18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

[[Be...]]

Songbird127,

 

I definitely remember you! It must be you!

 

Did you post in a similar forum (or maybe this one, but now it looks completely different) about benzo recovery back 2009-2011? You were my rock on one of the instant messaging apps back then, I believe it was ICQ.

 

You're looking for support? Well, I completely healed and was clean for 6 years during which I taught English to children and adults You helped me a lot!

 

Now I have it far worse, but I'm confident I can do it again.

 

Do not discourage, for you are brave, and have helped so many people with their recoveries. Please PM me, if you recognize me. I used to be called HopeRemains (I think).

 

Otherwise, I'll monitor this thread and try to give as useful advice as possible to repay the kindness and patience you had with me 

 

You're amazing, don't you ever forget that!

 

Best regards,

BenzoMutant

[[So...]]

Hi benzo mutant, wow I wish that was me that could claim to have helped you back then but sadly it was not, I was 17 back in 2009-2010 and hadn’t touched a Benzo at that time. I am so happy to hear that you healed for a while and I am so sorry you find yourself back in this hell again but I am so confident that you will heal again. Thank you for the kind words and I send you love and more healing.

 

Songbird127,

 

I definitely remember you! It must be you!

 

Did you post in a similar forum (or maybe this one, but now it looks completely different) about benzo recovery back 2009-2011? You were my rock on one of the instant messaging apps back then, I believe it was ICQ.

 

You're looking for support? Well, I completely healed and was clean for 6 years during which I taught English to children and adults You helped me a lot!

 

Now I have it far worse, but I'm confident I can do it again.

 

Do not discourage, for you are brave, and have helped so many people with their recoveries. Please PM me, if you recognize me. I used to be called HopeRemains (I think).

 

Otherwise, I'll monitor this thread and try to give as useful advice as possible to repay the kindness and patience you had with me 

 

You're amazing, don't you ever forget that!

 

Best regards,

BenzoMutant

[[Be...]]

Thank you immensely for your kind words, Songbird127 

 

We'll all heal with perseverance and hope 

 

Best wishes,

BenzoMutant

[[Ho...]]

Guys I just want to share that I had a meeting at work with multiple customers on 1 table and it went almost perfect. It was very rough untill 10 o’clock and almost fine untill 21 o’clock. Now it’s rough again, but those windows are heaven on earth. Laugh, enjoy making jokes. But there are always moments where it sucks again, at least so so much better than couple of months ago. Still a road to go. I am pleased to have good distraction at work. Hopefully the next few months will even bring more window moments.

 

Stay positive everybody!

[[Be...]]

That's fantastic,

Hopehope.

 

It probably always feels like a miracle when it HAPPENS, a good normal part of the day. Wish you more of that coming to you 

 

Kind regards,

BenzoMutant

[[bu...]]

I always come here and somehow when I see people struggling I feel bad but same time I feel not alone in this horrible journey.

I’m past 3 years now and started acupuncture in April... now after 3 months of treatment every week, I’m getting better and for a few days after treatment I feel 50-60% better. Then back to acute.

I still have to watch what I eat... can’t eat any high histamine or high glutamates food. No sugar or gluten coffee. Still can’t exercise or do yoga what I loved before..

For 3 years I was asking God to take me bc I can’t take the pain and anxiety anymore... but now I’m asking him to heal me. I think is a huge improvement.

We will heal, we have to keep fighting and never give up.

Love you all

Vica

 

Vica, You are not alone in this journey.  I suffered a major wave around 22 months. Somehow I became more sensitive to everything! I was eating a more Paleo style diet for a while and doing ok, but now I flare with those foods . I too have had to really watch the same foods as you, low histamine and glutamate, no sugars at all even from some fruit. I keep having waves within this big wave like I am kindling. Seems like I keep hitting my system with something then spending weeks to recover.  But healing is SLOWLY happening.  I'm not in as much pain, anxiety, depression, insomnia as a few months back. But still has me couch bound sadly. I too am trying to focus on healing, but sometimes those intrusive thoughts creep in and all I want is for God to take me too.  But praying for healing is better! Yes lets keep fighting.

