FAMILY MEMBER/PARTNERS SUPPORT THREAD

[[er...]]

hey, ghazel. welcome!

 

my situation is a bit different- a 20 year marriage, kids, my husband the very main breadwinner...my focus has been  security and innocence for my kids, while my hub heals.  i have tried sympathy, tough love, listening, ignoring, everything, and i have learned this- in moments of clarity, the "accidental addict" has to decide he wants to quit, he wants to heal, he will have a good attitude.  other than that, it is all up and down and crazy.  my advice for when your bf is off the wall is to make sure he is reasonably comfortable and safe, and then live your life- go to work, run errands, out with friends.  i think the caregiver must do this for his/her own sanity.  i admit, my advice is not always popular on this site.  but i just received professional support for my way of thinking.    we have found a truly awesome obsessive thinking therapist who is helping my hub.    and he told me that there is no reason i have to listen to the ranting and raving of the addict- that it is my right to ignore my hub at these times- to ignore the phone calls, to leave the toxic setting...

 

anyway, not sure how helpful i have been but maybe a little?  but i see all the regulars are not on the site and i wanted to be sure to offer you support.  you are not alone. we on this site are ll or have been there.

 

hang in, all the best

 

 

-erin

[[...]]

hello...mr linn here....looking for advice as usual.....linn is at 6mgV/day right now....we have been out of our house for 8 months because of a flood.....now back in and the house is like brand new....plumbing, electrical, heat.....sheet rock.....all new paint floor to ceiling....point is,  it means nothing to us....linn is still having a bad time.....head aches are the worst then feet and leg pain....goes back and forth.....i try to listen, but these drugs have many side effects including intrusive thoughts.....thinking something else is wrong, like fibromyalgia , ect......linn was told by her therapist last week to go down faster, so she went down 1mg to 5/day......it was not good....she was ok the first day. then it went down hill......i would like to try some other form of taper, but linn is too scared to do the milk again....we did liquid tittration with milk to get her down from 3mg X/day to 0mg X+25mg V/day......that took  from August to April of last year.....then we started to dry cut 2mgV every 2 weeks or so from then until she got down to 10mgV/day......then we cut 1`mg every 2weeks or so, but had to hold quite often because of the flood....now it is still rough on her, but there are days when she is better and days of pure hell as well....i know that Valium is different than Xanax because it builds up in the tissues and takes long to metabolize and leave the body..... she wishes that she would have never switched to Valium and just tapered off the Xanax, but all of the research that i did on these drugs told me that crossing over to Valium would be the best route......i dont know if it would have been better to just taper off the Xanax, but that is water under the bridge.....she was suffering and we had to do something now, and cram as much info into our little brains as we could, finding most of it on the internet.....BB of course.....others as well.....but very little help from friends and family....Doctors as well..most of them wanted her to go to detox.......every one here said DO NOT GO TO DETOX...they will make it worse....so we stayed way from that......the system is whako when it comes to benzo addiction......not one doc in Iowa is benzo wise.........the addiction specialist we went to was a derelict because that person wanted linn to drop insanely fast......im venting right now because this is something that effects many people around the world and not much is being done about it.....i never see it on the news.....lots of people don't even know about the side effects while they are on them and think that it is something else causing their grief .....so they get put on other drugs as well....blah blah blah.....im just looking for answers and its like fighting smoke.....you can punch it all you want, and it just moves with the air......this is very frustrating........is there a way to liquid titrate the Valium with water...or should we just keep dry cutting and can you get V in smaller doses than 2mg tabs?.......also, when you jump, does it take long to finally  get free from the sxs?......me full of questions......mr linn

[[Mr...]]

hello...mr linn here....looking for advice as usual.....linn is at 6mgV/day right now....we have been out of our house for 8 months because of a flood.....now back in and the house is like brand new....plumbing, electrical, heat.....sheet rock.....all new paint floor to ceiling....point is,  it means nothing to us....linn is still having a bad time.....head aches are the worst then feet and leg pain....goes back and forth.....i try to listen, but these drugs have many side effects including intrusive thoughts.....thinking something else is wrong, like fibromyalgia , ect......linn was told by her therapist last week to go down faster, so she went down 1mg to 5/day......it was not good....she was ok the first day. then it went down hill......i would like to try some other form of taper, but linn is too scared to do the milk again....we did liquid tittration with milk to get her down from 3mg X/day to 0mg X+25mg V/day......that took  from August to April of last year.....then we started to dry cut 2mgV every 2 weeks or so from then until she got down to 10mgV/day......then we cut 1`mg every 2weeks or so, but had to hold quite often because of the flood....now it is still rough on her, but there are days when she is better and days of pure hell as well....i know that Valium is different than Xanax because it builds up in the tissues and takes long to metabolize and leave the body..... she wishes that she would have never switched to Valium and just tapered off the Xanax, but all of the research that i did on these drugs told me that crossing over to Valium would be the best route......i dont know if it would have been better to just taper off the Xanax, but that is water under the bridge.....she was suffering and we had to do something now, and cram as much info into our little brains as we could, finding most of it on the internet.....BB of course.....others as well.....but very little help from friends and family....Doctors as well..most of them wanted her to go to detox.......every one here said DO NOT GO TO DETOX...they will make it worse....so we stayed way from that......the system is whako when it comes to benzo addiction......not one doc in Iowa is benzo wise.........the addiction specialist we went to was a derelict because that person wanted linn to drop insanely fast......im venting right now because this is something that effects many people around the world and not much is being done about it.....i never see it on the news.....lots of people don't even know about the side effects while they are on them and think that it is something else causing their grief .....so they get put on other drugs as well....blah blah blah.....im just looking for answers and its like fighting smoke.....you can punch it all you want, and it just moves with the air......this is very frustrating........is there a way to liquid titrate the Valium with water...or should we just keep dry cutting and can you get V in smaller doses than 2mg tabs?.......also, when you jump, does it take long to finally  get free from the sxs?......me full of questions......mr linn

