18 - 30 Month Plus Group

[[dr...]]

It is Siggy.  I woke up at 3:45 and didn't fall back asleep but no headache.  As the day wore on I clenched my jaw and now have a tension headache but it's one I can handle.  I'm definitely in a more wavy period so just keeping it low n slow.  I was hoping to see a good update from you 

[[so...]]

I like your new avatar Siggy!

[[Co...]]

Miss Jen...thanks so much!...Yes I had the barium swallow...easy peasy...it's not very much ...and I had absolutely no side effects from it.. maybe some minor diarrhea. If you decide to do it don't worry about it. It will help them see how your system is functioning. ...It seemed to me that my body cleared it by 12 hours

  My study did show 2 hernias an hiatial and an umbelical ...not large, but like you say the upper one moves up and down...also an esophageal spasm in.  I had none of it until this summer . So, say what you will about seeing the doctor , I stand by what I have always thought was right for me...If it's worrisome or new or really painful I get it checked out...even if it's only for reassurance. Sometimes everything  is NOT w/d. ...I was having some wonky eye issues and found out I have early m. degeneration ( age related...not w/d).. I just have some drops that will help keep it in check

  I cut out most diary and I think that helps too...I appreciate so much your reply....my physician recommended pt for hernia too.. I was surprised , but he knows I am not doing a surgery unless I am dying...

  You sound like you are really getting better..thanks again.

I am not on the thread hardly at all anymore.....but I lurk from time to time.  ...coop

[[Si...]]

I like your new avatar Siggy!

 

Ha ha thanks! 

 

Thanks drew. Hope you get some rest tonight.

[[Co...]]

Miss Jen...I got through this by accepting each day as it presented itself...including my feelings ...both negative and positive. It is brutal to feel  good and then bad and good and then bad ...over and over for 2 years. Sometimes I was very successful at positive self talk and it helped in that moment, hour or day. Other times were fears and intrusive thoughts were overwhelming and it was a much bigger issue than self talk.  It was a matter of enduring and getting through...even at 23/24 months.  On those days I sobbed ...alot. None of us wallow in this a's I see over and over people pushing themselves through fear, migraines, panic, pain , d/r, agoraphobia, fatigue and depression ... doing everything we can to live normal lives.. my heroes are the ones going to work every day with a list as long as your arm with sx...IMO...mind over matter and self talk and re-framing your perception is helpful when it helps....and when it doesn't it's because this stuff is so much bigger on many days

  Re-framing your perception is one tool....but when you are not feeling well and discouraged and anxious...please do not waste one moment adding yet another thing to beat yourself up over.  This is so hard...All feelings are accrpted...and as we all know, we can feel like we are dying and it will never end one day...and get up in the morning feeling 90%....that was not a re-frame of your perception....that is the process..

    You are doing great ...on your good days and on your bad days...reframing is a good strategy...but when it doesn't help...let it go and be kind kind kind to yourself........coop

[[Wo...]]

I'm amazed at the hiatal hernia thing. After reading your posts I googled it, and I'm blown away. I would be shocked if I didn't have one. I don't diagnose myself though, so I'm going to get that checked out ASAP!

[[Fi...]]

My husband's had a hiatal hernia for years.  It doesn't have to be that big of a deal.  Just don't lie down after eating.

[[Wo...]]

I wish it were that easy for me, but sadly it's not.

[[Fi...]]

Hey wondernova--sorry if it's a big pain for you.  I shouldn't have sounded so flip.  My husband must surely be on the far end of the spectrum for just ignoring whatever goes on with him, doing what he has to do and rolling with it.  He's on a bunch of drugs due to A-Fib and insists he has no side effects from them, sleeps uncomplainingly with a sleep mask for sleep apnea.  A tree fell on him and smashed his spleen so he has to be sure to get pneumonia shots etc.  He used to never get shots.  I'm glad he never got going on the meds for stomach issues since they're now pointing out the other problems these can cause.

 

Again, sorry.  Hope your issues resolve themselves.

[[Co...]]

According to my pain at times and my doctor hiatal hernias can turn into more serious conditions if not monitored ...especially if the pain becomes severe. They can give people more grief than just not lying down after eating...that is why some require surgery . Some cause pain on reaching, lifting , eating and even walking....

[[Co...]]

WonderNova...imo...it is smart to have hernias evaluated and followed from time to time...

[[Fi...]]

