18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

What  a wonderful post Miss Jenn!  So some of your mental stuff just dropped off rather quickly?  I have to believe the hypochondria a lot of us experience is a withdrawal symptom too.  When I am not wavy and get a weird sensation my response is a normal one.  Basically, we just have to survive each day until it improves.  Again, so happy for you.

[[Mi...]]

Thanks Drew!  It feels like for the first time in 2 years I actually am not afraid....  And I am for the most part on a new level of clearness/clarity. Idk the past couple months sx have been just dropping off ever so slowly and then all of a sudden I am driving or doing something and a old thought will come to mind and I will chuckle and think to myself OMG my mind/brain was really truly like high jacked!  Those fears they just don't make sense.  I am not by any means claiming 100% full healing but it feels close real close!  I have a lot of work to do and am certain I have abit of PTSD or something similar after going through this journey and still struggle with random stress response stuff and overall feeling of uneasiness but I suppose I wouldn't be human if I didn't!  Mentally I am getting there.  I have some minor aches and pains. Some real good days full of energy ready to take on the world. And other days fatigue. My heart pounding and racing has improved greatly. The spasms are more of a nucance then a major panic attack trigger!  I am dealing still with a strong acid reflux but dealing with it well and am interested to see the more my mind calms if that calms as well!  I strongly feel as I am getting better there will definately be a re entry to life phase for me!  There's going to be some major work to be done. Learning to trust yourself ect...  But right now I am just slowly floating to shore trying to rest up and really get re introduced to myself in a way!  The one thing I have learned is I am stronger than I ever possibly imagined myself to be. And I am not blind I am sure there will be some small ripples of waves in the water.  And some obstacles to get through as I have completely went to a no plans plan. Which I needed at the time to survive this process. But I believe it also makes that re entry to life in general a bit more challenging! All those walls I built to just survive this journey need to be gently taken down.  This is where some therapy really does help, IMO!  Every week since this new year I have pushed just a little bit!  Driving out of town solo a little further every time, going to that movie theater, spending a wknd away/ going out of town.  Not over analyzing every reaction.  Idk it's a process! But again I really believe we all have to some degree been traumatized. This non linear healing. Waves and Windows. Always waiting for what's around the corner. This journey affects your whole being. Emotionally, Mentally, Physically, and Spiritually.  So I truly believe this re entry is normal. We have all been on what seems to be a roller coaster ride to hell and back. And I think it's very normal to be a little hesitant when the ride finally stops.  And how can a ride like this not change a person and there entire being?  So I am taking it SLOW and STEADY. Not trying to win any race! As I said still dealing with a random stress response and the minute I start getting any physical response as in inner vibrations, breathing sensations, ect...  I know I have reached my stress limit for the day. So I retreat to home and take care of myself in a grand way! With kindness and encouragement! Like I said I have work to do. But I see it more now as healing. Instead of WITHDRAWL. Personally seeing it this way takes the fear out of it and brings in the light! And everything is much less intense! 

 

Sending Love to you all!

 

I will continue to check in! update my progress and see how you all are doing! But, I haven't been logging in every day as I have in the past. As I am focusing and giving my all to re entry! But please don't hesitate to PM me! This thread literally saved my life! And I truly am blessed to call some of the greatest people on earth my dear friends!  Don't ever forget how strong you are!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hang in there ya all!

Lots of Love, Miss Jen

[[co...]]

Thanks Miss Jen, very uplifting post. I'm looking forward to the day I can write something similar.

[[Fi...]]

Jen, it's so great to see you moving forward in your healing!

[[Bl...]]

Thanks Miss Jen! I really needed to hear the anti-Googling pep talk since I have been doing it WAY too much since last November when all hell broke loose again. I am so glad to hear you are making good progress. It gives me hope! I was making a lot of headway, I would say about 75% healed when I got slammed in November with histamine intolerance and major POTS symptoms. I would wake up in a panic at 2 or 3 AM with heart racing. I checked my blood pressure at that time of panic and it was 160/125. I had been to ER a few weeks earlier with reaction to resveratrol where my heart was racing with PVCs and blood pressure up and down. So scary and not the first panic ER visit either. My blood pressure also goes so low that I get light headed. Elevated heart rate a lot of the time--last year it was 65 bpm. Now it is in 80s or 90s. Cardiologist wanted me to be on beta blocker but sometimes my blood pressure goes so low I am afraid it would cause me to faint. I have been on such a limited diet due to food intolerances that I think my potassium level is screwed. Have started eating green bananas since ripe ones are too high in histamine causing reaction. The PVCs have calmed way down since eating green banana yesterday, so maybe it was indeed a potassium deficiency. I really feel like I am losing my mind since I was heading down the healing road and now I am back on the benzo hell highway. Sorry about rant but I am feeling pretty pissed off today. But I am so thankful to have a place to vent and I know you all know how scary and frustrating benzo withdrawal can be.

