18-30 MONTHS AND UPWARDS

[[co...]]

Going into month 31... still at it as well. Working from home... I still don't know how some of you go into an office everyday. Probably no head pain / pressure... but I'm sure you have other crappy symptoms.

 

Anyway... good luck everyone. I'm pretty beat-up from this marathon....

 

 

[[pi...]]

Hey guys, just wanted to write an update. Would be really great if others could too around this period, I really appreciate seeing how others are going. Especially as we get further out, seems many stop coming to post.

 

My healing has really shown some positive signs. My doctor got a Blood pressure reading that was ,normal using a larger cuff, for the first time since this whole ordeal began (the fact that my previous doctor was using a small cuff and maybe that was causing artificially high readings is really like the cruelest irony of this whole thing so far. I almost cried, i didnt care i was just happy to think it had all been because of a wrong cuff size. I've been walking around worried id blow an artery due to my high blood pressure for years. Fear of a stroke and death has plagued each step of this journey because of that.

 

Other than that, I have 3 core symptoms that my body seems to be wrestling to heal, weird bladder sensitivity, strange bowels changes and sleep is still up and down, especially down at the smallest sign of stress. But all 3 of these are showing encouraging signs. Healing kind of stopped for a few months and i was stuck at these 3 symptoms bad. My body finally seems to be getting to them. The other random sxs are air hunger, stress and anxiety which comes and goes. But overall, definitelty seeing progress over time. Healing has just slowed to a snails pace.

 

Hope others are fairing better and well. Wishing you all health and healing 

 

 

[[Kl...]]

Things have been getting better since 30 months. Nervous to say anything more just yet, but if it continues I'll come back and update. Still had a few bad days but overall the good days are getting more often. Swimming a couple days a day most days and I often feel mostly normal after I do. It's definitely showing signs, just trying to patient now, which is hard.. I had a bad morning last saturday and had some PTSD from it, because it reminded me of bad wave I was in for 2-3 months.. but it was just the one day thankfully so my worst fears didn't materialize. Still nervous of going back into a wave though.

[[pi...]]

Things have been getting better since 30 months. Nervous to say anything more just yet, but if it continues I'll come back and update. Still had a few bad days but overall the good days are getting more often. Swimming a couple days a day most days and I often feel mostly normal after I do. It's definitely showing signs, just trying to patient now, which is hard.. I had a bad morning last saturday and had some PTSD from it, because it reminded me of bad wave I was in for 2-3 months.. but it was just the one day thankfully so my worst fears didn't materialize. Still nervous of going back into a wave though.

 

Sounds good Klungo, thanks for responding. I totally understand the nervous hesitation to celebrate new ground being broken. I was hesitant to say that things picked up at 19 months for a while but they definitely did. And now again at month 25 things have been consistently better since. Fear of a wave as a feeling has never felt comfortable but i cant say im not used to it. I just try and forget about it these days. The waves are light enough most times now that the fear response is beginning to calm down. Like no one is threatening to punch me constantly, just tickle me. So im less fearful and just nervous about it acting up. Hopefully that is progress of a kind.

[[br...]]

 

Hi pinky and Klungo . Great to get updates on your progressions along this long weary road . Here are mine  :'(

Back in January I was at 80% healed and all things were bright and beautiful . Then came the stress from waiting for a second look mammo . My happy window closed and the wave that came brought new scary symptoms along with the old bugger ones . It's also gone on for a looooooooong non-linear time . :'( What is encouraging is learning from other buddies in this stage of the game , is that this pattern of bad waves after months of linear recovery is just part of the craziness, and hopefully full recovery is very near .

 

Meanwhile life goes on . We do the best we can and never ever give up hope .

[[...]]

Hello my dear Warrior Friends!

 

It's good to hear from you all. It's great to hear the good news of course, but any news is great too. We are in this together, and I feel like this thread is one with the strongest solidarity around BBs.

 

I'm sorry so many of you are still getting hit this far out, it sure is a disheartening journey. Especially when you have been feeling 80% or more and suddenly feel you are crashing down again... but healing IS happening, and most of you now know that for sure. Gone are the days of doubt because all you had was others' words across the forum...

 

..which well... aren't quite gone for me, I'm afraid to say  :'( I'm 23 months, going onto the 2 years on the 29th of May and haven't yet improved. I'm still coping coping coping and dreaming of the day when this gets a tiny bit easier at least. Still caught between akathisia (can't not do anything) and total apathy (so hard to do things), I just wish one of those two would let go just a little at least... but hey, it ought to start getting better sometime, right? Right. I'm following your light. Thank you for being there, so supportive in spite of all that you are going through...

 

BR - I hear starting to cycle through waves and windows can be a good sign in recovery... so yeah, hang in there, change is happening and recovery is near! Keep going! You are going to be ok, like the rest of us 

 

Hang in there everyone. We are in this together, and we will find our way out together.

 

Warm Healing Hugs!

Julia 

[[Ho...]]

Good to hear that some of you are getting better!

