18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[Fi...]]

Hey Bluemoon--it comforts me to hear I've comforted you.  Thanks.

[[dr...]]

Hi all...posting the here too since I know a few f us don't stray too far on the board. 22 months off,

...

 

 

Well, another month down and I'm very happy about that.  It's been a bear as I've been in a wave since 1/12 with a rotating clusterf$(k of symptoms.  Mainly migraines,scal pain, exercise intolerance, loose tummy, insomnia where I wake at 4am every day, and other fun stuff that comes and goes.  I've just been revisited by thigh and neck vise like tension which I haven't had in many months.

 

Some things are way better....daily fear, cortisol wakeups, anxiety, panic, dr, all way less. That makes dealing with the physical crap easier.

 

At times. Get down and feel ill be stuck like this and other times I look at the symptoms I have and know it's all recovery.  I just try and go with it and not think ahead too much.

 

This basically sucks because at 22 months I thought I'd be way better but that's a common theme here.  I'm better but still pretty sick.  Not having a really good day in 1 1/2 months is tiring but I know it will change.  Just marking time. Onward I go.

[[ci...]]

drew, I am at 23 months CT now, and months 21 -23 were pretty rough for me, a lot of sxs rev up (bladder spasms, back pain, insomnia, night sweats, nerve pain).

 

But so far into month 24 things are calming down.

[[Bl...]]

Drew and Cindys-

Clusterf#%*k of symptoms is a perfect way to describe this Drew!

I am at 23 months today and I can definitely relate to the cycling symptoms. I did not have the rapid cycling over the past 2 years. It was mainly constant muscle soreness and tightness and chest tightness along with the waking up multiple times and cortisol surges and anxiety. The muscle and joint crap had let up for a couple months which was heavenly. And then I had return of POTS and night panic attacks at month 20.

As the POTS symptoms have calmed down somewhat recently, the muscle spasms and tightness have returned to my psoas muscles and that causes problems with tight hip flexors and sore piriformis. Also sore muscle blades and shoulder muscles. So I am back doing myofascial release on myself again.

Anxiety also cycles throughout the day and night. This morning I had the tight chest with costochondritis-like soreness and it's a feeling of anxiety in my chest--can't quite explain it. I also get the OCD song lyrics just going around and around in my head. Had a hard time getting to sleep last night but I finally did and got about 5 hours or so of sleep. So that is an improvement. I got some inositol powder since a few BBs have raved about how it helps with anxiety and insomnia. I am drinking it now and, maybe it's the placebo effect, but I feel a wave of calmness!

[[ci...]]

drew and blue moon, your cycles seems like mine. Some things settle down and completely leave, then return again to give me another kick in the ass. Some nights I get 5 hours and think, Oh I am almost done with this and get slammed.....no sleep for 3 nights......so tired of this, but the good news is after reading so many posts here, it seems this is the "normal" WD sh** and we are close to the end of this journey.

[[Bl...]]

drew and blue moon, your cycles seems like mine. Some things settle down and completely leave, then return again to give me another kick in the ass. Some nights I get 5 hours and think, Oh I am almost done with this and get slammed.....no sleep for 3 nights......so tired of this, but the good news is after reading so many posts here, it seems this is the "normal" WD sh** and we are close to the end of this journey.

I am hopeful that the rapid symptom cycling is a good sign of major healing since it is a new thing for me. Cindy, that is good news about us being close to the end of withdrawal-- that so many others who recovered went through a similar process.

At any rate, I am doing well with increased walking pace and am tempted to try jogging again. But will err on the side of precaution for now and just keep power walking. The goal is to try jogging maybe mid-March.

[[Si...]]

drew and blue moon, your cycles seems like mine. Some things settle down and completely leave, then return again to give me another kick in the ass. Some nights I get 5 hours and think, Oh I am almost done with this and get slammed.....no sleep for 3 nights......so tired of this, but the good news is after reading so many posts here, it seems this is the "normal" WD sh** and we are close to the end of this journey.

I am hopeful that the rapid symptom cycling is a good sign of major healing since it is a new thing for me. Cindy, that is good news about us being close to the end of withdrawal-- that so many others who recovered went through a similar process.

At any rate, I am doing well with increased walking pace and am tempted to try jogging again. But will err on the side of precaution for now and just keep power walking. The goal is to try jogging maybe mid-March.

