18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

[[Gr...]]

My thoughts are going from yes I feel great I can do this job, I can go to that birthday party etc to hopeless black and negative thinking. So freaking exhausting, day in and day out. The contrast between good and bad is enormous. Do you recognize this pattern? Sometimes I ask myselve is it worser or better than year 1 and I believe that the windows are better, but the waves are much deeper. Nights are very hard lately. Always wake up with something. Tonight the “I am dying from a heart attack feeling” came back. I thought this was gone. Crazy, just crazy! The little angel on my shoulder always tells me it will pass, but still after 25 months waves can get me on my knees and the benzo beast wins. I had so much hope that after 2 years it should become less intens, unfortunately. The opposite is the sad truth... . But ok, I will make it to Sunday this week!

I experience this too, it can be drastically different from one day to the next. On good days, I basically feel normal and start making plans and ideas of what I want to do in my life in the future. Then the next day my ears could be zapping and sizzling really bad and I'm obsessing anxiously and imagining this going on forever. I have emotional whiplash. It is exhausting.

[[br...]]

 

Thanks Julz. I needed that reminder today. I'm in week four of a setback and feeling it.

But and thank they Lord , you are right . WE ALL HEAL .

So I'm taking care of myself one day at a time and choosing to believe.

 

Hugs right back at ya 

[[pi...]]

Guys, we are ALL going to make it. Like many before us have. You've read their stories, they thought they'd be this way forever, but they slowly - or suddenly - improved. It happened. The never thought it would, and one fine day, they were able to look back on this freaking nightmare knowing it was well and truly behind. We are still in the thick of it, and withdrawal is messing with our minds, making us believe that is how we are going to be forever. But that illusion, that lie, it is withdrawal. Powerful stuff...

 

We are in this together!

 

Warm Healing Hugs to All 

Julz

 

I needed this, thanks Julz. I feel some hope returning today. 

[[pi...]]

My thoughts are going from yes I feel great I can do this job, I can go to that birthday party etc to hopeless black and negative thinking. So freaking exhausting, day in and day out. The contrast between good and bad is enormous. Do you recognize this pattern? Sometimes I ask myselve is it worser or better than year 1 and I believe that the windows are better, but the waves are much deeper. Nights are very hard lately. Always wake up with something. Tonight the “I am dying from a heart attack feeling” came back. I thought this was gone. Crazy, just crazy! The little angel on my shoulder always tells me it will pass, but still after 25 months waves can get me on my knees and the benzo beast wins. I had so much hope that after 2 years it should become less intens, unfortunately. The opposite is the sad truth... . But ok, I will make it to Sunday this week!

I experience this too, it can be drastically different from one day to the next. On good days, I basically feel normal and start making plans and ideas of what I want to do in my life in the future. Then the next day my ears could be zapping and sizzling really bad and I'm obsessing anxiously and imagining this going on forever. I have emotional whiplash. It is exhausting.

 

This description was eerily close to where I was a month or so back. I think you guys might be right behind me. For me those good and bad days started blurring together. The good days seem to becoming more common though. Julz optimism is getting to me lol.

[[Gr...]]

My ear dr says the sounds in my ears are muscle spasms inside the middle ear which can be cured by doing surgery to sever them. I'm hesitant to do surgery of course due to potential side effects. The dr is pessimistic about mine going away on its own since it's been several months (actually years but it's gotten a lot worse over the past few months). It started during tapering so I'm sure it is benzo-withdrawal induced. I'm just debating over assuming it is permanent or if I should try to wait it out for however long benzo recovery takes. The fact that is has gotten worse disturbs me, I'm not sure to consider it a wave or not.

[[pi...]]

My ear dr says the sounds in my ears are muscle spasms inside the middle ear which can be cured by doing surgery to sever them. I'm hesitant to do surgery of course due to potential side effects. The dr is pessimistic about mine going away on its own since it's been several months (actually years but it's gotten a lot worse over the past few months). It started during tapering so I'm sure it is benzo-withdrawal induced. I'm just debating over assuming it is permanent or if I should try to wait it out for however long benzo recovery takes. The fact that is has gotten worse disturbs me, I'm not sure to consider it a wave or not.

