I Look LIke Hell

[[os...]]

I´m ready for my close up............. NOT.  :laugh: :laugh:

 

Oscar

[[Ti...]]

Sexy and beautiful are the last things on my mind right now, but I can't wait to get it all back!!!  Right now it would just be nice to walk around not feeling like an exhausted, 90 year old zombie with the flu.    I did have the "looks" thing going on throughout HS and in my twenties--now in my 30's after 2 kids and benzo withdrawal it has gone downhill.  Hopefully my brain and body will be gorgeous again someday!!!  Ok, not hopefully---it WILL HAPPEN!!!! 

[[Re...]]

Man can I relate.  I live in sweats and baggy shirts, even ran into the store recently with my cheetah pajama pants on and didn't even care.  Hair is turning gray and can't weave it because I have been losing so much hair I am afraid I will lose it all.  Bad hair day most days and don't care about that either.  Thank god I have a husband that understands.  Can't wait to get back to caring and seeing me again.  I do get my nails done though cause my daughters pull me away and want me to enjoy something. 

 

Renny

[[su...]]

Miniminnie- heehee, I feel you dog:)  My looks went as soon as I started taking the stuff. I immediately gained 7 pounds, then with the wd, I gained another 7....I am bloated as all hell, my skin is so broken out, my face is pale, my skin is awful.  I never do my hair or make up, I have no money, hence no cute clothes, so I walk around looking like a complete bummmmm.  Somedays it gets to me when I have to see other people, BUT like zak, it is just the least of my worries, I want my life back, not my looks:)  I know how crummy this whole thing is, it strips us right don't to our core doesn't it?  I look at it as a general breaking down process, then building us back up to a better us.  Have you seen "You've Got Mail?"  Tom Hanks says (after being really rude to Meg Ryan). Do you ever feel like you have become the worst version of yourself? Hello, its Mr. Nasty!  Well, this is a for sure way to know we will never become that, because we are being forced to be our true self, and to be very honest and humble by all of this.  I would have to say its going to be pretty exciting on the other side.....sometimes I wonder, will I even know when I am better?  Will I even recognize it?  How will you know when you are better?  What will be different?  Will I remember these lessons I am learning, or will I take life for granted again?  Anyways, looks fade, they come back, I mean when your spirit is broken, you look broken because well, we are right now.  Beauty is skin deep right, well we are hurting, and it shows, but then when we heal, and are happy again, that will show too, and we will have our glow back:) 

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Sarah

 

Sarah,

 

I can empathize with so much you said!!  I used to be so thin and cute...but gained 30 lbs in w/d!  These are some of my favorite things you said in your message:

 

I look at it as a general breaking down process, then building us back up to a better us.

 

...its going to be pretty exciting on the other side.

 

Anyways, looks fade, they come back, I mean when your spirit is broken, you look broken because well, we are right now.  Beauty is skin deep right, well we are hurting, and it shows, but then when we heal, and are happy again, that will show too, and we will have our glow back:)

 

 

Great outlook!  We will heal and have our lives and our looks back.  And I don't believe we will ever take anything for granted again. 

 

A favorite quote:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain.  -Kalil Gibran

 

Sunny 

[[su...]]

I would like to announce that i just had a shower... i know, that´s too much but i strip washed for the past month.

 

I still look hung over to buggery.

 

All this healthy eating and drinking tons of water is not doing a damn thing. 

 

Oscar

 

Congrats!  I totally celebrate when I am able to shower.   

[Guest [...]]

ahahhah Oscar

 

Congrats on the shower you have achieved a major milestone.  Hey Tina you made me laugh Are you going to bring sexy back.  You made me think of the song Im bringing Sexy back.  Dont worry its neither here nor there in this long journey right.

 

Lucky i had lots of hair before i just got it cut and coloured and i asked the hairdresser how were things and she just said just needs some colour im like thank goodness if only a colour would fix it all.

 

 

hello Mini best thread on this place always good times.

 

Love Lizzy

[[Mi...]]

