18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[...]]

Thanks Jen, yes I totally agree with you about the heightened emotions (negative ones). I don't feel as angry today, just generally frustrated. When I got home last night I totally flopped out after I cooked my 2 their dinner. I felt nauseaous and devoid of all energy. Didn't do the cake, just couldn't. Anyway after a rubbish night I have muscle spastisity which makes me feel like I have MS  I slept really well last week when I was off work. Just telling myself I need more time and doing really well under the circumstanses and to keep going. I'm sick of complaining on here and can't wait for the day when I can report positivity........ time.

 

OK I'm going to say a positive; yes I have muscles, tendons etc like breeze blocks and the tightest rubber bands which is uncomfortable but no other pain. 

 

Good to hear your trucking along....... keep on trucking. 

 

Hope everyone else is soldiering on

[[go...]]

Hey everyone! I happen to be doing really well at the moment. I want to share some simple things that are helping me.

 

1. Yoga! You can do it from home but if you are able to get out I highly suggest a studio. Find one that offers restorative and plenty or classes geared towards beginners. It took a while but now it is giving me such piece and calm.

 

2. Walk. I walk a minimum of 30 minutes everyday.

 

3. Magnesium. (If you can tolerate) I drink a powder called Calm. It really helps me relax and get some sleep.

 

4. Self talk. I use positive self talk throughout the day. When a bad thought comes in I go straight to the positive self talk. It really helps to do it at night right before you fall asleep.

 

5. Psychologist. This really should be up there with yoga. If you are having any type of anxiety find one that does cognitive behavioral therapy. There are studies showing this to be more powerful than benzos and it is true. It has helped me tremendously.

 

These are just a few things that really help me. I take things day by day. I know I will have bad days ahead but I also know I will get thru it. I believe if we can get thru this benzo crap that we can get thru anything! 

[[Fi...]]

Hey, goldilox!  These were my exact five favorites too!

[[St...]]

New symptom query?!? When I'm trying to fall asleep I can hear an annoying humming sound like the whole room is pulsating/vibrating. Can anyone relate to this?

 

It's making it really hard to sleep :'(

[[so...]]

Stuck,

 

I've had constant pulsating and whooshing electrical currents in my head 24/7 since I jumped CT 15.5 months ago.  The room doesn't pulsate though.  My head does. 

 

I hope this goes away for you soon.  Is this a new symptom for you?

 

Sofa

[[...]]

Hi guys,

 

It's been awhile since I've messaged a group. I've just been visiting the protracted link. Today I thought I'd check out a support group and I'm sad to say I'm no longer in the group I used to visit. I'm now 19 months off so here I am in the 18-30 months group. I'm in a bad wave. Of course I'm bummed and hope it only lasts a few days. It was interesting to see how much Bailey has spent. I know I have spent over $10k and I lost track after that. The swooshing and roller coaster in the head feeling has been with me through tolerance and now withdrawal.

 

Sorry we're all here but there's no place to go now but through  :'(

[[Be...]]

Exactly ejat I have been having and what I have. I think it is here to stay. I will believe it when I see it.

 

Till then the torture goes on

 

Fucking pills

[[Sk...]]

Thanks Jen, yes I totally agree with you about the heightened emotions (negative ones). I don't feel as angry today, just generally frustrated. When I got home last night I totally flopped out after I cooked my 2 their dinner. I felt nauseaous and devoid of all energy. Didn't do the cake, just couldn't. Anyway after a rubbish night I have muscle spastisity which makes me feel like I have MS  I slept really well last week when I was off work. Just telling myself I need more time and doing really well under the circumstanses and to keep going. I'm sick of complaining on here and can't wait for the day when I can report positivity........ time.

 

OK I'm going to say a positive; yes I have muscles, tendons etc like breeze blocks and the tightest rubber bands which is uncomfortable but no other pain. 

 

Good to hear your trucking along....... keep on trucking. 

 

Hope everyone else is soldiering on

 

The rollercoaster of emotions is scary. Marj, it's the one thing I really struggle with.

 

I get so angry and easily frustrated, so I really relate to what you are saying.....

