FAMILY MEMBER/PARTNERS SUPPORT THREAD

[[pa...]]

ty, mr.p.    my hub is already  horrified by his at times behavior.    I appreciate what you wrote.  I am not burning anything-  all my actions have the same goal of keeping my family intact.    with the kids and the secrecy and the unknown  I am nervous and, frankly, terrified, every single second of every single day.  thnks for understanding I am only trying to make things manageable.

 

hang in there, everybody  (talking to myself, too)

 

 

erin

 

We, all of us, so understand "your nervous and frankly, terrified, every single second of every day".  It is so very difficult, the stress for one and all going through this, as this is what it creates.  All of us, we have only our own experiences that we have shared, to share with you, and have given you the best information in how to approach and go through all of this, to help give you some strength from us to you to help you.

 

Know, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily, and they truly are. 

[[er...]]

I am a spiritual person and believe strongly in the power of prayer.    I don't know if I ever told you, bw, that the psalm you quote on the bottom of your post is one of my favorites.  and so appropriate here.    when you first wrote to me, and I saw it, it was a great sign for me, and a great source of comfort. ty for all your help.  so, patty, and all, it means so, so much when you say you think of my family and pray for us. ty, ty, ty.

 

thanks for the link, pardner.  I read much of it but then had to stop.    I believe everything that is happening in the minds and bodies of all the poor "accidental addicts".    I think the difference between me and many others here is, because of my exact situation, my approach is- what is best for the family?    most others' approach is- what is best for the benzo  victim?  and that is why I seem to be stirring up some (unintentional) conflict on this site.

 

on a positive note, we've had two decent days in a row- no small thing.

 

love to all,

 

erin

[[...]]

Erin,

 

We can only tell our stories and give you more real life info for you to base your decisions on. Because right now this little thread is all we have (there's a few caregivers on fb too but that's it as far as I know) and I seem to be the only one with a bunch of kids who has gotten through it successfully with a happy family, so I feel obligated to share with you. 

 

I was angry with my hub at first also because I am the non-medical one in the family and I was also angry that he didn't research it first. But, as soon as I realized how serious it was and it became "real" that we risked losing him, my focus changed and my (and the kids') goal became to save our provider, best friend, etc. ...our lives revolve around him, he's the life of the party.

 

At first, I ran into lots of "addiction" terms, here on the forum it was prevalent back then, and even with the alternative practitioners we consulted. That was one of our hurdles at the beginning, to find a way to explain to others what had happened. He only took the stinkin drug for about 4 weeks before trying unsuccessfully to stop so I wouldn't call that "addiction" in the sense most people think of that term. He never once craved the drug, never once wanted more after he was off it. So, anyway, the first thing to help me and the iids was to get rid of any "addiction" terms and teachings; they don't apply with benzos. They are not helpful and make things worse.

 

I read on BB where someone had talked to a neurologist friend off the record, who said it was really more like temporary, reversible brain damage and it took around 2 years to reverse. We started telling people that instead of he was "addicted" and it changed things significantly. It changed how I saw him, it changed how the iids saw him, and we all got way more compassion from people than before.

 

So, to sum it all up, my approach was always what's best for my family. The thing is, what's best for my family is that #1, their dad is alive...#2, my kids learn what sacrificial love looks like in my living out my marriage vows...#3, that we all use this as a learning experience in true health and how the body works (my kids will never blindly trust a medical professional ever again, they eat healthily on their own, etc.) ...and finally #4, that we grow stronger & closer as a family through overcoming adversity together committing to one another through thick & thin, no matter what, treating each other the way we would want to be treated, serving one another in love.

 

I have to say that even though it was the most wretched experience of my life, I can now boast of all those benefits. My family is closer than ever. Our kids are both wise and loving. My hub is more than amazing. I just read a note he wrote to the kids about me (I don't think I was supposed to see it.) and it was more than a reward to see him expressing such deep love for me to his kids. So I'm happy we made the choices we did, even though it was so very painful for a long time. We, at least, had hope for ultimate healing and that's what got us through. True hope from those that went before us and, even more so, from answered prayets, answered specifically & timely so many times.

 

Can your hub get on the forum for support and info? You said that he's taking a sleep-aid and most of them work on gaba receptors like benzos; is he aware of that? I'd hate to see him prolong the misery simply by lack of knowledge. Hopefully, he can get on here and ask questions or research online. I usually google "name of drug/supplement and GABA receptors"  or "name of drug/supp & HPA axis" to find the real research. You probably already know there are many things they need to stay away from during w/d to allow the return to homeostasis to occur. My hub never could get online so I had to do it for him, but he was computer illiterate to begin with.