 

I am going back to work on Monday and waves are very brutal last weeks/months. When I think I have improved a bit I am going downwards again. I am pushing through in this journey and renovate my house completely last months. But what would it be nice to feel normal again in stead of only few hours a day! The only positive thing which I can share is the fact that my waves are not so long anymore. So let see, almost 26,5 months out now.

[[So...]]

Hey guys, so I am 24 months off now and things have been truly horrible since then, I am in my worst wave yet from the last 6 months and I didn't have physical symptoms for a really long time and now my arms hurt and I am weak and exhausted and I just want to cry but I can't lol because my emotions are kind of shut down at the moment but I truly feel like giving up, I don't have a lot of hope at this point for healing. I am 26 years old and my life is effectively over because of meds I was put on for a cold turkey prozac withdrawal five years ago when my doctor said antidepressant withdrawal didn't exist and this was just old anxiety coming back and it must have gotten worse. I've lost what's supposed to be the best years of my life and I am just this pathetic blob when I used to be really attractive, I was a semi well known singer, music videos and everything. My whole life is just over and it's doesn't feel like this will ever get any better. I just need some kind words today to keep me going, My husband deserves better than this

[[Gr...]]

Hi Songbird, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. It's really discouraging to still get hit with waves this far out. You just have to remember other people have had bad symptoms at two years off but still eventually went on to heal. I think Baylissa had a bad wave at the two year mark and then was healed not long after that. I hope you return to a window soon. 

[[2t...]]

Hey guys, so I am 24 months off now and things have been truly horrible since then, I am in my worst wave yet from the last 6 months and I didn't have physical symptoms for a really long time and now my arms hurt and I am weak and exhausted and I just want to cry but I can't lol because my emotions are kind of shut down at the moment but I truly feel like giving up, I don't have a lot of hope at this point for healing. I am 26 years old and my life is effectively over because of meds I was put on for a cold turkey prozac withdrawal five years ago when my doctor said antidepressant withdrawal didn't exist and this was just old anxiety coming back and it must have gotten worse. I've lost what's supposed to be the best years of my life and I am just this pathetic blob when I used to be really attractive, I was a semi well known singer, music videos and everything. My whole life is just over and it's doesn't feel like this will ever get any better. I just need some kind words today to keep me going, My husband deserves better than this

Hi Songbird, I remember watching a video from one of the English support groups where a man was in your/ our situation but then very quickly got 100% Better.

They were saying that things with benzo withdrawal are never for good even when you think they are.

We will all get better and be the people we once were again,

 

2trusting

[[ss...]]

I’m starting to doubt we ever truly heal in many cases. 27 months and really getting worse then acute. I hear of many much further still not living normal lives. Everything is getting worse full force and the hope gets gone people saying it will get better when clearly it hasn’t.

[[Ho...]]

I’m starting to doubt we ever truly heal in many cases. 27 months and really getting worse then acute. I hear of many much further still not living normal lives. Everything is getting worse full force and the hope gets gone people saying it will get better when clearly it hasn’t.

 

I understand your doubts, still have them myselve around 26,5 months. Did it steadily get worse or did you feel better the months before? I got hit since 21,5 and since than it’s a big struggle every day. But I refuse to believe that we don’t heal. How were your months before you got hit with this wave?

[[ss...]]

It’s been pretty bad for that long. Last year got even worse. As some have said on here after two years it seems to be other things going on to be this sick still.

[[co...]]

I’m starting to doubt we ever truly heal in many cases. 27 months and really getting worse then acute. I hear of many much further still not living normal lives. Everything is getting worse full force and the hope gets gone people saying it will get better when clearly it hasn’t.

 

It's a sad fact I think; seeing all of the people past the 3 year mark still not well. I'm in month 31 and feel like crap most days. At this point, it's disheartening to say the least. I remember when I was 15-24 months... still really hopeful, sick, but in the back of my head, always thinking that  healing was really going to start to happen for me soon because I was in and around the 2 year mark and all of these people had said that healing really starts to happen around the 2 year mark... which is complete BS from the amount of people I researched on this board.

 

But now it's just a grind everyday and I think on the outside I still want to believe... but on the inside I know I can't go on like this for much longer. I still exercise several times a week but I feel this fatigue in my brain and in my body will never leave. The tinnitus is always present, I can't get my life back together the way I want it so I'm severely depressed, I'm isolated most days because I work from home, and the stupid head pain / pressure never seems to fully go away.

 

These days, I don't see the point of continuing like this but I have my dog and my wife to think about... I'm not sure how long that will keep me afloat anymore. My wife is tired and she doesn't deserve to have this kind of life. Most sick people get sick and die... we just linger on; suffering which causes those close to us to suffer.

 

On the positive side, it is going to be summer soon so at least it won't be cold and miserable outside everyday....

 

 

EDIT: Apologies for the negative rant to anyone who uses this thread as a positive.

[[Kl...]]