 

I feel for you grapejuice.....this is really tough to decide stuff like this. Im so hesitant after all this to actually believe doctors claims to help. Second opinion just to be sure maybe?

[[2t...]]

Hi people, glad we all seem to be getting through this but sorry it is taking so long.

I am about 25 months off and was doing well apart from tinnitus then around a month ago I started to have stomach upset problems followed by chest problems, the chest worries me as I some times have a nagging pain right around my breast bone and I often wake up feeling like I cant get a full breath, I can breath but it feels like I am having to help it manually.

I think I will wait a while longer and it nothing gets better have it checked out.

Any one else either in the same boat or gone through this before?

 

2trusting

[[Ho...]]

Hi people, glad we all seem to be getting through this but sorry it is taking so long.

I am about 25 months off and was doing well apart from tinnitus then around a month ago I started to have stomach upset problems followed by chest problems, the chest worries me as I some times have a nagging pain right around my breast bone and I often wake up feeling like I cant get a full breath, I can breath but it feels like I am having to help it manually.

I think I will wait a while longer and it nothing gets better have it checked out.

Any one else either in the same boat or gone through this before?

 

2trusting

 

That chest pain is a classical withdrawal symptom and definitely a very scary one. Use to wake me up during night. Only thing you can do is breath in, breath out the best you can. You can check yourselve, I did it last week and nothing to be found which gives me a bit more relaxed feeling. During the last 4 months all the sensations are coming from the nerves 100%. No question about it.

[[br...]]

 

Grapejuice . Listen to you gut feeling about surgery , Your problems are almost certainly part of the non-linear nature of withdrawal . Also the last thing your sensitive C.N.S. needs is surgery . Wait it out . Not fun but it is what it is.

[[Gr...]]

 

Grapejuice . Listen to you gut feeling about surgery , Your problems are almost certainly part of the non-linear nature of withdrawal . Also the last thing your sensitive C.N.S. needs is surgery . Wait it out . Not fun but it is what it is.

In any case, I'm not planning to do anything until July. I have a vacation scheduled and will be flying so I don't want to be dealing with any surgery complications at that time. Maybe my ear will settle down by then. Incidentally, my ears have been totally quiet all day until now, my left ear just started chirping. No idea what triggered it.

[[pi...]]

Hi people, glad we all seem to be getting through this but sorry it is taking so long.

I am about 25 months off and was doing well apart from tinnitus then around a month ago I started to have stomach upset problems followed by chest problems, the chest worries me as I some times have a nagging pain right around my breast bone and I often wake up feeling like I cant get a full breath, I can breath but it feels like I am having to help it manually.

I think I will wait a while longer and it nothing gets better have it checked out.

Any one else either in the same boat or gone through this before?

 

2trusting

hey 2 trusting. Exact same thing is happening to me except for the tinnitus. Stomach issues and chest 'sensations'. Its those damned chest sensations that are hard to tell from indigestion that are the most stressful. that any my breathing is off again. Like i get stunned and dont breathe and then need a deep breathe. Weird air hunger is back a bit too. also im at 24 months. waking up again in middle of night too. if this is a wave is a far cry from how i was, but its still very debilitating. 

[[2t...]]

Thanks for the reply Pinky

I keep seeing ads on the tv for COPD and people walking around with oxygen tanks and of course I decide that will be my fate in a few months.

 

 

2trusting

[[pi...]]

Same, i keep thinking i will drop dead any second. This is the mother of all motivation killers. Why do anything if death is around the corner - i think this is a subconscious belief we all have to shake at this point. Or at least come to some peace with even if in the tiny 0.00001% chance its true. We have to live our lives without fear anyway. Never felt like it took courage to just live. Why is this so hard post benzos? 

[[Ho...]]

A question for all the 24+ warriors; how are your windows and for how long do they stay? Do you get more functional days?

[[So...]]

I will be 24 months on the 26th of April, I tend to wake up feeling bad and then as the day goes on I feel better. All I really have left is some fatigue and really dark scary thoughts and fears of dying, if the mental shit would just go away I would call myself 95% better, it's so frustrating. I don't really have waves and windows more just a lightening of symptoms overall but two nights ago I felt amazing like 100% and it lasted for a few hours. I really go through periods though of hopelessness and it is shitty but I kind of know my symptoms and pattern by now. Before my period and during my period I feel horrible but then the two weeks after I feel a lot better and it kind of comes and goes.