 

Thank God for 2 decent days! It will be up & down, non-linear, but there will be many more to come. My hub had a month long window in his wd, pretty sure that's what made it possible, the windows. They just didn't come often enough for my taste.

 

I won't be around much after this. I have to focus on my own family & holidays, but will be praying for little miracles and peace that passes understanding for you & precious fam. 

[[er...]]

bw, you are wonderful to care so much and share your knowledge to help my family.

 

first of all, my hub found this site years ago and was active in it then and i'm certain it helped greatly with his initial taper.  I found the site through him.  because he is taking other drugs now I think he is staying off- he has decided to not just get through it straight and clean but to be smarter about the "fire" (drugs) he is using to fight the other "fire"  (benzos and the whole long journey).  I think he is concentrating on that and does not have much to say right now.  he is  questioning and researching and testing all he is taking but thanks for the additional advice.

 

I am so thrilled for you that you have made it to the other side, family intact.    too early to tell how our story will end.  of course, every family has its own variables and situations, but I am taking the advice I can.  ty for feeling the kinship because of the kids and reaching out to me.    I reread the posts as needed.    I wish you the beautiful, peaceful holiday celebrations you have certainly earned.

 

thnks again

 

erin

[[Pa...]]

For my wife it has now been 50 months since she last took a benzo.  She tapered off the .5mg she was on for just over a year.  I know I have felt lost in the past on this.  At this far out all I can do is keep telling her she will get better everyone recovers.  The success stories this far out are few and far between.  I know she has lost hope.

 

I try to keep my activities manageable but even with that her seeing me have a social life really depresses her.  What suggestions do you have to provide some hope for her as the slow horrible process continues? 

 

Thanks for any input

 

Pardner

[[Mr...]]

I am a spiritual person and believe strongly in the power of prayer.    I don't know if I ever told you, bw, that the psalm you quote on the bottom of your post is one of my favorites.  and so appropriate here.    when you first wrote to me, and I saw it, it was a great sign for me, and a great source of comfort. ty for all your help.  so, patty, and all, it means so, so much when you say you think of my family and pray for us. ty, ty, ty.

 

thanks for the link, pardner.  I read much of it but then had to stop.    I believe everything that is happening in the minds and bodies of all the poor "accidental addicts".    I think the difference between me and many others here is, because of my exact situation, my approach is- what is best for the family?    most others' approach is- what is best for the benzo  victim?  and that is why I seem to be stirring up some (unintentional) conflict on this site.

 

on a positive note, we've had two decent days in a row- no small thing.

 

love to all,

 

erin

 

Dear Erin,

I was thinking for some time about the choice you just described in your post: what is the best for family or the best the benzo-victim. Although I am my Mom's supporter not my husband's and I have only one son - I was thinking and discussing it with my brother who takes care of my Mom when I am abroad. It is not an easy choice to make and surely is up to the individual conscience. For last three years we are living in the benzo nightmare and no medical professional suggested that benzos can cause it. Reading for some time about the symptoms of several conditions which they can be related to I found a statement that BEFORE diagnosing anyone with a mental problem requires to withdraw him from every psychotropic drug and wait after the withdrawal is ended.

I asked for detox for my Mom's but every single doctor I asked - refused, simply stating that this would be life threatening with Her heart condition and the age.

So I did it alone with prof. Ashton manual and after I started - I found BB website which provided me with all the tools to get it through.

During 2 years of decreasing my Mom's dose from 0.5mg of lorazepam I had to make MANY decisions, sometimes few per day what HAD TO be done to provide continuous love in our family AFTER the wd ends.

Today I had to make another one:

I am 2 weeks sick with some nasty flu, on Sunday started antibiotic for the bacterial complications in my ear and eye. I feel truly miserable and did not leave the house almost for these 2 weeks.

This morning my son, usually VERY healthy and active woke up and instead of running all over the house, waking us and our neighbours up, he collapsed in another room on a sofa, looking pale/green. I asked him what was wrong, he said his legs hurt and his arms  are numbed. His eyes were going up all the time. After we gave him some juice, he threw it up generously. We got very scared that this is a food poisoning (he ate many candies thrown at the Christmas parade on the ground) and called pediatricians. Those were too busy to see him so my husband drove to an urgent care.