You know, I've watched my husband going through his stuff for over forty years now, and, looking at what I've gone through and the stuff I've read about all this, I think he's just a really good example of somebody who just believes the best, doesn't worry more than necessary, just gets on with it.  When he does have to go to the doctor--he's had kidney issues and surgeries--he puts his faith in the docs and what they tell him to do and he does it.  He's probably getting a good placebo benefit out of that.  I can't believe all the BP meds and stuff he's on and always claims to never have any side effects.  I think his placid refusal to apply worry and fear to his situation has probably helped him, and I often think I'd like to be more like him.  I do all the worrying for both of us!

 

Once he understood what was going on with me and my brain in withdrawal, his attitude has helped me a lot because it's easy for him to believe that I'll be 100% well eventually and he has just kept reminding me of that.  He simply refuses to add fear to the mix!  It's really a brilliant Rx.

 

 

[[Wo...]]

Thanks Coop I'm definitely going to get it checked out. I don't even know If I have one yet, but from what I've read it makes a ton of sense to me. I'm pretty much symptom free in the morning, then it all starts after I eat. Reflux and palpitations. Every day for the last two years. Every time I eat, doesn't matter what I eat. I also have really bad posture. From what I've read it looks like there's natural things we can do to help this. I don't want it to get worse if that's what's happening. I'm sorry you've got to deal with this, but thanks for posting about it. I never would have known about this condition. 

 

 

FJ, thank you! Your husband's attitude sounds great, and it's something to strive for for sure. I've made quite a bit of progress in that area. When I first started getting palpitations I went to the ER several times and always thought I was dying. Now they are just an annoyance. After two years I'm quite used to them. If I sounded distressed in my post I didn't mean to. I'm actually excited to have a possible explanation for some of this stuff. Thanks for all the support you give us. 

[[Fi...]]

You're welcome, Nova.  I agree that the palps are the scariest thing and the symptom that came the closest to sending me to the ER.  I was way far out the first time it happened and I remember how it hit me that THIS is why people run to the ER.  I actually did go the first time because I also had a fever and a woman I know had just died of the flu.  I had not come that far (16 months) to die of the flu!  So, going and getting a negative flu test was reassuring for me.  After that, I didn't go, but I have to give my husband a lot of credit for that because he would go do the Googling for me, reassure me that apparently it wasn't going to kill me, no matter how bad it felt, and he would remind me of all the negative aspects of  going to the ER.  So we just hung tight.  Man, I am so grateful to him!   Of course this was all way past the part where I was ready to leave him over this.  Benzo withdrawal is a real marriage tester, that's for sure.

[[Wo...]]

FJ, I'm glad your bond was stronger than benzo WD. Relationships are hard enough without that kind of complication. It sounds like your husband is really good at taking things in stride. I've been working at that for a while and getting better, but it's tough. It's kind of like we're all going through a training course on mental toughness here. I'm ready for it to be over though!

[[Fi...]]

Hey, Nova--weren't we all ready for it to be over just about five minutes after it started!   We never get to tick off the box where it says:  Yep, I've had enough.

[[...]]

Hey, Nova--weren't we all ready for it to be over just about five minutes after it started!   We never get to tick off the box where it says:  Yep, I've had enough.

 

 

Thanks FJ, you are so correct in what you say about wanting it to be over. Sometimes it feels like it never will. Just nodded off while listening to a meditation and got up in so much pain, seriously this is ridiculous.

 

Again thanks for your perspective on things, especially as you are well now and don't have t do this 

[[Fi...]]

Hey Marj--thinking of you today, you also with a daughter and a mother as characters in your drama!  My daughter is coming home for a 30th birthday party tonight.  (twin brother on the other side of the snowy mountains will stay over there) It just felt so damned good to just jump in the car yesterday and fly off to hit the party store and buy a bunch of 30th birthday stuff to throw around.  For so long through this I've had no energy and anything like this would seem a huge, scary undertaking.  Sofa, I know you're going through this too, trying to "make things nice" for your family.  Just hang in there.  It really is just time.  No, you don't need to figure out anything else weird that's wrong with you. What's wrong with you is benzos,and every day you're off them, whether it's better or lousy as ever, is still, by definition, one day closer to the day when you'll feel well.  Your energy will return.  You'll be yourself again.  You'll have your life back!  Stay the course, and I promise, that's your happy ending.   

[[so...]]

FJ,

 

Thank you so much.  Today has been a tear-jerker.  Loss of life, loss of self, full-blown pity party.  Even my paper hat and curly horn blower are saggy.  Just want this to be over NOW.

