an incredibly long battle. Still, I have to acknowledge that I'm much better than I was even 6 weeks ago so progress is happening. I'm thankful to hear anything from those who've been long termers. It seems our recovery process is more often similar. Keep healing everyone!