When I saw them coming back from the window (I spend all the time of theirs trip praying that he won't die) my Mom called me from another continent. She is almost 4 months off now. She had the best  and longest window for last 3 weeks and I was indulged in it and happily dreamt that maybe She will be one of the lucky ones and THIS IS the end of wd.

I was wrong. She called me and I told Her my son is coming back from urgent care and I have to take care of him and will call Her back. Put down the telephone. I did not exchange more than 2 sentences with my husband about what does the doctor thinks (stomach flu, thanks GOD, not food poisoning) and here is another telephone. I said it again to Her:"please, wait, I have to wash his hands and make him comfortable, he was still very stressed and weak". My husband run to work, already 2 hours delayed and I stayed on the 3 calls from my Mom for total about 3 hours!!!!!!! I decided to make this choice and I will try to explain below why.

I was checking on my son and in one longer break between calls I asked him if wants me to stop talking to Granny, but that She is very sick and alone at home so maybe he would like to speak to Her a little bit to cheer Her up and let me do the same. He did and He felt good about helping Granny.  She was in intensely bad emotional/mental shape today. I felt so sorry for Her and I was so happy that my son lets me help Her and he wants to help too.

Like BW responded - In the situation that the primary health of those which we take care of is in risk - we HAVE TO choose those. It we talk about innocent happiness of our children....

I think they will meet a pain in life sooner or later. Pain doesn't have destroy theirs happiness. You could either shield them from seeing it OR teach them to remain peaceful and happy inside, trying to help by letting these suffering people be around us because they are our close, loved relatives and when they recovered - children will feel like they helped too.

My son is almost 5 and half. He understands a lot. He saw my Mom in Her worst and asked me then if She is crazy. It hurt me then to tears but I firmly told him that She is POISONED from the wrong drugs which She got from the doctor and Her acting is wrong but it is not Her fault.

 

When She hurt his feelings sometimes I was always, when the situation improved - making my Mom apologizing for the harsh comment, which was easy, because She loves him the most in the world. If She wasn't coming to the "window" fast enough to provide the apologies - I was coming in Her behalf to him and explaining that She would NEVER do it when she was recovered and that ONLY because of  of the poison She accidentally took She acts like that.

I asked him always if it is possible for him to forgive Her if I GUARANTEE that She loves him very, very much, just cannot show this at the moment but She surely will later.

I know it is a lot to ask for from a child.

But i know children are very smart and like being treated respectfully, as we give them power to accept something unpleasant and forgive it or not.

If he said ever he hates this what She does - I would be like you say - protecting him totally from it.

But I count on his heart and this approach works for us.

I would like to mention something else here. My favourite writer, Dostoevsky - known as the most capable to compassion for all kind of suffering people, the best emotional writer  grew up in a little flat adjacent to psychiatric hospital, where his father worked.

He saw many people who were different than those from school or his family -  but he liked them because they were People. He never forgot about human dignity.

His compassion made me collecting all his writings throughout my life and reading them when I have a time gives me an "emotional space" to forgive those who hurt me and my family. Most of these people doesn't know what they are doing. Benzo victims definitely don't know that, I am sure it is seriously against their true selves.

Think about telling your children the truth in a gentle words so they still can love theirs daddy even when he acts horrible to all of you. I don't mean let him do it. Of course take them away if possible from abuse of meanness but MEND theirs feeling, instead of protecting them from seeing.

It is a thin line between these two choices but if you try to incorporate your sick husband in your all loving family relations NOW - he will feel it too and cling to it at some point of recovery and will KNOW that you truly love him. He does need someone to love him. All benzo-recovered people say that they remember those who remain close, regardless of theirs horrid behaviour. By this choice you  let him know he is not alone in this heal.

 

I am totally exhausted today and i am sure for my son it wasn't the best option to play "I SPY" after returning from the clinic, instead of playing with mommy but He knew we love Granny and She feels bad too. She is and always will be included in our love, no matter what.

Still, decisions will need to be made daily or even more often. Maybe you can try to not be on the "other side" than your husband. Calm your kids down ( I am sure they get stressed when he acts terrible) and assure that he will recover one day and then they will see how much and truly he loves them. And ask if they can forgive because it is a disease caused by drugs, not the real daddy you chose for them to have. Have a great night.