 

Hello Mr. Linn,

I don't want to add to the chaos you are in but my Mom could not do crossover to valium and went back to titrating lorazepam (lor). She felt like your Mrs. Linn - worse then before on JUST lor. But she was still taking both at the time we decided to quit the valium option and tapered Her off directly from lor.

Maybe others on this forum would give theirs opinion about going back to Xanax form Mrs. Linn?

I would do that f I were on your place, of course, you are in charge of your decision bUT it is not water under the bridge yet, I think.

THere is also no benzowise doctor where my Mom lives.

This whole story is exhausting for all involved but it WILL get better as we know from others.

So, maybe, consider my advice - maybe others will ad theirs and that would help you to do it the best for Mrs. L. Sorry you have to do all these decisions and house moving back and forth and flood - by yourself. Poor Mrs.Linn, it must be very disturbing for her. She will setlle down now, being at home.

In the meantime maybe we (you) can improve the way of getting Her off benzos. Many BB reported they could not do valum  because of it was even worse than originally prescribed benzo. I hope your situation settles soon so you can get some rest. Mrubar

 

[[Gh...]]

Hey erin,

 

Thank you so much for replying..

 

He actually decided to quit xanax himself , he wants it out of his system. I helped him with researching and coming up with a schedule that'll get him off of it, ( he told his dr about it and the dr approved ). I just wanted to know what to expect when it comes to the symptoms. is there an ideal way to deal with it?

 

Was your husband on any supplements while tapering ? ( some recommended Omega 3 ) i'm just trying to find as much options as possible to make this process easier on him.

[[pr...]]

I'm a recent joiner to the support thread.  I support my son thru this long and difficult journey.  He was 2 yrs interdose w/d and now 39 months benzo free and 33 months SSRI free.  It has been a extremely difficult journey for him as well as myself.  My health has suffered greatly due to the stress and  being in my 70's but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I do alternative medicine to try and keep myself together and pass on things from that that my son would consider to help himself; tho one of his continuing symptoms is medical trauma and great fear over his body.  It's very hard to talk with him about anything, even tho alternative, that might be of help to him.  I find myself having to choose the right time to introduce anything new.  If not he will go into a meltdown and misinterpret what I say as a threat to himself.  He is unable to work, but has recently been able to attend some job counciling and working on math problems to help his brain adjust.  My heart is broken seeing him struggle and the condition he is in.  He is a good looking young man of 32 with no job  prospects, no girlfriend or any friends for that matter.  He does have his Dad and I which he has said that if it weren't for us he wouldn't be here.  Things that have helped to keep him going are  out into nature, movies, a little bit of travel, he comes to my place to cook and is now a decent cook and prides himself in that.  He lives in his own apartment supported by his parents but it has allowed him to take care of himself and his apartment-a little bit of self-sufficiency.  We are both very afraid of what he will be left with mentally when this is over and if he will be able to support himself.  His Dad and I worry, because we are older parents and he is an only child who will be here for him.  I hope and pray this  will all work out and he will be fine.  Maybe some of the ideas that I've used will be of help to others in supporting someone going thru this experience.

[[Mr...]]

Hello All,

 

My boyfriend suffers from GAD and was prescribed xanax.  He's been taking xanax for the past 4 and a half years. His dose was .5mg ( whenever he felt any anxiety ) , soon enough his dose winded up to be 5mg throughout the whole day ( 10 pills of .5 spread throughout the day ). He managed to go back to a dose of 1mg a day ( .5 when he wakes up and .5 before he goes to bed ) this has been his dose for the past 6 months.

 

He has his ups and downs, now he really wants to stop taking Xanax. I try to keep him as positive as possible , but negative thoughts keep creeping in ( i truly understand its one of the side effects of the drug ) .. I'm trying to get him to eat , sleep and drink plenty of water. His sleeping patterns are off the chart, xanax would help him sleep sometimes , but some days it won't do anything and just gives him nightmares.

 

He is going to start tapering off soon and i just want to be ready for any symptom he might have.