[[Mi...]]

Blue moon,  Be careful what you diagnose yourself with! It causes way more fear!  The histamine stuff, pots, potassium levels ect.....  Try just saying this is all WITHDRAWL nothing more nothing less!  And the Blood pressure high and lows!  I understand it so I know it's easier said then done!  My hubby used to hide my BP monitor from me.  My arms would be so black and blue from the amount of times I took it!  I had this crazy thought as long as my BP wasn't as high as it was my big ER cold turkey night then I would be ok!  I was so not rational! And that's ok it's all part of  WITHDRAWL...  Do you know your BP can go up just as high during normal excersize as a panic attack...  It's ok our body's are made to excersize and are extremely resilient!  IMO, if it's not super high daily like 24/7 your going to be just fine!  Ofcourse our bodys are out of whack right now.  Again IMO the best thing you can do is NOT label anything, other than WITHDRAWL unless you can actually get a scientific diagnosis! And not a doctor saying well maybe it's this or that. I mean concrete proof. As in blood test, X-ray. Ect....  99.9% of us all have similar sx and we all eventually heal...,  Eat clean! Pay attention to everything you put in your mouth and on your skin.  Your body is indeed healing and you want to stay away from all chemicals!  My house is completely chemical free. Well as chemically free as possible....  Honestly, I get headaches from windex...  Anyways enough of my rant...  I just know first hand labeling your self with this or that is so bad for your already exhausted nervous system.  And looking back it's amazing how much fear feeds off your labeling.  Now I am not saying don't listen to your body. I still hive out from gluten! So I have completely stayed away from the crap..  But I have not and will not label myself a celiac with a autoimmune disease. Until my body is fully and completely healed and I have all the tests done I need.  Until then I am just super sensitive while healing......    You are doing great! Keep going and remember to be kind to yourself

[[Bl...]]

Thank you Miss Jen--the support means so much to me. I am the opposite with the blood pressure monitor--I avoid it because I am scared to know what my blood pressure is doing. Although the last couple of times at the doc it has been just about normal or below. I think it only spikes during the panic attacks or when I have stressed myself with constant worry. I have gotten control of the constant worry mostly. I had a good afternoon working on my mini-farm. It is a blessing to have my work-- it has helped me on numerous occasions to distract me from symptoms. It is the nights that I dread the most, the waking up multiple times and the occasional panic attack that I never know when it will occur.

I do worry about autoimmune issues because I do have Hashimoto's thyroid disease. I will ask my doc about maybe doing antibody test for autoimmune pots just to ease my mind. All this crap probably is just withdrawal though.

Thanks again for the support and keep healing! 

[[dr...]]

Jen- I agree with you on the labeling stuff.  Dr.s are trained to almost always find a reason.  If they don't beleive in benzo withdrawal they will say it's something else.    Right now I can't tolerate gluten and I get a bunch of migraines.  I am just saying to myself this is a symptom that is here temporarily until my body heals further.  I've decided to take a beta blocker to help minimize the discomfort from the migraines but that was once I hit a point of just too much suffering.  Plus the beta blocker doesn't effect the brain like these poisonous pills we all got off of.  I also plan on stopping the BB in about three months and see where I am at if I improve.  I don't really drink alcohol or caffeine.  Again, I say this is a temporary deal until my body heals further. 

 

It is amazing how many things this crap mimics but we must remember it is withdrawal 99.58% of the time.  The other .42% that it is something else it is very slender odds it would be deadly.  We just don't die so easily.

[[Te...]]

Drew....the testing was done by a holistic doctor...testing done by frequentcy.....testing...its big in Europe .....I don't know how accurate it is....but it picked up on all my issues without him knowing..

