~~The Bedridden Club~~

[[La...]]

Thank you Stitch and Dianne. I’m touched by your posts. All I know is God is my all in all. I can’t handle this so I gave it to him. That’s how I’m the way I am. It’s definitely not me. He gets all the credit. So to me everyday is Father’s Day. 

 

Today I’m 2 years. Wooooohoooo! I’m looking forward to seeing the rest of my healing take place. I know I’ll cry like a baby the day I get up get dressed grab my keys and drive off to enjoy my whole day! What a dream!!! But it isn’t one that won’t come true….it will. I believe that! I’m much better than I was months ago. Even a year ago. I’m not where I’d hope but I’m improving therefore to show my gratitude I refuse to let this take everything from me. I couldn’t keep my balance, my health, my marriage, connection to the outside world, etc but damn it I had to keep my positivity to survive. It wasn’t easy. I fought for it. I prayed. I know it was God! We have to fight swords draw 24/7. Be our own advocate because nobody understands this unless they’ve gone through it. That’s why us supporting each other is important. I can’t wait to see us all become healed and celebrate together. Don’t be dismayed, we feel like crap but we are on our way. 

Caterpillars turning into butterflies 🦋 That takes time.

Love you ❤️🤗👍🏼

[[Di...]]

Ladyden this was beautiful.  God is the only one who can heal us from this injury.  I try to leave it all at his feet but I have such a hard time doing that.  I need to pray for more faith.

Love you too ❤

[[Th...]]

Happy two years, Lady Den!

[[La...]]

Dianne leaving it at his feet is the easy part…..going to retrieve it back is what we have to keep working on. So I understand what you mean. You will get there. Believe it! God has NEVER lost a battle. 

 

Thank you, dear Stitch. You are a very strong person and I appreciate your friendship. I SEE you! Stand your ground with all your might. You got this. 

 

My thoughts are with Zman. I’m very concerned about him. Any of you heard from him?

[[Di...]]

Thank you Ladyden.  You are right! 

I'm concerned about Zman too haven't heard anything. 😕

[[Th...]]

Thank you Lady Den. I feels good to be seen!

 

I am also worried about Zman, I keep thinking about him and feel stupid that I have no way to contact him.

He hasn't logged in for a while. I'm not sure if sending a pm would help if he is not logged in.

[[Be...]]

When zman does log in then he can see if he has any messages. 

[[Th...]]

Your right Becks, I guess it couldn't hurt.

[[La...]]

Yes hopefully he will check his messages.

Enjoy your day everyone. 🙏❤️

[[La...]]

Hello all bedridden undies! Nobody has posted here in a long time. So I decided to just give an encouragement to those who are just stopping by. Being in bed to me has been the most humbling experience. I would be lying if I said that it hasn’t been eye opening as well as extremely disheartening. A two edge sword indeed. When we have to lay down day after day the walls seem to close in on us. As time ticks by our family and friends gradually pull away because they don’t know what to do or what to think and definitely don’t know how to help. So we find ourselves feeling trapped and discarded/ abandoned. That in itself generates very strong thoughts and feelings of negativity… feeling like a burden, hopeless, thought of permanency, unloved, etc. I want to say, fight those thoughts! If you knew when a robber was going to break in your house, would you just sit there and let him do it? NO! You would do everything you could to prepare so that the robber will get a nice lovely unwelcoming. Well, I think this is the same. Those doom gloomy thoughts are lies. You ARE loved, thought about, not a burden, etc! All of us buddies love and support each other. In some cases, we are all we have. So, I’m grateful for the support, prayers and well wishes from everyone here. Tomorrow I will be 25 months. Wow what a long debilitating journey this has been for me. But compared to last year….I’m happy to report I’m able to walk around, do chores, cook, take a bath, wash my hair, paint my toes, sit up long enough to watch a movie with my family, do crafts or play a game and now trying to master car rides so I can return to bible class. No longer need a caregiver. No longer on a walker. I’m still having waves and windows patterns that I can basically predict now but they’re milder than even months ago. And that includes my rougher waves…they’re milder too and don’t last as long. All I can do is THANK GOD! My heart goes out to all of us struggling especially bedridden as well. This is by far the hardest thing we’ve all probably had to endure. Sadly, some don’t make it through. My heart breaks for them! They won’t be forgotten.

Zman, we all love you and pray that wherever you are that you are in peace! We miss you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🙏

[[Th...]]

LadyDen is right. This is a place to share our fears and thoughts here without worrying if we are a burden. I want to say that the people here mean so much to me. Our circumstances don't change the fact that we ARE worth it.

Zman, I wish you were here. You brought so much to us. May you feel peace and contentment.

[[La...]]