 

He has different symptoms such as :

1. Hallucination that lasts a couple of seconds ( only happened yesterday after he was reading about the different symptoms he might experience throughout the withdrawal period , and what scared him the most is the chance of having a seizure )

2. Trouble breathing

3. Dizziness

4. A burning sensation that rises from his stomach to his chest

5. Muscle Jerks

6. Headaches

7. Fear of the Unknown

 

He's had many more before, but those are the ones hes been having recently

 

What can i do to support him? How can i ease out his symptoms ? What Worked for the loved ones ?

 

I am really worried about him, and would do everything it takes to ease this process for him

 

I Appreciate all the help i can get 

 

Hi Ghazel

welcome on family support thread! You sound very compassionate for your boyfriend so I think you may choose to deal with his problems from this position.

Some people need more support for themselves during family member withdrawal, some less. Definitely you should take care of yourself enough so you can help him to be assured he is loved, he will be better and that you will be with him through this nightmare (if this is what you decided).

I did not need any professional support for myself during this but my brother did.

We are just all different.

 

I treat this as a disease which will pass and feel sorry for my Mom going through the same what you described. She had some hallucinations on the beginning of taper too but they faded away 2 years ago.

It is your choice to give him your warmth and safety provided on at least emotional side or cut yourself from it and just wait for his healing on a side, supporting yourself to have strength whenever you will have to be confronted with the situation.

Either way you will help him, it is just a matter of the level of compassion you can invest into this situation.

 

Be for him, tell him that everything will be better but it DOES need a long time, try to "direct" his thinking away from worrying and sadness.

Sometimes there is really nothing you can do, sometimes he NEEDS to be left alone - you should back up and use the time to take care of your own needs.

HE will bounce back to life and will be good and healthy like before.

It takes a VERY long time. What worked most for my Mom who withdrew from lorazepam last August after 2 years taper - was to support Her in times when feeling of loneliness and "fear of unknown"were ruling Her emotions.

Just be close to him and swallow hard the not nice part of his behaviour. If you can give him compassion and keep your needs humble but without loosing of your own dignity and sanity - that is the best balance for the benzo-victim and supporter (in my opinion).

It is hard to give you "recipe" of good support very detailed. You know how much you can give, how much love and compassion you are able to express and what kind of love you hold inside for him.  All these factors will lead you through withdrawal.

I put my Mom's needs above everyone in my family now, including my 5-years old son. I teach him to  help his grandma when she feels bad and his innocent responses very often help her to balance Her behaviour (he would ask " why do you say such a not nice things to mami" and it "wakes my Mom up a little but, enough to stop). For him it is a good way to learn that fun and play is not everything we encounter in life and I see his perspective for others deepened significantly since it all started.

So there are different ways to support your loved one and only you know what and how much you can give and if you put his or your needs on the first place during this. I think the measure of your love will tell you what to do for him and for you during this. Hang on and think rationally about it. It WILL PASS. I already see it improving for my Mom, Mrubar

 

[[Mr...]]

Hey erin,

 

Thank you so much for replying..

 

He actually decided to quit xanax himself , he wants it out of his system. I helped him with researching and coming up with a schedule that'll get him off of it, ( he told his dr about it and the dr approved ). I just wanted to know what to expect when it comes to the symptoms. is there an ideal way to deal with it?

 

Was your husband on any supplements while tapering ? ( some recommended Omega 3 ) i'm just trying to find as much options as possible to make this process easier on him.

 

Ghasel, there are different opinions about supplements, my Mom is taking some all the time. For Her the best is natural antidepressant (which She won't have to taper long like those prescribed by MDs)-arctic root, the best is the original Swedish, fish oil and vinpocetine.

When She had hallucunations I was giving her 1x 500mg acetyl-l-carnitine the next day morning and they were kept away for few weeks before the next ones (without it they would be present every day) or 1 at the morning, 1 at noon alpha lipoic acid for 3 days.

You sould search for supplements to support liver and brain. For my Mom also bone marrow was affected and She is on B12 shots for last 2 years but you can read more on supplements thread and see that others et theirs symptoms revved up from supplements.

What to expect?

well, I would say my life is on hold since it started, first I was terrified by all these, still it is very depressing and heartbreaking to me. BUt I see it will go away, it DID go away already to great extent.

If you can test your love and survive the wd - I think your love is strong and pure.

Honestly many other BB got dumped by even spouses or significant others during this. My Mom's friends all dissapeared. THe withdrawing person sometimes is insane and this is heartbreaking for someone who loves them. But in fact it is ONLY the drugs side effect and when you think like this - you will survive. The best is 1 day at a time. Just be prepared it may take 18 months after he is done with tapering.

It is showing how wonderful and compassionate you are that you want to help him. He is VERY VERY lucky to have you. Does he have a family living close? You may need to ask them for help sometimes, when you are too tired... Hang on and have hope in recovery, Mrubar

[[Mr...]]

