FAMILY MEMBER/PARTNERS SUPPORT THREAD

[[Ra...]]

I would echo Overcomer's thoughts.  As the Xanax user in my family, I was too an accidental addict and have apologized probably 200 times to my husband who takes good care of me.  I wouldn't be here without him. 

 

To the caretakers, please try to remember that our benzo brains cannot function normally.  I know it is easy to get burned out because this process is so lengthy, so I want to say THANK YOU to all the caregivers hanging in there for their loved one.  Repeating positive things, feeding, caring for and everything you do for us.  Your loved one sometimes cannot take care of themselves and you have no idea how much we appreciate all your love and support.

 

THANK YOU!!!

[[la...]]

ME TOOOOO   if not for hubby I would be locked up for sure. He has taken the brunt of all this and I am SO thankful to him and God for giving me him

[[ov...]]

Well said Lainey and Rabbit!  I get afraid that something is going to happen to my husband, and then what would I do.  I can function in the home, in baggy clothes (skin pain) but to step out into the outside world and try and pretend I am normal is very difficult.  I do not know what would have happened to me if it was not for my lovely husband.  This is bringing tears to my eyes just typing this.

 

When I thank him he says, if the shoe was on the other foot you would be there for me.  And he is right I would be.  I know he aches for me and the pain I am in.  It is sad that it is taking so much time from his life too.  I try to dissuade my guilt by saying to myself, that my honey is now doing all the errands for me that I did for him the last 49 years.  .  The difficult part is when I have my freak outs, that is not me, that is the benzos.  The rants have eased a little unless an event occurs that brings on anxiety.  I have found when I give in to the rants it not only hurts my wonderful husband but it also makes my s/xs worse.  I can hardly wait for the skin pain to cease so I can cuddle with my wonderful caretaker.

 

You wonderful caretakers out there, you are appreciated!

Overcomer    :smitten:

[[la...]]

Overcomer, I was just saying this tonight. My husband travels a lot, he leaves Monday out of town till Thursday and when hes not here I feel very lonely and am in constant prayer for his safety, because I would not know what to do without him

[[ov...]]

Lainey don't you hate that fear?  I used to enjoy when my hubby would go on a fishing trip etc.  I would have a week of freedom to spend with friends, go to movies, out to dinner, not cook dinners if I didn't feel like it.  I was confident and enjoyed life.  Wowie zowie, benzos robbed us.  Well, we will get it back!  Yes, I live in fear that something will happen to him, because I would be up sh-t creek!

Overcomer  :smitten:

[[Mr...]]

Dear Buddies,

Today is Mrs.P's first day of Benzo Freedom.  She is doing pretty well, has Spring Fever for the first time in years, and looks forward to also tapering the AD she is on.  Her relief is palpable.  She was so afraid of what may come after this point, but now she is prepared for whatever may arise.  Seriously.  For those of us fighting the fight, all I can say is there is hope and light on the other side.  Keep on keepin' on for the struggle does end in time.

 

MR. P 

[[4l...]]

Mr. Potato - I haven't been on this board in months, but took a look today and saw your post.  Congrats to you and your wife.  What a long journey.  Now she can really heal that the taper is over.  Don't hurry off the AD and enjoy the Benzo freedom! 

 

For those new on this board, my husband has been benzo free for 2 years now - going on 3.  We haven't posted a success story although we really should.  He was a runner prior to all the taper/drug mess.  The taper and withdrawal brought him to the weakest body ever... muscle waste, nerve damage etc.  I am happy to say he is back to it and training for a mini marathon.  The process has been slow, but I am so very proud of him.  He gets stronger every day.  Gone are the sad faces and challenging days.  Time heals.  I see the beautiful person I met many years ago.  Exercise has been the greatest gift to his wellness even if it was only a short walk down the driveway.  Each day a step farther. 

 

To all those still early into it... one day and one step at a time.  Wishing you all a happy day.

 

 

[[Mr...]]

Dear Buddies,

Today is Mrs.P's first day of Benzo Freedom.  She is doing pretty well, has Spring Fever for the first time in years, and looks forward to also tapering the AD she is on.  Her relief is palpable.  She was so afraid of what may come after this point, but now she is prepared for whatever may arise.  Seriously.  For those of us fighting the fight, all I can say is there is hope and light on the other side.  Keep on keepin' on for the struggle does end in time.

 

MR. P 

 

Mrs. and Mr. Potato - Great!

YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope now it will be only better and better for both of you.