HI All,

 

Got out of my PJs just long enough to walk around the block.  That is my one productive thing today.  I've set myself a goal to do one each day.  Sometimes its just getting up.

 

Wanted to share that I have found a shampoo and conditioner that has helped my hair to not look so fried.  It is Jason's Restorative Bioten.  It is all natural and a big bottle that looks like it will last about 3 months cost $8.99.  It makes my hair soft and shiny without making it look flat and it smells nice too.  I had to give up all of the volumizers/thickeners as they made my hair like straw.

 

Jenny, I'm afraid I'll have to stand on the "vain too" side of the line with you.  Hello my name is MiniMinnie and I'm vain.

 

Oscar, good for you, lets celebrate your shower!  I would like to know exactly what "hung out to buggery" means but I think I can get the picture.

 

Sunnygirl, I love your Kahlil Gibran quote, it could be the motto for everyone going through this benzo mess.  And YES my girl Sarah has a great outlook and she always picks me up.

 

Rennysdream, YES we will get ourselves back again.  Keep going out and getting those nails done, something as simple as that can pick you right up.

 

TinaCA an exhausted 90 year old zombie with the flue, that describes me too!  Its gotta end soon right?

 

Spunky, you are right of course, bottom line in the overall grand scheme of things our looks aren't that important.  I guess it just gives us something to focus on and whinge about during all this mess.

 

Hey Lizzy, nice to see you here.  "Tuckshop arms"  What a word picture that conjures up.  I am sooooo glad you are sticking around.  This forum would have not been the same without you.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, hang in there.  Soon all this will be like a bad dream. 

 

MiniMinnie

[[Fl...]]

It's not permanent. I had a hard time assessing things like this when I was really sick but I always suspected that I looked older and worn down. Now that I am getting a lot closer to healing I am happy to report that I think I at least look normal. Actually, I think I look pretty good for my age if I do say so myself  . Hitting the weights and getting my diet in check has undoubtedly helped which is a really good reason to do what you can to exercise when you are able. I am willing to do just about anything to reclaim my confidence and self esteem at this point, and improving my appearance can do nothing but good in that department.

 

[[sm...]]

Mini- I too just got out of my jammies, and took a shower!!! Sometimes I go a couple of days in between:)  I think after lunch I will go for a walk:) Thanks for being my buddy!

[Guest [Ka...]]

Wanted to share that I have found a shampoo and conditioner that has helped my hair to not look so fried.  It is Jason's Restorative Bioten.  It is all natural and a big bottle that looks like it will last about 3 months cost $8.99.  It makes my hair soft and shiny without making it look flat and it smells nice too.  I had to give up all of the volumizers/thickeners as they made my hair like straw.

 

Hi Minnie

 

Well, it's been I month since I wrote on this thread last, and my hair is still thin and scraggly. You totally sound like me about the hair thickeners. been spending alot of money trying everything lately. I used one recently that had the consistency of paste. They all make my hair feel like straw. I honestly stopped washing it because it is so fine. If I do wash it, it feels/looks like a thin scraggly puff of fine cotton candy. My hair is down to my waist but there's really not alot of it anymore. The top is brown and the bottom is blonde. I really really need to color it so it will match but I'm just so afraid to lose anymore hair. I wish I knew if anyone else colored their hair and ended up losing more in w/d? When I do lose it, it's not long, it's short, leading me to believe it's just breaking off. I'm approaching 8 months out of a cold turkey. Honestly my hair doesn't look any better. It hasn't for at least 3-4 months now. I wish I knew what to do. I know some may think it's not as important in the whole scheme of things, but my hair was the only thing I felt I had left of my identity.