I'm a recent joiner to the support thread.  I support my son thru this long and difficult journey.  He was 2 yrs interdose w/d and now 39 months benzo free and 33 months SSRI free.  It has been a extremely difficult journey for him as well as myself.  My health has suffered greatly due to the stress and  being in my 70's but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I do alternative medicine to try and keep myself together and pass on things from that that my son would consider to help himself; tho one of his continuing symptoms is medical trauma and great fear over his body.  It's very hard to talk with him about anything, even tho alternative, that might be of help to him.  I find myself having to choose the right time to introduce anything new.  If not he will go into a meltdown and misinterpret what I say as a threat to himself.  He is unable to work, but has recently been able to attend some job counciling and working on math problems to help his brain adjust.  My heart is broken seeing him struggle and the condition he is in.  He is a good looking young man of 32 with no job  prospects, no girlfriend or any friends for that matter.  He does have his Dad and I which he has said that if it weren't for us he wouldn't be here.  Things that have helped to keep him going are  out into nature, movies, a little bit of travel, he comes to my place to cook and is now a decent cook and prides himself in that.  He lives in his own apartment supported by his parents but it has allowed him to take care of himself and his apartment-a little bit of self-sufficiency.  We are both very afraid of what he will be left with mentally when this is over and if he will be able to support himself.  His Dad and I worry, because we are older parents and he is an only child who will be here for him.  I hope and pray this  will all work out and he will be fine.  Maybe some of the ideas that I've used will be of help to others in supporting someone going thru this experience.

 

Dear Prettykitty,

Your post made me crying. I am on the other side, supporting my elderly Mom who withdrew from lorazepam last August.  Like you son said - it rang in my ears a similar echo - if it wasn't for my Mom....

You sound so loving and kind of like my Mom always was for me and my brother. I often think if I were in Her position - SHE WOULD do the same or more for me. I am doing everything to help Her and do have hope in Her recovery. I have nothing else but hope. I think that helps Her to have some hope sometimes either...

You have it too. Many people here (BB) suffers retracted wd syndrome and are unable to take care of themselves for years.

I am sure you will help him as long as you can and that it keeps him wanting to recover.

Hang on to good thoughts and hopes. Life is unpredictable - in bad but also in good things which come to us.

He still may recover and be able to live his life happier. My prayers and thought will be with you every day now. I also believe there is a deep sense in suffering although it destroys our peace, happiness etc. But brings us closer to true love which is not easy and is the highest value in life. You three have the love which will endure everything and I admire and highly respect you for that. Mrubar

 

[[Gh...]]

Hey erin,

 

Thank you so much for replying..

 

He actually decided to quit xanax himself , he wants it out of his system. I helped him with researching and coming up with a schedule that'll get him off of it, ( he told his dr about it and the dr approved ). I just wanted to know what to expect when it comes to the symptoms. is there an ideal way to deal with it?

 

Was your husband on any supplements while tapering ? ( some recommended Omega 3 ) i'm just trying to find as much options as possible to make this process easier on him.

 

Ghasel, there are different opinions about supplements, my Mom is taking some all the time. For Her the best is natural antidepressant (which She won't have to taper long like those prescribed by MDs)-arctic root, the best is the original Swedish, fish oil and vinpocetine.

When She had hallucunations I was giving her 1x 500mg acetyl-l-carnitine the next day morning and they were kept away for few weeks before the next ones (without it they would be present every day) or 1 at the morning, 1 at noon alpha lipoic acid for 3 days.

You sould search for supplements to support liver and brain. For my Mom also bone marrow was affected and She is on B12 shots for last 2 years but you can read more on supplements thread and see that others et theirs symptoms revved up from supplements.

What to expect?

well, I would say my life is on hold since it started, first I was terrified by all these, still it is very depressing and heartbreaking to me. BUt I see it will go away, it DID go away already to great extent.

If you can test your love and survive the wd - I think your love is strong and pure.

Honestly many other BB got dumped by even spouses or significant others during this. My Mom's friends all dissapeared. THe withdrawing person sometimes is insane and this is heartbreaking for someone who loves them. But in fact it is ONLY the drugs side effect and when you think like this - you will survive. The best is 1 day at a time. Just be prepared it may take 18 months after he is done with tapering.

It is showing how wonderful and compassionate you are that you want to help him. He is VERY VERY lucky to have you. Does he have a family living close? You may need to ask them for help sometimes, when you are too tired... Hang on and have hope in recovery, Mrubar

 

Hey Mrubar,

 

Thank you soo much for the support , I honestly don't care how long it takes.

 

I'm willing to be by his side till he finally tapers off of it and is finally happy again, i know how much i can handle and honestly it seems unlimited to me, i know the side effects of benzo make ppl say things they don't mean thats why i let such things pass and never speak of them again. ( i know he feels bad about it , but its never his fault and i just don't want to add more things for him to think off). I wouldn't be doing everything i possibly can if i knew he wasn't worth it all. He does have family living close by and they are all very supportive.

 

His dr wants to put him on luvox ( ssri ) and he refuses to take it, and after reading what everyone is saying about them i completely agree with them. Do you have any thoughts about anti depressants ?

 

I really hope your mom is feeling better

[[Ca...]]

My husband was my caregiver and I never said anything mean or nasty to him.

Through the worst hell, I would cry etc. but I never directed any anger towards my husband .

 

Erin. I agree with your therapist on this one.

 

I do have a hard time fathoming a loved one treating their family with disrespect no matter how traumatic the ordeal.

