Eastcoast's Trip

[Guest [NM...]]

RYO...I now get it. I am glad I have almost quit smoking. One a day is pretty good for someone who has smoked for what? 52 years? Holy crud.

 

My landlady isn't slumlord. She is just mean. She picks on people, a new one perhaps every month. I was "It" for about 6 months then she moved on to someone else. She has had so much botox her face cannot show emotions. Whatever. I plan to start looking for another apartment, but how I will pay for that, I don't yet know.

 

Yes. My story IS inspiring. I went through a horrific withdrawal and got through it. I am still amazed I did get through it. Incredibly awful, almost beyond words. Thirty years of benzos and then ADs on top of that for 12 years.....omg. I am considering buying a book by a guy who researched the huge increase in mental health problems in the USA. He found evidence that the drug companies knew perfectly well that ADs do not work and actually CAUSE damage to the brain. Just like benzos but in a different sort of way. I read about his book on the BIC site (Benzodiazepine Information Coalition). " "Anatomy of an Epidemic" is its name. That's is a nifty site and worth checking out.  I took Ads but never really felt they were helping, but back then I still believed ibn medications. No I don't. This is the biggest lesson BWD taught me. There is NO drug that will fix whats wrong with you. Drugs that affect the brain will just end up hurting you. When I don't feel good now, the last thing I want to do is take some damn pill. Yes. I take meds for hypertension, as I have done the research and don't worry about them.

Long tiring day.

Annie and JBear

 

Yep yep. I have that book Anatomy of an Epidemic by Robert Whitaker? I’ve watched a few long videos by him on YouTube too. It’s criminal what pharmaceutical companies and the psychiatric INDUSTRY do. It’s beyond sickening.

[[ea...]]

Yes, that is the book. Did you like reading it or did it read tediously? It only costs $11.50 but if its a hard read I wont bother. life is too short. I already have a good sense of the damage these drugs can do, but would like to read something a bit more scientific to prove what I think I know.

[Guest [NM...]]

Yes, that is the book. Did you like reading it or did it read tediously? It only costs $11.50 but if its a hard read I wont bother. life is too short. I already have a good sense of the damage these drugs can do, but would like to read something a bit more scientific to prove what I think I know.

 

To be honest I’ve only read about 10% into the book. I’ve watched videos which supposedly cover what’s in the book. I’ll let you know how it is once I get into it. I have probably 5 books and 3 audiobooks going now lol

[[ea...]]

Yes. Let me know. This is an very compelling subject.

My customer today had fallen at work.  She had classic symptoms of a concussion,. She is hopefully going to see either the ER or a walk in clinic. and get sent for a CT scan. She is a powerhouse of a woman. Tiny but very tough and strong. She is a Mail Lady for the United Post Office. I am a bit worried about her tonight. She almost fell again today, in her own home. No,m she is not on psych drugs.

To all of you benzo people out there tonight. I so feel your hurts and pain. Getting through this takes enormous will and determination. You have to be willing to look at your life in a whole new way and start making decisions that will be better for you. Benzo WD does feel like Death or close to it. It is so overwhelming for some. I envy those who sail through it.

My heart goes out tonight for someone who had ECT and wasn't told of the danger inherent in doing that. I feel sure he/she ought they were making the right decision because she trusted the doctors. And now this person is really having a very hard time coping with both withdrawal AND the effects of ECT.

My computer is doing some annoying things so bear with typos.

Jackie Bear woke me this am by nuzzling my head with his, purring loudly and just so happy. What a wonderful way to start your day. I am ever so glad this wonderful cat chose me, and only me. He was dead on right. He picked the exact right human for him. And in doing so,enriched my life immeasurably.

annie and Mr Bear

[[ea...]]

My customer yesterday went to a walk in clinic. She has aa concussion. I am so glad she followed my advice. She almost feel again while I was at her home. And her symptoms told me what she probably had.