 

Since I really don't think washing it is making it any better (not much there to even wash), I've been exploring the world of leave-in conditioners. Just used something called Redken Anti-Snap that someone on another thread recommended. Doesn't feel like straw yet... It's a leave-in that's supposed to be loaded with proteins. Hoping for the best... A miracle, I guess. I'm just wondering if anyone else tried any good leave-in conditioners or treatments? I wonder if anyone else experimented with Biotin supplements too. I had them early on in w/d and stopped taking everything cause thought the B vitamins were making me worse. Now I read people in w/d are Biotin deficient? I'm trying the external remedies before the internal ones. Don't want to ingest anything that might compromise me, but I also want my hair back! I also wanted to tell you that I found your Jason shampoo at Vitacost.com - my absolute favorite site. (Plus you dont have to go to the store ) It's even cheaper on there than you mentioned too. Curious to try it. Has it made a drastic difference for you because of the biotin? I see they make thickening products as well.

[[Mi...]]

Hi Kate6,

 

Well count me as one who colors their hair.  I have colored mine for the last 20 years and that didn't seem to make a difference in how much I had, the only thing different recently has been benzo mess.  I have continued to color it despite all the hair loss.  I really don't think it is the coloring that does it, it is all a direct result of the toll benzos take on our body.  I would rather have thin blonde hair than thin mousy brown hair, yeah call me vain.  Yes, mine is breaking off instead of falling out.  I have all these short hairs sticking up everywhere.  So I have hopes it will all come back at some point. 

 

YES the Jason bioten shampoo and conditioner has made a difference for me.  My hair looks shiny and healthier and it doesn't seen to weigh down my already thin hair.  $6.00 at Vitacost, great!  It gets great reviews there too.  I have not tried the thickener.  I gave up the thickeners because they dried my fried hair even more.  I too  have tried the biotin capsules but I am convinced they revved up my symptoms more, so I don't take them any more.  Let me know how the Anti Snap product does.  I am always willing to try a product on the off chance it might be a miracle cure!

 

MiniMinnie

[[Ca...]]

I also am having hair issues. (as I already responded). My hair is much thinner due to hair loss. Good thing I had a lot to begin with. Went to FL a couple of wks ago and experienced my first scalp sunburn ouch!  My hair is very dark brown and I also color it to keep it that way. In addition to hair loss, my hair lacks luster and looks dead. (it is a great example of how I feel on the inside). Recently I got a Brazilian Blowout at the salon. It's a conditioning treatment that lasts for 10 wks & cost $175 american dollars. Expansive but sooo worth it. I saved my money and I'm so glad I did it. My hair looks SO much better. Highly recommended if u can somehow afford this.  Candy

[[...]]

I also am having hair issues. (as I already responded). My hair is much thinner due to hair loss. Good thing I had a lot to begin with. Went to FL a couple of wks ago and experienced my first scalp sunburn ouch!  My hair is very dark brown and I also color it to keep it that way. In addition to hair loss, my hair lacks luster and looks dead. (it is a great example of how I feel on the inside). Recently I got a Brazilian Blowout at the salon. It's a conditioning treatment that lasts for 10 wks & cost $175 american dollars. Expansive but sooo worth it. I saved my money and I'm so glad I did it. My hair looks SO much better. Highly recommended if u can somehow afford this.  Candy

 

Ouch, scalp sunburns are the worst aren't they? And I've always wanted to get a Brazillian Blowout! Every stylists I've had tells me it's not right for my hair. I guess it's too fine (even before this mess). I'm jealous!

 

YES the Jason bioten shampoo and conditioner has made a difference for me.  My hair looks shiny and healthier and it doesn't seen to weigh down my already thin hair.  $6.00 at Vitacost, great!  It gets great reviews there too.  I have not tried the thickener.  I gave up the thickeners because they dried my fried hair even more.  I too  have tried the biotin capsules but I am convinced they revved up my symptoms more, so I don't take them any more.  Let me know how the Anti Snap product does.  I am always willing to try a product on the off chance it might be a miracle cure!

 

Mini, I'd love to try this shampoo! I've never heard of Vitacost though, and don't think there's one near me. I have CVS, Walgreens, Sally's Beauty Supply, etc. Think they sell it there?

