Sleep Quality Tracker started by Antibenzo7

[[ni...]]

Justintime, you have been through  a lot on your benzo journey.  More of an terrible ordeal that you went through. 

Indeed the doctors spend so very little time with their patients.  Our fairly new primary care doctor sometimes hasn't a clue.  Right off of the bat he wanted to put me on antidepressants to help me sleep.  He wants to keep adding more drugs to my husband's already 10 meds he is on.  At one point I commented on who would care for him when I was no longer able to or gone. He didn't respond. 

 

Life is sometimes complicated when the doctors step in. 

 

Last night I slept a bare 2 hours.  My ears are ringing loud and clear this morning.  I feel like the morning wash.

 

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon adding more soil to the front raised flower bed. I managed to spread 5, 50 pound bags of Miracle grow potting soil in there. I need at least five more. Uff  The  dirt that was put in 7 years ago after the new bed was completed has packed down a good six inches.  I need a truck load of dirt, but decided not to go that route not knowing where the dirt would come from or what weeds would show up. 

 

Sleep well everyone.

NG

 

NG

 

 

[[Ro...]]

Good evening,

  Got 8 hours of sleep last night.  NG, is your ear-ringing from benzo withdrawal?  I have a high-pitched whistle in my ears since before my taper.

[[Ju...]]

We are all having tinnitus again, that's so strange. After I lost a bunch of sleep over the last few days, my ears were ringing all day long. I wouldn't say it was as bad as acute withdrawal, but pretty close. Also I lost several days worth of sleep over the last week, so I feel they were related somehow.

 

And yes I agree with what you said above, medicine and doctors complicate life. Same thing with illegal drugs, a drug is a drug I suppose. Our bodies were not meant to be putting foreign substances in our mouths and swallowing them like it's food.

 

At this point I've been through enough hell and back to know if something isn't organic, and if something is made on a conveyor belt, then it has no business in your body. Think about these mass produced pills, they literally put a bunch of synthetic stuff into a machine, and it pops them out into different shapes on a conveyor belt, and then people just swallow them. Doctors literally want you to think it's a magic pill that will magically make you better

[[Tr...]]

Hi,

 

Very interesting posts at the moment.  I can relate to so much that's being said. But I guess every single benzo victim can. Same awful poison pills, same story. The  biggest take aways are in my opinion: never take that stuff again and, most importantly: be grateful you got off and live to tell!

I try not to look back anymore but look ahead.

 

NG,  Sorry your sleep was that bad. It's going to get better again, like it always does.

Wow, unbelievable, moving 50 pound bags around like it's nothing. Don't overdo it ( look who's talking...)

 

My sleep was good. Last night about 7,5 hours with only one bathroom break.

 

I hope everyone has a wonderful Wednesday.

 

TS

[[ni...]]

Good morning all,

 

Justintime,  the ringing in my ears started the first week of my taper. I was maybe 4 days into chopping those pills down.  My life was spiraling down quicker than a storm drain during a flood.  A few weeks later, I found this site and went back up from .25mgs to .5 and held for a few weeks until I could glean enough information BB. From then on my taper was slow and with a jewelry scale.

 

The damage was done and the ringing is still with me.  It has stopped twice. Once in Iowa while visiting my mother and another time on a cruise.  The ringing did come back after I returned to Colorado.  The last few times I have been to Iowa, the ringing has not stopped.  Same with the last cruise.  Humm..go figure.

 

It does get a little less with better sleep and gets louder when I don't sleep as well.  It's not damage from loud noises, it is more of a brain thing.

 

Somewhere on BB there was a discussion, a few years ago,  concerning tinnitus from brain drug damage and noise damage.  One is in the ears and the other in the brain.  The comment was quite thorough and descriptive. 

 

Justintime, my thoughts about doctors and drugs has become less positive since my ordeal with benzos.  You said it very well and I agree. 

 

TS, we did live to tell our stories!  We really are survivors. 

 

I wore myself down dragging the bags from the garage to a jury rigged dolly my husband was good at fixing up, to make things work, over the years.  The board platform would slide out and so I spent a few minutes trying to get the bag and the board to "stay."  I then wheeled it up the one step of the front porch and to where the stone wall surrounding flower box is.  I pushed the bag against the 28 inch side of the wall and pulled it in.  I then took a pair of scissors and sliced the bag open, spilling the dirt into the flower box. From there I spread it around with a shovel or my foot. I was too busy and tired to go get a rake.