Mrubar

[[ba...]]

hi mr potato thats great your wife got benzo free today shes strong and had alot of willpower to do so

 

mr potato that name reminds me i ate too many potatos today eating a potato & egg taco this morning then eating a WHOLE can of pringles this evening 

[[er...]]

mr p,

how exciting for you both!  such a great feeling to know poison is out!  wishing you health and healing and success as you continue down the road...

 

erin

[[Fo...]]

I just want to plead with anyone reading this forum to please continue to support your loved ones. I am in position where I have to hide my withdrawals because my wife thinks its all in my head. I have been put out of the house, and I did not get angry, or react or do anything wrong - I refused to take an antipsychotic that had been put in my tea for 5 weeks without my knowledge. I am not schizophrenic or bipolar. I am suffering from withdrawals from diazepam.

 

I cry when I get a chance in private and I am currently living with my parents. If I show any signs of weakness they tell me that I am throwing away my marriage, my job and my life. I was even told to get a life because I phoned a suicide hotline. The pain of withdrawal is an unbearable thing, but I have 4 young children and I have to make it for them.

 

Please, to anyone reading this, understand your loved ones are going through Hell, and support them through it. I turn 40 this year and all I want for my 40th birthday is for my wife to say, "I love you and I will wait for you to get better" but she cannot give me that guarantee. If any of you believe in God please pray for me, as I don't know where else to turn anymore. We have one counsellor in this part of the world who only understands cold turkey from benzos - and she is the "specialist". I cannot make any of my family walk in my shoes and nor would I want anyone to, but to those loved ones on here supporting your partners / children / parents you are very special people.

 

 

[[mr...]]

Hi all,

I have been having a very difficult time trying to tease the details of my mom's sypmtoms out of her on a scale of 1-10, 10 being worse.

Does anyone have any ideas how I can figure it out with the way she acts or is there another way?

 

 

[[er...]]

mr m, why is it so important to know exactly how bad a given symptom is at a certain time?  i find that focusing endlessly on symptoms is never helpful.

 

 

for my...where to begin?  i would beg my husband to recover for his 4 kids.  you say you will do it for them, so why this talk of suicide?

 

i agree that you should not be taking another drug.  if you do real research on the whole mind drug/dr/pharm company thing you will see that the world would be much better off without any of these drugs (not just benzos)  and that these mind diagnoses are made up and nonexistent in the first place, and that just about anyone who presents himself as "mind sick" was never really crazy- he was made crazy by his (legal) drugs.

 

i have kept my family intact because i believe my kids are better off this way.  if you calm down a bit, maybe your wife will reach the same conclusion.

 

i have posted about my hub's rants and tantrums.  if you have these, and you must cry, why don't you go for a ride and let it all out in the privacy of your car and then return home with resolve and strength.    i will tell you what i told my hub- i believe you and i believe in you.  you are in a living hell but so is your wife.  the effects of w/d are horrible, but quit focusing on them and know that life is not always easy.  you do owe the kids you have elected to have - resume your life because you owe it to them.

 

i prayed for you already and will continue to do so.  find your strength and act on it.

 

blessings,

 

erin

[[mr...]]

Erin,

I am tapering my mom using valium at a rate that matches her symptoms.

Holds are done to stabilize.

 

[[Fo...]]

Hi Erin,

 

I became suicidal as a symptom of withdrawal. It was purely a symptom, made worse by my family telling that benzo withdrawal is all in my head. On top of this they repeatedly told me that I would lose my wife and kids if I did not take an antipsychotic. The mind is already fragile, I was not being rational, it was a symptom of withdrawal. To have those you love further heap fear and misery on you in the midst of this is so difficult to deal with. I did not react or get angry and no one knows that I cry. I was put out of the house purely because I refuse to take an antipsychotic, as I had become too unwell to go work. I don't mope around. I play with my kids, I lift them though it makes me ill (not emotionally, purely a physical symptom of iatrogenic damagel and my body is in such a mess, and I smile and talk to my wife even though my head is burning and my vision blurs. I was not now nor was I ever a violent person, so no one knows I am suffering as much as I am because I cannot let them see. They have made that clear. I am a calm and rational person and have always been so, but my wife is pro pharma and when I suffered severe side effects to the olanzapine she told me it was all in my head and got angry when I stopped taking it.

