Valium/Diazepam Support Group

[[Mo...]]

Kitsune,

Thanks...guess if worst came to worst, I could switch pharmacies several times.  Also, how has it been for you to go from pill to all Roxane/Westward Pharm liquid?  Notice a difference?  Is it much better for you than doing the homemade liquid?

[[Ma...]]

Mary,

What's wrong with Val's daughter?  I will add her to my prayers.

 

Magnolis,

So no more Mylan and no more TEVA?  Which puts us down to one manufacturer, which is Mayne?  Not good.  Similar to the clonazepam issue.  I'm going to call my local pharmacist tomorrow to see if there's any way he can get a bottle of TEVA and put my name on it - he knows I am sensitive and he's done the same with Lupin.  I "guess" I'm somewhat blessed that I have some 80 - 10 mg tablets of TEVA that I never used.  If I compounded those into Oraplus or something similar, I could make them go a long way.  Either that, or I will just transition to the Roxane/Westward completely as Mary has done.  I'm so tired of these manufacturers doing this.  Can't wait to be free of this poison so there's no longer this fear.

 

Mag, I think her daughter is fine, it's Val is her only support and she worries about her withdrawal and now the CV.  So just asked about both of them.  I can tell you I am glad I switched to the Roxane, it tastes pretty bad but right before I take it I mix it with something and you'll survive, but the first few days you may not think so    I was on Teva pills before, so I guess I am lucky I already switched.  I have grown to like it though as a med, so easy.  :smitten:

[[Ma...]]

I think of Val everyday.

[[Ma...]]

I think of Val everyday.

 

We all do, she did post up above just to say they are ok :smitten:

[[Mo...]]

Mary,

 

Glad you are doing well with the pharm liquid.  I didn't notice a difference swapping out the previous mgs from tablet to it.  So now I am on 1.25 mg of Roxane and 4 mg tablet but I'm ready to move another 1 mg over to Roxane to start cutting my morning dose.  So far, I've only cut the afternoon and evening doses.  If there's a shortage of TEVA, then will definitely be considering going all liquid.  I KNOW I'm the only one at Sam's Club that gets this stuff - they had to order it for me and told me so.  I agree with the taste but it's something I've adjusted to.  I've had much worse!!

 

Val,

So sorry for all the extra stressors from this whole corona thing.  Praying for us all, especially those like yourself, who are being hit even harder.

[[va...]]

Hi everyone. Thank you so much for your kind words, Mary, momof7, Magnolis 💖

 

This is a beautiful loving group and I really hope we get over this together. OK, now I'm going to post one of those tedious posts where I ask for tapering advice, which I haven't asked for in a while. I'd love to hear some feedback, however anyone who tells me I'm in "tolerance withdrawal" or "paradoxical" will be severely spanked in the bottom, so please refrain from it.

 

Last June I had a terrible crash and after a month I updosed to 2.5. Most people don't understand how I can still have withdrawal after updosing from 1.40 to 2.50. Neither do I.  I always stumble upon a post by SG, where he said that when we've crashed badly, we cause glutamate damage and this can take a long time to heal from ( I guess that's why some people are protracted for ten years). I'm eight months into my updose and I feel protracted. I am functional but I'm much weaker than my real self : fear, anxiety, low stress tolerance, fatigue, muscle pain... However I can deal with my responsibilities so far.

 

If I wait to be better, I'm fearing it's going to take forever, and  I don't want to be on Valium forever, especially considering how uncertain everything is, including the med supply when times of crises come. Fortunately I have a stash for ten months.

 

I am on 2.5 Valium. I was terrified to cut for fear of crashing again or becoming even more damaged, but I'm also terrified of being on this drug. I'm considering making a cut. Only 0.10. Down from 2.5 to 2.4. I wonder what you think. I wanted to wait till completely stable, but I think that's never going to happen due to my being protracted as a consequence of the crash and subsequent glutamate damage. I was planning to cut 0.10 a month, and after three months reassess. Thank you for reading this far. 😘

[[Ma...]]

Val, I just got through holding for 5 months, I was kind of an iffy stable, and I did a 1/2 mg dlmt and so far I feel better and really no different.    I think you have held long enough, just my opinion, that you can take a chance on tapering that amount.  Please let us know how you are, okay?  LY, Mary 

[[Mo...]]

Val,

I am so sorry the updose didn't get you back to where you had hoped to be.  I can only tell you what I would be doing BUT I don't necessarily have your same situation (single mother, etc).  For me, the only way in my mind is to get off to get better and to live a normal life, especially being in my 40s.  Also, benzos are becoming like "opiods", at least in the US.  Eventually, I feel too many are gonna be forced off (and too quickly), which I disagree with.  I watched an Anna Lemke interview where she did say a minority of people are better off staying on a low dose but IMO, this is gonna be an elderly person or someone with a lot of health issues that just can't handle w/d or it's not worth it - and maybe those same people have been on for years with no issues.  But that most are better in the long run to get off, even though it's gonna be hell for some of us to get there.  I know you said you don't want to microtaper but I wonder too if you did a 10 day .01 mg reduction and then held that for the other 20.  Whether liquid or dry, maybe that would ease things. 

