18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

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Sstory: My life is better. No anxiety, Benzo-flu or bedridden. You know all horrible symptoms in Benzo-hell.

I can be among people, and I'm not scared. No anxiety if I meditate. But I'm weak, inner vibrations and stress are my enemy. So my sensitive nervous system is my biggest problem.

 

Maybe my first window? I don't know. Mornings are bad, and we all hate them. When I wake up, I have always said: "Another day in hell". But no longer. But in front of the mirrow I'm screaming: "What happened these 40 months? So old!" But I don't care.

 

How are you?

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When did it get better where life was easier? I’m 27 months and recently gotten a lot worse. I was doing ok last fall but hit 2 years and it’s been a struggle.

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Sstory: I'm so sorry, that you still are suffering in month 27. But you have the time on your side, and that's positive!

 

My diary month 37: I thought, that it always was winther. Boots, and winther clothes everywhere. But not now! I no longer need to "crawl to the bathroom". Still very sensitive, but I could laugh!

 

Month: 39: I saw the sun, and heard the birds. And listen to my favorites, hardrock. Finally! Sugar was no problem.

 

So my first sign was that I wasn't so weak, and I could laugh.

 

So I hope, that you feel better soon!

 

Anna

 

 

 

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I'm wondering if any people in this thread have considered other medications. I'm nowe 14 months off and struggling very bad with fearful thoughts, depression, anger like I've never experienced before. My sleep is still pretty lousy. Also, I have some physical symptoms and bad vision. Has anybody tried other medications during this long process, and if so, what were the results? At what point should someone seriously consider trying something else? The anger I have is otherworldly and it's starting to really scare me.

 

I've never taken SSRIs in the past. The only things I've taken long term are Klonopin and Ambien.

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Gabapentin helped me the first time.

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How was your experience with the gabapentin? Were you able to wean off it without any problems?

 

I'm not trying to stir up controversy here at all, just asking questions to people who are further along than I and still struggling.

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I came off Gaba 18 months after my detox. It was a little challenging but NOTHING like a benzo or Remeron which was a monster to me. However, I was in a tailspin in early WD when I dabbled with Remeron.

 

Gabapentin and Tegretol gave me little issues. Just depends how sensitized you are.

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I just tried acupuncture . What a mess  :'( All my symptoms are revved up . I only got one hour of sleep last night .

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Oh no. Ive heard some positives about Acupuncture brave rabbit. Brave of you to try though  . I tried clinical hypnotherapy with a trained clinical psychologist and that actually helped a bit for a month or two. She would do psychology chats and then isolate bad memories and experience that cause you to freeze, usually around the anxiety - then she would try to hypnotize you out of it. A doctor friend of mine and I are fascinated with hypnotherapy as a field at the moment because its got some very promising cross over evidence in mainstream science. Ive started doing these self talking sentences like after anxiety and its actually helping i notice - thank you pinky, I realise there is a reason to be anxious and I appreciate you letting me know, but i already have a plan in place to address this and so the anxiety is not helpful.

 

The idea of talking to myself like this and it actually working would have seemed ludicrous to me years ago but ive been researching this stuff for a while now and this stuff seems to actually help. For the more analytical skeptics types theres a good book about this now im reading called the Master and His Emissary which goes over two decades of neuroscience research to explain the relationship between the hemispheres. The detail oriented left hemisphere notices everything but it needs to be regulated by the whole-oriented right hemisphere which takes all the inputs in and reacts as a whole. Telling the left hemisphere what to do out loud i think is something akin to like trying to directly steer the right brain to action and make it regulate more.

 

Either way its helping me and ive actually found very little that actually works during this whole ordeal. 3 things that have worked for me: human contact (make sure you get this), or pets whatever - we need human contact/socializing in a very holistic way, this is hard to acknowledge for me because im quite introverted, but i force myself out to a dinner party or social gathering at least once a month/once a fortnight, two hands over the sternum one over another (stimulates some primitive calm down response), and this self talking. Other than that only time helps, imho

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Intrusive thoughts, how long it took to went away from you?

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Anyone hit 2 years and be worse still st almost 28 months?  I’m frustrated because so many said withdraw but this is getting really bad. It sounds like most are getting better times at this point.

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Anyone hit 2 years and be worse still st almost 28 months?  I’m frustrated because so many said withdraw but this is getting really bad. It sounds like most are getting better times at this point.