Like he said I have huge inflammation issues in mouth....but he did know only about tooth pressure but he asked if I suffered from burning mouth....so the test picked this up without me telling him

Also picked up bulging disk in back......thrush...and parasites.....so idk

My mouth throat and stomach are burning sooooo bad today....you guys.....is this ever going to end....its bad enough that I can feel nerves in my teeth moving. 24/7.,,, the burning inside....scares me....sometimes it's even in the nose....like burning chemical......how can this be.....

 

Yo you know what scares me is when others tell me I'm still early in withdrawal.....im 2 years out and it's early......idk

 

Jen....thank you for your post...it made my day!

 

TM

 

 

[[...]]

Definitely stop googling! 

 

Hey ya All, just stopping bye. I have been feeling pretty good again! I have had only a day or two of not so great all month!  My stomach has really settled down my throat squeezes have calmed way way down. The anxiety and fear have went from 24/7 for two years down to mini spikes here and there.  The agoraphobia has 100% lifted!

I still have some minor intrusive thoughts now and then but I am hitting them straight out of the ball park. And the never ending health fears, I am starting to realize just how insane they truly are!!!!!  I used to say most all my sx were physical but now I REALIZE it's all MENTAL/EMOTIONAL benzo withdrawal induced..    No I am NOT saying I don't have any physical sx as I have had many many tests and ALL have showed muscle spasms! The throat, esophagus, even stomach.  I am just saying now that my mental state is finally improving my body is really CALMING down as well!  I have a lot more energy most days some I am still shot! But I can clearly see that it's perfectly NORMAL! Ofcourse our bodies are worn down and ofcourse our nervous system is still fragile when addition stress is added right now!  It's NORMAL!  My God what we have all been through!  So please don't Google!  Ofcourse our immune sx aren't up to par! It's NORMAL...  Anyone who has been through this ordeal knows the amount of stress your body has been through to sometimes just make it through to the next minute let alone 18 plus months!!!!  So yes our immune sx are probably shot right now. Our bodies, muscles ect...  Are shot right now!  But if you were healthy before you WILL be again. And I promise you, that when you get close to the end you will see this clearly and understand. Be kind to yourself do not add any additional stress.  If you have to cancel your internet, do NOT let yourself Google ANY medical conditions!  It is what it is WITHDRAWL until it isn't!

I am not trying to sound harsh I literally did the same thing.  But all it did was freak me out and make every ache and pain into some rare disease that was FORSURE going to kill me within the hour!  Every muscle spasm was something deadly! I FORSURE had throat, esophagus, and stomach cancer.  I also had heart disease and just knew I was going to have a heart attack at any moment.  The numbness and wired pains were for sure a sign I was sure to stroke out at any moment. And I had to be within 5 miles of a hospital at all times because my throat would surely close up on me at any given moment.  Oh I also was convinced I was going blind or had a brain tumor because my vision went from 20/20 to shit! I also thought for sure I was going insane of had some kind of mental illness!  Ofcourse googled and diagnosed myself pretty much into a straight jacket for the rest of my life.  Oh also at one point I had chrones and IBS. I also had lung cancer and/or asthma because my breathing was off. Most nights I couldn't fall asleep because if I didn't count my breathing Breaths I surely was going to quit breathing and die in my sleep. I actually slept fully dressed for about 2 years so I would be ready for the ambulance.....   

 

Anyways my point I kept saying all my sx were physical after the first year or so because my dr and psychosis episodes were pretty much non existent. BUT it wasn't until recently that I started to calm down emotionally and mentally. And it's amazing how strong our minds are and what it can do to the rest of our body.  Once my anxiety calmed my throat relaxed my stomach pains ect...  Started improving.  And I am not talking about normal Anxietys I am talking about crawl out of your own skin anxiety and the STRESS OMG the stress! Will I ever get better? Am I literally going to make it through the day alive Stress?  I don't trust myself, my own mind Stress!  The stress only a benzo WITHDRAWL survivor would understand!  So yes our bodies Ofcourse are having aches pains twitches numbing ect....  And yeah our systems are shot right now! My immune sx has been wretched. I have had influenza, Utis, kidney infection, respiratory infection, staph infection! It's been insane! And now dealing with a cold/respiratory and more weird boils/skin infection!  If someone literally looks at me while they are sick I get it.  But, somehow someway my body has been able to fight it all off! I am still here breathing, healing, and typing away....  And no I don't think I am forever doomed with a auto immune disease ect...  I am certain the stress I have been under has really messed up my entire sx. And I am going to continue being KIND to myself, eating only fresh whole foods as I am still extremely reactive to gluten ect. And doing yoga, meditation.  Only watching comedy and light stuff. Reading only encouraging posts! I love this thread!  And choosing love over fear! Including myself, truly loving myself window or wave! Reading amazing books on healing...  And NOT referring to Dr. Google! I refuse to do the what ifs anymore! I have freaking survived benzo WITHDRAWL! I will survive whatever comes my way!  If something is driving you crazy and adding major stress get it checked out if it's really adding to your Anxietys. But then let it go!