I had taken soil from two of the bags the last couple of years, so those I managed to drag from the garage and then lift over the wall. 

Don't be impressed!

 

Last night I took two hydroxyzine so I slept 7 hours and 30 minutes. 

 

I learned yesterday,  that a good friend of mine died the night of my mostly no sleep. 

 

NG

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Tr...]]

Hi NG,

 

Sorry to hear a friend of yours died. As we get older, this will happen more and more.

A cousin 's wife died last week. They were out for dinner when she dropped dead. Literally. Just like that, no medical issues. A stroke ended her life at just 72. We weren't close.

 

Another cousin has terminal cancer. She's getting worse real quickly.  We visited her a month ago.

Two aunts ( 95 and 97) are getting worse too.

 

I am impressed!  Just reading what you did made me feel exhausted.  Lol..

 

Glad you slept well. You were right to take 2 hydros!

 

Today I worked in the garden for almost 4 hours. Not in one go, mind you. Things are starting to look pretty!

 

Sleep well!

 

TS

[[Du...]]

Can someone share? I asked this before

 

I have the waking up hallucinations for almost 8 months. I will wake up to jumbled thoughts, flashback memories, images, voices ,random thoughts that my brain conjures. None of it is logical or sane. I'm very scared about this symptom, does anyone has this symptom? I'm very scared and hiding in bed, it's like my brain gone all crazy. It's getting worse. I'm losing my sanity due to this and all the other crazy symptoms I have. I'm bedridden as I'm physically sick ..all becos of short duration intake of these meds.

 

Please help. I've spoke to Angela Peacock too who asked me to hold on.please help. I'm ok with insomnia but not the above crazy symptom..

[[Ju...]]

Ducktales,

 

Sorry your experiencing those crazy wake-ups. I went through all kinds of delusions at first, I would get into weird arguments with my family and I would think everybody was against me. I didn't know if the government was plotting stuff on people, I felt like doctors were trying to force people to take pills. All of those thoughts start to go away with time, you start to think more clearly as the months go on. I'm still not 100% clear thinking on some days, but at least I know enough to live my life properly these days. Don't worry about it, what you are experiencing is common.

 

Nightengale, sorry about your friend. I lost a few friends over the last few years as well, mainly from drugs and alcohol unfortunately. Many of them were in their early 30s at the time, and the ones who died just happened to not be able to get off of alcohol, similar to how most people don't get off of benzos. I will never look at alcoholism the same after this benzo experience, because they are struggling just as bad as we are, it's just not as long of a process.

 

I went into my garden yesterday with the spring temperatures, everything is green now and most of the flowers have bloomed. We have a nice Garden overlooking the Puget Sound and all the boats going by, it's a cool place to just chill out and relax and forget about the problems of the world. I'm convinced that the plants and the vitamins and nutrients somehow get into our bodies and help, just from breathing in. Maybe the oxygen has little terpenes and flavonoids and nutrients that go into our bloodstream, I'm not sure.

 

I overdid it with walking around today, I was trying to exhaust myself so I can go to sleep tonight. I made myself too exhausted, and it gave me the opposite reaction and now I'm wide awake at midnight. It seems no matter what I try over the last week, I just can't sleep well.

 

I couldn't help but to think of the comment above about the cruises, there's also something about saltwater that helps. Sometimes I will go sit on the Driftwood down at the beach and just look at the Puget sound, and smelling the saltwater for about a half an hour usually changes my mindset and lowers my symptoms. I've had a few times where my ringing in the ears went away as well, mainly at night time and when I'm near the saltwater.

[[ni...]]

Good evening,

Ducktales, I also had delusions in the beginning. A lot of weird, inappropriate thoughts, loud explosions in my brain. There were probably others, but I am thankful I no longer remember.  I still have flashing video scenes in my brain that go away when I open my eyes.  Those happen when I am anxious and are infrequent.  Hang in there and know there are others on BB who have or are going through this, also.

 

Justintime, your view of Puget Sound is would be beautiful. Enjoy the peace of the garden, which is living and breathing. 

 

I am sorry you have lost a few friends recently.  Drugs and alcohol can be deadly.  Drug dependency/alcohol knows no bounds.

 

TS. life is short and those we know and love are passing on.  The cousin's wife's death was incredibly sudden. 