Another customer, one I am friends with, is in Boston, trying to help her daughter who goes to B.U. She has had 'issues" for a long time and is on several meds including a benzo. I gather she was suicidal. Her adopted father was arrested for viewing child porn on his cell phone. Oh what a horrible disaster for all of these people. I have worked for them for three years, love them and care about them. The woman is now living alone with her three wonderful cats. She gained about 75 lbs during this disaster and I feel so bad for her. She also has addiction issues: narcotics, and has been clean for over a year. Legal narcotics, all prescribed. Like me, she now vapes, having gotten off cigarettes.

I have walked in her shoes and know how awful she feels. She thought she KNEW her husband. But she did not really know. And what drives a man to enjoy things like kiddy porn? Oh god, the human race is so mixed up. We ruined this beautiful world we live on. Trashed it and keep on trashing it. I think about this every time I drive on I-95 and see the huge trash piles which have been covered by grass, but underneath those large hills it is all garbage and birds circle around them constantly. Florida does not have a lot of hills. And the ones we have in MID Florida are trash piles. This is NOT a good thing. Makes me ashamed to be a human.

I enjoyed my day off. Changed my sheets and dusted and cleaned my bedroom. Did a lot of laundry. Went to Goodwill and bought a couple nifty clothing items. I am such a girly girl! And not ashamed of it despite my age. Older women can look good, too.

My hair right now annoys me. I used a product to remove some of the ancient hair dyes I used to use. This turned my remaining colored hair sort of blond. In the back my hair is almost all my normal hair and its very weird because there is a definitive line, and below that line my hair is still very dark, and above that line its very light. Weird. Nor is my hair as curly as it used to be. PHOOEY on aging!!!

Bear is sitting next to my laptop. waiting for pets and loving .I am so lucky this beautiful cat chose me. He is the best thing that has happened to me since getting off benzos.

This week I will again attempt to maneuver through the FL Board of Health website to get my license back. At this point, I am so sick of their nonsense I feel like giving up. $300 for a total headache. Phooey.

This will be a challenging week. Working every day. I am glad to earn the money, so will make it a GOOD week.

 

[Guest [NM...]]

Thinking of you, Annie!

[[ea...]]

How are YOU doing, NM? Everything all right with you?

I spent the day getting things done. Got my car washed, watered my garden, cleaned my bathroom and did a quick vacuum. TONS of Bear Hairs and dust and probably a few of MY hairs. This is really weird, but before benzo wd, I never worried about hairs on the floor or in the tub. During my WD, I became quite OCD about this, and was always trying to wipe up hairs. LOL! That has continued even to now although my OCD-ism is less acute now. You just have to learn to laugh at this goofy stuff. It wont hurt you, as long as YOUR ocd stuff is laughable and not dangerous, like excess hand washing, or pulling hair out (trictylomania, I think it is called) or refusing to use public bathrooms when you really need to use one!

My sister finally got back from Mexico to their new condo on the West Coast of Florida. Who knows, maybe I will be able to visit her sometime. She sent me a recent photo and I am jealous. Her hair is a gorgeous silver. Mine---- not so gorgeous. This is kinda weird. On the back of my head, at the bottom, I am still VERY dark. And it is as if God drew a line  and below that line my hair is dark and above that line it is mostly silver. WTF! I think it looks strange. Plus on the top of my head it is 1/3 light brown now and 2/3 silver. UGH. I always prided myself on my hair and now I just cant.  suspect I will have to resort to having highlights put in to make it pretty again. PHOOEY on this crapola!!!!

This site seems to be having some technical troubles. Hope this post appears. I keep bumping it up for new people

[[Be...]]

I'm not having any problems with this site at all and never do.

[Guest [NM...]]

How are YOU doing, NM? Everything all right with you?

I spent the day getting things done. Got my car washed, watered my garden, cleaned my bathroom and did a quick vacuum. TONS of Bear Hairs and dust and probably a few of MY hairs. This is really weird, but before benzo wd, I never worried about hairs on the floor or in the tub. During my WD, I became quite OCD about this, and was always trying to wipe up hairs. LOL! That has continued even to now although my OCD-ism is less acute now. You just have to learn to laugh at this goofy stuff. It wont hurt you, as long as YOUR ocd stuff is laughable and not dangerous, like excess hand washing, or pulling hair out (trictylomania, I think it is called) or refusing to use public bathrooms when you really need to use one!