I know it's hard to believe, I'm back in a wave and it feels that way. I've talked to Jen and Baylissa again very recently. Both have said that 3 years is the magic spot for most.. I am not sure why 2 years get's thrown around so much either.. functional yes but the waves are still hard. Also know and speak to many people who healed and all of them started to really get better around 3 years. Guess we have to keep pushing a bit longer.

[[ss...]]

It’s not withdraw after a point and Jennifer Leigh is still not healed and Don Killian got way worse again. You have to be wary of all these people who say it gets better when they themselves are not. Some never get better and stays same after same symptoms. 

[[Yu...]]

It’s not withdraw after a point and Jennifer Leigh is still not healed and Don Killian got way worse again. You have to be wary of all these people who say it gets better when they themselves are not. Some never get better and stays same after same symptoms.

 

Before saying that people will not heal why dont you give your signature to see your story of benzo use

[[Kl...]]

First of all Jen is healed. I talk to her regularly. She lives a full normal happy life.

Don's problems were due to doing something non benzo related.

 

Secondly Jen and Baylissa have helped 10's of thousands of people. Their information is based on the recoveries of those people, all of which have healed.

 

I'm not sure why you are being so negative and scare mongering without the knowledge to back it up. This thread is a positive place for people as they heal and if you have those thoughts, please share them elsewhere.

 

Furthermore, I may not be healed yet, but I work full time, exercise, socialize (when I feel good).. I still have bad days and it's not easy at times, but I can tell I'm getting better an better the further out I get. If you happen to get worse for a while and have a bad wave, it can last a day or a few months, but you will come out in a better place once it does. It's discouraging but it's the way healing works and we don't have any choice but to let it take it's course.

 

 

[[Yu...]]

First of all Jen is healed. I talk to her regularly. She lives a full normal happy life.

Don's problems were due to doing something non benzo related.

 

Secondly Jen and Baylissa have helped 10's of thousands of people. There information is based on the recoveries of those people, all of which have healed.

 

I'm not sure why you are being so negative and scare mongering without the knowledge to back it up. This thread is a positive place for people as they heal and if you have those thoughts, please share them elsewhere.

 

Thank you for your positive post. It is nice to know these things.

 

[[Ma...]]

I can understand protracted members getting discouraged when they are faced with pain everyday with no end mark. Despite my never having a true window( feeling totally myself) in 2.5 years I trust the testimonials of others who have gone before me that they healed and know others who have as well. The mental and physical pain I experience every day is sometimes too much to bear but when I turn to you, buddies and  read your positive comments I know I am not alone. Your information and empathy have carried me through this unexpected ordeal. Thanks all of you for always being here!

[[...]]

First of all Jen is healed. I talk to her regularly. She lives a full normal happy life.

Don's problems were due to doing something non benzo related.

 

Secondly Jen and Baylissa have helped 10's of thousands of people. Their information is based on the recoveries of those people, all of which have healed.

 

I'm not sure why you are being so negative and scare mongering without the knowledge to back it up. This thread is a positive place for people as they heal and if you have those thoughts, please share them elsewhere.

 

Furthermore, I may not be healed yet, but I work full time, exercise, socialize (when I feel good).. I still have bad days and it's not easy at times, but I can tell I'm getting better an better the further out I get. If you happen to get worse for a while and have a bad wave, it can last a day or a few months, but you will come out in a better place once it does. It's discouraging but it's the way healing works and we don't have any choice but to let it take it's course.

 

👆

[[So...]]

Just wanted to chime in because my last post I was being a really negative person and that's not who I am at my core, I'm a cheerleader and I always supports other whole heartedly. After having a horrific wave when I posted last yesterday was the best day I've had since this whole horrible thing started pretty much. I woke up and was relatively hopeful and something happened which to me shows I am healing, I woke up looking forward to getting to read a book, like that feeling of pleasure you get when you look forward to doing something you like. It might sound small but I haven't felt that pleasure in so so long, and my husband and I are going on a road trip to my best friend's wedding next week and I am actually kind of excited rather than dreading it, so that's huge too. Things do get better and we do heal it just takes fucking forever.

 

 

[[Kl...]]

Yep the back and forth, feeling healed then wanting to die, it's exhausting. It feels permanent in those bad waves but it isn't and telling yourself that and others isn't helpful..I know in a bad mental wave I think that sometimes but I also know that I had a day like that 2 weeks ago, it passed and I felt positive again after. It's a mind fuck for sure. This is why we are here to keep pushing each other through those bad days. We are going to make it.

[[NY...]]

Yep the back and forth, feeling healed then wanting to die, it's exhausting.

 

Yep, I'm still on the hell ride with you guys.  Feeling great today, and yesterday truly wanted to die.  Laid in bed for hours just enduring the mental anguish, similar to the darkest days of taper and acute.  Today, poof, all gone.  Back and forth, up and down.  It's unreal.  BUT it's the way this process rolls for so many of us.  Hang on tight buddies.  We're all getting close.

 

Hugs,

WR

 

 

[[ss...]]

I have talked to both of them over the years. Just hard when things get worse for so long.