18 - 30 Month Plus Group

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Bailey,  Yes you were but you should not have been.  Your blog is a horror story about the ignorance of the medical community.  Love and hugs,  KB.  :smitten:

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[quote author=paperboat link=topic=

 

Friends???  I seem to remember something about friends... .

 

Paperboat,  I enjoyed such a laugh reading this !  And a good laugh helps us deal with this journey.  Thanks !

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Well dang it anyway.  My previous entry came out backwards.  The quote was from paperboat, and it was a really funny line.  And it posted like my response was the quote.  I have no idea what I am doing wrong !

[[Ba...]]

Kb45,

 

There is so much in the news now about the over prescribing of pain pills and how addicting they are. I remember the days of pain centers advertising on the radio. Heroin is of course the resort some people succumb to when their pan pills run out. I can relate to their desperation as I was lost in the physical and mental torture of benzo withdrawal. How I wished (and still do) that it would all stop.

 

The doctor who prescribed the benzos to me is no longer working thankfully. Why he prescribed 10 milligrams of Valium and an antipsychotic to me is beyond comprehension.

 

I'm looking forward to regaining the vitality I had before this nightmare began. I'm not dismissive of the side effect of medication anymore.

 

I've been to a very dark place, but the light is here and getting brighter.

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Slept better last night, although dreamt that I couldn't stay awake????

 

Have had the crappiest day ever, basically felt, still do a bit that I'm going insane. The pressure in my head feels like there is no room for my brain. The pressure goes down my neck and into my arms. Tight throat, breathing, DP,awful. Not been able to accept all this today and my thought process has gone crazy, lots of intrusives and fear. Felt like this has been building all week. Hopefully things will calm this evening. Approaching 22 months and yes it's normal. Doesn't make it any easier  :'(  :'(

 

Feels like toture when it's like this.

[[dr...]]

I'm sorry marj.  I'm right there w you.  After having no head stuff for two months or so it's been back w a vengeance.  I try not to worry but my brain can't handle any stimulation again.  I was just trying to run errands and my brain feels so weird in stores again.  Front pressure, eye stuff, pains.  Ugh. 

 

Hoping this phase passes soon for both of us. Ian says this is normal?  Lol

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I get dizzy or something in stores.  It is like I have trouble with my eyes and thinking clearly.  So I hobble in with a list,  shop quickly and then leave.  My husband is the only person I tell about this because it sounds a bit nuts. 

 

But they say we do all heal.  And I have to believe this.  I feel better when I laugh at something.  I insist on pulling every good moment I can from each day.  My pets are a reason to keep going.  They need me.  I feel badly that my husband's life has been affected by this also. 

 

We will get through this !  Somehow it gets to be tomorrow !

[[Ba...]]

Recently I've been able to go to the store and not grip the grocery cart for dear life. 

[[Mi...]]

Hello All,

 

I don't know what in the world is going on but I really really like it!  My hubby came home from work two days ago and took one look at me and stood dead in his tracks lol!  He said OMG your eyes, ( I almost went into a panic, like what's wrong with my eyes?) Lol!  But he said it was the very first time in over 2 yrs I didn't look drugged/stoned ect...  He just stared at me all night. It was weird...  It makes me wonder how I looked to everyone for 2 freaking years?.... Today I also had my check in with my counselor, the first thing she said was wow you look different?.... 

Well I don't know if I look different BUT I FEEL DIFFERENT and honestly after everything I could care less about how I look. It's how I feel!

