18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Te...]]

Hey Jen.....glad you did the swallow test....my results was the exact same.....wish I could do something for the spasms....glad everything is ok..

 

Hugs!

TM

[[dr...]]

Hi all...I really had a night from hell.  I said to my wife I don't remember anything this bad all night.  I had palps/anxiety/weird body sensations/ and stuff I never get.  The propranolol didn't even help the palps at all.  It was a horror show of me just letting it pass. 

 

I try not to pin on anything or search for answers but this was different with so many different symptoms at once.  Felt like acute.  I did try a new tea last night and I found one of the main ingredients works on the same receptors as a benzo.  Argh!!!!!  Like I said, I think I would have been hit cause I am in a monster wave but this was on a whole new level.

[[Te...]]

Sorry Drew......just read your post.....hope your feeling better......

 

TM

[[so...]]

Wow Drew!  You have been getting mashed lately!  I'm so sorry.  I get the heart palps, racing heartbeat, high anxiety, weird body vibrations daily.  I know it's no consolation, but you're not alone.  Hang on, Drew!  This will pass tonight.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Wo...]]

I know the kind of night you're talking about Drew. They just suck. It doesn't make any sense why we get hit so hard so far out, but it is the nature of the beast. I have a feeling you're going to see major improvements when this wave dies down.

[[dr...]]

Your replies really help.  Hope everyone gets a descent nights rest.

[[Mi...]]

Hang in there Drew, Sometimes the bigger the wave the bigger the healing. 

 

 

[[Aq...]]

Drew, I got hit just like that a couple months ago (and I am a couple months ahead of you), so I get it.  Hang in there it will let up like it always does.  It just never feels like it at the time.  EVER.  Just push through like you have always done for the past 20+ months!  Best to try not to make sense of it because this is the most nonsensical thing I have ever been through.

[[Mi...]]

Drew, I forgot to add do you remember I had a huge wave around your same time line. It was as acute as I have had since I went through acute. I literally wasn't left alone for like a week.  Afterwards I made my biggest jump forward. The agraphobia started to lift. I started noticing things in my new home I hadn't really realized we're there ect...  I really woke up afterwards in a way. Idk how else to explain it.  I am so sorry you are getting hit so hard.  Hang tight the sun will shine again and the waters will calm. 

 

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

When a doctor gave me a bb to sample, he told me it will not effect heart palps, just racing heartbeat.  I guess all these doctors read different manuals to get their licenses, more like science fiction novels.

 

Could you be getting rebound from the bb?  Maybe it was the tea?  Maybe it was neither and the wave was going to happen anyway.  Regardless, it will pass like it always does and you will be done.

 

Love, Sofa

[[so...]]

Buddies,

 

This morning I had a huge battle with intrusive thoughts, like I got during acute.  It's like my brain vomited up a pile of photographs from my past, present and future and kept pummeling my mind with images.  I know it sounds so strange, but has anyone else had this?  I feel like a truck ran over me right now.

 

Sofa

[[...]]

Sorry Drew, It's just ridiculous how this affect us. You'll come through, we all will. It just doesn't feel like it when it's so unrelenting. Just keep doing what you're doing and stay strong coz you are 

 

I'm a total zombie as sleep is a huge issue; I've never had sleep issues in my life. Oh well, the chemicals are just not doing their job yet. apart from that, still got anxiety but not as bad. In spite of the total horror of not sleeping I was ready to congratulate myself on everything I was achieving when debilitated until my son pushed some buttons last night and I had a total melt down. It's then that I'm reminded how fragile I am and it sucks!!! Just makes me feel like I'm the only Mum of their friends who's a nervous wreck. Anyway My poor tired brain has been pushed to the limits at work. i just need to sleep  :'(

 

Sofa, I get the thoughts on and off. Sometimes they make me cross or upset. Again it's a chemical thing ugh!! they tell you horrible things about us and our lives; well mine do. Just think, they will go away one day, for ever 

 

Jen well done on the barium thing. Girl done well 

[[dr...]]

hi all...

 

Sofa-that's one thing I don't get but I read a bunch of people mentioning them.  Read lostdogs success as I am pretty sure he listed it. 

 

marj-aint this fun?  My motto today is "All my symptoms are because of me stopping the drug or drinking Satan's Tea." 

 

My night was 1000x better.  I drank no tea and slept from 10:30 - 4:40.  My wake up time seems to be right there every day and I can't nap for longer than 10 minutes...oh well.  I came in  to work and have been very productive.  I got hit with head pressure and some other head stuff that always ramps so fast but the scary part of it passed already.  All in all I am trying to just live in the present and not "what if" and just log each day.  Even with the headache/pressure the day is so far better than most of my other days.  Off to get a cranial massage soon.

[[Si...]]

Hope you feel better drew, marj, sofa. I tried writing something earlier, but the Internet at home was acting wonky. drew, I can't wait for the day I can just do what I want food and beverage wise and not worry about what it might do to me.

[[Wo...]]

Sofa, it's really common to get intrusive thoughts and random memories. Interestingly, a friend of mine quit alcohol around the same time I quit Klon, and he gets them as well. It probably comes from removing a substance that suppresses thoughts and memories.

 

I personally got slammed with memories and guilt about every bad thing I ever did to anyone. I felt like Bill Murray in Scrooged when he gets visited by the ghost of Christmas past. I think our ability to process the emotions that come with the memories is also compromised. Temporarily. Ah, so many "gifts" we're given in WD.

[[so...]]