 

benzomutant, so sorry you are going through this again this far out. I pray that your healing will happen sooner this time. Hugs

 

Hopehope, Indeed good news.  You are about a month or two in front of me in this wave.  We are all different in our healing, but you continue to give me hope (no pun intended)

 

Butterfly65

 

Butterfly65

[[Ho...]]

Thank you bufferfly & benzo mutant, it can change quickly but better moments are more often. This huge wave is definitely one of the hardest in the whole journey. May be because we are getting used to suffering. Can you get used to it? Well after almost 28 months it become part of me lifr. It’s difficult for sure! Still. But we seem to forget how bad things where. Switch between good and bad is like day and night. Unpredictable! I remember how hopeless I was, which is definitely not in comparison with now. The term “good” is bad for a normal person. That’s the crazy thing.

 

Moving forward to a more peacefull life. Hugs for all the warriors!

[[Ho...]]

Hey everybody! How’s everyone doing?

 

I am reaching the point that I am officially out of this thread. Can you believe this!

I am currently in a very big wave for almost 2 weeks now. Before that I had some better weeks. Waves do focus on a specific nerve group and seem to resolve than. Today it’s more quiet, but having said that it’s very though lately. Reaching month 29 in couple of weeks. The positive side is my own house, full time job and the fact that I am dating again with some positive results .

 

So generally, life is moving on but still sucks many times of the day /week.

 

The rollercoaster continues!

 

 

[[ea...]]

McS,.

For reasons I wont go into I cannot Pm you. But I did find you here. I can understand your worries and fears. Some of us are just really slow to heal from benzos. I never had windows or waves but that is what it sounds like you are having right now. Its easy to wonder if you really will fully heal. All I can tell you is that I did, even if it took three darn long years My healing was incredibly slow and I always doubted I would fully heal. Symptoms began to subside, or just go away, but SO slowly. Like you I really doubted I could heal.

But I sure did. Its been 7 years now and I am SO much healthier now and no longer depressed or even very anxious. I sleep fine too.

 

Now is a good time for you to go back to the basics of distracting yourself, positive self talk or mantras. Whatever helped you get through all these months...start going back to them now. I do believe that everyone can and does heal. But for some its a very slow and painful journey. Please don't give up because you have hit a rough patch. It does get better.

east (Annie 2)

[[pi...]]

Hey everybody! How’s everyone doing?

 

I am reaching the point that I am officially out of this thread. Can you believe this!

I am currently in a very big wave for almost 2 weeks now. Before that I had some better weeks. Waves do focus on a specific nerve group and seem to resolve than. Today it’s more quiet, but having said that it’s very though lately. Reaching month 29 in couple of weeks. The positive side is my own house, full time job and the fact that I am dating again with some positive results .

 

So generally, life is moving on but still sucks many times of the day /week.

 

The rollercoaster continues!

 

wow thats awesome to hear about your job and house and dating life hope hope. Slowly slowly we pick up the pieces hey. I can totally relate. Life is slowly slowly coming back. Please stick arouud. Remember its 30 Month +++. So you are very much still under the umbrella of this group!

[[A1...]]

Hi all long term sufferers...it was 26months yesterday and it still feels like hell is knocking on my door....thought by now some of the symptoms would subside but they just keep making life so miserable.....anyone feeling some healing at 30months as that is my next goal .........

[[pi...]]

Hi ALl

 

Just posting an update as its been a while. Appreciate if others could do if they could as it helps us all soldier on I think.

 

So Im technically month 28 at the moment and am doing much better. So hard to paint a picture of this point in time. Still on the roller coaster. But for my own healing journey, I have begun to reiterate the same thing everyday. Apologies if ppl aren't at this point yet but i feel like i need this to get me  over the final leg of this journey.

 

I say to my subconscious everyday now "thank you subconscious, i realise there are reasons to be anxious but i have a plan in place to address these things and so these feelings of anxiety are not helpful"

 

+

 

"ive been to the doctor, I am physically healthy, my heart is fine and my bloods are fine, this is all JUST anxiety and it will not hurt me"

 

Now, I realise how triggering all that can be to alot of ppl so i want to say I am not invalidating ppl by saying i say this. Its just that Ive gotten to a point where i cant logically explain how this is physical anymore and am taking a leap of faith here and saying to my brain that this is all just crazy anxiety and its time to heal whatever mixed up wiring or whatever got me here. Mind over matter sort of stuff.