My sister finally got back from Mexico to their new condo on the West Coast of Florida. Who knows, maybe I will be able to visit her sometime. She sent me a recent photo and I am jealous. Her hair is a gorgeous silver. Mine---- not so gorgeous. This is kinda weird. On the back of my head, at the bottom, I am still VERY dark. And it is as if God drew a line  and below that line my hair is dark and above that line it is mostly silver. WTF! I think it looks strange. Plus on the top of my head it is 1/3 light brown now and 2/3 silver. UGH. I always prided myself on my hair and now I just cant.  suspect I will have to resort to having highlights put in to make it pretty again. PHOOEY on this crapola!!!!

This site seems to be having some technical troubles. Hope this post appears. I keep bumping it up for new people

 

Annie, I’m fine! I’m doing better, honestly, day by day, even when I have “symptoms.” I slept better last night. I’m doing a lot of practicing dealing with fight or flight/anxiety and just not giving it the power and attention i used to, which keeps the cycle going and makes it worse. CBT stuff, not avoiding anxiety, but “floating” while it’s happening.

 

Feeding my dogs, gonna take some Tylenol for my headache. 

[[ea...]]

Girl, you are on your way now, healing and learning to deal with this weird and crazy stuff. I am SO proud of you!!! People like you are why I remain on BB.

My new every other Friday customer cancelled, permanently. I don't think it was anything about my work, but it annoys me anyway. Now I have to start looking for another customer, and I really LIKED this person.

Tomorrow I clean a new customers townhouse. I am betting it will be a disaster, as they are both in their 80's. And it is supposed to rain tomorrow and one of my umbrellas flat out broke. Havent replaced it yet but have several rain slickers. I HATE getting all wet on rainy days. I wear Crocs on rainy days, which isn't pretty but they can be thrown in the washing machine.

Wednesday will be my second cleaning of another house owned by elderly people. Hubby is a gem, and has been trying to deal with all for several years. Wife has dementia. House was really, truly grubby, but I got it less so the first time. He gave me two papayas, and to my surprise, I sort of liked eating them. Mangos are odd fruits too but with some sugar, are pretty good. I have been trhing to eat more healthy recently. Tunafish and sweet pickles sandwiches and fruit. But still enjoy my cupcakes from Walmart. Much better than Publix cupcakes.

Later tyhis week I will have to try to deal with Florida about my license. I am starting to feel this was a huge waste of time and money. I have considered applying for Activities Assistant jobs or Social Services Assistant jobs. They don't pay well, but it is steady work and pays better than working at Walmart. Those jobs are always in nursing home, places I am well familiar with .And if I get my RN license back, I will be considered way over-qualified for those jobs. If anyone has suggestions, I am very willing to listen. I am sort of caught in a bind over this. If I give up on restoring my license, it might hurt my pride a bit, but hells bells, I will turn 70 next year! I cannot do RN stuff much longer. Not even sure I really want to.

Good Lord, what benzos stole from is so monumental. Because of benzo side effects (that I was not aware were happening-) I ruined a very good career. I look back and now see that due to benzos, I did not always do the right thing as an RN. Yes, I was a leader, always in Charge. But I also know things that I did stupidly because of benzos. To be honest, my behavior while on benzos was not stellar. I made errors in how I did certain things and ended up just hurting me. Benzos truly are horrible drugs. And really, all of this was my fault, because I did not do the research. Well, now I know.

I really am in a bind over this. What do I do? Push forward with my license, despite all the stupid roadblocks? Or try to find a simpler job, in a nursing home? I wont be able to work forever, due to age.

I really do not know what top decide.

[[ea...]]

Trying day. I was supposed to do the first cleaning of a new customer today. The directions I got were awful, and I had to asked several residents for help finding the correct building. Thus, I was 10 minutes later and felt bad about that. Knocked on the door, and Mrs answered it. Tells me she cancelled me as her sister in law is going to help her out. My cheap cell phone had not given me this message. I was feeling pissy but when I got home, I read an email from another new customer cancelling my services.