The last month my Sx have been cycling daily. And, I have ever so slowly this past month noticed differences. I started noticing I wasn't holding on to the shopping cart for dear life. I went to a store and just shopped?  I went on a wknd trip for my sons hockey tournament and didn't freak out? I didn't even freak out the wk before hand knowing I was leaving? I jumped into the truck this last wknd and chatted with my hubby the whole way about an hour to a event. I wasn't looking for the nearest hospital. I didn't even notice when we left our town?  I drove out of town myself today! Lol...  I know this sounds stupid but it really is huge progress! My agoraphobia has vanished? I haven't had a panic attack in awhile and my anxiety has been turned down a few notches! My stomach pain and bloating has vanished! I have had this constant for over a year! I still am dealing with some disgusting belching and reflux...But, I will not complain.  My throat tightness is 80% gone.  It still has its moments....  My breathing is so much better...  Again still have moments here and there but I haven't had constant air hunger...  I have been able to work myself up to 2.5 miles of walking everyday.  Just 6 wks ago I could barely do 1 mile. I though my heart was going to beat right out of my chest.  I have been doing projects around the house, while the hubby and kiddos are gone during the day. I haven't been pacing the floor thinking I surely will die while they are away, lol!  I have been actually Sleeping all night every night and taking naps!  I am relaxed enough to nap? Sooooooo strange.....  And my facial flushing and burning cheeks have been very minimal.  And I am NOT reacting to it when it comes on, which is huge!  I haven't had that fear of everything...  Maybe a bit of anxiety when I feel something coming on, like the throat stuff or hot facial flushing. But the health fears have stayed minimal... 

And tomorrow my hubby and son are taking there first solo boys wknd in years...  As my hubby has only left me to work during all of this, bless his loving soul!  And guess what I am kinda excited to have the house mainly to myself this wknd...  My sister ofcourse will be checking up on me, ha! I over heard the conversation lol.... 

I truly never thought the day would come that I would be ok/maybe even enjoy a wknd to myself! Or that I would jump into the truck with a bag packed and be ok leaving the house for a wknd!

I am trying to not get overly excited as I know all to well how fast you can spiral down but for some reason this feels different.  It's not just a effortless mind day or a 100% window.  It feels more like a slow and steady baseline improvement.....  As I am not Sx free EVERYTHING is still there it's just on a much, much smaller scale. 

PRAYING IT WILL HOLD!

 

 

[[Mi...]]

Marj and Drew,

 

Hang in there!  I had one of my largest waves and set backs around 20/21 months and afterwards made one of my biggest leaps forward! 

I truly begged my hubby to bring me in to a psych hospital one night as I was completely convinced I had lost all my marbles.  It was definitely my biggest wave since acute.  I wasn't left alone for a straight wk.  It was a horror show but AFTERWARDS was beautiful!

 

Sending huge healing hugs

 

[[Ba...]]

Miss Jen,

 

Such good news that you're feeling so well. It sounds like you've really suffered a lot.

[[dr...]]

Miss Jen-you made my day.  It's a long struggle for me the last three weeks and your post reminded me this is temporary.

[[Co...]]

Jen!....you sound wonderful!....So happy happy for you....you deserve every bit of the joy of getting your life back..

  .Enjoy.......coop

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Oh, wow Jen, this is such good news and what progress to actually look forward to a weekend to yourself. How wonderful that must feel. Can only dream of it at the moment as like Drew it's just so bloody awful. I think possibly stress has made this worse as I have not had a week this bad for a while where it's almost wall to wall. No matter how many times we hear it, it's so hard to believe it's temporary.

 

Really hope this sticks around for you and yes I do remember that wave you had       

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Miss Jen,

 

Loved your post !  So glad you are feeling so well.  I am 17 months out and was doing better at a year than I am now.  Your post reminds me that I will heal, I just need to ride this out for however long my journey is going to be.  You have no idea how uplifting your post was.  I am so happy you are getting your life back !  Hugs, KB

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Jenn,

 

Way to go!  I will keep rereading your healed post until I'm done!

 

Love, Sofa

[[Wo...]]

Wonderful post Jenn. It's amazing to get aspects of our personality back that we thought might be gone forever. It's sort of like getting reacquainted with a friend that's been gone for two years. I'm sure your husband and your friends are ecstatic to have you back. Also, You described how I'm feeling the last month exactly. Symptoms are still there, but very minimal. I hope it continues to get better and better for you!

 

[[Mi...]]

  :smitten:

 

Thanks for the kind words everyone! 