 

In a couple of days, I will be at 28 mon ths out, can you believe it ?

 

It's not as bad as it used to be, it really isn't. But there are struggles still.

 

THis is not protracted, it's just the ironing a few more wrinkles out phase !  

[[ca...]]

Thanks Jen, yes I totally agree with you about the heightened emotions (negative ones). I don't feel as angry today, just generally frustrated. When I got home last night I totally flopped out after I cooked my 2 their dinner. I felt nauseaous and devoid of all energy. Didn't do the cake, just couldn't. Anyway after a rubbish night I have muscle spastisity which makes me feel like I have MS  I slept really well last week when I was off work. Just telling myself I need more time and doing really well under the circumstanses and to keep going. I'm sick of complaining on here and can't wait for the day when I can report positivity........ time.

 

OK I'm going to say a positive; yes I have muscles, tendons etc like breeze blocks and the tightest rubber bands which is uncomfortable but no other pain. 

 

Good to hear your trucking along....... keep on trucking. 

 

Hope everyone else is soldiering on

 

The rollercoaster of emotions is scary. Marj, it's the one thing I really struggle with.

 

I get so angry and easily frustrated, so I really relate to what you are saying.....

 

In a couple of days, I will be at 28 mon ths out, can you believe it ?

 

It's not as bad as it used to be, it really isn't. But there are struggles still.

 

THis is not protracted, it's just the ironing a few more wrinkles out phase !  

 

SkyHD- would you say that at 28 months you feel well enough to travel?  Even with the remaining sfx to iron out?  When i reach 28 months i have to make a trip(as passenger) in a car for 6 hours. I'm a little worried  . I know i'm getting ahead of myself but i hate not being able to predict the outcome.  Being squished in a fast moving metal space is not my idea of fun even with all the great scenery around me.  Considering I still find it difficult to make it across town.  I still havent in over two years.

[[Mi...]]

Castillo,  I know EXACTLY what you mean. Just recently I have done really well with traveling. I am Ofcourse just the passenger but that in its self is a huge victory!  And really started turning around for me greatly at 24 months...  I know we are all different but I was real bad when it came to traveling. I would put my sun glasses on (so my kiddos couldn't see) and just cry my eyes out and hold on to something for dear life...  I was a absolute mess!  I was convinced that my throat would close or my heart would beat straight out of my chest or a million other health fears that were sure to kill me on the trip. It really was wretched.....

It really is amazing what our brains/ mind goes through during This journey...

Try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done! But try to just focus on today. You never know tomorrow you maybe on your way to healing fully...

[[ca...]]

Castillo,  I know EXACTLY what you mean. Just recently I have done really well with traveling. I am Ofcourse just the passenger but that in its self is a huge victory!  And really started turning around for me greatly at 24 months...  I know we are all different but I was real bad when it came to traveling. I would put my sun glasses on (so my kiddos couldn't see) and just cry my eyes out and hold on to something for dear life...  I was a absolute mess!  I was convinced that my throat would close or my heart would beat straight out of my chest or a million other health fears that were sure to kill me on the trip. It really was wretched.....

It really is amazing what our brains/ mind goes through during This journey...

Try not to worry. I know it's easier said than done! But try to just focus on today. You never know tomorrow you maybe on your way to healing fully...

 

Wow congrats on braving it and i imagine vacationing with your kids can be a bit overwhelming too  . Was it a trip for pleasure or was it mandatory.  My trip is in process becus of a wedding and i do have an option to opt out.  But if i opt out then i'm the only person left behind and being entirely alone doesn't sound too appealing either lol. One of my biggest fears is the heart thumping a million miles for 6 hrs straight and possibly the whole stay there and the 6 hrs back.  It seems like added on stress one wouldnt need.  Would you say you are in better travelling condition now?

[[Mi...]]

I have been traveling a lot for my 15 yr old sons hockey...  Tomorrow we are leaving for a 5.5 hour drive for another tourney and if they win next Friday it will be 3.5 hour drive.  I haven't went that far yet😜! I am fine with it. Some bad memory's pop up here and there but I am hitting them straight outta the ball park!