You know the saying "Don't count your chickens until they have hatched?" DUH. SO true.

I ended up driving to Walmart and buying a new, smarter phone which I probably wont be able to cdxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx figure out. But perhaps it might have better service than Straight Talk, which went down almost every weekend.dxxxxxxxxxxx

 

I am leaving these typos in because Bear did them by lying on my laptop when I got my dry laundry in. He has done some amazing things with my keyboard. One day I left the computer briefly to do something and when I came back, Bear had brought up a page that showed Trumps ugly face and his comb-over! I figure Bear doesn't like him either because it was NOT a flattering photo.

annie and Bear

[Guest [NM...]]

Trying day. I was supposed to do the first cleaning of a new customer today. The directions I got were awful, and I had to asked several residents for help finding the correct building. Thus, I was 10 minutes later and felt bad about that. Knocked on the door, and Mrs answered it. Tells me she cancelled me as her sister in law is going to help her out. My cheap cell phone had not given me this message. I was feeling pissy but when I got home, I read an email from another new customer cancelling my services.

You know the saying "Don't count your chickens until they have hatched?" DUH. SO true.

I ended up driving to Walmart and buying a new, smarter phone which I probably wont be able to cdxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx figure out. But perhaps it might have better service than Straight Talk, which went down almost every weekend.dxxxxxxxxxxx

 

I am leaving these typos in because Bear did them by lying on my laptop when I got my dry laundry in. He has done some amazing things with my keyboard. One day I left the computer briefly to do something and when I came back, Bear had brought up a page that showed Trumps ugly face and his comb-over! I figure Bear doesn't like him either because it was NOT a flattering photo.

annie and Bear

 

Sorry about the customers but 😂😂😂😂 on the Bear and Trump stuff. LOL

[[ea...]]

Normal day. Cleaned the house of the two elderly people again today. OMG what a holy mess. Her bathroom was disgusting. His was not. She has dementia, he is just 94 years old and cute as a button. This lovely man takes care of his wife 24/7 and manages to do a LOT around the house as well, but NOT everything.

Well, their house is again a lot cleaner today. And I know when I go back in 2 weeks I will find the same messes. Coffee grounds all over the kitchen, including the floors. It is obvious that Mister loves his Folgers.

NM, Bear is on my desk right now, purring loudly and wanting to be rubbed and petted. This cat can be demanding, but in a charming way. Man, he sheds a lot. I could probably vacuum EVERY and always fill the dirt up, mostly with Bear Hairs.

I have been told I am in trouble again but as of now I do not know for what.

 

I bought a new phone, a real Smart Phone but now am clueless how to use the stupid thing. I have Tech Phobia. My friend Laurie will eventually find her way here to give me a hand. I hate being this inept at something but computer stuff just freaks me out. Any suggestions??? And I still don't know how to work the new Nook tablet I stupidly bought. Should have gotten another tablet, but I figured it would be like my old one. NOT.

Called the damned Florida Board of Nursing today. On hold for 30 minutes, and finally got a real human who could not access my license or tell me what I need to know. I left yet another message for the Admin who DOES sort of know what I need to do. She comes back from Vacay tomorrow. I am willing to bet that I will be required to do MORE CEs since it took me so long to catch up to the  previous new requirements. And maybe owe them more money. I am truly sorry I did all of this. Since I have no idea if I want to work as an RN again....WTF! I should have just started applying for other jobs I would be good at, like Activities Assistant or Social Services Assistant. They only require a HS diploma, and would suit me well in skills. NOPE, they don't pay well. But I will always have my SS income.

My bathroom has been invaded by Springtail bugs. Tiny insects that can jump about 8 inches into the air if you spray them with all purpose cleaner or vinegar and water. Harmless, but who wants tiny bugs in their tub? I sure don't.

[[ea...]]

