18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

Still trudging rough my wave which started in earnest three weeks ago.  I had what was almost a two hour panic last night. That's unusual for me. I've had a very stressful week w my US wedding party(100 people), relatives staying w me, and nonstop activities. I pushed through as best I could but it all came crashing down yesterday. 

I'm working from home the week so I'm able to take it a bit easer. Getting hot w stuff like head pressure, thigh pain, etc...which I haven't had for a long while.

I met w my neurologist regarding my migraines. He WANs me to stay on the betablocker for a few months once we find a dose that prevents them. He said once I go a few months without a migraine we taper the meds as we just need to retrain the brain.  I'm hopeful there. He also didn't discount my benzo story.

All in all I'm tired and not too happy with where I'm at but not much to do but go through each day hoping it gets better.

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

You have been having such a rough time.  Lots of healing is going on with both of us, if the theory that the more miserable we feel, the more healing is happening.  I'm hoping, after this huge wave, we both see a raise in our baselines.  Maybe we'll be done with this.

 

Hang in there, Sofa

[[Si...]]

drew buddy! You'll get through it just like you have before. Hopefully the beta blocker will start helping soon. It can't be anywhere near as bad to come off of as this crap. Once all the obligations are over, just take it as easy as you can.

[[so...]]

Drew,

 

Siggy is right.  It's time for you to regroup and slow things down.  Wedding in New Zealand, honeymoon, US wedding party...wow...you've had a lot on your CNS plate!

 

I'm sure things will start settling for you now.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Hi all,

Just a quick post as I too am not doing too good after a really upsetting, stressful weekend that has taken it's toll on my poorly CNS. Yes Drew, just to keep you company,I too had a massive panic attack on Sunday that had me unable to breathe or stand. My poor beautiful daughter who is my rock did not know what to do. I have cried an ocean, really thinking I was going to end up going insane. This has not happened in a long time and scared the crap out of me. Took the day off work yesterday and thought I was going to be OK. Not so, anxiety all day, total stoned DP, blurred vision etc. Could really have done without this after a week of very little sleep. You know we do the best we can it in a horrible situation, day after day enduring horror, just wanting nothing more for this to end WHICH IT WILL.People lose friend and family over this simply because they do not get the horror show and then profess to know what we need to do to get better pffft. Anyway I've come to learn, as well as taken good advice from trusted fellow warriors that it is pointless trying to get a different perspective or understanding from some of our loved ones and we just have to hang on to the hope that once we are healed we can pick up those relationships as they were before. So I will pick myself up and dust myself down, forgive and move on. Fight another day of walking through treacle lol.

 

Love to you all, you are a great bunch and I'm so proud of you 

 

Did I say quick post? Oh well, got that off my chest even if a bit cryptic

 

BTW has anyone had horrible pain in the groin? Had me awake Saturday night. Gone now.

[[...]]

Drew,

 

Siggy is right.  It's time for you to regroup and slow things down.  Wedding in New Zealand, honeymoon, US wedding party...wow...you've had a lot on your CNS plate!

 

I'm sure things will start settling for you now.

 

Love, Sofa

 

 

Totally agree Sofa. Who could have done all that? Not me that's for sure. Be proud Drew 

[[Si...]]

HI marj, so sorry your feeling crappy and tired. I can totally identify with you. Eventually the roller coaster cart will make it to the platform and you'll be able to get off that crazy ride.

[[dr...]]

agree with slowing it down.  I am working from home this week and only leaving to run small errands.  Have to give cns a rest.  Sorry Marj you joined me.  Siggy...still good I hope?

 

Hi sofa

[[Si...]]

agree with slowing it down.  I am working from home this week and only leaving to run small errands.  Have to give cns a rest.  Sorry Marj you joined me.  Siggy...still good I hope?

 

Hi sofa

 

Yep still doing pretty well. Still have some head ache and pressure, light tinnitus and some mild sleep issues. No where at all near what it had been though. So I can't complain much. It's crazy how productive I can be now that I'm actually sleeping better. After going to work feeling terrible and on 0 hours of sleep for so long and then still coming home and doing chores, it's now easy.