 

I was a highly driven successful man who was also a fitness fanatic. This drug has brought me to my knees and I am trying to so hard to beat it, but how much easier that would be if someone I loved told me they believed I could do it without further pharmaceutical intervention. I know my family are frightened which I why I hide it from them. But I cannot calm down anymore than I am. There are no tempers or anything else to suggest I am suffering and I do not take it out on anyone else. I have only on occasion broken down in front of family months ago and that led to lectures about antipsychotics so that had to stop.

 

Thank you for your prayers.

 

 

[[...]]

Formywifeandkids,

 

You are doing the right thing and doing the best you can. My husband is close to 100% healed now, but was a completely different person for close to 3 years. He had the full support of myself and our 5 children, but it was still the hardest thing he ever had to do. I wish your wife could give you the unconditional love you need, but if she won't, keep looking elsewhere for it from others to keep you going because when it is over and you are yourself again, it will all be worth it. Your family is worth it. My husband is happy all the time now and our kids love him more than ever. There is a net gain in that regard.

 

My hub has told me he couldn't have gotten through alive without my understanding and assurance of faithfulness, so I'm sure you are feeling quite alone. I'm praying that things change and are made at least a bit easier in that way. So glad that you are staying away from the added drugs...that's difficult to fight against loved ones who think they are helping you. I was the one who bore that burden in our case. This whole thing is devastating to families in so many ways, but the outcome is positive for those who choose to endure & overcome. I pray your wife will have her eyes opened to the truth and ultimately choose life, your life, your future family life, the renewed life that comes after the fire.

 

Here is a page of short videos I found recently that may provide more outside support for you. The one by Baylissa Frederick(Bliss Johns) shows great compassion. At least, you can get some from her as you need it.

http://vimeo.com/cepuk/videos

 

If your wife would watch these, she may benefit also. There's one about how the extra drugs can possibly prolong recovery by years. That may get her to rethink that route.

 

 

 

[[Fo...]]

Thank you so much BW. Anyone who looks at me would see this big hulk and think I am impervious to emotional turmoil, but my kids love me no matter what, and I will always have that. Thank you again. God bless.

[[er...]]

got it, mr m

 

formy..  bw has always been much kinder- i am more of a tough love person.  seems to me like you are doing everything i'd recommend- except the going to work part.  do you not think that is part of what is making your wife furious?    i've spent a lot of time reading the "those who have to work" thread on this site - people are sole breadwinners, (like my hub), single parents. some people really have no choice.  at one point, years ago, i told my hub he was welcome to stop working if he had a plan for how our mortgage was going to be paid. 

 

the whole fundamental evil of drugs/big pharm co is very difficult to get people to understand.  so sorry your wife is not there. 

 

hub and i went on a date night for teh first time in about a year.  if things are really on the right path, finally, maybe, we have to do normal things, whether my heart is in it or not.

 

praying for you, your wife, and, always, your kids

 

erin

[[ov...]]

ForMyWifeandKids:  I feel your pain and understand where you are at.  I try to hide how bad I am feeling from my hubby.  He is being very supportive.  Unlike your wife, my hubby remains positive and says he will stick it out with me no matter how long it takes.  He does not want me to take anything to help with the w/d.  Not that there is anything that will help other than time.

 

My problem is my 3 grown daughters.  All of them want me to go into detox hospital to get off the V that I switched over to from temazepam.  I w/d from tramadol 10/15/13 and K 11/22/13.  So just have the temazepam to taper from.  My hubby is on board with the taper, children are not.  So consequently they have removed themselves from my life.  This is heartbreaking for me, but I refuse to CT from the V.  I am already in severe w/d from the K.  My hubby is supporting me all the way, we have been married 49 yrs and I am truly blessed.

 

I pray that your wife comes to her senses.  These w/ds are not in your head, they are very REAL but we will heal and I think faster with the help of our families!

xo Overcomer  :smitten:

[[pa...]]

Hi All,

 

Haven't been on much, due to a health issue with another family person.  Though, I try to stop by once per day to catch up on PM's, and just read minimally.  Haven't forgotten this site at all, or one of you.  Many of you don't know, but, BW and myself were beginners of supporters to each other.  What a blessings BW was and I hope I also was for her.  We traveled a journey together, one that gave the support to each other, a dear friend we knew would be there.... then, on a previous part of this forum, the family/supporter thread began..  One by one, other supporters joined, and it was always with support to each other, a shoulder or ear to lean on, and that was given back in return from one to another.  Why?  Because, each one read, educated themselves about what was taking place, learned and understood.  What we understood from this, is why!  Once ones, and unfortunately too many don't, or they won't accept the why, they will understand this is an illness from these drugs, an awful illness that their loved ones is truly suffering from, and they will either choose to be a support system or not.  Unfortunately, too many don't, and this has been seen by both myself and BW for several years.