Thanks, Nova.  I'm going to have to figure out a way to stop these photographs in their tracks before they grab hold and last for several hours.  I try meditation, YouTube guided imagery, word puzzles, etc.  Prayer works best.  So that's what I'll keep doing.  Me and God.  I whine.  He carries me.  And so it goes.

 

Love, Sofa

 

 

[[pa...]]

I had the parade of bad memories too. Seems like every instance of embarrassment, humiliation, fear, etc came back for a repeat performance. I took a CBT class through my health care provided, and that really helped. There's a technique where you acknowledge and accept the thought, but try not to have an emotional reaction and let it float away. It's just a thought really. It can't hurt you. It's our reaction to it that causes the additional stress.

[[...]]

Good Morning,  When I get intrusive thoughts that play over and over and over in my mind, my symptoms amp up.  I hadn't really thought about it until reading this thread this morning but I have had far fewer days of this in the past few months. 

[[Ba...]]

For me intrusive thoughts get worse when other symptoms do. This includes inner vibrations, tinnitus, and nerve buzzing up and down my left leg.

 

My baseline is so much better than a year ago though.

[[of...]]

I still have major Insomnia, fatigue. Confusion, cog fog. And now anhedonia. Anhedonia cancelled out my memories. I know i have memories, but its like they're not me?

 

Is all of this worth it? What am I even fighting for anymore. I've lost me

[[...]]

Good Morning,

 

Bailey,  It is so cool that our baseline is much better than it was a year ago.

 

Offeverything,  I am sorry you are feeling so depressed.  Feeling like this will never end seems to be a very common symptom.  I felt like I was healed at about 10 months and then at about 14 months my symptoms returned. I was really depressed and sure I would never again have my life back.  I am currently in the usual waves and windows pattern.  I know it doesn't seem like it but you will heal, you will have your life back.  We just all heal at our own rate.  I hope you are feeling better soon.

[[Be...]]

Hi guys, 

I could use any help or advice anyone has to offer as I'm getting pretty down about my situation, which hasn't offered me any windows throughout this whole journey.    I am 32 months off klonopin and 16 months off Remeron, and AD.  I am filled with a few dozen symptoms, the worst of which are 16 months of insomnia, severe daily dizziness with full headed presssure, lots of gut issues, nausea, joint pains, blurred vision, hyper sensitive hearing and vision to lights and sounds, constant daily/nightly anxiety, chills even when it is hot, fatigue, and the most awful is the "air hunger",  etc.  MAny others but these are the main issues.

 

When people talk of getting better after X amount of months off, are they speaking of the benzo or just the last med to have gotten off?      I read of many getting  better earlier, but I feel that after doing two tapers of these meds over 3 years, although I did some kindling early on, things should be better by now but alsa, its not happening.  I could deal with the daily daytime issues, but the insomnia is just awful, being awake most of every night  with all these symptoms.  I have been using MJ for some of the symptoms, but only use it in the evening before bed.  It has pretty much now stopped being effective, so I am tapering that down and hope that I will somehow be able to get to sleep on my own.  I did use edibles for about 6 months and had wonderful predictable sleep, until my tolerance got too great and I was using too much to sleep.  that's when it became apparent that I had to stop it, which I will finish doing in a month or so.   

 

This has pretty much taken over my life as I can't really concentrate on anything and am agitated/anxious all the time.  HArd to read, watch a movie, pretty much everything revolves around the symptoms and feelings.  Cant travel, predict future activities, or make any plans for the future.  I was Tucson for amonth. This was a total waste of time and money, as they didn't recognize the problem and tried to stop the meds, thowing me into a worse state.  then they tried to give me more drugs.  While there, at least I encountered an individual who knew about this and that's when I began the tapers.

 

So, here I am almost 33 months off klonopin and almost 17 months off Remeron, and feel like I'm just geting started.  Every supplement I try ramps me up for a few weeks afterwards, where I am now.  I've gone to nutritionist, and naturopaths, all of which helpd me with a proper diet, but now I am told that I have SIBO and leaky gut, so my diet is now very restrictive with no gluten or dairy.

 

I'm so so so weary of this, and could use any advice or encouragement anyone could offer.  Thanks for any help.  Is this ever going to end for me. I dont know how long I can not sleep before my body breaks down and I get sick.  Feeling prett low right now over this whole journey.  Many thanks

 

BT

[[dr...]]

All I can say benzotired is to stop trying all the supplements, mj, etc...  Just allow your body to find its natural balance. I know every time I introduced something it ramped me up.

[[Be...]]

Regarding all supplements, what I havent been able to discern is when all these integrative, funcitonal test show that you are deficient in many things, or you have "leaky gut" or whatever, how can just the pasage of time correct these things without taking something to help these things heal??

 

I have now had around 3-4 episodes of getting tested for everything from different doctors, and, of course, when I try to take the supps, I get even sicker. So can just taking nothing for leaky gut, SIBO,, food sensitivities, etc, actually allow you to somehow heal only with the passage of time??? I dont see how, but it seems that many others have taken nothing and somehow still get better.  If you have bacterial overgrowth in your GI tract, and become so sick, what do you do?    I've drastically altered my diet taking into account food sensitivities, bacterial issues, but when I tried to take things to actually "cure " the problems, it backfires.  So, I am very conflicted of how to approach this.    IS there any consensus about  this?? 

 

Again, when people talk of being off the drugs for a certain time before noticing healing, are they talking about the benzo, or the last drug, which in my case, was Remeron. 

 

Thank you for any opinions.

 

BT

[[so...]]

BT,

 

I agree with Drew.  No supplements, no MJ, no alcohol, no fun.  At least until WD is over.

 

Sofa