🕊Tribute to Zman🕊

 

Like a comet blazing across the evening sky

Gone too soon

Like a rainbow fading in the twinkling of an eye

Gone too soon

 

Shiny and sparkling

And splendidly bright

Here one day

Gone one night

 

Like the loss of sunlight on a cloudy afternoon

Gone too soon

Like a castle built upon a sandy beach

Gone too soon

 

Like a perfect flower that is just beyon your reach

Gone too soon

Like a sunset dying with rising of the moon

Gone too soon

 

Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight

Our Zman was here one day and sadly gone one night

Gone too soon…….

 

🕊🙏 Rest In Peace, Zman. We love you! 🕊🙏

[[ho...]]

Hi my BB friends.  I am so sorry, once again I disappeared on all of you and all I can do is apologize.  I just am having problems staying connected, and it is in my real life too  :'(.

 

I am so sad to see the tribute to ZMan.  How very sad :'(.  With that said, my children and partner know to contact BB if anything were to happen to me too.  We do grow to care about one another on here….so again, that is why I am sorry, that I just keep disconnected…..there is something wrong with me, and I am trying to work through it.

 

I am happy to see the Lady, you are making more improvements and what you wrote to Z was beautiful.

 

Sorry for those who are still struggling so much….. I am in between.  A lot of couch time, but I can also get up and accomplish stuff.  I am just very unmotivated, and very disconnected, but not unhappy.  My doctor does not believe I am “depressed” in the classic sense, and nor do I.  It is most likely do solely to the medication and weaning, so a sx. 

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Marie I’m always happy to see you posts. I miss you very much. I see you’re still struggling too. That is ok. I am too. We just need more time, my dear. If you ever need a listening ear then I’m here for you. Please continue to believe in your healing. Because that’s what we’re doing. Healing daily! 

 

Zman is very much missed! I think of him very often. I’m still grieving over him and dealing with the anger centered around the medical malpractice that caused his demise. I pray his family are coping well with his loss. I’ll never forget him! When I’m well I’ll plant a tree or bush in his honor. 🙏

 

Continue to push yourself a bit to walk around when you can. Self love. Self care. Stay away from stress as much as possible. Don’t over do it. Stay hydrated and eat clean variety of foods. Time is our best friend in this. Time.

Big hugs and love to you, Marie ❤️🤗🌹

[[ho...]]

Hi Lady-

 

Thank you for your kind words and your constant encouragement 

 

I’m so glad you are improving and you are here for everyone.  You are definitely always a shining bright light!

 

Do you know what happened to ZMan? You mentioned the doctors/medical community…..where the negligent in his care?  My heart goes out to his family too and to our community as well.  So very sad  :'(

 

I do need to be eating better, I have let that slip.  I am changing things again.  I have added back in some supplements and those should be helping soon too.  I do drink lots of water   I also need to get back to my walks.  It has been so hot here, and by the night time, I am so tired, and mornings are the worst for me (usually I am such a morning person).  My son has been walking the dogs at night.  Hopefully it cools down soon. 

 

Thank you again….

 

Marie

[[La...]]

Marie,

Unfortunately Zman’s doctors kept switching his medications very close together. Taking him off then give him something else then after a very short time put him back on the first ones and cut off the others. So basically they had him in WD on top of WD on top of CT’s of more than one medication. It was so bad that he couldn’t get stabilized. He couldn’t take the extreme internal torture anymore. He couldn’t stand his family watching his horror. He committed suicide.  :'(

 

That is great that you are doing all you can to assist your body in healing. Depending on the supplements that you’re taking, please be very careful with those. Supplements have caused trouble in the benzo community for many. Some can handle them in moderation and some can’t at all. I just read an article in the headline news not long ago warning people to be careful taking supplements because there’s a rise of serious complications from people taking too much. Supplements are designed to get someone’s levels back to normal range then they’re to be stopped. Also people are taking too high of a dose daily. There is a such thing as too much of a good thing. For example, if someone drinks too much water they could die because it will wash out the necessary salts from your body. So supplements should be used at the lowest dose and levels need to be monitored especially in the elderly or kids to avoid dangerous accumulation in the liver because they metabolize slower.  Sorry I went off on a tangent but I felt like I needed to tell you to be careful. Last thing I’ll say about that is there are certain supplements that are not benzo wd friendly. If you were feeling pretty decent then started taking supplements and now feeling rougher….if I were you I’d look ease off them unless your levels are extremely low as advised by your doctor.

I understand about the walking. I have the same problem. Mornings are usually too bad to walk. That’s when I wish I could do it the most because morning sunlight helps with nighttime sleeping. During the day it’s way too hot. And as you said late evening I start a wave. So I squeeze mine in when I can. I do a lot of my walking indoors. Getting up every hour or so to take a few laps. Doing that all day adds up. Perhaps you can try that. I’m fortunate to also have a long breezeway outside my front door. It’s always shaded and cooler. It’s really nice especially when it’s pouring down raining. It allows me to still go outside. I wish I had a walking partner so I could walk further.

Wishing you a lovely weekend. Hugs and love ❤️

[[Ha...]]