 

As I cannot put this all in a general reply to all of you, as your usernames will be deleted, as this thread is viewed by the public, I will go back to each of your posts and reply to you.  I'm happy to see that the thread has additional bbs posting, ones who are personally going through this journey and sharing.  That is a must!

 

Blessings to all...  P 

[[pa...]]

Mrubar

 

I am still following your posts here.

I am happy that your mother is experiencing some better moments.

Big big to you .

Love Carol

 

You our dear friend, you have always been a dear in supporting the thread in the previous section.  Yes, M's mom is moving forward, having better experiences as you said...  What a wonderful daughter she is. 

Thank you C for always being a part for all on the thread through this journey.

 

Love to you, P 

[[pa...]]

I am in the beginnings of my taper from V from temazepam.  My first cut is tonight.  My poor family has been through hell with me because of benzos and my w/d s/xs.  I hope I can get them to join BB and read and maybe participate in this group.

 

My poor hubby has been so patient with my rants and watching me go through the pain of the s/xs, I have severe issues.  I tend to get very bad around 7pm at night.  I try to do something to keep myself occupied so I don't go into one of my crying fits of pain.  I feel so bad that he has to watch me do this.  He has been so sweet in driving me around, doing all the errands and always making sure he is here at lunch time to make me some scrambled eggs.  I try and remember to thank him every night for all that he is doing for me.

 

For you folks that are the caretakers, please know that a lot of us feel guilty for what we are putting our families through and we do appreciate your efforts on our behalf!  Most of the time it is not us but the benzo brain! 

 

Thanks all, and say a pray for my first V cut tonight!!

Overcomer    :smitten:

 

Hi O,

 

Congratulations for your accomplishment in moving forward off this drug.  Commend yourself totally!  I pray your family will join BB, or just come on and read. Your husband will be fine O... He knows who you are, and will be by your side with support on this.  Try to get your family on board with this thread.

 

Hugs, P

[[pa...]]

I would echo Overcomer's thoughts.  As the Xanax user in my family, I was too an accidental addict and have apologized probably 200 times to my husband who takes good care of me.  I wouldn't be here without him. 

 

To the caretakers, please try to remember that our benzo brains cannot function normally.  I know it is easy to get burned out because this process is so lengthy, so I want to say THANK YOU to all the caregivers hanging in there for their loved one.  Repeating positive things, feeding, caring for and everything you do for us.  Your loved one sometimes cannot take care of themselves and you have no idea how much we appreciate all your love and support.

 

THANK YOU!!!

 

Hi R,

 

Good for you in posting on this thread.  What's most important, is having he feedback from both sides of the fence.  Yes, you are correct, "try to remember that our benzo brains cannot function normally".  Though, I'm here to tell you first hand, like BW... it all turns around, everyone does heal.  Yes, "your loved one sometimes cannot take care of themselves".  That is where the understanding for caregivers must come from understanding by read Ashton, etc... excepting it, as it is totally true.  It is an awful illness one must travel from these drugs... though, it does all change, and all do heal, it just takes time.

 

To your supporters R... let they be gentle and loving for you all the way.

 

P

[[pa...]]

ME TOOOOO   if not for hubby I would be locked up for sure. He has taken the brunt of all this and I am SO thankful to him and God for giving me him

 

Hi L...

 

You are a wonderful team together.  My best to both you and your hubby.  You'll both get there, believe me for that one!

 

Hugs, P

[[pa...]]

Dear Buddies,

Today is Mrs.P's first day of Benzo Freedom.  She is doing pretty well, has Spring Fever for the first time in years, and looks forward to also tapering the AD she is on.  Her relief is palpable.  She was so afraid of what may come after this point, but now she is prepared for whatever may arise.  Seriously.  For those of us fighting the fight, all I can say is there is hope and light on the other side.  Keep on keepin' on for the struggle does end in time.

 

MR. P 

]

 

Hi Mr. P...  As mentioned in my reply to your PM in what I sent... Congratulations to both of you.  You remained steadfast understanding all, and moving in the taper in the correct manner.  I commend both of you. I pray the wds are minimal for your Mrs.

Yes Mr. P... there is hope and light on the other side, it truly does and will happen.

 

My best always to your both.

 

P