I can tell you that mine has been no picnic.

Over 2 years off and trying very hard to be useful and function in our business.

 

Love Carol

[[Mr...]]

Hey erin,

 

Thank you so much for replying..

 

He actually decided to quit xanax himself , he wants it out of his system. I helped him with researching and coming up with a schedule that'll get him off of it, ( he told his dr about it and the dr approved ). I just wanted to know what to expect when it comes to the symptoms. is there an ideal way to deal with it?

 

Was your husband on any supplements while tapering ? ( some recommended Omega 3 ) i'm just trying to find as much options as possible to make this process easier on him.

 

Ghasel, there are different opinions about supplements, my Mom is taking some all the time. For Her the best is natural antidepressant (which She won't have to taper long like those prescribed by MDs)-arctic root, the best is the original Swedish, fish oil and vinpocetine.

When She had hallucunations I was giving her 1x 500mg acetyl-l-carnitine the next day morning and they were kept away for few weeks before the next ones (without it they would be present every day) or 1 at the morning, 1 at noon alpha lipoic acid for 3 days.

You sould search for supplements to support liver and brain. For my Mom also bone marrow was affected and She is on B12 shots for last 2 years but you can read more on supplements thread and see that others et theirs symptoms revved up from supplements.

What to expect?

well, I would say my life is on hold since it started, first I was terrified by all these, still it is very depressing and heartbreaking to me. BUt I see it will go away, it DID go away already to great extent.

If you can test your love and survive the wd - I think your love is strong and pure.

Honestly many other BB got dumped by even spouses or significant others during this. My Mom's friends all dissapeared. THe withdrawing person sometimes is insane and this is heartbreaking for someone who loves them. But in fact it is ONLY the drugs side effect and when you think like this - you will survive. The best is 1 day at a time. Just be prepared it may take 18 months after he is done with tapering.

It is showing how wonderful and compassionate you are that you want to help him. He is VERY VERY lucky to have you. Does he have a family living close? You may need to ask them for help sometimes, when you are too tired... Hang on and have hope in recovery, Mrubar

 

Hey Mrubar,

 

Thank you soo much for the support , I honestly don't care how long it takes.

 

I'm willing to be by his side till he finally tapers off of it and is finally happy again, i know how much i can handle and honestly it seems unlimited to me, i know the side effects of benzo make ppl say things they don't mean thats why i let such things pass and never speak of them again. ( i know he feels bad about it , but its never his fault and i just don't want to add more things for him to think off). I wouldn't be doing everything i possibly can if i knew he wasn't worth it all. He does have family living close by and they are all very supportive.

 

His dr wants to put him on luvox ( ssri ) and he refuses to take it, and after reading what everyone is saying about them i completely agree with them. Do you have any thoughts about anti depressants ?

 

I really hope your mom is feeling better

 

Hi Ghaze, I wrote to you another post - which you originally sent to Erin. I hope that is ok. My Mom takes an arctic root, which is proven scientifically to have strong antidepressant activity (check in pubmed.gov)

It significantly helps Her with depression and very much clarifies HEr thinking.

She takes maximum dose of it, using the Swedish Herbal Institute brand but I think you can try any and see if it helps. During taper She was taking just a half of the highest dose, soon after She tapered off, Her only sister died unexpetedly so She has the other reason to need it. I like the way the arctic root works so I would recommend it for your boyfriend to give it a try for 1-2 month and see if it helps.

And it will not be addictive like the prescription drugs, that is what science says...

It sounds like you have an unlimited amount of love and compassion. It will ALL be needed. But he will be free and happy again, just wait with him for that. Mrubar

 

[[Br...]]

He is going to start tapering off soon and i just want to be ready for any symptom he might have.

 

He has different symptoms such as :

1. Hallucination that lasts a couple of seconds ( only happened yesterday after he was reading about the different symptoms he might experience throughout the withdrawal period , and what scared him the most is the chance of having a seizure )

2. Trouble breathing

3. Dizziness

4. A burning sensation that rises from his stomach to his chest

5. Muscle Jerks

6. Headaches

7. Fear of the Unknown

 

He's had many more before, but those are the ones hes been having recently

 

What can i do to support him? How can i ease out his symptoms ? What Worked for the loved ones ?

 

Hello Ghazel.  It''s really very good that you are willing to help your boyfriend.  Well done.

 

Your bf reduced a lot from his previous dose of 5mg so it may be possible for him to reduce faster than the average person here.  On the other hand, you say he has GAD and that may mean his GAD will re-emerge if he is not taking any medication to help.

 

Benzos are effective at helping people with anxiety and insomnia.  However once people have developed dependency on the benzo (in other words they suffer withdrawal symptoms when they try to come off them) the benzos can make the orginal anxiety or insomnia worse.  In other words people can become more anxious and sleep less well despite taking benzos.  I wonder if some of your bf's original GAD may actually be benzo-induced anxiety - it may depend of whether or not he was taking benzos before the GAD emerged.