 

I had a lot of rapid cycling of symptoms right before I had a major move forward in healing. Hold on to your hope!

 

We just got back from a trip to Nashville for a wedding. God that city has worse traffic than Atlanta. Several different occasions where people didn't secure items and they ended up in the middle of the interstate where I had to quickly dodge them. One happened right in front of me. Luckily those were only sofa cushions. I had a few sips of Alcohol. Not enough to do anything. Then today while we were driving back we got a call from my wife's sister that her dog got sick all of a sudden and they found out last night it was very advanced cancer. So we were racing back to Atlanta to get to their house so we could spend some time with him before the vet put him down. Next up we leave for another wedding in Las Vegas on Thursday. So really stressful week so far. For the most part I still feel ok recovery wise considering.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

[[Si...]]

Drew, congrats on another month milestone. Sorry you're not 100% there yet, but up you'll get there. As usual I'm right behind you time wise. I think this is nearing 23 months. So we're nearing the 2 year mark. Pretty big milestone. 

[[dr...]]

Sigs...you sound well.  Better cushions than the couch .  Sorry about the doggy

[[Fi...]]

I'm very glad to read about the signs of healing so many of you are registering!  It won't be long now 'til you're fully living your lives again.

[[...]]

drew and blue moon, your cycles seems like mine. Some things settle down and completely leave, then return again to give me another kick in the ass. Some nights I get 5 hours and think, Oh I am almost done with this and get slammed.....no sleep for 3 nights......so tired of this, but the good news is after reading so many posts here, it seems this is the "normal" WD sh** and we are close to the end of this journey.

I am hopeful that the rapid symptom cycling is a good sign of major healing since it is a new thing for me. Cindy, that is good news about us being close to the end of withdrawal-- that so many others who recovered went through a similar process.

At any rate, I am doing well with increased walking pace and am tempted to try jogging again. But will err on the side of precaution for now and just keep power walking. The goal is to try jogging maybe mid-March.

 

I had a lot of rapid cycling of symptoms right before I had a major move forward in healing. Hold on to your hope!

 

We just got back from a trip to Nashville for a wedding. God that city has worse traffic than Atlanta. Several different occasions where people didn't secure items and they ended up in the middle of the interstate where I had to quickly dodge them. One happened right in front of me. Luckily those were only sofa cushions. I had a few sips of Alcohol. Not enough to do anything. Then today while we were driving back we got a call from my wife's sister that her dog got sick all of a sudden and they found out last night it was very advanced cancer. So we were racing back to Atlanta to get to their house so we could spend some time with him before the vet put him down. Next up we leave for another wedding in Las Vegas on Thursday. So really stressful week so far. For the most part I still feel ok recovery wise considering.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

 

Siggy, you really are doing well. This is wonderful. So sorry to hear about the dog. Animals give us comfort in difficult times

 

It's funny as I felt this cycling of symptoms last week and then I had the upset with the cat, which has thrown me, especially as I strongly suspect that it was my vile neigbour that ran him over. This weekend I have been in total fight or flight mode. I'm telling myself that my hate feelings will do me more harm and that karma will sort him out. WD and intense emotions are so tough.

 

 

I hope you're right FJ 

[[Mi...]]

Keep moving forward Marj, you are doing great! 

 

My trip went pretty well!  I even bought my brother in laws car and drove it 3 hours down the freeway home😉    I am still dealing with stress responses but as I concur different things as in driving down the freeway I am hoping they start working themselves out.  I had another half glass of wine my third now this year😜

My goal is to keep pushing myself slowly.  I still have a major issue feeling trapped/stuck somewhere. I am hoping to be able to go back to work in September. As the stuck somewhere thing will hopefully keep improving...    I know I am not completely healed but I am still staying strong at about 85/90%!

I honestly don't know if what I need is more healing or some work on possibly some PTSD?  I am going to give it a little while longer before I consider anything but it has been on my mind.  My anxiety is so much better but I have this feeling of being just overall uneasy with everything.  Like is it finally over? Am I safe? Can I trust myself again?  Idk if this is a normal response to what we have been through? Or PTSD ? Or just simply the nervous system not fully healed?    And I don't want to sound ungrateful or negative in anyway! I am doing so very very much better I just can't seem to push myself all the way through yet and I am getting frustrated by my stress responses and lack of trust in myself to do simple things on my own!  I can go anywhere with my hubby but I really want myself and my independence back I guess???