[[Mi...]]

Sofa, Marj, and Drew

 

We are going to heal fully this year!  I have no doubt about it!

Sorry about the waves you all are experiencing.  My wave let up today. I went to bed with a splitting headache, vibrations, ect...  Woke up today better than ever.  Isn't it crazy???  You truly never know how you will wake! I haven't even really had any anxiety today???  Really weird!

 

Siggy, you sound great!

 

Texas, How are you doing this wk holding down the fort?

 

 

[[ci...]]

siggy, I am so happy you are doing so well. I remember your struggles with that brutal insomnia. Sounds like you have really turned the corner. Great news.

[[...]]

It is so-o-o difficult to live our lives at the pace our CNS is comfortable with.  I would like to have some friends left when all of this is over.  How many times can I cancel plans or turn down invitations ?  My CNS seems calmest when I have an extremely boring week.  Well yuk to that !  >

[[pa...]]

It is so-o-o difficult to live our lives at the pace our CNS is comfortable with.  I would like to have some friends left when all of this is over.  How many times can I cancel plans or turn down invitations ?  My CNS seems calmest when I have an extremely boring week.  Well yuk to that !  >

 

Friends???  I seem to remember something about friends... .

[[Fi...]]

Friends?  I was feeling great and made arrangements to have lunch with an old friend I hadn't seen in years.  I thought we were going to be talking about how great 2016 was going to be for us, but she started talking about being on Effexor for fifteen years and it had stopped working ten years ago and she had tried twice but hadn't been able to get off of it.

 

I just sat there taking all this in.  I didn't think it had bothered me that much and had a nice drive home on a country road in the sunshine. When I walked in the front door, though, my heart suddenly started racing and wouldn't calm down for several hours.

 

It's like my brain said, "Hey, I don't care how calm you act!  That's negative crap you're feeding me and I don't like it!  I'm gonna act out and do something to get your attention!"

 

Guess I'm not ready for the real world again quite yet.

[[...]]

FinallyJoining,  I tried telling a good friend about the dangers of Xanax and Benzos in general.  She did some reading and although she has no intention of getting off Benzos, she did have her Dr. switch her meds to valium IN CASE SHE HAS TO QUIT TAKING THEM.    I have given up trying to talk to anyone about withdrawal difficulties.  I am also limiting time spent with this friend. It is just too upsetting.

 

I read that Effexor has its own withdrawal problems.  Our CNS is just not ready to take on the problems of others right now. 

 

I guess I did not have very good coping skills when I first started taking Xanax in 1998.  I am learning to stay away from people and events that upset me.  I have a friend that is always looking at things in the best possible light and I have noticed that if I meet her for lunch, I leave feeling really good.  I am choosing to spend the remainder of my life with positive people. 

 

I hope that in the future our CNS gets back to normal whatever that was.  But for now, well, our CNS just can't take much upset.  I am sorry your luncheon with an old friend turned out to be so upsetting.  Hugs, KB

[[...]]

agree with slowing it down.  I am working from home this week and only leaving to run small errands.  Have to give cns a rest.  Sorry Marj you joined me.  Siggy...still good I hope?

 

Hi sofa

 

Yep still doing pretty well. Still have some head ache and pressure, light tinnitus and some mild sleep issues. No where at all near what it had been though. So I can't complain much. It's crazy how productive I can be now that I'm actually sleeping better. After going to work feeling terrible and on 0 hours of sleep for so long and then still coming home and doing chores, it's now easy.

 

 

Really good news that you are still feeling better Siggy and that the bad has calmed. It does sound like you've hit the breakthrough point. i do hope so. I think I've taken your insomnia place..... it's rubbish and I want to get of that ride, I don't like it!!!!

[[...]]