 

I woke up wavy today, But even this wave is less intense! Disappointing that my Sx are reving up abit but even with the throat,breathing,spaciness,and internal vibrations I still got out of bed went and got my taxes done! Packed up my kiddos for there boys trip and am home alone all wknd.  I am not freaking out to the extreme like I would have before so all and all still doing ok! I am a little shocked at my Sx reving! Although even if I am not consciously freaking out maybe I am sub consciously kinda stressed about the wknd. It's the first solo wknd in 2+ years. So I am trying to stay calm and just remember how far I have come and this is a huge first step for me...  And trying to remind myself that I no longer need a safe person lol! 

With everything I have been through this re entry is going to be trickier than I thought?...

 

We are all healing, and I truly believe for all of us, This 18-30 month thread will be our last thread!  I have to say again, those of you working through this your my Heros!  Truly getting my taxes done today was a real chore. Having to be somewhere wavy wasn't easy!  You guys truly amaze me!

 

  Hope you all have A wonderful healing wknd!

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Hi Buddies,

 

Just wanted to check in and give you an update. I started my 27th month on Feb 2.  I sure hope it brings on the healing I've been waiting for.  I hate to report this but month 25 & 26 were the worst sx I have experienced. Seems unbelievable I know. The sx that I do have have gotten worse. My lower legs continually sting and my feet are always numb. My legs are very weak and it's difficult for me to walk. I've considered getting a walker. I'm also off balance (boaty) 24/7 and that seems to be getting worse.  This is very discouraging. I guess this is when one feels they will never get better.  I try not to think that but it does enter my mind.

 

I also got a new sx. It seems to happen every other day. I think it's total body Akathisia that feels like every nerve in my body & brain is firing at the same time. When it happens I cannot sit or ly down. I have to keep moving and pacing. This version lasts longer 12 to 28 hours. It's the worst thing I've every experienced. Have any of you had this?  I hope it doesn't come back. It's happened 4x in the last week.

 

Some good news is I am beginning to sleep better and longer. Still waking every 2 to 3 hrs, but go back to sleep. Can't sleep at all when the Akathisia is attacking me.  Also, I was able to go to the dentist. I hadn't been since 7/12, but I broke a crown and had no choice. I was lucky that day and my body was pain free and totally relaxed. All I had was boatiness, but not bad.  Go figure.

 

Another buddy  told me that she heard that others have  had tough months 25&26 and then after that the healing really began quickly. I'm hope that happens to me.

 

 

Ziggy - so glad your insomnia has improved. Sounds like you've turned the corner.

 

Jen - glad your seeing improvement. It must feel wonderful to get back out in the world. Just be patient and don't rush.

 

To all you I wish you the strength to hang in there until we all heal.

[[Fi...]]

Korbe--so sorry you're still having so much trouble.  It's true, though, what you heard, that people often feel quite bad at 25 & 26 months and then see some rapid improvement.  Hope that'll be the case for you.

[[Ba...]]

Korbe,

 

I've had akithesia and it is horrible. I paced constantly and was very frightened. It passed though.

 

My feet also sting and sometimes go numb. I think getting a walker is a good idea. I always feared falling, but I've regained my balance.

 

This is a time to just take care of yourself 

[[dr...]]

Hi all...my wave has been unrelenting.  I was up a lot of last night w cycling of anxiety/glutamate storms.  Fun times.  I've hit the point of being done fighting/trying to figure it out(always happens in a wave) and am just surrendering to the symptoms as best as I can.  Just beat up and this sucks.

[[ja...]]

Hang in there Drew, I'm cycling in and out to right now. It's got to end sometime. Keep the faith.

 

Love and hugs

Jackie :smitten:

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Hi, all.  Checking in.  I think I'm about 19 months out.  I've kinda lost count.  I am weary of counting.

 

How is everyone?  I have not been able to read back very far, but I might.

 

I was doing about 60-65% better the past month or so, but caught my daughter's cold last week.  I took one antihistamine (allergy) pill because my raw nose was pouring like a tap and I had an appointment I had to make.  I don't know if it was a combo of the cold and the pill, or just the cold, or just the pill, or neither, but I'm back in the black.  What else is new.

 

Has anyone heard from Nova?  I wonder how he's doing.

 

Hope you're all managing to manage ok.  This sucks, but we're still here.

[[dr...]]

Nova has been cycling in and out like most of us.