 

[[...]]

Thanks for the update Jen. Yes we are moving forward all the time no matter what.

 

I can really relate to how you are feeling even though I'm behind you in the healing stakes. This last few days have really taken there toll and I honestly think if this hadn't happened I would be seeing improvements maybe, however all the emotion, anger and stress has drained me, it's almost like another PTSD. I'm working on it though and believe it will level out again. I'm sure I would not even have been able to deal with this before now and would have fallen to pieces, but I did even though it has impacted quite heavily and my body is heavy and sore.

 

I wouldn't push yourself too hard Jen, just go with what you think is relatively comfortable (a bit of a contradiction). I know what you mean though about being frustrated. I have no spontaneity and have my routine and don't really stray from it at the moment. I could not go on a trip, so be proud. I really believe you have to go easy on yourself as this is major trauma to our whole being.

 

Everything will fall into place eventually and you are heading that way, just try to pace yourself. I think we have all come this far and yes patience is running out and frustration gets us irritated, I know I am going to be on the no plan, plan until I don't feel so fragile.

 

Spring is round the corner and that is a time for renewal. I am going to go home and try to chill as I'm still in hyper mode. Oh and I had a terrible nightmare last night that had me literally screaming the house down. My son even came up to my room to see if I was OK and he takes some waking. I literally could not calm down 

 

 

[[ca...]]

Keep moving forward Marj, you are doing great! 

 

My trip went pretty well!  I even bought my brother in laws car and drove it 3 hours down the freeway home😉    I am still dealing with stress responses but as I concur different things as in driving down the freeway I am hoping they start working themselves out.  I had another half glass of wine my third now this year😜

My goal is to keep pushing myself slowly.  I still have a major issue feeling trapped/stuck somewhere. I am hoping to be able to go back to work in September. As the stuck somewhere thing will hopefully keep improving...    I know I am not completely healed but I am still staying strong at about 85/90%!

I honestly don't know if what I need is more healing or some work on possibly some PTSD?  I am going to give it a little while longer before I consider anything but it has been on my mind.  My anxiety is so much better but I have this feeling of being just overall uneasy with everything.  Like is it finally over? Am I safe? Can I trust myself again?  Idk if this is a normal response to what we have been through? Or PTSD ? Or just simply the nervous system not fully healed?    And I don't want to sound ungrateful or negative in anyway! I am doing so very very much better I just can't seem to push myself all the way through yet and I am getting frustrated by my stress responses and lack of trust in myself to do simple things on my own!  I can go anywhere with my hubby but I really want myself and my independence back I guess???

 

 

I literally could have written this myself and it seems we are under the same time frame.  I am also having major issues with being 'stuck'. I can't be stuck without a way out and that fear also bleeds into freeway driving.  We have so much traffic here that it scares me if i get stuck in a two hour traffic jam.  Hell even 20 mins would be torture for me.  Oddly i'm okay on regular road traffic becus i know i can turn and take another route or back street or hop into a store to wait it out.  So you are lucky to have that under your belt.  Must be so freeing.  Keep up the good work and you will no doubt be healed soon and try not to push too hard as it's bound to come one day.

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Marj 

 

Castillo, I am so sorry you are dealing with the same issues, they aren't fun. And, it's really hard to know what to do about it because I am not sure what I am for surely dealing with! Ugh...

 

 

And everyone seems to have a different opinion. My naturopath thinks it's just the nervous sx still working itself out along with trapped emotions. My psychologist thinks it's PTSD. And well I have no idea???    And I really trust both of them! So that leaves me

Oh well despite not being completely me it's been a beautiful day! I was able to clean my entire house. Open the windows in MINNESOTA, yay! It's almost 40 degrees, The sun was shining and I got grocery shopping done effortlessly in and out of stores....  So today was grand even though I am not me yet!

[[Si...]]

drew and blue moon, your cycles seems like mine. Some things settle down and completely leave, then return again to give me another kick in the ass. Some nights I get 5 hours and think, Oh I am almost done with this and get slammed.....no sleep for 3 nights......so tired of this, but the good news is after reading so many posts here, it seems this is the "normal" WD sh** and we are close to the end of this journey.