 

Mary,

Way to go on the .5 mg reduction.  That's really awesome!! 

[[ki...]]

Val, after my crash from jumping I ended up updosing to 4 mg and holding for a month. I didn’t feel great when I started to taper again, but I figured some healing would happen while I started tapering again (very slowly, and I switched to a DLMT). I wonder if the DLMT would be easier on you. I also read about people feeling better when they start up tapering again, maybe you are one of those people. 

[[Ma...]]

Val,

I am so sorry the updose didn't get you back to where you had hoped to be.  I can only tell you what I would be doing BUT I don't necessarily have your same situation (single mother, etc).  For me, the only way in my mind is to get off to get better and to live a normal life, especially being in my 40s.  Also, benzos are becoming like "opiods", at least in the US.  Eventually, I feel too many are gonna be forced off (and too quickly), which I disagree with.  I watched an Anna Lemke interview where she did say a minority of people are better off staying on a low dose but IMO, this is gonna be an elderly person or someone with a lot of health issues that just can't handle w/d or it's not worth it - and maybe those same people have been on for years with no issues.  But that most are better in the long run to get off, even though it's gonna be hell for some of us to get there.  I know you said you don't want to microtaper but I wonder too if you did a 10 day .01 mg reduction and then held that for the other 20.  Whether liquid or dry, maybe that would ease things. 

 

Mary,

Way to go on the .5 mg reduction.  That's really awesome!!

 

I think it worked so well because of the long hold.  That's why I think Val will be okay.  But really going slow and if she is ok, maybe doing a little more.  She is very sensitive.

 

I was thrilled with my 1/2 mg kitsune and so far one of my easiest taper series yet!!  LY  :smitten:

[[Ma...]]

I’m 5 weeks into the additional 1 mg updose. I started the clock again, but I felt It was the best decision. I held 3.5 months after 1st updose. Some symptoms improved, others not. Details like a possibility of running out of Valium during this cv,  sent me into pure panic . I am living on the edge even more now.  But, today I brought out the dlmt supplies and chart just to feel the energy of moving forward. This threat of drug limits, is also making me want to start. I’m going to go super slow. 4 months to get rid of .75. I’m going to wait til April 1st to make a decision. I always felt Better tapering. 7.5 months of holding is enough. I wanted to feel so much better by now, but it’s not happening, I feel tapering that slow with dlmt will work out.5% a month.

[[Ol...]]

Vali, Magnolis, I support your tapering decision. We are all rooting for you!

 

[[va...]]

Val, I just got through holding for 5 months, I was kind of an iffy stable, and I did a 1/2 mg dlmt and so far I feel better and really no different.    I think you have held long enough, just my opinion, that you can take a chance on tapering that amount.  Please let us know how you are, okay?  LY, Mary 

 

Hooray for tapering that 1/2 mg Mary. I'm so glad the hold worked for you 💪. I think you have worse muscle issues. My main issue is insane anxiety. Insane Mary. So my dilemma is, if the anxiety is so bad now, in spite of the hold, if it gets much worse when I start cutting, how am I going to manage that? I really appreciate you caring for me.

[[va...]]

Val,

I am so sorry the updose didn't get you back to where you had hoped to be.  I can only tell you what I would be doing BUT I don't necessarily have your same situation (single mother, etc).  For me, the only way in my mind is to get off to get better and to live a normal life, especially being in my 40s.  Also, benzos are becoming like "opiods", at least in the US.  Eventually, I feel too many are gonna be forced off (and too quickly), which I disagree with.  I watched an Anna Lemke interview where she did say a minority of people are better off staying on a low dose but IMO, this is gonna be an elderly person or someone with a lot of health issues that just can't handle w/d or it's not worth it - and maybe those same people have been on for years with no issues.  But that most are better in the long run to get off, even though it's gonna be hell for some of us to get there.  I know you said you don't want to microtaper but I wonder too if you did a 10 day .01 mg reduction and then held that for the other 20.  Whether liquid or dry, maybe that would ease things. 

 

Mary,

Way to go on the .5 mg reduction.  That's really awesome!!

 

Thank you momof7. I know you had terrible symptoms last summer when I found BBs and I see you're tapering again and getting there. I hope it works well for me too. Like I said to Mary above, my worst symptom is fear and anxiety. If it gets much worse than this I don't know if I can manage. But I guess I have tu try. I'm so glad you're tapering successfully.

[[va...]]

Val, after my crash from jumping I ended up updosing to 4 mg and holding for a month. I didn’t feel great when I started to taper again, but I figured some healing would happen while I started tapering again (very slowly, and I switched to a DLMT). I wonder if the DLMT would be easier on you. I also read about people feeling better when they start up tapering again, maybe you are one of those people. 

 

Kitsune, thanks for chiming in. I'm glad you could start tapering again. I can't do dlmt, really I can't. But I'm good with the scale after four years dry cutting Lexapro, and 0.10 is a small cut if I only cut once a month.

[[va...]]