 

Ive also started meditating daily 20 mins.

 

This was all after I had a trip to the ED 2 months ago feeling like im dying with heart palpitations, only to be told the same thing. Perfectly healthy, its just anxiety.

 

im on the placebo-effect 'getting-my-mind-to-heal-me' train right now and trust me, i feel pretty weird as I am a medical scientist by background. But im getting the first noticeable results since this new normal set it. I was going around in circles until i started to work on this again.

[[Kl...]]

To give you some hope 30 was when things started to lift for me. It's been much easier even though I've had some waves. I'm 35 months and the last 5 months has gone much quicker than the previous 5. I'm in a wave now and at times it sucks but it's not making me feel like I want to die and I have good hours most days. Still a ways to go because this shit is still getting in the way but it does get easier, just need to ride out the last of it now.

[[pi...]]

To give you some hope 30 was when things started to lift for me. It's been much easier even though I've had some waves. I'm 35 months and the last 5 months has gone much quicker than the previous 5. I'm in a wave now and at times it sucks but it's not making me feel like I want to die and I have good hours most days. Still a ways to go because this shit is still getting in the way but it does get easier, just need to ride out the last of it now.

 

Sorry to hear that Klungo but thanks for the hope, Im pretty good myself at 28 months. Like im 90% there most days. Theres just still those toxic days that drive me insane and I still need reassurance im healthy a fair bit because of the nature of the sxs that still pop up.

 

Riding it out man, its a tough road though

[[co...]]

I'm just getting to 35 months.... symptoms are there and worse on some days more than others. I guess those could be defined as windows but I still don't feel 100% on those days... just better'ish. Mental challenges are tough this far out because it's just so far out and I've been ill for so long. I have to tack on about 1.5 years to the 35 months of being Benzo free. 1.5 years was the amount of time I was Benzo'd (add another 5 months) and then polydrugged to fix the Benzo problem that I didn't know was a problem at the time. M(*&fing #$%%#$%%#$%$@@**!!!! doctors.... can't really believe it. No recourse, no help, no reibursement for life, job, money lost, nothing... I'm in the very angry stage if anyone can tell. 

 

Anyway, symptoms I'm still rolling through:

 

Head pain / pressure

Fatigue

Depression

Health anxiety and therefore existential anxiety

Tinnitus

 

I can say that on the days that I feel better, I am noticeably better than I was a year ago. However, mentally I might be a little worse off; only because I thought this was all going to end a long long time ago and I would be back out getting my career in order and not working at home doing a monotonous job I did 15 years ago that I dislike immensely. But I need to be grateful that I even have a job... hard for me to be grateful for anything in times like these.

 

Anyway.. that's where I'm at. Trying a few things to help get some energy back into my body so we'll see how that goes.

 

 

[[pi...]]

I'm just getting to 35 months.... symptoms are there and worse on some days more than others. I guess those could be defined as windows but I still don't feel 100% on those days... just better'ish. Mental challenges are tough this far out because it's just so far out and I've been ill for so long. I have to tack on about 1.5 years to the 35 months of being Benzo free. 1.5 years was the amount of time I was Benzo'd (add another 5 months) and then polydrugged to fix the Benzo problem that I didn't know was a problem at the time. M(*&fing #$%%#$%%#$%$@@**!!!! doctors.... can't really believe it. No recourse, no help, no reibursement for life, job, money lost, nothing... I'm in the very angry stage if anyone can tell. 

 

Anyway, symptoms I'm still rolling through:

 

Head pain / pressure

Fatigue

Depression

Health anxiety and therefore existential anxiety

Tinnitus

 

I can say that on the days that I feel better, I am noticeably better than I was a year ago. However, mentally I might be a little worse off; only because I thought this was all going to end a long long time ago and I would be back out getting my career in order and not working at home doing a monotonous job I did 15 years ago that I dislike immensely. But I need to be grateful that I even have a job... hard for me to be grateful for anything in times like these.

 

Anyway.. that's where I'm at. Trying a few things to help get some energy back into my body so we'll see how that goes.

 

Good luck bud, I can relate to a lot of what you said. My career was put on hold and my life really went sideways in all domains, personal professional and family. Its so weird that now its like we can begin to scratch the surface of rebuilding. But looking at how far we fell. Its brutal on the senses. oh and the exitential anxiety. Tell me about it dude. Im constantly in a spiritual dilemma daily because of the mental stuff sometimes

[[...]]