 

If he is experiencing those symptoms then it's possible he may have reduced his Xanax to a level which is lower than he needs to be comfortable.  Don't rush the withdrawal because his body and nerves need time to heal and you will not shorten that time by cutting down his meds very fast.  If you reduce too fast then some of his healing (and withdrawal symptoms) will take place after he has stopped the Xanax.

 

Different people react differently to supplements.  What works for one person can cause problems for others.  There's no harm in trying some but there isn't much that truly helps.

 

Try and reduce his level of anxiety.  I found my anxiety rose to sheer terror and would remain like that for hours and even days.  Compensating by drinking alcohol is not a good idea because it acts like a benzo.

 

You may find this ebook useful.  I liked it a lot.  http://www.thebenzobook.com/benzo/pdfs/the-benzo-book10.pdf

 

Best wishes.

 

[[er...]]

hey ghazel, and all,

 

my hub quit benzos 3 times and i couldn't even tell you the details at this point.  he is off since june and is focusing on teh biggest fallout- worsened obsessive thinking.    he decided to take an AD a couple of months ago but at this point neither he nor i think it is doing anything at all.  we hope that with a few good months behind him he will begin to taper that.  maybe if he'd  taken them while tapering and not after...who knows. ADs do seem to work for some, but everyone is different.

 

you sound so supportive and so loving, i pray it all does not turn on you.  there was a lot of talk here about teh "addicts" becoming mean and disrespectful- my husband became/becomes  both of those, completely against his personality. you might have to be super strong and i wish you all the best.

 

'later

 

-erin

[[Gh...]]

Hey Braban / Erin

 

He lowered his dose pretty fast and the consequences were very strong on him. But for the past 6 months he's been on the 1mg dose and he does have good and bad days , windows and waves you might say.

 

He took AD depressants before and he's tried almost all of them , it always leaded to him being sick to his stomach and isn't able to do anything at all.

 

Now about being mean and rude , i came up with the fact that i should keep on ignoring him when he's in that state , because i understand the way he feels and who he really is and i know that all this temper , reaction its not him , its the benzos that make him act and talk this way.

 

I would handle anything and everything he;s going through the hardest time , my main concern is him tapering off once and for all and get his old happy self back.

 

Thank you all , i appreciate the help.

[[cl...]]

Hello all, it has been months since I have posted. I have thought of you all often and intended to post sooner. But, here I am many months later without a post.

 

My wife is doing better. She was diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features. We spent five weeks in a psych unit and underwent 2 rounds of medication before receiving ECT treatments. The ECT treatments made all the difference in the world.

 

She is being tapered off of her benzos. She started at 4 mg of Ativan daily. She is now down to 12 mg of Valium. The pdoc is following the Ashton protocol to complete my wife's taper. She seems to be handling he it very well. She may be one of the lucky ones as thus far her taper has caused her few problems.

 

My wife will continue with ECT maintenance. While it has made a dramatic difference and enabled her to return home, she is not yet back to work. I suspect her return to work is month away.

 

We are thankful for the care she has received. We have also suffered as a addiction treatment center misdiagnosed my wife with Ativan addiction and missed her major depression as she slid into psychosis. But that is behind us now and she is on the mend.

 

The mind is complex. Medications can complicate matters. Inadequate or incompetent healthcare can take you down the wrong track. Finding a competent pdoc that knows benzos and can diagnose mental health issues is invaluable.

 

Thanks to all of you who have helped those who are suffering. In the mindset of your trials you are able to provide support to to those whose shoes you have walked in. It is your presence that provides hope and strength for so many and gives purpose to your suffering. God bless you all.

 

[[Mr...]]

Hello all, it has been months since I have posted. I have thought if you all often and intended to post sooner. But, here I am many months later without a post.

 

My wife is doing better. She was diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features. We spent five weeks in a psych unit and underwent 2 rounds of medication before receiving ECT treatments. The ECT treatments made all the difference in the world.

 

She is being tapered off of her benzos. She started at 4 mg of Ativan daily. She is now down to 12 mg of Valium. The pdoc is following the Ashton protocol to complete my wife's taper. She seems to be handling he it very well. She may be one of the lucky ones as thus far her taper has caused her few problems.

 

My wife will continue with ECT maintenance. While it has made a dramatic difference and enabled her to return home, she is not yet back to work. I suspect her return to work is month away.

 

We are thankful for the care she has received. We have also suffered as a addiction treatment center misdiagnosed my wife with Ativan addiction and missed her major depression as she slid into psychosis. But that is behind us now and she is on the mend.

 

The mind is complex. Medications can complicate matters. Inadequate or incompetent healthcare can take you down the wrong track. Finding a competent pdoc that knows benzos and can diagnose mental health issues is invaluable.

 

Thanks to all of you who have helped those who are suffering. In the mindset of your trials you are able to provide support to to those whose shoes you have walked in. It is your presence that provides hope and strength for so many and gives purpose to your suffering. God bless you all.

 

Dear Clawspeak!

WELCOME BACK!

It is so nice to hear about your wife improving and that the doctor helped her so much.

I think without this doctor there is only way to improve - the BBs way. But even in here we read about people who benefit from additional drugs (mainly antidepressants) during recovery. I read recently that ECT treatments are much more effective and having much less side effects for qualifying patients than pharmacology. Like" putting together broken" hand they can speed up healing from psychiatric problems.