I am hopeful that the rapid symptom cycling is a good sign of major healing since it is a new thing for me. Cindy, that is good news about us being close to the end of withdrawal-- that so many others who recovered went through a similar process.

At any rate, I am doing well with increased walking pace and am tempted to try jogging again. But will err on the side of precaution for now and just keep power walking. The goal is to try jogging maybe mid-March.

 

I had a lot of rapid cycling of symptoms right before I had a major move forward in healing. Hold on to your hope!

 

We just got back from a trip to Nashville for a wedding. God that city has worse traffic than Atlanta. Several different occasions where people didn't secure items and they ended up in the middle of the interstate where I had to quickly dodge them. One happened right in front of me. Luckily those were only sofa cushions. I had a few sips of Alcohol. Not enough to do anything. Then today while we were driving back we got a call from my wife's sister that her dog got sick all of a sudden and they found out last night it was very advanced cancer. So we were racing back to Atlanta to get to their house so we could spend some time with him before the vet put him down. Next up we leave for another wedding in Las Vegas on Thursday. So really stressful week so far. For the most part I still feel ok recovery wise considering.

 

Hope everyone is doing well.

 

 

Siggy, you really are doing well. This is wonderful. So sorry to hear about the dog. Animals give us comfort in difficult times

 

It's funny as I felt this cycling of symptoms last week and then I had the upset with the cat, which has thrown me, especially as I strongly suspect that it was my vile neigbour that ran him over. This weekend I have been in total fight or flight mode. I'm telling myself that my hate feelings will do me more harm and that karma will sort him out. WD and intense emotions are so tough.

 

 

I hope you're right FJ 

 

Thanks marj, hope you're doing better today! Yeah, really sad to see him go, but at least he's not in pain anymore. I helped raise him from a puppy. My wife and her sister lived together before we got married. So I was over there all the time. He was a pound puppy, so sadly he's always been sickly. He was a really large dog and he scared the crap out of people that didn't know him. But he was a really sweet one though. The vet thinks he was a pit bull, labrador, great dane mix. The other dog is a chihuahua. He will probably live a pretty long time.

[[dr...]]

Small dogs never die 

 

My symptoms shifted.  Head stuff is less.  Shifted to my old friend vice neck and crazy ass body aches.  Vice neck unfortunately led me to get a headache which wasn't a migraine.  Plus no health anxiety it fear so this is easier.    oh well...haven't had this crap for at least six months.  Hope this is just a last hurrah of cornucopia symptoms.  That is all.

[[Mi...]]

You got this Drew!  Your so close, I have had some strange body aches ect...  The past couple of days but without the anxiety!  It's a whole new world with out the huge fears coming at you from the pains! 

We are so close Drew! 

 

[[Bl...]]

Still in symptom cycling mode myself. Anxiety has been down except I ate almonds yesterday and then had a spike of anxiety in evening--can't remember if nuts are high in glutamate. But I was just checking to see if I could tolerate almonds now--looks like the answer is NO. But, I have been able to add some foods back in like avocado, tomato, raspberries without kicking off a histamine reaction. So I am very happy about that.

I've had really bad muscle pain come back to neck, shoulder areas, shoulder blades, left hip and piriformis, thigh muscles. Mainly on left side--weird how one side gets so much more pain. But the chest tightness and pressure has let up which is a huge relief when it goes away. Also, very few palpitations the last week or so. Heart rate still a little high I think. Minor tinnitus in the background and occasional disrealization. It sounds like a bunch of us are getting close to all of this resolving!

 

[[dr...]]

Blue-that's funny you mention about almonds.  They are very high in glutamate but I am trying not to get caught up in this whole cut out everyhting saga.  I drink almond milk shakes(even make my own almond milk) with almond butter, flax, and a banana and I was wondering if I was getting a reaction because I felt weird after it.  Now that my body has hours of calm I can notice things that might trigger me easier.  For example, that tea I drank with skullcap(unknowingly) was crushing me and I haven't had a day as bad since I stopped.  After I drink the shake I can feel my heart rate pick up and breathing becomes shallow.  I tested it again yesterday and it was fainter so I assume on good days my abilty to eat what I want may return.  In the meantime, nuts are one of my go to's throughout the day say I am having trouble with what to replace them with.  I am already gluten free and loathe to cut out more. 