Mrubar

 

[[er...]]

mrubar, I just read your post and will respond properly later, bec I must go to my grandfather now. (have I mentioned that I've been helping  with the care of my grandfather, and that of my grandmother, before she died last year?). I did want to thank you for the caring words.

 

'later,

 

erin

[[Mr...]]

For my wife it has now been 50 months since she last took a benzo.  She tapered off the .5mg she was on for just over a year.  I know I have felt lost in the past on this.  At this far out all I can do is keep telling her she will get better everyone recovers.  The success stories this far out are few and far between.  I know she has lost hope.

 

I try to keep my activities manageable but even with that her seeing me have a social life really depresses her.  What suggestions do you have to provide some hope for her as the slow horrible process continues? 

 

Thanks for any input

 

Pardner

Pardner,

4 years is a long time for protracted withdrawal.  I'm sure you have visited the threads/forums here with folks in your circumstance.  One thing I would have to say helped with my wife's symptoms is meticulously analyzing her health over all.  A milestone for us was having her amalgam (silver) fillings removed.  She had a number of old and damaged fillings that were leaching mercury into her system.  It was a task finding a dentist that understood the dangers of amalgam removal (it takes special ventilation, a dental dam, and very high pressure suction systems to protect both the patient and the clinician).  The dentist mentioned how he used to have periods of aggressive behaviour and rage until he became aware of the hazards of the mercury exposure.  Anyhow, 5 composite crowns later, Mrs. P practiced a strict detox diet and was really pretty sick for about 3 weeks.  Then I began to see a change.  There was less anxiety, less fear, less depression.  And all of this occurred prior to beginning her last and most successful taper by several months.  This may not be pertinent to your wife's condition, but I have found there is no rock that doesn't deserve a look under when searching for relief from this tragedy.

[[er...]]

pardner, I don't have any real advice.  but maybe if your wife is sad when you go out she will make the choice to go out too, even if she doesn't really, really feel like it.  like fake it to make it.  I wish you all the strength in the world.

 

mruber- I like your story and I hear how you can choose yr mom's health over paying attention to your son, from time to time.  I thought I came up with a solution- my husband can heal for a time in the care of retired, caring relatives, and my kids will have security.    my hub's rants are extremely difficult for our adult relatives and friends and for me to hear.  they are not for the ears of children.  I will not scar my kids that way.  maybe i'm wrong, but I believe in every kid's right to innocence.    I am choosing to help my hub while protecting my children.  we are lucky to have such support and such options.  I also cannot always drop my own work to "babysit" my hub .  I know my own work has suffered.

 

also-  my children are compassionate.  we have an open-door policy. the neighborhood kids who are not necessarily welcome everywhere, for whatever reason, are always welcome here.  my hub and I pride ourselves for building this sort of home environment.    I do not want my kids to see their dad as a charity case.  just a guy who was given bad advice and needs to heal- and if the healing gets too messy, it will be elsewhere.

 

ty again for your response.  so appreciated that you want to help so much.  your mom- and husband, and son, are lucky to have you.

 

blessings,

 

 

erin

[[Mr...]]

pardner, I don't have any real advice.  but maybe if your wife is sad when you go out she will make the choice to go out too, even if she doesn't really, really feel like it.  like fake it to make it.  I wish you all the strength in the world.

 

mruber- I like your story and I hear how you can choose yr mom's health over paying attention to your son, from time to time.  I thought I came up with a solution- my husband can heal for a time in the care of retired, caring relatives, and my kids will have security.    my hub's rants are extremely difficult for our adult relatives and friends and for me to hear.  they are not for the ears of children.  I will not scar my kids that way.  maybe i'm wrong, but I believe in every kid's right to innocence.    I am choosing to help my hub while protecting my children.  we are lucky to have such support and such options.  I also cannot always drop my own work to "babysit" my hub .  I know my own work has suffered.

 

also-  my children are compassionate.  we have an open-door policy. the neighborhood kids who are not necessarily welcome everywhere, for whatever reason, are always welcome here.  my hub and I pride ourselves for building this sort of home environment.    I do not want my kids to see their dad as a charity case.  just a guy who was given bad advice and needs to heal- and if the healing gets too messy, it will be elsewhere.

 

ty again for your response.  so appreciated that you want to help so much.  your mom- and husband, and son, are lucky to have you.