Hello Gang!

 

Just passed 27 months and can't believe I'm still so deep in this with the mental crap. The physical stuff comes and goes in waves, less troublesome than it used to be but the neurological (no satiety/stomach sensations/pleasure is the worst of them) and mental crap (anhedonia/total emotional numbness and akathisia, mostly mental but definitely no physical/neurological comfort either) make my life a living hell which I've had to get accustomed to. It's tough. But at this stage, I know I WILL survive it. It will take effort, pain and more effort, yes, more suffering than any 'normal human being' would ever have to endure in a lifetime, but this sh!t will not defeat me nor will it defeat anyone of you. We're in this together and on the right side of it. Walking towards the light with every day. We're all warriors. You're my gang, thank you for sharing your light and strength with me and everyone here. This is our rebirth, this is a miracle, this is most probably the most important thing you will have to do for yourself and the whole world, the gift of becoming you again. Unique, the way nature or whatever you believe in intended it to be. Restoring natural order after doctor-induced harm. Waw. Do you realise how big this is?

 

I've been travelling to visit family in Turkey and last night I broke a piece of a front tooth. Ugh... it was a tooth which had been reconstructed, so not a real piece of tooth, and not painful but either way, it's ugly, I need to get it fixed asap. I will see if i can get the bit stuck back on, at least as a temporary solution, if ever I find a dentist on duty on a Saturday in Istanbul... or it will have to wait Monday when i get back to Paris. Sh!t keeps happening lol... can anyone give me a comprehensive list of drugs which need to be avoided for numbing/dentistry and those which are safe? I probably won't need shots, but if i do, i prefer to be prepared... many many thanks.

 

Keep fighting, my Friends. It's another day towards the light.

 

Healing hugs,

Julz xx

[[bu...]]

Hello buddies. Thought I would check in here let people know that I’m now at 29 months and just getting ready to exit this thread.  I have had a heck of a couple of months since February dealing with a gnarly wave.  But I have to admit that a lot of healing has taken place!!  I am no longer bedridden, can manage many activities again, almost lead a normal life.  I still have some limitations on how much activity I can do and I really need to watch what I eat.  Most of the pain has subsided, I still have some lingering insomnia periodically, minor muscle aches still around my ribs,  and ringing in the ears.  I just took a trip with my family to Mexico it was wonderful!! However, I did come down with some kind of travelers diarrhea . I have some major G.I. issues at the moment and I’m hoping that they will resolve without too much issue,  I have tried some Imodium and that does not seem to be working. I may have to break down and try some Pepto  Bismol to see if that works . I am a bit nervous about it but I need to do something to get this under control.  I  put a new thread out about this particular medication . I pray that this does not set me back in my healing. Yes I am healing and I  can see the progress now after all these months!!  It is important to remain Vigilant with mindful (not too stressful) activities, and strict diet. Also, Time is truly what it takes!! Hang in there buddies!!  Healing is happening!! Even if something derails us, we have to just keep going forward.

 

Butterfly65

 

 

[[mo...]]

Wow, thank you so much butterfly65.

[[re...]]

 

 

Just coming in to look for a specific post.

 

While I was here, I thought I would update.

 

I am over 3.5 years off and doing well...

I am back to living life and dealing with normal stessors (but able to deal with them better because nothing is like benzo withdrawal)

 

Hope all of you are doing well... 

[[bo...]]

Great to hear, reba. What symptoms did you have that you are recovering from? Are you still tapering or taking any other medications?

[[bl...]]

When did  the flashbacks leave past memories about everything that happened in life?

[[lo...]]

I am very close to 3 years. wrote a success story some time ago.

overall - life is good. I had major life events (sad ones too) lately - new job etc. and was thrown into mega anxiety. but no panic - and left within a day.

I pretty much think I am to a pre-benzo state 90% or so. I don't think life in itself is something super easy as you get older.....I am just 40 -  but things just do seem harder as when you were 20.

greetings all

[[co...]]

Thanks for the update LOB... sounds like things are getting better for you. Happy to hear that. All the best...

[[Wi...]]

Joining. Almost at 16 months...really struggling badly.