 

Yes definitely heading 27 months in a week and the waves are very strong, but the good news they are never long lasting. Most of the time an hour to max few hours. Some days are definitely better than others. Still hard to motivate myselve, but in between those wave I can feel completely normal. So strange!! But I am still discouraged when in a wave hits. We move on, still fighting and battling the benzo monster. Damn what a long and frustrating road.

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I’m just worse now I was able to travel 6 months ago now each day is awful terrible fear every morning and akathesia.

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Bizarre as it seems fellow time warp buddies  our non-linear stuck in the mud / everything feels like we are getting worse and not better stage of recovery is entirely benzo crazy normal . I have read many success stories where  buddies give accounts of severe and appallingly distressing  setbacks not long before final recovery .  Dr Jennifer and Baylissa were both hit with this madness . I really believe that this Hell  is the final tweaking or as Dr Jen puts it ' Deep Healing '  .

So my fellow warriors I say this to you . Yes it sucks  . We are literally sick and tired of it all but we are not quitters . We have endured and we have lasted and good on us for doing that . We are brave beyond belief and we are in the fight ( which we are winning , and don't ever forget it ) until the end. And I believe that for most of us in our time frame the wonderful day is almost here.

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Thank for the encouraging words. I agree, every setback feels worse than before,  every month feels like it's worse. I'm not sure why our brains do that. I'm at 37.5, and today is bad. Ijust finished crying. I feel like I'm grieving for my old life. I didn't sleep, the rain just finally quit, and I am not able to do anything for pain and exhaustion. This feels worse than ever.

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Brave Rabbit I agree, we are stronger than ever. And we can be very proud!. Days, weeks, months go by. People marry, get promoted, maken new friends etc etc (so we will). I am “living” life right now, no matter how bad it is. I refuse to let dictate my life any longer. We will be happier than ever.

 

Stay strong everybody! 

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Oh Brave Rabbit thank you so much for this powerful message!  This sure is Hell, but it means Deep Healing  It's hard to believe but we have to keep telling ourselves what our minds can't compute. Nothing of this makes any sense, just look at everybody's experiences, no two are the same even when people were on the same drug for the same length of time,  nothing is supposed to make sense... we have to trust those who have been there before us, healing happens. Even when it feels like we are stuck, not progressing, going backwards, up and down, in loops or whatever other way... it makes sense but not to us, our brains do have a plan in fixing this. We just have to keep going 💪

 

Hopehope, I love your attitude. I know, it feels like everything is on hold and against us right now, but we know what we are dealing with, we can let ourselves be beaten up by our bad fate or decide to rise against the odds and face life no matter how shitty it is right now. Because it will make us stronger - and you never know, you might even open a door for you leading onto somewhere better...

 

...just a week ago, I started doing yoga again at home. I'd written it off about a year ago because I seem to remember I'd feel too mentally restless on my mat. Plus, I couldn't summon up any motivation to get started. But last Sunday, I wanted to try again, seeing how bad my muscles had been wasting. And I kinda surprised myself. I didn't seem as restless as what I remember from a year or more ago, and I even got a tiny bit of satisfaction after doing 15 minutes. I wasn't able to stay in savasana (lying down for a few minutes after the practice) but I did a yoga YouTube video again the following day, and the next, and the next... building up to 25/30 minutes of yoga daily for the past 8 days. I don't know if there's any true change in the way I feel, or whether I'm pushing more against discomfort... but the fact is that I'm doing I wasn't able to do a year ago. Yoga is something which is very probably beneficial in many other ways than just muscle strengthening and passing time... I won't go as far as saying that it will speed up healing, but I don't think it can hurt. So again, I don't know if there is any progress or whether I'm coping better... or perhaps both? My point is that when things get that little bit easier, one can push a little harder and realise that the blanket of sxs is breaking at the seams, light shines through the cracks... no matter how small those cracks... just think of cracks in a frozen lake - would you go walking on that ice? ... healing happens, my friends, let's keep going, hand in hand 💕

 

Warm healing hugs!

Julz x

[[Kl...]]

Here is a good post for those who seem misinformed about Jen Leigh.

 

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/uncategorized/putting-the-rumors-to-rest/

 

 

[[NY...]]

Here is a good post for those who seem misinformed about Jen Leigh.

 

https://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/uncategorized/putting-the-rumors-to-rest/

 

Thanks for passing this along, Klungo.  Hope you and all buddies here are feeling well, or noticing signs of improvement. 