 

The four hour time spent in the garden sounds quite nice.  It is good to not do it all at once.  I can imagine everything does look very pretty and spring like!

 

Today I went to Costco and bought four more 50 pound bags of potting soil. Am I crazy or what!

When I went through the door check, I asked for assistance to put the bags in my car.  A friendly young man lifted them easily into the back of my CRV.  I commented that I had to put them in a flower box bed and how I had been doing it.  He suggested I pull a wagon to the back of my car, pull the top of the bag over the wagon and cut it open and shake it in to the wagon. 

Humm..I had no wagon, but I did have a trash can on wheels, so I brought that to the back end of my car, pulled a bag over the trash can, cut the bag open and poured it in.  I wheeled the trash can over, tipped it over the side of the flower box and was done.  I could do a 100 bags!

 

That wonderful fellow made my day and saved me a ton of work. 

 

Last night I slept around 7 hours.  Not the best night, but quite okay.

 

Have a great Friday everyone.

 

NG

 

 

[[Ro...]]

Good evening,

  I got 7 hours + a 1-hour nap.  Not much new in my neck of the woods.  Hope everyone is doing fine..

[[Du...]]

I have 5 hrs sleep , no sleep drive, just shut my eyes and it dozed off after a long long time. Do u guys have sleep drive or feel sleepy?

 

Went to the neurologist today for benzo brain headache and tension, as usual, he said it's my anxiety and if I don't take his antidepressants I will not get better. Still used a condescending tone and suggested I see a psychologist for everything.

 

I'm suffering everyday, nerve pain, head tension, breathing problems, bizarre list of mental symptoms. No improvement. Will I ever heal? I'm getting insane already

[[Tr...]]

Hello BB people,

 

Ducktales,  so happy you got 5 hours of sleep.

 

In the depths of my benzo taper I had extreme anxiety.  I felt I was dying. Paxil literally saved my life. So an antidepressant could be the answer in your case too.

There are/were people here on BB with over 80 symptoms,  one even worse than the other. They all improved a lot eventually. So please hang in there. Things do get better with time. Perhaps you could search on BB and maybe find people to relate to. There's lots of other topic groups. Stay strong!

 

NG,  you meeting that nice person was meant to be. Glad your job was made a lot easier thanks to him. But still I would advise against you doing another 100 bags! And no, your not crazy! 

Glad you slept some 7 hours.

 

RnR, good show! Keep it up.

 

My sleep has been OK  lately.  Some 7 hours of good sleep.

 

I took a day off from gardening yesterday  or so I had planned. Because of the predicted rain on Friday I did mow the lawn.

 

Enjoy your Friday everyone.

 

TS

[[ni...]]

Good evening,

 

R&R, good to hear you are still getting sleep. The 7 plus a nap is nice.  I did the same last night and today with an interesting dream while I napped. 

 

Ducktales, you are having a difficult time.  Hopefully you start feeling better soon.  Healing does take time. 

The nerve pain I had did finally go away along with so many other symptoms.  Taking one day at a time helped. 

 

TS, I went back to get three more bags today.  The fellow who helped me yesterday was there today, so I shared with him how well his suggestion went. He was happy to hear that. 

 

Your sleep went well, also.

 

The freshly mowed lawn sounds wonderful Summer is not far off. 

 

I slept 7 hours plus an hour nap today.

 

NG

 

 

[[Du...]]

Thanks you guys are so nice

 

I slept about 6 hrs.

 

I'm feeling increasingly worried, I have no sleep drive, head pressure and tension  worsening with random words/thoughts and all mixed up. It's getting all haywired. I'm feeling terribly sick, and lay in bed. Are the worsening signs prove that the brain is working at repairing or more damage is done?

 

I'm at polydrugged victim, put on these drugs for anxiety. Sorry to hijiack this thread. The types of things my brain is doing is beyond words.

[[Tr...]]

Good day all,

 

DT,  try to look at it all like this: your brain and body making repairs.  Both are unbelievably strong.  Like NG said: take it one day at a time.

 

NG,  Be good to others and others will be good to you. You and the young man arecliving proof of that.

Your sleep and nap sound great.

 

My sleep was good,  over 7 hours. Before waking up I had a lovely dream. Makes for a nice change. I woke up laughing out loud.

 

Have a pleasant weekend.

 

Trochsetter

[[Ro...]]

Good afternoon,

  Got 6 hrs sleep plus a 1.5 hr nap.  Took me a while to get to sleep. Sunny and warm day today.