My big next step I am working on is being ok doing this kinda stuff without my husband! Like I used to be.  I am NOT to that point yet but taking baby steps!

I feel I have one foot in and one foot out if that makes sense? 

You will do great when the time comes! Remember dong get to ahead of yourself it just adds on stress that you don't need.

[[Te...]]

Jen.....you sound so happy.....YOU have some such a long way ........awesome

 

Do you still have some heartburn issues?

 

Hugs to everyone!

TM

[[Bl...]]

Miss Jen--huge ice hockey fan here myself

So great to hear you slam those bad memories out of your mind! Baby steps are good--progress!

Have fun and enjoy those hockey tourneys!

[[ca...]]

Yes Miss Jen!  You sound like you are accelerating to healing fully!  And having fun in the process.  I wish i was involved or knew someone involved in sports.  It must be so fun to feel the excitement of team spirit!  Also would crying be considered 'hitting them straight out of ballpark'?  I think i'll be doing alot of that.  On one hand crying is so cleansing but on the other it seems to make me uncomfortable from tensing up from my ugly cry.  Yep i have the ugly cry face lol

[[Mi...]]

Texas,  yes my GI stuff is still full blown! GERD, reflux, and the burn...  It's wretched! Although the throat stuff has let up a lot as the anxiety has went down to a whole new level 90% of the time.....

I sure hope this GI stuff lets up fully or atleast half?  But with that said GI stuff has always been apart of my life. But and a BIG BUT, it was never ever close to as extreme as it is now. It's honestly ALWAYS THERE.    How is your tooth and mouth pain?

 

Blue moon, Thanks!  It's my sons last year of youth hockey. So, I am soooo very greatful to be able to attend. I went to them all last year Allthough I don't really remember much.  And it was so intense just getting the mail I have no idea how I survived. But I did!

 

Castillo, the ugly cry face I know all to well.  I remember crying for days literally. I didn't even know what I was crying about, I just balled my eyes out.  It's the process!  And yes the team spirit is a lot of fun. Allthough it's intense....  My heart really goes crazy watching my son.  The nervousness of him getting hurt is abit much for me.  He is Center and the smallest on his team. Allthough he is the fastest as well but it's still nerve racking.  I am still dealing with stress response BIG TIME...  Don't get me wrong I am much much better but my stress response is still very heightened. My son got a concussion this year and when he is out there with some kids twice his size it can be hard to digest...  Last wknd my heart rate was Btwn 90-112 the entire game! (I have a fit bit) So I packed some sleepy time tea for this wknd. Hopefully that will help take the edge off, lol? 

 

Sky,  ironing out a few more wrinkles stage,  love it!  I am definitely with you there...

 

 

We have all came so far in this journey! And, we are all so close to the end.  This has honestly been absolutely more than anyone living soul should have to endure. But, we are doing it! We are surviving and after this wow, how strong have we all become....  Really guys, make sure you are being ever so kind to yourself.  And remember how strong you all are. Even in your worst moments don't ever forget,  remember how far you've come.  And making it to this thread 18 plus months, be ever so proud of yourself! You all really truly are my Heros!

 

:smitten:

 

Love, MJ

[[...]]

It is great to read this Jen and I’m so please that things are holding for you. Hope you can enjoy your trip this weekend.

 

It has been my son’s 16th birthday this week so of course this is always potential for stress as you want it to be good for them. Anyway I managed, made him a stupendous cake, we went out for something to eat which was a bit shakey and I had anxiety but did it. Yesterday I had a full on day and had to take him for a college interview, was totally exhausted and had to drive through rush hour traffic home. Was pleased with myself and was counting this as victory. Last night one of my cats came in with really bad injuries that looked so bad I was in a state. I was in the middle of cooking dinner and had to pick my daughter up from work. I took him to the vets hoping that he would be ok and it wouldn’t be as bad as it looked. Had to have him put to sleep as his injuries were too bad and then break the news to my kids who are devastated as am I. Honestly is there a purpose to all this? This little guy could really hurt as he did like to bite but would come and sit next to me when I was struggling.  There always seems to be something that p!sses on your bonfire. RIP Percy 

 

[[Mi...]]