Oh dear lord, I wrote out a long reply and that freaking computer demon made it go poof away. I heard back from the Administrator of the Florida Board of Licensure. She tells me all I need to do is do 6 more CE credits, and then she will expediate my license renewal.  I will do this tomorrow. Very easy. It appears that about 8 credits did not transfer to Florida, but I don't know why.

I DID IT! I will have my RN license back. Even if I never use it again, I will be a real RN once again. I am proud of myself for sticking it out, finding the $375 needed for fees. NOT easy for this old lady.

Tomorrow I have to call my new cell phone company and wade through activation. Anything technical freaks me out, even now. And my friend Laurie will stop over after work and help me get my tablet running AND the fancy shmancy stuff on the cell phone up and running.

My neighbor, the one with a deadly phobia about snakes, told me today I had to get rid of several blooming plants by his door. This guy is not too smart, to be honest. A typical man born in Georgia with an acquired deadly fear of snakes. I decided on the spot to rid that small patch od dirt of all plants forever, because it breaks my heart to ruin lovely plants. But I am also really tired of catering to his phobia. When I moved here I was still very phobic about ants. I didn't ask any of my neighbors to do anything that might encourage ants. I just took care of MY apartment and paid my own exterminator. To hell with J. and his phobia. He can have an ugly patch of dirt next to his damn door. No more flowers near him.

 

Edit: Disallowed content

 

[Guest [NM...]]

Oh dear lord, I wrote out a long reply and that freaking computer demon made it go poof away. I heard back from the Administrator of the Florida Board of Licensure. She tells me all I need to do is do 6 more CE credits, and then she will expediate my license renewal.  I will do this tomorrow. Very easy. It appears that about 8 credits did not transfer to Florida, but I don't know why.

I DID IT! I will have my RN license back. Even if I never use it again, I will be a real RN once again. I am proud of myself for sticking it out, finding the $375 needed for fees. NOT easy for this old lady.

Tomorrow I have to call my new cell phone company and wade through activation. Anything technical freaks me out, even now. And my friend Laurie will stop over after work and help me get my tablet running AND the fancy shmancy stuff on the cell phone up and running.

My neighbor, the one with a deadly phobia about snakes, told me today I had to get rid of several blooming plants by his door. This guy is not too smart, to be honest. A typical black man born in Georgia with an acquired deadly fear of snakes. I decided on the spot to rid that small patch od dirt of all plants forever, because it breaks my heart to ruin lovely plants. But I am also really tired of catering to his phobia. When I moved here I was still very phobic about ants. I didn't ask any of my neighbors to do anything that might encourage ants. I just took care of MY apartment and paid my own exterminator. To hell with J. and his phobia. He can have an ugly patch of dirt next to his damn door. No more flowers near him.

 

Congratulations!! Woohooo!

[[ea...]]

Yup. I am feeling mighty proud of myself this evening. I did it. Despite numerous roadblocks and bad advice. ZI waded through the Florida system and will soon have my license back.

Will I ever USE it? I don't know yet. Time will send me in the right direction. I trust time to guide me.

LOVE YOU, NM!

[Guest [NM...]]

Yup. I am feeling mighty proud of myself this evening. I did it. Despite numerous roadblocks and bad advice. ZI waded through the Florida system and will soon have my license back.

Will I ever USE it? I don't know yet. Time will send me in the right direction. I trust time to guide me.

LOVE YOU, NM!

 

Love you back, Annie!! So happy for you!

[[Be...]]

How long will your RN license be good for then?  That will be good.  Getting rid of plants for a snake phobia?  I guess your nabe is afraid they'll hide in the plants?  I'm afraid of snakes too.  I used to have alot of them around down by my creek all the time and Lily my cat used to catch them and bring them home in her mouth.  One time there was a snake in the backyard which was at least 7 feet long and huge.  I also had one in my shed one time and it scared me to death when I went into the shed.  Non-poisonous though I believe they were.

[[ea...]]

Yes, Becksblue, my neighbor has a deadly fear of snakes. He grew up in rural Georgia, a bible thumping place where they are told snakes are "the devil." Yes, he thinks they will hid under the plants. Well, I ripped up one of the plants yesterday and moved a potted plant to another spot. I give up. He wins. Because I do understand phobias, having had one myself thanks to benzos, I get it. I am also angry with him but that wont do a bit of good and I have to let this.....go.