 

 

Well, since my last post here, the shedding has actually let up a bit and isn't AS straw like. Wohoo!! It's psyched me out like this before though, since it seems to go in cycles. My hopes aren't too high, but grateful for the last few decent hair days! Really hoping to have a good hair day for Easter!

 

My hair is even scarier without some color in it. I have blondish highlights and lowlights and I think having it colored helps. It's less limp and I seem to notice less shedding right after. My stylist recommended doing more lowlights this last time to keep it a bit healthier. I actually kinda like the darker blonde…it gave it some much needed depth I think. Also, since my last post here, I switched my Women's One a Day multi vitamin to a hair skin and nails one. It does have 3000mg Biotin, but not too many other B's, which is good because B6 and B12 are the troublemakers for me. I've taken it before, but that was right before my taper, so we'll see. I feel like I'm doing something at least!

 

Sending good hair vibes to everyone!!

[[Ch...]]

Ally,

 

Here it is on Amazon...a bit more pricey but available!

 

[nobbc]http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Cosmetics-Shampoo-Thin-To-Thick-Therapy/dp/B0000535UM[/nobbc]

 

Challis

 

edit to deactivate commercial link

[[...]]

Thanks, Challis! I'm going to try it out!

[[Mi...]]

Hi Ally!

 

I don't know what real stores you can get Jason's Restorative Bioten shampoo and conditioner.  It is at Vitacost.com for $6 and at Swansonsvitamins.com for the same price.  So glad your hair shedding has let up.  I think mine has too lately and am hoping it is because of the Jasons and my recovery but that might be wishful thinking.  I'm with you on the coloring.  I go every 4 weeks for highlights and lowlights and a trim.  During all this mess, it is the ONE appointment I have always summoned up the energy to make.  What does that say about me?  Here I am today in the middle of a huge wave and miserable and guess where I'm headed?  This awful mess has taken so much from me.  Coffee, wine, desserts, energy, confidence, social interaction, blah blah blah.  I'll be damned if its going to take away my hair appointment too.

 

MiniMinnie

[[...]]

Oh Minni, I'm so sorry you're feeling so terrible right now. I hope your window opens back up very soon. This is one roller coaster where my hands aren't in the air!

 

I had to chuckle at your post. I've cancelled quite a few appointments during this crap, but never a hair appointment. Not sure what that says about me either. But your'e right, this has taken just about everything, but not my hair appointments darn it!

 

Thanks for the info on the shampoo. Try to enjoy the pampering today. Hope things quickly turn around for you.

[[Ch...]]

Argh, Mini, I'm sorry you're still having these waves.  Seems so wrong for your short usage and certainly shows the extreme nature of this drug.  When you have waves, what w/d symptoms come back?

 

Hang in there, friend.  This will pass quickly, I'm sure. 

 

Challis

 

P.S. For the umpteenth time, thank you for bringing me here to BB...I am so very grateful.

[[no...]]

Miniminnie- I look like s--- too. I figure that's the least of my worries, though. I'm in survival mode right now. I think that when we start to feel better we will start to look better. Stay strong.

[[Ca...]]

Lol Minnie!

  When I read ur post I felt like I was reading something I wrote. Benzos have stolen so much from all of us. Maybe I'll start a thread on "what have benzos taken from u?"Benzos stole years from my life. They stole my children's mom. They stole a wife,daughter,aunt, cousin,friend and employee. They stole alcohol, coffee,processed food, exercise, vitamins, happiness, motivation, my slim body, clear skin, youthful looks, personality from me,F*#k benzos. They will NOT steal my hair appointments. I look so bad that i can not (sounds like I'm not alone) allow my hair to advertise how sick I am or how much I couldnt care less about the way I look.  My hair loss has decreased thank God.  Tnx 4 the vent Candy

[[La...]]

When I started  tapering I already looked and felt like hell, I had suffered an injury and could not use one arm , it was very difficult to do anything with my hair so I had it all chopped off and never had another thing done to it, it has gotten very thin on top and looks really awfull when wet, no swimming for me!, I know it was years of benzo use that ruined my hair but now, although not growing back, it does seem to be shinier and because its looking better it makes me feel better, I am able to blow it dry now too so I  have let it grow again. My nails, now thats another story, brittle and horrible, hoping once benzos are out of my system that they will improve to.