 

blessings,

 

 

erin

Erin,

yes, it sounds like you found the best solution for your situation which suits your needs. I guess the benzo behaviour for different people differs. My Mom never gets abusive, even when She gets angry. Somehow She manages to keep Her manners from the life before benzos. So all I needed is explain to my son the nonsens which sometimes happened when She forgot something or responded wrong. If you meant they might loose innocence by listening to abusive speeches of your husband - I agree, that would be too hard and hurtful and maybe damaging for them.

That is really nice that your relatives are willing to help so much.I guess you told them that this may last at least few months?  Hopefully the recovery will be quick and soon you all will be together. My Mom's sister was helping a lot this way, but unfortunately she passed away few weeks ago. As far as I remember - majority of people here don't have so much help from family. So you are really blessed. All the best for you and your family, I will keep you in my prayers for the best outcome of your plan, Mrubar

[[er...]]

mrubar, ty for support.

 

I feel very lucky to have a few select friends and relatives who are super supportive.  I do count those blessings.  I am so sorry to hear about your aunt- what a terrible blow for you and your mom...

 

oh, yes, it is a huge understatement to say my hub "lost his manners" during his rages.

 

thank god, a few decent days now.  time will tell...

 

hope everybody enjoys the weekend,

 

 

erin

[[fr...]]

Dear Caregivers:

 

So many compelling points of view being offered.  I struggle with these questions each day, having three children at home (10 and up) and often feeling guilty when an issue arises that seemingly necessitates a choice.  A small example:  Do I rest with my husband or get my kids out of the house & try to have fun, e.g. a holiday movie? It often seems oppressive for them with doors closed and their father in a dark room all day.  But I often think he'd prefer us all to stay. Knots in the stomach.

 

I just want to offer my support to everyone.  Aside from my mother's death from cancer, this is the most devastating and scary thing I have ever undergone.  And I suspect that holds true 10x over for my husband, especially as he is convinced that none of this has one whit to do with withdrawal, but rather some dreadful, as-yet-undiscerned or diagnosed disease.  The fear is intense and thick, and more often than not, I seem to lose my way.  I wish I could support him with more equanimity and grace.

[[er...]]

hi, freetobe.  nice to meet  you.  I scanned some of your posts and I see some similarities- our hubs have been at the benzo game for about 10 years, our kids are about same ages- and you seem to feel some of the anger/blame I do.

and those stomach knots!

 

 

if you've read what I've written you know I say that we can be hub-supportive but have to give our kids the childhood and innocence they deserve. re:  your dilemma about whether to take the kids out for some fun I say "yes- absolutely!". and I know this is nearly impossible but- try to enjoy yourself, too.

 

sending hugs,

 

erin

[[...]]

freetobe,

 

There is no right way to do this and that's what makes it so hard, I think. I kept wanting a how-to book so I could just follow the rules and do it right, but there isn't any. I can tell you what my husband tells me now about the times the kids & I tried to do something distracting & fun. On his "good" days, he was fine with it & encouraged it. On his bad days, we didn't dare leave him alone and also tried not to do things around the house that would make him feel left out since he couldn't laugh or watch movies, etc. He says that it was huge to him that we didn't leave him alone during the bad times. He hated to be alone and hated to be around people, so that wasn't much fun for us. We mostly drove him around a lot. He had lots of suicidal ideation for a long time, starting at about 6 months off, so we never left him totally alone and hid the car keys, kitchen knives every night (his worst times were early morning & almost normal at night.). We removed the guns from the house too. Please take that risk seriously; it can be impulsive and come out if nowhere. It may not happen for him but I have to include that because it happens more than we like to think.

 

We tried to keep the kids' lives as close to normal as possible. My hub was actually able to help coach little league and basketball during a long window. But even though I took the younger kids on a couple of out-of -town trips, they were never fun for me much. It took a few days for the stress symptoms to fade, then it was time to return home, which was hard to do. But, like the gal in the video says, we can run away, but they can't, so you just keep going, one day at a time. Kids are way more adaptable than we are and don't feel the weight of responsibility that we feel, so our fears of their damage are often blown out of proportion. Psychological trauma happens when we feel utterly helpless in the face of danger. So, trying to maintain an air of confidence before the kids is good and also looking for ways that they can feel control. I did this by giving them ways to help, either indirectly, by helping yhe household run smoothly, or directly, rubbing their dad's back, the olders driving him around, one son read aloud to him...sx change, come & go, worsen & get better, so you just have to be flexible and creative regarding this. Mostly, I assured the kids that it was a sure thing he would get better if he just stayed off the meds. I shared all the hopeful things I learned and they became pretty good at distancing themselves from the weirdness. Knowledge is power. My kids learned a lot and I see them use their gained insight often with others. Nothing much fazes them either. They'll be the future rescuers & not the victims, for sure.