Oh how I wish I could be your walking partner LD. Bit far to travel though!

 

So very tired today, in bed mostly. I’m on antibiotics for sinus infection so blaming them.

 

Will be 45 years married next year. 50 years together. One of us deserves a medal!

Love to all xx

[[La...]]

Hardy I wish you could too. Sorry you’re feeling unwell. I pray the antibiotics don’t cause you any more grief. Please rest rest rest. 🙏🙏🙏🌹❤️

And both of you deserve a medal being married that long. How wonderful!

 

[[Fi...]]

Hello,

 

I don't know how active the group still is but I belong here now.

 

I am bedbound due to a severe setback from unavoidable surgery and anesthesia. I was healing at 17 months and now am in what feels like cold turkey. I barely function and can't even distract myself yet because I'm so sick.

 

I hope there are still people here supporting each other.

 

Final healing

[[Th...]]

Ive been there. Literally unable to distract. Also from a setback. It was so hard. I'm doing much better in some ways (mental pain and physical pain) and worse in a few others (mainly gut health) But the mental and physical pain is very hard at the beginning. The most I could do was lie there, force feeding, and and posting on this site when I could. I'm so sorry, setbacks are horrendous.

 

I should mention, I had an intense fear. Even people looking at me in my own bed could set me off, but I was also scared of being alone. I know how insane these symptoms can get.

[[Fi...]]

Thank you for posting

 

I'm glad you are feeling better, that gives me some hop even though I don't really feel hope these days.

 

If the mental symptoms would lift, I know I could make it but so far, they haven't. I've had to start taking Trazadone for sleep after being med free. I've been very  fragile and after trying all the natural sleep stuff I could, I finally had to make that choice. It gives me some sleep but also keeps my central nervous system calm during the day.

 

I have some radiation treatments starting this week. There are supposed to me quick and only target one area. However, I have medication induced agoraphobia so it will be a challenge.

 

Anyway, I appreciate you posting and that you are feeling better. I'm pretty depressed because of the impact of the setback and have lots of fear. 

 

Your post was encouraging.

 

[[La...]]

Hello Final. Welcome to this thread. I was sad to read that you’re going through radiation treatment as well as a setback at the same time. From your posts you’re having a hard phase understandably so. I hope that all goes well with your treatment. Healing is a process no matter what the illness is. But I’ve heard it often said that this is the hardest one. I definitely agree! I’m not completely bedridden all day as I’ve been for 2 years or more. Now I’m at the point that I can walk around pretty much whenever I want/ need to without a walker or needing help from someone. I’m so very grateful for this improvement because I live alone. I’m sure you’re very upset by your setback. Each time I have one, I’m the same as you. It makes us think we won’t ever heal or the healing that was done is gone. Neither of those are true! Some things that helped me while in bed is having something to occupy my time that I enjoy. Playing games online, reading, watching movies, YouTube funny videos or visiting parts of the world ( museums, zoos, landmarks, etc), watching a series or old game shows that you can participate such as jeopardy, wheel of fortune, match game, millionaire etc. Many times I pretend I’m a contestant or pick one that I want to win. Old sitcoms are also good to distract and pass the time. In other words I try to make it as fun as possible since I have to be in bed anyway. You know the old saying, if you can’t beat it then join it? Anyway, I hope this can help you find a way to plan your bed prison days until you’re better. Sending you a big hug and happy healing wishes. 🤗

It WILL get better in time. Believe it and you’ll see it. 

[[Fi...]]

Thank you for your post and again its good to hear that you are improving.

 

The mental symptoms are very bad. Its hard for me to watch anything and because I have anhedonia, I can't feel joy or pleasure. Watching things is very hard right now. I have watched old game shows but had to stop. I will try doing more distracting things again.

 

I'm so glad you said we heal. I use to know that having had 17 months of healing and recovery. Now it's hard for me to remember. 

 

I'm glad this group is somewhat active.

 

PS I'm sorry I'm so down in my posts but I need to share my truth somewhere.

 

 

[[La...]]

Final don’t be sorry for speaking your truth. We all do the same. It is where you are…nothing wrong with that. But I’ll say do try to remember how it was when you felt better. It will help you. I’ve kept a journal while going through this. I don’t keep it up as much as a year ago but it’s good to look back and see my healing. To remember the better days. They will circle around again. We know how this goes. Oh I forgot to suggest that you do something that involves your hands. Like building something, knitting, crocheting, jigsaw puzzles etc. You don’t need joy to do those 

[[Th...]]

You also got anhedonia from your set back? I'm sorry, that is my most disliked symptom. When I could break through the pain or the med induced fear/hopelessness the anhedonia was always there. I couldn't care less about the people in movies. Books, my go to, wasn't working either. My hobbies were pointless. All I could do was to sit and read the forums for what felt like forever. (anhedonia makes everything feel longer and more debilitating) The first thing I could do was play a phone game. I slowly was able to distract with more things.