[[ap...]]

Thanks you guys are so nice

 

I slept about 6 hrs.

 

I'm feeling increasingly worried, I have no sleep drive, head pressure and tension  worsening with random words/thoughts and all mixed up. It's getting all haywired. I'm feeling terribly sick, and lay in bed. Are the worsening signs prove that the brain is working at repairing or more damage is done?

 

I'm at polydrugged victim, put on these drugs for anxiety. Sorry to hijiack this thread. The types of things my brain is doing is beyond words.

Sorry to cut in-

 

Literally the only thing that will ease that tight tension in the frontal part of my head is 25mg Benedryl- lowest dose possible 50mg sometimes

 

I also bout a thing for migraines (which i dont get) but you keep in freezer- I will put that over my head and the cold helps so much- it lasts about 20 minutes and i just put back in frezzer next day=

 

I can send Amazon link if your intrested

 

[[ni...]]

apaulo13,

great suggestions for Ducktales.  Hopefully something you did will help with the tight head tension/pressure.  Feeling terribly sick is horrible. 

 

R&R, 6 hours plus the 1.5 hour nap is great. 

 

TS, 7 hours with a  lovely dream sounds nice.  Waking up laughing is the best part!!

 

I slept 7 hours.

 

Today is beautiful out, so I did some more work outside.  Son came over to turn on the sprinkler system as well as the evaporative cooler. 

He and his wife put one more bag of soil in the flower bed and raked it smooth. 

I was happy for the help! Now to plant some flowers in the nest few weeks. 

 

NG

[[Du...]]

I have about 7 hrs of sleep but still have the wake up non stop images , hallucinations and jumbled thoughts when I shut my eyes.

 

Anyone had this symptoms and know wat causes it?

[[Ju...]]

I got about 7 and a half hours last night, but it was divided into three sections. Recently I've been going to bed at about 10:00 p.m., and then waking around 10:30 p.m. I will stay up for about 3 or 4 hours and eat some food, and then I'll go back to sleep for another couple hours. When I wake up around 11:00 a.m., I eat some food and take a shower again, and then go back to sleep for the remaining half hour or so.

 

My family has been in town so I've been forcing myself to stay up whether it's uncomfortable or not, and forcing myself to go out and go for boat rides and check out the islands whether I like it or not, and go to the zoo and aquarium whether I like it or not. It seems to work, but it's extremely uncomfortable and painful. But whenever I start seeing animals and wildlife and nature and experiencing water and plants and all that our Earth has to offer, it makes all of the pain seem like nothing.

 

The weather here was good as well, we even broke an all-time high of 78° in april, which is unheard of here in the Pacific northwest. We're supposed to go back to the 50s and 60s during the day and low 50s at night for the remainder of the month. If the last couple days were an indication of this summer, then we're going to have major melting of the glaciers in the mountains here. The white snow cap of the mountains has been slowly disappearing each summer over the last couple years here.

 

Whenever I'm out in the wilderness and checking out wildlife and mother nature, it makes me wonder how did we end up in this government and big Pharma predicament in the first place? Whoever thought it was a good idea to tell human beings to put synthetic chemicals in their bodies? And what was the purpose? Seems to me that it was all about control the whole time, trying to get people to work when they shouldn't be working. Maybe this country would be better off if they gave people time off when they weren't feeling well, instead of forcing them to feel well only to put them out of work for several years later on.

 

All I know is I'm starting to have a huge problem with the United States of america, it seems that our country is backtracking into the Medieval ages again. We got rid of lobotomies, only to make people insane on Pharmaceuticals instead. We had progress with people's rights, only for people to start losing them again. And now whenever I go to a therapy appointment and talk about all the benzo injury that I experienced because of big pharma, they call it a societal problem and say that it's part of life, when in fact it's not even a single part of life whatsoever. Never throughout history has synthetic chemicals been part of life, so I'm not sure why it's being normalized now.

[[ni...]]

Good morning all,

Ducktales, I am sorry you are going through so much.  This happens during withdrawal and recovery, but I do not know why.  Perhaps someone on here can enlighten us.

 

With time, the hallucinations and jumbled thoughts went away.  I less frequently have the images flashing by, but when I open my eyes it stops.  When I close them again, the images don't come back, until another time.