FinallyJoining,  I tried telling a good friend about the dangers of Xanax and Benzos in general.  She did some reading and although she has no intention of getting off Benzos, she did have her Dr. switch her meds to valium IN CASE SHE HAS TO QUIT TAKING THEM.    I have given up trying to talk to anyone about withdrawal difficulties.  I am also limiting time spent with this friend. It is just too upsetting.

 

I read that Effexor has its own withdrawal problems.  Our CNS is just not ready to take on the problems of others right now. 

 

I guess I did not have very good coping skills when I first started taking Xanax in 1998.  I am learning to stay away from people and events that upset me.  I have a friend that is always looking at things in the best possible light and I have noticed that if I meet her for lunch, I leave feeling really good.  I am choosing to spend the remainder of my life with positive people. 

 

I hope that in the future our CNS gets back to normal whatever that was.  But for now, well, our CNS just can't take much upset.  I am sorry your luncheon with an old friend turned out to be so upsetting.  Hugs, KB

 

 

Hi there KB, welcome to the thread from me.

 

I totally agree about us not being able to handle upset, hence my state at the moment. A fragile CNS needs tender loving care which is not always easy when we have to absorb others negativity and unfortunately our minds are like sponges at the moment. I believe our coping skills will be extraordinary eventually. We are learning all the time, even though it feels like we are on the knife edge constantly (I do). The fact that we are not in some asylum from all of this proves our strength. It's just hiding at the moment.

 

FJ that friend story sound too close to home, especially if you were not expecting it. It's like noooooooo, I'm just about done with that topic......... brain overload, sort of PTSD 

[[Fi...]]

FinallyJoining,  I tried telling a good friend about the dangers of Xanax and Benzos in general.  She did some reading and although she has no intention of getting off Benzos, she did have her Dr. switch her meds to valium IN CASE SHE HAS TO QUIT TAKING THEM.    I have given up trying to talk to anyone about withdrawal difficulties.  I am also limiting time spent with this friend. It is just too upsetting.

 

I read that Effexor has its own withdrawal problems.  Our CNS is just not ready to take on the problems of others right now. 

 

I guess I did not have very good coping skills when I first started taking Xanax in 1998.  I am learning to stay away from people and events that upset me.  I have a friend that is always looking at things in the best possible light and I have noticed that if I meet her for lunch, I leave feeling really good.  I am choosing to spend the remainder of my life with positive people. 

 

I hope that in the future our CNS gets back to normal whatever that was.  But for now, well, our CNS just can't take much upset.  I am sorry your luncheon with an old friend turned out to be so upsetting.  Hugs, KB

 

I think this is going to be a huge issue for all of us, and maybe even moreso for me since I'm planning to bring out this book I've written about it.  I guess I'm hoping people can just read it and get the heads up I wish I'd had.  I certainly have no intention of taking on other people's problems or trying to argue them off benzos.  The friend on Effexor didn't seem defensive; she seemed intrigued and kind of wanted to hear more.

 

Another thing that happened along these lines was that I went to a book group that was reading one of my previous books.  This was the first time I'd said yes to anything like this since I went on my No Plans Plan two years ago.  After we talked about that book, I told about my drug withdrawal memoir.  One woman, whom I recognized from a dance class I used to do, kind of gulped and said, "I'm on Xanax."  But she was already tapering off and actually seemed glad to hear she was on the right track.  So I ended up feeling like, darn, I've got to get my book out sooner rather than later.

 

But the next day I woke up to a day of crushing fatigue, something I'd left behind months before.  So I think I'm just not ready yet!

 

I, too, am blessed with one of those positive friends and I treasure her.  But even she has a daughter--born the same time as my 36-year-old son so that's how long we've been friends--who just had a hard time getting off Celexa.  She went to a new shrink who said, "Well, that's not even the right thing to prescribe for anxiety."  My friend didn't know what he had in mind to replace it, but you can all guess and this kind of freaks me out.  I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to my good friend's child.  I'm just trying to get her to read Anatomy of an Epidemic.  I can't save everybody, obviously, but I'm afraid anybody I care about it going to get the  bleeping, flashing, red-light warning about benzos!  Being the positive person she is, though, this friend seems to take this has a helpful warning and not something to get defensive about.