[[...]]

I will be 24 months on the 26th of April, I tend to wake up feeling bad and then as the day goes on I feel better. All I really have left is some fatigue and really dark scary thoughts and fears of dying, if the mental shit would just go away I would call myself 95% better, it's so frustrating. I don't really have waves and windows more just a lightening of symptoms overall but two nights ago I felt amazing like 100% and it lasted for a few hours. I really go through periods though of hopelessness and it is shitty but I kind of know my symptoms and pattern by now. Before my period and during my period I feel horrible but then the two weeks after I feel a lot better and it kind of comes and goes.

 

That’s great news...that clear window you had is a great sign. I bet soon you’ll have one that doesn’t close.

[[pi...]]

I will be 24 months on the 26th of April, I tend to wake up feeling bad and then as the day goes on I feel better. All I really have left is some fatigue and really dark scary thoughts and fears of dying, if the mental shit would just go away I would call myself 95% better, it's so frustrating. I don't really have waves and windows more just a lightening of symptoms overall but two nights ago I felt amazing like 100% and it lasted for a few hours. I really go through periods though of hopelessness and it is shitty but I kind of know my symptoms and pattern by now. Before my period and during my period I feel horrible but then the two weeks after I feel a lot better and it kind of comes and goes.

 

Ive very close to what your describe here. At least we all seem to have a similiar picture. So we must be on the way there right. 

[[Le...]]

Okay guys after maximum 2+ I will come here unfortunately! I am almost 16months off. Still I have daily like waves with symphtoms or Idk know how to describe it exactly! I am waking up with pressure in my back, neck, shoulders, hips and spine rigidity. So when the pressure vanish I am calm and the nerve pain and rigidity are gone but to the next morning! I Haved thousands of symphtoms and they comes and goes, unfortunately this dont want to leave me. Somedays I am better some I am not so, but this crap comes everyday no full day window just hours. I am feeling normal at the night before midnight I am super and then next morning everything is starting!

 

So you are very far out from me most of you, please share are you haved that before? When this will vanish or start to being tolerable? I am so tired and exhausted from this pressure and rigidity with pain in my body comes and goes like wave. If this vanish I will be healed thats my major problem.

 

Please share your experience. Thanks

[[pi...]]

i acidentaly had a brownie with alcohol in it last night after 3 days of my nearest to normal window ive ever had. I feel like I kneecapped myself right at the time Ive had the most hope since this whole ordeal began. Now this morning i feel groggy like i drank last night. Havent felt this feeling in a long time. And im terrified of what happens after it wears off etc. Damn i forgot they put alcohol in food sometimes. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGHGHGHGHGH!

[[To...]]

That Belvedere brownie can sneak up on ya... you’ll be all good dude, just be more careful

[[Ne...]]

Okay guys, I’ve hit 31 month and still experiencing windows and waves. Where do I go now? I’m past the 18-30 month group timeline. But I’m still feeling crappy and need support😢. The last few days, the fatigue is crushing me. It’s got my mind in an anxious whirl. I’ve got that 24/7 intrusive thought pattern going on. Every thought is death and dying, like this must be some horrible disease. I can’t get my brain to turn off. I’m really hurtin today guys. Trying to get ready for Easter,  but after each little errand, I feel like I have to lie down... So depressed and thinking I’m never going to feel normal.

And where do we go after 30 months and still not healed???

New Girl

 

[[Kl...]]

31 also, we can stay in this group I think.

 

Hope you feel better soon..

[[...]]

“18-30 and upwards” 

[[Ne...]]

Thanks guys 

[[Ho...]]

Lately I have devolped a new pattern, I get windows one day for example between 12-3pm and the next day during that time frame I have a killing wave. Mostly takes some hours, leave and I feel OK for few hours again. So on the moments I get a window I get a wave the next day and visa versa. Still rough, but little better than the last 4 months. Who has this pattern as well?