 

Here's the video that I originally logged on to share. The first part is hard to understand with his accent, but his wife comes on later and it's the first time I've ever actually heard or seen a wife talk about yhe experience. It was very validating for me so I hope it provides some hope & comfort for others here also. 

 

"In conjunction with the imminent launch of our new service which we will be delivering in the new year, 'ADS-Haslam Clinics for Prescribed Addiction', we interviewed Barry Haslam, our partner and leading expert on the effects of prescription drugs.

 

During the interview Barry talks about his struggle with addiction to prescribed medicines and the devastating effects it's had on himself and those around him. We also hear the story from a carers  point of view from Barry's wife Sue and collectively their resolve to make this national scandal understood."

[[Mr...]]

Hello Everyone,

Today ended 4 months after my Mom's jump off 15+ years of lorazepam. It has been a good month. I know it can get bad again, but I thought it would be nice to post it before Christmas - along with hope spread by this holidays.

I was delighted to dream that this will stay like that... Of course rationally I knew it is too early for full recovery but it was still shocking good to have Her back for so long.

Here is a summary of all 4 moths (in days), it was significantly better than before, almost all good and ok days happened together on the beginning of the month in one big wave. Now we are back to ok. Occasionally 1 -2 bad days happened  but they passed quickly.

1: 7 good, 12 ok, 11 bad

2: 4 good, 16 ok, 11 bad

3: 6 good, 11 ok, 14 bad (3 intensely bad in it)

4. 9 good, 17 ok, 4 bad (1 intensely bad in it)

With these data I wish you all, dear struggling BBs - have faith in recovery and keep living one day at a time. Don't look too far ahead or back. One day is enough. You have my love and prayers for all of you daily, my Friends. Mrubar

 

[[Ca...]]

hello all

 

I haven't been on this thread since it restarted here.

I am delighted Mrubar that your mother is improving.

 

back when you were counting down the end of her taper I was worried for the outcome but you have continued supporting her from afar and all is coming along nicely.

 

merry Christmas to all here ( I know it will be difficult for some)

 

Love Carol

[[Mr...]]

hello all

 

I haven't been on this thread since it restarted here.

I am delighted Mrubar that your mother is improving.

 

back when you were counting down the end of her taper I was worried for the outcome but you have continued supporting her from afar and all is coming along nicely.

 

merry Christmas to all here ( I know it will be difficult for some)

 

Love Carol

 

Dear Carol,

Thank you! I am worried how the Christmas will go for my Mom. My brother says last 3 years it was a pure nightmare (excitement about Christmas messed up and stirred the wd symptoms significantly). I hope tomorrow will go easy, but I am not sure. I talk to my Mom every day. Today was the first one that She did not want to talk longer then few minutes. She sounded depressed and lonely. She appreciates my brother and me caring about Her but doesn't understand why all friends disappeared. She completely doesn't believe me when I try to tell Her that She was THAT MUCH ill. She is grieving after Her sister and misses Her other friends - alive but not caring. She is facing the empty reality of Her present life and I know how She feels. Hopefully the Spirit of Christmas will warm Her heart up. I truly hope so, otherwise it would be a very sad Christmas for us.

Merry Christmas Carol, and all the blessings it brings. Mrubar

 

[[...]]

hello all...mr linn here.....will be moving back into our house jan 3rd.....been out 7 months.....long story.....linn holding at 7mg V/day.........will be posting more when back in normal conditions praying and hoping for all of you .......mr linn

[[er...]]

don't know the whole long story, but getting back into your own house sounds awesome.  may 2014 be a year of blessings and continued healing!

 

all the best

 

erin

[[am...]]

Hello BW and Erin321,

 

I read most of the posts on this support thread and I must say that both of you come across as two very smart and very strong ladies. I can only hope that I would be as good of a supporter as my wife was to me if she ever had to go through one of these hellacious withdrawals. I wish both of you success and happiness in the future !     

 

Patrick

[[...]]