 

Love to all, Sofa

 

 

[[...]]

FJ,

 

Thank you so much.  Today has been a tear-jerker.  Loss of life, loss of self, full-blown pity party.  Even my paper hat and curly horn blower are saggy.  Just want this to be over NOW.

 

Love to all, Sofa

 

Yes thank you FJ, really helps.

 

 

Aw Sofa, sounds like we've had similar days. I hate feeling sorry for myself too. Keep at it kiddo, you are a winner. On a lighter note, my daughter just said to me ''how's sofa?, I like sofa''. She found your name funny a while ago and she is rooting for you   

[[Fi...]]

Oh, so sorry, Sofa.  But hey!  How did you know I bought paper hats and curly horn blowers?!

 

Go ahead and have a pity party.  It's lousy what you're having to go through.  But don't forget to tell yourself how brave you're  being, how proud of yourself you'll feel when this is over and you're well again.

 

Just remind yourself that your brain is healing and making you feel this way is just what it has to do to get you to that point.  It's not an evil entity in your head; it's your own beautiful mind struggling to readjust itself.

 

 

But also, at my house to my daughter.  And it's important to realize that this is the daughter I've kind of felt has let me down through all this.  And yet, feeling well, forgiveness comes easy.  And trust me, there were so many dark hours when I was sure I'd never be able to forgive anybody for anything!

[[so...]]

Aw Marj,

 

Tell her I appreciate her cheering us on.  Does she have her pompoms waving in the air?

 

Love, Sofa

[[...]]

Really tough today and cannot believe it is still so horrible at over 21 months    Yes I know, it’s not over till it’s over and this twists and turns. The pain, that burning, stinging muscles and joint pain is driving me insane. I’m telling myself that it’s my body and nervous system repairing, however it is making for real misery and anger at times. I suppose it’s frustration and of course the scary thoughts that come with this, this far our just make everything worse. I tell myself I am strong, just don’t feel it especially when surrounded by people who cannot envisage what torment this can be. I guess it’s a chemical storm. I understand the whole distracting thing and I can be successful at it at times, however sometimes the distraction of the pain is too overpowering. Sleep still an issue so that doesn’t help. Sorry to be a downer and I am trying to be positive that I could feel better this evening.

 

Thanks for being there everyone 

[[Mi...]]

Morning All. 

 

Had my first ENJOYABLE wknd away.  Other than some reflux and stomach issues which caused some anxiety and that dreaded feeling as you are not getting enough air when you breath! It was a decent wknd.  I am going to be 24 months February 1st.  One wk away exactly.  And I still get the anxiety ect..  But it wasn't until this month 23 that a big percent of the chemical anxiety has vanished! 

 

Now if my body would calm down expecially this stomach stuff I think most of my anxiety would drop a lot.  My reflux hit a all time high this wknd. I woke up at 4:00 am coughing and couldn't get my breath.  I think the acid had got into my lungs a bit.  It took me about 5 minutes to cough most of it out.  It was quiet the event.  It really scared me I still feel like I am coughing up crap. So that brought on the breathing stuff Sunday.  No fun. But, I still went to the hockey tournament and made it through a 3 hour drive home.  This stuff is crazy.  Last week I was dealing with the throat sensations. The wk before inner vibrations now I am guessing it's going to be this breathing stuff, YUK!  And always accompanied by GI Sx.    But, even with all of this I can feel some great healing and improvements! 

 

We are healing 

[[...]]

Wonderful that you could enjoy your weekend away Jen. That is a great accomplishement, it's such a shame that these normal activities can cause such distress when ordinarily we would just do stuff with out a second thought about enjoying it. We just did it!!! I have been on holiday with my 2 kids abroad 3 times solo and even drove on the last one. Granted it was Kefalonia ( very quiet), and loads of mini and day trips. But OMG a trip to the cinema is scary at the moment. I suppose it what you mention as chemical anxiety.

I do think you are very strong, driving for 3 hours and that reflux stuff sounds unpleasant. I don't get that, just the bloating, actually I have had a bit of reflux just a couple of times.

 

I love to read you say you can feel healing improvements. Do you still get pain in muscles and joints? If that improved for me I would feel so much better. It really gets me down and I would probably sleep better, who knows. Anyway on a positive it is not as bad right now, just feels really sore.

 

Everyday is a day closer hey? Wow we have all been throught such horribleness and we are still battling on with tears here and there