 

One of the reasons I had to stop going to success stories is because I was still suffering past many of the commenter's time lines.  I felt I was a lost cause and would never recover.  Mostly I am recovered, but my sleep is still not "normal." I wake up time and time again throughout the night and sometimes lie awake for an hour or two.  Probably this how it is. 

 

Justintime, I read your comment from beginning to the end. It was very well written and so very true.  How did we end up this way with everything that is going on? Money perhaps is what drives everything.  That's just my thoughts.

 

Like you, I am wary of synthetic chemicals going in to my body.  My father died at 51 from a enlarged rheumatic heart, which was caused by strep throat, followed by rheumatic fever when he was two years old.  I was so incredibly sad when he died all because there were no antibiotics when he was two.  I made up my mind to have my children and myself vaccinated and treated with antibiotics.   

 

When it comes to some mind altering drugs, I am wary.  Because of my age and maybe the time I took benzos and Ambien, I feel my brain does have some damage to the gaba receptors that will never grow back normally.

 

Many people are alive today because of synthetic chemicals so there are positive benefits to these drugs. 

 

As far as benzos are concerned, my thoughts are they should not be given outside of a hospital setting. 

 

Last night I slept 7 hours and 33 minutes.  I felt like it was less and woke up for a time. Listened to several sleep hypnosis talk downs and finally found one that calmed my thoughts and put me back to sleep. 

 

My body is sore and I am tired from all of the outside work.  There is more to do, but today I just got the lawn mower ready for the college girl down the street,  who mows our lawn.  Summer brings much to do, but I do enjoy the flowers and vegetable garden, so it is worth the time and effort.

 

NG

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[[Ju...]]

I agree, my dad takes a blood thinner and beta blocker for his heart, for afib. They say he may have a stroke if he misses it, do some things have a purpose. As far as psych meds, I'm not so sure anymore.

 

I'm glad you are enjoying the garden, I was outside in mine for a while today. We took a boat ride to West Seattle earlier and had some organic Hawaiian food and enjoyed the salt air and cool breeze, made my symptoms go away temporarily, or at least made me forget them temporarily.

 

My sleep is still way off, but I'm not fighting it anymore. I find the less I fight it, the better I sleep. There is no solution until healed, so I might as well make the best of what I've got. I think that applies to everything in life, whether family or finances or health or whatever else, do the best you can before your time is up.

[[ni...]]

Good evening,

 

Justintime, glad your dad is taking meds for afib. Yes, some things have a purpose.  Not sure about psych drugs either. 

 

The boat ride sounds nice, along with the with the organic Hawaiian food. The cool breeze and the salt air sounds wonderful.  We spent many vacations at my sister's beach house on the outer banks of North Carolina.  I wanted to buy a beach house there, but the distance from Colorado was too much, so gave up that idea.  I love the calling of the ocean.

 

Not fighting the sleep patterns sounds good.  It works well to accept the things we cannot change. 

 

Last night I slept 6 hrs and 55 mins.  I felt okay this morning.

 

NG

 

[[Tr...]]

 

Hi,

 

NG,  Glad your sleep was good the last couple of nights.

 

My sleep wasn't any good last night. My body was sore and I just couldn't find " my spot" to unwind and fall asleep. Woke up humpty times. So I didn't feel rested. But, as usual,  a warm shower and breakfast did a world of good.

 

No gardening today. Seeing my aunt this morning and a friend this afternoon.

 

Hope everyone is going to have a great day.

 

TS

[[Ju...]]

I would take Colorado over the Outer Banks anytime. I grew up on the coast of North Carolina, and while it might look good in pictures and for a short stay on a vacation, it's miserable in the summertime. Sometimes it gets to about 110° heat index, and it gets slammed with hurricanes every year. But the worst part to me was all of the roaches and house pests, they called them palmetto bugs there but they are flying roaches with wings. The other issue is the flooding, and the politics. Most of the outer banks are being swallowed up by the ocean, it's already lost several homes to the water.

 

Anyways, I also lived a good part of my life in Western North Carolina in the Appalachian mountains, at least there are peaceful rivers and mountains and waterfalls and lots of forest up there. The coast of North Carolina is a hot sweltering humid mess, and anything south of it as well.

 

I'm glad you guys are getting good sleep, mine is still really weird. I keep taking a short nap around 10:00 p.m., thinking that one day I will sleep through the night. Instead I wake up about an hour later and then I'm up until the morning, and then I sleep again until the afternoon.