Hope our BB friends had a VERY MERRY XMAS and HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR. Mr. Linn and I hope every ones pain is less this next year. I am still having pain.  Its a hard thing to go through. I FEEL BAD FOR ALL OF YOU. like I said before what hurts the most is how the loved ones treat me. There is only a couple of them but its very close relation. I know some of you have that to and my heart aches for you. When they knew I had head aches before  they found how about the pill they were there for me. But now I cant even say I am sick. They hang up the phone. That hurts. The Linns :smitten: :smitten:

[[pa...]]

hello all

 

I haven't been on this thread since it restarted here.

I am delighted Mrubar that your mother is improving.

 

back when you were counting down the end of her taper I was worried for the outcome but you have continued supporting her from afar and all is coming along nicely.

 

merry Christmas to all here ( I know it will be difficult for some)

 

Love Carol

 

Hi Dearest Carol,

 

So good to hear from you again.  A belated Merry Christmas to you also.  Hoping your mother is doing better.  My prayers are with you and your family, with all blessings for the New Year, that's just around the corner.

 

Love, P

[[pa...]]

Hope our BB friends had a VERY MERRY XMAS and HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR. Mr. Linn and I hope every ones pain is less this next year. I am still having pain.  Its a hard thing to go through. I FEEL BAD FOR ALL OF YOU. like I said before what hurts the most is how the loved ones treat me. There is only a couple of them but its very close relation. I know some of you have that to and my heart aches for you. When they knew I had head aches before  they found how about the pill they were there for me. But now I cant even say I am sick. They hang up the phone. That hurts. The Linns :smitten: :smitten:

 

We all hope the same for you Mrs. Linn.  Yes, the pain and the process is hard to go through, though, you will get better and better as time goes forward.  Like so many, it's the ones around us that we have loved in our lives that create so much hurt going through this. I'm so sorry you are having to go through all that you wrote with them.  The most important, is you have your dear Mr. Linn, your mother and your dear dog.... and your new home pretty soon, and hopefully that is just around the corner.

 

Know, my thoughts and prayers are always with you both.  Give each other a big hug from me to both of you.  A blessed Happy New Year to you both... with healing and joy that you both deserve..

 

Love you both, P

[[St...]]

Excuse me, but how do I post on this board. There is no 'new topic' button. Sorry to seem dim but I really need all your help and support right now. Thanks.

[[St...]]

Hello all. I wondered if anyone could offer me some help and support. My partner  has been using benzos off the internet for the past six months, he quit his job 4 months ago and has spiralled downhill since then. He has been self medicating with the internet stuff and has also spend a small fortune on cocaine, massive credit card debts and using my money too. I think we have a handle on that and I think he was only using the cocaine to counteract the valium. Anyway he took 600mg on Friday and I told his doctor and he was admitted to the poisons ward overnight. They gave me 30mg of diazepam as they said that what he had off the internet was not like the pharmaceutical stuff, he is insistent that he needs more. He is tapering now, sort of, and I need help and support because I feel as though I have lost him and I don't know what to do. I have taken a variety of drugs recreationally for a long time but I can't reach him. It's only been 4 days but I just wanted some help and advice over what to expect and how to deal with it. The doctors have made me responsible for giving him his meds, he's on 40mg diazepam, 15mg Mirtazapine anti depressants and 80mg of Bedranor beta blockers. At the moment he is still recovering from Friday's hospitalisation, he can hardly walk or talk, he stumbles and cries and tells me he wants to die, wants to kill himself. He's obsessed with tapering and reads and reads and reads about it on the internet and he is furious with the doctors as he feels they have not given him a high enough dose. But the thing is, I've never seen him this bad, in the last six months he has sometimes taken a lot of diazepam and xanax and sometimes none and it feels as though every time I give him his script, I lose him a little more. I feel as though it is the diazepam that is making him like this, so mushy and not my beautiful beautiful boy. I don't even know how to administer them, when to give them to him. He will wake me up at 5 AM to give him one. he's NEVER taken them at 5 AM before, it feels as though he KNOWS he should take them so he is. I just don't know, this is all so new to me and I need help. he threatens suicide and says it will be my fault and I don't know whether to love him or punch him (not literally, but I get so mad). Does he need to taper? When should I give him his meds? When will he be able to walk and talk again? Is this intense depression part of the 'overdose'? Should I pander to him or be matter of fact, he is eating and eating and eating and then stares into space. I'm at a total loss.

Thank you.