I am glad that seems be the case for your wife.

I was often thinking about you and asked other BBs if they heard anything from you. I was praying that everything goes well for both of you.

THANK YOU very much for such a good news. Have a wonderful recovery at home and post to us from time to time.

Mrubar

[[Mr...]]

Hi Everyone,

I feel extremely down today. It has been 15 days of wave for my Mom, so far the longest one. Her closest ex-Friend, one of two which I explained about benzo wd  - doesn't visit Her more than once per month and gossips to everyone that my Mom says weird and mean things and keeps calling her few times per day, forgetting that SHe called already. There were times when this friend was the one calling or coming to our house more than once per day. Now she is so "superior" to my Mom in her attitude, commenting hurtfully to others around.

For me it doesn't matter that she betrayed my Mom when She is in need, but why does she have to comment about it around?

It is only hurtful to our family.

This and previous months were so far the worst. Even the quality of the "ok" day went down.

2 windows so far. Still have 9 days more to the end of Her 6th month but it is so hard to imagine that they will be better.

My Mom is deeply in DR. Thick cog fog. Short temper and wrong judgement about things.

I read on postwd board of BBs that people feel bad still in this time frame. I rationally want to survive this and believe in better ending, but it is so hard to feel it. I miss my Mom. It is 4th year since all this nightmare started and progressed quickly to the stage t is now in.

Is She going to make it and live sometime happily yet?

If it is the end of Her life why does She have to go through it?

Where is SHe going with Her recovery - backwards?

We were for last 2 days trapped at home here in NC because of snow and watched old "Sound of music". I heard again this magnificent song "Climb every mountain" which made my tears pouring down with consolation. This is my dream, that She returns yet.

But so far all my climbing is in vein. I hope that everyone is doing better and that is why you did not post so long. Have a restful weekend, Mrubar

[[...]]

hello murbar from the linns....hope your mother gets better soon..this is a tough journey for sure....only hope for a good spring with better weather...that always helps......get more sun for vitamin D and such.....please hang in there....these benzos can only affect someone so much and then they are no longer in the body....the nerves take long to up regulate as we all know too well...it will  be slow but progress can be noted....let us know if any small things appear to give you some hope.....the linns

[[Mr...]]

hello murbar from the linns....hope your mother gets better soon..this is a tough journey for sure....only hope for a good spring with better weather...that always helps......get more sun for vitamin D and such.....please hang in there....these benzos can only affect someone so much and then they are no longer in the body....the nerves take long to up regulate as we all know too well...it will  be slow but progress can be noted....let us know if any small things appear to give you some hope.....the linns

 

Dear Linns,

Thank you for your caring response.

It has been lately so hard because all I see are the worst symptoms ever present - when I talk to my Mom. After few hours from talking I can distant myself enough to notice that it wasn't all that bad like 2 years ago. That She does improve in less striking areas like She eats better healthier, She does Her groceries by Herself and can remember some simple request which I ask for (like "call me after you have done this and that in few hours" - before She would not remember it).

Talking to Her also I see more contact, although She is overly negative about everything which is very hard for me to listen to, since it takes my energy away.... Maybe also good is that She has some times when She is calmer, which almost never happened in last 2 years. It was a constant ride on the highest level emotions.

Also new is the fact that She feels limitation for Her understanding/ associating things which before She was unaware of. She is frustrated with those and does NOT want to accept that it is caused by a benzo. That is another problem. She feels SO BAD that She is talking about dying soon, feeling horrible BECAUSE She is living alone and She HATES it etc. Rational talking doesn't work. Explaining that it all comes from drug doesn't work (She claims She quitted few years ago and took it for a year or so). Today She was offended that I said it is all from the drug wd...

Maybe I should not explain to Her all that but I am afraid when She feels really bad and doesn't know why - She will go to the doctor and they will check Her blood work and decide She is just stressed so "lets' try a IV benzo" like they did MANY times before.

Anyway, I felt so much hopeful in December - all the most annoying symptoms disappeared for 3 weeks and now they are ALL back with more intensity than before. Maybe this time in December is a sign of hard work in Her brain... I just need to distract myself more, I guess, which is hard in my situation.

Thank you for posting to  me, I appreciate it a lot! Are you enjoying every day of being back in your OWN place? It must be hard to be "homeless" for so long. You were very brave and I am happy for you now. Take good care of you and enjoy it!  Have a wonderful Sunday back in your home. Mrubar

 

 

[[er...]]

hi, mrubar.

 

sorry to hear you and yr mom are having such a hard time. for us, it's up and down.    my hub realized the AD he decided to take is doing not a thing, and will soon begin a taper off of that.  he decided to take, he decided to stop.  my point is, i think, with our  addicts/victims/choose the noun-  ultimately, they make their decisions and we support.  we can't MAKE them do anything.  your mom will do what she feels is right and you will react to that and support her.