 

Love you All!

 

 

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!!!! I have just absorbed every POSITIVE word that you have written Jen  It's so weird how I can understand everything you are saying. Stress wreaks havoc with most people, however with us it is so huge, even smallish things that we would normally just take in our stride. Yes we are freaking surviving benzo WITHDRAWAL, so that tells us our strength is immense even when we feel weak, traumatized and fragile.

[[Bl...]]

Anyone else react paradoxically to supplements? My functional doc recently prescribed Relora in addition to Seriphos for high night cortisol and to help with stress. I have been waking up 2-3 AM religiously for several months now, a few times accompanied by panic attacks. I took the Relora one time and I felt like I had just drank 2 cups of coffee. Plus I did not get to sleep for several hours afterward. I have a call in to her about continuing the Seriphos as well since we are waiting for my 24 hour saliva test results. I would not be surprised if I am in stage 3 adrenal fatigue at this point--waiting to see if my cortisol levels are now constantly too low. I have also reacted the same way to Rhodiola and Ashwaghanda. And forget about any methylated B vitamins-- before this benzo crap I was taking maximum stress b vitamins with no problem. 

[[so...]]

Bluemoon,

 

I'm so sorry you are suffering like this.  I can't take supplements.  Everything revs me or makes me feel drugged.  I take nothing.  Just eat good food, drink water and wait this out.  This withdrawal will not beat us.  We have put in the healing time and we will recover when it is TIME.

 

Love, Sofa

[[Bl...]]

Hi Sofa--Yes--I think Relora is the last supplement I will try. The only one that I can take that helps is Tulsi tea-holy basil. I agree--this will not beat us. We will heal. For sure, this withdrawal process teaches patience 

[[Wo...]]

I agree with Sofa. Also exercise if you can tolerate it. It helps sleep immensely.

[[Bl...]]

What is so frustrating is I do exercise--I walk 40 minutes every day. Last year I was running about 30 minutes every other day but cannot tolerate that since November 2015. I just have to keep on walking and eating a healthy diet. I meditate too and I try not to stress and worry. But sometimes it is hard not to. I think lack of sleep is taking its toll.

[[dr...]]

Almost every supp I took whacked me good. As wonderful as naturopath docs are I still feel they know nothing about benzos.  Mine didn't deny it but kept having me try all these different things that would help "normals".  We are anything but normal.  I'm firmly in the "let my body heal itself without anything" whenever possible.

[[Bl...]]

Drew--I think it has finally sunk into my addled brain that I should lay off trying any supplements. I have a big plastic bag full of them under the sink. I am patiently waiting for CSN healing. Oh, who am I kidding--after almost 2 years I am impatiently waiting 

[[St...]]

I am currently 15 months out and find myself in quite possibly my worst wave yet after trying a B12 supplement. I only took one spray yet my nervous system freaked out for about 48 hours, now i'm just left with being in a nasty wave and feeling like i've got benzo flu. This is the third different kind of B12 supplement i've tried as i'm borderline deficient but i won't be trying another one for at least a year or until i am fully recovered

 

The ONLY supplement i'm able to tolerate is this one i've found with Omega 3 and Vitamin D in it, i'm stuck indoors most days so it's probably good for me to get some Vitamin D and my Omega 6:3 ratio was 27:1 when it should be no more than 3:1 ideally. I've also read a lot about the neuroprotective and regenerative potential of Omega 3 so i'm pleased i'm able to tolerate that one

 