Marj, I am so sorry about your cat. I had a golden retriever named Daisy who got ran over during this process last August. And she barely left my side year 1 of wd.  It was really really hard......

The emotions were really hard to process in wd.  It seemed really amplified!

Again so sorry for your loss Marj

Sending Hugs

[[...]]

Thanks Jen, it is hard enough without wd. I hate to see my kids so distressed and yes the amplifying of emotions and thinking it over and over. I love dogs too and I can understand how devastated you would be to lose her. They have their way of comforting us and seem to know we are suffering. So sorry about Daisy. Retrievers are such a gentle lovely breed 

[[dr...]]

sorry about Percy, Marj.  That just sucks. 

 

Jen-great to hear you are doing well. 

 

I am going along daily in this crappola wave since mid Jan.  Every day it's something different.  Yesterday, I couldn't talk on the phone to my clients with out getting flash panics.  I also had trouble having regular conversations and going into stores.  Add in muscle/nerve pain and twitches and I am just tired of it all. Like all of us. I am getting pains in areas I don't usually have them like groin and side of rib cage....oh well...nothing to do but ride it out.  Luckily, I have no health anxiety over it so just laying low as much as I can. Like all of us.

 

Today we shall see what the world brings.

[[Fi...]]

Drew--I have seen this pattern in myself as my last symptoms diminish and taper away.  It's like my brain is fixing one thing today, another place tomorrow.  Two years ago this was so stupidly baffling.  Now it seems like just the way it goes.  Hang in there. 

 

And so sorry about your Percy, Marj.  It's a tough hit in the middle of this.

[[dr...]]

I really hope this is the last big gasp of the beast.   

[[...]]

Sorry Drew,

 

You're a real trouper,  this is tiring beyond belief. We'll make it though, how can we not when we have endured so much. I spoke with a lady at BT as i was concerened that on my sons birthday last year I remember it being a better day. She said it means nothing and not to compare. The real deal is that I am nearer recovery right now than I was then. This really helped me as I think our brains get freaked at the non linear healing process. She said this was because that is our experience of healing in general and this makes no sense to us. She has also gone through this.

 

Thanks FJ, this has traumatized me and I have to be strong for my kids. I love them so much, it is unfair. I can also elate to what you are saying and sort of felt that this week until last night when the gloves came off again 

[[Fi...]]

Marj--sometimes I think we look back and, like you, wonder what the heck is going on because it SEEMS like we were better a year ago.  But we weren't.  The underlying healing hadn't happened.  I can look back and think of work I was accomplishing on good days, but when I really remember, I know that my CNS was still really fried back then in a way it isn't now.  I think it's often a matter of faulty perception and not remembering correctly when we somehow think we were better before.

 

And of course there are periods where yes, we are worse.  But that doesn't mean overall we're not moving in the right direction.

 

Every day, whether it's good or bad is, by definition, one day closer to the day when we'll feel 100% healed.  That is a simple fact!

[[Bl...]]

Marj--sometimes I think we look back and, like you, wonder what the heck is going on because it SEEMS like we were better a year ago.  But we weren't.  The underlying healing hadn't happened.  I can look back and think of work I was accomplishing on good days, but when I really remember, I know that my CNS was still really fried back then in a way it isn't now.  I think it's often a matter of faulty perception and not remembering correctly when we somehow think we were better before.

 

And of course there are periods where yes, we are worse.  But that doesn't mean overall we're not moving in the right direction.

 

Every day, whether it's good or bad is, by definition, one day closer to the day when we'll feel 100% healed.  That is a simple fact!

It is comforting for me to read what you have written 

I look back to last year and I thought I was progressing and was gradually getting better. Then I recently had a major setback, but that is just how my healing journey is going. I recently started noticing improvements in POTS symptoms and it is such a relief--physically and emotionally. I was really starting to doubt that I was ever going to get better. I have felt better the past few days--still have a ways to go, but, day by day, I think I am healing.