 

Yeah, I think our CNSs are out of whack.  I'm finding that things will still set off physical symptoms even if I'm outwardly handling them okay.  I  hope this will improve because it's not going to be possible to avoid all stressors forever!

 

Marj--just saw your post.  Yeah, that  friend is a writer friend and that lunch kind of freaked me out.  I have another dear friend I've lost completely because she's hooked on Vicodin and so deep into denial that I can't even be around her.  (I had to come off of opioids too)  I have a certain amount of anger to her because I can't help wishing she'd gotten clean ahead of me and then she could help me.  Now I could help her, but you know how one of the true hallmarks of true addiction is that you just can't put anything between yourself and getting that next fix. 

 

So I guess the topic here originally was friends, and I've definitely lost a bunch!

[[Si...]]

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. Hoping it all comes for everyone else soon too.

 

Oh no marj sorry you got my insomnia cooties! Maybe it will sort out soon. 

[[bl...]]

Jenn.....do you ever get throat dryness...my throat has been dry...and throat spasms....I hate this dry feeling when it happens on top of throat pressure....Feels like someone is squeezing throat muscles...at the same time throat is so dry...feel like gaging....

Can I ask.....who has completely removed all sugar from diet ...does dt soda....convert to sugar?

Jenn.....your diet...is good.....it's all withdrawal....I keep pushing off....having my stomach scoped....fears I'll not make it....at this state.....fear of going under....just taking my daughter to acute care the other night.....made me realize ....bugs crawling on skin....and numb lips and mouth...how messed up my system is....there is no words to describe the nervous system is in such overdrive...no doctor...can fix this mess.....which to me is very dark and scary...

thanks again....everyone for listening ....it helps me to get through each day....just knowing that there is others that feels like this....is a comfort....even though I dont wish this on know one.....

I still have days where I think clonazepam should be over....and it's something else....but when I listen to others and their symptoms sound so familiar...it makes me rethink

I get mad a lot on why I took the pills....I've always had major problems with meds....clonazepam ...seemed like a wonderful thing to no sleep from hysterectomy....but I was way better with no sleep then this way I'm feeling...no words can describe the terrible way I feel everyday...it's heartbreaking....

TM

 

Hello Texas mama!

I could have written your story of suffering as my own. Although, I am just at a little over 6 months out and my benzo was xanax. And I too had to have a hysterectomy (I've had to have 2 surgeries in the past year). I'm truly so sorry that you and all of us are suffering as we are. Please know that you aren't alone thru your journey!

 

Stay strong BB!

[[so...]]

Marj,

 

Something that works for me when I can't sleep--I get up and make a cup of hot milk and a sandwich.  I crawl into bed and I'm out like a light in 15 minutes.

 

I don't know if it will work for you, but it gives your brain and CNS something else to do besides keep you wide awake.

 

Let me know if it helps.

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Sofa and Marj,

 

Warm milk sure puts me to sleep !

[[...]]

The fact that we are not in some asylum from all of this proves our strength.

 

Marj,  That is such a great line !  LOL !  :laugh:

[[Te...]]

Hi everyone......just trying to catch up.....Siggy.....I'm happy for you.....

 

I'm just trying to focus on each day......same symptoms.....my dentist wants me to go to another specialist to have some biocomp testing for dental allergies.....last month did allergy testing on back which showed I'm allergic to some dental chemical....but my dentist said its confusing to tell if chemicals are in crowns I have in mouth....plus doesn't know what materials to use for temp crown in mouth ...been holding off on perm crown because of the nightmare in mouth and burning mouth issues......so confused...if I do expensive labs on biocomp ....idk....if this will even help..

Hey Jen.....did you say....the buddie who had teeth issues....did they have a success story...I didn't see.....if you replied ..

 

Blessed.......hello.....nice meeting you.....sorry about hysterecotomy ....

 

TM

[[Ba...]]

Kb45,

 

As you know, I was in an asylum for all this