"There is substantial evidence that omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids (PUFAs) have therapeutic potential in neurology and psychiatry. Spinal cord injury (SCI) and traumatic brain injury (TBI) have dramatic consequences, and no neuroprotective or neuroregenerative treatment is available. The pathogenetic mechanisms involved in SCI and TBI include excitotoxicity associated with increased glutamate, oxidative stress and neuroinflammation. Studies have shown that omega-3 PUFAs can induce significant neuroprotection in SCI. In rat hemisection and compression SCI, long-chain omega-3 PUFAs such as docosahexaenoic acid, administered within the first hour after injury, can reduce neuronal and glial cell death, limit oxidative stress and the inflammatory cascade triggered by the primary injury, and improve neurological function. Emerging observations in TBI support a similar neuroprotective potential. Omega-3 PUFAs also have neurotrophic properties. These findings support the idea that treatment with omega-3 PUFAs could represent a promising therapeutic approach in the management of neurotrauma"

 

[[Bl...]]

Stuckindoors--I can empathize with you about the B12. I have tried to take methylated B12 and methylated folate and they wired me up so bad I could not sleep. The only B12 I can tolerate is cyanocobalamin since it requires a process by the body to break it down into useable form.

 

The more I read about it, the more I think some of my current problems are histamine related. I get The Low Histamine Chef's newsletter and she did an interview recently with a Harvard-trained psychiatrist regarding histamine intolerance. Very interesting:

thelowhistaminechef.com/interview-dr-Georgia-ede-on-histamine-anxiety-and-depression

 

I also take omega-3 in the form of fish oil capsules as well as vitD/K2 liquid. I definitely have a lot of inflammation going on and I have started taking quercetin + C which is helping quite a bit in reducing histamine reactions.

I hope your wave lets up soon--the wave I am currently on is a bad one and I am looking forward to a window soon.

[[dr...]]

I'm sorry to say this but we all are no different than all of us before us.  They all have searched for what can be wrong or contributing to us feeling so bad and e Rey time it all clears up with time passing.  Everyone I know on here including me has so many different supplements in their cabinets they can open a store to sell them.

It's all benzos and we just need to let our bodies do our thing. Make your life stress free as possible and ride it out as best you can.  Very difficult but once you accept the process and stop searching it gets a little easier. 

[[dr...]]

The really bad wave is gone for now.  I haven't had glutamate/adrenaline storms for a few days.  Just back to manageable baseline with head crap and other stuff.  It's a start.

[[Si...]]

The really bad wave is gone for now.  I haven't had glutamate/adrenaline storms for a few days.  Just back to manageable baseline with head crap and other stuff.  It's a start.

 

Glad you're coming out of it. Onward and upward!

[[Bl...]]

Drew--Do you think my histamine problems are most likely due to benzo withdrawal? The only relief I have gotten is to eat a low histamine diet and to take quercetin and some other anti inflammatory foods and supplements. The itching and red skin patches go away when I don't eat high histamine foods. Still am having problems with low blood pressure and insomnia/sleep disturbances and fast heart rate at times. Anxiety seems to be better though.

Interestingly, (in a crazy way), my father has same problems with high histamine foods and other foods as well. And atrial fibrillation. And, guess what! He is on Xanax. 

[[Fi...]]

I'm sorry to say this but we all are no different than all of us before us.  They all have searched for what can be wrong or contributing to us feeling so bad and e Rey time it all clears up with time passing.  Everyone I know on here including me has so many different supplements in their cabinets they can open a store to sell them.

It's all benzos and we just need to let our bodies do our thing. Make your life stress free as possible and ride it out as best you can.  Very difficult but once you accept the process and stop searching it gets a little easier.

 

Drew's is a voice of wisdom here and I agree with what he says.  This is so not about finding the magic supplement you can tolerate. It's about learning to tolerate feeling lousy for so damned long while time does its job. 

 

Try to embrace the positives of knowing you DON'T need to sort out supplement stuff and you DON'T need to run over and subject yourself to the opinion of a doctor who knows less than you do about yourself at this point and will then bill you for his lack of knowledge.  Also, you get to skip the stress of having to argue with him!

 

Drew--I'm so glad you're pulling out of this.  I have watched you grow in grace throughout this and I'm so looking forward to your final healing!

[[Bl...]]

Will be taking a break from posting for a while. I seem to be aggravating folks with my quest for what is causing my symptoms. I am the type of person who is interested in the biochemistry behind all of this benzo s*^t and I will keep researching so that I understand it. I have found some supplements that have helped alleviate some of my symptoms and, for me, it was worth the search.

I wish healing to everyone!!!