 

I am having my best morning in a long time.  trying not to what if because the last few times I felt this good I ended up getting a migraine aura.  Absolutely no anxiety and all other stuff dialed way down.

[[Va...]]

Hi all surviving folks,

 

Since one week I officially belong to this group, 18 months after forced ct.

 

Still have lots of intense symptoms. Most disturbing are: insomnia, dp, dr, brain pressure, problems with vision, muscle tightness, burning skin, not being able to sweat, concentration, memory, tiredness. Not being me. Im not functional at all.

 

Im afraid it will take another year. How to handle this? How will my loved ones be able to manage?

My boyfriend is doing so great, but another year??? I can only see him a few hours in weekends, then Im exhausted. We stopped talking about 'when you can, we will ... '

 

I know one day at a time, but did you see people heal within 24 months? I always believed lots of people heal within 18 months but havent seen many.

[[dr...]]

van..welcome and it sucks   the counselors who have helped thousands told several of us indivisually that most of the healing really starts to take hold in the 18-24 month  area.  That doesn't mean you get hit with a magic wand and you feel better.  For me my health fears, anxiety, and panics dropped off by a huge margin and it was almost overnight for me.  That being said I seem to be finishing up a really nasty wave that I've been in since Jan 12th.  It was one of my longest waves nonstop with a heavy rotation of symptoms.  The counselors also have told us around the 2 year mark(give or take a few months) for some unknown reason 60-70% of us out here will get walloped and then often feel a hell of a lot better.  The last thing that was mentioned to me by Baylissa was to not even map out a three year plan or anything as she has seen hundreds get rapidly well in this time frame.  Some with every symptom in the book.       

[[Bl...]]

Blue-that's funny you mention about almonds.  They are very high in glutamate but I am trying not to get caught up in this whole cut out everyhting saga.  I drink almond milk shakes(even make my own almond milk) with almond butter, flax, and a banana and I was wondering if I was getting a reaction because I felt weird after it.  Now that my body has hours of calm I can notice things that might trigger me easier.  For example, that tea I drank with skullcap(unknowingly) was crushing me and I haven't had a day as bad since I stopped.  After I drink the shake I can feel my heart rate pick up and breathing becomes shallow.  I tested it again yesterday and it was fainter so I assume on good days my abilty to eat what I want may return.  In the meantime, nuts are one of my go to's throughout the day say I am having trouble with what to replace them with.  I am already gluten free and loathe to cut out more. 

 

I am having my best morning in a long time.  trying not to what if because the last few times I felt this good I ended up getting a migraine aura.  Absolutely no anxiety and all other stuff dialed way down.

I know what you mean about not getting caught up in the panic of restricting diet to the point of starvation. I went there briefly out of desperation. Then I began to realize I was in danger of becoming malnourished and gradually have been adding foods back in. I think I am becoming less sensitive to some foods, but others like nuts that are high in glutamate, I have to hold off on for a while. I will try again with almonds in 4 weeks or so. I have found that foods high in glutamate definitely cause my heart rate to go up, but not as bad as a few months ago.

I have made my own rice milk in the past and it tasted so much better than store bought! I really wish I could eat almonds, pecans, etc--it is hard to find easy high protein snacks like that to maintain blood sugar stability and keep my weight up.

It is such a peaceful relief when the anxiety goes away. I am still enjoying my anxiety-free window today and I am so glad to hear you are having a great day as well, free of anxiety. I know what you mean about questioning it--I'm trying to just flow along with it and not letting any negative thoughts about waves come in. Just keep on keepin on in the glorious anxiety free window!

[[Va...]]

Thanks Drew!

 

I have been wanting to talk to Baylissa all this time but since Im Dutch, talking in English asks a bit to much of my tired brain. It is good to hear what real counsellors have to say.

 

I would be so happy to just turn a corner. To loose the dp an dr for a few days a week. To feel totLly me every now and then.

 

I must say I do have progress almost every week but it is very very tiny and lots of tiny bits seem to be needed.

 

I hope your wave will leave soon and you'll feel better than before!

 

 

[[ci...]]

Drew, I appreciate you sharing your conversations with Baylissa with us. Thank you so much!