 

I was in a wave the past few days that felt like I'd traveled back in time, but today I see that it was happening for a reason - the symptoms truly are what healing feels like.  Yup, even though I've been at this now for 4.5 years, I still find that hard to believe when I'm enduring tough symptoms .

 

Best to all,

WR

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Hey guys I haven't checked in with you all in a while and I wanted to report back in after my trip. I was SO scared to go honestly because I was terrified that it would cause horrible problems and I wouldn't be able to enjoy a second of it. How wrong I was.

 

It was one of the best trips of my life and I am so incredibly happy I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. My husband and I drove from San Diego to Minnesota for my best friend's wedding where I was a bridesmaid and we stopped in Las Vegas, went into casinos and had fun (no drinking just yummy food) Utah, Colorado (so pretty I want to live there some day or at least go snow boarding) Nebraska, Iowa and then Minnesota and then back again a few days later. It was magical and I felt so much better than I could have ever hoped for.

 

A change of scenery and getting outside of my sad little apartment that constantly reminded me of withdrawal made a big difference. I actually danced at the wedding for hours, reconnected with old friend and felt relatively normal. I haven't even checked benzo buddies since before I left for the trip, this past month I have seen healing in action, I do believe in healing again, I have days and hours where a wave will hit, like today, I'm about to start my period tomorrow and shit always hits the fan before that but after returning home my whole outlook changed, I actually felt joy and happiness. I started to look forward to things again, I've been getting out of the house and reconnecting with old friends, going to movies and out on date nights and food adventures with my husband, he said it's the most normal he's seen me be in years in terms of being able to exercise and be motivated to do things like clean and plan vacations for when I feel even better.

 

I am praying this wave I'm in right now doesn't last long but even if it is does I know now that healing can happen and yes it takes so F*cking long but it eventually will happen for us all. I love you all, we will never be rewarded for this battle we are fighting or compensated the millions of dollars we are owed by big pharma and our psychiatrists who prescribed us this poison but we are warriors through and through and we will come out of this the strongest we've ever been, fearing nothing and being in constant gratitude for the simplest of pleasures in life, there is magic and wonder in every day and we will all get there in time. 

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Good to hear from you Songbird, that sounds promissing :-)!

 

I know the hourly trend as well. Some days are still crap as hell, some days start crap but in general it’s start to develop for the better. Every 3 months I see progression. Slow very slow progress.

 

I go back to baseline pretty fast, but still go back to acute acute some days / hours. Hopefully the next 3 months are even better. Keep up posted. I am nearing 28 months soon. Take care!

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I am struggling today so badly. I’ve been in hell for over a week now. Last Friday I went out to dinner with friends then hung out until late, the next day I went to a chili cook off and walked about six miles and went to Pilates. Then PMS hits and I felt like I was back in acute, so horrific. The minute your in a wave you forget how great you felt before, it’s so tragic. I don’t want to die but at the same time this feeling is horrific and I feel useless. My husband is my rock usually but this morning he made me feel kind of pathetic for not being able to drive to the airport to pick up my parents on my own.

 

Driving is still hard for me and I don’t like being alone, that and scary thoughts are my two symptoms left and some blurry vision now and then. I just want my life back, I can’t stop crying this is so bad, please give me some encouragement to keep going

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Songbird you are one of the bravest people on these boards . We all know the sensation of feeling almost normal and then the proverbial hitting the fan with the usual mess and discord . It can feel like groundhog day and it all is beyond unfair . So have a little pity party because sometimes we all need to do that ,  and then pick yourself up and as the song goes ' Start all over again ' .

 

Hugs from your bunny friend. 

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Thank you brave rabbit you are sweet, it’s definitely hard to go from having three good weeks amid feeling 75% to then being in hell again. I am praying one day this will all end and I will be healthy again. It’s the most horrible journey I think anybody can ever go through

[[Vi...]]

I always come here and somehow when I see people struggling I feel bad but same time I feel not alone in this horrible journey.

I’m past 3 years now and started acupuncture in April... now after 3 months of treatment every week, I’m getting better and for a few days after treatment I feel 50-60% better. Then back to acute.

I still have to watch what I eat... can’t eat any high histamine or high glutamates food. No sugar or gluten coffee. Still can’t exercise or do yoga what I loved before..

For 3 years I was asking God to take me bc I can’t take the pain and anxiety anymore... but now I’m asking him to heal me. I think is a huge improvement.

We will heal, we have to keep fighting and never give up.

Love you all

Vica