I spent a total of 3.5 hours on the phone today trying to get a new cell phone activated. My previous cell was Straight Talk and the service was terrible. Missed calls, no service on weekends, etc. So I bought a real smart phone and of course I haven't a clue how to use the damn thing. Spent hours talking with several very pleasant but NOT fluent in English techs. I am now tired and cranky because of this nonsense. My friend Laurie will come over tomorrow and help me work with the new phone and that new Tablet I cannot figure out how to use.

Finished 4 more CEUS today. They were fairly complicated but I only need 2 more to get my license back. I already paid the hefty fee. PLUS about $75 for CEUS. PHOOEY on Florida!

 

Edit: Content

[[ea...]]

Tiring day. I did yet another CE course, this one on Suicide. Easy but tedious. It was not well written and actually said that Ativan is a narcotic. LOL!

I made my pasta sauce, too. Long process but man it tastes so good. I chop up peppers, onions and garlic and cook them in olive oil. I add in my fresh basil and oregano from my garden. Salt, pepper, some sugar. Two large jars of Bertolli pasta sauce and one can of tomato paste. Cook until vegs are soft. Tomorrow I will make the pasta, Orzo, and freeze all of it for this coming month's breakfast.

I managed to get my new phone working yesterday but my friend couldn't get here to help me connect it to the Internet. Plus my Nook tablet. I need helping figuring out how to use the stupid thing. I should have just kept my OLD on despite its cracked screen.

[[ea...]]

Bumping this up for a new buddie concerned about floxxing.

This is something that has not been scientifically proved yet, at least to my knowledge. Perhaps just another way to scare newbies. I just don't know.

My friend L was supposed to come over and help me get the tablet running and my new cell phone going. She got a migraine and bailed on me yet again. I have to admit I am a bit angry with her even though I also know the huge stress she is under now. She is a bit of a hypochondriac. She has a history of opiate abuse. Legally obtained. I know eventually she will help me but its so frustrating to me because of my own timidity about using technical things like computers and fancy cell phones. I live alone and have no one patient enough to teach me. I do not like being like this.

I think I am DONE with CEUS. My license should be approved soon and perhaps arrive in two weeks. In Florida, nothing happens quickly.

IF I take a nursing job, I would like it to be in a detox facility or a psych hospital or unit. This is what I am drawn to, after all I have been through. But I also might look for a job as a Social Service Assistant. Lower pay but a lot less stress. I just don't know yet.

Made the orzo for my pasta and got it frozen. Boy that sauce tasted good!Z I did a truly excellent job of it this month.

[[Be...]]

I emailed the guy who gets me my food and asked him to get me the Bertolli pasta sauce or Classico if he can't find that since you mentioned using it in your sauce.  I hope he remembers. 

[[ea...]]

Bertolli is better, but this is a personal opinion. I found Classico a bit bland.

But heck, I used to just use Ragu, and it tasted fine.

How are you doing these days, becksblue? Are you recovering or sort of stuck?

God have mercy, this journey is horrendous and something none of us thought could happen.

annie

[[Sa...]]

East,

 

That is wonderful news about your RN license!!  Congratulations!! 

 

Pasta sauce sounds delicious!!  Yum!

 

Hugs, SaraSue 

[[Be...]]

I had been getting Newman's Own Sockarooni, but it's bland even if it is organic.  I'm sick of it.  I want one that's rich.  Prego or one of them revved me up horribly.  Some of them do.  Annie, I am completely stuck in hell.  I have early-onset dementia now after getting off the pills and I'm only 58.  Severe anxiety, depression, anhedonia, OCD, etc.  No appetite either now since I got off the pills 6.5 years ago.  I have too much external stress on me all the time.  Live in an old rundown trailer and every time it rains I need to worry about roof leaks and it never stops raining.  I feel like my life is cursed.  I can't calm down ever.  No one should ever have to live like this.