Olive kitty thank you for supporting us 😚

 

Magnolis, I'm sorry you're not getting the stability you hoped for either. I cut down to 2.40 three nights ago, and after asking the group here, I'm going to stick to it. I'm not encouraging you to do the same because this is such a personal decision. Whatever you decide, we're fighting this together and we'll get there eventually. Maybe you don't feel much better but you do sound better. What's the worst for you? For me it's fear. Relentless fear. I'm so sick of it. I wake up in a panic every single day, and only manage to sleep thanks to the other meds. Then the fear sticks to me all day. I had a few better days before this CovID outbreak, but now I don't have one good moment. Like Mary said, I don't think cutting 0,10 a month is such a big deal.

[[Mo...]]

Val,

I'm proud of you for moving forward, despite the fear.  And oh my, do I understand it along with about another 50 symptoms that I had.  No one can understand it unless you have lived it. So many warriors going through this hell that continue to fight. Thanks for your encouragement - in the end, I will not know if the c/o and extremely slow taper will benefit me in the long run.  I won't consider it a success until I'm in the low amounts and almost off. 

 

I know and understand the extra anxiety of this whole corona thing, though I know many (including you) seem to have things much worse.  Continuing to pray hard that this eventually resolves soon.

[[Mo...]]

Magnolis and All,

I just called TEVA Pharm and talked to customer service.  They are NOT planning to discontinue manufacturing TEVA 2 mg Diazepam.  Currently, they are backordered but shipment will be released on April 3rd.  So Magnolis, it seems you were given misinformation by your pharmacist - perhaps Walgreens just could not get the TEVA because of the backorder, I do not know.  But I'm happy to report this for those of us that are still reliant on this generic brand.  Now, with the whole Corona thing and lack of ingredients, etc, that's a whole other mattter........

[[Ma...]]

Mom, that’s great news.  Thank you.

 

Val, the anxiety and terror is also with me always. That and the relentless fatigue are my main symptoms. I have a wheel of about 10 terrorizing fears. Each morning I wake up ( for the 4th time) to any particular one and the panic starts. I get a little relief in the evening. The fatigue and anxiety renders me useless BEFORE the covid. Now my main obsession is a shortage in the drug supplies. I need to also take a specific brand of sertraline which is made in India. They already said they are holding back drugs for their country. I also have to change genetics if diazapam. This is my current fixation.

I am blessed to have a saint for a husband that cooks, cleans and shops. I have adult children so no responsibilities there. I almost think having children with you forces a more survival mindset,

 

Val, you have been fully functional and I have no doubt you will power thru.i have been in awe of how functions you are.  Before Sept 1, I was an accomplished powerful woman. Now I’m a terrorized little child. My taper was a non issue, until I made the biggest mistakes of my life. Buddies talk

about the movies they watch, activities the are doing. I cannot do anything because I’m frozen in fear like never before. If I could just feel a breath of relief and safety, I would do so much better.

 

 

[[Mo...]]

Magnolis,

Since you are going to start liquid tapering again and you need to change generics, maybe you want to just consider moving over to Roxane/Westward liquid, if you are able to handle it.  Forgive me if you can't and have said so and I just do not remember.  Kitsune is having better luck with that than her homebrew.  Just a thought.  I'm so sorry to hear about the terror and the panic - I know it very well. And not being able to distract in almost any way.  Constant looping thoughts.

 

Many of us are very worried about the drug shortage.  My doctor is no longer meeting in person - we are doing phone appointments now.  I am going to ask for a 90 day supply.  Hang in there. 

[[Ma...]]

Thanks Mom,

 

You have 7 distractions. How do you manage this? Truly amazing.

I am going to keep with the home brew unless I have a problem with teva.

 

 

 

 

[[Mo...]]

I'm doing ok for now.  I just remember what you are describing, plus 50 other symptoms (burning everything, overstimulation, hypersensitive hearing, etc) from last summer/fall and then panic/anxiety and terror before that.  Things have been overall better, but not perfect, since my c/o from Klonopin to Valium.  Having 7 through w/d is far from ideal.  The guilt, the fear of not just what's gonna happen with me but with them can be overwhelming.  It can be a distraction, when not suffering from severe depression and inability to escape the horror one is experiencing; yet at the height of my withdrawal, I felt an overwhelming gush of love that I had not for a long time.  At the same time, they would overstimulate me to meltdown.  It's all very strange, just as everything benzo w/d is. 

 

 

[[Ma...]]

I cannot imagined that much stimulation when you were in the worst of it.  It seems like things are much better for you now.  I remember when you were worried you might not be able to live with them. You are a young woman with a lot of mothering years ahead of you!!!

[[Mo...]]

Yes, that was very scary and I know it still could go down like that but I'm trying not to think of it for now.  I'm almost 42 so not a Spring Chicken but my youngest is just turning 4 (oldest 18) so yeah, many years ahead.  Even still, it's hell no matter what, even if you don't have kids. 

[[Ma...]]

You are doing everything right. My fatal mistake was going too fast around 2 mg. Because I had an easy taper up to that point, I didn’t know the symptoms were wd until 2 months in. Damage done. So if you slow up around 2.5mg, you should have minimal problems. I went off course, and fell in the hole. .