 

 

i am focusing on becoming an activist, fighting the source- big drug companies and the dumb doctors who get into bed with them.  the guy i love to listen to is denmark's dr peter gotzsche. he confirms everything i have suspected for a while now.  signing petitions, speaking out, researching... it helps with my anger, makes me feel if i can make even a small difference somewhere, it will be good.

 

sending love,

 

erin

[[Mr...]]

hi, mrubar.

 

sorry to hear you and yr mom are having such a hard time. for us, it's up and down.    my hub realized the AD he decided to take is doing not a thing, and will soon begin a taper off of that.  he decided to take, he decided to stop.  my point is, i think, with our  addicts/victims/choose the noun-  ultimately, they make their decisions and we support.  we can't MAKE them do anything.  your mom will do what she feels is right and you will react to that and support her.

 

 

i am focusing on becoming an activist, fighting the source- big drug companies and the dumb doctors who get into bed with them.  the guy i love to listen to is denmark's dr peter gotzsche. he confirms everything i have suspected for a while now.  signing petitions, speaking out, researching... it helps with my anger, makes me feel if i can make even a small difference somewhere, it will be good.

 

sending love,

 

erin

 

Hi Erin,

today, finally, my Mom had a window day. What's a relief for everyone.

I Was thinking about your description of your husband getting mad with things when my Mom was doing it. She never uses a bad language, but She is pretty intelligent and can say mean things with proper wording very stubbing. I was thinking about you, how you must feel if he does it more often. So far fortunately this doesn't happen often with my Mom. It is SO MUCH not Her!

I am glad you found a way to express/feel/release your anger about the drugs.

It used to be my job - searching for a toxic side effects of different drugs. I never researched psychiatric drugs though. The whole idea for me that my Mom maybe is having some weird drugs came from my job, otherwise I would NEVER EVER figure that out, so I admire people smarter than me who did that by their own.

I am happy to hear about your husband decision about tapering AD. I think he is 100% right, it doesn't do much for many people. My Mom got drugged by doctors when it all started with 12 drugs - each was suppose to modulate the side effects of others. I tapered many of them right away (I arrived 2 weeks after She was started on this cocktail, but still my brother is tapering nootropil (piracetam) which suppose to work in opposite direction than lorazepam. Doctor's thinking was that if lorazepam started to work too strong then piracetam will enhance what lorazepam is quenching. They both bind to teh same receptors... So now without lorazepam my Mom gets "boosts" of emotions from piracetam, which is hard to wd, because every reduction causes increased BP. Of course, the receptors are being less active after each reduction and have to balance themselves with time.

She was put originally on 2x 1200mg daily, now She is down to  2x400mg daily and hopefully soon will be off.

I think this messes up Her healing and known side effect from piracetam is agressiveness (wonderful SMART doctors!!!!)

Anyway, when I worked as toxicologist and presented the data on conferences I was ATTACKED by pharma reps and completely ignored by MDs. We kind of omitted the subject in political meetings, doctors felt humiliated that THEY were not the ones who knew about drugs, pharma reps  were afraid they won't sell anymore and it was never welcomed. I also remember MANY doctors which I talked to when this started with my Mom ignored prof. Ashton manual completely. They were saying with superior voice that benzos are WONDERFUL drugs and that if lorazepam stopped working for my Mom She should switch to alprazolam (xanax).

I have read about the "revolutionary" medical scientist which you have mentioned but I also know first hand about a corruption and our profession and how politics took over ethics and quality and where Truth is no longer important more than keeping a job.

Maybe that is one of the reasons why I did ot come back to my profession yet. I am carefully choosing new places to apply, and believe me - many announcements are repelling for me. I know my job's world and exactly know who I am and where I will work. I did work with highly ethical and honest scientists, also with MDs, who want to work in this profession and in US they are allowed to get scientific positions without appropriate education. That is where from we get the placebo effect statistics and misunderstanding of results.

Instead of trying to help patients they want to make careers in smarter field and the ill educational system in US let them take those positions for the further disaster in science...

Well, thank you for your warm words. I am not cynical about the science situation yet but I am also thinking about switching to public health domain and start legal fight with benzo situation in the world by formal education of doctors.

Time will show, personally I don't have high hopes that those MDs will learn anything. Most think they are Gods already.

Keep fighting, Erin, and THANK you for your post. It was so nice to think about something else than SYMPTOMS for few minutes... Mrubar

 

 

 

[[...]]

Here's a helpful article for those looking for practical ways to support.

 

 

7 Things You Shouldn't Say To Someone With Anxiety

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4781182

[[Pa...]]

Here's a helpful article for those looking for practical ways to support.

 

 

7 Things You Shouldn't Say To Someone With Anxiety

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4781182

 

I like them all, the caution of course is in #6 where it mentions the answer is not in taking a drink but in Drs. and prescribed meds. 

[[er...]]

i caught that too.  listen to your dr?  wrong, wrong.    do lots of research, use your brain, and listen to yourself!

[[er...]]

mrubar- that is great of you to second guess your profession because of new knowledge and experience.  if only the medical professionals would do that- and admit they are dead wrong.

 

as always, thanks for the support.    if i direct more of my anger at drs/big pharm, i might direct less at my husband...

 

be strong

 

erin