, I am waiting to buy some whole food vitamins from the shopping channel, its where they will be introduced to us here in Canada, they are supposed to be way better than synthetics, probably already have them in other countries, we are slow to follow suit in this country with anything good, but of course we are right up there with benzo RXs , I will look for some of the suggestions here for shampoos.

[[Mi...]]

Argh, Mini, I'm sorry you're still having these waves.  Seems so wrong for your short usage and certainly shows the extreme nature of this drug.  When you have waves, what w/d symptoms come back?

 

 

Hi Challis,

 

Everything is back.  I posted a "struggling" today.  Ataxia, palpitations, DP/DR, muscle twitches, nausea, my BP spiked to 160/100 last night and I had a horrible migraine type headache.  Also I couldn't sleep and thats a new one for me.    I haven't done anything differently!  Very discouraging.  Hope you are doing better than me!

 

MiniMinnie

[[Ch...]]

Everything is back.  I posted a "struggling" today.  Ataxia, palpitations, DP/DR, muscle twitches, nausea, my BP spiked to 160/100 last night and I had a horrible migraine type headache.  Also I couldn't sleep and thats a new one for me.    I haven't done anything differently!  Very discouraging.  Hope you are doing better than me!

 

Oh Minnie, I'm so sorry to hear that.  How very discouraging.  Hopefully this will pass very soon and you'll be back to the big wide windows you've had.

 

I haven't had severe symptoms since jump at .25 when you found me whimpering miserably on another site and directed me to BB.  Palps are gone, twitching is minor, headaches are dull, blood pressure is moderately high (155/85) but steady as far as I can tell.  I'm finding BP readings at home are not very accurate for me anyway.  Never have had DP/DR or nausea...yet.    But...I'm still tapering.

 

Hang tight, girl.  It will be okay.

 

Challis

[[Mi...]]

Lol Minnie!

  When I read ur post I felt like I was reading something I wrote. Benzos have stolen so much from all of us. Maybe I'll start a thread on "what have benzos taken from u?"Benzos stole years from my life. They stole my children's mom. They stole a wife,daughter,aunt, cousin,friend and employee. They stole alcohol, coffee,processed food, exercise, vitamins, happiness, motivation, my slim body, clear skin, youthful looks, personality from me,F*#k benzos. They will NOT steal my hair appointments. I look so bad that i can not (sounds like I'm not alone) allow my hair to advertise how sick I am or how much I couldnt care less about the way I look.  My hair loss has decreased thank God.  Tnx 4 the vent Candy

 

Candy, that's the beauty of this site.  You can come here and throw a real hissie fit and you will find many others who feel the same way.  YES start that thread probably it will go in Chewing the Fat and I'll bet you get scads of responses.  Just got back from my HAIR APPOINTMENT and immediately put on my PJ at 2 PM.  I am a dizzyheaded, depressed, apathetic mess, but at least my roots are not dark right now.  YAY for small victories!  Onward.

 

Nobeni, thanks for posting, yes we all will get through this somehow with our dignity if not our hair intact.

 

Challis, thanks for you encouraging words.  To use a phrase I have come to hate "It is what it is"  Can't believe I just wrote that.  I am more accepting of all these symptoms this time around.  Just having had them before makes me a bit less concerned about having them again.  Just a wee wee bit.  Okay not very much at all.  Glad things are on an even keel for you right now.

 

MiniMinnie

[[Mi...]]

Ladygrace, I hear you about the nails!  Before this I had strong healthy nails.  Now I have these horrible white streaks through them and they are splitting breaking and peeling very badly now.  I look like a nail biter!  I have taken to just using clear nail polish because no way I want to draw attention to them!  Glad your hair has improved, its small victories like this that keep us going.

 

MiniMinnie